Ah-hyuck!
♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪
♪ Like father, like son ♪
♪ You're always number one ♪
[both] Yes!
♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪
Yeah!
♪ You always seem to work things out ♪
♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪
♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪
Whoa!
♪ A real good time ♪
Aah!
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we'll always stick together ♪
♪ Always stick together ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪
♪ We're always ready to roll ♪
♪ Now gimme a beat ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we always stick together ♪
Gawrsh!
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪
♪ Come along and join the fun ♪
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪
Yeah!
[Goofy humming]
[clatter]
I can hope that was the sound of dawn cracking.
Nothing like a little manual labor to get the day started.
Now, if I can just find that manual.
Whoa!
[screams]
Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah!
That was definitely the sound one goofball neighbor
disturbifying my peace and quiet!
Goofer, do you know what time it is?
-Aah! -No, Pete!
I'm kind of busy right now!
Maybe you could ask Peg.
Yahoo!
Whoa, doggie! Ooh!
What do you think you're doing over there?
I think I'm putting up a TV antenna!
[Pete] No, this isn't happening.
It's-- it's a bad dream. Yeah, it's a Goofmare.
I'll just pinch myself really, really hard
and then I-- Ow!
Pete, must you howl like that?
I'm trying to sleep.
Me? Me? It's him!
His out there decimating my little slice of suburbia
-as we speak! -[crash]
[Goofy] Don't worry, Petey.
I'll pay for that dent in the hood.
[glass breaking]
[Goofy] And that windshield, too!
[crashing]
And I'll get you a new swimming pool while I'm at it.
Ooh, I can't take much more of this.
I tell ya, I can't take it! I can't take it!
[Goofy] Pete, you never liked persimmons anyway. Did ya?
[crying]
If I don't get away from him, I'll-- I'll--
Oh, I don't know.
But it probably won't be legal.
You know, you're absolutely right, bean dip.
You should get away for a while.
Oh, no, no, no, Peg. I mean it this time.
I mean every word.
I never meant nothing more in--
What'd you say?
You need a nice vacation.
Like on a cruise.
Like on the cruise you've been promising me
for the past 15 years.
-[crash] -[Goofy] Say, Petey!
What kind of insurance coverage you got on that garage?
[grins] My tickets to two weeks of sun, and no Goof.
Sea and no Goof!
Shuffleboard and no Goof!
[gasps] And I almost forgot. No Goof!
[laughs]
Oh, I'm gonna kick back, relax
and put some meat on these bones.
Yeah, you gotta have some bones in there somewhere.
Yeah. Goofster, I'll thank you to drive me back home.
Aw, shucks. No need to thank me, Pete.
It's the least I can do after smooshing your car.
And Peg's car. And P.J.'s bike, and Pistol's tricycle.
Walk softer, will ya? I can hear your brain rattling.
Oh, that's not me, Pete.
It's them two tailors down there.
The two tail--
Will you chisellers hurry it up?
I ain't got all day.
[Pete gasps] Goof, those tailors
are fitting that guy for a cement overcoat.
Pretty clever, huh?
Warmer than wool,
and it probably never needs ironing.
Don't you realize what's happening?
We gotta get out of here and call--
Goof?
Where are ya?
I'll bet you can wash that thing
from now 'till doomsday and it'll never wear out.
Goof! Goofer! Goofy!
Goofologist!
Be with you in a minute, Pete!
[chuckles] You fellas suppose
you could make me one of them?
This is gonna take all night, isn't it?
Goof, run! Scram! Vamoose!
Now hold your hearses, Pete!
I want to ask them if they do free alterations.
Whoa!
Get him, Scooter.
We can't have any witnesses.
[splash]
Thanks, Pete. I sure appreciate your--
[blubbering] You...
Say, are you catchin' a chill?
Maybe them tailors could whip you up
a cement sweater or--
Whoa!
[police siren wailing]
Cop.
Cops! Beat it, Scooter!
And you meet us back here tomorrow,
same time o'clock.
I'm here with the heroes who thwarted the criminals,
-Pete and-- -Yes, that's right.
P-E-T-E, as in Pete's Used Cars. Why--
How many of them were there?
Well, just a ballpark figure,
but I'd estimize there was a whole passel of them--
Fifty, maybe 75.
Wouldn't you say so, Goof?
Oh, I don't have much of a head for numbers.
I only counted up to two.
Two hundred, yeah, that's right.
And they all had guns, big guns,
almost as big as the swords they were swinging.
And, uh, a man-eating leopard.
Why, I had to strangle him with my own bare hands!
And yet you claim you can identify them all.
That's almost... Unbelievable.
Oh, Danielle, please. I'm blushing.
Ooh. The average used car salesman
would kill for publicity like this.
Well, you see, Danielle,
I'm blessed with total recollection,
what they call a photogeneric memory.
I could tell you what each of them had for lunch
just by the food stuck between their teeth.
Uh, dearly soon my dearly beloved competition,
Earl's Auto, is going to be a footnote
in the history of my brilliant career.
-[doorbell rings] -Get that, will you, Goof?
