1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:04,237 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,703 --> 00:00:11,330 Roz, who's our last caller? 3 00:00:11,414 --> 00:00:14,543 On line two, we have Marilyn. She's feeling a little homesick. 4 00:00:14,627 --> 00:00:15,836 Go ahead, Marilyn. 5 00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:18,381 MARILYN: Well, I like living in Seattle. 6 00:00:18,465 --> 00:00:19,299 But I don't know, 7 00:00:19,383 --> 00:00:23,555 I grew up in this little town in Wisconsin and I really miss that life. 8 00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:24,681 You're not the only one. 9 00:00:24,765 --> 00:00:30,397 My producer Roz has regaled me with many stories of the great Dairy State. 10 00:00:30,481 --> 00:00:32,817 You're from Wisconsin, Roz? What part? 11 00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:33,735 Bloomer. 12 00:00:33,819 --> 00:00:35,946 Oh, my God, I'm from Menomonie! 13 00:00:36,030 --> 00:00:37,907 -Oh, my God… -ROZ: No way! 14 00:00:37,991 --> 00:00:40,035 You're from Menomonie. My cousins are from Menomonie. 15 00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:41,579 -Do you know the Rayburns? -Isn't that… 16 00:00:41,663 --> 00:00:44,082 MARILYN: Billy Rayburn is your cousin? 17 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:46,753 I used to work with him at Bell's Frozen Custard. 18 00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:47,837 Of course she did. 19 00:00:47,921 --> 00:00:49,882 Do you remember that guy that used to run the store? 20 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,425 The guy with all the moles? 21 00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:53,387 -Mr. Teechy? -Mr. Teechy! 22 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:58,059 Well, ladies, as fascinating as this is, I'm afraid we're out of time. 23 00:00:58,143 --> 00:01:00,020 [MARILYN, ROZ SIGH] 24 00:01:01,523 --> 00:01:04,025 Well that's okay, Marilyn. You can call back tomorrow. 25 00:01:04,109 --> 00:01:07,030 Be sure you all tune in tomorrow for part two in our series 26 00:01:07,114 --> 00:01:09,324 "Women of the Cheese Belt." 27 00:01:12,412 --> 00:01:15,040 Goodbye for now and good mental health. 28 00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,296 These messages came for you earlier. 29 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,674 -Your wine is ready. -Oh, excellent! 30 00:01:21,758 --> 00:01:25,179 You know, I'm hosting a tasting tonight for the wine club Niles and I belong to. 31 00:01:25,263 --> 00:01:27,306 I'm hoping they name me the MAÎTRE de Chai. 32 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:31,855 It's a longstanding dream of mine to wear that silver cup around my neck. 33 00:01:32,606 --> 00:01:35,609 You know back in Wisconsin, if a guy wore a cup around his neck, 34 00:01:35,693 --> 00:01:37,862 it'd mean he'd ticked off the gym teacher. 35 00:01:37,946 --> 00:01:41,992 Fine. Make sport but this does happen to be important to me. 36 00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:44,121 Since when? You used to say that club was nothing 37 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,749 but a bunch of arrogant, cork-sniffing snobs. 38 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,335 Well that was before I got in. 39 00:01:49,670 --> 00:01:51,255 Well, when I'm handing out 40 00:01:51,339 --> 00:01:53,675 bologna sandwiches this weekend at the homeless shelter, 41 00:01:53,759 --> 00:01:56,637 it will do my heart good to know that a bunch of wealthy men are swishing 42 00:01:56,721 --> 00:02:00,518 two hundred dollar bottles of wine and spitting it into silver buckets. 43 00:02:02,187 --> 00:02:04,587 Well, it's not like we don't recycle the bottles. 44 00:02:11,074 --> 00:02:13,035 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 45 00:02:13,661 --> 00:02:14,494 There we are. 46 00:02:14,578 --> 00:02:15,664 Here's your six. 47 00:02:26,761 --> 00:02:29,807 Mm. Big, full-bodied, perhaps a bit baked. 48 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:33,812 Essence of truffles, long finish. 49 00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:36,315 -Chambertin, seventy-six! -Bravo, Frasier. 50 00:02:37,359 --> 00:02:39,487 If only your aim were as accurate as well. 51 00:02:39,571 --> 00:02:40,405 Oh. 52 00:02:40,864 --> 00:02:43,700 How is it those same taste buds can't tell the difference 53 00:02:43,784 --> 00:02:45,912 between me pot roast and me flank steak? 