1 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:17,560 ANNOUNCER: The honourable Allen D. and the former Mrs. Eastern. 2 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,690 The honourable William and Mrs. Breslau. 3 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:26,602 The honourable Nelson and Mrs. Winnie Mandela. 4 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:32,363 Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States and Mrs. Bush. 5 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,126 (BAND PLAYING HAIL TO THE CHIEF) 6 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,325 Here's everybody on the list, Barb. Everybody's here. 7 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,842 Hi, Peter. They let you out of the office early today. 8 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,884 Jack, glad you could make it. 9 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,527 Hi. Get rid of the beard. I don't like that, too liberal. 10 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,489 Hi, Frank. Trudy. 11 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:52,686 BARBARA: Ow! 12 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,965 Hi, Peter. Glad you could make it. I like your suit. 13 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,442 Everybody's here. Commissioner. 14 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,928 Thank you very much. Dr. Meinheimer, I'm glad you could make it, sir. 15 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,646 I'm looking forward to hearing your speech. 16 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:12,851 I'm sure it's a wonderful, well thought-out piece of work. 17 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,046 Ah, here she is. Dear. 18 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,324 Have you met Dr. Meinheimer formally? 19 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,890 Thank you. 20 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,688 AGENT: Great Lady down! Repeat, Great Lady down! 21 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:32,009 - What happened? - Easy, watch the table! 22 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,526 Wait. 23 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,527 - How are you, dear? - I'm okay, I'm fine. 24 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,841 Good. 25 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,922 Please be seated. 26 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,249 Welcome. I'm glad you could all come. 27 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:52,082 I'm pleased that we have so many distinguished guests tonight. 28 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,527 This week we are celebrating 29 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,888 Law Enforcement Week all across the country. 30 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,890 So I'd like to turn the proceedings over 31 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,566 to our own Washington D.C. Police Commissioner, 32 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:07,201 Captain Anabell Brumford. 33 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,523 I would like to introduce a most distinguished American. 34 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:17,289 This week he is being honoured for his 1,000th drug dealer killed. 35 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:22,480 Please welcome Lieutenant Frank Drebin of Police Squad. 36 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,721 (ALL APPLAUDING) 37 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,850 In all honesty, the last two I backed over with my car. 38 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,770 - (ALL EXCLAIMING) - Luckily, they were drug dealers. 39 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,247 WOMAN: Good. MAN: Excellent! 40 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,765 Ah, thank you, Commissioner Brumford. 41 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,805 Now I'd like to call on my Chief of Staff, Mr. John Sununu, 42 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,486 to introduce some special guests. 43 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,844 Thank you. Mr. President, tonight I am extremely proud to welcome 44 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,163 our guests from the nation's energy suppliers. 45 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,322 First, representing the oil industry, 46 00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:00,002 head of the Society of Petroleum Industry Leaders, better known as SPIL, 47 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,003 Mr. Terence Baggett. 48 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,081 (ALL APPLAUDING) 49 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,449 From the coal industry, Chairman of the Society for More Coal Energy, 50 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,604 or SMOKE, Mr. Donald Fenzwick. 51 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,011 Thank you. 52 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,929 JOHN: From the nuclear industry, 53 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:18,642 President of the Key Atomic Benefits Office Of Mankind, KABOOM, 54 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,401 - Mr. Arthur Dunwell. - (ALL APPLAUDING) 55 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,006 As you know, for the past three years, 56 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:28,364 this administration has been trying to formulate a National Energy Policy 57 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,683 that will have a lasting impact on the way we live 58 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,007 for the next decade and beyond. 59 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,243 To make sure that we choose the right path, 60 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:42,042 the President has appointed as his top advisor in this area, 61 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,691 Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 62 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,206 As I'm sure you're aware, his reputation in this field is without peer, 63 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,807 and Dr. Meinheimer will present his recommendations 64 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,281 to the Annual National Press Club Dinner this Tuesday evening. 65 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,731 (ANABELL SCREAMING) 66 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,325 (GUESTS MURMURING) 67 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,570 Mr. President. 68 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,570 I want all of you here to be the first to know 69 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:13,721 (MUNCHING) 70 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:19,409 that I've decided to base my administration's entire energy policy 71 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,251 on Dr. Meinheimer's recommendations. 72 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,888 This issue is too important to be left to politicians or special interests to decide. 73 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:32,848 We need an independent and informed source on which to base future actions, 74 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:37,005 and Dr. Meinheimer is the recognised expert in this field. 75 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:42,001 Mr. President, if I may say so, 76 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:46,444 I do hope that Dr. Meinheimer won't be influenced... 77 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,361 Influenced by any of the so-called environmental groups. 78 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,370 Well, we're all aware of Dr. Meinheimer's reputation. 79 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,331 He is best qualified to explain his research methods. 80 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,805 - (FRANK GRUNTING) - BARBARA: Ow! 81 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,803 - Dr. Meinheimer... - AGENT: Great Lady down again. 82 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,321 (SIREN WAILING) 83 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,288 (CROWD CHEERING) 84 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,005 (LAUGHING) Whoo! 85 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,484 (ALL SHOUTING) 86 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,606 (LAUGHING) 87 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,526 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 88 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,001 (SCREAMING) 89 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:23,966 (WOMAN YELLING) 90 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,849 (DOCTOR YELLING) 91 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,531 (SIREN WAILING) 92 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,085 Ah! This happens every fucking time when I go shopping! 93 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,409 - Jane... - Oh, Dr. Meinheimer. 94 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,366 You're back early. 95 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,284 And you're here late. 96 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,488 Surely, a lovely woman like you 97 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,285 can think of something better to do on a Saturday night? 98 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,445 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt. 99 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,450 It's all right, Doctor. It's okay. 100 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,604 You're thinking about him again, aren't you? What was his name? 101 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,531 - Frank? - Yes. (SNIFFLING) 102 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,847 You just can't forget about him? 103 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,560 - Who? - Frank. 104 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,526 Oh, yes! 105 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,486 No, I can't. I... I try. 106 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:25,202 It's just that when you've had that much man... 107 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:29,081 But then, you wouldn't understand. 108 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,000 (CLEARING THROAT) 109 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,290 Jane, you mustn't be so hard on yourself. 110 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,684 You've done a wonderful job here at the Institute. 111 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,162 You're the finest Director of Public Relations we've ever had. 112 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,331 Thank you, Doctor, I try my best. 113 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,281 But I see you here night after night past 10:00. 114 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:56,442 You must forget about the past. Go out, see new people, enjoy yourself. 115 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,211 There is someone I'm seeing, in fact just yesterday. 116 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,851 I was telling him about the speech that you were preparing for the press... 117 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,402 - Good evening. - BOTH: Hello, Norm. 118 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,409 I forgot. How was the White House dinner? 119 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:14,327 Extraordinary. The President promised to implement my recommendations. 120 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,324 Wonderful! Then you're going to deliver the speech you told me about? 121 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,447 (BOMB TICKING) 122 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,330 Every word of it. I would've given it tonight, 123 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:25,166 but a guest there made such a ruckus that they wouldn't have heard me. 124 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,611 Hey, AI! Ken! Look at this. 125 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,485 I found this in the waste-basket. 126 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,449 (BOMB TICKING) 127 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,967 Hey, that's a pretty nice clock! 128 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,169 I wonder why they threw it out. 129 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:45,888 It's probably because it's four minutes too slow. Let me fix it. 130 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,684 - There. - (ALARM RINGING) 131 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,881 My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. 