Ah-hyuck!
♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪
♪ Like father, like son ♪
♪ You're always number one ♪
[both] Yes!
♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪
Yeah!
♪ You always seem to work things out ♪
♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪
♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪
Whoa!
♪ A real good time ♪
Aah!
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we'll always stick together ♪
♪ Always stick together ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪
♪ We're always ready to roll ♪
♪ Now gimme a beat ♪
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ And we always stick together ♪
Gawrsh!
♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪
♪ The best of friends forever ♪
♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪
♪ Come along and join the fun ♪
♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪
♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪
Yeah!
[Bob] Charge, men! We got them on the run!
[P.J.] Look out, Max!
[Max] Retreat!
[rooster crows]
[objects clattering]
[snoring]
You see him?
[panting] Nah. We lost him.
[meow]
[whimpers]
[Max] He'll never find us here.
Surprise!
[both] Ambush!
Retreat!
Cool your jets, Peej.
Max, we've gotta regroup!
No, we don't.
We got him where we want him.
We got-- Oh, yeah.
Come on out, general.
We gotcha cold.
[scoffs] Guess he's gonna go down with the garbage, huh?
Eh! The military mind is a mystery to me.
You ready?
I'm ready.
Aha! Gotcha, general!
Don't move, Uncle Bob!
[yelping]
That's-- that's impossible.
[P.J.] How'd he do that?
Ha ha! Surprise is my middle name!
Come on, Peejster!
We have not yet begun to squirt.
[man on TV] This 4th of July, come on down.
Get a super deal on a patriotic RV from me, Earl Yokel.
[munching] Earl Yokel? Yokel Earl, you mean.
You can't get a better deal in Spoonerville,
especially from a certain RV pirate
whose initial is "p" as in porky.
What?
"P"?
Why, that's me!
Who you calling porky, bird face?
And if he's watching
and can stop chewing long enough to listen,
I challenge him to outsell me,
Earl "Uncle Sam" Yokel,
during my 4th of July red, white, and blue tag sale.
[woman] I want one!
[people chattering] What a great deal!
This means war!
I've gotta develop a gimmick
to outsell that loudmouth.
First I'll figure out a way
to get the air out of his tires.
[P.J.] Move it, Max!
[Max] Right behind you, bud.
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
Uncle Bob's teaching us commando tactics.
The guy's amazing. He could be anywhere!
That old blowhard?
Why, he couldn't commando my big toe!
[blows raspberry]
It's him.
Let 'em have it!
Let who have what?
Don't move, general.
I gotcha, Uncle Bob.
Hold on just a second there.
It ain't over till it's over, rookies!
Stop it!
He who squirts and runs away
lives to squirt another day.
After him!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
When I get my hands on those kids--
I'm gonna-- Uh?
Where do we think we're going?
Why, pumpkin nut, we-- I mean, you--
I was just--
Redecorating to surprise Mommy?
[Pete] Uh, well, not exactly, sardine lips,
see, I was just--
You really want to surprise Mommy,
you'll clean up, now!
But, Pegster, I didn't do it.
It was your uncle--
Easy. That's my favorite ear.
You just leave my sweet uncle Bob alone!
It isn't easy for Brigadier General Robert E. Lee Sparrowhawk to retire.
He's acting a little strange 'cause he's feeling useless.
But he has a good heart.
It's his head I'm worried about.
Did you say something?
I was just saying he wasn't alone
because P.J. and young goof--
Yes. The kids just love him, don't they?
Don't forget to dust my knickknacks.
But-- But I got work to do.
Earl Yokel's commercials are killing my business.
I'll have to go to war.
Why, Pete, my little hot-glue gun,
that's so thoughtful of you.
It... is?
Uncle Bob will be a big help
planning your ad campaign with you.
Uncle Bob? Helping me sell RVs?
It isn't like you to have such a good idea. [laughs]
I can't wait to tell Uncle Bob.
Uh, let me tell him, Peg!