54 00:02:45,996 --> 00:02:47,538 Considering you learned to cook in England, 55 00:02:47,622 --> 00:02:51,022 it's a wonder I can tell your flank steak from a braised tennis ball. 56 00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:54,298 Now, now, let's move on to the number seven. 57 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,009 -All right. -There you are. 58 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,224 Ah. Touch of oak, 59 00:03:01,308 --> 00:03:04,228 a hint of currant, whisper of… 60 00:03:05,271 --> 00:03:07,900 What is that? What is that? Yes, wet dog! 61 00:03:09,903 --> 00:03:12,030 You guys still playing that stupid game? 62 00:03:12,114 --> 00:03:15,618 Dad, wine tasting is not a stupid game. It's a highly refined skill. 63 00:03:15,702 --> 00:03:20,124 Yeah, I just saw a couple of guys on the corner practicing out of paper bags. 64 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,545 NILES: We're hardly winos. 65 00:03:23,629 --> 00:03:26,298 Some very distinguished people belong to our club. 66 00:03:26,382 --> 00:03:28,760 The mayor, the commissioner of Public Safety, 67 00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:30,888 the chief of surgery at Saint Luke's. 68 00:03:30,972 --> 00:03:34,018 Oh, just the people I'd want walking around all liquored up. 69 00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:37,313 Couldn't you find room for a school bus driver 70 00:03:37,397 --> 00:03:39,484 and a couple of air traffic controllers? 71 00:03:40,151 --> 00:03:42,446 Well, we could if they had impeccable taste. 72 00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:47,243 Which reminds me, Dad, I have a favor to beg. 73 00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:51,165 Would you mind if I moved your chair into your room until after the tasting? 74 00:03:51,249 --> 00:03:54,044 Forget it. You might as well ask me to stay in my room. 75 00:03:54,128 --> 00:03:56,005 Which takes care of the second favor. 76 00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:01,804 Oh, all right. Go ahead and move it. 77 00:04:01,888 --> 00:04:03,599 At least I don't have to spend the night looking 78 00:04:03,683 --> 00:04:05,483 at your society pals getting tanked. 79 00:04:05,894 --> 00:04:07,687 All right, Niles, come on. Grab an end. 80 00:04:07,771 --> 00:04:10,774 [CHUCKLING] 81 00:04:10,858 --> 00:04:12,152 Oh, you're serious. 82 00:04:13,278 --> 00:04:15,281 -You know I don't lift. -FRASIER: Yes. 83 00:04:15,365 --> 00:04:17,826 With that stick where it is, I'm surprised you can bend. 84 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:18,995 Start hoisting. 85 00:04:21,206 --> 00:04:22,874 Come on. All right. 86 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:25,127 Oh, my God, Dad, this thing weighs a ton! 87 00:04:25,211 --> 00:04:26,045 Lord… 88 00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:28,006 -His room? -All right, yes. 89 00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:29,299 -Oh, oh God. -Oh, come on. 90 00:04:29,383 --> 00:04:31,933 -No, Niles, don't drop it! Don't… -MARTIN: Hey! 91 00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:34,848 -You've gouged… -You better be talking about the floor. 92 00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:36,643 Oh, of course I'm not… 93 00:04:36,727 --> 00:04:39,521 Oh, for Pete's sakes, just a little scratch. 94 00:04:39,605 --> 00:04:41,190 Get me a yellow magic marker, 95 00:04:41,274 --> 00:04:43,624 I'll color it in, nobody'll know the difference. 96 00:04:44,404 --> 00:04:47,908 Dad, you have no idea how critical these people can be. They love finding fault. 97 00:04:47,992 --> 00:04:49,869 We could put a rug over it. 98 00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:53,416 A rug? 99 00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,793 Where a rug doesn't belong? 100 00:04:56,378 --> 00:05:00,428 Why don't we just throw down a Twister mat and have a few rounds between vintages? 101 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,887 Steady, Frasier, there's still hope. 102 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,641 I'll bring my contractor by in the morning. The man's a genius. 103 00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:09,687 It's time you boys learned everything doesn't have to be perfect. 104 00:05:09,771 --> 00:05:13,400 Yes, it's that kind of advice that leads to shag carpeting! 105 00:05:18,365 --> 00:05:22,328 Ah! Good morning, Daphne, extra pancakes for me this morning. I'm famished. 106 00:05:22,412 --> 00:05:24,415 Yes, well, you should have thought about that last night 107 00:05:24,499 --> 00:05:27,294 before you started making cracks about English cooking. 108 00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:30,840 I have hung up my spatula. 