132 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,649 I was getting my car washed when I heard the call come over the scanner. 133 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,850 There had been a bombing and I was on my way to advise the D.C. Police 134 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,766 as part of the President's "Operation Scum Roundup". 135 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,249 MAN 1: Ready? MAN 2: Yeah, got it. 136 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,044 FRANK: As far as police work is concerned, 137 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,804 once in a while something comes up 138 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,611 that nothing quite prepares you for. 139 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,810 Somehow, a demented madman, probably full of self-hate, 140 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:29,886 and possibly a couple of months behind in his rent, finally snapped. 141 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:35,242 - I'm glad you could make it. - I got here as quickly as I could. 142 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,369 Oh! Congratulations, I understand that Edna's pregnant again. 143 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,920 - Yes, and if I catch the guy who did it... - Captain. 144 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,240 They've searched the building. 145 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,051 No sign of a break-in, no money missing. 146 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,646 This was one hell of an explosion. 147 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,121 We're still trying to figure out what they used. 148 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,131 - Any other victims? - You're standing on one right now. 149 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,846 - Oh, I see... - Get him out of here. 150 00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:02,247 - Oh! This one's a real mess. - Over here, Frank found another one. 151 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,881 - Any witnesses, Ed? - Well, there's one. A woman. 152 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,930 She saw a man leaving just before the explosion. 153 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,125 - We should let Nordberg handle it. - No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh. 154 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,680 Not now. She fainted dead away. 155 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,321 She took a knock on the head. She looks pretty bad. 156 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,289 - I'll handle it. - Sir... 157 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,922 - Miss, I'd like to ask some questions. - Not that bad. 158 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,408 She's being questioned by our sketch artist. 159 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,450 (INAUDIBLE) 160 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,682 FRANK: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. 161 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,886 But there she was, just like I remembered her. 162 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,930 That delicately beautiful face 163 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,850 and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. 164 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,562 And breasts that seem to say, "Hey, look at these!" 165 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,606 She made you drop to your knees 166 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:05,288 and thank God that you were a man. Yeah... 167 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:10,641 She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it. 168 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:16,121 Snap out of it. You're looking at her like she was your mother. 169 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:28,362 - Frank. - Jane. I didn't know you lived here. 170 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,244 I moved here two years ago. 171 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:37,167 - How are the children? - We didn't have any children. 172 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,083 Yes, of course. 173 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,723 - How was your prostate operation? - Fine. As good as new. 174 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,366 In fact, better than ever. 175 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,169 Look, Frank... 176 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,729 I know it's awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you? 177 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,087 Obsessed? Who's obsessed? 178 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,767 Because you backed out of the wedding two years ago? I'd forgotten. 179 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,724 Ancient history, like the Democratic Party. 180 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,565 He was in tears. In church, crying like a baby. 181 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,530 - Get a hold of yourself! - I had to return 13 Cuisinarts. 182 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,967 - That's enough. - I kept the salad shooter, though. 183 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,889 MEINHEIMER: Jane, there you are. 184 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,843 Hello, Jane. 185 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,606 Dr. Meinheimer. Frank, this is Dr. Albert Meinheimer. 186 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,247 - Don't get up. Nice to meet you. - Likewise, I'm sure. 187 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,211 I believe we met at the White House dinner. 188 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,922 He never forgets a face. He has a photographic memory. 189 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,085 It's a terrible thing that's happened. I hope you find the people responsible. 190 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:35,330 I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, but we have a long road ahead of us. 191 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:40,002 It's like sex, a painstaking task that seems to go on and on forever, 192 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,806 and when you think that things are going your way, nothing happens. 193 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:48,443 Jane, about this man you saw last night... Anything can help. 194 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,603 I gave the sketch artist a description. 195 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,806 Eh... Ed! That'll be all, McTigue. 196 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,290 We should get that other artist. The one that never dates and lives with two guys. 197 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,244 Right. Sorenson! 198 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,331 I'd like to see the rest of the Institute, if you don't mind? 199 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,011 Of course. We should start with the research area. 200 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,249 That's a good idea. It's right this way. 201 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,970 What can you tell me about the man you saw last night? 202 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,486 - He's Caucasian. - Caucasian? 203 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,929 Yeah. You know, white guy. With a moustache, about 6'3". 204 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,731 An awfully big moustache. What's this all about? 205 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,286 JANE: This is our research laboratory. 206 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,289 There are hundreds of experiments going on, 207 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,409 all temperature-controlled by the machinery just below us. 208 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:44,042 Our scientists have spent years on them and are just now making breakthroughs. 209 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,726 MEINHEIMER: Today, we'll join two compounds... 210 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,046 (ALARM BLARING) 211 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,885 MAN: Oh, my God! 212 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,368 Thank heavens the bomb didn't damage the research area. 213 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,689 Yes, but I can't understand who'd do such a thing. 214 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,690 Jane, I think you ought to know something. 215 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,047 - Jane, darling! - Quentin! 216 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,205 Jane, are you all right? I was so worried about you. 217 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,201 I'm really okay, but I'm glad you're here. 218 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,561 Oh, I'm sorry! 219 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,803 Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of the Hexagon Oil Company. 220 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,487 - Pleased to meet you, Mr... - Drebin. Frank Drebin. 221 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,086 I believe I've used some of your restrooms. 222 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,570 I'm sure you have. 223 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,566 - Are you connected with the Institute? - Not officially. 224 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,526 But Jane and I have seen quite a lot of each other lately. 225 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,848 - How is my little hell-cat? - Oh! 226 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,923 Well, that's great. I've been dating, too. Nice girl, an author. 227 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,368 Wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it. 228 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,602 - I beg your pardon? - Please... 229 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,366 I'm sure we can handle the situation maturely, 230 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,841 just like the responsible adults that we are. 231 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,970 Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants? 232 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,969 - That does it! - Frank! 233 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,004 Quentin, maybe you should excuse us. 234 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:07,283 Anything you wish, my darling. 235 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,600 Until tonight, then... 236 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:36,649 (SINGING) I'm feeling blue 237 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:43,567 Just thinking of you 238 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:47,645 I get out of bed 239 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:54,166 Wish I was dead 240 00:17:54,320 --> 00:18:00,168 And I hope you do, too 241 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:07,609 So I've given up I've thrown in the towel 242 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,726 I've taken all the pills 243 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:17,370 The law will allow 244 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,644 And so I'm feeling blue 245 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,721 Sir? 246 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,043 Give me the strongest thing you've got. 247 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:34,326 - On second thought, a Black Russian. - Very well, sir. 248 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:39,048 I guess I'm just 249 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:45,205 Screwed 250 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:48,045 Frank. I thought I'd find you here. 251 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,682 Ed, sit down. Pull up a memory or two. 252 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,724 You left before I could talk to you. 253 00:18:54,880 --> 00:19:00,603 Is it just my imagination or is the whole world crazy? 254 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,281 No, it's just a small percentage of the population, Frank. 