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Blue 32. Blue 32.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
Blue 32.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
Blue 32.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
All right!
Hut! Hut!
Yeah!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And it's a touchdown!
TSU wins its third national championship.
From champs to chumps.
Just six months ago, the Texas State Fighting Armadillos
were billed as the greatest college football team in history.
And now they are history.
Yesterday, the commission slapped Texas State
with a staggering list of infractions
including recruiting violations,
steroid abuse, illegal payments to players
and of course, grade tampering.
The way these guys are going, their yearbook photos
will be used as mug shots.
Joining us tonight as our guest commentator,
the legendary Ed "Straight Arrow" Gennero.
The man who once threw five All-Americans
off his football team for taking money from boosters,
but still won the Cotton Bowl.
Thanks for joining us tonight, Coach. Good to be here, Chris.
Coach, what's the latest on the Armadillos?
Well, Chris, the penalty had it down to Texas State
will set an example for the future of college football.
BERMAN: What happens to the players?
Well, all the players from the old team have been expelled,
and all the coaches have been fired.
BERMAN: Where will they get their new players?
GENNERO: The new players must be real students.
No more scholarships, no more monkey business,
no more special favors, or else no more football.
DIRECTOR: Cut it! (BELL RINGING)
Mr. Gennero?
Carver Purcell, president of Texas State.
I know who you are. We were just talking about you.
What can I do for you?
Well, the commission came down pretty hard on us,
and we've been taking a lot of heat in the press, and I thought may be...
Now, wait a minute.
If you're here to ask me to go easy on you...
Ed...
I'm here to offer you the head coaching job at Texas State.
MAN: Nice show, Ed. Thank you.
No, I'm finished with football.
Look, I'm talking about total control.
No pressure to win.
Just run a clean program like you've always wanted.
Last time I did that, they fired me. Hey...
The boosters fired you, Ed.
We don't have boosters anymore.
The truth is, we need the kind of man
who'll bounce an All-American if he takes money.
No, you don't need me, you need an image.
That's what you... I'm offering the opportunity to show the world
that this can be done... You know, your way.
PURCELL: Think about it.
COACH RIG: Get used to it!
This may be the biggest crowd we draw all year!
(CHUCKLING)
From the Cotton Bowl to the dustbowl.
I got to be out of my cotton-picking mind to let you talk me into this.
Building a team from an actual student body?
Mass suicide. Good to see you, Wally.
Yeah. Come on.
I thought you'd be pleased.
The two of us working together again.
Why the hell should I be pleased?
I had an offer to coach my own team.
Coaching high school football in London doesn't count, Wally.
It was a good deal.
Besides I only had to teach one personal hygiene class.
Which is something you know nothing about.
By the way, I understand you're off the sauce.
Don't change the subject.
I shouldn't be second banana to anybody, including you.
I'll give you a free hand. No crossovers.
You stick to defense. Offense is mine.
Oh, yeah. You're the big "O," I'm the little "D."
Don't start with me, Wally. Yeah.
RIG: You know the trouble with you is?
You keep things bottled up. That's not healthy.
Me, if I've got something on my mind, I say it.
GENNERO: Sometimes it's best just to keep your mouth shut.
RIG: Yeah.
I suppose I should learn to dress nice...
Kiss ass.
At least I'm not taking nitro pills like they're breath mints.
I don't suppose you told Purcell about that, huh?
Well, he didn't ask.
It's good to be back, huh?
So, what do you say?
Equal partners?
Ed... Thanks.
No, no shit. Thanks. It's all right.
(BELL CHIMING) (PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
NEIDERMAN: (ON SPEAKER) Hey, Armadillo fans, this is Chuck Neiderman,
the voice of the Fighting Armadillo.
This season, your football team
needs more than your support,
so if any of you listeners can punt, pass, block or kick,
then report to the gymnasium at 3:00 sharp
for open football tryouts.
RIG: Way to go! Climb!
Come on! Come on! I like the cowboy.
You can have him.
WILKINSON: You guys call yourselves Armadillos?
Move it, you sorry-ass buckets of quivering civilian slime!
Screw you!
Sir!
They didn't have this many deserters in the Republican Guard.
Son, are you all that you can be?
Sir, yes, sir!
Well, it's a little too much.
Sir, yes, sir.
Move it. Sir, yes, sir!
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
RIG: All right, all right, all right, all right.
Whoa!
Look at that kid.
Got the heart of a lion.
And the legs of a chicken.
GENNERO: That's Charlie Banks.
The only player on last year's team that survived the purge.
He was a walk-on.
Never got a minute of playing time, even got left off the roster.
GENNERO: Just one thing I like about him.
RIG: What's that?
GENNERO: He wouldn't quit. (WHISTLE BLOWING)
Just what we need.
All right, let's go!
Set!
Hut!
GENNERO: All right, Papke.
Show me the arm, son.
Throw the ball, genius.
Come on.
You ready, Wyatt? Ready to go.
Set! Hut!
(GRUNTING)
Sorry, Wyatt. I'll get it there next time.
Good route. Good route.
All right, relax, son. Try it again.
Set! Hut!
I thought you were gonna do one of these.
How about that? He stinks at two sports.
I can work with him.
Just butt out of my offense, will you, Wally?
If you think you can build an offense around a guy
who throws like Edward Scissorhands,
we're gonna play a hell of a lot of defense.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
(CATTLE MOOING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Paul Blake!
RIG: I'm looking for Paul Blake.
Hey! Come on, come on.
(MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Guess you don't remember me.
Yeah, I remember you. Coach Riggendorf.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
RIG: Well, what do you know?
I guess I made a decent impression on you.
Yeah, you were out here
sixteen years ago recruiting for Penn State.
Can we mosey on over to the bunkhouse?
How's the magic arm?
Thirty-four years old.
Haven't thrown a football in years.
That's good. Then it's rested. (SCOFFS)
Do you realize you never enrolled in college,
so you can still play as a freshman?
Could have saved you a 200-mile trip, Coach.
Blake, I know why you passed up on college.
Yeah, well, that all happened a long time ago.
Aren't you the least bit curious about what you missed out on?
I made my peace with it.
I don't need to drag it all back.
Hey...
I'm not asking you to give up the Ponderosa.
All I'm asking you to do is come out for the team.
Team? Yeah.
You don't have a team, Coach.
Hell, you're dragging kids off the street
and throwing them to the wolves.
You expect me to come back
and get the shit kicked out of me?
What the hell's that going to prove?
Maybe you're right.
Maybe you should stay here
with all your high school trophies
and wonder just how great you might have been.
But I'll tell you one thing.
I never saw anybody fire that football the way you did.
PURCELL: I can't run interference for you on this, Ed.
Dean Elias calls the shots on education.
You might consider kissing his ass a little.
Well, I'd hate to lead him on.
I'm an old-fashioned dean, Coach Gennero.
Call me stodgy, priggish, a stick in the mud, if you will,
but I believe that the function of the university
is to educate and enlighten. GENNERO: Oh, so do I.
I couldn't agree with you more.
As a matter of fact, I think you should be congratulated
for having that other team thrown out of here.
Well, thank you.
I hope I won't have to do it again.
GENNERO: I'm sure you won't.
Any member of my team who doesn't make the grade academically
simply won't play, that's all.
Now that we've got that settled, let's have lunch.
ELIAS: One moment please, Carver.
Let me be straight, Coach Gennero.
I've always opposed this or any other school
squandering its limited resources
on a mind-numbing sport that encourages
corruption and barbarism.
Well, then, I guess I won't be putting you down for season tickets then, huh?
(CHUCKLING)
ELIAS: He's funny, Carver.
I like jokes.
So now maybe we can have lunch.
Uh, no, I'm busy.
I'm on a diet... And busy.
All right.