109 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:36,848 Well, you move my chair, you cut off my pancake supply. 110 00:05:36,932 --> 00:05:40,882 Why don't you just back out over Eddie on your way to work, make it a hat trick? 111 00:05:42,022 --> 00:05:43,523 [DOORBELL RINGS] 112 00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:45,484 And a hat trick would be? 113 00:05:45,568 --> 00:05:48,718 -That's in hockey where one player… -Enough said. Thank you. 114 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,076 -Niles. -Good morning, Frasier. 115 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,079 I'm delivering one miracle worker as promised. 116 00:05:54,163 --> 00:05:55,790 -Joe DeCarlo, Frasier Crane. -It's a pleasure. 117 00:05:55,874 --> 00:05:57,459 -And my father Martin Crane. -Hi, Joe. 118 00:05:57,543 --> 00:05:59,628 -So where's the scratch? -What? You mean you can't see it? 119 00:05:59,712 --> 00:06:03,112 We were gonna put some orange cones around it so nobody'd fall in it. 120 00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:07,932 It's right here. 121 00:06:10,644 --> 00:06:11,770 I can get rid of that. 122 00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:13,104 It has to be done by 5:00. 123 00:06:13,188 --> 00:06:14,857 My guests arrive at 7:00. 124 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,569 So it has to be a firm 5:00, not a 5:15, not a 5:30. 125 00:06:17,653 --> 00:06:19,362 -I'll have it done by noon. -Splendid. 126 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,240 I told you he was good. 127 00:06:21,324 --> 00:06:23,660 We're talking about a man who's satisfied Maris. 128 00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:26,394 Something that's still regrettably on my "to do" list. 129 00:06:30,044 --> 00:06:31,295 Coffee's ready. 130 00:06:31,379 --> 00:06:34,884 'Course I'm sure it'll taste like me old bath water to you. 131 00:06:34,968 --> 00:06:39,348 You know how it gets all gray and scummy around the edges with little flecks of, 132 00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:40,893 -oh, hello. -Hi. 133 00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:42,978 Hello. 134 00:06:44,981 --> 00:06:46,567 I'd love some coffee, Daphne. 135 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,907 Mm… Daphne? 136 00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:55,954 Daph, this is Joe DeCarlo. 137 00:06:56,038 --> 00:06:58,039 Joe, this is Daphne. She helps me out around here. 138 00:06:58,123 --> 00:07:00,376 Smells great. Columbian? 139 00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:02,922 Oh, no, English. 140 00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:11,182 The coffee, heh, Costa Rican. 141 00:07:11,266 --> 00:07:12,392 Would you like a cup? 142 00:07:12,476 --> 00:07:13,686 Thanks. 143 00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:15,146 I'll be right back. 144 00:07:16,273 --> 00:07:17,899 He's adorable. Talk me up. 145 00:07:17,983 --> 00:07:19,778 -Plate of pancakes? -Deal. 146 00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:24,700 -You know, Joe, Daphne's a great gal. -Oh, yeah. 147 00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:27,412 She doesn't always go around in that ratty old bathrobe. 148 00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:29,206 -No. -She cleans up real cute. 149 00:07:29,290 --> 00:07:30,124 Oh, yeah. 150 00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:33,587 You don't have to convince me. 151 00:07:33,671 --> 00:07:35,256 You know, I think Dad's right. 152 00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:38,540 You don't need to fix that scratch. It adds character. Come, Joe. 153 00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:40,430 Niles, forget it. 154 00:07:41,473 --> 00:07:42,515 Honeybun? 155 00:07:42,599 --> 00:07:43,809 Yes? 156 00:07:43,893 --> 00:07:45,980 [GIGGLING] 157 00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:51,402 I meant would you like one of these with your coffee? 158 00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:53,239 Oh. I'd love one. 159 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,200 -Anything else? -JOE: No. 160 00:07:55,284 --> 00:07:56,952 -Sugar? -Yes. 161 00:07:57,619 --> 00:07:58,954 I meant in the coffee. 