I don't want to miss the part where
-I sold Danielle the used sports car. -[door opens, closes]
Dutch Trecker, D.A.'S office.
All right. To my best buddy bud, signed Pete.
That'll be ten bucks.
The men you saw belonged
to one of the toughest, roughest, meanest, rudest gangs in all of Spoonerville.
Ooh! That's good. That's very good.
I'll have to put it in my newspaper ad.
They work for Larry "No Thumbs" Noodleman,
also known as Mr. Big,
Sometimes just called "Hey, you".
I can see the billboards now.
Me in a cape with a big "P" on my chest.
If I could beat those crooks,
I can sure beat the crooks at Earl's Auto! Ha ha!
That's a good slogan.
If you want a gangbuster of a deal,
see the guy who busted the gang of--
Oh, Larry the what-- who's--
also known as Mr-- What was his name again?
Mr. Big.
Is he any kin to that there feller
on the FBI's 10 most fearful criminals list?
One and the same.
We believe he's put contracts out
on both of you.
Contracts, huh? Hmm.
Pete, we better get us a good lawyer
to help us negotiate.
C-C-Contract?
But-- but I-- I didn't see a thing.
I wasn't even there! The Goof saw it all!
Me, see, I got, uh, astigmatitaramus in my left pupil area. Uh, watch this.
Quick! How many fingers am I holding up?
Uh, four? Ha! See? I wasn't even close!
I-- I can't see the hand in front of my face.
It was all me,
Honest Pete of Honest Pete's Used Cars,
who saved that poor soul from his unsightly demise.
I need you to sign these, authorizing me
to put you in our witness protection program.
Ah-hyuck! Is that some kind of new game show?
But I got unrefundable tickets
for a cruise leaving day after tomorry.
[Trecker] Two choices, mister.
You can run like a spineless, gutless worm,
or you can stay and testify against those ruthless thugs.
[groaning]
I'll send you a postcard.
If the mob doesn't find you first.
You remember what happened to Fast Eddie Gumsticker?
Uh, not off the top of my head, no. What?
He was taking his paycheck to the bank one fine day,
when a steam roller double parked on his sacroiliac.
[gulp, quivering]
Where do I s-sign?
I never thought I'd say this,
but, Pete, I'm proud of you.
This is the most unselfish thing you've ever done.
This may be the only unselfish thing.
Oh, you know me, Peg.
Always working for the greater good of inhumanity.
Ask not what Spoonerville can do for you,
et cetera and so forth, ad infinias.
That and the fact that I don't want any heavy machinery
mistaking my gorgeous torso for a parking zone.
[grunts]
Maybe it isn't a two-week cruise,
but at least I'll be footloose and Goofy-free.
[doorbell rings]
Wait! Don't answer it.
Ohh!
Mrs. Pete, lovely home you have.
Oh, ha ha. I bet you say that to all the witness' wives.
Yes, ma'am, I do.
I trust your husband is as prepared for the relocation
as his neighbour is.
Neighbour? W-Why, I was kind of hoping
you'd already relocated him already.
Let's see, uh, somewhere north of the Arctic Circle.
Negative.
Due to budget cutbacks,
you're all being moved together.
The department got a package deal.
[door opens]
Hiya, Pete!
Looks like we're gonna be roomies!
[groans]
[Goofy] Ah-hyuck! This is gonna be swell fun.
I brought some checkers and my string collection
and a game of frivolous pursuit
and over 3,000 slides
of my fishing trip to Death Valley.
Maybe I should have took my chances with Mr. Big.
Oh, Pete! Bye-bye! Kiss-kiss!
Love you! Miss you! So proud!
Here we go, boys. Your relocation residence.
Or, as we say in the trade, the safe house.
Hmm. I can't put my finger on it,
but this place looks familiar.
This-- This is right across the street from my house!
Budget cutbacks.
Don't worry, citizen.
We can be here in no time flat.
We're providing you with a state-of-the-art alarm system.
It's a whistle.
Cutbacks.
[Mr. Big] Find those two, and make 'em an offer
they won't be able to refuse.
[knuckles cracking]
[Goofy humming]
[Pete] Goof, if you're gonna hum,
hum to yourself.
[humming soflty]
[knuckles cracking]
Uh-ha-ha, if you don't mind, I'm tryin' to read.
Oh, sorry, Pete.
Didn't notice your lips movin'.
[groaning] "Sorry, Pete,
"I didn't notice your lips movin', he-hyuck".
[clipping]
What are you doin' now?
Pete, improper hygienic care
is the number one cause of un-grown toenails.
Have a seat.
Quit shovin', ya-- [grunts]
Let me show you how to properly clean these little fellers.
You know, if you take good care of your toes,
they'll last ya a lifetime.
No, no, no, Goof, no, don't-- don't--
Clip once, clip twice,
file her down nice.
Clip once, clip twice--
No! Stop it! Don't!
[screaming]
[snoring]
Oh, such a lovely sound.
Like a freight train full of bagpipes
fallin' off a cliff.
[snorting]
[snoring]
That tears it!
Let's go to sleep, ya Goof.
