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Sorry.
Good morning, sheriff epworth.
Good morning, Billy ray.
I'll bet you never seen a day this pretty in...
Uh...
Boston.
Actually, Boston can be quite beautiful, sheriff.
Oh, nettie!
Sorry mama. Billy ray is here.
I never would have known.
Nettie, no more Billy ray.
It's Mr. Smith, ok?
[Knock on door]
Ok.
Morning, Billy ray.
Nettie.
Morning, Mrs. tuleen.
Oh, nettie. You need to be careful.
I'll get them.
You have to take care of these books.
Do you ever think about me, Billy ray?
Of course I do.
I usually wonder
whether you're doing your homework or not.
No. I mean,
do you ever think of me as a woman?
Someday you'll be a very beautiful woman.
In other words, you don't.
When you're a little girl,
you want to become a woman.
When you're a grown woman,
you realize how important it is to be a girl.
It's different for a man.
When he's a boy, he's expected to behave.
But when he becomes a man,
he has to stand tall, speak the truth,
make an honest day's living,
and be able to look other men in the eye
without flinching.
Good morning, Billy ray!
Morning.
Beautiful morning for procreation.
"Be fruitful and multiply", saith the lord.
Ha ha ha!
Billy ray!
Now think about this for a minute, lon.
Let's say you had 7 chickens,
and your neighbor came over and took away 3 of them.
How many would you have left?
I think I'd have 7 'cause my daddy would shoot him
before he got out the hen house.
Ha ha ha!
I think that's enough arithmetic for today, lon.
Why don't you sit down?
Ha ha ha!
We're starting a new kid durango book today.
This is one my personal favorites.
Is there a girl in this one?
Yes, there is, nettie.
Aw! aw!
There's something in here for everyone.
We could go back to the arithmetic.
No! no!
"Kid durango of Arizona-- the dust devils.
"The layer of dew that covered the prairie
"disappeared quickly
"as the sun Rose over the foothills.
"The moon hung around for a while
"and then sunk far below the ranges.
"The day began like a thousand other Arizona days.
"That was... Until the cloud came.
"It began on the horizon--
"shadows of dust moving at great speed,
and then the pounding hooves on the hard ground."
"As the whirlwind got closer,
"you could see into the dust--
"the shapes of horses and then the riders,
"riders with guns on both hips
"and bandoleers across their chests.
"They rode hard.
"They rode with a purpose.
"As they approached the town,
they reined back on their horses."
"The dust around them settled,
"and you could see their faces--
"faces weathered by the Mexican sun,
faces marked by violence."
[Horse neighing]
Ha ha ha!
"When the citizens of the town saw the riders,
"they instinctively withdrew
"into the shadows of the boardwalk.
"Many of the merchants
"went inside their shops and locked their doors.
"Shades came down, closed signs appeared
as the town prepared to look the other way."
"It was pretty clear why they were there.
"They had an appointment at the bank,
and it wasn't to make a deposit."
Ha ha ha!
"They were a ruthless band of thieves and killers
with no regard for human life."
"It was as if they were put on this earth by the devil
"to torment decent, god-fearing folks
who worked hard to make an honest living."
[Gunshot]
A gunshot.
It's just like in the story, Billy ray.
They got guns! They're coming!
Stay in your seats!
I'll go see. Stay in here!
Nettie, move!
Move!
This is real, nettie! Nettie!
[Speaking Spanish]
Oh! oh!
Hyah! hyah!
Let me go!
Please put her down.
Billy! Billy!
Senor! senor!
Hola.
Please.
Billy ray!
Nettie!
Gringo!
Wait! wait!
Nettie! nettie!
Help me!
Aah!
Gringo!
Aah!
Ha ha ha!
Billy!
Ha ha ha!
Who in the hell was that?
They shot Harold and Mr. west.
Where the hell's the sheriff?
Sleeping, probably.
Wake him up. Round up a posse.
They took the tuleen girl!
Oh, my god!
Mount up.
All right!
I think they rode south, boys.
Come on, boys! Let's go.
Billy ray?
Billy ray, you all right?
Looking kind of peaked.
Somebody better go get the doc.
They have my nettie!
I haven't heard anything.
Is my daughter there?
Can anyone see my nettie there?
Billy ray, can you see?
Yeah. horses.
Look at that.
Looks like just one rider.