Coach.
Dean.
This is going to work out just fine.
MAN: Ready... Begin!
ALL: One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Hut!
Go.
RIG: All right. Good hit.
Jog it back! Come on!
(GRUNTING)
They're always shouting.
Dean Elias, for someone who hates football,
you spend a lot of time watching the sport.
Eternal vigilance is the price of integrity,
Coach Gennero.
What an asshole.
Like that move, Coach?
Keep working, Edison, keep working.
Edison? Any relation to the guy who made the light bulb?
No. Bigger, as in Edison library,
Edison Stadium,
Edison Avenue.
His old man? You got it.
Dean Elias...
Your office said I'd find you here.
My registration.
You done with this? Yes. Thank you.
I was...
Well, try that play again, son. Okay.
GENNERO: Wally, did you hire an assistant coach without telling me?
No. I got your quarterback without telling you.
Wally... Well, I hope he gets younger as he gets closer.
Just give it a look, will you, please?
Blake, tattoo somebody!
Hey, over here.
(GRUNTING) (CHUCKLING) All right!
Mmm.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRL LAUGHING)
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Hey, is 209 west this way?
Who's your kid? Maybe I know him.
I'm not looking for my kid. I'm looking for my room.
Whoa, a 40-year-old freshman?
Yeah. Maybe he knew Elvis.
WILKINSON: Discipline is everything.
SAMURAI: But everything is nothing. Aw, bullshit!
Oh!
Wells Fargo coming through.
(KNOCKING) MANUMANA: Come in.
(STRAINING)
Hi.
We'll miss it. Let's go.
Hi.
Paul Blake.
Looks like we're going to be roommates.
Laikai Manumana.
Yeah, well, Laikai Manumana to you, too.
No, Mr. Blake. That's my name.
I'm from Samoa, the big island.
I'm called Manumana.
It means "runt of the litter."
The other men in my family are very large.
Uh-huh.
Well, uh...
Excuse me.
Can I get you anything?
Another pillow? A cup of Samoan tea?
Maybe something comfortable to wear?
What's with all the attention?
Where I come from, Mr. Blake,
we're taught to respect our elders. Yeah?
Well, I'm not that eld, all right?
(GRUNTING)
Thank you. Sure.
RIG: (GROANING) Oh, God!
Get out of there! Get up! Get out of there!
Come on! Damn!
Hut! Hut!
RIG: Oh, man!
GENNERO: Featherstone?
Are you the gentleman who ran the hurdles in 13.2?
Thirteen flat, sir. Excuse me.
Would you go long, fly a pattern right, please?
Thank you.
Set...
Hut! Hut!
Hut!
Hut, hut!
Come on!
Keep your eyes on the ball, son!
RIG: While you're at it, keep your hands on the ball.
Featherstone, come on once again, try again.
Come on!
Set... Hut! Hut!
(GRUNTING)
All right, try again! That's all right, son!
Keep trying. Just keep your eyes on the ball!
Damn it!
Again!
(GROANING)
Again!
Hut!
(GRUNTING)
Good. Better. That's better.
(HUFFS)
What the hell is it, Samurai?
You got a problem?
My master said that football is not just a game of smashing heads.
It is a contest to control and occupy territory.
No shit?
My master says, "Put your money where your mouth is."
All right!
Down!
Set!
Hut, hut!
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
Works for me.
(PANTING)
GENNERO: What's the story, Wally?
RIG: Well, I think he could have been the greatest.
I saw him pass for five touchdowns
in a Texas High School championship game.
I had him all set to dump SC and go to Penn State.
So then what happened?
His father died.
He never thought twice.
He gave it all up to run the family business.
He missed college.
He missed everything.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
You okay?
No. Actually, I was just hit in the head by a racquetball.
Could I have my ball?
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
10-8.
I'm really sorry I hit you.
(STUTTERING) Oh, it... It's okay.
I, uh...
(GROANING) Ah, one tip,
never let these kids see you're hurting.
Yeah, I know. They smell liniment,
and they're on you like a pack of wild dogs.
A freshman called me "ma'am" this morning.
I wanted to smack him. (CHUCKLING)
I know what you mean.
Well, I'm glad you're okay.
Yeah! Oh, yeah. No, I'm...
Are you in a hurry?
Um...
Yeah. Teaching four classes tomorrow.
What department are you in?
Athletics.
Well, we'll probably run into each other at the faculty mixer.
Probably.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Okay. I'll see you around.
I'll need McKenzie at flanker,
and I want the two twins.
No, no. No way. Not the twins.
They're the only two guys who like each other without being suspect.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, come on.
They have to protect your aging quarterback.
GENNERO: I'll give you Granger. RIG: Granger?
ELIAS: No, you won't.
Oh, hello, Dean.
Jesus. Even a rattlesnake gives you some warning.
It's all right. Uh...
What's wrong with Granger?
Incomplete summer school.
You know the rule, no pass, no play.
Well, that shouldn't be a problem.
I mean, we'll take it to the board of appeals and he can do a make-up.
Absolutely. The appeals board is the way to go.
They meet in July.
Or is it every other July?
Well... At any rate,
I'm sure you wouldn't want to circumvent the rules,
Mr. Straight Arrow.
Sorry, Wally, you just lost Granger.
ELIAS: I'm sorry, too, Wally.
Wally, right?
You can call me Walter.
And while we're at it...
"Florentine, Pasarelli, Prescott, Risdon, Marks..."
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. All of them?
As of this morning.
Grade point average is too low.
How the hell do you expect us to field a team?
I don't.
Well, that's a quick end to a season.
(SCOFFS) You don't have enough offense,
and I don't have enough guys for defense.
Wally... Hmm?
We do if we play both ways.
(CHUCKLING) Are you kidding?
Iron-man football with this bunch of daisies? Come on!
You're taking too many pills.
(GRUNTING)
You okay?
Set...
Hut! Hut! (BLOWING WHISTLE)
RIG: (CLEARING THROAT) Hold it.
Where are your pads, McKenzie?
Oh, no pads for me, Coach.
In Australian rules, the only people that wear pads
are the ref and the spectators. Trust me.
All right, I'll respect your wishes, son,
but you're gonna have to take responsibility, all right?
Right.
Set... Hut!
(GRUNTING)
Oh, McKenzie!
Check him out.
PLAYER: He's still breathing.
GENNERO: Some room, some room, some room, guys. Is he all right?
How do you like that?
RIG: He held on to the ball.
When he wakes up, get him some pads.
I don't know, Ed.
Pads could hurt his game.
(PANTING)
Excuse me?
Um, are the lectures going to cover everything,
or will there be outside reading?
How should I know?
Well, aren't you the professor?
No, no, no, sweetheart. That's not the prof.
That's the bloody quarterback. (ALL LAUGHING)
Excuse me.
You don't teach athletics?
BLAKE: I don't think I ever actually used the word "teach."
Fine. Have a seat, Mr...
Blake.
Paul Blake.
(WHISPERING)
Good morning, Mr. Blake. Morning, Mr. Blake.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Good morning.
CARTER: Some of you may be under the impression
that this is a coaster's class.
Well, if you're looking to coast, you're in the wrong room.
But on the other hand... (WHISPERING) It's okay.
If you're really interested in journalism
and you have any problems with my class,
just come to me. I'm here to help you.
Okay?
This is Journalism 101.
Suzanne.
Dr. Carter, please.
Look.
I didn't mean to mislead you yesterday.
Well, yes, I did.
It's just that...
You were embarrassed. Yeah.
Let's get one thing straight, Mr. Blake.
Paul. (SIGHING)
I think it's admirable, Mr. Blake,
that a man your age has the courage
to come back to school to offer your body up to the football gods,
but I don't give special treatment to football players,
so wear a helmet, try to save a few brain cells for my class.