I, uh, I wanna see his face light up with joy.
Why, of course, Pete.
Never mind cleaning up.
Oh! I'm so excited about this!
Long as that pinhead uncle of hers is around,
I'm not going to get anything done.
How do you get rid of a guy
who only takes orders from the US Army?
Yeah! That's it! Orders from the army.
[Goofy] Hmm. Let's see here.
Instructions in Spanish, German,
French, Dutch, Italian...
Ah! Here we go!
Instructions in English!
[chuckles] These oughta do it.
[narrator] Plumbing in the home.
Chapter one-- the kitchen sink.
Nothing is easier than disconnecting the kitchen sink
for its annual cleaning and inspection.
I love this stuff!
First, select your pipe wrench.
I said pipe wrench!
[Goofy] Oh! Silly ol' me!
[narrator] Now unscrew the p-trapfrom the tail piece
while untwisting the y-joint
playing tea for two
on the left-hand threaded elbow.
[Goofy laughs] This is a cinch. Uh-oh.
But whatever you do,
don't forget to shut off the water!
[screaming]
Gosh, General Sparrowhawk,
you're really something.
Thank you, Max.
Call me Bob.
And you're right. I really am something.
Man, I don't know why the army let you retire.
Yeah! What a waste!
You're awesome!
The way I figure it,
I'm being held in reserve
for something really special.
I must be.
Get away from me!
Am-scray! Beat it!
I stand still for a second,
and those vultures are all over me.
I can't stand it!
Now where was I?
Tellin' us why the army was savin' you. for something special.
I'll tell you why, son.
Because in all my years in the military,
nothing and nobody has ever taken me by surprise.
Wow! Nobody's ever surprised you?
Never.
The man who finally does, if he exists,
is gonna have to be someone very special.
[Goofy screaming]
Sorry, officer. I shoulda watched
which way I was being blasted.
Don't apologize, man!
You were incredible.
I never thought I'd see the day
I'd have my socks knocked off like that.
It was thrilling.
You and I are gonna be buddies.
But first, I have to get out of this soggy uniform.
I hate wet underwear.
Who was that guy?
My uncle!
Brigadier General Robert E. Lee Sparrowhawk,
retired.
I can believe it.
I'm purty pooped myself.
[whistles]
Halt! Who goes there?
Who in camouflage's name are you?
[Pete] Don't you recognize military intelligence
when you see it?
If I could do that,
I'd be a genius, not a general.
What do you want?
I have a message for you from them.
Wait a minute! What's the password?
Uh, them didn't tell it to me.
It was too secret.
Exactly. They wouldn't tell it to me, either.
I love tight security.
Now what's the message?
[Pete] There's gonna be a national emergency.
They need you to handle it.
I knew they were saving me for something special!
I just knew it. Didn't you?
What kind of emergency we talking about here?
They say you'll know it when you see it.
Of course I will. I'm a trained soldier, you know?
You'll have to organize a base far from me-- I mean, here.
What about extra troops?
Use your own judgment.
Wonderful! My very own judgment.
I've discovered just the man I need
right here-- a natural soldier,
gave me the thrill of a lifetime.
[Pete] Ain't that somethin'?
You can count on Brigadier General Bob Sparrowhawk.
Roger, Wilco, and KP!
Now that general moonbeam is out of my face,
I got a sales campaign to plan.
Generals aren't the only ones
who know how to stratify.
Wait! Just a second, though, here.
Fourth of July, generals, campaigns.
I got it! Wait till that 4th of July jerk Earl Yokel sees
what he's up against now!
[laughs menacingly]
[Goofy] Doesn't look quite right somehow.
Maybe I misread the instructions. [sighs]
They're all Greek to me, even the ones in English.
[chuckles] Sure could use a hand with these.
[Bob] Psst! Hey, you! Soldier!
Gawrsh!
Not quite what I had in mind.
No! No! Down here!
Oh, hiya, general.
