Fellas, I wanna talk about women and money.
Did you ever notice, like around pay day
your check becomes our check.
Your lady says stuff like, "When do we get paid?"
and, "Did we already put our check in the bank?"
and I'm thinkin' there's a lot of, "We", "We" going on here.
When did you start speaking French?
So think about it. When your lady starts speaking French
start speaking Spanish.
Adios.
[theme song]
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence ♪
How y'all been?
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence ♪
He's so crazy!
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence ♪
How y'all been?
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Lawrence ♪♪
Yo, yo, yo. Watch the hook. Watch the hook, man!
Fly, Peter. Fly, man. Fly, fly!
Tommy, I'm telling you I ain't with them stockings
but Peter Pan is the man!
I'm telling you, he's all that, man.
You think Peter was gay, man?
You know, hanging up in that tree
with all them lost boys.
The man had a girl, Tinker Bell!
Yeah, but Tinker was only this big.
But most of that was butt, man. Pow!
Tinker was like that.
You guys are really sick
sitting up here talking about cartoon characters' bodies.
I got bad news. Tinker Bell was flat.
- Yes she was, girl. - Don't even try it.
Yo, Martin! Tommy.
- How you ladies doing? - Hi, Cole.
- How you doing', Gina? - Hi, Cole.
Hi, Pam.
Yo, you get "White Men Can't Jump?"
I got something better.
What?
"Soul Island" starring King Beef!
King Beef? All his movies stink.
This boy's going to get a Oscar.
Go, King Beef! Please don't keep us waiting.
(King Beef) 'Ladies.'
I would love to rock
each and every one of your worlds.
But first, I must dance.
Oh, man. This stupid, man.
The ladies, man.
Excuse me. Why do we let Cole pick videos?
Excuse me, because I always pay for them.
I'm not watching King Beef. I'm outta here.
Wait! There must be something we could do.
[gasps] I know!
We could play that game from work, the book of questions.
That was fun, but I'm not playing that game
with these immature little boys.
Why we got to be all that, Pam?
I'm sayin' and why not?
Come on, Pam, it'll be fun.
These questions find out everybody's
embarrassing secrets.
Alright, girl, you know what? We should not play. You right.
No, no, no. Me and the fellas are down. What's up? We down.
I'm with Martin. It'll be fun.
Does this have anything to do with geography?
'Cause if it does, I'm out.
Okay, here's how you play.
When I ask the question you just answer it honestly.
That means everybody.
I gonna do the honest thing, girl.
Alright, question number one.
"Would you date someone 40 pounds overweight?"
Nah! Nah!
No, no.
I got to breathe, baby.
No. Pam.
I would, I mean, long as 20 of it was in his wallet.
Girl! Cole?
Sure, 40 pounds overweight means baby can cook.
Next question.
"Do you think, if you spend a lot of money on a woman
that means she owes you something?"
Absolutely not!
Well, how much money we talking about?
I don't, but I know some brothers that do.
Yes, y'all do. Y'all looking at one right here.
If I take a woman to the movies and dinner
you'd best believe I'm expecting somethin' back later.
That is ridiculous.
Sorry, baby, but that's the way it is with us men.
Sorry, honey.
Well, it's not right, but money is power.
That's right. See, the moola
is a down payment.
Whoa. Since y'all put it that way
let me give Cole back his $25 I borrowed last week.
I don't want you having any power over me.
I'll give you your money.
Be quiet. Next question.
Okay, "If you were married
"and shipwrecked on a desert island
"with a beautiful stranger
would you make love to them?"
Mary Ann and Ginger? Yeah!
But not that Mrs. Howell.
Martin?
Come on, baby.
I would die making love to a coconut
before I'd cheat on you.
Now, about this $25 you borrowed from Cole..
what was that all about?
Oh, okay, remember last week when Cole spent the night
'cause his mother had a date?
You were in the shower. I was running late for a meeting.
And I needed cash for a cab.
Moving on.
"Would you date someone
who was of a different race than yourself?"