162 00:07:59,038 --> 00:08:00,373 Oh! [GIGGLES] 163 00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:03,335 NILES: You know, 164 00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:07,675 Maris is quite keen on gutting my library to make more space for her hats. 165 00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:09,761 Why don't you come home with me 166 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:12,096 and you can send one of your men over to do this little job? 167 00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:13,807 Bruce would be good. 168 00:08:13,891 --> 00:08:16,891 The large sweaty gentleman with the chili dogs on his breath. 169 00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:20,524 Niles, Joe is here already and we do have a deadline. 170 00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:22,236 But, don't you think it would be prudent… 171 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:23,445 Niles, it's settled. 172 00:08:23,529 --> 00:08:26,229 That's great because I'm kind of anxious to get at her. 173 00:08:27,994 --> 00:08:29,161 I'll just bet he is. 174 00:08:29,245 --> 00:08:31,498 -Oh, Niles. -The testosterone-driven, tool-wielding… 175 00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:34,043 Niles, Niles, he's talking about the scratch! 176 00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:36,087 Oh, I knew that! 177 00:08:37,048 --> 00:08:38,215 I mean, I know that. 178 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:40,010 I mean, watch him! 179 00:08:45,768 --> 00:08:47,644 Someone remodeling? 180 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,856 No, bad wiring in one of the condos. 181 00:08:50,523 --> 00:08:52,693 Well, I hope you gentlemen won't be working this evening. 182 00:08:52,777 --> 00:08:55,071 I'm entertaining some very important guests 183 00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:57,616 and, you know how sound travels in this building. 184 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,076 Can't make any promises. 185 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,960 We're here as long as this poor sap is willing to pay us. 186 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,175 [LOUD DRILLING] 187 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,429 What is happening? 188 00:09:13,513 --> 00:09:14,555 Hold it down, guys. 189 00:09:15,474 --> 00:09:16,766 Sorry about this, Dr. Crane, 190 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:20,813 but when I plugged in the sander to start on the floor, you blew a circuit. 191 00:09:20,897 --> 00:09:23,942 So naturally you're sawing a hole into my wall. 192 00:09:24,026 --> 00:09:26,404 When the circuit blew, it started the fire. 193 00:09:26,488 --> 00:09:28,115 You got some real bad wiring in here. 194 00:09:28,199 --> 00:09:29,951 -All right, how long? -Couple hours. 195 00:09:30,035 --> 00:09:32,495 Now "a couple" is vague. 196 00:09:32,579 --> 00:09:35,249 That would mean the big hand would be on the 12 and the little hand… 197 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,877 On the four. 198 00:09:36,961 --> 00:09:39,589 Oh, the four? Oh, the four is okay. Fine, thank you. 199 00:09:39,673 --> 00:09:41,049 And you know the fire? 200 00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:42,176 Eddie smelled it first. 201 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:45,722 Oh, well, he's a regular canary in a coal mine, isn't he? 202 00:09:48,226 --> 00:09:50,478 My God, what's going on? 203 00:09:50,562 --> 00:09:52,981 Don't ask, Niles. Oh, I see you've got the Romanée-Conti? 204 00:09:53,065 --> 00:09:55,777 Yes, but unfortunately they only had the one bottle. 205 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,780 That's funny, the importer told me he had two. 206 00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,073 Really? How strange. 207 00:10:04,497 --> 00:10:06,249 If I didn't know you better, I would swear 208 00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,418 that you had squirreled one away for yourself. 209 00:10:08,502 --> 00:10:11,673 But then we both know that you must be telling the truth 210 00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:13,592 because you're such a slave to your ethics 211 00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:17,849 that even the slightest transgression would cause your nose to bleed. 212 00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:21,854 Which it isn't. 213 00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:24,065 You just sniffed. 214 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,858 I didn't sniff. 215 00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:27,487 It was a snort of contempt. 