1 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:27,040 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,159 Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News for You. 4 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,639 I'm Alexander Armstrong. In the news this week, 5 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,559 in Cheshire, the world's richest dog 6 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,720 supervises the digging up of his favourite bone. 7 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,519 In Pyongyang, a four-hour speech by Kim Jong-un 8 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,920 begins to take its toll on the bladder. 9 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,879 And the owner of Julie's Cafe in Romford 10 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,879 rejects suggestions that customers would be put off 11 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,600 if they knew how she made her omelettes. 12 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:17,880 Oh! 13 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,399 On Ian's team tonight is a comedian who recently revealed 14 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,039 his love of the horror genre 15 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,119 and is a particular fan of The Walking Dead, 16 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,359 so you've got at least one supporter, Prime Minister. 17 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,319 Please welcome Phil Wang. 18 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:34,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 19 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,919 On Paul's team tonight is a stand-up and presenter 20 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,919 who is usually surrounded by Loose Women. 21 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,519 But tonight we'll have to make do with some uptight men. 22 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,479 Please welcome Judi Love. 23 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 24 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,479 We begin with the bigger news stories of the week. 25 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,479 Ian and Phil, here is yours. 26 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,919 Oh, Andy Burnham. 27 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,719 "Bye-bye, Manchester." 28 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,560 Wes Streeting at a sixth-form open day. 29 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,919 Keir Starmer making some coffee. 30 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,080 "This will keep people awake after they listen to me." 31 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,080 "I used to be a barrister." 32 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 33 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,359 - We've got another by-election, baby. - Mm-hm. 34 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:25,199 It's too much. I'm learning a new constituency every week. 35 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,639 Yeah, and what is the constituency in this case? 36 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,599 - This case is Makerfield. - Yes. 37 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,479 So now I know about Makerfield. I know about Gorton and Denton. 38 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,039 - Yes. - I assumed that was a comedy duo from the '70s, Gorton and Denton. 39 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,959 Most of the council elections point to a Reform victory. 40 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,079 So it'd be a lot of effort to give up being mayor, 41 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,919 give up, you know, your job, and then go and lose a by-election. 42 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,919 But he may not. 43 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:52,960 He may not deliver the comedy value that that would entail. 44 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,719 There are other parties. 45 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,559 I've got to say that because this is the BBC. 46 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,119 Fringe parties you have to mention now. 47 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,840 The Conservatives are standing... 48 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,039 And now Andy Burnham, in his hopes to replace 49 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,159 a Prime Minister who keeps U-turning, 50 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,879 has U-turned on his Brexit position 51 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,839 to kind of be a friend to all sides here. 52 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,560 But by doing a U-turn, he's proved he's fit for office. 53 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,559 But I mean, the thing about U-turns is, I mean, 54 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,119 it's always portrayed as, "Ah, you've changed your mind." 55 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,439 But that's a good thing, isn't it? 56 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,159 Sometimes, you know, as reality changes? 57 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,120 Otherwise, you know, we'd still be appeasing Hitler. 58 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,159 That is a very good analogy. 59 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,719 Thank you very much. 60 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,839 I spent all night thinking of that. 61 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,159 But it is true, though, isn't it? 62 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,319 I mean, if somebody just rigorously stuck to the same policy 63 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,159 despite change in circumstances, 64 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,239 that would be odd as well, wouldn't it? 65 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,520 That would be Liz Truss. 66 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,639 I suppose it depends how many times they U-turn. 67 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,320 Yeah. U-turn twice, they're in the same direction, aren't they? 68 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,159 - Doesn't matter. - What's the really bad news for Wes Streeting, though? 69 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,079 - Um... - No-one likes him. 70 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,759 This is essentially it. 71 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,279 He's less popular than Keir Starmer, which no-one thought was possible. 72 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,599 This is right. According to YouGov, 73 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,079 in a leadership contest, Andy Burnham would beat him easily. 74 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,079 Keir Starmer would beat him easily. 75 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,919 What about Angela Rayner? What about Angela Rayner? 76 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,519 - Angela Rayner would beat him physically. - Beat him easily. 77 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,320 LAUGHTER 78 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,440 APPLAUSE 79 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,519 There would probably be someone, 80 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,759 if they thought about it, who he could beat. 81 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,120 Ah! 82 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,879 Do you know when the by-election is happening? 