AH-HYUCK.
♪ H-H-H-HIT IT ♪
♪ LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS NUMBER ONE ♪ YES!
♪ BEST BUDDIES, BEST PALS ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO WORK THINGS OUT ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE TWO OF A KIND ♪
♪ LOOKIN' FOR A REAL GOOD TIME? ♪
WHAA-OOO-HO-HO!
♪ A REAL GOOD TIME ♪
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE'LL ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ SIDE BY SIDE WHEREVER WE GO ♪
♪ WE'RE ALWAYS READY TO ROLL ♪
♪ NOW GIMME A BEAT ♪
♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ AND WE ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER ♪
GAWRSH. ♪ WE'RE THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ THE BEST OF FRIENDS FOREVER ♪
♪ NOW WE'RE CALLING EVERYONE ♪
♪ COME ALONG AND JOIN THE FUN ♪
♪ REPORT TO THE GOOF TROOP ♪
♪ LA DO BE DA BOP LA BA DO BOP ♪
YEAH!
OKAY. EARTH, VENUS, PLUTO, MARS.
ROUND AND ROUND THE SUN AND STARS.
Max: MARS FALLS OUT OF ORBIT, TAKE 11.
PEEJ, THIS IS TOTALLY TWEAKED!
I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS SCIENCE PROJECT WAS GONNA BE FUN.
THIS IS FUN. SEE?
PLEASE!
JUST LOOKING AT IT MAKES MY EYES YAWN!
COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT BAD, REALLY.
YES, IT IS. REALLY.
LOOK, BRO, IF YOU WANNA ACE THIS PROJECT,
YOU NEED SOMETHIN' PIZAZZ-IER THAN A BENT COAT HANGER!
LIKE WHAT?
THINK CREATIVE! VISUAL! COSMIC!
WITH COMETS, QUASARS, NOVAS!
SUPERNOVAS! CHEVY NOVAS!
HEY, YEAH.
YOU NEED SOMETHING NOW AND WOW...
A VIDEO!
WOW! JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES!
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T MOVIES TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND WORK?
TRUST ME, SPACE CADET!
COME, COME, COME, MR. GOOF, YOU MUST PUSH, PUSH YOURSELF!
THINK CREATIVE. VISUAL.
OKIE-DOKE!
SHH. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
REMEMBER, REMEMBER, MIMES DO NOT TALK.
(SQUEAL) GOOD! GOOD! GOOD!
NOW LET US PRACTICE THE MIME CARDS, SHALL WE?
READY?
SCISSORS!
TREE!
CHICKEN!
(CROWING)
DUCK!
OH! INTERESTING.
CONGRATULATIONS, MR. GOOF.
YOU HAVE JUST PASSED THE ARTHUR HUMANITIES SCHOOL OF STREET THEATER.
REALLY? GAWRSH! WAIT TILL I TELL MAX.
NOW, GET YOURSELF A FLASHY COSTUME,
THEN GO OUT THERE AND DAZZLE 'EM!
DAZZLE. YES, SIR!
(SQUEAL)
DON'T EVER SPEAK WHILE PERFORMING!
NUH-UH!
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR TALENT AGENTS.
YOU BETCHA!
AND REMEMBER! REACH FOR THE STARS!
AH-HYUCK! OKIE-DOKIE!
(EXCLAIMING)
LOOKS LIKE I'VE TRAINED ANOTHER GENIUS.
PJ: WHAT ABOUT COSTUMES, MAX?
I MEAN, COME ON! WE CAN'T INVADE EARTH IN BLUE JEANS!
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. I ALWAYS DO.
TA-DA! WHAT DO YA THINK?
DAD'S TAKING A PANTOMIME CLASS.
WHAT'S HE WEARING?
TIN-FOIL. DAZZLIN', HUH?
GUESS WHAT I AM.
GAWRSH! HEY, MAX,
I'M HEADIN' DOWNTOWN TO PERFORM MY ACT.
WANNA COME ALONG?
UH, OH... I'D LOVE TO, DAD,
BUT I GOTTA HELP PEEJ HERE WITH HIS HOMEWORK.
(SIGHS) OH, OKAY.
WELL, GOTTA GO REACH FOR THE STARS!
