1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:10,215 This program me contains some strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:32,255 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. 3 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,935 Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You? 4 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,135 I am Professor Hannah Fry. 5 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,735 In the news this week... 6 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,655 As the Lib Dems step up campaigning, there's embarrassment as the props 7 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,535 for one of their publicity stunts gets mixed up with a delivery 8 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,735 of laptops for needy children. 9 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:56,815 Three, two, one... 10 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,255 In Windsor, one man is delighted with the new ashtray 11 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,615 he's buying his wife for Christmas. 12 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,815 Very grateful. 13 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,615 LAUGHTER. 14 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,175 And in Leicestershire, one family successfully 15 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,815 trains their pet to tell them when a yoghurt is past 16 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,255 its sell-by date. 17 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,295 CAT RETCHES. 18 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:27,135 LAUGHTER. 19 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:31,935 On tan's team tonight, 20 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,575 we have a journalist and broadcaster who recently interviewed heavy metal 21 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,975 fans while they were getting tattoos at a music festival. 22 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,375 So, presumably, this isn't the first time she's met lan. 23 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,175 Please welcome Zing Tsjeng. 24 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:45,335 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 25 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:49,015 And on Paul's team tonight we have an actor 26 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,655 and broadcaster who next year will be hosting a game show 27 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,695 called Password. 28 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,095 Of course, there will be regular guests, but each episode 29 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,015 will also feature at least one special character. 30 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,695 Plus one number and a capital letter. 31 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,855 Please welcome Stephen Mangan. 32 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:07,215 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 33 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,895 OK, we begin with the bigger news stories of the week. 34 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,295 Ian and Zing, you have a little look at this. 35 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,975 Oh, Rishi's running, from the... From Suella. 36 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,375 He's heard the call from Celebrity SAS and he's there. 37 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,055 That's no-one in this budget. 38 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,255 And that's the life-support system. 39 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,175 "Yep, it's off." 40 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,215 This is the Autumn Statement, and the Chancellor, he makes 41 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,135 an Autumn Statement, and this autumn he'd said, 42 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,575 "Please vote for us." Yeah. 43 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,095 This government said it would not consider tax cuts, 44 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,775 we can't afford it - until they saw the opinion polls, 45 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,215 and they thought, yeah, all right. 46 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,655 The maths is very complicated here. 47 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,695 Yes, it absolutely is. 48 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,095 Because they say we've had tax cuts, and the Office 49 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,255 for Budget Responsibility says, no, the tax is almost 50 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,095 the highest ever. 51 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,775 There was a lot of talk beforehand between Rishi Sunak and Jeremy Hunt 52 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,615 about how now is the right time for tax cuts - how do we know that 53 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:00,655 that must be correct? 54 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,095 Because they want to get elected? 55 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,495 Because only a few weeks ago, according to the Times... 56 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,615 LAUGHTER 57 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,255 Also in the Mail on Sunday at the end of October, 58 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,895 a Whitehall source said... 59 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,255 LAUGHTER 60 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,415 How come there is suddenly a lot more money 61 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,455 for fiscal stimulus, though? 62 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,335 It's all the money they've saved from not deporting people to Rwanda 63 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,775 now that they can't do it. 64 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,175 What's interesting about this budget is, it's got a lot 65 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,055 of detailed plans in it which, given that they're going to lose 66 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,535 the election, just don't...matter. 67 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,695 They might as well just promise anything - just... 68 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,775 ...everyone gets a free puppy. 69 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,855 OK, who wasn't impressed by all of this? 70 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,255 Was it Labour's Rachel Reeves? It absolutely was Rachel Reeves. 71 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,295 How was she...? 72 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,575 She was so unimpressed, she said, 73 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,495 "We're not going to change any of this!" 74 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,655 That's radical Labour for you! 75 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,335 The very good thing about this budget is that the country 76 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:59,135 hasn't tanked...immediately. 77 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,175 You're being very harsh on the Conservatives, very harsh 78 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,375 on the government, they're trying. 79 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,535 They're going to sort it. What, they've only had... 80 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,575 13 years? 81 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,615 13 years, yeah. 82 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:12,975 You know... Give them a break! 