83 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,919 - June. - 18th. - 18th. - 18th of June, 84 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,319 which is an important European anniversary. 85 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,399 I wonder what that is. 86 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,079 - Is it the Black Death? - No, more recent than that. 87 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,919 It's the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo. 88 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,079 - Is it? - Yes. - Excellent. - I only found out 89 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,959 the Battle of Waterloo didn't happen in Waterloo in London... 90 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,120 LAUGHTER 91 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,559 I assumed it was there. I was like, 92 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,519 "Well, why would it be called the Battle of Waterloo?" 93 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,719 I mean, it could be that they named the railway station 94 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,400 - after the battle. - Yeah, I put that together. 95 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,519 No, I just... Just a thought. 96 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,199 Are you equally baffled by the Battle of Trafalgar? 97 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,399 Yeah. 98 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,320 Were they on top of the pillar, or how did they...? 99 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,679 Did everyone see Reform's Robert Jenrick in the Commons this week? 100 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,719 - No. - He was in full flow, giving it to the Government. 101 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,319 - Let's have a look at that. - Yeah. 102 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:34,999 People across our country, 103 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,759 including most in my home county of Nottinghamshire, 104 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,119 put their trust in this party. 105 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,519 Why? 106 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,319 Because they promised change. 107 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,679 They said they would do things differently. 108 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,839 They would be better. They would end the chaos. 109 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,359 They would put country before party. 110 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,919 And where are we? 111 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,319 Where are we less than two years later? 112 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,039 - You're in a different party. - We're here... 113 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,479 LAUGHTER 114 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,279 APPLAUSE 115 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,880 We're here. 116 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,559 Where are we? We're here. 117 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,440 - You used to be there. - We're here. 118 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,039 - Oh, you've got to love it. - While we're discussing Reform 119 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,439 and how Nigel Farage paid for his new house, 120 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,919 was anyone surprised by how much Farage claims 121 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,319 he was paid for being on I'm A Celebrity? 122 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,159 - Yeah. - One million? - 1.5 million. 123 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,839 - £1.5 million! - Yeah. 124 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,919 For eating what? Like... 125 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,279 - Goat's dick. - Yeah. Duck tongue and slug dick. 126 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,279 I eat that at Chinese New Year for free every year. 127 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,879 Does that surprise you at all, Judi? 128 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,239 I would like... The fact that he got some money and... 129 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,199 - Yeah, I'd like... - You'd like to do it? 130 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,359 - No, no! - Oh, no. - No. 131 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,920 I've had a... No, no. 132 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,199 I said that too harsh. I mean, what I mean is, 133 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,799 "No, no, not yet." 134 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,960 LAUGHTER 135 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:56,079 GB News's Keith Bays is still shouting in Downing Street, 136 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,839 - by the way. Did you see what happened this week? - Er... 137 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,039 No. Have you got some footage? 138 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,239 - I certainly have, yes. - Let's have a look. 139 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,000 Should we rejoin the European Union, Minister? 140 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,279 Who is running the country while you are fighting? 141 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,279 Be careful, Minister. 142 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,160 LAUGHTER 143 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,239 According to the i newspaper, 144 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,919 Labour ministers are already jostling for top jobs 145 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,239 in the next government. 146 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,680 And talking of Andy Burnham's plum positions... 147 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,919 Any strong views on his shorts? 148 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,359 - - They're not that short. 149 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,920 You should see the pair Ian's wearing tonight. I mean... 150 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,440 According to The Telegraph, most people's reaction would be... 151 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,079 It's interesting that a few days after 152 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,399 that photo of Burnham was taken, 153 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,800 Wes Streeting appeared in slightly longer shorts. 154 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,119 Ah, yes. Good move. 155 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,840 So then Andy Burnham adjusted his shorts as well. 156 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,640 - - That is definitely a phone in your pocket, bredren. 157 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,119 Here are other ministers out running. 158 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,400 Michael Gove. 159 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,400 - - It looks like he's running to the hospital. I don't know. 160 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,560 Boris Johnson. 161 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,680 AUDIENCE GROANS 162 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,559 - - Oh, Boris. Oh, man. Breasts and everything. 163 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,720 I mean... 164 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,000 Matt Hancock. 