OOPS. CAN'T TALK ANYMORE, STARTING RIGHT NOW!
SHEESH! THANKS, DAD! COME ON, PEEJ.
WAIT, MAN! THIS IS GETTIN' KINDA FUN.
LATER, MR. G.
FOUND IT!
NUTS. I FORGOT THIS NEEDS A VCR,
AND OURS IS BROKEN.
WELL, THAT'S THAT.
I KNOW! WE'LL USE YOUR DAD'S!
HEY, MAN! WE TOUCH MY DAD'S STUFF, BOOM, HE'LL PLASTER US!
(HUMMING)
Peg: OH, PUDGY-POO!
OVER HERE, SNOOKUMS!
OH MY, IT LOOKS WONDERFUL!
IS IT THAT POTTERY KILN YOU PROMISED ME?
NO, IT'S A BARBECUE! HA HA!
THIS BABY'LL ROAST AN OSTRICH.
OH, THEN I BETTER GET SOME FOOD READY.
OH, HERE. TRY THIS.
THANKS, POOKEY.
YOU LIKE IT?
YES! WHAT IS THIS STUFF?
TASMANIAN TAR ROAST COFFEE.
IT WAS ON SALE, SO I BOUGHT 50 POUNDS.
YUCK!
HMM. MAYBE I COULD USE IT FOR CHARCOAL LIGHTER.
(HUMMING)
MORNIN', SON!
WHOA! STOP! TIME OUT! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
OH, UM, DAD! UH, I NEED TO BORROW THE VCR
FOR MY SCIENCE PROJECT. AND WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE PING-PONG BALLS I GAVE YA?
UH I, I'M MAKING A SCIENCE FICTION VIDEO INSTEAD.
WELL, FORGET IT!
BUT WHY, DAD? I MEAN, YOU...
YOU SEE, SON, A MAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE,
SO THAT MAKES ME KING.
KING OF THE HOUSE, THE BOAT, THE BARBECUE,
THE BOWLING TROPHIES, AND ESPECIALLY THE VCR.
SO THAT ROYAL STUFF IS OFF-LIMITS
TO PEASANTS AND SUCH LIKE YOURSELF.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
UH, SORTA.
GOOD.
PUT IT BACK.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BUILD THAT MODEL AFTER ALL.
NO WAY! YOUR DAD SAID WE COULDN'T MOVE THE VCR,
BUT HE DIDN'T SAY WE COULDN'T PLUG IN TO IT.
HUH?
Max: PIPE WRENCH. PJ: CHECK!
- HAMMER. - CHECK!
- SAW. - BINGO!
- SCREWDRIVER! - YOU GOT IT!
UH, ARE YOU SURE YOU HOOKED IT UP RIGHT?
UH, YEP! PIECE OF CAKE!
MOST FOLKS ARE TECHNO-WIMPS COMPARED TO ME.
NOW, ALL WE GOTTA DO IS LOAD HER UP HERE
AND START FILMING BACK THERE.
(WHISTLING)
(PETE GRUNTS)
HMM! SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT THAT CHEAP CEMENT.
NOW WHERE AM I GONNA FIND AN AUDIENCE?
THERE'S SOMEONE, I THINK.
I'LL TRY MY CHICKEN IMPRESSION.
Max: MAN, EVERY SO OFTEN,
DAD ACTUALLY COMES UP WITH A GOOD IDEA.
I TOLD YOU HE LOOKED LIKE AN ALIEN.
OKAY, NOW TALK WEIRD AND MAKE LOTS OF THREATS.
READY? ACTION!
ATTENTION, EARTHLINGS.
WE ARE TINFOILIANS FROM PLANET LUMINUM.
UH, YEAH. LUMINUM.
I REPEAT, WE ARE TINFOILIANS
FROM PLANET LUMINUM.
THAT IS 3 ZILLION LIGHT YEARS
FROM YOUR MISERABLE LITTLE PLANET.
I AM MAXELL TDK, AND THIS IS...
PJ: UH, C-3-P-J.
Max: OUR MISSION? QUITE SIMPLE--
TO TAKE OVER EARTH!
PJ: YEAH, AND SHUT DOWN ALL YOUR SCHOOLS!
THAT IS RIGHT! WE DEMAND TO SPEAK
TO YOUR LEADERS IMMEDIATELY!