83 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,895 Are we doing the Covid inquiry this week? 84 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,095 Is that coming up later? 85 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:22,895 Maybe. OK, I'll keep my comment for then. 86 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,055 Jeremy Hunt referring to turbo-charging growth was Liz Pru... 87 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,255 Liz Tru... Oh, my goodness. 88 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,935 It's all right, because no-one remembers her. 89 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:31,975 Liz who? 90 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,015 Liz Pruss! 91 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,055 LAUGHTER 92 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,215 She was a good Prime Minister, I tell you. 93 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,135 A lot better than that other one. Yeah. 94 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,335 Liz Dross? Liz Dross! 95 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,375 Ironically, she was lacking support. 96 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,975 It's a reference to trusses, m'lud. 97 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,615 Thank you so much, thank you. 98 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,415 APPLAUSE 99 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,295 Liz Truss, difficult to get rid of, still kind of hanging around. 100 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,695 Someone did try and get rid of Liz Truss, though. 101 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:54,735 Do you know who? 102 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:55,775 Noel Edmonds? 103 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:56,815 It was Theresa May. 104 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,215 So, she tweeted a photograph of the surviving prime ministers 105 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,695 in the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday. 106 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:06,655 Here is the original picture - you can see Liz Truss there. 107 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,815 And here is the tweet from Theresa May. 108 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:14,215 LAUGHTER 109 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,415 There is someone on Twitter called Andre who decided 110 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,775 to represent all of those prime ministers in that photograph 111 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,455 proportionately, according to their time in office. 112 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,255 Tony Blair, first off, been on the protein shakes. 113 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,375 And as we go across there, you might not be able to pick 114 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,415 out Liz Truss, erm... 115 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:32,975 ...she is a very thin sliver of light... 116 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,415 LAUGHTER 117 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,455 ...between Sunak and Johnson. 118 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,095 Someone on Twitter actually pointed out that if Liz Truss lives 119 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,735 until she's 95 years old, then she will have spent more 120 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,135 days at the Cenotaph than she did as Prime Minister. 121 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:47,655 LAUGHTER 122 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:52,775 So, David Cameron, then. He's back. 123 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,215 Nobody did, including David Cameron, he had no idea. 124 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,615 He looked stunned when he came out of the car. 125 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,295 Yeah, he was still wearing his tracksuit. 126 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,495 He's back, he's Foreign Secretary. 127 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,535 Mm. 128 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,455 Apparently this was all agreed with Rishi Sunak 129 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:12,215 weeks ago in, and I quote... 130 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,295 ...which I think is a public-school thing, not sure. 131 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,455 But this certainly surprised Chris Mason from the BBC. 132 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:23,655 CHRIS MASON: Cor blimey, look at this! 133 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,695 I think he should have said, "A new bombshell 134 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,775 has entered the villa." 135 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,735 That would have been good. 136 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:30,855 Now, goodness knows... Yeah. 137 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,895 ...Cameron could do with a little bit of luxury in his life. 138 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,655 He gets a mansion in Carlton Gardens, SW1, 139 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:41,055 and a country house called Chevening in Kent, or, as the Sunday Times 140 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:47,415 imagined Cameron contemplating it... 141 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,335 lan and Paul, don't you live in Kent? 142 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,375 Yes, but not together. 143 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,455 LAUGHTER 144 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,935 I have a shed at the end of his garden. 145 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,095 Which I've given him at a very reasonable rate. 146 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,135 He pops in, with a cup of tea, occasionally. 147 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,255 Yeah. All right, guv'nor. 148 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,535 It's lovely. 149 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:12,375 And I say, "lan, you don't have to call me guv'nor, that's fine.” 150 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,735 How do you two feel about being looked down on 151 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,655 by the likes of the Chipping Norton set? 152 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,295 I don't think they look down on lan, they see him as a regular guy. 153 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,175 Well, the Chipping Norton set is Jeremy Clarkson... 154 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,215 Oh, yes. ..Rebekah Brooks... 155 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,895 Brooks, yes. Yes. 156 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,295 ...the distinguished executive of the Sun newspaper and the Murdoch 157 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,935 group who nearly went to jail but didn't, because she's innocent. 158 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:37,735 And don't... 159 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,775 Don't let me hear anything to the contrary from you lot. 160 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,415 You left-wing subversives! 161 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,095 I'm quite prepared to say she's guilty. 162 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,535 Not. 163 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,935 Not! He said not. 164 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,815 You know what, though, I am quite sad about how this has 165 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,935 all turned out because a while ago, I wished that there were more 166 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,335 Asians in politics. 