165 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,039 Maybe politicians just think running 166 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,919 brings them closer to the electorate. 167 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,439 Here is Matt Hancock receiving a friendly greeting 168 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,640 while he's out for a run. 169 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,279 Matt Hancock, you shagger! 170 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,200 LAUGHTER 171 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,600 That guy from GB News gets everywhere, doesn't he? 172 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,639 Yes, this is the challenge to the Labour Party leadership 173 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,639 and the prospect of a new prime minister. 174 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,959 Andy Burnham is known as the King of the North, 175 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,319 which in a leadership race puts him at an advantage 176 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,239 over London-born Wes Streeting. 177 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,720 Unless he changes his first name from Wes to Coronation. 178 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,280 According to one biography, Andy Burnham is the son of... 179 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:14,160 ...which explains his appeal to the progressive LBTGP group. 180 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,799 - Paul and Judi. - Yes. - Here's yours. 181 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:21,959 Oh! 182 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,359 Oh, welcome to Leeds. 183 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,559 Obviously I'm just reading out what it says there. 184 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,319 This is a new sign. 185 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,959 There we are again. "Welcome to Leeds." 186 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,319 Can't get enough of that picture. And there we are again. 187 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,479 - "Welcome to Leeds." - Yeah. This camera only leads you to Leeds. 188 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,639 This is it. There's been controversy, 189 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,639 although it's hard to see, really, what people are worried about. 190 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,039 But they're saying that the word Leeds doesn't look right, 191 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,639 that the D is an upside-down P. 192 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,639 - People are up in arms about it. - They really are. - Really annoyed. 193 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,639 Who particularly cares? 194 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,519 - Um... - Four people that has got us chatting about this shit. 195 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,800 Oh, no. It's way more... 196 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,559 It's way more than that. It's huge. 197 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:02,439 - The upgrade to the station has cost £46 million. - What? 198 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,679 ITV's regional news programme Calendar 199 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,119 asked viewers to post their comments on the font. 200 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,200 Chris kicked things off. 201 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,600 Alison agreed. 202 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,159 And then all hell broke loose. 203 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,600 All kicked off. 204 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,879 And finally, and let's be honest, there's always one. 205 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,160 Someone took issue with the whole premise of the font discussion. 206 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,840 Wait till they find out the W is an upside-down M. 207 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,639 - - Now looking at it, the D does look a little bit small. 208 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,319 No, that E is floating up. The second E's gone up. 209 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,599 - Oh, the Es are too... - Yeah. 210 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,319 - I've taken two Es too close together before. - Yeah. 211 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,240 LAUGHTER 212 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,279 What's been the other big train story of this week? 213 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,199 Yeah. It was even more waste of money. 214 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,719 Yeah. HR2, whatever it's called. 215 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,799 - Um... - Yes. - The high speed railway thing, which is now 216 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,039 sort of like going to cost billions more, 217 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,079 it's not going to be ready for another 15 years, 218 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,359 it's only going to go to Birmingham. It's going to go at half speed. 219 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,639 The whole thing is a disaster, but they've spent so much money 220 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,199 that they can't sort of back out of it now. 221 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,799 They've got to keep going until it's, you know, it's pointless. 222 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,039 - Heidi Alexander, the Transport Secretary... - 100 billion. 223 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,919 Yes. ..announced on Tuesday the cost of HS2 would rise to £100 billion, 224 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,359 which is triple the original cost signed off by the coalition in 2012. 225 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,719 And someone rather brilliant pointed out 226 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,639 the total cost to getting the Artemis crew 227 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,239 to go to the Moon and back is cheaper. 228 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,880 - Yeah. - Wow. - Than going to Birmingham. - A fifth cheaper. 229 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,319 - There we go. - Yeah. 230 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,999 So we're given a choice. Would you rather go to Birmingham or the Moon? 231 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,640 - Well, yes. - It depends if there's a replacement Moon service. 232 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,639 Yeah. According to the i paper, 233 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,639 what did HS2 Limited spend £100 million on? 234 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,639 - Bat tunnel. - Yes, that's exactly right. 235 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,240 They spent £100 million on a... 236 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,720 Why can't Batman pay for his own tunnel? 237 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,879 Yeah, he's got loads of money. 238 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:13,079 It would work out at £340,000 per bat. 239 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,199 - That's a nice stat. - And they did a survey of the bats, 240 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,000 and none of them want to go to Manchester! 