I guess this is a bad time to ask you out?
You wanted to see me, Dean Elias? I have a class.
Yes, I know. Actually, that's why I wanted to see you.
Please, have a seat.
It's about you taking over Journalism 101.
I just thought you'd like to know that last year,
the jocks nicknamed it "schmooze the news."
They thought it was something of a pushover course.
I wondered why so many guys named "Bubba" signed up for journalism.
Ha ha. Don't worry.
I don't give free rides, Dean Elias.
Phillip.
And I don't give free rides, either.
Hold all calls.
You know...
You're one of our very special people here at TSU.
No, I mean that. Harvard, the Washington Post.
Yet still you chose to come back here to me.
Us. I meant to say us.
That's why I know you wouldn't do anything to disappoint someone
who sees so much future in you... Suzanne.
Well, that's very nice.
Yes, I know.
But, you see, sometimes I can be quite nice.
I am so late. Would you excuse me?
That's why even in these past few days...
Something of a kinship. (DOOR CLOSING)
And I know you feel it, too.
KRIMM: All right. This thing about to happen here...
Now, this is really funky.
But if you think that's cool, you got to check out a supernova.
That's when you have a violent explosion
that jacks up a star's luminosity up to about
10 to the 45th power joules.
When that happens, I suggest cop some shade.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking right now.
"Mr. Krimm, will this help me get a job when I graduate?"
No. But they made me watch this as a freshman, so now you must watch it.
(CHUCKLING)
All right, everybody, class over. Get out.
Next time, chapter eight, on gravitation.
Mr. Paul Blake. Arm of the Armadillos, man.
I've been reading about you. Yeah?
Now, what is your interest in celestial mechanics?
It was either this or home ec.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, so you took the easy way out, huh?
On the farm, you know, you spend a lot of nights staring up at the sky.
What were you doing? Praying for rain?
Something like that. (LAUGHING)
There was an Andre Krimm.
Played tackle, Lincoln High. Oh, man.
All-state. Big ugly guy. (LAUGHING)
Bringing back some old memories, man.
I guess you want the story now, right?
All right. I got a scholarship here to play football
and major in chemistry.
But the coach didn't see it that way.
"Hell, son, I didn't bring you here to be no chemistry professor.
"Now why don't you just take some basket-weaving and kick some butt."
Doesn't look like you dropped chemistry.
No. I don't regret it.
Got my BS in five semesters,
my master's in one year, and I'm halfway to my PhD.
I'm not trying to brag or anything.
Oh, no, no. It didn't sound like bragging... Too much.
(CHUCKLING) Just a little bit.
You got a year of eligibility left, right?
For football? Oh! Get out of town.
Tell me you don't miss it. (STAMMERING)
Tell me you don't miss it. Stand here and tell me that.
All right, I miss some parts. Okay.
You guys really going to try to go both ways this year?
Well, that's the plan, yeah.
Look, uh, Andre,
we really need you.
Man, it's been a long time
since I really got a chance to kick some butt.
(CHUCKLING) See you in class.
RIG: Okay, Banks! Ready... Hut!
Come on, Banks!
You're supposed to be hitting the sled,
not humping a butterfly!
I want you mean! I want you nasty!
I want you to eat raw meat!
Get your ass out of here!
All right, next!
Hut!
(GRUNTING)
Andre does not eat raw meat...
Because Andre is a vegetarian.
Eat whatever the hell you want, Andre.
NEIDERMAN: Hi, sports fans.
Chuck Neiderman here to bring you exclusive coverage
of today's opening game on our closed-circuit campus radio network.
The Armadillos are getting ready
to kick off their 10-game season this afternoon.
I'm all alone here in the booth,
thanks to the broadcast blackout.
The rest of the nation's press is gonna miss out on one hell of a game.
Or at least a noble effort.
(CLOCK TICKING)
(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN: Have a good game.
(CLANKING)
(HISSING)
(CRACKING)
(CROWD CHEERING IN THE DISTANCE)
(BAND PLAYING)
NEIDERMAN: Here comes the Southwest Texas Bobcats.
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
The Bobcats came here with a traveling squad of 119 players,
and over 14,000 faithful Bobcat fans drove up here
in their Winnebagos, pickups, and Astro vans.
And now, here are all 17
of your new Texas State Fighting Armadillos.
(CHEERING)
PLAYER: Okay, guys. Come on. Let's go. Come on.
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Let's go. Gather around, guys, Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
All right, gentlemen. All right. Listen up.
Just give me 100%, all right?
PLAYER1: All right! Just give me 100%.
GENNERO: Now the last time the Armadillos took the field,
they won a national championship,
but they lost their self-respect.
Now, I want you to get it back.
(ROARING)
All right. All right.
Way to go, guys.
Not much of a crowd.
Well, at least we have the home field advantage.
The Alamo was the home field.
(GIRL SQUEALING)
ALL: Yeah! We're number one!
We're number one!
NEIDERMAN: Sargie Wilkerson takes the ball to five.
He comes around the right side.
And he's greeted at the 20 by three Bobcats.
Too bad. He only had eight men left to beat.
All right. Keep it simple.
Our bread-and-butter play.
Brown right 22 trap. All right.
GENNERO: Go ahead.
The Bobcats' defense is anchored by Sidney "The Doberman" Harris,
who was All-American last season in spite of missing two games
due to, I believe, rabies shots.
Hey, high school!
(GROWLING)
Ooh! Doggy breath.
Bad doggy. Bad doggy.
Blue 42.
(GROWLING CONTINUES)
Set...
Hut! Hut!
(GROANING)
NEIDERMAN: Blake's looking to hand off.
He's still looking. Still looking.
Quarterback keeper.
Now what happened? Who missed the assignment?
Everybody missed the God damn assignment.
They're perfect. It's all right...
(GROWLING)
Get the hell out of there!
Again, run it.
ALL: Bobcats!
Bobcats!
NEIDERMAN: Armadillos have second down on their own 16.
(GRUNTING)
NEIDERMAN: Well, they run the ball again,
but they only lost 2 yards this time. (BLOWING WHISTLE)
Nice play, guys.
(GROANING)
Third down, coming up.
By the way, quarterback Paul Blake is the only Armadillo
who was alive when the Beatles were still together.
(CHEERING)
Again. Well, they haven't run it yet.
(MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Okay, guys, quiet down.
Brown right, 22 trap.
We just ran that.
He's trying to kill us.
I think they're looking for that one, soldier.
They haven't seen it yet.
Why don't we save that for later, Blake?
All right. Just settle down.
Settle down!
MAN: All right.
Screw it.
Straight up pass blocking, all right?
Fly pattern.
Square in. Square in. Got it.
On Two. Ready? ALL: Break!
NEIDERMAN: Third and long situation.
Let's see what the 'Dillos do here.
Freshman Paul Blake comes to the line.
Blake takes the snap. He's back to pass!
(GRUNTING)
He goes deep!
He's got a cannon!
What in the hell is that?
Featherstone has a step.
He's all alone!
He's got... Oh! In and out of his hands.
MAN: Damn!
No, no, no, no, no!
He was wide open. We'll get it.
Blake, sit down.
GENNERO: Papke! You're going in for Blake.
I called a running play, not a pass.
CROWD: (CHANTING) Defense! Defense! Go, go, go!
NEIDERMAN: McKenzie back to punt for the Armadillos.
Oh! Not much of a hang time.
They may have gotten a piece of that one.
All right, send in your defense.
Samurai!
NEIDERMAN: The Armadillos send in their defense,
consisting of one Eric "Samurai" Hansen.
The rest of the squad is playing iron-man football,
playing both offense and defense.
The Bobcats, however, have a fresh squad on the field.
Fifty down!
Double wing! Double wing!