255 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:10,726 I hope you're right. It's just that I don't know if I fit in any more. 256 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,482 You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you? 257 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,480 She's part of my life, Ed. Always will be. 258 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,849 I think about her constantly. But it's done. 259 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,449 When she said, "Get out of my life forever, " I knew it was over. 260 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,684 Sometimes I think about you and Edna, and I envy you, 261 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:35,483 because you've had the same person every day for over 30 years. 262 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,088 You wake up with her, eat with her, sleep with her... 263 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,731 You make love to the same woman. 264 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:47,201 You spend every possible waking moment together, 265 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:52,571 while I'm out with 20-year-olds who just want to have fun and cheap sex. 266 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,450 Girls who can't say no, who can't get enough. 267 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:59,002 "More, more, more! It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs." 268 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,445 (ED GAGGING) 269 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,724 I just want to love, Ed. 270 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,967 I'm sure you'll find love. 271 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,287 - I already have one. - It's from the lady. 272 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,450 Go to her, Frank. Go on! 273 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,491 I'll see you in the morning. 274 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,325 - Excuse me. - Pardon me. 275 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,165 Sorry. 276 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,641 This isn't easy to say. 277 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,923 I'm lonely, I'm lost. I need someone to hold, to love. 278 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,001 Frank! 279 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,007 Over here. 280 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,251 Well... 281 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,369 - What are you doing here? - I called your hotel, got no answer. 282 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:03,526 Then I tried the station house. I thought maybe you'd be here. 283 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:08,243 - Good evening, Sam. - Mr. Drebin. Jane. 284 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,523 Always nice to see nice people. 285 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:16,288 Sam, play our song. Just one more time. 286 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,761 SAM: Of course. 287 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,809 (IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Ding dong, the witch is dead 288 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,804 Which old witch? The wicked witch... 289 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,881 Sam. That's enough. Play the other one, please. 290 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,121 You can't let old hurts die, can you? 291 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,726 You walk out of my life, no explanation... 292 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,964 - Didn't you get the letters? - Every one of them. 293 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,884 I didn't open them. I tore them up and threw them in the fire. 294 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:48,046 So you didn't get the cheque for $75,000 that your uncle left you in his will? 295 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,441 Why are you here? 296 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,086 I remembered something about the crime. 297 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,891 Outside the window, I saw a red van parked across the street. 298 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,484 Red van? Thank you, that'll be very helpful. 299 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,562 You've said your piece, you can go now, right? 300 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,971 That's not my only reason for being here. 301 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,408 - I want us to be friends. - Sure, friends... 302 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,484 I bet if I dusted you for prints, they'd be your lover Quentin's. 303 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,928 Oh! You... 304 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:17,283 I see a certain kitten still knows how to scratch. 305 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,806 (JANE GRUNTS) 306 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,283 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. 307 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:34,920 We're no good together. All you ever lived for was police work. 308 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,845 You were always busy saving the "end zone" layer. 309 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,602 Ozone layer! (SIGHS) Frank, you never tried to understand. 310 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,963 How can you say that, 311 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:48,449 when I sank every penny into buying 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. 312 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,643 Then I had it slashed so we could build our dream house. 313 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,007 Frank! How could you be so insensitive? 314 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:58,205 Insensitive? You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? 315 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,850 You try it sometime. 316 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,129 (SIGHS) I'd better go. This was a mistake. 317 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,564 I don't know why I came here. I was hoping that you'd have someone. 318 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,086 I'm single. I love being single! 319 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,643 I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader! 320 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:25,482 I mean, at the time, I was dating a lot. 321 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,170 (CLAMOURING) 322 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,887 I told you the bombing wouldn't work. 323 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:39,924 We had no choice. 324 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,286 Look at this headline. 325 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,842 DONALD: "President to give Meinheimer blank cheque at Press Club Dinner." 326 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,167 That speech is in two days. 327 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,248 - Don't you think I know that? - We all know that. 328 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,287 (ALL CLAMOURING) 329 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,681 Gentlemen, gentlemen... 330 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,368 I know that you're all worried, and I agree. 331 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,365 There's plenty to be worried about. 332 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,284 Like this solar power plant, 333 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,364 already operational outside Los Angeles. 334 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,608 Photovoltaic cells. 335 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:13,731 They convert sunlight directly into electricity. 336 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,010 Fluorescents. Last 10 times as long as a conventional light-bulb. 337 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,288 Uses only a quarter of the power. 338 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:25,241 Superwindows. They insulate as well as 10 sheets of glass. 339 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:30,406 An electric car, partially powered by solar panels. 340 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,330 But the truth is, gentlemen, 341 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,047 that I'm not worried about any of these things. 342 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,571 Because no one is ever going to know about them. 343 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:46,248 - What about Meinheimer and his report? - He's going to tell the President. 344 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,927 Good question. Why don't we just ask him? 345 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,565 - MAN: That's kidnapping! - Good heavens! 346 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,649 What about his speech on Tuesday? 347 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,203 Dr. Meinheimer will deliver his speech. 348 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:05,923 It is my view that we must rely on coal, oil and nuclear energy. 349 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,651 Our Dr. Meinheimer. 350 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,209 - Oh, my God! - MAN: That's incredible! 351 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:16,763 Meet Earl Hacker, former arts consultant to Jesse Helms. 352 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:17,841 ALL: Hmm. 353 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:23,802 As I explained to Mr. Hapsburg, my fee is $1 million, 354 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:28,687 and, might I add, I'm worth every penny of it. 355 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,446 But you gentlemen don't have any choice. 356 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,124 Do you? 357 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,242 (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) 358 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:50,209 FRANK: After a good night's sleep, I headed back to police headquarters. 359 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,284 I figured that if I buried myself in police work, 360 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,409 I could forget about Jane and maybe in the process 361 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,966 catch a vicious killer before he struck again. 362 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,086 So far we had few clues and no real leads. 363 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,050 I was hoping that the lab boys had come up with something. 364 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,724 MAN: Shut it off! 365 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:08,926 And now one of you pays. 366 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,288 - Take it easy. - Say your prayers. 367 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,649 - Nice work. - What? 368 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,168 Can you show us the results from the Research Institute? 369 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,284 We weren't able to get any clean fingerprints, 370 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,643 but we did find footprints outside the Institute. 371 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,685 We made plaster casts of them. A size 91/2 D. 372 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,963 We're running a trace on it. But more interesting, 373 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,010 we also found this dinosaur footprint. 374 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:39,205 - A major find from the Palaeolithic era. - Anything else? 375 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:44,730 Yes, 20 feet down we discovered ancient timbers from Noah's Ark. 376 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,604 About the case... 377 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,048 I'll be leaving for Boston tomorrow where I'll deliver a major address 378 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,884 to the American Archaeological Society. 379 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,680 And I'm booked on Geraldo next week. 380 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,485 You're going on Geraldo because of this? 381 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,084 No, my wife is a transsexual Satan worshipper. 382 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,124 Meanwhile, we'll be continuing fingerprint analysis, 383 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,767 fibre checks, DNA breakdown and hair samples. 