216 00:10:28,196 --> 00:10:30,449 A snort is out. That was in. 217 00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:34,829 Oh, all right. The other bottle's in the car in my bowling bag. 218 00:10:34,913 --> 00:10:35,748 Thank you. 219 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,377 You have a bowling bag? 220 00:10:39,461 --> 00:10:42,590 Yes, Maris and I have taken to giving each other gag gifts. 221 00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:45,761 I gave her a cookbook. 222 00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:49,307 Oh, yoo-hoo. 223 00:10:51,227 --> 00:10:55,273 I, uh, noticed how your shirt was clinging to your back 224 00:10:55,357 --> 00:11:00,196 and I thought a glass of iced tea might hit the spot. 225 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,406 Oh, thanks, Daph. 226 00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:02,783 Oh! [LAUGHS] 227 00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:05,704 -I got a spark. -Me, too. 228 00:11:05,788 --> 00:11:09,338 That's just static electricity from the carpet. It can happen to anyone. 229 00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:11,546 -I'll show you. Watch. -Niles. 230 00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:18,888 Stop poking me! 231 00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:24,520 Should I put these little fingery foods for tonight in the fridge? 232 00:11:24,604 --> 00:11:26,690 Oh, yes, please. The brie is sweating up a storm. 233 00:11:26,774 --> 00:11:29,736 -Let me help you with those. -No, Daphne, let me help you. 234 00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:33,408 Excuse me, Bruce. Jeez! Spark, spark! Did you see the… 235 00:11:37,746 --> 00:11:41,460 Well, I will be back after work at 5:30. 236 00:11:41,544 --> 00:11:45,715 I hope I have your word that my apartment will be perfect by then. 237 00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:48,844 -Sure thing. -All right, think before you answer. 238 00:11:48,928 --> 00:11:51,264 This is not like marriage vows or a promise to a dying parent. 239 00:11:51,348 --> 00:11:52,698 This really, really counts. 240 00:11:54,728 --> 00:11:55,896 You have my word. 241 00:11:56,814 --> 00:11:57,898 Thank you. 242 00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:59,526 Man, I am sweating like a pig. 243 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:00,985 I gotta air myself out. 244 00:12:01,069 --> 00:12:03,906 -Hold the elevator, will you? -I'm sorry. I need this nose tonight. 245 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,159 Thank you. 246 00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:09,497 You don't have to keep feeding these men. 247 00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:12,681 Actually, Maris finds they work faster if you keep them hungry. 248 00:12:13,169 --> 00:12:14,837 I don't mind. 249 00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:18,271 'Course I probably don't cook as well as their wives or girlfriends. 250 00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:22,557 That is, if they all have girlfriends. 251 00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:25,770 I'm sure Joe's probably mentioned some girl to you. 252 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,565 No. 253 00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:29,483 Really? 254 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,444 That is, not any one girl. 255 00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:35,074 Not old "Love 'em and leave 'em Joe." 256 00:12:37,201 --> 00:12:40,288 From what I've heard, he's wrecked more homes than he's fixed. 257 00:12:40,665 --> 00:12:42,624 Mimsy Stanhope has him over all the time 258 00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:45,045 and I don't just mean to strip her entry way. 259 00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:48,174 Oh, I see. 260 00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:50,343 I'm sorry, Daphne. 261 00:12:50,427 --> 00:12:54,224 No, it's better I should know now before I get me hopes up. 262 00:12:55,016 --> 00:12:56,811 Thank you for being honest with me. 263 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:13,916 Ah. 264 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,669 [WHIRRING STARTS] 265 00:13:24,597 --> 00:13:25,557 FRASIER: Joe? 266 00:13:25,641 --> 00:13:28,353 Dr. Crane, don't panic. I can explain everything. 267 00:13:28,437 --> 00:13:29,312 Wonderful. 268 00:13:29,396 --> 00:13:32,650 Then perhaps you can explain these legs. 269 00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:36,196 That's Cecil. He's the best ceiling guy in Seattle. 270 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,659 We were lucky to get him. When we opened up the wall to get at the faulty wiring, 271 00:13:39,743 --> 00:13:42,788 we found the gas pipes leading to your fireplace were cracked. 