1
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,171
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,941
ALL:
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
3
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:12,577
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
4
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,346
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
5
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,015
♪ You'll laugh
Till you collapse ♪
6
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,417
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
7
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,219
BOTH:
♪ Come join
The Warner brothers ♪
8
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,853
♪ And the Warner sister, Dot ♪
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,856
ALL:
♪ Just for fun we run around
The Warner movie lot ♪
10
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,526
♪ They lock us in the tower
Whenever we get caught ♪
11
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,228
♪ But we break loose
And then vamoose ♪
12
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,429
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
13
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,964
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
15
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,269
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
16
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,970
♪ While Bill Clinton
Plays the sax ♪
17
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,040
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
18
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,375
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain ♪
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,876
♪ Who want to rule
The universe ♪
20
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,245
♪ Goodfeathers flock together ♪
21
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,779
♪ Slappy whacks 'em
With her purse ♪
22
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,081
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
23
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,615
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
24
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,351
♪ The writers flipped
We have no script ♪
25
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,519
♪ Why bother to rehearse? ♪
26
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,288
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
27
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,124
♪ We have pay-or-play
Contracts ♪
28
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,559
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
29
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,227
♪ There's bologna
In our slacks ♪
30
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,795
♪ We're Animan-y ♪
31
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,230
♪ Totally insane-y ♪
32
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,698
♪ Citizen Kane-y ♪
33
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,900
♪ Animaniacs ♪
34
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,369
♪ Those are the facts ♪
35
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:17,309
♪ The crankiest of creatures
In the whole wide world ♪
36
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:21,113
♪ Our next cartoon
Features Slappy the squirrel ♪
37
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,616
Enough with the singin' already.
38
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,485
♪ That's Slappy ♪
39
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,567
I like
the chocolate ones.
40
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,102
Welcome back to the show.
41
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,640
We now review a new laser disc
just released to home video.
42
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,675
It's called
The Best of Looney Tunes,
43
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,977
and it contains such favorites
as Bugs Bunny,
44
00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,812
Daffy Duck and Porky Pig.
45
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:56,114
Let's take a look.
46
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,018
Wabbit twacks.
47
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,722
♪ Kill the wabbit ♪
48
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,124
♪ Kill the wabbit ♪
49
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,759
♪ Kill the wabbit ♪
50
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,863
Kill the wabbit?
51
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:14,266
That's strange.
52
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:17,769
All of a sudden
I don't quite feel like myself.
53
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,772
Oh, I feel all right.
And yet I-- I, uh--
54
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,207
[SCREAMS]
55
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,709
[STUTTERING]
Are you really
the last of the dodoes?
56
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,014
Yes, I'm really
the last of the dodoes.
57
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,516
[SINGING SCAT]
58
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,293
[BOTH LAUGHING]
59
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,196
[IMITATING DODO]
60
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,298
[AS DAFFY DUCK]
That's despicable.
61
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,933
♪ Catch-a the wabbit ♪
62
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,902
It's so funny.
63
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:55,373
HISSKILL:
I have to stop laughing.
64
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,674
I'm gonna throw up.
65
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,510
[HISSKILL & EGGBERT
CONTINUE LAUGHING]
66
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,912
They love it, Aunt Slappy.
67
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,582
Yeah, yeah.
Enough Bugs Bunny already.
68
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,184
When are they gonna show clips
from my cartoons?
69
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,620
I mean, I'm supposed
to be in this laser beam
70
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,523
doohickey, thingamajig
here somewhere, right?
71
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,691
Yeah, there I am.
72
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,260
Look at my head.
73
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:20,298
They're just saving the best
for last, Aunt Slappy.
74
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,168
A little heroine worship
never hurt nobody.
75
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,372
Yep, this is perhaps
the best compilation
76
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,207
of Warner cartoons ever.
77
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,843
Unfortunately,
it also includes cartoons
78
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:35,780
featuring the only Warner's
character that we actually hate.
79
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,916
The terribly unfunny
Slappy Squirrel.
80
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,085
[IN UNISON]
What?