384 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,282 Then, using the microscopic dirt particles on this footprint, 385 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,210 we'll get a geological breakdown of the entire city. 386 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,961 We may not have that kind of time. 387 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:18,690 Then maybe this will help. 388 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,526 We found this wallet on the kerb outside the Institute. 389 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:28,806 We haven't examined it thoroughly. It just came down from the lab. 390 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:34,924 "Hector Savage". From Detroit. I remember this pug. 391 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,964 Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago. 392 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,249 Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis. 393 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,609 I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once, in Cincinnati. 394 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,160 No, that's Kid New York. He fought out of Philly. 395 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,688 He was killed in the ring in Houston by Tex Colorado. 396 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,804 - The Arizona Assassin. - Yeah, from Dakota. 397 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,048 - Was it North or South? - North. 398 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,084 South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia. 399 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,362 You sure know your boxing. 400 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,444 All I know is, never bet on the white guy. 401 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:08,526 - You've got an address? - The card says, "Monique De Carlo". 402 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,171 "210 Bleckman Street." 403 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:16,128 That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there. 404 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,402 Sex, Frank? 405 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,525 No, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do. 406 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:31,000 FRANK: The address we had for De Carlo was in the city's Little Italy. 407 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:35,682 We went there, hoping it would lead us to Hector Savage 408 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,930 and lead us to a clue that would break the case wide open. 409 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,325 That's the cops. You've got to get rid of them. 410 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,721 All right, I'll handle it. Quick, hide in the basement. 411 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,330 You'll be safe down there. 412 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,481 (SCREAMING) 413 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,128 - Ed. - Frank. 414 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,043 - Red van. - Yes, I know. 415 00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,406 Jane said that she saw a red van 416 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,960 outside the Institute before the explosion. 417 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,601 - Oh! Let's take him down. - No, he's not working alone. 418 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,090 - Bug the van. See where it goes. - ED: Good thinking. 419 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,766 - Nordberg! - No problem. 420 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,971 Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad. This is my Captain, Ed Hocken. 421 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:23,085 - Is this some kind of bust? - It's very impressive, yes... 422 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,209 But we need to ask you a few questions. 423 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:38,404 Listen. We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he? 424 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,608 Why should I tell you? 425 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,604 Because I'm the last line of defence between sleaze like this 426 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,490 and the decent people in this town. 427 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:53,205 Hi, Frank. We got that D-83 Swedish Sure-Grip Suck Machine you ordered. 428 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,130 It's a gift. 429 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:58,126 (ENGINE REVVING) 430 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,681 (ENGINE STOPS) 431 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,564 (NORDBERG GRUNTING) 432 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,125 (BEEPING) 433 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,369 Frank, come here. Quick! 434 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,204 It's Savage. He's on the move. 435 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,327 NORDBERG: What? Hey! 436 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,405 Hey! Stop, stop! I'm a police officer! 437 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,087 FRANK: Let's go. But remember, we can't let him spot us. 438 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,889 NORDBERG: Pull over! 439 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,931 Nordberg's bugging device is right on the money. 440 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,446 NORDBERG: I'm not kidding! Stop! 441 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,483 Shit! 442 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,086 He's changing direction. Stop the car. 443 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,928 NORDBERG: (SCREAMING) Oh, no! 444 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,845 - He's getting closer. - We should see him any minute. 445 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,331 Keep your eyes peeled. 446 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,851 NORDBERG: Oh, no! 447 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,200 (SCREAMING) 448 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,282 Look, he's real close now. 449 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,522 Step on it! 450 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,770 NORDBERG: Help! Stop, stop! 451 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:13,644 (YELLING) 452 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:14,761 (GASPING) 453 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,531 Ooh! 454 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:19,811 (SCREAMING) 455 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,925 (SCREAMING) 456 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,048 NORDBERG: Frank, stop! 457 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:34,523 Stop right now! I've had it! I said stop! 458 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,645 (NORDBERG SCREAMING) 459 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:38,721 Whoa! 460 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,644 NORDBERG: Oh, no! 461 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:46,928 NORDBERG: Help! 462 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,571 (HORN SOUNDING RHYTHMICALLY) 463 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,768 Drebin, Police Squad. What do we have? 464 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,481 It's a tense situation. Savage is holed up in that house. 465 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:58,400 - Says he's got hostages. - He could be bluffing. Anything else? 466 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:04,323 Yeah. That red van is registered to one Quentin Hapsburg. 467 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,287 Well, it looks like the cows have come home to roost. 468 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,522 How are you doing, trooper? 469 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,042 Hey, stop firing! 470 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,851 Hold it! Stop firing! 471 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:30,446 Stop firing! Stop firing! 472 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,647 All right, give me the bullhorn. 473 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,166 This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. 474 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:41,370 Throw down your guns and come out with your hands up, 475 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:46,004 or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever you want. 476 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,447 Remember the two key elements. 477 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:52,804 One, guns to be thrown down. Two, come on out. 478 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:58,211 You just try and take me, Drebin! I've got more if you want them, copper! 479 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,887 - Looks like he's holding all the cards. - Not all the cards. 480 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,326 SAVAGE: How about it? 481 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,364 You can't drive that tank! You're not checked-out on it! 482 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,603 Don't worry, Ed! Just keep him busy. 483 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,846 All right, what do you want? 484 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,931 I want a car out front. Something fun. A Porsche. 485 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,842 Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. 486 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,729 No touristy place. 487 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,891 Something indicative of the people and their culture. 488 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,521 We can't do that. We're calling your bluff. 489 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,564 Now put your hands on top of your head and come out. 490 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,401 We've got you surrounded front and... Hey! 491 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:37,481 (GASPING) 492 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:42,566 Frank, what are you doing? Where are you going? Frank! 493 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:57,605 (DOG YELPING) 494 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:04,731 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 495 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,767 (GIRAFFE SQUEALING) 496 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,002 (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) 497 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:13,925 (TANK HALTS) 498 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:20,811 (GRUNTING) 499 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,484 NORDBERG: Frank! Help! 500 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,170 (NORDBERG SCREAMING) 501 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,324 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) 502 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:36,406 (GIRAFFE SQUEALING) 503 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,811 - Your coat, sir? - Yes, it is. 504 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,850 And I have a receipt to prove it. 505 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,131 - Telephone call, Commissioner. - Thank you. 506 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,686 Excuse me. 507 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,210 Yes? 508 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,925 He did what? 509 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,527 How many animals escaped? Oh, my God! 510 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:09,685 Good evening, Commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight. 511 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,722 Do you realise that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons? 512 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,043 Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? 513 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,842 Excuse me. 514 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:31,243 Thank you all for attending this event in honour of Dr. Meinheimer, 515 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:35,206 who tomorrow will make his historic address. 516 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:44,487 Along with the President, I pledge to support his recommendations, 517 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,410 whatever they may be. 518 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:57,244 And now, please enjoy the evening. 519 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,166 I'll see you later. 