167 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,975 And it turned out I made a wish on a monkey's paw. 168 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,695 That didn't go so well! 169 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,815 Is that the saying, if you make a wish on a monkey's paw, 170 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:07,855 it goes badly? 171 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,495 Yeah, no, the saying goes, "If you make a wish on 172 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,895 "a monkey's paw, you get Rishi Sunak and Suella Braverman.” 173 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:13,935 Oh, right, yeah. 174 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:14,975 LAUGHTER 175 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,135 As part of the reshuffle, though, there was someone 176 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,015 who was appointed to the Cabinet as a sop to the right 177 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,455 of the party, who was that? 178 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,175 Esther McVey, who's on GB News. 179 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:28,255 But you won't know that because nobody watches... 180 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,935 So, to balance up the centrist politician, you have to get 181 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:31,975 a right-wing head-banger in. 182 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,015 Yes. 183 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,695 Actually, it's not for calling them head-bangers. 184 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,855 You have to get a right-wing spunk monkey in. 185 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,935 LAUGHTER 186 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,095 I've just got this vision of the monkey's paw. 187 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,135 Yeah. 188 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,575 AUDIENCE GROANS 189 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:46,935 That's in your heads! 190 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:52,615 You've disgusted yourself there. 191 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:53,815 Esther McVey, Minister Without Portfolio. 192 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:54,895 Oh, right. 193 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,775 But lots of people are calling her... 194 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:57,815 Yes. 195 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,695 And she is going to be, apparently... 196 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:07,735 ...which, I'm pretty sure they did that last week on Gardeners' World. 197 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,775 RURAL ACCENT: Oh, yes, you've got a nasty bit 198 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:11,975 of wokery here, you have. 199 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,415 Who was that? Who spoke then? 200 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,055 OK, James Cleverly was accused by Labour's Yvette Cooper of calling 201 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:21,135 the Rwanda deportation plan... 202 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,255 And so, as a punishment, he's now been put in charge of it. 203 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,975 Right, right. 204 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,895 What else did James Cleverly get caught saying? 205 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,575 Someone asked a question in the Commons, 206 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,735 why has my constituency got these levels of poverty? 207 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,055 And a voice came back, "Because it's a shithole.” 208 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,575 LAUGHTER 209 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,215 It appears to be him, but he's denied it and said 210 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,855 it wasn't him and he wouldn't do that sort of thing. 211 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,495 Oh, but he has admitted saying the word "shit”, he said... 212 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,535 Yes. 213 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,975 "What I said was, shit MP." 214 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,655 Which - "hole" and "MP", very close. 215 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,495 Same thing, pretty much. 216 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,415 Very close. Shall we have a little look? 217 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:55,615 Yeah. Let's have a look. 218 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,255 Why are 34% of children in my constituency living in poverty? 219 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,295 MURMURING 220 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,175 UNCLEAR 221 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,695 Mr Speaker, it's this government... 222 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,135 LAUGHTER 223 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,575 Jeremy Hunt looks like he heard it. 224 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,135 Actually, James Cleverly is at the top of the charts 225 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,335 on the Conservative Home website. 226 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,375 Oh, I see. 227 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,775 Do you want to have a look at the poll? 228 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,415 Yeah, go on, then. Let's have a look at the poll. 229 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,455 As you've got it. 230 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:26,535 OLD CHART RUNDOWN MUSIC PLAYS 231 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:35,615 LAUGHTER 232 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,895 That is harsh on the Gove-meister, isn't it? 233 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:39,935 Yeah. 234 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,095 Rough on James Cleverly. 235 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,255 He's actually been putting a brave face on things. 236 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,295 Yes. 237 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,455 Because he recently arranged for himself and David Cameron 238 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,615 to show an eager young schoolboy around the sights 239 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,695 of London for the day. 240 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:56,615 LAUGHTER 241 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,615 He's so diddy, isn't he? 242 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:04,335 Look at him. Oh, bless his little heart. 243 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,375 Paul and Stephen... Yeah. 244 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,815 ...you take a look at this. 245 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,215 Ah, yes, this is the gentleman who's just been elected 246 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,935 president of Argentina, whose nickname is El Loco. 247 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,295 He sort of turned up at political rallies wielding chainsaws. 