AH-HYUCK!
♪ H-H-H-HIT IT ♪
♪ LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON ♪
- ♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS NUMBER ONE ♪ - YES!
♪ THERE'S BUDDIES, THERE'S PALS ♪
- ♪ YEAH ♪ - ♪ YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO WORK THINGS OUT ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE TWO OF A KIND ♪
♪ LOOKIN' FOR A REAL GOOD TIME? ♪
- ♪ A REAL GOOD TIME ♪ - AAH!
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE'LL ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ SIDE BY SIDE WHEREVER WE GO ♪
♪ WE'RE ALWAYS READY TO ROLL ♪
- ♪ NOW GIMME A BEAT ♪ - ♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
- GAWRSH! - ♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ NOW WE'RE CALLING EVERYONE ♪
♪ COME ALONG AND JOIN THE FUN ♪
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ LA DO BE DA BOP LA BA DO BOP ♪
YEAH!
PHEW! NOTHIN' LIKE A NICE, COLD SODIE-POP
IN A BIG GLASS OF ICE.
WHOAAAAH!
COME TO DADDY.
GOTCHA! NOW FOR SOME ICY CUBES.
BETTER BE CAREFUL.
[GRUNTS]
[STRAINING]
PHEW!
[CLATTERING]
GAWRSH!
HUH? EMPTY?
MAX!
ONCE AGAIN, INCHES AWAY FROM A CLEAN GETAWAY.
MAX, DID YOU PUT THESE ICE TRAYS IN THE FREEZER EMPTY?
EMPTY? THEY'RE NOT EMPTY.
ERRRGGGH!
SEE?
COME WITH ME, MAXIE.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, DAD? IT'S ONLY ICE.
MAX, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE
YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES MORE SERIOUSLY,
EVEN THE ITSY-BITSY ONES.
IT'S ALL HERE IN THE FAMILY ALBUM.
OHH! THE ALBUM! WAIT, POP!
SERIOUSLY! I'M NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE.
OH, IT'S NO TROUBLE, SON.
- NOW, JUST HAVE A SEAT, MAXIE. - SWELL.
HERE'S YOUR GREAT-UNCLE ELIOT GOOF,
THE GREATEST CRIME BUSTER OF THE EARLY 20TH CENTURY.
WHO'S THIS?
EVEN AS A CHILD, ELIOT GOOF SAW HIMSELF AS A BLAZING BEACON OF JUSTICE.
[HORN HONKS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
UNFORTUNATELY, EVERYONE ELSE
SAW HIM AS A DIM BULB.
YOU CAN CROSS NOW.
HA HA! NO WAY.
I WANNA LIVE TO BE 6.
UH, KEEP MOVIN'.
HEY, COPPER.
WHAT'S SHAKIN'? HA HA!
UH, NOTHIN'.
- CHECK AGAIN, OFFICER. - HA HA HA!
[GASP]
THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW
AGAINST TROUBLEMAKERS LIKE YOU.
[CRIES OUT]
- [LAUGHING] - [SHOUTING]
[STRAINING]
WHAT A GOOF.
WAIT! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
SOMEBODY, HELP!
THOUGH HIS PRIDE WAS BRUISED,
ELIOT GOOF FELT A RESPONSIBILITY
TO PROMOTE SAFETY AND JUSTICE
THAT COULD SURVIVE PUNCTURE WOUNDS AND TOTAL HUMILIATION.
UH, YEAH. RIGHT, DAD.
BE MORE RESPONSIBLE. I GOT IT. SEE YA!
- HOLD IT! - WHOA!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS THE GOOD STUFF.
SWELL.
CHICAGO, 1929--
A CITY SWELTERS IN A PLAGUE OF UNCHECKED CRIME.
HUH?
SADLY, OUR HERO ELIOT GOOF
CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AS BINGO REFEREE.
[BALLS CLATTERING]
B-52.
ELIOT GOOF REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR.