I don't think there's anybody on them horses.
I see the sheriff.
Naw!
I swear that's him.
Where are the others?
Sheriff, you don't look so good.
Somebody get the doc!
That's Jethro's horse. Where the hell's Jethro?
There's blood on the saddle.
What the hell happened, sheriff?
Oh, lordy. They've cut out his tongue!
Uuh!
Excuse me, deputy.
Did you say that they cut out his tongue?
Hey! here it is, right here!
Even with a posse we couldn't find them.
U.S. government and the federales
been searching for him for years.
I'll tell you something about El diablo.
They did find him once.
Caught him down in Amos-- border town north of laredo.
Caught, tried, and hanged him in the same night,
but he wouldn't die.
He just hanged there by his neck,
spitting at the crowd like they disgusted him.
Cussed so bad, the womenfolk left.
I was there when they cut him down.
Thankfully, i left when I did.
Three days later-- so the story goes--
El diablo returned to Amos with his men
and cut out the heart of every man, woman, and child
in the whole blessed town
and just left him there to bleach in the sun.
Aah!
[Crying]
Pretty soon, they started to rot.
The buzzards come
and started pecking out their eyeballs.
That's enough of that!
Devil don't never die! No, sir!
No one will do anything about getting my nettie back!
Probably already cut out her heart and eaten it.
I didn't say nothing about eating their hearts.
He just cut them out and left.
Spivey!
Well, I'm sorry, deputy.
Or are you the sheriff now?
'Cause if you are,
then it's your responsibility to go after El diablo.
What are you going to do about it, sheriff?
Well, in the last report,
the doc said the sheriff's feeling much better.
[Cluck cluck]
He's been working on his sign language, too.
Ha ha ha!
Spivey's right. You're the new sheriff.
We pay you.
That's right.
I intend to bring nettie back.
That's Billy ray!
Ha ha ha!
How you planning on doing that, boy?
I intend to bring back nettie.
You and who else, schoolteacher?
You can't get El diablo with a book.
Well, me and kid durango, that's who.
Ho ho ho!
I mean, kid durango and I.
Hey, Charlie, you got competition.
Can't even shoot a gun!
Billy ray!
I intend to learn to shoot a gun.
El diablo will drop a load of manure in his pants
when he sees you coming at him.
Ha ha ha!
Well, I do know one man.
My second cousin, Maggie sue's brother-in-law,
j.d. shones.
Yeah?
He's some kind of lawman now.
Texas ranger.
He's supposed to have rode with kid durango.
Tell you the truth,
we never had all that much to do with him.
Sort of the disgrace of the family, you know?
He shot and killed my cousin deke
about eight years ago up in sonoma.
He also shot and killed my daddy's brother Edward.
Where is he now?
Well, last time I heard, he was up in millenium.
Some kind of marshal or ranger up there.
Hell, ain't but a turd's difference
between j.D. And the scum he hauls in,
but if anybody can help you find kid durango,
it would be him.
You need bigger bottles.
Oh!
You be darn careful who you show that to.
Yes, sir.
Sheriff epworth wrote you this note.
"Don't go."
You thank him for the advice.
You're a darn fool, Billy ray.
Yes, sir. I know.
Come on, rojo.
Only god can kill the devil, Billy ray.
Forward.
Giddy-up.
That a-- whoa! Whoa, settle down.
It's all right. Whoa.
Whoa. whoa.
Whoa-a-a!
[Bang]
Billy ray done shot his horse!
My journey did not begin on a good note.
I was determined to press on.
After arranging an alternate mode of transport,
I arrived in millenium three days later.
Ahem.
Excuse me.
Where could I find Mr. j.D. Shones?
What do you want with him, Sonny?
I just have a very important question
I'd like to ask him.
You should have asked him yesterday.
All aboard!
We are now committing this man Mr. Jones--
uh, Mr. shone to his life in the hereafter.
We would like to take a moment
to acknowledge his contributions to our community.
As sheriff, he served the public to the best of his abilities.
He shot eight men and three women,
most of whom were engaged in breaking the law.
I'm sure the others were honest mistakes.
What happened?
Friend of yours?
Sort of.
Yeah. same here.
Sort of.
You got business with j.D.?
Yeah.
Well, I'm the sheriff now.
Maybe I can be of some assistance.
[Gunshot]
...amen.
Throw the dirt on him. Let's get out of here.