UH, YES, SIR. UH, WE'RE GETTING A SIGNAL
FROM SOMEWHERE IN OUTER SPACE SIR.
A SCOUT HAS BEEN SENT TO COMMUNICATE OUR DEMANDS.
PLEASE COOPERATE OR WE'LL DUST YA!
BUT, SIR, HE'S GOT A WEAPON.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND
OF SUB-VACUOUS PLUTONIC EXTRICATER, SIR.
(YELLING OVER PHONE)
PANIC INDEED, SIR.
LET'S JUST HOPE THE PUBLIC DOESN'T SEE THIS.
Max: THAT IS RIGHT, EARTH-NOIDS.
OUR SCOUT HAS SUPER-ALIEN POWERS!
HE CAN DISINTEGRATE A BUILDING WITH THE WAVE OF HIS HAND.
(GASPING)
HEY, A WHOLE CROWD!
(CROWD MUMBLING) DID YOU HEAR THAT?
FIND YOUR OWN WINDOW. AAH!
OH, BOY! A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE!
(ALL GASP)
(THINKING) SHUCKS. THEY'RE ALREADY AMAZED,
AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED!
WHAT IS HE DOING?
CAREFUL! I THINK HE'S BUILDING A FORCE FIELD!
GAWRSH! MUST BE TALENT AGENTS.
I WONDER IF THEY LIKE MY GET-UP.
DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!
GET HIM!
NOW, NOW, FOLKS. COME ON.
I'LL STILL DO FREE SHOWS AFTER I'M FAMOUS. AH-HYUCK!
GAWRSH! NOW I KNOW HOW ELVIS FELT!
NO AUTOGRAPHS, PLEASE!
(THINKING) GAWRSH. I MUST BE IN A TV STUDIO.
HEY, THIS MIGHT BE MY BIG SHOT AT STARDOM.
AH-HYUCK!
BETTER PRACTICE FOR MY AUDITION.
AMAZING!
WHY, HE HAS THE ABILITY TO ACTUALLY LEAN
AGAINST INVISIBLE GAMMA RAYS!
OBSERVE, EARTHLINGS!
C-3-P-J IS CALCULATING OUR ATTACK.
WE PLAN TO STEAL ALL YOUR PLANES AND FOOD
AND NATIONAL MONUMENTS AND...
PJ: AND, UH, CORDLESS SHAVERS
AND POGO STICKS, UH, AND TOOTHPASTE!
OH, OH, BABY! I AIN'T NOTHIN'
BUT THE REMBRANDT OF ROTISSERIES!
DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!
ALIENS HAVE INVADED SPOONERVILLE!
YOU INTERRUPTED MY ART ALLITERATIONS FOR A CHEAP JOKE?
BUT IT'S TRUE, DADDY!
COSMIC INVADERS BENT ON PLANETARY ANNIHILATION
ARE OUT THERE THIS VERY INSTANT!
SEE? NOW YA GOT HER DOIN' IT!
OH, SHUT YOUR YAP AND OPEN YOUR EYES!
WHOA! OW, OW, OW! BUT, CEREAL! BUT MUFFIN CAKES!
WE ARE NOT JOKING, EARTHLINGS. OBSERVE!
THIS USED TO BE CALAMITYVILLE!
HA HA HA HA! AND WE LIKED CALAMITYVILLE! YOU'RE NEXT!
THAT BROADCAST JUST SEEN MOMENTS AGO.
NOW, PLEASE, FOLKS, REMEMBER.
DO NOT PANIC.
JUST RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
BOTH: TOLD YA SO!
M-M-M-MARTIANS?
NOW, HONEY, NOW YOU'VE GOT TO HURRY AND PACK YOUR THINGS
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY.
NO! WE STAY!
WHY, I WORKED HARD FOR THIS STUFF,
AND NO DROOL-DRIPPING MOON-MAN
IS GONNA LAY A TENTACLE ON IT, SEE?
WE'RE GONNA FIGHT BACK!
HE KNOWS WHAT A TYPEWRITER IS.
SIRS, WE'VE TRACKED DOWN THE ALIEN SIGNAL.
IT'S NOT COMING FROM SPACE.
IT'S BEING SENT FROM RIGHT HERE ON EARTH!