520 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,169 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 521 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,808 - May I cut in? - Frank! 522 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,611 - What are you doing here? - I enjoy a good party. 523 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:22,691 - Why are you really here? - I can sum that up in three words, 524 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:27,561 "Quentin Hapsburg." I never liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. 525 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,490 The man is as dirty as a coalminer's underwear in January. 526 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:34,360 What's gotten into you? He's a kind, gentle, concerned man, 527 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:38,246 who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know. 528 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,890 Oh, yeah? 529 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,806 Ask him what his connection is with the van you saw the night of the explosion. 530 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:46,210 I don't know what you're talking about. 531 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,410 Ask him if he's pals with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage. 532 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,489 Stop it! You're just jealous because another man can give me 533 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,120 the understanding that you never could. 534 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:02,043 I just hope Quentin is watching right now, because he'll be jealous. 535 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,886 And a jealous man always makes the wrong move. 536 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,291 I'm counting on that! 537 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,051 (MUSIC TEMPO ACCELERATES) 538 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,490 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 539 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,889 (INAUDIBLE) 540 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:50,611 Mr. Drebin, Mr. Hapsburg would like you to join him at his table. 541 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:03,207 - Solitaire is a lonely man's game. - Lieutenant! 542 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:08,366 I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list. 543 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,001 Nothing to be embarrassed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name. 544 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,611 Nice party. I see a lot of familiar face-lifts. 545 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:25,687 - Do you gamble, Lieutenant? - Every time I order out. 546 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,802 Que sera, sera... 547 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,720 - You do speak French, don't you? - Unfortunately, no. 548 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,081 But I do kiss that way. 549 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,651 Excuse me! You happen to be standing in my place. 550 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,366 Dr. Meinheimer, you remember Frank? 551 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,731 (STAMMERING) 552 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,367 - Mister, um... - Drebin, from Police Squad. 553 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:52,606 - You met him at the Institute. - Yes, of course! Do sit down. 554 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,240 Thank you, I don't intend to stay. 555 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,603 Let's play another game. Who's this? 556 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,447 - I wouldn't know. - He's been a bad boy. 557 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:08,844 He blew up a building and is driving a van registered in your name. 558 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:13,768 We own lots of vans. One of them was stolen three days ago. 559 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,161 Look, Lieutenant, I have nothing to hide. 560 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,402 Maybe, but I'm warning you. 561 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,610 If you so much as sneeze, I'll be there to wipe your nose. 562 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,444 (TRUMPETS BLOWING) 563 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:27,650 (GUESTS APPLAUDING) 564 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:33,771 Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the first door prize of the evening, 565 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:38,324 an all-expense-paid trip to the Gilligan Islands. 566 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:39,845 ALL: Ooh! 567 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:45,484 And to draw the first winner, we would like to ask our guest of honour, 568 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,848 Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 569 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,881 - Let me help you. - That won't be necessary. 570 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,246 No. No trouble at all. 571 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,641 I don't understand what's gotten into Frank. 572 00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:01,008 I'm afraid it's merely a case of jealousy, my dear. 573 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,483 MEINHEIMER: You're going to wear all my gears down. 574 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,040 We shouldn't push it like this. 575 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:08,081 (SCREAMING) 576 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,481 (GASPS) 577 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,923 (YELLING) 578 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,001 (GASPING) 579 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,169 (WHEELS SCREECHING) 580 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,690 (YELLING) 581 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,726 - He gets around marvellously. - He does. 582 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,046 (CRASHING) 583 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:02,971 (CAT PURRING) 584 00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:05,800 (DOG YELPING) 585 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,408 (GRUNTING) 586 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:57,841 (DOORBELL RINGS) 587 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,365 (ANIMALS CLAMOURING) 588 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:00,771 (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) 589 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,050 - Frank? - Jane. 590 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:08,210 I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about what happened tonight. 591 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:12,365 - Oh, Frank. - I need to talk to you. May I come in? 592 00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:16,481 Okay, but the place is kind of a mess. 593 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,689 I was about to make a protein shake. Do you want some? 594 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,206 No, thank you. 595 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:26,086 Are you sure? I'm trying out a new recipe tonight. 596 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:30,280 Do you know what Dr. Meinheimer will say at the dinner tomorrow? 597 00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:35,486 Yes, he'll endorse energy efficiency and renewable energy like solar power. 598 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,562 - Who else knew that? - Only me. 599 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,483 (ECHOING) And I told Quentin. 600 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:44,202 And if the President adopts a policy of supporting efficiency and solar energy, 601 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,850 who would be the biggest losers? 602 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,129 JANE: (ECHOING) Coal, oil and nuclear. 603 00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:50,531 (JANE KNOCKING ON DOOR) 604 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,810 - Frank! Frank! - Just one more question. 605 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,043 You told me that Dr. Meinheimer had a photographic memory, 606 00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:02,085 yet tonight he never recalled meeting me. 607 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,647 That's strange, but he has been under a lot of stress lately. 608 00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:09,361 Does he have any identifying marks? A scar, a mole, a tattoo, 609 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:13,243 webbed toes or a third nostril? 610 00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,769 He has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's Motheron his right buttock. 611 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:23,011 I see... Have you noticed anything different about him? 612 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:28,606 Only that he is a foot taller and seems to be left-handed now. 613 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,361 Frank! What are you trying to tell me? 614 00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,927 That Quentin has found a double for Dr. Meinheimer 615 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,049 and that he will give a fraudulent report to the President? 616 00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:42,247 That's brilliant. That's a lot better than what I had come up with. 617 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:46,604 Stop it, this is preposterous! Is there no end to your jealousy? 618 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:49,041 - Jane, you're hurting me. - (SIGHS) 619 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,966 - What more do you want from me? - Can I use your phone? 620 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,485 - Local call? - Yes. 621 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:58,009 All right. If you'll excuse me, I have to take my shower. 622 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:03,041 The phone is in the other room. You can let yourself out. Goodbye. 623 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,923 (PIG SQUEALING) 624 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,484 Give me Captain Ed Hocken, please. 625 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:35,562 Ed, I'm onto something big. I'll need you and Nordberg tomorrow. 626 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,246 What is he doing in Detroit? 627 00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,121 Send him the plane fare and a new pair of pants. 628 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,048 (HUMMING) 629 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:36,124 JANE: (SINGING) Of the way we were 630 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,563 Memories 631 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:44,722 Like the colours of my mind 632 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:49,681 Misty water-coloured memories 633 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:55,045 Of the way we were 634 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,808 Scattered pictures 635 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:04,329 Of the smiles we left behind 636 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:11,401 - Smiles we gave to one another - (HUMMING) 637 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:15,366 BOTH: Of the way we were 638 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:20,323 Can it be that it was all so simple then 639 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,962 - Or has time rewritten... - (JANE SCREAMING) 640 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:27,883 Frank! 641 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:31,925 (BOTH GRUNTING) 642 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,007 (GASPING) 643 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,491 Mmm. 644 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:46,925 (GRUNTING) 645 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:55,890 (FRANK GROANING) 646 00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,524 (MUFFLED SCREAMS) 647 00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:09,480 (PIG GRUNTING) 648 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,490 Just as I suspected. 649 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,648 Come on, on your feet. 650 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:56,885 Jane... 651 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,928 What happened to the water pressure? 