Come on.
You related to him?
No, sir.
Jeramiah, come along right now!
I want to watch.
I want to thank you for distracting him for me.
What you lookin' at?
You just shot him in the back.
His back was to me.
Come on, boy. Help me out of this hole.
Come on! Help me out.
Besides...
He shot j.D. In the back.
Just seemed right.
He killed j.D.?
Yeah. he wanted to be sheriff real bad.
Now he's sheriff, real bad.
Rio here don't like gunfire.
Hurts his ears.
Maybe you can tell me where I can find kid durango.
What do you want him for?
They say he's the fastest gun in the west.
Oh, yeah?
I want to hire him.
You got any money?
Maybe.
Well...
Hire me.
I ain't as fast as I used to be,
but I cheat real good.
Fast don't mean a whole lot these days.
Us professional folks are tired of fighting fair
and dying for it.
Do you know kid durango?
Yeah. I know him.
Could you take me to him?
Where are you from, boy?
Originally, Boston, Massachusetts.
Oh, that figures.
I'm getting on, rio.
Well, maybe you could just--
you could point me in the right direction,
Mr. uh...
Mr. um...
Van leek. Thomas Van leek.
I'd like to stay here and draw you a map,
but I better keep moving
before somebody starts asking questions
about how the sheriff got out of office.
Me and rio going to head for Mexico.
The man I wish to apprehend is in Mexico.
Mount up. You can tag along for a while.
I don't have a horse.
Hey!
I'm sorry, rio.
If you would be so kind
as to leave that saddle where it is,
we'll be on our way.
Yes, sir!
Yes!
Just a minute!
Oh! whoa! Whoa!
Oh! oh! Oh!
Aah!
Oh! oh! Oh!
My contact in millenium, Mr. shones,
had been shot by Mr. Murphy,
who was in turn shot by a Mr. Van leek.
Coincidtally, Mr. Van leek claimed
he was a personal acquaintance of kid durango.
After arranging transportation for me,
I am presently accompanying him
on his journey to Mexico.
I'm counting on him providing me
with a formal introduction to kid durango
when we reach his hide-out.
Uh, how much was you fixing to pay
this kid durango
for this job you needed to be done?
Whatever the going rate-- the fair rate--
happens to be.
You never did say what it was you needed to be done.
Hard to come up with a price if you don't know that.
I want to rescue a young girl
who was kidnaped by a man
presud to be named El diablo.
I want to bring him and his compatriots to justice.
What's the matter?
You can't ride. You can't shoot.
You can't even think, boy.
You're in the wrong territory.
God damn fool.
Come on, rio!
[Neigh]
Come on.
Additional details concerning my trip
seemed to discourage Mr. Van leek
from continuing the journey together.
I was once again alone,
but nevertheless still determined to pursue my quest.
Whoa.
[Hoof beats]
Hmm.
[Gunshots]
Uh-oh.
Giddy-up!
[Gunshots]
Don't let him get away!
[Gunshots]
Shoot him down!
Huh! huh!
Keep on him!
I can't see him.
Don't let him out of your sight!
[Neigh]
Oh!
Where did he go?
Over there in the gully!
I don't see no gully!
It's right in front of you.
I'm sorry.
This way, you jackass.
Let's go.
How could you guys let him get away?
You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Oh!
Oh! oh!
Uh!
Ooh!
There he is!
Ha ha! We got him now, boys!
[Panting]
I told you it was a gully.
Let me have the first shot!
He's going in the shitter!
Awful big one!
One of them three holers i saw in a catalogue.
You can't read.
Come on, let's get him!
Wait till he gets out.
He might be in there a week.
[Gunshot]
[Shooting stops]
You think we got him?
Yeah. go on over. Make sure.
You go. You're closer.
The hell i am.
Dick's closest.
I went first last week.
I went first and got shot, remember?
Oh, shut up.
It was only in the head.
I said shut up.
Good afternoon.
Jesus h. Christ, Van leek, don't sneak up like that.
I wasn't sneaking.
What do you want?
Just passing through.
You got somebody holed up in there?
We do. Snared up like a rabbit.
Yeah. that boy who shot the sheriff?
Yeah.
Is there a reward?
No. we're just up here
because we want to see justice done.
Oh.
How much?
4--uh...
$2oo,
dead or alive.
That seem like enough to go around.