ALIENS HAVE LANDED IN SPOONERVILLE!
UH, UM, UM, PEANUT-BRITTLE,
ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T JUST LEAVE TOWN?
A MAN'S HOUSE IS HIS CASTLE, SO I'M DIGGING A MOAT.
NO GALACTIC GOON IS GONNA COME ALONG
AND WRECK MY ROYAL STUFF.
UH, PETEY, WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING?
UH, WELL, I'M--I'M BUILDING A BLOCKADE.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
IT'S THEM! PEG, GET IN THE HOUSE AND BLOCK ALL THE WINDOWS!
OH, DEAR! NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT FREEZER DEFROSTED.
LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE'S DISAPPEARED.
WAIT, WHAT'S THAT?
YOU'LL NEVER GRILL ON THIS EARTH MAN'S BARBEQUE!
YOU COSMIC CREEPOS!
GUY'S LOST HIS MARBLES.
FEAR, PROBABLY.
THE MOAT! GOTTA FILL THE MOAT!
EMPTY!
TASMANIAN TAR ROAST!
LET'S SEE THEM BUG-EYED, POINTY-EARED TIN-HEADS
GET PAST THIS!
NOW WHAT'S HE DOING?
(LAUGHING)
- WHAT'S THAT? - A SMOKE SIGNAL?
THIS IS FLYING DUCK TO HOMEBOY. WE FOUND THE ALIEN LANDING SITE.
SEND ALL UNITS.
SURRENDER NOW, EARTHLINGS!
RESISTANCE IS USELESS!
SO IS THAT AN A+ PROJECT OR WHAT?
OH, YEAH, I LIKED THE PART
ABOUT TURNING LINCOLN'S MEMORIAL
INTO A VIDEO ARCADE!
COME ON, LET'S GO WATCH THE TAPE.
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?
SINCE THE ALIEN BROADCASTS BEGAN THIS AFTERNOON,
NASA HAS BEEN ABLE TO CAPTURE THIS MARTIAN SCOUT.
AND AUTHORITIES NOW BELIEVE OTHER ALIENS HAVE LANDED HERE
AND ARE HOLDING THIS FAMILY CAPTIVE.
TAKE THIS, MR. SPOCK!
(SCREAMS)
MAX, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
SHH! LOOK, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO CLEAR UP THIS MESS.
- FESS UP? - NO, COVER UP!
FIRST WE GOTTA SAVE DAD!
(GRUNTING) YOU SURE THEY GOT YOUR DAD IN HERE?
(GRUNTS) NASA HEADQUARTERS, RIGHT?
NOW HUSTLE YOUR BUNS.
HMM. THIS LOOKS BAD.
IT IS BAD, GENTLEMEN.
AND JUST WHO ARE YOU?
GREETINGS, COLLEAGUES! I AM DOCTOR MAXIMILLIAN,
AND THIS IS PROFESSOR PEEJFIELD.
UH, WE, WE'RE FROM THE FEDERATED LEAGUE OF, UH...
UM, UH...
INTERGALACTIC BODY LANGUAGE!
- YES, THANK YOU, PROFESSOR. - MY PLEASURE.
WAIT, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THE FED--
OH, NO! PROFESSOR, DO YOU SEE THAT?
- Max: THIS IS TERRIBLE! - WHAT IS IT?
HE SAYS HE'S, UH, UH, CUTTING OUT OF HERE!
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
PJ: UH, 'CAUSE HE'S NOT FEELING WELL.
UH, WE THOUGHT SO. WHAT'S WRONG?
QUITE SIMPLY, HE'S GOT THE COSMIC CHICKEN POX.
IS THAT DANGEROUS?
WELL, FIRST YOUR TEETH ALL CHANGE POSITION,
AND THEN--AND THEN YOUR EAR WAX MELTS.
THIS IS FOLLOWED BY HOUSE-ITOSIS,
BLOATED LIVER AND ONIONS,
AND MALE PATTERN BALDNESS.
AND WORST OF ALL, IT'S VERY CONTAGIOUS.
(STUTTERING) UH, UH, CONTAGIOUS?
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!
RUN! RUN!
COME ON, DAD! LET'S VACATE!
WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
BUT EVERYONE'S GONE! SEE?