It don't matter what race she is.
We all black when the lights go out.
Well, I don't know. My mama always told me
"If she can't use your comb, don't bring her home."
Oh! Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Tommy, you were dating a white girl in college.
No, she wasn't white.
She was French.
What about you, Martin?
So-so why didn't you get me out the shower?
What?
Martin, don't start. Just get over it.
Gina, why didn't you get me out the shower?
Why do you even care, Martin?
It's a man thing, baby.
I mean, you really wouldn't understand.
I don't want no other brother
loaning my girl money, you know what I'm sayin'.
You need money, I'm the man. Come to me.
You had just paid your rent.
Gina, that's not the point, okay?
The point is, baby, if you needed $25
come into the bathroom, ask me.
I probably would've said, "I don't have it.
Go out there, get Cole."
Cole would've came into the bathroom.
I'd borrow $25 from him.
Then I'd have gave you the $25. See my point, baby?
I don't see the difference?
She was helping you out.
The difference is, Pam..
Okay?
Alright? The money is power, alright?
And ain't nobody having power over my woman.
Wow. I didn't even know I had that power.
Power?
[chuckles] Mmm.
How does this power work exactly?
[imitates Gina]
Don't mock me, Gina.
Don't mock me.
Okay. We're going to work this power thing.
Everybody listening? Alright.
Gina borrows $25 from Cole
but she can't pay it back. Alright.
So a couple of years go by.
Brrrng! That's the phone.
Who's on the phone? It's ol' Coley-Cole here.
"Hey, Gina, girl, I own you."
"You into me deep."
Gina, "Oh, Cole, I'm so sorry.
I have no way to pay you back."
Cole, "Hush your mouth, girl.
"Yes, you do.
"You see, my mama's not home and payday has arrived."
Next thing you know
Gina is Cole's love slave.
Why?
Because you borrowed $25, baby, to catch a cab.
Girl.
I'm not to be mocked, Gina.
I'm so glad you cleared that up, brother
'cause I owe him 10. Here, brother.
Look, Martin, if money is power, then you ain't got none.
'cause see, Gina makes a whole lot more money than you anyway.
Pam, shh! Shh!
When did you start making more money than me?
Don't go there, brother.
I was going to tell you, Martin.
Just as soon as you started making more money
but don't worry about it, brother.
I know it'll happen for you.
Just hang in there and keep hope alive.
Keep hope out of my house!
Get out!
Don't be like that.
Martin, you just kicked us out!
You ain't got to go home, but get out. Bye.
Oh, wait, wait, I forgot my tape.
What is wrong with you?
How could you do this to me, Gina?
I didn't do anything to you, Martin.
I got.. I got.. Uh..
How much more money than me do you make?
Is it one zero, two zeroes, three zero?
How much more, Gina?
It doesn't matter.
That-that much, Gina?
Would you stop acting like this?
I-I think you'd better do what they just did.
I need time to think.
Are you serious?
Fine. Fine!
Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?
I don't know. I got to check my finances.
Don't worry, Martin. I'm paying.
Martin's got three ketchups all of them open.
[laughing]
Well, then stay out of my refrigerator.
What are y'all doing here, man?
We're always here.
No, but I threw y'all out.
That was yesterday.
Well, welcome back.
Hey, listen.
You know, I didn't mean any disrespect.
I never intended for Gina to be my love slave.
You know what, man. It's cool. I ain't got no beef with you.
Gina making more money than me tripped me out.
Why should you care anyway?
My whole radio image is based on me being in charge.
I'm the man. You know what I'm sayin'?
You're the man.
Exactly! Exactly!
Yo, man, if it got out that Gina makes more money than me
yo, I'll lose my whole audience.
And then Stan will fire me.
But don't worry, I'll get another job.
Calls will be comin' in.
It'll just be some guy, "look here, Martin,
give me pepperoni. Make sure it's not late."
Come on, Martin, you know that's not going to happen.
No it's not going to happen.
As long as my brothers didn't tell nobody.
Y'all ain't tell no one, did you?
