Ah-hyuck!
♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪
♪ Like father, like son ♪
♪ You're always number one ♪
[both] Yes!
♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪
Yeah!
♪ You always seem to work things out ♪
♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪
♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪
Whoa!
♪ A real good time ♪
Aah!
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we'll always stick together ♪
♪ Always stick together ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪
♪ We're always ready to roll ♪
♪ Now gimme a beat ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we always stick together ♪
Gawrsh!
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪
♪ Come along and join the fun ♪
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪
Yeah!
[dog barking]
Easy, boys, easy, don't damage the merchandise!
I had to hock the wife's wedding ring
and empty out the kid's college fund
to pay for this stuff.
Phew! But I know it'll be worth every cent.
It's going to be you and me.
In a mere 21 hours, 73 minutes and 14 sec--
Hey, Dad, what's with all the boxes?
Boxes? What boxes?
Oh, oh, these boxes.
Yeah, well, it's, uh, pencils, son.
Yeah, pencils.
Always buy bulk, that's my motto.
Say, why don't you go upstairs?
I think your mom left her purse unattended again.
Wink, wink. Ha-ha. Go on.
[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it. -Oh, no you won't!
What I mean is, relax, plum cake.
You do too much as it is
now, you just go on back to regrouting the tile in the kitchen,
and let me get that big tough door for you.
Delivery to Mr Pete. Sign here, please.
Well, what do you know?
Did you hear that, hon?
Why, it's a delivery for me.
Whoa, check out that radar!
Is that a tank?
[laughs]
You kids are just imagining things.
Been watching too much TV.
Now run upstairs and watch some TV.
Pete, are you going duck hunting again?
Oh, no, no, no. Shh!
That's... a hood ornament!
What? You're not going hunting!
Are you, Dad?
Yeah, you're not really really gonna go hurt
cute little cuddly duckies like some kind of big
old blood-thirsty barbarian, are you, Daddy?
You are going hunting, aren't you?
Well, I... Not, not, not...
What I mean to say is...
Not in the traditional sense, um...
Define hunting.
Oh, the shame. I can't believe it.
My own father, a duck killer.
Now, hold on there.
What you children don't know is
hunting has a lot of very positive aspects.
Oh, this I have to hear.
Like, uh, like...
Don't you know that ducks have been known to cause plane crashes?
What about the great depression?
A duck did that!
Made a whole lot of bad investments.
And I bet you think a cow started the Chicago fire.
Not! It was Mrs O'Leary's duck.
And why'd the Roman Empire fall over?
Oh, yeah, duck problems for days back then.
Ducks! Ooh! They're not human.
Why, a man practically has a moral obligation to go hunting.
One day, you'll thank me for this.
Don't worry, your father's such a rotten hunter
he hasn't hit the broadside of anything
in the ten years he's been trying.
Yes, sir.
With this one 80mm high powered heat-seeking Cannon,
them ducks are gonna be dropping like...
Ducks!
Just as soon as I get this crate open.
[grunts]
Some assembly required?
By the time I get this put together,
ducks are going to be out of season!
What I'm gonna need here is some help.
Can't ask Peg.
She hasn't picked up a gun since the wedding.
The kids? They'd only cause trouble.
I need somebody who doesn't fully understand
the concept of hunting,
somebody like--
[Goofy howling]
Well, if it ain't the Goof what laid the golden egg.
Like they say,
a bird in the hand is worth two in the buke.
Ah-hyuck!
Will wonders never cease?
I didn't know we had so much in common, Goofer.
Ah-hyuck!
Ah-hyuck, that's probably 'cause we don't have much in common, Petey.
Well, sure we do.
Like take for instance birds.
Birds?
I never knew you liked birds, Pete.
Why, I love 'em.
Especially when they're stuffed and sitting on my mantle.
How is it that you do that amazing bird holler, Goof?
Oh, you mean like...
[hollers]
[birds whistling]
Yes.
I bet it works on ducks, too, huh?
Yeah, even got a bird of paradise once.
Ain't you something?
You know, I'm heading out tomorrow to do some bird watching.
Duck-type birds.
You don't say?
I already did say.
Why, I've got my eye on bagging
me one or two or three dozen.
Hmm, bird-bagging, huh?
Is that anything like grocery bagging?
Um, no.
It's... actually, it's kind of like a game you play with them.
-Yeah. -Ah-hyuck! Sounds fun!
Yeah, but I hardly ever get to go on account of
because it takes two to play.
Only wish I had a pal to go along who likes birdies, too.
Like birds, huh?
Somebody who loves bird watching.
Gonna be hard to find a guy with them kind of qualifications.
A real bird fancier.
You know, someone who's got a brain like a bird?
A grade-a bird brain?
Oh... how about Fred?
Who's Fred?
I don't know.
Back to thinking.
Ah-hyuck! I got it, Petey! How about me?