Motion left! Motion left!
I got the motion! Hey! That's my man!
I got him! I got him!
NEIDERMAN: The Armadillos are showing a lot of respect for Stillman
with quadruple coverage to the right side.
Moses is wide open.
It's a touchdown!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Blue 45!
Set...
Hut! Hut!
NEIDERMAN: Papke still in for Blake.
These two have distinctly different throwing styles.
Blow the whistle!
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
It's all right. It's gonna be a long day, but it's gonna be a good one, right?
(GRUNTING)
Ooh!
(CROWD BOOING)
(CHUCKLING)
Boo!
NEIDERMAN: (ON RADIO) For some reason, Paul Blake
has not come back into the game. I'm sure... (RADIO CLICKING OFF)
All right, just tell Dean Elias that I had called. All right? Thank you.
Yeah, and...
GENNERO: I'd appreciate it. Yes, please.
I'll be here. Thank you.
How are you, Blake?
You got a second?
Of course, of course.
I think we ought to talk.
Well, my door's always open to my players.
Including the ones you bench?
Even the ones I had to throw off my team.
Sit down, Blake.
Look, Coach, I'll give you everything I got out there.
That's not enough.
You've got 10 other guys out there with you.
I need everything they've got, too.
I want someone to be their leader not to leave them behind.
Look, I just want to play, Coach.
You want me to hand off all day long, I'll do it.
It's your team. No, no, no.
I don't want it to be my team. It has to be your team.
What are you saying? You want me to hang out with them,
be their pal? What?
No, I can't tell you how to do that, Blake.
You're going to have to work that out for yourself.
CARTER: "But the crowd seemed most taken
"with the bulldogging skills of local favorite
"handsome Wyatt Beaudry of Comanche Gap,
(ALL CHUCKLING) "who finished eighth in the steer wrestling event."
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Well, I suppose that qualifies as a lead for a news story, Wyatt.
You got in all five Ws,
what, when, where, why, and especially the who.
MAN: As in who gives a shit? (ALL CHUCKLING)
If we could move along...
Ah, the next one is by Mr. Blake.
"For those who only read the stat sheets,
"Ed Gennero's return to coaching
"with the Texas State Fighting Armadillos
"was marred by a 65-to-0 shellacking
"by visiting Southwest Texas Bobcats
"at TSU stadium on Saturday."
That's a solid opening.
Sure. He had a great view from the bench.
(ALL LAUGHING)
CARTER: "But this contest wasn't about one football game.
"It was a test of one man's ideals.
"The Armadillos did the school proud
"and did that man proud.
"Ed Gennero.
"He won because they played."
Dean Elias here, Coach.
Tough outing Saturday. Thought you had them all the way.
GENNERO: Well, it was a learning experience, Dean.
The boys just need a little conditioning.
ELIAS: Ah, conditioning.
You took the words right out of my mouth. Perhaps I can help.
How about if I set up a live scrimmage
with one of the other state institutions?
GENNERO: Why, thank you, Dean.
ELIAS: Please, Coach, please. I'm a giver.
Cheerio.
What do you know about these guys?
I got a funny feeling about this.
GENNERO: Don't worry, Wally.
Dean Elias assured me that
we're dealing with real sportsmen.
How do you do? How do you do?
As loyal Armadillo fans, my colleagues and I
are pleased to be able to help you in your time of need,
and we look forward to a spirited workout.
Gentlemen, this is your home field,
so, please, take the ball.
All right, 'Dillos, let's get it on!
Yeah!
I'm going to cripple that pinhead.
Blue 32!
Listen guys, I want you to know something.
I believe you're all innocent.
I really mean that.
I feel a lot of love on this field today.
(SHRIEKING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(ALL GROANING)
(LAUGHING)
Hey, come on. You're offside.
You know, I usually play tennis instead of football.
(GUNSHOT)
Huh?
What are you in for, anyway?
Computer fraud.
I don't feel so good.
I think I swallowed a finger.
Yeah!
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
I got it! I got it! Hut! Hut!
(GRUNTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
GENNERO: Wally, come on, get up, Wally, come on.
People are watching. Not many, but they're watching.
If this wasn't a friggin' astroturf,
I'd dig a grave here for myself.
The Blakeman pitches to Sarge.
The Sargester bumps into his own man.
It's a fumble. Fumblelaya.
Sarge "Fumbelina" Wilkerson fumbles the ball.
Keep your head down and watch the ball. I'm ready.
Concentrate, McKenzie.
NEIDERMAN: Looks like the 0-and-5 Armadillos
may not break the jinx today.
They're not going to break into that "W" column.
Now a personal note.
It's sad that in every game there has to be a loser.
GIRL: And bring it up, four, two...
MAN: With six straight losses, the Armadillos
are looking for anything to keep their spirits up.
RIG: Come on, Iron men!
Don't give up! Don't give up!
Come on! Keep kicking!
Come on!
Move it, I said! Come on!
Get it on! Get it on!
Move it!
NEIDERMAN: The Armadillos drop their seventh heartbreaker of the season,
a squeaker, 35 to 12.
Damn!
Shit!
NEIDERMAN: So the Armadillos are 0 and 8
with two games left in the season.
Wyatt, you dumb cowboy asshole!
If you opened up a God damn hole for once,
maybe you'd know who to frigging block, huh?
Put it all on me! That's frigging right, man!
PLAYER: You couldn't catch a cold in Alaska, what's wrong with you?
Hey, man! Why don't you go bang a kangaroo!
If you knew the first thing about it...
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
You guys got a hell of a lot of energy left
considering we lost by 40 points.
Easy for you to say, Mr. I-Don't-Got-To- Play-Both-Ways!
No, shit! Yeah!
We're sick of reading about you in the newspaper!
"Paul Blake, arm of the Armadillos!"
Hey, it's not his fault. The whole team sucks.
Hey, bitch. Hey! Hey!
What's wrong with y'all?
Why don't we just give up football for a while, all right?
What we need to do is get crazy.
Can I get an amen? ALL: Amen.
We needs to get wild! Yeah!
ALL: Yeah!
We needs to par-tay!
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL CHANTING) Party!
Hey Blake, the guys are going to Billy Bob's tonight. You want to go?
I've been.
You know, it wouldn't hurt for the guys
to see you hanging out tonight.
Buy them a round, would you?
Yee-haw!
MAN: Welcome to Billy Bob's.
The bar with its own indoor bull-riding arena! (ALL CHEERING)
(COWBELL CLANGING)
(TIMER BUZZING)
(SHOUTING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN: Hey, Wyatt, nice riding!
You must be hungry.
Man, I ain't eating nothing that I might've rode in here.
Charley, Manu.
Come over here.
How you doin'? How you doin'?
Couple of pitchers, please.
Andre, look who's here.
Flat-top.
Guys, guys, see who's here?
Texas State.
Why, they all's the pussies that ain't won a game yet.
(CHUCKLING)
Well, well, well,
if it isn't the by-God number one Texas Colts.
Wow.
Did you say something, sugar? No, I...
You okay? Yeah.
Paul... Ah.
He's all talk.
Party's over, guys.
We're on probation, guys. You know that.
You know that, too.
What are you guys thinking about?
If I wanted a big brother, I wouldn't have killed mine.
Ooh! Hey, come on you don't want to mess with us.
We're nobodies. We're nothing.
You guys, you're undefeated.
You're 8 and 0.
We'll just take our little party somewhere else. Come on.
Okay.
Tell you what I'm going to do here. I, uh...
I'm going to buy you a beer.
Okay, and we can forget this whole little incident ever happened.
It's on me.
(LAUGHING)
(EXHALING)
Now it's on you.
Guess you wanted a light beer, huh? (LAUGHING)
On second thought, maybe you'd better buy me a keg.