81
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:44,222
Codger, have you ever laughed
at a Slappy Squirrel cartoon?
82
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,526
Never. She repulses me.
83
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:51,363
I mean,
she's just not funny.
84
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,500
She never made
a funny cartoon in her life.
85
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,669
Oof!
86
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,672
Let's face it, Slappy Squirrel
is without a doubt
87
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,840
the unfunniest
cartoon character
88
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,342
in the history of animation.
89
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,577
Oof!
90
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,015
So to the collection
of Warner cartoons,
91
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,084
we both give
an enthusiastic
92
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,852
"toes up."
93
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:18,022
But to the cartoons
of Slappy Squirrel
94
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:22,494
we both give a big,
smelly "toes down."
95
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
And that's our show.
96
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,335
I'm Lean Hisskill.
97
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,304
And I'm Codger Eggbert.
98
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:35,740
Till next time,
the balcony is ours.
99
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:40,545
[GROANS]
100
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:42,947
Those mean men.
101
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,183
How could they say
such horrible things?
102
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:48,019
Now, Skippy,
it's a free country.
103
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,689
Everyone's entitled
to his own opinion.
104
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:51,956
But they're wrong.
105
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,792
You're the funniest
cartoon character ever.
106
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,528
Calm down, Skippy.
107
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:59,598
We can't let 'em
get away with it, Aunt Slappy.
108
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,634
Let's go get 'em.
109
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,836
Skippy, no.
What are you thinkin'?
110
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,440
Oh, you're right, Aunt Slappy.
111
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,176
We'll need the big bombs.
112
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,845
That's better, kid.
113
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,913
Come on, let's blow 'em
to kingdom come.
114
00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:17,382
Yay!
115
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,089
[♪♪♪]
116
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,273
Now, here's today's lesson,
Skippy.
117
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:43,241
If you wanna go
on national TV
118
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,877
and shred someone's career
to pieces,
119
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:46,944
you have the right.
120
00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:48,546
Right.
121
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,715
But when you do that, remember:
122
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,752
Don't go listin' your
home address in the phone book.
123
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,945
A lesson well-learned.
124
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,948
[LAUGHING]
125
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:26,451
The home
of Hisskill and Eggbert
126
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,920
unexpectedly exploded today.
127
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,356
But happily,
the two famous movie critics
128
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,258
were away on business
having their legs waxed.
129
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,328
It's sad, really.
130
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,497
And tonight, they'll both
be attending the gala premiere
131
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,600
of Steven Spielberg's
new blockbuster movie.
132
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,102
Skippy,
feel like takin' in a flick?
133
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:47,104
Well...
134
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,741
Come on, it'll be fun.
135
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,242
Okay.
136
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,215
[♪♪♪]
137
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,658
Well, hi.
Mary Hartless here
138
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,693
at the movie event of the year.
139
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:12,530
An invitation-only affair
for Hollywood's cultural elite.
140
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,936
Tickets, please,
for Hisskill and Eggbert.
141
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,473
Hisskill and Eggbert,
Hisskill and Eggbert.
142
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,742
Uh, nope, not on the list.
143
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,545
We have invitations, miss.
144
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,780
Yeah, who doesn't?
145
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:32,417
Listen, you're not on the list,
pally boy,
146
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,619
so take a hike, okay? Next!
147
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,254
Do you know who we are?
148
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,689
We're Hisskill and Eggbert,
149
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,390
world-famous movie critics.
150
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,759
Our review could make or break
this film.
151
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,628
We demand to be let in.
152
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,631
Oh, in that case,
a thousand pardons.
153
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,201
Let me personally
show you to your seats.
154
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,270
That's better.
155
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,610
Your seats
are right here.
156
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,550
Bon voyage-y.
157
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,655
[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]
158
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:11,756
Well, what do ya know?
159
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,558
Their names were
on the list after all.
160
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,192
Oops.
161
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,194
[LAUGHING]
162
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,468
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
163
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,271
Tickets, please.
164
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,739
Hey, look, there's been
an error.
165
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,275
We don't have tickets,
but you have to let us in.