- No! - No!
Yeah!
I just told moms.
What?
Moms and I don't keep no secrets.
Cole, what are you doing, man?
Telling your mama is like putting it on "Arsenio"
the night Eddie is on.
Cole, what did you tell your cackling mother?
Nothing. I just told her you was broke
and Gina make twice as much as you do.
But, you know, I didn't go into any details.
Call your mother and tell her it's not true.
I can't do that. It's her bingo night.
She's already been drinking.
Everybody knows, man.
Thanks, man. You ruined me, man.
(Martin) 'What's up? Listen.'
Today we're going to talk about
why men rule the household.
It's because men are the providers.
You know what I'm sayin'?
I mean, it's somethin' that goes way back
to the cave man days.
Hey, I didn't make it up.
See, a man's job back in the day
was to go out and hunt a water buffalo
kill the water buffalo
and drag the water buffalo home.
Not to say that the woman's job wasn't important.
I mean, somebody had to fry it up..
put some macaroni with it
hook it up with some yams.
You know.
But Detroit, I need to hear from you.
What up?
(male #1) 'Yo, Martin, this is Little Dee
calling from the East Side.
Little Dee, what's up, man?
Man, I heard through the grapevine
your woman is supportin' you.
Where'd you hear that, man?
'First I heard it while in line at the unemployment office'
'but I didn't pay it no mind.'
'Then I heard it again at the disability office.'
'But when I heard it later at my job'
'I had to call you, man.'
Well, Dee, come on, man. You know me. Come on, now.
You can't believe everything you hear
especially down at the unemployment office.
Because everybody down there got to lie, man.
You know what I'm sayin'. We going to move out. I'm out.
Next call. What up?
(male #2) 'Your woman is supportin' you?'
Yo, yo, shut up.
We got to break for a commercial. We'll be back.
Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin.
Stop dogging our female listeners.
I can't afford to lose that audience.
You have any idea what those tampon sponsors pay?
Can I talk to you?
Hurry. I got to get my hair cut.
- Well, let me hurry. - Yeah.
Listen.. Um..
Everybody knows that Gina makes more money than me, man.
So what's the problem, man?
You got a woman supportin' you.
Kick back, relax, spend her dough, man.
I been looking for a girl like this for years.
I got close once but she died
before I could get the papers signed.
Six months pushing wheelchairs for nothin'.
- Stan, that's cold, man. - No, it's not.
What's cold is, I'm going after her mother next week.
So, girls, what is the latest?
Ain't that Nora's girl over there?
Now, you know I'm not one
to be spreading other folks' mess
but my son Cole told me
she got three babies with four different daddies.
Oh!
That's what I heard.
That's nothing. Y'all remember Willie?
Yeah, we know Willie.
Girl, the man done burned down his house
for the insurance money.
Damn fool didn't even have no insurance.
I heard that, too.
Now, I also heard that your son Martin
broke as a joke and Gina's supportin' him.
Buyin' him clothes
and buyin' him groceries, too, child!
Now, y'all didn't have to do that.
You didn't have to say that. You didn't have to go there.
That was wrong, but since we going to be talkin'
about some sons mooching
let's talk about your son Cole.
Edna, leave my baby out of this.
Well, look, don't you think he's a little too damn old
to be living at home with his mama?
Better to mooch off your mama
than to mooch off your girlfriend.
Besides, Martin ain't nothin' but a gigolo.
That's your butt!
Don't make me no difference.
It's on! It's on!
Ladies, now, can't we act our age here?
If we acted our age, you'd be dead.
Oh, well!
You got nerve. What about your son Kevin?
I saw half your silverware at the pawn shop.
Alright, alright.
So we raised three sorry little boys.
Ooh! Ooh!
(Edna) 'Got me all started.'
Oh, lord. Y'all done got my blood pressure all up.
Sit. I got to get ready to get out of here
get my back cracked.
Girl, you was about to get wailed on.
That's alright.
You know sugar didn't want none of me.
I'll call y'all.
- Alright. - Alright.