UH, SORRY, GOOF.
THE POSITION'S BEEN FILLED.
BUT, HEY, MAYBE YOU COULD GET SOME ICE
FOR THIS LUKEWARM SODA.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A JOB AFTER ALL.
THE ICEMAN COMETH!
AH-HYUCK!
[WHISPERING]
DRIVE SAFELY! AH-HYUCK!
[ELIOT GOOF] GAWRSH.
PARDON ME. DID YOU SEE SOME BANK ROBBERS DRIVE THROUGH HERE?
NOPE, ALL I'VE SEEN IS A COUPLE OF MASKED MEN WITH PILES OF MONEYBAGS
WANTING TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
WELL, THANKS ANYWAY.
[NEIGH]
THE WILLINGNESS TO SERVE
WAS NEVER FAR FROM GOOF'S HEART,
BUT WAS ALWAYS WAY TOO FAR FROM HIS BRAIN.
MEANWHILE, THE CITY WAS IN THE TIGHT GRIPS
OF A POWERFUL ORGANIZED CRIME RING LED BY FRANK NUTTI,
WHO WAS ONCE LED BY DEREK THE DWARF
UNTIL HE WAS FILLED WITH LEAD BY PEG DOLL,
WHO IS NOW THE BRAINS OF THE OPERATION.
HA! I WILL NEVER TELL.
[GENERATOR POWERS DOWN]
- [LEVER CLACKS] - SPILL THE COLA BEANS, FRENCHY.
NO, NO, AND NO.
I WANT THE RECIPE TOUT DE SUITE.
[GASPS] FIRST WE MEASURE 2 LITERS PHOSPHORIC ACID.
BRING TO A BOIL WITH SEVERAL POUNDS OF SUGAR.
ADD POTASSIUM BENZOATE, GLYCERIN-BAKED COCA LEAVES.
CARBONATE TO ARTIFICIAL PERFECTION. VOILA!
C'EST CREME COLA DE CALAMITE. MAGNIFIQUE!
[SIGHS]
MERCI, HENRI! LET'S GO, DOLL.
- OOH! THAT'S MY KIND O' WOMAN. - COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
STATE YOUR NAME AND OCCUPATION!
THE NAME'S FRANK NUTTI.
OCCUPATION... NICE GUY.
FRANK NUTTI? MEN, RETREAT!
IN THIS TOWN, NOBODY STOOD IN FRANK NUTTI'S WAY,
LEAST OF ALL, THE POLICE.
CITY HALL-- WHERE JUSTICE LIVES
AS THE CHANCE BY-PRODUCT OF POLITICS.
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
MOBSTERS GET AWAY WITH MURDER AS MAYOR TWIDDLES THUMBS!
HOW'S THE RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN GOING, MAYOR?
HMM. CUTE KID.
HERE. CATCH.
- [CRIES OUT] - [CRASHING]
AH, THE MIRACLE OF YOUTH.
I'LL NEVER BE RE-ELECTED AT THIS RATE.
- GIVE ME THE FBI. - [PHONE RINGS]
FBI.
CHICAGO MAYOR BABA HERE.
I NEED A MAN TO CLEAN UP THIS TOWN.
- IT'S FOR YOU. - NO WAY, JOSE.
- IT'S FOR YOU. - UH-UH.
- NO WAY, JOSE. YOU TOUCH IT. - IT'S FOR YOU.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
IT'S FOR YOU, FESTER.
YEAH. FESTER HERE--
WHOOOOAAAAAAHHHH!
GODFREY!
AHEM. AGENT FESTER NESS
AT YOUR SERVICE, MR. MAYOR.
OH, YOU BOYS DON'T WASTE TIME.
NO, SIR. WE WASTE MONEY.
YOUR MISSION, SON,
IS TO PUT FRANK NUTTI BEHIND BARS.
HA HA HA! FRANK NUTTI?