Why, Goofster!
I do believe you fit the bill.
Duck bill, that is. Ha!
[ducks quacking]
...connect toggle bolt I before lugnut E except after washer C.
Or when o-ring A...
Goof! Where are ya?
I'm still missing some pieces on this gu--
this gu... great new bird photographing camera
I got, yeah.
Ah-hyuck! I bet a fancy camera like this takes awful good pictures.
Can I shoot one?
No, it's not loaded!
With film, that is.
Why don't you go start warming up them bird calling voice cords?
Oh, okie-dokie, Pete.
[clears throat]
[coughs]
[hollers]
[ducks quacking]
Yes...
Keep calling, Goof! Keep calling!
Get 'em back here, get 'em back!
[hollers]
Come on, now, let me see,
the trigger-arm's connected to the elbow joint,
the elbow joint connects to the...
[ducks quacking]
[gasps]
[cackles]
Say cheese!
I guess there was some more assembling required.
[laughing]
Bravo!
Hip, hop, and away!
[laughs]
Oh, oh!
[choking]
[gasping]
Oh, no!
What is it?
I... I did it?
I bagged a duck?
Ha hoo! I did it!
I did it! I bagged a duck! I bagged a duck!
Gawrsh, Petey.
You mean you meant to hurt the little guy?
Well, of course, I meant to!
When you go duck hunting, you hunt ducks!
[laughs]
I guess I didn't... [sniffles]
understand, Pete.
[cries]
Well, what did you think I was gonna do, ya Goof?
Take him out for dinner and a movie?
[crying]
Gawrsh, Pete, it's a little mama ducky.
Oh, mama.
And the little baby duckies!
[weeping]
What's gonna happen to 'em now...
That their daddy ducky's erased from the blackboard of life?
Whose gonna feed 'em and care for 'em?
How are they gonna get by?
The bank'll probably foreclose on 'em.
They'll lose the car, the house, everything!
I can barely stand it!
[sobbing]
Goof, they're ducks.
And they're all alone!
Out here in the cold, cruel world with
nobody to watch over 'em.
[weeping]
Oh, now look, Goof, this happens all the time.
It's not like he's the first duck to get sent to the taxi- dermi-tologist.
Here you go, Pete.
I mean, it's not like I did something wrong.
Ah!
Then again, I... I'm having, uh...
I guess I could, that is... they could...
Aw, the poor little duckies can come stay with me!
[dog barking]
[Pete] And see, when I saw them cute little ducks living out there
in the lap of mother nature,
I said, to myself, I said...
I said, Pete, you're not touching one feather
on them duck's precious heads.
And then, that's when all of a sudden,
my gun accidentally just so happens
to hit this duck. It was an accident.
Oh, I would've given anything if only it could have been me,
you know, it was, it was involuntary duck slaughter at worst.
What with it being an accidental accident and all.
Oh! How am I ever going to face my friends!
We'll have to move somewhere far, far away.
But sooner or later someone will recognize us
and we'll have to move again on and on forever.
It always works that way.
Oh, but, but, but kids,
I'm a changed man.
Honest. Why, I even offered to let them stay here
for a while.
Til they get back on their little webby feet.
You see, the mama duck and her three little babies.
Or was it four little... Five... little babies?
These ducks are like rabbits.
[screaming on TV]
[changing channels]
[ducks quacking on TV]
OK, you little tikes.
Ice cream for everybody!
There's one for you.
Now don't eat with your wings, ha!
One for you, I'll send you the bill later.
And you, and you, and...
I thought there were only five of you.
One, two, three, four, five, six!
Oh, all right, all right, one more ice cream, coming up!
Hiya, Pete.
Say, I thought there was only...
[Peg] Pete, could you come here for just one minute?
[quacking]
Could somebody tell me where all these ducks are coming from?
[duck talking]
Just hold it right there.
The deal was I take care of you and the kids.
Nobody said anything about relatives!
Pete! Now look what you did!
They are family, Petey.
And you did say you'd take care of them.
[grumbling]
All right, all right, all right.
[ducks clamoring]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is it?
[duck talking]
Ooh, another lemonade, sir?
Sure, anybody else want one while I'm at it?
[quacking]
Sheesh.
D'oh!
[duck shouting]
What's keeping you, Pete?
You promised you'd give this little guy a backrub 15 minutes ago.
Oh, I only got two hands!
And I'm using about three of 'em.
So he's just gonna have to be patient, wait his--
[Pistol] Daddy!
They're playing with my toys!
Look, Pumpkin, Daddy's got a little problem,
so why don't you just go out and buy yourself some new toys?
I guess you haven't seen the price of toys lately.
Thanks, Daddy. Love ya.
Now look here, you--
[P.J.] Dad!
Oh. What's the matter now?
Well, they've been in there over an hour.
The tubs got an awful ring on it,
and all the hot water's gone, they used up the bubble bath.