652 00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:01,561 Jane! 653 00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:05,970 Frank! 654 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,211 I was so frightened! 655 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,402 - (EXPLOSION) - (SCREAMS) 656 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:14,007 - What happened out there? - It's nothing to worry about. 657 00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:18,205 But if I were you, I wouldn't leave until they shampoo the carpets. 658 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:23,281 - Who would want to kill you? - Before tonight, only the cable company. 659 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:28,844 Now I'm afraid it's one of Hapsburg's goons. He was carrying this. 660 00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:30,849 (READING) 661 00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:36,090 Oh, Frank! I feel like such a fool. 662 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,840 - I should never have doubted you. - There, there... 663 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:45,404 You couldn't know that the man you were dating was a murdering sociopath. 664 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,609 Oh, Frank! We have to help Dr. Meinheimer. 665 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,001 - He's in danger. - Yes. 666 00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,691 They'll probably torture him, then kill him. 667 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,524 (SOBBING) It's all my fault! 668 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,925 They'll start by tearing out his toenails and then move on to the nose hairs. 669 00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,481 Oh, no! What are we going to do? 670 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:06,571 If my hunch is right, they're holding him hostage here. 671 00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:10,162 - At the Home Club? - What? No! 672 00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:14,445 At this warehouse. I've got to get going to rescue him. 673 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,042 - You'll be careful? - Of course I will. 674 00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,287 I will... 675 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:26,169 I guess I'd better be on my way. 676 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,885 I promised Nordberg we'd bake a raisin nut-bread tonight. 677 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,571 Oh, I can't fight it any more! 678 00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:43,444 I ran away from you once. I can't do it again. Will you stay with me? 679 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,124 Please? 680 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,966 (UNCHAINED MELODY PLAYING) 681 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,490 (EBB TIDE PLAYING) 682 00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,130 (RODS BREAKING) 683 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,449 Frank, we've got no business doing this. 684 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,211 We've only got a dock pass and your hunch. 685 00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:03,208 Hapsburg is up to something right up to his pretty, imported shirt collar. 686 00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,288 FRANK: It's a perfect day. 687 00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,409 This fog'll keep us concealed to Hapsburg's warehouse. 688 00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:16,485 That's not fog. The number two engine's on fire. They're putting it out. 689 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,126 Let's run through this one more time. 690 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:23,330 At 3:15, Nordberg will cut the power lines, knocking out the alarms. 691 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:24,930 Yeah. Right. 692 00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,162 - Nordberg. - Got it. 693 00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:30,289 I'll be in the van waiting for your signal. Are you wired-up? 694 00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,165 Yeah. Right. 695 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:37,808 When you hear me say, "I love it", you guys move in. 696 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,565 - Check. - Ready, Frank? 697 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:42,690 (METAL CLANGING) 698 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,328 The water's over there. 699 00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:53,729 (GRUNTING) 700 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,924 MAN 1: Hexagon Oil commercial number one. 701 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:05,045 ANNOUNCER: Piloting today's giant oil tankers is a big responsibility. 702 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,488 That's why here at Hexagon's Tanker Captain Training School, 703 00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:12,127 future captains go through a rigorous instruction programme. 704 00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:14,687 Through a complicated elimination process, 705 00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,162 we weed out those less qualified for the day-to-day operation 706 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:21,244 of a 500,000-tonne single hull super tanker. 707 00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:23,801 Only the best will take command 708 00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:28,050 of what is essentially a floating ecological time bomb. 709 00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:34,690 (INHALING DEEPLY) 710 00:54:38,720 --> 00:54:39,721 (GROANS IN DISGUST) 711 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:41,491 MAN 1: Commercial two. 712 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,604 MAN 2: Ah! Just the way I like it! 713 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,206 Someday, way into the future, 714 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:54,008 the sun may be able to provide for all our energy needs. 715 00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,560 But right now, it gives us a comfortable feeling 716 00:54:56,680 --> 00:55:00,685 to know that our home is being supplied by nuclear power. 717 00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,684 I know what you're thinking, but we're not worried. 718 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,644 We know that nuclear energy is safe. 719 00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:11,123 In fact, we think of it as our friendly neighbour. 720 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:14,926 But remember, our friend can't exist without huge government subsidies. 721 00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:18,408 So tell your congressman to keep those government dollars 722 00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,006 rolling into nuclear power. 723 00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,921 (DOG BARKING) 724 00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:28,887 I'll have to find another way in, Ed. 725 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:32,049 They've got killer guard dogs here. Do you read me? 726 00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,970 Loud and clear. Nordberg, how are we doing? 727 00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:38,965 We're at our destination. 728 00:55:39,720 --> 00:55:41,688 (DOG BARKING) 729 00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,440 Ed, I'm going to try the roof. 730 00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:51,962 I'm going to try it again. 731 00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:02,605 (GROWLING) 732 00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:07,249 (GROWLING) 733 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:10,451 (DOGS BARKING) 734 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:16,561 (GROWLING) 735 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:29,926 (BARKING) 736 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:32,323 (FRANK SCREAMING) 737 00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:35,730 - ED: Cut the power line. - NORDBERG: Right. 738 00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:38,201 (SCREAMING) 739 00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:41,571 Help! 740 00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,681 Come in, Nordberg. Frank, hold on. We have a problem. 741 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:47,643 (SCREAMING) 742 00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,323 Well... It's Lieutenant Drebin. 743 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:04,481 You were supposed to have been killed last night. 744 00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:10,002 But now I think I'm going to enjoy doing it myself. 745 00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,363 It'll be slow and painful. 746 00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,931 (SNIFFING) 747 00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,682 - What's that smell? - Oh, that would be me. 748 00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:25,811 I have been swimming in raw sewage. I love it. 749 00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,600 I love it! 750 00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:31,691 That's the signal, let's go. 751 00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,407 It's stuck. Give me a hand. 752 00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:39,171 NORDBERG: Ed, help me! Ed! 753 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:40,561 Search him. 754 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,288 I love it! 755 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,688 He's wired! 756 00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:56,251 - (TAPE SQUEAKING) - (DOG BARKING) 757 00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:57,721 Tie him up! 758 00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:01,889 You'll never get away with this, Hapsburg. 759 00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,851 - Whatever it is... - All right, I'll show you. 760 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:08,406 Let me introduce you to some people. 761 00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:12,487 Of course, you know Dr. Meinheimer. 762 00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,243 And you've met Earl Hacker. 763 00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,400 Why you son of a... (GROANING) 764 00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,563 And then I'd like you to meet the Redmans. 765 00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:26,451 Weekend guests from out of town. 766 00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:30,721 We're going to the Press Club Dinner. Make sure nothing happens to Drebin 767 00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:31,927 until I come back. 768 00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:38,325 Then I want the pleasure of killing you myself. 769 00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,807 The pleasure is all mine. 770 00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,451 Hmm. 771 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,210 QUENTIN: See you after the speech, Lieutenant. 772 00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,130 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 773 00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:56,807 (MUFFLED SPEECH) 774 00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:58,281 Hmm? 775 00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,805 (MUMBLING) 776 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:01,406 (MUMBLING) 777 00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:22,966 (GROANS) 778 00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:26,609 (SHOUTING) 779 00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:30,924 (GROANING) 780 00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,325 (SHOUTING) 781 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,321 (GROANING) 782 00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,281 (SHOUTING) 783 01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:22,281 - Freeze! - That's it. Freeze! 784 01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:24,204 Don't move! 785 01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:29,930 Good Lord! Look at what they did to Dr. Meinheimer. 