Or better yet, put a spigot in that fat Buddha.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Easy.
BLAKE: We were getting along so good.
You had to ruin it by insulting my center.
My center.
(SCOFFS)
This is my throwing hand here.
MAN: Oh, Lord.
Oh, shit.
(GRUNTING)
Hey, he bought you a beer!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
You all right? Oh, I'm doing great,
other than the fact that somebody hit me with a chair.
Hello, Sheriff...
Yeah, it's Billy Bob's again.
(GRUNTING)
Papke, you finally threw something that connected!
You know, the next time we invite you to hang with the guys,
keep your white butt at home. (CHUCKLING)
I thought you said you wanted to par-tay.
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(GASPS)
Uh-oh, no, go ahead.
(LAUGHING)
What took you so long, Dean?
Sheriff, I'm Dean Elias.
I heard about the brawl on my beeper.
So, where's the brawl?
Brawl?
(SCOFFS) There ain't no brawl.
Number one, there isn't any brawl.
Number two, what do you mean, "There ain't no brawl?"
RIG: What you, hard of hearing? There was no brawl!
Wally, buy the Sheriff some coffee.
I'll take care of this, hm? That's a good idea.
You don't get yourself in no
trouble in here, now you hear?
Let's go, boys.
Any trouble.
Hurts when they poke you in the chest like that, doesn't it?
You know, I don't think you get the idea, Elias,
but, you see, if our boys get caught in a brawl,
that means the Colts get caught also,
and you don't get elected Sheriff
by embarrassing the pride of Texas.
For a quarter, you can jump in.
Another game, another time,
Coach Gennero.
(SIGHING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Blake!
Let's talk.
Put this away for me, would you?
I'll be seeing you on the field. (LAUGHING)
I'm really looking forward to it.
See you around, Flat-top.
Come on, boys. Let's get out of here.
Look, Coach, the guys were just blowing off a little steam you know...
No, you can't afford to act like normal students.
You just can't blow off steam.
See, Dean Elias is looking for any excuse to bury us.
Hmm?
Okay, Coach, I'm sorry. I just...
See, you'll never be a winner
unless you learn to control your team, Blake.
Damn it! I'm just trying to do...
Just answer one thing for me.
Who threw the first punch?
(CLEARING THROAT)
All right. (SIGHING)
Get that thing looked at.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi. What are you doing here?
Well, I'm kind of bleeding in your doorway.
Can I come in?
Yeah, come in.
Didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?
BLAKE: I only went because I thought that's what he wanted me to.
You know, I'm trying to read this man's mind.
Should I... Should I protect them?
Should I drink with them? What?
Thanks.
You know I just can't seem to win.
(SCOFFS) Tell you what.
I'm too old for this.
He treats me like I'm some kind of a kid.
You've got to go and talk to the man.
(SIGHING) You can't just leave this unresolved.
I can't talk to him. He's a coach. I'm a football player.
He can't talk to me like I was human.
Have you tried?
I tried with you.
Look, you have to understand how hard it is
to get respect... Respect as a female teacher, yeah.
I know. (SIGHING)
You ought to try getting respect
as a football player sometime.
Okay, let's clear the boards. Let's start again.
Square one.
Truth?
Truth.
Okay.
Paul Blake,
freshman quarterback.
Suzanne Carter, cheerleader, Hollokan High.
What?
47 to 6, state finals, 1975...
"The Game."
Oh, shit.
You know, we thought we had a real chance.
That was our best team ever.
You threw for 5 touchdowns,
420 yards in the air.
I mean, you decimated us.
You decimated my boyfriend,
and you have no idea what you did to me.
Wait a second. Are you telling me
this is all about a grudge?
A grudge? (CHUCKLING)
No.
I cut your picture out of the sports page.
I made my girlfriends drive past your farm with me.
I used to call your house and hang up.
I was nuts about you.
Is it hot in here? Can we take a walk?
(DOOR OPENING)
All I know is that we play the Kansas Jayhawks on Saturday
and we still don't have a kicker.
Don't worry. We'll find a kicker.
Where are we gonna find a kicker?
We're going to find a kicker. I guarantee it.
Hey, Wally, this way.
No, no, no. Come on. Let's get some air.
Walk off some of that pasta
that you're always shoveling down.
Look over that play that I drew up?
Wally, it's a gimmick play. It'll never work.
Oh! Sorry, I forgot. You're a genius.
That's why you have a bigger whistle than I do.
(WHISTLING)
I can't believe it. Now he's got whistle envy.
Ah...
Hell of a kick, huh?
Yes. 40-50 yards. I mean, they can...
Don't even think about it, Wally. Wrong gender.
There is nothing on the books that says a woman
can't play college football. Come on.
Now, Wally...
Hey, Rig! Is that what you wanted?
Ooh-whee, Sarge! Look at that.
They're putting a bloody Sheila on the team.
We'll be the laughingstock of college football.
What do you think we are now?
Okay, I'm ready. Let's try one.
Hut!
Manu...
Snap me the ball.
Snap the ball, damn it!
(WHISTLING) Hello, Manu.
BLAKE: Manu, hike me the ball!
Hut!
Relax, big guy.
You've already got the job.
Hut.
(GRUNTING)
Nice kick.
Aw, it was a little off.
All right. Take it back 10 yards.
(GRUNTING)
Ooh! Are you kidding me?
Yo, man, see?
That's the pressure of TV, man.
That's what happened to wrestling, man.
Women take over the sport, man. (CHUCKLING)
How about taking it back 10 yards.
(GRUNTING)
Wow.
MAN: Ooh, ooh, ooh! MAN 2: She can kick.
Yeah!
Oh! Man, that was 40 yards.
How long was that? 40 yards.
Can you believe that? Oh, yeah.
I don't even drive that far. (LAUGHING)
She's got some foot! MCKENZIE: Yeah, yeah.
It keeps getting better on the way up.
(HOOTING)
Hey!
(ALL LAUGHING)
MAN: Peace, brother.
Lucy, this is Manu.
Nice to meet you, Manu. Hi.
Wally, call me crazy,
but I've got a feeling about tonight's game.
I don't know. Maybe we've got a shot, hmm?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(BAND PLAYING)
What an amazing game!
The Armadillos have put on
a tremendous defensive effort tonight,
not allowing a touchdown in 3 1/2 quarters of play.
And speaking of tremendous efforts,
we have word from University Hospital
that homecoming queen runner-up Heidi Blair
is in satisfactory condition
following that freak lightning strike at halftime.
So, with less than a min... (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
So with less than a minute to play,
your Fighting Armadillos trail the Kansas Jayhawks 3 to 0.
But in a typhoon, it's anybody's game.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
All right, guys! Watch 'em on the inside!
Come on!
(PLAYERS CLAMORING)
Hut! Hut!
(CHEERING)
Yes, yes, yes!
(WHISTLING)
NEIDERMAN: Edison is down at the Jayhawk 37,
although he did hydroplane to the 19.
First down, 'Dillos, but time is running out in this game
clock down to 20 seconds.
(CHEERING)
Aw, shut up.
All right! First down!
Quarterback draw on 2. Ready!
ALL: Yeah.
You all right? Follow me, Mr. Blake.
(PLAYERS CLAMORING)
Come on, kid. Come on, kid.
Here we go.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
NEIDERMAN: Blake in the open field. He's got a shot to go all the way!
Come on, Paul!
Hit him! Hit him! Hit the big guy!
NEIDERMAN: He breaks a tackle. Oh, he slips!
(GRUNTING) The ball's loose! Oh! It's a fumble!
They're all piling on.
Who's got it?
Fumble.
Blue ball. Blue, blue! MAN: Sit down, you jerk!
NEIDERMAN: Tough break. I think Blake could've scored.
The ref is digging through the bodies now.