HA HA HA! THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
HIS LATEST PERFIDIOUS DERRING-DO
IS SELLING COUNTERFEIT CALAMITY CREAM COLA.
[GULP]
F-FRANK N-NUTTI?
- GRRRRRR! - AAH!
I SUGGEST YOU GET A PARTNER OR GO UNDERCOVER.
HE'S A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK.
GRRRRRR!
ANY QUESTIONS?
AAAAAGH!
I LIKE THE BOY'S ENTHUSIASM.
[BEEPING]
GODFREY DANIELS, I'VE BEEN BUGGED.
SO, THE MAYOR PUT THE FBI ON US.
WE'LL JUST FIND SOMEONE TO ICE THIS FESTER NESS.
[COUGHING]
THIS STUFF TASTES HORRIBLE!
NO.
NO!
NOT THAT! NOT THAT!
[BLOWS LANDING]
EWW.
[SNIFFING]
GET! SCRAM, YOU!
♪♪ [HUMMING TUNE]
[YAPPING]
HEY, THERE, LITTLE FELLA.
WANT A PIECE OF ICE?
[SNARLING]
GAWRSH, A SODIE-POP FACTORY.
TOPEKA! AH-HYUCK! I'M IN BUSINESS.
WHY, THEY'LL BE THRILLED I DROPPED BY.
OH! AAH! OH! AAH! OH!
IT'S A RAID!
- WHOOPSIE! - SAY YOUR PRAYERS, G-MAN.
- [GUNFIRE] - [LAUGHING]
GET SOME OF THIS! [LAUGHING]
NO! WAIT! DON'T TOUCH THAT SWITCH!
YOU MEAN THIS ONE?
WHOA!
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HE SURE PUT THE CRUNCH ON THE KING PIN.
WHOA!
I'LL JUST BE ON MY WAY NOW.
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
[GULP]
WHO ARE YOU?
UH, I'M THE ICEMAN.
A PROFESSIONAL ICEMAN?
HE'S NO AMATEUR.
WHY, SURE. I'LL ICE ANYBODY ANYTIME.
WHAT'RE YA DOIN' HERE?
THOUGHT I COULD DRUM UP SOME BUSINESS.
ICE, ICE, BABY...
I'D LIKE YOU TAKE CARE OF SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.
ABSOLUTELY.
THERE'S FINGERS GILLESPIE,
TRICK KNEE TUCKER, FACE CAST FREDDY--
COOL IT, BABYCAKES! WE NEED YOU
TO ICE FBI MAN FESTER NESS.
WILL THAT BE CUBED OR CRUSHED?
CRUSHED.
[GULP]
I GOTTA HIDE!
GREAT STORY, POP!
WE'VE GOT A HIT MAN IN THE FAMILY!
I GOTTA TELL PEEJ.
POP!
HOLD YOUR HORSIES, MAX. THE STORY GETS BETTER.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD HUMPTY DUMPTY.
♪♪ [HUMMING TUNE]
- IT SAYS "PULL," ACE. - WHOOPSIE. THANKS.
♪♪ [WHISTLING]
AAH! MY GUN! WHERE'S MY GUN?
♪♪ [ELIOT WHISTLING]
- [SCREAMS] - WELL, WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?
NOT THE KNEES! ANYWHERE BUT THE KNEES!
O.K., I'LL JUST DUMP IT OVER HERE.
[ICE CUBES CLATTERING]
Y-Y-YOU'RE DELIVERING ICE?
BUT YOU TRASHED FRANK NUTTI'S FACTORY!
AND THEY DIDN'T KILL YA?
GUESS I'M WHAT YOU CALL A PEOPLE PERSON. AH-HYUCK!
YOU KNOW, THE FBI COULD USE
A PEOPLE PERSON LIKE YOU.
GAWRSH.
"HOW TO BE A FEDERAL AGENT.
"AH, THE DIGNITY AND VALOR
"OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU INVESTIGATOR...