786 01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:33,485 - Are you okay, Dr. Meinheimer? - (GROANS SOFTLY) 787 01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,649 - That's okay. Don't try to talk. - (COUGHING) 788 01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:44,970 I just can't take this any more. 789 01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:47,964 Garbage like you just makes me sick! 790 01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:49,804 - FRANK: Ed... - Okay? 791 01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:55,649 I'm just John Q. Public now. It's just you and me. 792 01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:58,169 - Mano a mano. - Ed... 793 01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,602 I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid! 794 01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:02,921 (PUNCHES FALLING) 795 01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,846 All right, he's had enough! 796 01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:14,766 Somebody help the Captain. We've got to get to that dinner. 797 01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:16,531 NORDBERG: This guy's heavy! 798 01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,448 REPORTER: Any predictions, Mr. Sununu? 799 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:28,286 JOHN: There won't be any surprises in Dr. Meinheimer's address. 800 01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:32,200 He'll recommend that the President continues our policy of oil dependency, 801 01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:36,325 and more dollars for subsidising nuclear power, as I've recommended myself. 802 01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:41,048 We'll have more on the dinner later and an update on the escaped zoo animals. 803 01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:46,200 This is the most important evening of my career. We can't afford mistakes. 804 01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:49,921 If you see Drebin or any Police Squad near these premises, 805 01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,207 I want them arrested on sight. 806 01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,724 I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance. 807 01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,047 - Where's that? - In the back. 808 01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,600 She'll unlock the doors at 7:30. 809 01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:06,321 - What about Hapsburg? - Hopefully, she can stay clear of him. 810 01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,448 Let's go. 811 01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,043 (TYRES SCREECHING) 812 01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:21,451 (SPEAKING IN SPANISH) 813 01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:26,884 Why, Jane! 814 01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:30,601 What are you doing out here? The party's inside. 815 01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:35,686 Oh, Quentin! I was just getting a breath of fresh air. 816 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,281 (FLIES BUZZING) 817 01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:39,124 (SNIFFING) 818 01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:42,443 I grew up on Lake Erie. There's nothing quite like it. 819 01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:45,000 Well, I'm quite sure... 820 01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:50,211 But how fortunate to have found you. Now you can join me at my table. 821 01:03:00,800 --> 01:03:04,691 Jane! Something must have happened to Jane. 822 01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:06,604 MAN: Bernardo, you've got the keys? 823 01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:13,289 I have a better idea. Follow me! 824 01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:17,809 ANNOUNCER: Your attention, please. Ladies and gentlemen. 825 01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:20,850 Thousand points of... Light. Light, a thousand points of light. 826 01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:25,960 Recession... Bad. Recovery... Good. Yeah, I think I've got that. 827 01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:30,967 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States. 828 01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:33,042 (BAND PLAYING) 829 01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:36,889 (MUSIC DIES DOWN) 830 01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:50,045 (VOCALISING) 831 01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:01,648 (PLAYING FOLK MUSIC) 832 01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:05,086 Bésame 833 01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:06,367 Hey! 834 01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:11,241 Bésame mucho... 835 01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:17,720 Each time I cling to your kiss I hear music divine 836 01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:24,281 - Bésame mucho - Hey! 837 01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:33,571 Hold me, my darling and say that you'll always be mine 838 01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,808 We'd better make our move. 839 01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:40,283 Yeah, I'm thinking about something more up-tempo, like Guantanamera. 840 01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:44,729 No, I mean Hacker! He's getting ready to make a speech. 841 01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,804 FRANK: Right! I'll intercept Hacker. 842 01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:50,326 You get the doctor prepared for his speech. 843 01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:10,801 AUDIENCE: Bravo! Encore! 844 01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:20,244 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen... 845 01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:22,846 - Dr. Meinheimer. - Yes? 846 01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:26,528 - Or should I say Hacker? - Drebin! 847 01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:27,806 (SNARLING) 848 01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,206 (GROANING) 849 01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:32,409 WOMAN: Look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair! 850 01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:37,724 - Can't someone help? - Come on, guys. Let's get him! 851 01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:41,367 - Give me a shot at him! - Beating a guy in a wheelchair, huh? 852 01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:45,371 - We'd better get this man first aid. - Sit tight, mister. 853 01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:48,364 Thank you. 854 01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:54,209 I'm pleased and honoured to be with you tonight on this historic occasion. 855 01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:58,041 Tonight, Dr. Meinheimer, as he looks up to the future, 856 01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,966 no doubt realises how our dependence on foreign oil 857 01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:04,168 has put a stranglehold on the budget. 858 01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:09,248 A lot of cuts will have to be made and some people will be hit hard. 859 01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:11,971 But we'll just keep cutting until we have an impact. 860 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:16,249 That's the only way we'll be able to move forward. 861 01:06:16,400 --> 01:06:20,564 Now I present to you Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 862 01:06:36,080 --> 01:06:39,289 Oh, my God! He can walk! 863 01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,840 He can walk! It's a miracle! 864 01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:48,243 I can walk! 865 01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:49,924 Get off me, you moron! 866 01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:56,648 Hey, come back here! 867 01:06:56,720 --> 01:07:01,681 Everything seems to be okay now, so without further ado, 868 01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:05,890 I present to you, once again, the man who needs no introduction, 869 01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:10,762 the esteemed Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 870 01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:25,847 Hold it! Hold everything! 871 01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:29,211 - Don't listen to him. He's a fraud! - No! 872 01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:32,250 - I can prove it! - What are you doing? 873 01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:34,840 The real doctor has a birthmark 874 01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:37,969 in the shape of Whistler's Mother right here! 875 01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:39,485 (ALL SHOUTING) 876 01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:48,571 Obviously a forgery. We'll see about this! 877 01:07:48,680 --> 01:07:49,886 (MEINHEIMER SCREAMING) 878 01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:52,807 Drebin! 879 01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:58,846 (GROANING) 880 01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:15,802 Hold it! Frank is right. There is a fraud in this room, but it's this man! 881 01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:17,771 (GRUMBLING) 882 01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:22,531 And he's just given us this signed confession, implicating that man! 883 01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:25,371 (GUNS COCKING) 884 01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:27,165 (WOMEN SCREAMING) 885 01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:30,366 No, no, no... 886 01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:32,364 That man. Quentin Hapsburg. 887 01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:38,325 - They're gone! - Let's go! 888 01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,241 - JANE: Let me go! - The roof. 889 01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:50,321 (JANITOR WHISTLING) 890 01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:53,688 Come on, Frank, hurry! Come on! 891 01:08:55,720 --> 01:08:57,802 ALL: Whoa! 892 01:08:57,880 --> 01:08:59,006 (CLATTERING) 893 01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:04,331 Tonight, I intend to share with you my report 894 01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:06,846 on our need for a national policy 895 01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:11,010 based on energy efficiency and clean, renewable energy sources. 896 01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:19,885 Over there! 897 01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:21,962 JANE: (SCREAMING) Frank! 898 01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:23,161 (GUN FIRING) 899 01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:24,721 Take cover! 900 01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:26,561 JANE: Frank! 901 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:28,640 (JANE SHOUTING) 902 01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:03,281 (GUN CLICKS) 903 01:10:08,800 --> 01:10:12,805 Nordberg! Cover me, I'm going in! 904 01:10:32,080 --> 01:10:33,844 (MAN GROANING) 905 01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:46,090 - All right. Where's Hapsburg? - (GROANING) 906 01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,202 - Where are you hit? - It's not that. 907 01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:52,082 - You're on my groin. - Oh, sorry. 908 01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:55,010 - Where is he? - You're too late. 909 01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:58,530 Hapsburg has Plan B in... 910 01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:01,081 In... In... 911 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:05,163 Where, where? All right. 912 01:11:05,520 --> 01:11:08,364 Who else is almost dead? 913 01:11:09,880 --> 01:11:12,121 Okay, now... 914 01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:16,124 - Talk! - You're too late, Drebin. 915 01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:18,771 - He already said that. - Where did he leave off? 916 01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:22,329 "Hapsburg has Plan B in..." 917 01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:26,605 Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... 918 01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:29,411 - In... (GAGGING) - Where? 919 01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:32,364 Where? Talk, you low-life scum! 920 01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:36,607 Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! 921 01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:38,006 (GASPS) 922 01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:42,686 QUENTIN: I'm right here, Drebin. 923 01:11:45,800 --> 01:11:47,404 Drop your gun, Lieutenant. 