Let's see who's gonna comes up with it.
McKenzie comes up with it!
The little Australian rugger!
(CHEERING)
Stop that clock before time's up!
Lucy, get your ass in here! Wally...
Lucy.
She did well in practice.
Send her in, for Christ sakes! These are big guys.
She might get hurt. What the hell you talking about?
Hey Coach, put me in. I can do it.
We can't risk a pass.
We gotta to kick!
All right. Go in. Watch yourself, young lady.
Go! Go! Go!
NEIDERMAN: Lucy Draper is the first woman football player
in Armadillo history.
You all right?
BLAKE: Field goal! On the snap! Ready?
ALL: Break!
NEIDERMAN: Blake will spot the ball for a 34-yard try.
Do it. All right, Miss, let's go!
Come on, kid.
Hey, sugar!
Don't get nervous!
That the only way you can score?
Shut up, or you will anger me!
Yeah!
NEIDERMAN: The clock stopped with just three seconds left.
There's time for just one last play.
It's good! Armadillos tie!
(GRUNTING)
(WHISTLING)
Welcome to football.
(CLAMORING)
You will fall!
(GRUNTING)
Welcome to foot, ball!
(YELPING)
(SHRIEKING)
She can take care of herself.
Yo, man, we tied!
(CHEERING) All right! We tied!
(SHRIEKING)
All right! Bring it in guys. Quick, quick!
Listen, no speeches.
I'm proud of you.
Now let's get out of the monsoon. Come on, go, go.
DRAPER: Yeah! Whoo!
NEIDERMAN: Armadillos tie.
What an incredible upset.
The rain stops,
and so does the Armadillos' losing streak.
A real confidence-booster for next week,
going into the last game of the season,
Saturday night.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Do you believe that? You were wonderful.
One man between me and a touchdown,
between me and a win, and I blew it.
Paul, you tied.
Tied? We could have won.
(SCOFFS)
That's the best the team has played all season.
You trying to cheer me up?
Yeah.
ELIAS: God!
Suzanne, how could you? I'm shocked.
You're a highly regarded faculty member,
and personally I'm very disappointed. Uh-huh.
Phillip, what I do on my own time is none of your concern.
Well, I think... Would you excuse us please?
We're having a conversation here. Excuse me.
Conversations have words, not tongues.
Just let me handle this, okay?
ELIAS: No, no, let me handle it.
Are you going to jeopardize your career
over an affair with a student?
DRAPER: We're consenting adults.
So were Bonnie and Clyde.
What about ethical standards?
What about minding your own business?
Why don't you just tell him how we feel about each other?
Don't pressure me, okay? Look, this is bullshit.
Why don't you just tell him? Go and get a beer, butterfingers.
Can we not talk about this right now?
Why don't you just get lost. Fight! Fight!
God damn it, would you stay out of this?
Why don't you just tell him?
(SIGHING) Fine.
(SOFTLY) Paul.
You know, I was... All right. Oh!
That was easy.
(PLAYERS CLAMORING) Okay, everybody out!
Banks, Sarge, get out!
Lucy's got to shower, man. Get out!
Get out! Get out!
Come on. Lucy's got to shower.
Let's have some respect, man. Lucy's got to shower.
MANU: Come on, brothers.
(PLAYERS CLAMORING)
Get out of here, man. Do it.
Hurry up. Have some respect.
I can't believe you guys.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
This is silly.
I'm not going to go halfway across campus
just to take a shower.
I'm an Armadillo, just like the others.
You're an Armadillo,
but not like the others.
You're okay, Manu.
Would you do me the honor of allowing me
to escort you to Edison's party?
All right.
But just don't try to carry me in or anything.
Okay.
(WHISTLING)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT LAUGHTER)
Moet, sir?
McKenzie, what the hell is a moet?
It means, you want some more... Eh?
Brainiac. Fill them up, waiter.
Excuse me, guys.
Can everyone quiet down, please?
Uh, my father would like to say a few words.
(CHEERING)
Boys, you played a hell of a game
against a major college tonight.
(CHEERING)
And those jackets look great.
Now they're just a token
to show that the alumni appreciate what you're doing.
So wear them with pride.
Keep up the good work. We'll take care of you.
Stand up. Let's get a look at those jackets.
100% cashmere.
Come on, now. What the hell's going on here, guys? Come on.
Take those jackets off. Let's go.
Party's over, gentlemen. This Armadillo team
will not accept gifts from boosters.
That's how it starts...
Champagne, presents, cash.
Not this team. Let's go, leave the God damn jackets, come on.
Coach, this is a private party.
Now, how about coming and sitting down...
Hey, Dad, Dad, could you do me a favor?
Can you just, just butt out of this one?
Okay?
We'll talk about this later. Yeah.
GENNERO: All right, guys. Come on. Let's go.
Take it easy, Coach. They're just kids.
Yeah. I know that, Blake. That's why...
You know, I expected a little more from you.
Let's go, come on.
It's not about me.
It's not about them, either, although it should be.
They've been killing themselves out there.
Nah! This is about you trying to prove something
to the rest of the world.
(SCOFFS) Why don't you just relax
and let these guys feel good for five minutes?
No, I can't do that. And neither can you.
Now when are you get it through your head, Blake?
High school is over.
You wanna be a leader? You have to grow up.
Now what happened on that field out there tonight
doesn't change the rules. Rules?
You know what you can do with your fucking rules? What?
Come on. Knock it off! Knock it off!
Nobody's going to get hurt here.
RIG: Go on home.
That's a hell of a good idea, Coach.
In fact, I quit.
All right, guys, come on. Let's go.
Pack it up. Let's go.
Let's go, you guys. Come on.
Come on, guys.
You slap that righteous paintbrush around pretty wide, Ed.
No Wally, I did what I had to. No shit.
Well, they're my team, too, and they're good kids.
What do you do? You de-ball him in front of everybody.
You're wrong, Ed. You are wrong.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hey, how about a lift?
Where you headed?
Anywhere but here.
Huh? Let's go.
(ENGINE STARTING) Suit yourself.
You're on your own getting back.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
(MUSIC STOPS)
I hate that station. My dad owns it.
I don't ever want to see another building with his name on it.
Too bad you got midterms next week.
No, I don't.
What you think my dad's gonna do
when he finds out someone's going to flunk me, uh?
What are you talking about?
You have been keeping up okay, haven't you?
Yeah. I mean I got two cheerleaders doing my homework,
but I got to take the tests.
When he finds out that I didn't pass,
he'll just buy me another grade,
and you know what that could do to the team.
Look, if you're sick of your old man covering for you, that's fine.
You just gonna have to drag your butt back there
and work harder, that's all.
You can't just walk away.
Well, you did.
How did I wind up with Jiminy Cricket?
EDISON: Hey, hey, Paul, what are you doing?
I can't go back there. I've been cheating.
BLAKE: Relax. Maybe we'll both learn something.
EDISON: Paul, listen, this isn't going to work.
I've never passed anything on my own before.
The damn library's got your name on it.
It's about time you saw the inside of it.
Meet your new tutor. Hi, homey.
Andre?
Relax, Edison.
I've programmed some interactive software
that gonna accelerate your learning curve
by linking mnemonic memory aids
with visual motor cues. Guys I really don't know what to say about this.
Say good-bye to the daylight. (LAUGHING)
Just keep thinking, "The ball is my friend, the ball is my friend."
"Ball is my friend."
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Edison is studying with Andre.
We're going to have to practice without him.
You're not worried about Saturday?
If he doesn't pass his midterms, he's out.
And the rest of the team will do whatever it takes
to back him up.
If we pull together, I figure Saturday will take care of itself.
Take 'em out.
It's your team, son.
Go for it.
(WHISTLING)
(ALL CHEERING)
ELIAS: Excuse me.