I ain't splittin' it more than five ways.
I was hoping that kid would get lucky
and shoot a couple of us.
So why don't you just back off, Van leek?
Well...
Good luck.
This won't take but a minute, rio.
[Hoof beats]
Hey, you guys hear that?
Is that a horse?
Sure ain't no armadillo.
But I don't see nothing!
[Gunshot]
Jake's down!
I said, Jake's down!
Ah, Jesus!
Who is that?
[Gunshots]
Ah!
Uh!
Ah!
Get down!
Somebody shoot that son of a bitch!
[Shouting]
Let's get out of here!
Ah!
Oh!
Nice shot, kid!
Thank you.
[Gunshot]
There's your new horse up there.
Mr. Van leek.
I'd like to take you up on your offer
to help me get El diablo.
I'll think about it.
Come on, rio.
That was an impressive display of gunmanship today.
Gunmanship.
I was wondering if you might consider
teaching me a few tricks of the trade.
They ain't tricks, boy.
They're real as death.
Here.
Don't point that thing at me, boy.
I ain't a horse.
Sorry.
Pick a star.
What?
Lay down on your back.
What for?
Shut your god damn hole, boy,
and lay down on your back.
Now...
Pick a star.
[Horse neighs]
Got one.
Uh-huh.
That's enif.
Enif?
Mm-hmm. the star you're fixing on.
It's the brightest star in Pegasus,
the constellation of the winged horse.
That figures.
Now, don't drop your look, boy.
You got to concentrate.
Keep your eyes fixed on the target...
Real steady.
I got it.
Good.
You keep it there...
Till I tell you to stop.
Yes, sir.
Good.
Uh-uh. drop your eyes from that target,
you're a dead man.
Patience...
Concentration...
The first two things you got to learn.
Uh-uh.
I got it.
[Gunshot]
[Horse neighs]
You'd better start praying that wasn't rio.
Bebe.
You missed.
He missed?
I guess the balance ain't quite right.
Where the hell did you get that?
Right off the son of bitch's boot.
This boy here got it.
They stole his girl.
Actually, she was one of my students.
Prettiest one in the class, I'll bet.
I make it a policy
not to get involved with my students.
Will this get us in?
Could be.
Old El diablo does favor his spurs.
Of course getting in is the easy part.
If you don't take the whole damn thing in with you,
you just might get back out again in one piece.
What the hell are you looking at, boy?
Nothing.
Damn right. There ain't nothin' there.
Although Mr. Van leek kept his intentions
pretty much to himself,
it appeared that the plan
was to assemble a group of skilled professionals
to help me in my endeavor.
The first person was Mr. bebe Patterson,
who had been captured by El diablo's men years ago.
He managed to escape with some useful information,
but returned home minus a foot.
* shall we gather at the river *
* where bright angel feet have trod? *
* with its crystal tide forever *
* flowing from the throne of god? *
* yes, we'll gather at the river *
* the beautiful, the beautiful river *
* gather with the saints at the river *
* that flows from the throne of god **
hear the word of the lord, o people of--
bendix...
Bendix rock!
For the lord has a controversy
with the inhabitants of the land.
There is no faithfulness of god in the land.
There is swearing and lying,
killing, stealing, and committing adultery.
Amen!
Amen.
Amen!
Nothing escapes the power and the vision of the lord.
Those who have sinned will be punished.
Yes, lord!
But we are here also to forgive,
to ask the lord for mercy
so that the souls of Jonathan napier
and Bob zamudio...,
oberto.
So that their souls can be saved.
If you do not take the lord seriously,
then he will not take you seriously.
Not only will the souls of these poor unfortunates
be exiled for eternity in hell,
but so will yours as well.
You must share with your lord the fruits of your labors.
Only then can he truly become your savior!
Hang them!
Get on with it!
I want to see this collection plate
passed around once again.
I want to see it overflow with evidence
of your love for the lord!
If I'm disappointed,
there won't be any show.
No show?
...of justice meted out today,
but rather these men will be released
back into your fold to continue robbing and killing
and having their way
with your wives and daughters,
with the sheeps and goats and turkeys of your flocks.
Turkeys?
May god bless you.
Bless you.
Bless you!
Ah!
Bless you.
[Bebe] you recognize them?
One of them is Bob zamudio,
a pretty good hand with explosives.