"THE KEEPER OF JUSTICE
IN A WORLD OF CRIME AND IMPROPRIETY."
I LOVE THIS STUFF.
CHAPTER ONE...HANDCUFFS.
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR HANDCUFFS-- OR BRACELETS--
ACCESSIBLE FOR QUICK APPREHENSION OF THE CRIMINAL.
A QUICK FLIP OF THE WRIST IS ALL THAT'S REQUIRED
TO LOCK THE HANDCUFFS SECURELY.
WHOA!
OHHHHH...OH!
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE YOU'VE PLACED THE KEY.
WHOOPSIE.
CHAPTER TWO-- THE TEAR GAS GRENADE.
BECAUSE THE TEAR GAS GRENADE IS A LAST-RESORT SOLUTION
TO EXTREME CASES OF CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE,
THE GRENADE PIN IS VERY DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.
OOPS.
WAH!
HOO-HOO-HOO!
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
CHAPTER THREE-- TARGET PRACTICE.
MY OWN SIX-SHOOTER!
COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!
OLLIE, OLLIE OXEN FREE!
THE FEDERAL AGENT HOLDING HIS FIREARM AT THE READY
MUST USE ALL HIS SENSES TO SPOT THE MURDEROUS PERPETRATOR.
GAWRSH!
WITH JUSTICE ON HIS SIDE,
THE FEDERAL AGENT HOLDS HIS GROUND.
I DARE YOU TO TRY THAT AGAIN.
ONLY UNTIL HE'S TOTALLY OUTMANNED DOES HE RUN FOR SAFETY.
I SAID RUN!
CHAPTER FOUR-- WORKING UNDERCOVER.
NOTHING GIVES AN AGENT ADVANTAGE OVER HIS ADVERSARIES
LIKE THE PERFECT DISGUISE.
BLENDING IN INCONSPICUOUSLY AND TOTALLY UNNOTICED
MAKES THE UNDERCOVER AGENT "INDEFEATABLE."
WHO THE HECK IS THAT?
EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
ALOHA.
GOOF, YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED YOUR FBI TRAINING.
YOU ARE A FEDERAL AGENT.
AND THERE IS AN ASSIGNMENT WAITIN' FOR YA.
OH, BOY! AN ASSIGNMENT!
THANK YOU, AGENT FESTER!
- THANK YOU! - [KISSES]
YECCH! UGH! UHHH!
I THINK I PREFER INGRATITUDE.
OH! WHAT A LOVELY SOUVENIR, HUH?
YEAH. SINCE ICEMAN HERE BUMPED OFF THE FED,
THERE'S NO ONE TO STAND IN OUR WAY.
- FROM WHAT? - FROM BLOWING UP OUR COMPETITION--
THE CALAMITY COLA FACTORY!
BUT YOU HAVE THEIR SECRET RECIPE. WHAT WENT WRONG?
HERE. HAVE A TASTE.
[WHEEZE] SMOOTH.
FIGURES. THE ONLY IDIOT IN TOWN WHO LIKES THE STUFF.
NOW I GOTTA RECONNOITER WITH FESTER.
[RING]
WHAT'S THE RUMPUS?
HEY, BIG MUMU. WE GOT A CASE 8x20
FRYIN' ON A LOW BIRD SONG TO THE ZENITH.
OW! [STRAINING]
WELL, I SHOULD'VE GUESSED.
FBI.
UNHHHH!
- [WHISPERING] - HUH?
FESTER, MEET ME IN THE FREEZER!
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, I'LL BE.
THAT NICE LADY SAID THERE WAS GONNA BE
A FREE PAIR OF CEMENT SHOES HERE FOR THE BOTH OF US.
I DON'T SEE ANY SHOES.
[PEG CACKLES]
ELIOT GOOF HITS ROCK BOTTOM,
TAKING FESTER NESS WITH HIM.