241 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,599 In other UK news, what did a BBC Panorama allege this week? 242 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,639 - Married At First Sight? - Yes, that's exactly right. 243 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,919 Yes, Channel 4 have removed the UK version of their hit reality show 244 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,519 Married At First Sight from its streaming platform, 245 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,119 after Panorama revealed allegations 246 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,079 of rape and sexual assault by three participants. 247 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,279 The show involves people agreeing to live as a married couple 248 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,039 with someone they've never met before, and living together 249 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,799 in a flat, sometimes unsupervised by the production team. 250 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,839 At first sight, that's a terrible idea. 251 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,519 - Yes. - And thus it proved. 252 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,199 - It's a deeply unpleasant idea, isn't it? - Yes. 253 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,359 Arranged Marriage Live would have a different ring to it, wouldn't it? 254 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,759 - It would. - According to the CEO of Channel 4, Priya Dogra, 255 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,160 when Channel 4 first heard about contributor concerns... 256 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,679 By continuing to air the relevant episodes 257 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,039 right up until Panorama went out on Monday. 258 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,639 Why do channels broadcast these shows? 259 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,320 Because they like rubbish. 260 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,279 - It's popular. - Extremely popular. 261 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,760 Here are just some of the shows in the past five years at Channel 4. 262 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,719 Oh, yeah, I'd watch that. 263 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,400 And then of course 24 Hours In Police Custody. 264 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,159 The truth of the matter is people will do anything 265 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,800 - to be on television. I mean... - Yeah. 266 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,999 Every name that you mentioned, the audience was going, 267 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,040 "Oh, oh!" That means these nasty buggers have watched them! 268 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,919 - Some of them have been in it. - Yeah. And that was the same noise 269 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,999 they were making when they was watching it. "Oh! Oh!" 270 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,919 I missed that one. Nasty Buggers - was that...? 271 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,959 It was on later, was it? 272 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,239 OK, this is a Channel 4 show. 273 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,480 Let's see if we can guess what this involves. 274 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,519 - Oh! - Is that one show? - It is one show. 275 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,639 Well, I can tell you two teams try to win a cash prize by racing across 276 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,319 the countryside, naked. 277 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,599 - Shall we have a look? I can give you a little insight. - Go on, then. 278 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,599 Are we watching this from the front or the back? 279 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,839 We can watch the whole... 280 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,559 KLAXON Come on! 281 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,679 Racing across unforgiving terrain... 282 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,360 I'm stuck! LAUGHTER 283 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,839 ...will they be able to find food... 284 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,119 Oh! 285 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,719 No chance in hell! 286 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,519 I think that looks fine. 287 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,119 ...survive the cold of the British night... 288 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,719 - It's pitch-black and I'm absolutely - BLEEP - freezing. 289 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,879 ...or manage not to get arrested? 290 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,519 SIREN WAILS Get in, get in! 291 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,720 Oh, my gosh! I felt like I could smell so much through the screen. 292 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,759 - Andy Burnham's got an inspiration for his next run. - Yeah! 293 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,359 It says they have to race to get home. 294 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,239 - Yeah. - So, suppose there's nobody home, how are they going to get in? 295 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,719 I mean, they haven't got any house keys with them. 296 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,880 - There's many places you can hide keys. - That's true. 297 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,079 Where have they put the microphones? 298 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,400 - Again... - There's many places you can hide... 299 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,039 This is the new welcome sign at Leeds Station. 300 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,400 No, it isn't! 301 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,639 There is another issue with the sign in the Yorkshire city. 302 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,919 The words "Piss off, you southern bastards" 303 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,000 has been spelt "welcome to". 304 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,999 If you look closely at that sign, you can see the L, D and S 305 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,319 have been screwed on, 306 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,799 but I think they've attached the E by gum. 307 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,479 AUDIENCE GROANS Oh, my God! 308 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,119 Concerned about the chaos surrounding HS2, 309 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,479 Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander told the Commons 310 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,519 in June she was keen to draw a line in the sand, 311 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480 which should be completed by 2057. 312 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,439 And so to Round Two, the animalometer of news. 313 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,920 Fingers on buzzers, teams. Here is your first one. 314 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,599 BUZZER Oh! Ian and Phil. 315 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,559 - It's a swan. - It's a goose! 316 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,879 - Do we get the point? It's a goose?! - Yeah. - Silly goose. - Goose. 