Finished grading the exams already? Good.
Let me look them over. What for?
I don't question your judgment, Suzanne.
It's your integrity. What are you talking about?
You'd better decide how serious
your commitment to academics is.
Perhaps you've allowed your emotions to induce you
to give football players grades they didn't earn.
So I'm going to re-grade the exams objectively,
and when I'm finished, they're finished. N'est-ce pas?
Fine, Phillip. Take the exams. Good.
And if you change even one of those grades,
I'll call for an academic review,
and you can explain your interference to them.
Don't cross me, Suzanne.
Up yours, Phil.
She called me Phil.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
So, what did you get?
I got a "C."
Hey, you passed. All right!
(ALL CHEERING)
All right!
Hey, guys! Guys!
Basic losing...
Is over! Yeah!
Good job, bro.
Way to go, man.
You did it. You did good. Yes, I did.
Let me get my jacket. I'll see you at practice, all right?
(HUMMING)
(GASPS)
Oh! RIG: Ed, what is it?
What's the matter? You okay? What?
(PANTING) Your timing's perfect, Wally.
I don't feel so good. (PANTING)
(SIREN WAILING)
I never lost a game in high school.
Not one.
It was a great feeling.
I miss it.
I still dream about it.
I'd love to give those guys that feeling
just once.
I mean, they work so hard.
They don't deserve to go out losers.
Paul, you remember what you wrote about that first game?
How Gennero won just 'cause his team played?
(SCOFFS)
You've built something great here with these kids.
They'd lay down and die for you.
I don't want them to die.
I want them to win.
NURSE: Excuse me Dr. Miller, can I talk to you for a minute?
Ed, it's me.
Wally Riggendorf.
I know it's you. I'm not in a coma.
I brought these for you.
Oh, thank you. They're... They're lovely.
Just put them here, will you? (CLEARING THROAT)
I hope you don't mind
I had to charge them to your room.
I'm a little short this week.
Oh, I understand, Wally.
Would you sit down? I want to talk to you.
(SNIFFLING)
I'm here, Ed.
I'm here. You don't have to talk like I'm dying.
They're just running some tests.
They haven't found anything yet.
That's wonderful news.
I want you to have this, Wally.
Your playbook?
I don't know what to say.
I'll treasure it. Always.
I'm not bequeathing it to you.
I'm just loaning it to you.
You're coaching the team tonight.
Me? Nah. Come on. (SCOFFS)
I'm just defense.
No. You're ready, Wally. You've been ready for 20 years.
I just haven't told you.
To the kids, you're the team.
I'm just the guy who hollers and kicks ass.
They respect you, Wally.
You can't bullshit kids. They see right through it.
They know you're the real thing, and so do I.
You can do it, Wally.
Just be yourself.
Hmm.
The big whistle.
What the hell's the time? I've no idea.
Hey, Andre, what's up man?
Man, I don't know, but something's definitely ain't right
when coaches don't show up for a game.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(WHISTLING)
(GIGGLING) Nice suit.
Men, I've got some bad news for you.
You better sit down.
Down! Everybody. Down. What's the matter?
Down.
Coach Gennero is not going to be with us tonight.
He's had a slight heart attack.
Is he all right?
All I can tell you is that he's in the hospital.
But don't worry.
I'm head Coach now,
and I've got Gennero's playbook.
And I've got his whistle.
Now, I know that we're playing
the number one team in Texas,
and I don't want to put
any undue pressure on you guys...
But Gennero's last words were,
"Win...
"Or I'll die."
(CROWD CHEERING)
Who cares that they're the first-place team?
Look at them.
Well, look who it is.
I've been waiting for you.
All right, visiting captain, it's your call.
Let him call it.
All right, home captain, it's your call.
Heads.
It's tails.
REFEREE: Visiting team, you win the call.
What do you elect to do?
We'll receive. REFEREE: You'll receive.
Home team, which end will you defend?
Very well.
All right, let's shake hands and have a good, clean game.
NEIDERMAN: This Armadillo team is on a roll
after last week's non-loss.
They have the fans talking upset here.
It's no secret, there's a lot of bad blood
between these two teams.
You can feel the excitement in the air. In fact...
To accommodate all the fans,
the troughs in the men's concourse restrooms have been enlarged.
ALL: Oh-ah!
RIG: All right. Don't let anybody get outside now. Nobody!
Good luck, Coach. (LAUGHING)
Hey, I haven't seen you in a suit before.
You're looking good.
Thank you, President Purcell. Thank you very much.
(WHISTLING)
NEIDERMAN: Hawkins takes it on the 6.
He's got a lane.
Come on!
He's across midfield.
Where's the flag?
He's going. He's only got one man left to beat.
No!
He's in the end zone. (WHISTLING)
I'm waiting for a flag.
(CHEERING)
There's no flag. There should be.
That will put the Colts ahead, seven to nothing.
A 96-yard touchdown on the opening kickoff
could give the Colts a false sense of confidence
going into the second minute of play.
(CHEERING)
Flood left! Flood left!
Hurt somebody there.
I'm going to rip your fat head off, old man. All night.
Blue 32!
Set! Hut! Hut!
That's a blitz! Watch it!
(WHISTLING)
MAN: Way to go, flat-top! There you go, baby!
RIG: Number 55!
Throw a block at him!
I'm running over your ass, fat boy.
BLAKE: Green 25!
Set! Hut! Go on.
NEIDERMAN: That's the fourth sack on Blake tonight.
And the Colt fans are really eating it up.
(CHEERING)
Sit down. Sit down.
Put a lid on it.
I'm going to kill you.
You're mine!
Set!
Hut! Hut!
(GRUNTING)
Harlan "Flat-top" Meyers is turning this
into a personal grudge match against Blake.
KRIMM: We got him next time, man. We got him next time.
BLAKE: No sweat, guys. We'll get him on the next one.
(WHISTLING)
Hey, Ref, how about a flag on that?
Who was it, Flat-top again? MAN: Yeah.
Aw, hell.
Maybe we ought to think about
blocking him sometime tonight, huh?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Where do you think you're going?
None of your business, smokey.
Hey, back to the seats.
You've made a serious career mistake, my friend.
(CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
NEIDERMAN: Oh, what a disappointment.
The Colts get into the end zone
for their third touchdown.
MAN: Come on. Let's go.
MAN 2: Head for the side. Come on.
Ready.
(WHISTLING)
NEIDERMAN: The extra point makes it 21-nothing.
And the Armadillos head for the locker room
trailing by only three touchdowns.
We hope you stay with us for our halftime extravaganza,
as your Texas State marching band
presents their tribute to gun racks
and open beverage containers
which is only legal in Texas.
All right, guys, gather round.
Gather round. (CLAPPING)
(SIGHING)
So...
We're losing 21-0.
But you know something?
I think we got a shot at beating this team...
If, like Coach Gennero said,
we develop a cohesive offensive strategy.
Papke, my notes.
What coverage were they in here?
That's a double-double, Coach.
Double-double. It doesn't matter. McKenzie,
you're cutting off your outside route.
You cut inside for the dump-off, right?
And linemen... Linemen, come on, now.
You got to give Blake
at least four seconds to throw the God damn football.
Don't you? Yeah.
Now, let's analyze what's been working for us.
Not a God damn thing's been working for us!
Like this God damn suit doesn't work for me
and this stinking tie and this God damn shirt!
It doesn't work for me!
You know how to play winning hard-nosed football?
You play football like Ed Gennero played football!
A guy who gave his life for this football team.
He was a 140-pound halfback,
and he played like a God damn wild man.
No! Like a God damn rampaging beast!
And that's the way you got to do it!
You go tear their fucking heads off,
and you shit down their necks!