-Forget about it, skip your bath. -Yes!
[Peg screams]
Pete!
[ducks quacking]
Uh, excuse me, ducks? Pardon me, excuse me.
Pardon me. Quiet!
Dimple cheeks, may we have a little talk with you?
Uh, what seems to be the problem, peach pit?
We, the children and I, have grown just a little bit tired
of living in a bird sanctuary.
Oh, now, they haven't been that big of a bother.
They've turned our beautiful home
into a cuckoo's nest!
Pete, you better have this talk later.
It's time for you to read the ducks their story,
and you know how they don't like to be kept waiting.
We'll be staying in a motel until this is over.
Oh, but Peggums, you can't leave me!
Please?
[Duck] Food fight!
I've lost my wife, I lost my kids,
and now I'm gonna lose my marbles!
What am I gonna do, Goof?
What am I gonna do?
Well, for one thing...
Yes? Yes? Yes?
You're going to have to go up and read the duckies their story.
And you'll need to stock up on more of them low-salt cheesy doodle-os.
Ah-hyuck! They're the duck's favorite, you know?
[sighs]
Then the papa duck said to the mama duck--
Show 'em the picture, Petey!
Yeah, yeah, papa duck, mama duck, bunch of feathers.
Usual, nothing special.
So, papa says to mama, whose been...
Oh, yes, please. Won't you join us?
Oh, it's all right, we'll wait.
[belches]
Maybe you ought to start back at the front for him.
I'm not gonna read this crummy story again
for one lousy duck!
Oh, but he missed the best parts,
and there's nobody else to read it to him,
since his daddy duck got... You know.
[grumbles]
Once upon a ti--
Say, you look familiar.
Who, me?
Don't I know you from some place?
Uh-uh, no way. Uh-uh.
I never forget a beak.
Where was I?
Once upon a time...
-You sure we never met? -Sorry.
Pete, the story?
Huh? Oh, yeah. Well, anyway,
there was these three ducks, there was a papa duck...
[snoring]
And they lived happily ever after, et cetera, et cetera.
Oh, I guess they are kind of cute little fellas.
For pests.
Maybe ducks aren't as bad as all that.
Even a duck like... you?
You? It's you?!
Uh-oh.
You're not dead!
[snores]
No, Pete, just dozed off.
Not you. Look at this, would ya?
Look at this, this...
This... where'd he go? Where'd he go?
He was there a second ago. Him, that duck I shot!
Healthy as healthy can be!
Now, Petey, you're not trying to back out on helping these ducks, are ya?
No, that's the duck!
I tell ya, he's the one!
A promise is a promise, and you sort of almost promised.
But... but I saw him!
I did! I...
All right, you got me.
What is it you want?
Every duck has his price, now name yours.
What, a new duck pond?
Membership to a health club? VCR? Cable TV?
Money?
Cards?
Uh-huh.
Hmm, if I win, you leave?
OK.
And if you win...
How's about a lovely down filled jacket?
Nope.
Then what about a deluxe kettle barbecue with gas starter?
Nope.
-10% off on a nice used car? -Nope.
My favorite roll of flotz?
My collection of potatoes shaped like celebrities heads?
A ball of aluminum foil?
A picture of me in a bathing suit?
Well, then, what is it you want?
You want everything?
Bingo.
Hmm.
Awful high stakes, but then beating ducks at cards
ought to be a cinch.
You got yourself a deal.
OK, boys, you know the game.
Seven card Texas hold 'em
with two in the hand, three in the freezer.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
[snickering]
Yes, one full house means I get rid of one full house.
Of ducks. Heh, heh, heh.
Ha, read 'em and weep, feather lips.
Now, how's about you and your friends start packing?
If you hurry, you might catch the tail-end of duck season.
[laughs]
Not so fast.
Seven aces, Pete.
Looks like he wins.
I guess that's that.
A deal's a deal, and I lost.
There's nothing left to do except...
Hit the road.
Hello.
Why didn't I think of this sooner?
[ducks shouting]
Huh?
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
What are you doing here?
I thought you fellas would be down south for the winter?
Left all your presents in Miami beach.
No, that's not far enough.
I meant to say down Argentiny way.
Just south of Rio De January.
Hmm...
[ducks clamoring]
Quiet.
Quiet!
[crying]
OK, OK, OK!
Come on.
Hate to see you go!
Drop by next year, have a nice flight.
Ho, ho, ho.
Well, I hope you've learned a lesson from all of this, Pete.
Oh, I have, Snookums, I have.
Next time, I'm using a bigger gun.
[doorbell rings]
What do you want?
Well, Pete, now that duck season's over,
I figured you wouldn't mind watching a few friends of mine.
Just 'til moose season's over.
In six months.
[insane laughter]
♪ Gimme a beat ♪
[theme music playing]
Yeah!