248 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,735 There's a... 249 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,655 There's a fan of his. 250 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,295 There's a sort of election booth you couldn't possibly break into. 251 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,455 So, yeah, so he's come into power in Argentina 252 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,015 and he's a bit of 3, let's say, loose cannon. 253 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,175 He's going to, er... 254 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,455 Legalise the sale of human organs. 255 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,615 Yeah, we could learn a lot from him. Yeah. 256 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,255 He's a Tantric sex expert as well. 257 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,615 Is he? 258 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,255 I've never had sex with a Tantric, but I'm sure... 259 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,135 He ejaculates once every three months, he says. 260 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,175 Three months, yeah. 261 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,615 But that does last six weeks. 262 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:48,615 LAUGHTER 263 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,695 I think my favourite thing about him is that he went 264 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,095 to a medium to talk to his dead dog. Yes. 265 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,215 And the dog told him to run for president. 266 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,495 Really? Yeah. 267 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:01,095 His biographer, Juan Luis Gonzales, told the Times, "He's convinced 268 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,495 "that he can communicate with his dogs, that they can 269 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,695 "advise him in different areas. 270 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,855 "The dogs are a sort of Cabinet for him. 271 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,055 "He bounces ideas off them." 272 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,655 I've seen worse Cabinets. 273 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,015 A couple of dead dogs would really liven this one up. 274 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,575 You were right, Stephen. 275 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,455 He said he's going to get rid of restrictions on the sale 276 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,655 of guns and human organs. 277 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,335 Can't really see that being a problem. 278 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,415 He's out there. 279 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,775 I mean, he's no Liz Truss, but he's out there. 280 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,895 Well, I mean, you know, cos it's been illegal up to this point. 281 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,095 You know, you'd have to go down dark alleyways 282 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,695 and someone would come up, "Here, do you want to buy 283 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:36,775 a couple of lungs?” 284 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,135 So, now you can do it out in the open. 285 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,495 "They're my last two." Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. 286 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,375 He looks like a Wolverine, is one of the things they say. 287 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,295 Javier Milei, he makes a great washing machines? 288 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,935 I mean, he's certainly got a lot of energy and enthusiasm. 289 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,575 Here he is before he was elected, promoting a book at 290 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,615 a literary festival. 291 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,655 MUSIC PLAYS 292 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:58,335 HE SHOUTS 293 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,735 I've been to a few literary festivals in my time. 294 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,895 And they're all like that. 295 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,815 They're all like that. 296 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,975 The leader of the second-largest economy in South America. 297 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,775 So reassuring. 298 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,255 Soon to be the fourth-largest economy. 299 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,935 Which surprising political figure has Milei expressed 300 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,575 his admiration for? 301 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,055 Mrs Thatcher. 302 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,975 Absolutely right. Which goes down well in Argentina. 303 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,775 Mm-hm. 304 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:26,535 Also in international news, what did Joe Biden celebrate this week? 305 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:32,815 Er, the first weekly hasn't fallen over for a year. 306 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,375 -- Week he hasn't fallen over. 307 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,855 He confused Britney and Taylor Swift. 308 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,895 Oh, how embarrassing! 309 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,815 HE MOCK LAUGHS 310 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,215 We should just point out, lan, that Britney is not 311 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,255 a holiday destination. 312 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,295 Just point that out. 313 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,495 It's his birthday. His birthday. 314 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,135 Now, of course, lots of Democrats are trying to avoid focusing 315 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,415 on the fact that he's now 81. 316 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:56,815 But not his social media team, because here he is with a cake. 317 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,775 He's going to burn down the White House. 318 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,575 STEPHEN: He's set fire to Donald Trump's hair. 319 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,735 This is the new president of Argentina, Javier Milei. 320 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,895 According to the Times, he owns four dogs named 321 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,815 after free-market economists. 322 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,735 Sadly, one of them was recently put down. 323 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,495 Poor little Kwasi. 324 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,375 Javier Milei has a Masters in Economics, and is also a Tantric 325 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:21,415 sex guru who says he ejaculates every three months. 326 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,095 Yeah. 327 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,615 So, like most government economic forecasts, he comes quarterly. 328 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,575 GROANS AND LAUGHTER 329 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,615 Nice. 330 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:35,575 APPLAUSE 331 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,775 And so to Round 2. 332 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,975 It's a new round, it's the Equation Of News. 333 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,335 Can I just point out at this point, I've got CSE Grade 5 Maths? 