166
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,843
Persistent little buggers,
ain't they?
167
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:33,944
Sorry, sir.
168
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,446
No ticket, no movie.
169
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,149
Now, listen, you little brat,
we're goin' in there.
170
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,651
Aye-ya!
171
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,057
No way.
172
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,195
Okay, kid, listen.
173
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,631
We'll pay ya to let us in.
174
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,800
No, that would be bribery.
175
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,269
Oh, come on, please?
How much?
176
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:01,038
We made it!
177
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,707
HISSKILL:
We're inside! Hooray!
178
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,075
Nice work, Skippy.
179
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,877
You just paid
for your college education.
180
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,245
College, nothin'.
181
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:11,081
I'm goin' to Vegas.
182
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:13,484
Get me Siegfried and Roy's
autograph, would ya?
183
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,085
Hurry up, Codger.
Wait.
184
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,622
I just need to get
a quick snack.
185
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:19,691
May I help you,
186
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,359
or did the Goodyear blimp
just land?
187
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,660
Ha, ha.
188
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,530
Give me a large tub
of popcorn, and hurry.
189
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:27,799
There you go, Shamu.
190
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,834
You want artificial butter
flavoring on that?
191
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:30,835
Sure.
192
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,670
All right then.
193
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,071
Does it cost extra?
194
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,373
Artificial butter?
195
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,808
Nah, it's cheap stuff.
196
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,443
Really? What's it made of?
197
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,077
Ah, it's just lard
198
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,047
that I'm liposuctioning
out of your gut.
199
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,250
Ew!
Ick!
200
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,686
Hey, pal, that'll be 7.50.
201
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,722
It's about time.
The movie's starting.
202
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,122
Where's the balcony, kid?
203
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:53,924
Upstairs, duh.
204
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,426
Come on.
205
00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,231
HISSKILL:
I hope we haven't missed
the opening credits.
206
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,500
[IN UNISON]
Aaagh!
207
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,102
[BOTH SCREAMING]
208
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:12,343
Okay, who's the wise guy
that moved the balcony?
209
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,345
[LAUGHING]
210
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,449
HISSKILL:
There he is.
211
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,652
Why you incorrigible
little brat.
212
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,488
There's no balcony up there.
213
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,256
Excuse me, I'm the manager.
214
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,491
Is there a problem?
215
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,326
Yes! We wanna be shown
to our seats.
216
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,095
Immediately!
217
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,931
All right, sir, but I'm afraid
the only remaining seats
218
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:34,932
are in the front row.
219
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,801
Fine. We don't care.
220
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,703
Just take us there. Now!
221
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,008
Right this way.
222
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,484
There ya go.
223
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,152
Enjoy the movie.
224
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,567
[WHISPERING]
Very lifelike.
225
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,607
And the special effects
are astounding.
226
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,681
[SCREAMING]
227
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,543
Ready, aim, fire!
228
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,400
[LAUGHING]
229
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,137
So both Aunt Slappy and I
230
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,272
give Steven Spielberg's
new film
231
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:25,342
a great big "toes up."
232
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,578
I love a movie
with a happy ending.
233
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,246
[LAUGHING]
234
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,248
[LAUGHTER]
235
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,890
So you see, we were wrong
about Slappy Squirrel.
236
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,357
She's funny.
237
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:43,594
She's the funniest
cartoon character of all time.
238
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,263
These guys are finally
startin' to talk sense.
239
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,199
Slappy Squirrel, we salute ya.
240
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:52,236
That is, if we had the ability
to move our arms,
241
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,804
we'd salute ya.
242
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,305
And that's our show.
243
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,708
So until next time,
the balcony is--
244
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,781
Blown up.
245
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,584
Now, that's comedy.
246
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,655
[♪♪♪]
247
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:29,107
[♪♪♪]
248
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:34,311
NARRATOR:
Paris, France, 1575.
249
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:37,414
A time of great social
and political unrest.
250
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,217
CROWD [CHANTING]:
Down with the king!
251
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,085
Down with the king!
252
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,987
Down with the king!
253
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,522
The king's popularity
was waning,
254
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:48,559
and there had been
numerous threats on his life.