GAWRSH! WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS DOIN' SO WELL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, DAD?
THE TV TRY-OUTS!
BUT THIS ISN'T A TV--
I WANTED TO MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME.
AH! BUT I AM, DAD. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT.
NO, I WAS TERRIBLE. NOW I'LL NEVER GET ON TV.
OH, YES, YOU WILL!
GAWRSH! WHAT'S GOIN' ON AT PETE'S HOUSE?
UH, THEY'RE FILMING A SCIENCE-FICTION SHOW.
AND THEY WANT YOU IN IT.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
THE TALENT AGENTS TOLD US ABOUT IT.
- THEY DID? - SHH!
NOW, PUT YOUR HELMET ON, DAD, AND I'LL FILL YOU IN.
OKIE-DOKIE.
FIRST, YOU GOTTA MAKE A GRAND ENTRANCE.
PEEJ HERE WILL HELP YOU.
(CHATTER)
EAT HOT PHOSPHORUS, YOU VENUSIAN VARMINTS!
DEATH RAYS! DEATH RAYS! (YELLING)
QUICK, MOMMY! THOSE DISREPUTABLE MARTIANS ARE TRYING TO GET IN.
FIRE!
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHES)
I THINK WE GOOFED.
WAKE UP, SUGAR-SOCKS.
UH, THOSE ALIENS MUST'VE GOT YOU!
CAN WE STAY FOR THE CARTOONS, MAMA?
OW! SAY, PISTOL-PUMPKIN,
HOW ABOUT A NICE GLASS OF WATER FOR DADDY, HUH?
NO THANKS. I'M NOT THIRSTY.
Scientist: WE COME IN PEACE!
WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU!
NEVER, YOU PURPLE PEOPLE-EATERS!
LET 'EM HAVE IT, JELLY-JAR!
FIRE!
YOU WANT MY BOWLING TROPHIES?
WELL, COME AND GET 'EM, YOU SOLAR SISSIES!
THIS IS DANIELLE WRATHMAKER SIGNING OFF.
AHEM, UH, EXCUSE ME!
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
THE ALIEN HAS ESCAPED. LOOK!
- (ALL GASPING) - HE'S GONE.
THERE'S ONE ON MY ROOF?
ALLOW ME TO INTERPRET FOR HIM.
THE MARTIAN SAYS
THE WALLS OF MANKIND ARE CLOSING IN ON HIM.
SO HE'S DECIDED TO RETURN TO THE WINDY PLAINS OF MARS.
AND HE, HE'S NOT GOING TO DESTROY EARTH AFTER ALL.
HE'S LEAVING NOW!
FAREWELL! ADIOS, MUCHACHOS!
IT'S WORKING, PEEJ. IT'S WORKING!
YIKES! IT'S NOT WORKING!
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T WRECK MY HOUSE AND GET OFF SCOT FREE!
(GRUNTING)
(GOOFY EXCLAIMING)
LOOK, THE ALIENS HAVE LEFT FOR GOOD!
(ALL WHOOPING)
SEE, PEEJ? NOTHING TO IT.
HEY, WHERE YOU GOIN'?
I'M GONNA LOOK FOR THOSE PING-PONG BALLS AND START OVER.
GAWRSH! BY THE TIME I WOKE UP,
THE TV CREW HAD GONE.
THAT'S OKAY, DAD.
I THINK WE'RE TOO GOOD FOR TELEVISION ANYWAY.
I WAS THINKIN' THE SAME THING, MAX.
THAT'S WHY I DUG UP THIS HERE BROCHURE
ON HOPI INDIAN DANCING.
NOW, CLASSES START MONDAY.
YOU AND I COULD WORK UP A GREAT ROUTINE
AND TAKE IT ON THE ROAD OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT THERE.
(GROANS)
LOOK WHAT THEM SLIME-DRIPPING,
FLAT-FOOTED MARTIANS DID TO MY BARBECUE.
BOY, IF I 'EM HERE,
I'D MAKE 'EM SORRY THEY WERE EVER HATCHED.
IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE A MILLION LIGHT-YEARS AWAY,
YOU FOIL-COVERED MORONS!
(YELLS) ALIEN EGGS!
(EXCLAIMING)
OH, SO THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE MASHED POTATOES.