334 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,775 What I'm going to do... Yeah. 335 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,215 I'm going to show you... Yeah. 336 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,255 ...some topical equations. 337 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,735 You're wasting your time with me. 338 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,615 It's your own time you're wasting, all right? 339 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,655 Sorry. 340 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,535 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 341 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:58,495 We get paid by the hour. 342 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,895 Find X and tell me what story it relates to. 343 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,495 Paul and Stephen, you are going first. 344 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,935 Here is your equation of news. 345 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:09,295 I want you to tell me what X is. 346 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,975 Oh, film, Napoleon, and Ridley Scott. 347 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,135 Is this about the French saying that the film 348 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,575 is a load of old rubbish... 349 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,615 Yes. 350 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,815 ...and it's not historically accurate? 351 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,815 Ridley said, "Go boil your faces." Yes. 352 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:26,655 This is the news that Ridley Scott's new film, Napoleon, 353 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,695 has been received by the French with a "Bof". 354 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,095 They have said that the film epic about Napoleon Bonaparte 355 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,775 is full of historical inaccuracies and inconsistencies. 356 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,935 Anyone know what some of those claimed inaccuracies are? 357 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:42,975 That he lived in Milton Keynes. 358 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,015 Isn't there a scene where he fires a cannonball at the pyramids? 359 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,135 There is. 360 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,095 There absolutely is. 361 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,015 Thing is, as a fan of history... Yeah. 362 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,655 ...I would like to say to Ridley that it is wrong 363 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:53,855 to get the facts wrong. 364 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:54,935 Mm. 365 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,015 But, as an actor looking for work, I'd like to say to Ridley... 366 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,135 LAUGHTER 367 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,215 ...I know he's casting Gladiator 2 at the moment. 368 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,255 Oh, yeah, yeah. 369 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,135 Ridley, I look really good in a leather skirt and sandals, so... 370 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,175 LAUGHTER 371 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:11,135 PERSON CHEERS 372 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,295 Are you prepared to wear it at the audition? 373 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,655 I'm wearing it now. 374 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,015 What is one hint that Ridley Scott might not share the view of some 375 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,695 French historians when it comes to Napoleon? 376 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,615 Didn't he say to them, "You weren't there"? 377 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,575 Yeah. Yes, that's right, he did say that. 378 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,455 Which, again, is a good defence, but then, 379 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,895 I suppose he wasn't, either. No. 380 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,495 I mean, he's been around a long time, but... 381 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,655 I guess it also invalidates the whole of history, 382 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,095 when you think about it. 383 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,975 Didn't he say, "The French don't like the film, the French don't 384 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,015 even like themselves"? 385 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,055 He absolutely did. 386 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,215 He also addressed the French historians in an interview 387 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,615 with the Times, saying, "Excuse me, mate, were you there?" 388 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,415 Adding... 389 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,815 Say what you like about Ridley Scott, but he knows 390 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,415 how to give a quote. 391 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,815 This is Ridley Scott's Napoleon film, which has been criticised 392 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,055 for its historical discrepancies. 393 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,975 Some scholars have even argued that such is Ridley Scott's disregard 394 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,615 for historical fact that when it comes to Waterloo, the ABBA 395 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:06,655 version is more accurate. 396 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,295 All right, here is your equation of news, lan and Zing. 397 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:16,935 I want you to find X and tell me what story it relates to. 398 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:22,095 This is the Covid enquiry about parties, and it's 399 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,175 all Boris Johnson's fault. 400 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,215 Absolutely right. 401 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,615 Evidence from the Covid enquiry that suggests that Boris Johnson 402 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,055 isn't quite as smart as we all thought he was. 403 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,095 Shocker. 404 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,975 What did Boris struggle with during the pandemic? 405 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,015 Everything. Mm-hm. 406 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,095 Fidelity. Graphs. 407 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,495 Graphs, absolutely right. 408 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,415 They're big, tall animals that chew on trees. 409 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,775 Boris Johnson struggled with the shape of an exponential 410 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,655 curve but recreated it 18 months later with some of his government's 411 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,695 ministerial resignations. Have a look at this. 412 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,255 Yeah. 413 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,135 Just important for me to say, that's still not an exponential curve. 