272 00:13:42,872 --> 00:13:45,124 -Had to be fixed. -Tonight? 273 00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:48,588 I okayed it. It just seemed wiser to do it before the explosion. 274 00:13:52,927 --> 00:13:53,762 Frasier! 275 00:13:54,429 --> 00:13:58,101 The club members arrive in 45 minutes! Have you lost your… Cecil! 276 00:14:01,773 --> 00:14:02,981 Niles, don't yell at me. 277 00:14:03,065 --> 00:14:05,402 If you were able to lift anything heavier than an emery board, 278 00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:07,113 we wouldn't be in this position. 279 00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:09,156 Well, maybe next time you'll listen to your old man. 280 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,617 Thank you, Dad. I was just considering 281 00:14:10,701 --> 00:14:12,244 whether I should go shave or slit my wrists. 282 00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:15,833 -You've made my choice a little easier. -Don't worry, we're gonna make it. 283 00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:21,089 Only, about that shaving, we had to shut the water off to replace a valve. 284 00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:24,804 Oh, well that explosion idea's sounding better and better. 285 00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:28,891 Would someone at least move that mantlepiece away from the door? 286 00:14:28,975 --> 00:14:30,602 [PHONE RINGING] 287 00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:31,729 -Hello? -[LOUD SCRAPING] 288 00:14:31,813 --> 00:14:34,483 Yes, oh, just hold on, will you? 289 00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:39,030 -Hey, Joe? -Yeah. 290 00:14:39,657 --> 00:14:41,950 You know, you're gonna be through by 7:00? 291 00:14:42,034 --> 00:14:44,384 Gives you plenty of time for dinner and a movie. 292 00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:49,753 Excuse me. 293 00:14:49,837 --> 00:14:52,382 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 294 00:14:55,719 --> 00:14:58,306 I said, I don't want to go out with you! 295 00:15:02,228 --> 00:15:04,731 Well, what're you looking at? Get back to work! 296 00:15:05,524 --> 00:15:06,818 Thanks a lot. 297 00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:10,072 Why would she do that? She's crazy about him. 298 00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:18,875 Niles, is your nose bleeding? 299 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,629 No, no, I was just admiring Cecil's handiwork. 300 00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,217 That was the mayor on the phone. 301 00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:30,141 Apparently his wife can't make it tonight, so he has invited Senator Adler. 302 00:15:31,517 --> 00:15:33,394 Could anything else possibly go wrong? 303 00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:34,479 Take a look at that. 304 00:15:36,733 --> 00:15:37,692 Oh, dear God, 305 00:15:38,568 --> 00:15:39,945 is that blood on my floor? 306 00:15:42,991 --> 00:15:44,659 And another drop. 307 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,085 Niles! 308 00:15:57,969 --> 00:15:59,220 Well? 309 00:16:00,222 --> 00:16:04,072 Is it terribly wrong to mislead someone, even if it's for his or her own good? 310 00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:05,980 What did you tell Daphne? 311 00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:10,151 I made up a story that Joe seduces all the women he works for 312 00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,863 so she wouldn't go out with him. 313 00:16:11,947 --> 00:16:15,200 Oh, Niles, how could you be so selfish? 314 00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:17,369 I didn't do it for me. I did it for her. 315 00:16:17,453 --> 00:16:19,539 She deserves a doctor or a lawyer. 316 00:16:19,623 --> 00:16:21,873 Someone for whom a T-shirt is an undergarment. 317 00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:26,507 Look, I don't know what sort of twisted fantasy 318 00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:27,967 you've concocted about you and Daphne. 319 00:16:28,051 --> 00:16:30,345 I suppose it involves a comet hitting the earth and you 320 00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:32,473 and she having to rebuild the species. 321 00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:36,646 But trust me, Niles, it is not going to happen. 