That one dangling, i don't know.
We could use some help.
[Click]
[Gunshot]
Afternoon, atalicus.
Let us all join in and sing the hymn
what a friend we have in Jesus
whilst the good lord determines the fate of our brethren here.
* what a friend we have in Jesus *
* all our sins and griefs to bear! *
* what a privilege...
Equal shares all around.
We're going to need your dead men there.
* ...Ev'rything to god in prayer! **
I think that can be arranged.
Today we went to church.
It was very different from what I was used to.
I had the opportunity to witness my first hanging.
In fact, the gentleman who was hanged,
a Mr. pitchfork napier,
has elected to join our outfit.
I'm looking forward to discussing our plans
with my new companions.
Who in the hell is this snot-nosed little pantywaist?
Hee hee hee.
He's with me.
Hell, he's the one that stole this.
Is this all we got to go on?
His spurs are like his fingers.
They're part of his body.
That was his daddy's spurs and his daddy's daddy's.
"His daddy's spurs and his daddy's daddy's."
What a sorry bunch of washed-up has-beens, eh?
Is mu valuable.
Those red things are real rubies, Bob.
Roberto.
El diablo's treasure.
Indian gold,
European gold,
just waiting there for us to take it.
He's right about that.
I seen it with my own eyes.
He has something worth more than gold.
There's a little girl--
hey, fuck your little girl.
You don't want to do that.
Yes, he does.
Heh heh heh! Come on, boy.
Come on!
Come and get it, boy.
[Click]
[Sizzle]
Now, we're going to need dynamite
and someone to handle it.
How about it, Bobby?
I think I told you once or twice
that I do not answer to that gringo name.
Look, senor Roberto,
we would very much appreciate you helping us
with your special talent
[roberto] well...
Dynamite is like a woman--
it takes the right hombre
to know how to make her explode.
There's somebody out there.
I don't hear nothing.
[Sniff]
Injuns.
There ain't no injuns around here.
We're in Mexico, asshole.
The ponkachonks, asshole.
I lived with them for a year.
Don't never Rob no Indian.
I'd Rob an Indian the same as any.
Yeah? did you sleep with his wife, too?
What was it like, sleeping with an Indian woman?
Better than a nigger.
[Van leek] Thank you, boy.
Now, generally i lets a man off
the first time he say that to me--
that is, if he say he's sorry.
How about you, Mr. napier?
You sorry?
Mmm!
I don't hear you, Mr. napier.
[Choking]
I'm waiting.
Bye... nigger.
Uh...
[Horse neighs]
Uh...
Oh...
Hey, yee ya yee ya!
Hey, yee ya hey ya!
Hey ya hey ya!
Ooh! hoo!
Somebody ought to talk to him.
Go on, Bob. You speakum signs.
Roberto.
I don't think chief understand.
[Indian] you're full of shit, brown man.
And name not chief. Name dancing bear.
Hey ya ya!
We added a new member last night,
an Indian, a Mr. dancing bear,
who had been tracking Mr. napier for some time.
Mr. napier had bedded down with his wife,
a transgression not looked upon favorably by his tribe.
I never liked him!
Dancing bear told us
that El diablo had stolen gold from his people
and turned many of them into slaves.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco...
The next step was to locate a box of dynamite
that Mr. zamudio had buried in the ground.
Once...
Once the spot was found,
I was volunteered to dig it up.
[Speaking Spanish]
What?
Get out of the hole.
This little cache has enabled Roberto and me
to open accounts at over 22 of the best banks
in the southwest.
Shh-shh-shh-shh!
Shh!
You can get me out of here now.
Not fast.
What's the matter?
It's decaying, i think.
We shouldn't have buried it here.
There's no shade.
I don't think now's the time to make me angry.
Aye yi yi yi.
[Speaking Indian language]
[Laughter]
Roberto!
Come on! Come on!
Bob! hey, Bob!
It's good, huh?
Ha ha ha!
Ooh! hoo!
The dynamite was secured
by Mr. Patterson and Mr. zamudio.
There still seemed to be some question
as to its stability.
We're far apart.
That might not be good for their morale.
Join them, boy. They'd welcome the company.
[Bell clanging]
After riding hard the entire day,
we finally crossed into Mexico.
The buckboard didn't explode,
and I took this as a positive sign.
I was glad when we pulled into
a small village for refreshments.