You lost or something?
Whoa!
[Bob] Are we alone?
[Goofy] I can't tell, general.
It's too dark to see. Hey! [mumbling]
[screaming]
[sighs]
Private Goofy?
Ah-hyuck! That's me.
Uncle Bob wants you.
This could be the moment you'll look back on with pride for the rest of your life.
What have you got to say?
[Goofy] I think I forgot to turn the water off again.
[screams]
[Pete] I was there.
When Neanderthal man first traded a stone wheel
for a pork chop,
I was there.
When the first RV salesman
sold a covered wagon with a leaky top
and no warranty,
I was there.
And when Earl Yokel learns the hard way
what a 4th of July RV sale is all about--
ha ha ha--
I'll be there, too.
Now all I need is my tank.
Nothin' like a little patriotism
and an 88-millimetre cannon to promote RV sales.
Nice of ya to bring the boys.
I always say, give me a man when he's a boy,
and when he's an old codger,
the teenager will not forget the youth when he isn't an infant anymore.
Wow, if I'd said that, my tongue would be numbly.
Exactly where are we goin'?
Yeah, and what are we gonna do?
I can't tell you that now. Suffice to say the world will be a better place
when we're through.
Radical!
We're gonna hug trees.
Cool!
[Bob] Here we are!
[tires screech]
Welcome to the Spoonerville County Militia Armory
and surplus depot.
[Max/P.J.] Awesome!
I have the honor and privilege of preparin' you
for the oncoming emergency.
Wow! An emergency!
Right on!
Yeah. Ah-hyuck!
Exactly what kind of emergency
are we talking about again?
Don't you worry about that.
I'll know it when I see it. I'm a trained soldier.
I can't wait to see him in action.
And us in action, dude!
[both] Yeah!
The first thing you have to learn is the basics
from the army manual,
then we'll move on to advanced training.
[narrator] Yes, it's true!
You're in the army now!
[chuckles] There's that voice again.
Chapter one-- the obstacle course.
Military efficiency is based
on rigorous physical training.
Overcoming physical challenges takes speed,
strength, and stamina.
Of course, looking where you're going helps, too.
Only the finely-tuned body can bring to bear
that oh, so important quality of agility!
The long-awaited opportunity
for our citizen soldier to bring all his effort
to bear on the accomplishment of one mighty quest,
surging spectacularly to the heights
of athletic prowess,
which are utterly useless
if the equipment hadn't been properly checked beforehand.
[Goofy screaming]
[narrator] Balance is another attribute
demanded of military service.
One never knows
when a tiny, seemingly insignificant misstep
could send a soldier catapulting to his doom.
Too heavy [grunts]
Successful balance requires nerves of steel,
catlike reflexes,
and a stern resolution
never, ever to be caught off-guard.
[Goofy screaming]
[Pete] Oh, baby, come to Papa.
A super V-8 with glass packs,
double-charged carbs, 24-valve mean machine.
You're gonna be fun during rush hour.
And to think this honey is obsolete.
It's you and me, sweetie.
Nothin' and nobody's stopping me
from making you a star
and selling a lot of RVs.
[Goofy screaming]
Hiya, Petey.
Ah-hyuck! Nice catch.
Goof, what in the name of olive drab undies
are you doin' here?
[Bob] He's very good at surprisin' people.
But the question is,
what are you doin' here, nephew?
Pete, why are you hanging around here dressed
like a boy scout with delusions of grandeur?
'Cause I need a tank for my sales campaign!
A likely story. Why should I believe it?
Because, Captain Kidd,
you've believed everything else I've told you.
What's your dad talking about?
I'm his kid, not his interpreter.
Well, I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
Peg wanted me to make General Over-the-hill here feel useful,
and it was driving me nutso!
Not as long a drive as you might suppose.
So I convinced old red, white, and blue-blood
he was needed elsewhere.
He thought I was from military intelligence.
Now that's a pretty scary concept.