Let us pray.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
NEIDERMAN: The Armadillos have started to move the ball
here in the second half.
It's 4th down. Punting situation.
McKenzie's deep to kick the ball.
Set!
Hut!
NEIDERMAN: It's a fake punt.
Blake throws one hellacious block,
setting Edison free in the Colts' secondary.
He's got a wall of blockers now.
He's going all the way.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Touchdown! (WHISTLING)
He's in for 6.
All right!
(CROWD CHEERING)
I don't know what Coach Rig said at halftime,
but this Armadillo team is fired up.
Way to go! Lucy!
Lucy, get in there and kick that ball.
Go!
NEIDERMAN: And the press booth goes nuts
as Lucy kicks the extra point.
We're within three touchdowns of taking the lead now.
What is it, Doc? Is it bad?
Hiatal hernia. A rupture in the diaphragm
that puts pressure on the pulmonary cavity and causes angina.
Well, is it fatal?
Indigestion?
Only in Mexico.
NEIDERMAN: It's 3rd and long. A passing situation for the Colts.
(GRUNTING)
Big sack by Manumana the slender,
who does his "I'm going to go out and get some poi"
sack celebration dance.
And the 'Dillos will get the ball back
with four minutes left in the third quarter,
and a chance to get back into this game.
Brown right. 22 trap. Wait, man.
They've seen the game films.
They know you'll never go to me,
and I'm wide open. I'll catch it.
(ALL GRUMBLING)
Big play! Big play! Let's go!
Make it work.
RIG: Make it work.
The ball is my friend.
NEIDERMAN: Featherstone's off to the races.
Don't throw it to Stonehands!
NEIDERMAN: He's wide open, but that's nothing new.
(GRUNTING)
NEIDERMAN: Can he catch the ball?
He caught it! Oh, my God!
Featherstone caught the ball.
It's a touchdown!
It's 21-13.
(CROWD CHEERING)
All right, Stonehands!
Yeah! Whoo!
Carver, first of all, I want all the security guards here fired,
but never mind that now. I've brought the books.
I've re-graded the exams. I was strict but fair.
NEIDERMAN: Time ticking down here in the third quarter.
Armadillos have the ball again.
All right. Here we go.
Split right. 28 sweep on 2. Ready?
ALL: Break!
This University's made for people like us.
Not these guys, they don't belong here.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
It's for men like you and me in the first place.
Hiya, boys. Yah!
(WHISTLING)
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
By the way, you're fired.
ALL: Break!
This is you, baby, this is you!
MAN: Let's go!
You must show us some respect.
NEIDERMAN: It's a seesaw battle. Neither offense can move.
Colts driving now with the ball.
Armadillos better stop them.
(WHISTLING)
NEIDERMAN: Now, how could the ref call that?
It was a clean kick to the face mask.
That guy's going ape shit.
Come on! Come on!
Attababy!
Illegal contact.
Number 51.
Zenkutsu elbow thrust to the halfback.
Oi-wamatsu roundhouse lunge kick
to the quarterback.
Tekatami hand sword block to the...
Shit, never mind.
15 yards. 1St down.
It's late in the fourth quarter. Still 21-14.
But the Colts driving deep in Dilloville.
Got to have that ball.
RIG: God damn! Come on, get it!
Come and get it!
All right, baby! Come on, now!
Wally. Not now.
Hey baby, come on. Wally.
Come on. Ed!
Oh, it's Ed.
You're alive. It's a miracle.
It's not a miracle. It was indigestion.
Indigestion? Ed, they're killing us with the 37 slant.
I know, try the El Paso stunt on the weak side.
It'll cut off the run, open up Andre on the pass rush.
Indigestion. You son of a bitch.
Papke, send it in. Come on, try it, come on.
That's all right.
Come on. Let's go get the ball.
NEIDERMAN: Just 1:28 remaining.
It's goal line stand time for the 'Dillos.
Any kind of score here puts the game out of reach.
Boy, me and you going to par-tay.
Hut! (GRUNTING)
Andre Krimm breaks into the backfield.
The ball pops out. Fumble! Fumblelaya! Fumblerooskie!
Armadillos pile onto the ball.
They've got it! They've got it!
(WHISTLING)
They do have it!
Holy Columbus, Ohio!
Manumana the slender comes up with the fumble
after a big Andre Krimm hammered the ball loose.
The turnover gives the Dillos new life.
The 'Dillo offense takes over on their own 6-yard line.
Set. Blake lines them up.
Time's a factor with only a minute remaining.
Featherstone breaks loose. He could go all the way.
(GRUNTING)
Oh, he's tackled from behind at the 12.
Break those blocks! Execute!
Armadillos have the ball. First and 10 at the Colts' 12-yard line.
Whoo! (WHISTLING)
That rotten play! Don't run that again.
I'm coming after you, pal.
You're going to eat that ball.
NEIDERMAN: It's second down.
Hut.
Blake back to pass.
(GRUNTING)
(WHISTLING) Incomplete pass,
stopping the clock with just 19 seconds left.
Third down now. Blake has to pass again.
He gives it off to sargie.
(GRUNTING) (WHISTLING)
Oh! Incomplete pass!
Stopping the clock with 14 seconds left.
The Armadillos are so close,
but you can see the exhaustion taking its toll.
Three points, they're not gonna do it this time.
It's time to try your play, Wally.
Quarterback option? Are you nuts, Ed?
It's a gimmick play. It'll never work. You said so yourself.
Blake isn't through. He's got juice left.
Papke, send it in.
I'll be damned.
How many time-outs do we have? Three.
Can we take them all now?
Now, listen up.
BLAKE: You're hurt. You're tired. You're bleeding.
I'm going to make you a promise.
(EXHALING) We get in that end zone,
you're not gonna feel any pain.
You hear what I'm saying? All right.
BLAKE: Huh? Oh, yeah.
All right, here we go.
You split right.
Fake 28 sweep.
Rig's play. Right.
All right, let's do it.
On 2. Ready?
ALL: Break!
NEIDERMAN: It's fourth down. This is the last play of the game.
ALL: Defense!
Blue 32.
Set!
Hut! Hut!
NEIDERMAN: Blake pitches to Edison.
He's looking to pass.
He's got a man down the left sideline.
It's Blake!
It's a miracle!
(WHISTLING) Touchdown, Armadillos!
It's 21-20 with the extra point yet to come.
The Armadillos can tie the score by kicking the extra point.
On the other hand, they actually have a chance to win the game
if they go for the 2-point conversion. Let's see what they do.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Should we go for the tie or the win?
Ah! It's your call, Wally.
Hey Coach, we got people they are hurt.
Shit!
Lucy, Banks, Papke, get over here.
(CROWD CHEERING)
The Armadillos send in the kicking team.
Banks in for Wilkerson, Papke in for Roanoke.
Hey, maybe now's not the best time to make sure everyone is played.
Hey, I haven't played. I'm not out there.
I guess the Armadillos are going for the tie.
And what a tremendous moral victory
it would be to tie the number one Texas Colts.
I don't know Paul. I've never tried to block anybody before.
Papke. Papke.
I don't care how you do it man.
Tell him a story, spit in his ear, entertain him...
Just keep him off my ass. Okay.
Mr. Blake,
they'll never touch you.
NEIDERMAN: The Colts will come after the ball with everything they've got
to try and block this kick.
CROWD: (CHANTING) Block that kick! Block that kick!
NEIDERMAN: Blake takes the snap. Takes the ball.
No! He's up! It's a fake!
I can't believe it. They're going for the win.
(GRUNTING)
Featherstone's drawing double coverage.
Blake can't find anyone to throw to.
(GRUNTING)
There's an open man in the end zone.
It's Charlie Banks.
(GRUNTING)
(WHISTLING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
BLAKE: Set! Hut!
(GRUNTING)