Ow!
[Cough cough]
[Speaking Spanish]
No.
What do you want, boy?
Uh, lemon--uh, whatever he's having.
The cantina we selected
would not have been my first choice,
but it was the only one in town.
It hosted a different clientele than back east.
Ahem.
Ow!
Ah!
[Cough]
Thomas, is that you?
Bartender, put their drinks on my bill.
Thomas, you devil, please come here.
Join me!
[Rattle rattle]
Thomas Van leek-- as I live and breathe?
So nice to see you. Hello.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?
Mm-hmm. this here is Billy ray Smith.
Boy, this here
is Truman feathers,
sometimes known as kid durango.
Kid durango?
Mm-hmm. kid durango.
K--kid durango?
Mm-hmm.
This boy's read every one of your books, Truman.
Really?
Kid durango.
Mm-hmm.
So...
What brings you to this hole?
Well, I'm researching our next adventure.
Smoke signals indicated
that you were headed in this direction.
You know, I have a hat just like that.
I--i-- i love your outfit.
Where are you from?
Originally Boston,
Massachusetts.
Oh, really? I've been to Rhode Island.
What did he mean when he said
"our next adventure"?
Well, it's a wonderful arrangement.
You see, Thomas runs around the west
risking his silly neck,
and I incorporate his exploits
into my little true stories.
[Ding]
You mean...
He means ain't nobody gonna buy no stories
about no negro cowboys.
Well, well, it's dramatic license, really.
It's a necessary evil in the literary world.
Dramatic license, hell!
A whole bunch of lies.
You made all that money, and I never did see squat!
But what really gets me
is that crap about looking a man in the eye.
A man don't go for a gun with his eye! Watch his hands.
I'll make a note of it.
Ah!
Ha ha ha!
[Speaking Spanish]
They were with El diablo in the bank.
Shh.
The unattractive one is pestoso.
That other one ain't no lady-killer.
Yes. that's chak mol.
You know them?
Well, they come here to unwind
after their forays of raping and pillaging.
I've interviewed both of them.
Pestoso is surprisingly verbal.
Ah! ha ha!
Hey, boy.
How do you feel about
being the fastest gun in the west?
Huh?
Heh heh heh!
So you're the fastest gun in the west, huh?
Heh heh!
Do you know to whom this belongs?
Where you get that, huh?
Can you take me to him?
Take you to who?
Take you to whom.
¿Que importa, hombre?
El diablo.
El diablo?
Ha ha ha!
Where are you going, gringo, huh?
Heh heh heh!
Ow.
Adios, gringo. Heh heh heh!
[Gunshot]
Uh!
I had successfully shot a man in a showdown
in the middle of the street at high noon.
Actually it was much later in the day,
but it was quite a thrill.
Good shot, boy.
I don't condone killing,
but this pestoso probably deserved it.
If he traveled with El diablo,
he had severe character flaws, i was sure.
Good shot.
[Blows]
Uh!
You?
Uh!
I meet you in the morning,
just outside of town.
The tree of death.
Come alone.
Tree of death.
Ow!
[Speaking Spanish]
Never trust a man that talks to his snake.
It's Truman.
Morning.
What the hell you think you're doing, feathers?
I've decided to join your expedition.
Not with me you ain't.
You won't have to worry about me.
It's not you.
I'm worried about us with you out there.
Oh, Thomas, please.
I'm sure I can perform
some very useful functions on the trail.
I'm an excellent cook.
You make coffee?
Well, as a matter of fact,
I brought along some fresh Colombian beans.
By the way, I make a wonderful omelet.
What is omelet?
Well, omelet is diced ham,
cheese, peppers,
folded into three eggs, cooked in an iron skillet.
Mushrooms, snake meat, squash good?
Well, I wouldn't recommend the squash,
but it's up to you.
For Christ's sake, let's move out!
Come on!
Ho!
Even though I was still puzzled by the revelation
that Truman was kid durango, or not kid durango,
I was excited that he joined us.
I could clear up some confusion,
and I looked forward to his omelets.
I don't understand
why you're coming along with us.
Well, actually, it's your example.
You see, I've always written about other people's exploits.
I'd like to think before I pass on
I could include a few adventures of my own.
That was a wonderful moment yesterday in the street
with you and pestoso.
It was thrilling. It'll virtually write itself.
You're going to put me in a book?