255
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:52,130
As such,
he was a very nervous monarch.
256
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,998
[YELPS]
257
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,869
So the king sought the wisdom
of his sage, the soothsayer.
258
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,706
You scared me.
259
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:03,707
[GASPS]
260
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:04,909
Gadzooks!
261
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,911
Is there going to be
another attempt on my life?
262
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,079
What do you see?
263
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,914
The viper is coming.
264
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:13,417
The viper is coming tonight
at 11:30.
265
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,352
[GASPS]
Oooh!
266
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,921
[SHRIEKS]
267
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,722
[WHIMPERING]
268
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:21,859
You scared me again. Stop it.
269
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,196
Who in France is brave enough
to protect me from the viper?
270
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,899
The three musketeers.
271
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,540
♪ Hail the king's protectors ♪
272
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:40,211
♪ Hail the three musketeers ♪
273
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,381
♪ Hail the king's protectors ♪
274
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,185
♪ Hail the three musketeers ♪
275
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:50,922
Who are you waitin' for?
276
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,256
The musketeers.
277
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,525
♪ Hail the king's protectors ♪
278
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,028
♪ Hail the three musketeers ♪
279
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,562
I think you've been stood up.
280
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,299
Who are they waiting for?
281
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,433
The Mouseketeers.
282
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,536
Where's Cubby?
He's dreamy.
283
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,906
Good heavens,
you are the three musketeers.
284
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,809
That is correct.
Tell him what he's won, Dottie.
285
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,212
A year's supply
of Squeezie Cheeze.
286
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,613
The not-quite-but-almost
cheese food in a bottle.
287
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:18,082
If it's almost food
but not quite,
288
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,550
it's Squeezie Cheeze.
289
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:22,854
Yes, my not-so-royal highness,
we are the three musketeers.
290
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:25,056
All for one and one for all.
291
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,892
And one times 10 divided
by two times pi equals--
292
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:28,893
What's that equal?
293
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:29,894
Nope.
294
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:30,962
It's Sweet'N Low.
295
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,096
I must say,
296
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,865
you caught me off guard,
musketeers.
297
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,700
I thought for sure you'd make
one of your grand entrances.
298
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,469
You mean, like this:
299
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,875
♪ We're the musketeers
And we're very proud to say ♪
300
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:45,243
♪ That through the years ♪
301
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,778
♪ In the face of danger
We have run away ♪
302
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,146
♪ But, hey, that's okay ♪
303
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:51,815
♪ What should you expect
With this take-home pay? ♪
304
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,485
♪ We're the musketeers
We drive a Chevrolet ♪
305
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,920
♪ Swing on chandeliers ♪
306
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,322
♪ And have thrilling
Sword fights many times a day ♪
307
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,790
♪ It may sound cliché ♪
308
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,159
♪ But it was either this
Or sell Amway ♪
309
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,828
♪ Now, unclog those filthy
Dirty ears ♪
310
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,831
♪ It's time to meet
The musketeers ♪
311
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:08,832
♪ Musketeer roll call ♪
312
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,001
Yakkos
313
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,002
Wakkos
314
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,104
d'Otagnan
315
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,471
♪ Now we'll carve our initials ♪
316
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,672
♪ In your rears ♪
317
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:18,609
♪ 'Cause we are
The three musketeers ♪
318
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,511
Is that the kind
of entrance you meant?
319
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,512
Yes.
320
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,679
We don't do those anymore.
321
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,515
You three remind me
of a very young
322
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,517
Yippee, Yappee,
and Yahooey.
323
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,121
I have no idea what that meant.
324
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,290
Musketeers, you must help me.
325
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,892
I fear the presence
of a horrifying viper
326
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,295
in my chamber
tonight at 11:30.
327
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,862
You must protect me.
328
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:39,863
Say no more.
329
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,033
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
330
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,969
No, really, stop talking.
Your breath really smells.
331
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,372
This is my bedroom.
332
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,808
Let us go in first
and make sure it's safe.
333
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:51,976
All right.