414 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,175 It's not, is it? 415 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,535 But, hey, why let mathematical facts get in the way of a good joke? 416 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,975 Right. Well, you weren't there. 417 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,135 Boris kept referring to graphs that look like Sombreros. 418 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,895 He really liked that. 419 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,375 Should have gone for Napoleon's hat. 420 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,815 It's a bell curve, isn't it? 421 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,815 MUTTERS: Or a bell end. 422 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,895 How did Patrick Valiance... 423 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,775 LAUGHTER 424 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,855 Sorry? 425 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,735 You whisper these remarks, but they're all picked 426 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:20,775 up on the microphone. 427 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,415 Yeah. 428 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,575 What did Valiance say that Boris Johnson could only 429 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,975 hold on to for a bit and then it goes? 430 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,015 BOTH: Relationships? 431 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:33,815 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 432 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:35,815 It's information. 433 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,895 Information, apparently. 434 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,215 So, are we coming onto Rishi Sunak and his Eat Out To Help Out? 435 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,335 Or, as it was known at the time, Show Up And Throw Up. 436 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,735 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 437 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,255 There is one example of Johnson's struggles with science, though, 438 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,655 because he found the difference between absolute and relative risk 439 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:52,695 almost impossible to understand. 440 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:58,015 So, Paul, do you know the difference between absolute and relative risk? 441 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,055 Yes, I do. 442 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,375 LAUGHTER 443 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,015 The absolute risk is that you sort of wonder who's coming 444 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,175 round to your Christmas party, and then the relative 445 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,375 risk is, they turn up. 446 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,535 How did Patrick Valiance throw fellow scientist and lectern 447 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,215 enthusiast Chris Whitty under the bus? 448 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,255 Very politely. It's pretty spicy. 449 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,655 Is it? 450 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,295 For the science world, I think this is pretty spicy, yeah. 451 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,935 It says the former chief scientific adviser said that Chris Whitty 452 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,695 was too slow on the first lockdown, and described him as a "delayer"”. 453 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,495 Oh, no. 454 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,655 How can you put that on our screens? 455 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:33,735 You know what? 456 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,815 I'm the same. 457 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:41,255 OK, well, given that the Valiance had cost out Whitty... 458 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,295 -- cussed out. 459 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,735 What did Whitty say in return? 460 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:49,535 He's a for-kit? 461 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,575 He just said, "Yeah, fair enough." 462 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,655 So, this is the Covid inquiry which heard the shocking 463 00:19:55,680 --> 00:20:00,935 revelation that science wasn't Boris Johnson's forte. 464 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,055 Sir Chris Whitty told the inquiry that in the early days of Covid, 465 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,735 "Mistakes were made at the Cheltenham Festival." 466 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,615 Specifically that he'd put 20 quid on Lucky Boy in the 2:30. 467 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,495 OK, one last Equation of News. 468 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,895 This one is up for grabs for all of you. 469 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:19,335 Find x. Tell me what story it relates to. 470 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,175 It's a bag of tools that was dropped from the Space Station 471 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,935 and is circling the Earth. 472 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,055 Apparently you could see it this week if the sun was catching it 473 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,095 in the right direction. 474 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,495 You could see the tool bag going across the sky. 475 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,535 LAUGHTER 476 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,215 I wouldn't make up something like that. 477 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,575 The Telegraph reports that the next chance for Brits to go and see it 478 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,455 should be on Friday evening. So what are you guys waiting for? 479 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,855 Builders everywhere going, "I can't finish it, my tool bag's 480 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,055 in space orbiting the Earth." 481 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,775 LAUGHTER 482 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,935 Do you want to see the moment when it 483 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,855 fell from their grasp? I think I do. 484 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,015 I saw it before but let's see it again. 485 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,215 There it is. There it goes. 486 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,855 "Oh, shit," he's gone, "Look." One tool slip for a man. 487 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,255 One tool slip. 488 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,815 Is that so they can put a "there are no tools stored in the space 489 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:05,855 station overnight" sign? 490 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:09,775 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. 491 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,175 It's time now for the Odd One Out Round. 492 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,415 Only one between you this week. 493 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,815 So your four are - Davina McCall, lain Duncan Smith, 494 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,335 Alex James and Noel Edmonds. 