317 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,839 What's the difference between a goose and a swan? 318 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,639 - Well, you can't get arrested for swanning. - Yeah. Um... 319 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,719 It is the news that thieves in Kent are on the loose with a goose. 320 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,239 - So a goose has been kidnapped? - It has, yes. - Wow! 321 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,199 Does anyone want to have a guess at the goose's name? 322 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,399 - George. - Well, you got the right letter... 323 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,559 Oh! 324 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,119 Much-loved by locals. 325 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,440 Until last Tuesday, he lived happily with his boyfriend... 326 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,839 Aw! 327 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,200 Here they are together. 328 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,039 - That's nice. - That's nice. 329 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,319 A local resident reported that Gandalf had been bundled into 330 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,559 the boot of a dark-coloured estate car. 331 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,240 The dreadful incident occurred in the village of... 332 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,879 - Unless, of course, it's pronounced Base-ted. - Yes. 333 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,760 Which is even worse news for the goose! 334 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,999 The local villager also had a memorable name. 335 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,319 - Anyone know what that is? - The local villager? 336 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,599 I don't know... Well, you don't even know the Gandalf story, 337 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,239 so how you're going to know Nigel Sheepwash's name... 338 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,839 - Wow! - ...I have no idea. 339 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,479 Following reports of a man 340 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,999 seen bundling Gandalf into his car and driving off, 341 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,599 landlord Benjamin McConnachie announced he's offering 342 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,319 a reward for information. 343 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,199 He's also offering a locally sourced foie gras terrine starter 344 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,760 on the menu at his pub. 345 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,399 To the animalometer. 346 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,319 - Animalometer, yes, OK. - Fingers on buzzers. - Yeah. - Here we go. 347 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,640 - Here's another one. - OK. 348 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,479 BUZZER 349 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,320 - Yes, Ian and Phil. - It's a swan. - See if you can redeem yourself! 350 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,799 - What colour is that cat? - White cat. 351 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,639 We've seen that cat before, haven't we? 352 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,599 - It's like a James Bond villain cat. - Yes, it is. 353 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,279 - Ah! - Yes. This is the news 354 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,159 that auditions for the next James Bond are under way. 355 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,679 - Yes. - Wow! - Do you want to know who's in the running? 356 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,879 - I took my hat out of the... - You've taken it out of the ring? 357 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,599 Yeah, I'm not... I'm not auditioning. 358 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,640 I didn't want to be in hock to the Bond market. 359 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,359 Oh, that's brilliant. 360 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,719 APPLAUSE 361 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,159 - Sorry. Sorry! - There we go. 362 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,199 I can tell you two of the front runners. 363 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,639 - They are Callum Turner... - Oh, really?! - Yes. 364 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,759 ...and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. 365 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,360 Oh, I'd take the second one. 366 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,439 Which surprising name threw their hat into the ring 367 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:23,559 for this role? 368 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,720 Gyles Brandreth. 369 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,319 It was Donald Trump. 370 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,079 The official White House X account 371 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,280 - tweeted this picture over the weekend. - Oh! 372 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,480 "The Man With The Golden Face." 373 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,000 "Grab an Octopussy." 374 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,759 On a related note, who got into trouble for spying this week? 375 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,519 Oh, it was a representative of Southampton Football Club... 376 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,199 - Exactly right. - ...who was rather idiotically caught 377 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,439 filming Middlesbrough training behind a tree. 378 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,479 Wel, not behind the tree - standing beside a tree, 379 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,719 holding a phone up, like that. 380 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,999 Yeah, there it is. 381 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,839 - That's him there, yeah. - That's it. Yeah. 382 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,120 - CLATTERING - Oh, that's him there, as well! 383 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,959 Well, it's tricky getting caught spying in Middlesbrough 384 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,959 because you don't have an excuse, right? You can't say, 385 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,040 "I'm a tourist." 386 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,839 And Southampton have now been booted out of 387 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,279 - the Championship play-off final. - Yes. - The offence was only discovered 388 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,560 when Middlesbrough noticed someone was paying attention. 389 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,639 This is the search for the new James Bond. 390 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,439 Bond fans have voiced concerns over how much influence 391 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,079 Amazon will have over the film, 392 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,639 after a leaked script showed Bond leaving 393 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,680 a nuclear warhead with the villain's neighbour. 394 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,639 The new James Bond needs to be suave, 395 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,959 smooth-talking and at the peak of physical fitness. 