Huh? Everything OK, honey?
You're snoring so loud I can't hear myself think!
Oh, I can't always hear myself think.
See?
[chugging]
Ooh, I've took as much as I can take!
I'm goin' to the store for some idiot repellent.
Uh-oh. He forgot his wallet.
Wait up, Pete!
[panting] Pete! Hold on!
[muttering]
[alarm blaring]
Congratulations, gentlemen.
You're our one trillionth customers.
Both of you.
Ah-hyuck! Now aren't you glad I made us awake?
[clears throat] Maybe you haven't completely grasped
the concept of anonymity.
No, but you sure make it sound purty.
You've blown your cover.
You'll have to be relocated to a new relocation.
All right, now, don't blow this one.
We've had to lay off personnel to finance this operation.
Sure is nice us spendin' this quality time together huh, Pete?
Do you lay awake at night thinkin' up ways
to make me miserable?
Now, Pete, we can't discuss my sleeping habits
on company time.
Besides, you got a customer at one of your tables.
Garcon!
No. It can't be.
-Garcon! -Oh, Petey.
I think that guy is gettin' kind of un-patient.
I can't go over there, Goof. It's them.
It's them mobsters!
We'll hide in here 'til they're gone.
Get your foot outta my armpit, will ya?
[Goofy] Is this a bad time to mention that
I need to use the facilities?
[Pete grunting] Oh, I can't even move
on account of all these bags of c-c-c-cement.
[engine starts]
[car door opens, closes]
Maybe we oughta make a run for it, Pete.
-Wah-ho! Wah-ho! -[growling]
[panting]
[gasps] There's no way outta here.
If we only knew where they kept the disguises.
Maybe there's somethin' in here.
[man] Hey, you two!
Mr. Big wants to see ya.
It's time for those massages.
If we get out of this alive,
I'm gonna start lookin' at real estate in another time zone.
[man] Hey, let's get goin' already.
You guys have had more than enough time
to take care of those two.
Your yearly review is comin' up soon.
You wouldn't want to lose your health benefits, would ya?
Hey. You shoulda rubbed 'em out days ago.
[knuckles cracking]
I've heard that sound somewhere before.
-No! -Ooh!
Goof! Massage!
Ow! Hey! Easy on the cartilage!
Now, now, Helga knows what she's doing.
Hey! Ouch! Let me up!
Nope. You're not done yet.
-This will get you-- -Ow!
-[crunching] -[groaning]
You know what I ought to do to you guys?
Yeah, that's what I ought to do.
Say, you two aren't bad.
I could use a couple of tough characters like you in my organization.
[crash]
How would you like a big promotion?
Oh, would we get every other Tuesday off?
You start right now,
and your first job is rubbing out these cheeseballs.
[Pete clears throat]
I caught the Goofy-looking one.
Mein partner's bringing in the handsome guy.
Yeah, very good.
I'll just step outside und take care of this fella.
Now, you take that, you big stool pigeon!
-Und that! -[crashing]
Yeah, very good.
Oh, yeah. Uh, hey, uh,
I found this here feller.
Don't you worry none.
I'll show him what's what and who's who
and-- [groans]
Pardon us a moment.
-I'll give you one of these! -[crashing]
And one of this! And a couple of those!
and... that's-a for not washing behind your ears!
They're all tooken care of, M. Big sir.
Uh, yeah, good, good.
I'm gonna make you two my right-hand men...
And women.
I want you at my side night and day.
And now, to show you my appreciation,
why don't you take a half hour off?
Whoo.
Boy, we sure pulled a fast one on him, didn't we, Pete?
[stammering]
Ah-hyuck! He never saw it coming.
Fell for it like a ton of smoked salmon.
Ah-hyuck! He's dumber than I look.
-Skippy, Scooter-- -Run, you Goof!
[both screaming]
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Hey, we got 'em cornered, Scooter!
Pull, Goofster, pull!
[snarling]
-Gawrsh! Whoa! -Whoa!
[snarling]
-[chomps] -[cries out]
[both grunt]
[pants] Say, uh, thanks for the lift, pal.
Suppose you could take us down to the police station,
so's we can-- so's we can--
There's nobody driving, Goof!
Well, look at the bright side, Pete.
The chances of things getting any worse are downright nil.
[both screaming]
[both cry out]
Why, they're solidified, Goof.
[ticking]
Hey, Petey, if you hurry, you can still catch that cruise.
The cruise-- of course! The cruise!
[screeches]
Come on, Peg o' my heart, I'll tell you all about it
just as soon as we hit international waters.
Uh, Pete? Is that your ship sailing out of port?
Wait! Wait! Wait!
-[horn toots] Maybe you can still get your money back
on them nonrefundable tickets.
[sobbing]
Well, would you look at that?
Talk about a coinkydink.
It's a couple of more tailors.
I don't see anything. Not a thing.
I got as cruise to catch!
[splash]
I'm gonna play shuffleboard
and sit in the sun
and eat gobs of food, [gurgling]
and, oh, I'm gonna have a wonderful time!
♪ Gimme a beat ♪
[theme music playing]
Yeah!