495 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,415 BELL 496 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:21,655 They're all back. 497 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,815 That makes them the odd one out, does it? 498 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,095 LAUGHTER 499 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,295 They're all back. 500 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,735 They're all back. They're all back. 501 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,415 They're all back except lain Duncan Smith. 502 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,575 Er, no. Alex James makes cheese. 503 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,335 Davina McCall likes cheese. Likes cheese. 504 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,975 Noel Edmonds is made of cheese. Yeah. 505 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,255 He's pure Edam. He's pure Edam. 506 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,175 OK, you are not on the right track. 507 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,855 Oh. Shall I give you a clue? 508 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,055 OK. Yeah, go on, then. 509 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,455 You might as well. Is it falling out with neighbours? 510 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,175 Ooh. Yeah, falling out with neighbours. 511 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,095 Cos Noel Edmonds has moved to New Zealand and has been slightly 512 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,015 tetchy with his neighbours. 513 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,895 Davina McCall lives in Guernsey and has murdered 514 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:57,935 everybody on the island. 515 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,495 LAUGHTER 516 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:02,535 You'd better tell us. 517 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,055 OK, all right. 518 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,455 All of them have upset people from other countries apart 519 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,855 from Davina McCall who is upset with herself for inflicting 520 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,575 Donald Trump on the US. 521 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,415 She claims that her stint as the host of Big Brother led 522 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,535 to the explosion of reality TV shows that thrust people like Donald Trump 523 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,975 into the limelight. 524 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,255 Davina, if you're listening, it's not your fault. 525 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,175 On the other hand, I think it is. 526 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,215 Yeah. 527 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,295 LAUGHTER 528 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:29,975 That's the BBC, it's balanced, you see, 529 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,175 you get both sides. Balanced. 530 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,975 Both sides. 531 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,495 How else does Davina centralise herself 532 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,415 in the narrative of world history? 533 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,375 She started the First World War by murdering Archduke Ferdinand. 534 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,255 He was the first one voted out of the Big Brother house. 535 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,295 Yeah. 536 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,455 No, she does at least accept responsibility for this. 537 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:54,335 Now, would you like me to be the cat? 538 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,375 Delicious. 539 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,815 Why have you shown us that? 540 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,175 LAUGHTER 541 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,815 I had to watch that four times today in the rehearsals. 542 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,855 Did you? Oh, man. 543 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:06,895 Brutal. 544 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,775 Where you get your kicks has got nothing to do with me. 545 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:10,815 LAUGHTER 546 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,975 How did Blur bassist and cheese magnate Alex James 547 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,015 upset another country? 548 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,175 He said their cheese was bad. Ooh. 549 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,055 He ticked off the French by claiming that brie was actually invented 550 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,455 in Ireland and that champagne was actually developed in Somerset. 551 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,495 Oh. Yeah. 552 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:23,695 He's done too many drugs. 553 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,375 LAUGHTER 554 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:27,655 Or not enough. 555 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:28,695 Balanced BBC. Balance. 556 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:34,055 LAUGHTER 557 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,015 who's lain Duncan Smith upset, though? 558 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,855 I mean, lately? 559 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,495 It's a country, remember. 560 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,935 Oh, a country, yeah. Oh, China. 561 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:41,975 China, perfect. 562 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,015 China. China. 563 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,215 He has upset China. 564 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,895 He has called for their exclusion at international summits, 565 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,495 including Rishi Sunak's recent Al gathering. 566 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,415 According to lain Duncan Smith, China are dominant 567 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,775 in the world of Al. 568 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,615 They are world leaders in deep fake video manipulation which can alter 569 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,775 footage in real time and the Chinese Communist Party 570 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,415 is brilliant, it really is, and they're great guys as well. 571 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,975 LAUGHTER 572 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,575 Right, what country has Noel Edmonds caused trouble in? 573 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,615 New Zealand. Absolutely right. 574 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,855 He spent over £14 million buying up properties 575 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,215 in order to create his own village. Do you know what he's calling it? 576 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,615 Crinkley Bottom. If only! 577 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:25,095 It's called River Haven. 578 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,255 It should be Crinkley Bottom, though, I entirely agree. 579 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,415 Who has Noel fallen out with, then? The council. 580 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:30,855 With the council, the local council. 