You mean there's no emergency?
You were the emergency, pal.
And I solved you.
Should have known you'd end up here
with all the other obsolete hardware.
Oh, sure. Where else can an old soldier go
when an RV salesman makes him look like an idiot?
-[Max] General, wait up! -[Pete] Uncle Bob!
Kinda tough on the old guy, weren't you, Petey?
He knows I was only funnin' him.
Old warhorses are experts on foolin' around.
Oh, I don't know, Petey.
Never mind him, Goofster.
Let's see if we can get this tank started.
Talk to him.
Why don't you talk to him?
He's your uncle, bonehead.
Oh, yeah.
[stutters] Hi, Uncle Bob.
Oh, boy! Brilliant!
Wish I'd said that.
Don't be so hard on him, Max.
Nothing anyone can say can make the truth a lie.
But you are a great soldier, aren't you, Uncle Bob?
I guess I'm never gonna get the chance to find out.
When are you gonna open this banner?
[Pete] All in good time.
First I gotta get this mama runnin'.
But the manual says you gotta twist the doohickey--
I don't need any blankety-blank manual!
[engine starts]
What'd I tell you?
Now it says you gotta be careful driving this thing.
Oh, button up. A used-car salesman can drive anything with wheels on it.
But, Petey, a tank hasn't got wheels.
[Pete] Quiet, you goof!
Can't you see I'm tryin' to steer?
Petey! Stop! Help!
I would if I could, but I can't!
Whoa!
Look out, Petey!
Whoa!
[Goofy] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Gawrsh! I'm lucky this tower was here.
-[cracking] -Oopsie.
What is goin' on around here?
I don't know what's goin' on,
but I know what's comin' down.
Whoa, big feet!
Fall back!
Pop, are you OK?
Sure. The ground broke my fall.
You broke the tower, too.
What is goin' on around here, Goof?
[engine roar]
That is.
[Pete] Help!
Pete's havin' a little trouble with his tank.
That machine's a killer
if you don't know what you're doing.
You gotta do something!
You're the only one who can save him!
You kids call Peg and get home!
Goofy and I have a job to do.
Wow, P.J.! Your uncle's even braver than I thought.
[Pete screaming]
Help!
[Goofy] Hang on, Petey boy.
We're comin'!
Faster, Goofy! Faster!
Whatever you do,
watch out for the potholes!
Right! [gasps]
Found one! Ah-hyuck!
Whoa!
[shouting]
I hate this like the dickens.
Uh-oh.
You're a general.
Order this thing to stop!
Hmm.
Steering's jammed.
Brakes burned out.
I know that! I know that!
So we simply turn off the engine.
Oh, yeah. The engine. I knew that.
[all] Whoa!
So what does the manual say now, Mr. Brass hat?
The manual doesn't cover this particular situation.
I shoulda known.
But a trained soldier knows exactly what to do.
No. No. You'll smoosh us!
Hold it, Pete.
Uncle Bob knows what he's doing.
[all shouting]
This little dollar went to market.
This little dollar stayed home.
[man] Look! Up in the sky!
[man 2] It's a bird!
[man 3] It's a plane!
[man 4] It's Porky Pete. He's flyin' a tank!
[man 5] I want an RV from that guy.
Wait! Don't go! We can make a deal. Hey!
[whining]
Nice shot, Uncle Bob.
Piece of cake for a trained soldier.
"Nice shot, Uncle Bob." Nice shot?
Not only did he almost kill us,
he wrecked my business.
Pete! Pete! Pete!
[crowd chanting] Pete! Pete! Pete!
Pete! Pete! Pete!
Looks to me
like the general's not only saved you,
he's saved your business.
Huh?
Uh, general, what can I say?
Just call me Uncle Bob.
You were right, Goof! This guy really sells.
Well, you know what they say:
"Old soldiers never buy,
but they sure can trade away." Ah-hyuck!
♪ Gimme a beat ♪
Yeah!