924 01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:51,201 (GROANING) 925 01:11:51,560 --> 01:11:55,406 I believe you're inquiring about Plan B. 926 01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:59,641 That's where we detonate a small nuclear device. 927 01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:03,327 Your Dr. Meinheimer can talk all he wants. 928 01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:05,846 No one will be left alive to hear it. 929 01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:07,570 AUTOMATED VOICE: Detonation sequence activated. 930 01:12:08,120 --> 01:12:11,681 I'm the only one who knows the abort code. 931 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:15,003 In 10 minutes, this building and everyone in it 932 01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:17,686 will be reduced to a pile of rubble. 933 01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:20,081 I'll be safely on my helicopter. 934 01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:24,730 By this time tomorrow, I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana. 935 01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,161 What do you think of that? 936 01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:30,682 You certainly seem to be in touch with your anger. 937 01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:35,321 I don't care what you think. You won't talk your way out of this. 938 01:12:35,440 --> 01:12:39,126 Go ahead! Threaten me like you have the American people for so long. 939 01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:42,283 But it won't work this time. You're part of a dying breed, 940 01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:47,247 like people who can name all 50 states. The truth hurts, doesn't it? 941 01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:50,967 Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, 942 01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:52,451 but it hurts. 943 01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:54,961 QUENTIN: That's as far as you go, Drebin. 944 01:12:55,040 --> 01:12:57,646 Any final requests, Lieutenant? 945 01:12:57,720 --> 01:13:00,610 Yes. Can I have the gun? 946 01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:05,201 Oh, no. I'm not going to fall for that one. 947 01:13:05,440 --> 01:13:06,441 Not so fast! 948 01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:08,686 (YELLING) 949 01:13:10,200 --> 01:13:11,247 (THUDS) 950 01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:12,971 (GROANING) 951 01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:20,325 (MUFFLED SCREAMING) 952 01:13:22,880 --> 01:13:25,531 AUTOMATED VOICE: Six minutes to detonation. 953 01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:30,091 - All right, talk! Give me that abort code. - Okay, I'll talk. 954 01:13:30,160 --> 01:13:33,846 - Six numbers, two, one, seven... - ED: I'm coming, Frank! 955 01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:34,961 (QUENTIN SCREAMING) 956 01:13:37,360 --> 01:13:38,885 Thanks a lot. 957 01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:48,569 - (ROARING) - (QUENTIN SCREAMING) 958 01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:57,801 - Are you all right? - I'm fine. Are you okay? 959 01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:02,927 Yes, but unless we can disarm this computer, the building will blow. 960 01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,686 - We must warn everyone. - FRANK: Yeah, right. 961 01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:11,449 - Jane, you'd better go. - No, Frank. I'm staying here with you. 962 01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:13,124 But Jane... 963 01:14:13,200 --> 01:14:17,250 If you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you. 964 01:14:19,440 --> 01:14:24,480 Jane, I promise you that if we ever come out of this alive, 965 01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:28,565 I'll never let my police work interfere with our love again. 966 01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:31,880 ED: Frank. Frank! 967 01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:35,445 The bomb. Let's go, Nordberg. 968 01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:38,086 AUTOMATED VOICE: Four minutes to detonation. 969 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:42,087 - JANE: What are we going to do? - See what you can find in the manual. 970 01:14:42,240 --> 01:14:43,401 JANE: Let me see here... 971 01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:44,880 Oh, here we go. 972 01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:47,526 "To reset detonation code, press pound sign." 973 01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:50,767 AUTOMATED VOICE: Per your command, 974 01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:53,645 the speed of this sequence has been increased. 975 01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:56,487 Detonation now in two minutes. 976 01:14:56,560 --> 01:15:02,124 So instead of spending $2.5 billion 977 01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:06,091 on research into nuclear waste disposal, 978 01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:07,844 - the Federal Government, - (ALL SNORING) 979 01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,526 for only $500 million, 980 01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:14,008 or the cost of one B-1 bomber, 981 01:15:14,120 --> 01:15:19,763 could reduce the price of solar panels by 90%. 982 01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:24,324 As Albert Einstein once said... 983 01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:27,444 Wake up, wake up! 984 01:15:27,520 --> 01:15:30,285 Wake up, the place is going to blow! 985 01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:31,401 Wake up. 986 01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:32,881 Wake up! 987 01:15:33,160 --> 01:15:34,321 I'll get the lights. 988 01:15:34,480 --> 01:15:35,891 (ALL SNORING) 989 01:15:37,160 --> 01:15:41,051 To elaborate on point 102... 990 01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:43,521 Here, read this. It's an emergency. 991 01:15:46,960 --> 01:15:50,282 "His strong, manly hands 992 01:15:50,440 --> 01:15:55,241 "probed every crevice of her silken femininity, 993 01:15:57,000 --> 01:16:01,050 "their undulating bodies writhing in a sensual rhythm 994 01:16:01,160 --> 01:16:04,960 "as he thrust his purple-headed warrior 995 01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:08,323 "into her quivering mound of love pudding." 996 01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:13,321 Listen up, everyone. I want you to calmly file towards the exits. 997 01:16:13,680 --> 01:16:18,811 That's it. Nobody run. Just walk, single file. 998 01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:22,043 That's it. If we'll just stay calm, 999 01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:26,006 no one will be harmed by the huge bomb that's going to explode. 1000 01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:27,844 (ALL SCREAMING) 1001 01:16:33,640 --> 01:16:36,644 It's a cookbook, it's a cookbook! 1002 01:16:38,040 --> 01:16:40,327 AUTOMATED VOICE: Twenty seconds to detonation. 1003 01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:44,762 JANE: What are you going to do? AUTOMATED VOICE: Fifteen seconds. 1004 01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:48,248 - FRANK: It's got my sleeve! - Oh, no! 1005 01:16:48,320 --> 01:16:50,368 AUTOMATED VOICE: 10, 9, 8... 1006 01:16:50,600 --> 01:16:53,809 JANE: I can't get it. FRANK: Jane, my jacket! 1007 01:16:54,200 --> 01:16:57,124 AUTOMATED VOICE: 5, 4, 3... 1008 01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:00,162 - AUTOMATED VOICE: 2, 1... - Let's get out! 1009 01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:02,450 (MACHINE POWERING DOWN) 1010 01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:05,531 Frank, look! 1011 01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,081 You did it! 1012 01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:14,567 (ALL APPLAUDING) 1013 01:17:18,880 --> 01:17:22,771 Thank you, Mr. President, for those kind words, 1014 01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:25,645 but it's all part of the job. 1015 01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:29,810 Frank, I'd like you to consider filling a special post I'm going to create. 1016 01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:33,084 It may mean long hours, dangerous nights, 1017 01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:37,404 and being surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society. 1018 01:17:37,560 --> 01:17:40,530 - You want me to be in your cabinet? - (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1019 01:17:40,680 --> 01:17:43,490 No... No! 1020 01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:48,811 I want you to head up a new Federal Bureau of Police Squad. 1021 01:17:49,000 --> 01:17:50,331 (ALL CHEERING) 1022 01:17:52,080 --> 01:17:55,607 - That's a great honour. - It's what you've always wanted. 1023 01:17:55,920 --> 01:17:57,160 Congratulations. 1024 01:17:57,720 --> 01:17:59,404 Nice going! 1025 01:17:59,920 --> 01:18:04,448 - PRESIDENT BUSH: Get in here. - Thank you, Mr. President. 1026 01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:08,690 Thank you. I'm very honoured. 1027 01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:10,888 This is something I've always dreamt of, 1028 01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:16,285 - but I'll have to turn down your offer. - (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK) 1029 01:18:17,080 --> 01:18:20,607 You see, I've learnt something this past week 1030 01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:23,763 about the Earth and about love. 1031 01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,565 I guess love is like the ozone layer. 1032 01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:30,530 You never miss it until it's gone. 1033 01:18:31,120 --> 01:18:35,125 Blowing away a fleeing suspect with my.44 Magnum 1034 01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:39,569 used to be everything to me. I enjoyed it. Who wouldn't? 1035 01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:46,650 But now I want to be known as "The Environmental Police Lieutenant". 1036 01:18:46,760 --> 01:18:47,966 (ALL APPLAUDING) 1037 01:18:50,280 --> 01:18:55,525 I want a world where Frank Junior, and all the Frank Juniors, 1038 01:18:55,640 --> 01:18:57,722 can sit under a shade tree, 1039 01:18:57,840 --> 01:19:01,162 breathe the air, swim in the ocean, 1040 01:19:01,280 --> 01:19:04,523 and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. 1041 01:19:04,600 --> 01:19:06,489 (ALL CHEERING) 1042 01:19:11,120 --> 01:19:14,567 I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick. 1043 01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:16,244 (ALL CHEERING) 1044 01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:20,609 I want a world where the Democrats have a candidate worth voting for. 1045 01:19:20,680 --> 01:19:21,806 (ALL CHEERING) 1046 01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:28,691 I may not get there with you, but most of all, 1047 01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:32,361 I want a world where I can wake up each morning 1048 01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:35,450 with this woman, whom I love! 1049 01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,331 (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK) 1050 01:19:38,480 --> 01:19:40,050 Yikes! 1051 01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:42,488 - Frank! - Jane! 1052 01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,525 Frank! Frank! 1053 01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:48,930 - Jane, will you marry me? - Yes, of course I'll marry you! 1054 01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:57,686 CROWD: (CHANTING) We love Frank! We love Frank! 1055 01:19:57,760 --> 01:20:00,809 PAPARAZZI: One more picture. Turn around, over here! 1056 01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:02,564 - Smile! - (BARBARA SCREAMING) 1057 01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:03,881 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1058 01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:05,161 (FABRIC RIPPING) 1059 01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:11,364 BARBARA: Help, George! 1060 01:24:27,080 --> 01:24:29,970 PRESIDENT BUSH: All right, let's see if I got this straight, now. 1061 01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:33,163 Energy efficiency, good. 1062 01:24:33,440 --> 01:24:37,126 Drilling in Arctic national wildlife refuge, bad. 1063 01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:38,486 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1064 01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:41,690 MAN: Er, Mr. President, is everything okay in there? 1065 01:24:41,840 --> 01:24:44,411 PRESIDENT BUSH: I'm fine, thanks. 1066 01:24:44,480 --> 01:24:46,562 (FLUSHING)