581 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,255 They wanted to put a bike track through a corner 582 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,895 of his land to avoid a motorway to which Noel Edmonds 583 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,815 reasonably responded, "You need your heads cutting off 584 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,855 and your brains replaced.” 585 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,495 Would you like to see an image here of Crinkley Bottom? 586 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,535 Yes. Yes, please. 587 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:50,935 Yes, please, yes. 588 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:53,975 Why are you showing us this stuff? 589 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,855 LAUGHTER 590 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,335 OK, time now for the Missing Words Round. 591 00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:06,455 So we're going to start with, "Woman says she can't drive to work 592 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,655 because what is stopping her?" 593 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,815 Oh, I know this one. 594 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,335 It's a 600-kilo seal. 595 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,095 It is a 600-kilo seal. 596 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:14,135 Well done. 597 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,375 APPLAUSE 598 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,855 Here is a picture of Neil the seal after breaking 599 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,775 in to the property in Tasmania. 600 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,415 And to add insult to injury, when she tried and failed 601 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,335 to manoeuvre past him he just started clapping. 602 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,415 LAUGHTER 603 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,815 Next up... 604 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,455 Clearly he's not in the way because between the car 605 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,135 and the brick wall lies the seal. 606 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,175 Yeah. It's bullshit. 607 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,255 It's absolute bullshit. 608 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,575 Or is it all true? 609 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,375 Bullshit or true? 610 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:48,295 APPLAUSE 611 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,935 Next, "Bucket list for Brits over 50 includes what and what?" 612 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,495 Getting better at bridge and tennis. 613 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,295 Getting a GP appointment. 614 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,695 It's actually, "Bucket list for Brits over 50 "includes cuddling 615 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,095 a tiger and taking part in an orgy." 616 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,615 You can mix the two up, you know? 617 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,735 Whipsnade Friday night. 618 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,055 Ask for the man in the striped pyjamas. 619 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,695 LAUGHTER 620 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:17,735 APPLAUSE 621 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,135 Oh, now I see why they call you a man-eater. 622 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,455 LAUGHTER 623 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,775 And finally, scientific research claims 624 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,975 what are the best lovers? 625 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,015 Scientists. Scientists. 626 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,175 We've done it again! 627 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:33,215 LAUGHTER 628 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,215 We did it again! And it's right! 629 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,255 It absolutely is. 630 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,295 Oh, it is right. 631 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,375 LAUGHTER 632 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,615 Even better. 633 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,535 This research was extensively peer-reviewed towards the end 634 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,895 of last year's NASA Christmas party. 635 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,775 And so the final scores are - lan and Zing have four, 636 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:48,975 Paul and Stephen have seven. 637 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,735 Oh, well done. And you got them all right! 638 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,615 But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition. 639 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,055 Ian and Zing, you have this. 640 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:01,215 “I'm afraid I left the tool bag in space." 641 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:07,135 "OK, it's a deal, 30 quid for the chair.” 642 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,215 And Paul and Stephen get that. 643 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,095 Well, the doctor on the right is saying, "Well, the good news 644 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:14,775 is there's nothing wrong with your teeth.” 645 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,335 LAUGHTER 646 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:19,175 Is the man saying, "Did you eat the rest of my beard?" 647 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,695 LAUGHTER 648 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,095 On which note, we say thank you to our panel lists, 649 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:27,815 lan Hislop and Zing Tsjeng, Paul Merton and Stephen Mangan 650 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,935 and I leave you with the news that in Georgia Donald Trump's campaign 651 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,095 team deny claims they have dumbed down his slogan 652 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:36,535 for his most avid supporters. 653 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:41,575 LAUGHTER 654 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,695 In the early hours of a Soho dawn, there is a slight awkwardness 655 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,575 following an adult game as it appears the keys to the handcuffs 656 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:53,015 have gone missing. 657 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,095 LAUGHTER 658 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,495 And in Westminster, one local resident hurriedly looks to relocate 659 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,055 after hearing the worrying news that David Cameron is back in town. 660 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,855 LAUGHTER 661 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:09,815 Goodnight. 662 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,175 I'll complain about the pig Cameron joke. 663 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,415 It just isn't true. No. 664 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,815 I mean, there's a lot to go for Cameron over. 665 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,975 He didn't lock pigs, he screwed the whole country. 666 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,175 LAUGHTER 667 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,255 APPLAUSE 668 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,455 And that's the bit they'll use after the credits.