396 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,639 LAUGHTER 397 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,639 Time now for the Odd One Out round. 398 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,879 Your four are... 399 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,399 UK Eurovision entry Look Mum No Computer, 400 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,759 a banshee, 401 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,199 a Waymo driverless taxi, 402 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,999 and the town of Plympton. 403 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,759 Oh, well, the UK entry didn't do well at Eurovision. 404 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,599 Ukraine, I think, gave us one point, right at the last minute, 405 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,199 - in return for all that support. - Yeah! 406 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,639 £86 billion well spent, isn't it? 407 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,639 His song was amusingly called Eins, Zwei, Drei, 408 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:13,960 and we got Ein! 409 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,639 - Is it screaming? Because banshees scream... - Mm. 410 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,439 ...and then something bad happens. 411 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,879 - He sang... - Yes. 412 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,919 ...and then something quite bad happened. 413 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,639 - Yes. - Waymo screamed. 414 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,039 The sirens make a noise, and people complained. 415 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,159 - Which one's the odd one out? - Plympton. - Plympton... 416 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,119 - Plympton is the odd one out. Yeah. - Because they like noise. 417 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,239 Well, no. They all make a terrible noise, apart from 418 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:36,759 the town of Plympton in Devon, 419 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:40,119 - which makes a terrible smell. - Smell! - What has been causing it? 420 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,959 - Mrs Watkins at number 48. - They've narrowed it down. 421 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,720 They've narrowed it down to the... 422 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,759 I wonder what took them so long. 423 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,600 - Yeah. - "All we've got here is the big shit factory and the bakery. Hm! 424 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,959 - "Maybe it's the bakery!" - According to the Plymouth Herald, 425 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,760 local water company South West Water is trying to help by... 426 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,080 - Wow! - Oh, my gosh. - As opposed to spraying shit into the river. 427 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,399 It still smells of shit, but there's a nice... 428 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,160 HE SNIFFS ...Davidoff Cool water. Mm! 429 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,839 In related news, why has head of Welsh Water 430 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,639 been criticised recently? 431 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,200 - Because the rivers are filthy. - Well, Steve Wilson is Welsh Water's... 432 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,599 ...but he's come under fire for not taking his job seriously enough. 433 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,639 Here he is being interviewed on ITV News. 434 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,639 I had a look at your social media posts, 435 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,959 and your Twitter handle, or X handle, I should say these days, 436 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,119 is turdherder69. 437 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:36,639 AUDIENCE LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 438 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,200 And to be fair, turdherder 1 to 68 had all gone, so... 439 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,680 Turdherder69. Now, that is messy! 440 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,279 At least he's actually herding. 441 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,479 That's true. 442 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,679 - He's attempting to do the job. - A shit shepherd. - A shit shepherd! 443 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,839 Look Mum No Computer, he represented the UK. 444 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,879 - Should we just have a quick listen to his entry? - Yes! - Here it is. 445 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,279 ♪ Oh 446 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,239 ♪ Eins, zwei, drei Darlin', I need something salty 447 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,039 ♪ Eins, zwei, drei With a slice of pepperoni 448 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,719 ♪ I'll pay, you can owe me 449 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,799 ♪ That'll be a pony 450 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,319 ♪ Eins, zwei, drei 451 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,799 ♪ I'm comin' back to life. ♪ 452 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,279 Mm! 453 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,879 There was no discernible difference in the song when he stopped 454 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,399 playing his... keyboard. 455 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,719 Let's just watch the dying moments of Look Mum No Computer's evening. 456 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,719 - - Oh, good luck! 457 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,759 CHEERING 458 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,399 After the audience vote, 459 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,879 you have received zero points. 460 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,679 Oh! 461 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,199 Ah, well. 462 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,719 - Oh...! - And, yes, Waymo driverless taxis - 463 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,319 do you know what noise they make? 464 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,519 It's sort of when they arrive to pick you up, 465 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,239 because there's no-one there, they bleep and reverse. 466 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:53,919 I thought they'd go... 467 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,800 ♪ Whoa, bitch, get out the way, get out the way! ♪ 468 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,079 - OK! - Is that what taxis normally do? 469 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,039 - Yeah. - They're annoying local residents because they keep 470 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,679 getting stuck down one particular cul-de-sac in East London. 471 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,159 They have to reverse out while making this noise. 472 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,400 HIGH-PITCHED DRONING 473 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,119 I was waiting for like, a little hip-hop beat to come in there. 474 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,159 - Yeah, thought that was a Eurovision entry. - Yes! 475 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,159 Would've got more points. 