- SHUT UP! - SHUT UP!
WE'RE GONNA SWIM WITH THE FISH STICKS.
I'D LIKE TO GO SWIMMIN', TOO,
BUT FIRST WE BETTER STOP THEM GANGSTERS.
FROM BLOWING UP THE CALAMITY CREAM COLA FACTORY.
[RUMBLING]
OH, NO! I'M NOT READY TO GO!
I'M STILL YOUNG
AND RELATIVELY GOOD-LOOKING. [SOBBING]
[ELIOT] FESTER!
NO, NO, PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING!
FESTER, THAT'S NOT JUDGMENT DAY.
IT'S OUR WAY OUT. COME ON!
[ELIOT] O.K., PULL...NOW!
AAAAAAAGH!
HMM, AN ICE DISPENSER.
WHAT A LUCKY BREAK!
YEAH!
[FRANK] LET'S PUT DISTANCE BETWEEN US
AND THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.
[GASPS] FRANK! THEY GOT OUT!
STEP ON IT!
[HONK]
WHOA! IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,
I'D SAY THEM PEOPLE WAS TRYIN' TO KILL US.
- AAH! - AAH!
THEY ARE TRYIN' TO KILL US!
RUN! WE HAVE TO WARN THE CALAMITY COLA FACTORY!
GET 'EM!
COME ON, DOLL. I KNOW A SHORTCUT.
[PANTING]
I THINK WE BEAT 'EM.
[ELIOT] UH-OH!
THIRSTY, BOYS?
AAAGHGH! THEY GOT ME! I'M A GONE GOOFER.
GOOF, GOOF! SNAP OUT OF IT! IT'S JUST CREAM COLA.
THEN THAT'S NOT MY HEART TICKING LIKE A TIME BOMB?
NO, THAT'S A TIME BOMB TICKING LIKE A TIME BOMB!
- [TICKING] - HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE TIME, KIDS.
HA HA HA HA!
GAWRSH! THIS LOOKS LIKE A STANDARD FBI CRISIS SITUATION.
WHAT DO WE DO FIRST, FESTER?
WELL, NOW, DON'T PANIC.
LET'S SEE.
CHAPTER FIVE, "TIME BOMBS."
WHAT TO DO WHEN A TIME BOMB
TICKS CLOSER AND CLOSER TO DETONATION--
PANIC, YOU IDIOTS!
- AAH! - AAH!
[TICKING]
IT TAKES A LICKIN' AND IT'S STILL TICKIN'. NOW WHAT?
- RUN! - HEY, WAIT!
THE FREEZER!
HURRY!
- [TICKING SLOWS] - [ICE CREAKING]
YEAH! WE DID IT! I THOUGHT WAS GONNA END UP
DECORATING THE WALLS.
THIS PLACE COULD USE A LITTLE SPRUCIN' UP.
WE BETTER GET THEM CRIMINALS FIRST.
- HOW? - LEAVE IT TO A PROFESSIONAL ICEMAN.
AH-HYUCK!
COME ON!
YEOW!
- AAIIIEEE! - WHHHOOOAAHH!
- WHO-HO-HOAH! - AAIIIIEEEE!
[FESTER] WATCH OUT FOR THAT BUS!
- WHOOAAHH! - AAH!
THERE THEY ARE!
[TICKING]
- [DING] - OH, NO! HIT THE DECK!
OH, IT'S A DUD.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPILL YOUR GUTS.
AH-HYUCK!
NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK, MAX?
[TEETH CHATTERING]
[CAT YOWLS]
[GOOFY] GAWRSH!
WHOA! WAFFLES!
[YOWLS]
WELL, GAWRSH. LOOKS LIKE I LEFT THE FREEZER DOOR OPEN.
WELL, IT WASN'T VERY RESPONSIBLE OF YOU, POP,
BUT AT LEAST NOW WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF ICE.
♪ GIMME A BEAT ♪
YEAH!