Of course.
Every story needs its hero.
Hey, boy.
Let me see that spur.
Yes, sir.
You hold onto that, boy.
It's your calling card.
Go ahead on.
Be right behind you. Go on.
Good luck, Billy ray.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
[Bird chirps]
Excuse me. Could you tell me precisely
why they call this the tree of death?
Excuse me.
I met chak mol as arranged,
and I followed him deeper into Mexico.
My nerves, normally quite steady,
were acting up as I sensed us getting closer and closer
to El diablo.
I'm sure the tension would have been eased
if chak mol had been a better conversationalist.
Perhaps he was shy.
Thank you.
Shh!
Sorry.
Ah!
They're too spread out for us to get all at once.
I think there might be a solution
to this problem forthcoming.
Hombres!
Uno,
dos...
Tres.
Uh! aah!
We split up here.
That left tunnel lets you out above the village.
Wait for my signal.
Good luck.
I think a little prayer is in order
before we embark upon this perilous ordeal.
Join me in reciting the lord's prayer.
"Our father who art in heaven,
"hallowed be thy name.
"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done
on earth, as it is in heaven."
This is a sorry war party, brown man.
I did the best i could, red man.
I'm here to free my people.
Don't you get in my way.
Wouldn't think of it.
Hyaa!
Thomas,
I'd like to have a word with you.
If it's short.
I find your behavior in this endeavor questionable.
It's perfectly obvious to me what you're doing.
You're using this boy as a diversion
so that you can steal lots of gold.
Only dancing bear's motivated
by honorable intentions.
You're all a bunch of mercenaries.
You finished?
Yes.
I--i had to get it off my chest.
I hope you feel better. Come on, rio!
[Neigh]
El diablo won't touch that kid without his spur.
When I arrived at El diablo's compound,
he was not in the vicinity.
I decided to wait and not be impatient.
I knew I was carrying an Ace in my pocket, so to speak.
[Neigh]
So you are the boy who killed pestoso.
What is your name, little boy?
William Raymond Smith.
Mr., uh...
Devil, is it?
I understand, Mr. William Raymond Smith,
you have brought something for me.
Yes, sir.
This is my spur, i believe.
That is correct.
There is something missing.
That is also correct.
Where is the missing piece?
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
Oh?
I want to exchange it, the missing piece that is,
for the girl.
What girl is that?
Miss nettie tuleen.
You kidnaped her in front of my school
about five weeks ago.
So many towns. So many girls.
She's about 5'4",
blond hair,
blue eyes,
quite attractive,
and a very good student.
Does she look like...
This girl?
Yes, she does.
Uh, I don't recall that outfit.
Yes.
She is quite attractive.
I could not believe my eyes.
This was not the nettie
who was in my classroom five weeks ago.
It was El diablo's work, i was sure.
She is a very good student.
Nettie!
I like my spurs very much, Mr. Smith.
They belonged to my father
and his father's father's father.
I would like the missing piece
you have stolen.
Technically, it wasn't stolen.
But, you see Rosita?
My Rosita means more to me
than a family bauble.
Huh.
There's the boy.
Uh-huh.
They're all over the place.
It seems your plan has taken
an unexpected turn for the worse, Thomas.
Uh!
Spare spurs.
Spoiled by spare spurs.
Try saying that three times fast.
Spoiled by spare spurs. Spoiled by spare spurs.
Shut up!
I'm sorry.
It's just I'm worried about the boy.
Do you think they'll hurt him?
I'm going to hurt you if you don't shut up.
Kid durango.
My people always ride in the back.
You can ride in the front going home.
It's your turn.
I'm not getting in the back with that godforsaken--
don't call her godforsaken.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'll handle this. These are my people.
Buenos dias, amigos.
¿Como estamos? Todo bien.
Nice pants.
These are not my people.
Damn! I knew we should have taken a right
at that last fork.
Throw down your weapons.
Settle down here. We got no quarrel.
We're delivering supplies.
Atalicus Collin's catering. How do you do?
I'd like to introduce my assistants.
This is Bob and bebe.
We have fine wines, delicacies--
[gunshot]
What's in the bag?
It's nothing.
You can have anything you want in the wagon,
but don't touch the bag, ok?
I will decide what I want.
Amigo,
I would rather die
than to give you that bag.
Oh!
Any other requests?
Gringo, the bag!