476 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,759 What other high-tech invention has needed tweaking this week? 477 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,039 - Robots, is it? - It was a robot in Shenzhen, 478 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,199 - in China. - Yes, it was dancing. - Yes. - Performing to Billie Jean. 479 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,119 - Michael Jackson. - Shall we have a look at that? - Go on, then. 480 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:38,720 Billie Jean by Michael Jackson 481 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,920 LAUGHTER 482 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,800 LAUGHTER 483 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:07,320 LAUGHTER 484 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,320 APPLAUSE 485 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,679 - Why did they put the stairs there? It would have been fine. - I know! 486 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:22,359 - Yeah! - "After building the set for the Big Wobbly Robot Expo, 487 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,319 - "why don't we add some obstacles in here?" - I don't know why 488 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,599 we needed a robot to show us that. You could go to any wedding 489 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,039 and that will be the bride's dad at the end of it, 490 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,079 being dragged off. 491 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,199 Well, they have all made a terrible noise, 492 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,639 apart from the town of Plympton, 493 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,239 which makes a terrible smell. 494 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,839 And if you were thinking of visiting Plympton this bank holiday weekend, 495 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,280 I'd give it five minutes. 496 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,799 Look Mum No Computer came last, making it the third time 497 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,239 in recent years. 498 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,919 For many English viewers, the UK entry was a lesson in German 499 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,400 as they learned the words... 500 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,760 ...and also "Schiesse". 501 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:01,239 One review said the problem was that the performance was "overthought" - 502 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,600 although sadly, it wasn't over quickly. 503 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,199 Time now for the Missing Words round, 504 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,520 and we start with... 505 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,879 Oh, I heard this. It was your show. Bruckner turned out to be Brahms! 506 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,879 Argh! No. 507 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,479 It was "Wes Streeting turns out to be three kids stood on 508 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,000 "each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat." 509 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,399 The mistake happened on Argentinian radio 510 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,639 when the man they'd booked as an expert on UFOs 511 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,320 revealed he was, in fact, a urologist. 512 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,159 Oh, well, he was just taking the piss! 513 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,759 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 514 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,239 There is actually a link between urology and ufology, 515 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,640 as this particular alien is an expert at giving prostate exams. 516 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,680 Next... 517 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,479 "For West Bromwich Albion". 518 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,080 - - "Waitrose, half price". 519 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,560 "As new host of Strictly". 520 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,680 - Oh, God! - You were almost right when you said Waitrose! 521 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,959 Not the first time someone has gone into M&S and thought, 522 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,560 "Well, that's a little DEER." 523 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,240 Next... 524 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,240 "Soldier". 525 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,160 No, it's a bit long... 526 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,519 Oh, you're kidding! 527 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,880 The albino buffalo lives on a farm in Bangladesh. Here it is. 528 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,160 - - Aha! 529 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,520 Finally... 530 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,279 "Fox with independent income sought by police 531 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,840 "for no-strings relationship." 532 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,599 Here is the culprit. 533 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,799 - Aawww! - Aawww! 534 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,520 It's either stolen sausages, or it's bitten King Charles's hand off. 535 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:13,160 And so the final scores are: Paul and Judi on 4; Ian and Phil, 7! 536 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,959 But before we go, there is just time for the Caption Competition. 537 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,959 Ian and Phil, you have this. 538 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,359 Oh, there's the new HS2 train! 539 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,600 LAUGHTER 540 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,879 Paul and Judi, you get this. 541 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,759 Woman behind's saying, "Brace yourself, Doris!" 542 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,280 LAUGHTER 543 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,679 She could be saying, "Look, this is the last one I'm removing!" 544 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,280 LAUGHTER 545 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,799 On which note we say thank you to our panellists - 546 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,119 Ian Hislop and Phil Wang, Paul Merton and Judi Love - 547 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:52,719 and I leave you with news that as the Labour leadership contest 548 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,440 intensifies, the whole nation is agog with excitement. 549 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,039 In Beijing, President Xi explains to his guests that the trap door 550 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,560 to his shark tank is just a couple of feet to the left. 551 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,439 And at a charity event in Cheltenham, 552 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,879 an unexpected gust of wind 553 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,160 lifts Joanna Lumley's skirt above the knee. 554 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,559 Goodnight. 555 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,520 APPLAUSE, CHEERING