322 00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:42,278 She needs a man that can do more for her than just smell her hair. 323 00:16:45,658 --> 00:16:47,619 -Daphne! -What are you going to do? 324 00:16:47,703 --> 00:16:48,912 You are going to fix this. 325 00:16:48,996 --> 00:16:50,331 What am I gonna tell her? 326 00:16:50,415 --> 00:16:52,207 Tell her the truth. 327 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,753 Only the truth shall make you clot. 328 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:00,135 Yes, Dr. Crane? 329 00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:03,682 Yes, Daphne, Niles has something he wishes to discuss with you. 330 00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:05,935 What is it, Dr. Crane? 331 00:17:06,019 --> 00:17:08,564 Oh, look, you have a spot on your tie. 332 00:17:10,733 --> 00:17:13,737 Well, earlier, [CLEARS THROAT] what I said about Joe. 333 00:17:14,905 --> 00:17:15,906 I made a mistake. 334 00:17:16,782 --> 00:17:19,786 He doesn't sleep around. He hasn't wrecked any homes. 335 00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:22,915 And [SNIFFLES] the business about Mimsy Stanhope… 336 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,461 Oh, sorry. 337 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,521 Is there a john around here that ain't occupado? 338 00:17:29,884 --> 00:17:31,886 You can use the master bedroom. 339 00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:35,516 Joe never worked for Mimsy Stanhope. 340 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,475 He sure didn't. 341 00:17:36,559 --> 00:17:38,520 I do all the work at Mimsy's. 342 00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:41,107 She is one tough lady to satisfy. 343 00:17:41,191 --> 00:17:42,025 You? 344 00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,901 I'm the only guy who can make her happy. 345 00:17:46,990 --> 00:17:48,283 Everybody knows that. 346 00:17:50,328 --> 00:17:53,164 So that was the mistake you made. 347 00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:56,127 Those stories you heard weren't about Joe. 348 00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:57,670 They were about Bruce? 349 00:18:00,216 --> 00:18:01,801 Hard to believe, isn't it? 350 00:18:03,261 --> 00:18:06,599 But you know, when society women go slumming, they go all the way. 351 00:18:08,644 --> 00:18:13,190 So you can tell Joe that you've changed your mind about going out with him. 352 00:18:13,274 --> 00:18:15,235 Oh, no, I couldn't. 353 00:18:15,319 --> 00:18:16,403 What would I say? 354 00:18:16,487 --> 00:18:19,407 Well, just tell him the truth. Tell him that I heard stories that he… 355 00:18:19,491 --> 00:18:20,493 Oh, no, bad idea. 356 00:18:22,704 --> 00:18:25,750 Here, you wait here. 357 00:18:31,048 --> 00:18:32,092 -Joe? -Yeah? 358 00:18:36,013 --> 00:18:37,663 You have to ask Daphne out again. 359 00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:39,934 Are you nuts? You heard what she said. 360 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,268 Yes, but if you ask her again, she'll say yes. 361 00:18:42,897 --> 00:18:44,316 Hey, maybe I've changed my mind. 362 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,944 Oh, no, you haven't changed your mind. 363 00:18:47,028 --> 00:18:50,365 You're just letting masculine vanity and hurt feelings keep you from something 364 00:18:50,449 --> 00:18:53,078 that other men can only dream of in their oxblood, 365 00:18:53,162 --> 00:18:55,712 Cetus leather, wing back chairs with the lights off. 366 00:18:58,627 --> 00:19:01,464 Look, Dr. Crane, I just don't think it would work out, okay? 367 00:19:01,548 --> 00:19:03,091 No, it's not okay. 368 00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,077 If you had ever smelled her hair, 369 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,349 you'd know she's worth at least one more try. 370 00:19:09,975 --> 00:19:11,060 She is an angel. 371 00:19:11,144 --> 00:19:12,645 She is a goddess. 372 00:19:12,729 --> 00:19:14,982 And she's waiting for you in the bathroom. 373 00:19:27,498 --> 00:19:29,418 You… You got a minute? 374 00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:35,468 [GROANS] 375 00:19:44,271 --> 00:19:45,856 -We're never gonna make it. -[PHONE RINGS] 376 00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,358 Daphne, would you please get that? 377 00:19:47,442 --> 00:19:49,319 Jeez, I thought you were just gonna slit your wrists. 378 00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:51,906 Looks like you went for death by a thousand cuts. 379 00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:54,492 I cut myself because I was shaving without water. 