Make sure you do.
Woman ain't got no sense.
Crazy as a road lizard.
Excuse me, ladies. I'm leaving. Is this tip mine?
Get away from that.
I'll give you a tip.
Don't eat egg salad
if you plan on riding the bus, sucker.
Ain't that Edna's boy over there?
Girl, sure is.
I bet he's so embarrassed, he hope nobody sees him.
I bet so.
Martin!
Come here, baby.
How y'all doing, Ms. Brown, Ms. Porter?
- How y'all doin'? - Fine.
What you doing here?
I got to take my Gina out to dinner,
'Cause, hey, I support my woman.
If I don't take her to dinner, she won't eat.
That's what I heard.
I heard that you could use a little help.
No, no. I'm cool.
Have you been listening to rumors about me being broke?
You know what happened?
I had lost my bank book.
They wanted to freeze my account
so nobody could get my money
but I got me some money now.
- Aww. - Yeah. Look at that.
You want some of this, don't you?
Get yourself a little something.
Bless you, baby.
- You want some, too? - Yeah.
Thank you.
One more. I know what you like to do.
That's right. You know me.
I'm going to get my seat
and get ready for my girl. See y'all later.
Boy, what a liar!
Who cares, girl?
Now I can get my toes done.
Hi, Martin. Sorry I'm late.
Are you alright?
Nothing I can't handle.
What will it be today?
Whoa. I'm the man.
I'll order for my baby.
Martin, what are you doing? I order for myself.
Not when I'm paying. That's right.
What's the most expensive thing you got in here?
Well, we have goat.
Oh, you got goat. Hook us up with some goat.
That's right, the most expensive goat you got.
You know what. Billy goat. Billy goat. Billy goat gruffs.
Give us two of those.
Spare no expense up in here!
Martin!
Give us Dom Perignon to go with the Billy goats.
Excuse me. I'm not sure if that's what I want.
Could you give us a few minutes?
Sure.
Martin, what's wrong with you?
I'm trying to take care of my baby.
Hey, ain't you Martin from the radio show?
Yeah, that's me.
I heard your show today.
Look here, brother, keep hope alive.
Yeah.
You see, Gina?
That's been happening all day, baby.
I'm a joke, Gina.
- You are not. - Yes, I am, baby.
You know what they say
about a man whose woman makes more than him?
What?
That I'm weak, I'm a punk, I'm nothin'.
I'm crumbs on the table.
Stop it, Martin. It's just rumors.
That's easy for you to say, babe.
You coming out large in this rumor, Gina.
Look, I don't care what people say.
Rumors don't last.
Yeah, but after this rumor's over
you'll still be making more money than me, Gina.
What do you want me to do quit my job?
No!
Take a pay cut.
[chuckles] Oh, you are hopeless.
See? Even you say it.
No, no.
I'm hopeless, right?
No, honey.
I'm a hopeless bum.
Oh, Gina, I'm so sorry I can't be the man
that you need me to be in support of you.
I'm so sorry.
This is a man thing, isn't it?
Yeah, baby, it's a man thing, Gina.
A man thing.
Alright, look at this way.
You make more money than me.
- I do? - Yes..
if you figure it per hour.
Yeah?
Yeah!
See, okay
you're on the air four hours a day, right?
And I put in 12-hour days sometimes.
Th-th-that's right.
Yes, that's right.
Now, if you think about it,
if you put in as many hours as I do
you'd be making way more money than me.
Way more.
That's right!
You know what? I didn't look at it that way.
Oh, my goodness.
Baby, they're making a fool of you on your job
and you don't even know it.
They're working my baby like a grant mule.
Girl, this is great. I got to tell white people.
Hey, I'm making more money than my girl.
Yeah, whew!
Baby, how do we tell everybody?
Don't push it, Martin.
Let's tell Cole mother.
She be cackling and telling..
You're lucky I love you.
Let's just get out of here
before I be broke for real.
Good. I wanted a burger anyway.
Hey, hey...you can get cheese on that.
[theme music]