Pronto!
[Hissing]
Aah!
Uh!
[Hissing]
When my family came to this country, Mr. Smith,
they encountered incredible intelligence
and incredible savagery.
The mayas built pyramids,
charted the heavens, and gave us our calendar
but the aztecs brought the art of human sacrifice
to a new height.
[Gunshots]
Aw, Jesus!
Come on! God! Come on!
Come on!
Jeez!
Oh, what the hell!
Yeeha!
Yeeha ha ha ha!
El diablo!
Company is coming, you son of a bitch!
Ha ha ha! Yeeha!
Aah!
[Women screaming]
[Gunshot]
Whole lot different than writing about it, huh, Truman?
He took nettie. We have to catch him.
Mm-hmm.
Oh ho ho ho ho!
Good old bebe.
So that's why you're here,
for the gold.
That's more important to you than saving the girl?
The girl ain't my problem.
I found a piece of nettie's outfit next to the cave.
It confirmed my suspicion
that El diablo had forced her to escape with him.
Nettie?
Nettie!
Hello, little boy. Looking for something?
I want the girl.
How are you going to get her back,
with your little stick?
Ha ha!
Give up the girl, diablo.
Now, who is this, little boy?
My name...
Is kid durango.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh. kid durango.
Am I to be frightened by this name?
Truman, you don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
Truman.
Since you are the guest, Mr. kid durango,
I will wait for you to make the first move.
Truman, you didn't have to do that.
I did.
Uh! I did.
Uh!
Ow! it hurts.
Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Uh! ow!
I never thought about the pain.
I assumed it would be over quickly.
Perhaps I should have looked at his hands,
not his eyes.
You know,
you're ruining a perfectly good scarf.
I'm sorry.
[Coughing]
I want you to do something for me.
Anything. anything. I'll do anything.
Kill him.
Kill El diablo.
Complete the story, Billy ray.
Truman, Truman, you're not going to die.
I know.
I've never felt so alive.
In whose arms are you going to die, little boy?
He didn't even go for his gun.
I was getting bored. I'm busy.
Now, where would you like me to shoot you?
I will give you the choice.
Where?
¿En la cabeza?
¿El corazon?
Uh...
El...
Ha ha ha ha ha!
¿Estomago?
I would not recommend the stomach.
It's very painful and takes a long time to die.
But make your decision quickly, please.
You see, I'm an impatient man.
How about you wing me on the shoulder, right about here?
You are very funny, little boy.
Ha.
I think maybe...
La cabeza.
Diablo!
Finally, someone who is worthy of the challenge.
Cut the bullshit, El diablo.
Make your move.
You want a chaw?
Want to try again?
[Gunshot]
Damn, boy. You shot him in the back.
Well, his back was to me.
Ha ha ha!
I forgot.
I shot El diablo.
It may not have been a showdown
in the street at high noon,
but it happened.
Mr. Van leek was there to document the event.
He seemed to approve of my tactics.
We buried the preacher, Roberto, bebe, and Truman
in the high plains.
Dancing bear picked out the spot,
saying that the ground was rich in his ancestors' blood
and would nourish our compatriots' souls.
I don't have much left to say
except I don't plan to join you soon.
It was with great sadness as I knelt to Truman's grave.
He had saved my life,
and there was no way to pay him back.
He had proven to be perhaps the bravest of us all.
I regret that would never know him.
Coffee.
Flour.
Yeast.
Look at that!
It looks like Billy ray!
My god!
Is that nettie tuleen?
Isn't that Billy ray? Sure looks different.
Yeah. used to wear a hat, didn't he?
Oh!
That's nettie tuleen! She's come back.
Didn't think I'd see that boy again.
Whoa.
Thank you.
Coming back, Billy ray?
Someday.
Did you kill El diablo, Billy ray?
Only god can kill the devil, Charlie.
That's right, Billy ray. That's right.
Ha ha ha!
When I told Mr. Van leek
I was going to write an account of our adventure,
his ears pricked up.
Suddenly he was a fountain of information,
or should I say fabrication?
He really got rolling when I mentioned
I intended to pen a series of books.
Don't write about a white boy
with a fancy hat and shirt.
I want to hear about the way it really is,
about squaring off with another man,
look him right in the--
in the back?
Right. and you shoot him--
before he knows what hit him.
Ha ha ha ha!
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