334
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,945
You'd let
a poor, defenseless girl
335
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,712
go in that dark room
with who-knows-what
336
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:56,713
lurking in the shadows?
337
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,549
What kind of man are you?
338
00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,550
Well, I--
339
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,352
YAKKO & WAKKO:
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
340
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,155
I'm sorry.
What was I thinking?
341
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,756
You stay here,
little lady,
342
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,791
and I'll make sure
my room is safe.
343
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,796
[♪♪♪]
344
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:21,305
Is it safe?
345
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,306
[YELPS]
346
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:27,178
Well, king, looks like
the coast is clear.
347
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,846
Really?
How can you be sure?
348
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,047
See for yourself.
349
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,886
[COUGHING]
350
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,690
Time for your
bedtime snack.
351
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,692
Oh, goody.
352
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,826
Wait. It could be tainted
353
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,996
with some horrible
disfiguring poison.
354
00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:46,297
I'll test it.
355
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,965
Faboo.
356
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,270
[GASPS]
357
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,206
It was poisoned.
358
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:58,209
No, just mayonnaise.
359
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,610
[BURPS]
360
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,612
BOTH:
Spew.
361
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,080
[YAWNS]
362
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,082
I grow weary.
363
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,683
We grow azaleas.
364
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,786
I believe I shall retire.
365
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,889
For 20 years
of dedicated service
366
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,059
we celebrate your retirement
with this gold watch.
367
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,793
Why, thank you.
368
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,062
I never expected--
369
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,163
YAKKO:
It's been swell.
370
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,164
DOT:
Have a good life.
371
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,665
WAKKO:
Eat plenty of fiber.
372
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,100
♪ We're in charge ♪
373
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,568
♪ We're in charge ♪
374
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,370
♪ We're in charge ♪
375
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:27,738
I am the king.
376
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,473
Oh, wasn't that nice.
377
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,975
I always wanted a gold watch.
378
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,077
Wait a minute.
379
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,912
Enough of this frivolity.
380
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,480
You should be protecting me.
381
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,881
And I should be asleep.
382
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,483
You're just upset
383
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:42,386
'cause we've got a candy bar
named after us and you don't.
384
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,657
Kingiepoo want a lullaby?
385
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,393
That would be nice.
386
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:54,532
♪ Hush, little king
Please don't cry ♪
387
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,268
♪ We're gonna sing you
A lullaby ♪
388
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,337
♪ A big scary monster man
Is coming for you ♪
389
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:03,707
♪ He'll gobble you up
Like chunky beef stew ♪
390
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,077
ALL:
Mwah!
391
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,744
Good night.
392
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,448
We'll be right outside,
393
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,949
protecting you
from the evil viper
394
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,650
who looms in the shadows
to do horrible,
395
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,386
unspeakable things to you
396
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,020
while you innocently slumber.
397
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,855
ALL:
Sleep tight.
398
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:24,395
♪ Up, two, three, four
No one's gettin' in this door ♪
399
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:25,829
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
400
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,831
♪ Gonna ask Cindy Crawford
For a date ♪
401
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,233
[SCREAMS]
402
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,834
The king!
403
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:33,770
The viper!
404
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:41,479
The viper.
405
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,546
The viper.
406
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,614
[IN UNISON]
The viper.
407
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:46,883
Ya.
408
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,319
I'm da vindow viper.
409
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,187
I vipe da vindows.
410
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,390
[LAUGHING]
411
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:56,893
[CROWD LAUGHING, APPLAUSE]
412
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,065
YAKKO:
Thank you. Thank you.
That's our show.
413
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,001
Now let's meet today's cast.
414
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,569
Playing the king,
415
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:07,438
Sheila MacRae.
416
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,774
Playing the soothsayer,
417
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,943
Jane Kean.
418
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,978
And as the window wiper,
419
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,148
Art Carney.
420
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,717
Oh, I gotta tell ya,
421
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:24,288
Miami Beach audiences
are the greatest in the world.
422
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,089
Mwah!
423
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,591
Good night, everybody!
424
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,863
[♪♪♪]
425
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:08,899
Spew!