380 00:19:54,576 --> 00:19:57,538 And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair which gouged the floor 381 00:19:57,622 --> 00:19:58,915 which made me call for Joe 382 00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,793 who found bad pipes which called for Cecil 383 00:20:00,877 --> 00:20:04,777 who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built! 384 00:20:08,762 --> 00:20:09,889 That was the doorman. 385 00:20:09,973 --> 00:20:13,310 -Senator Adler's limousine just pulled up. -Oh, it's over. 386 00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:14,770 It's over. 387 00:20:15,354 --> 00:20:17,357 Sing, fat lady, sing. 388 00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:19,484 Frasier, what are we gonna do? 389 00:20:19,568 --> 00:20:21,821 You're gonna give me your cash, both of you. Come on, hurry up. 390 00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:24,324 Never mind why. Just hand it to me. Come on, be quick, Niles. 391 00:20:24,408 --> 00:20:26,076 All right. You want all 700 dollars? 392 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,871 You carry 700 dollars in your wallet? 393 00:20:27,955 --> 00:20:30,582 Well, Maris asked me to stop by the drugstore later. 394 00:20:32,252 --> 00:20:33,545 Just hand it over. 395 00:20:35,256 --> 00:20:38,426 Okay, guys, I got 700 and some odd dollars here. 396 00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:41,138 If you can get everything cleared up before Frasier's buddies get up here, 397 00:20:41,222 --> 00:20:43,058 it's yours to split any way you want on the way out. 398 00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:45,060 Bribery? That's your big plan? 399 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,521 Let's go! Come on. 400 00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:51,569 My God, it's starting to work! 401 00:20:51,653 --> 00:20:52,779 It's starting to work! 402 00:20:52,863 --> 00:20:55,813 Hey, here's another hundred I was holding out on my old man! 403 00:21:00,707 --> 00:21:03,000 -Dr. Crane? -Yes. 404 00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:04,795 Joe told me what you did. 405 00:21:05,755 --> 00:21:08,717 I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 406 00:21:09,217 --> 00:21:10,053 Thank you. 407 00:21:10,595 --> 00:21:11,470 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES] 408 00:21:11,554 --> 00:21:12,973 -[YELPS] -Did you feel that? 409 00:21:13,057 --> 00:21:15,100 -We made a spark. -Oh, yes, we did. 410 00:21:15,184 --> 00:21:16,519 I guess you were right. 411 00:21:16,603 --> 00:21:18,104 It is just the carpet. 412 00:21:20,691 --> 00:21:24,141 Okay, everybody, come on! Move it, move it, move it! We're outta here! 413 00:21:24,989 --> 00:21:27,326 -You ready? -Good night. 414 00:21:29,411 --> 00:21:31,261 Good night, Daphne. Have a good time. 415 00:21:31,831 --> 00:21:34,584 Oh, my God, we did it! 416 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,004 We actually did it! 417 00:21:36,088 --> 00:21:38,840 Oh, Dad please, please don't leave. I'd like you to stay. 418 00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:41,427 I mean, you helped me get this put together tonight. 419 00:21:41,511 --> 00:21:43,763 Thanks, Fras, that makes me feel good. 420 00:21:43,847 --> 00:21:45,850 Not good enough to hang around with that bleeding heart, 421 00:21:45,934 --> 00:21:48,562 softy-on-crime Senator Adler, but good. 422 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,733 Come on, Eddie, politicians are coming. 423 00:21:53,693 --> 00:21:54,987 [DOORBELL RINGS] 424 00:21:55,071 --> 00:21:55,947 They're here. 425 00:22:00,078 --> 00:22:04,291 Senator Adler, Mayor, welcome to my humble abode. 426 00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:06,775 You know you're outta TP in the can? 427 00:22:15,098 --> 00:22:18,065 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 428 00:22:18,149 --> 00:22:20,730 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 429 00:22:20,814 --> 00:22:22,106 Quite stylish. 430 00:22:22,190 --> 00:22:24,360 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 431 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:27,113 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 432 00:22:27,197 --> 00:22:29,240 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 433 00:22:29,324 --> 00:22:31,077 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 434 00:22:31,161 --> 00:22:34,373 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 435 00:22:35,291 --> 00:22:38,002 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 436 00:22:38,086 --> 00:22:39,630 Good night!