1 00:00:02,005 --> 00:00:05,525 Er, good evening, good evening. I hope you like my new suit. 2 00:00:05,525 --> 00:00:08,685 I bought it with the proceeds from Captain Tom's latest book. 3 00:00:08,685 --> 00:00:10,725 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 4 00:00:12,085 --> 00:00:16,765 This programme contains some strong language 5 00:00:37,125 --> 00:00:39,285 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 6 00:00:49,325 --> 00:00:52,565 Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You. 7 00:00:52,565 --> 00:00:53,925 I'm Alexander Armstrong. 8 00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:55,965 In the news this week, in Liverpool, 9 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:58,285 during Keir Starmer's riveting speech, 10 00:00:58,285 --> 00:01:00,965 one man who tries to leave early is quietly escorted back to his seat. 11 00:01:06,405 --> 00:01:10,645 After the IOC confirmed a host of new sports for the 2028 Olympics, 12 00:01:10,645 --> 00:01:13,765 organisers deny that some of the events are getting a little obscure. 13 00:01:22,245 --> 00:01:24,525 And as he visits the Royal Millinery, 14 00:01:24,525 --> 00:01:27,365 King Charles has concerns that the hat they're proposing he 15 00:01:27,365 --> 00:01:30,325 wears for his state visit to Ireland might be a little unsuitable. 16 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,365 On Ian's team tonight is a journalist 17 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:42,285 and broadcaster for GB News whose first political memory 18 00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:46,245 is of her family gathering round the television back in 2003, 19 00:01:46,245 --> 00:01:48,525 popcorn at the ready, to watch the result 20 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,045 of the confidence vote in Iain Duncan Smith. 21 00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:54,365 Well, that's how bad TV was until Pointless came along. 22 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,765 Please welcome Olivia Utley. 23 00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:57,685 APPLAUSE 24 00:02:00,645 --> 00:02:03,525 On Paul's team tonight is a comedian and actor who appeared 25 00:02:03,525 --> 00:02:07,205 in the film Journey's End, or, as it's now known, Old Oak Common. 26 00:02:07,205 --> 00:02:09,445 Please welcome Miles Jupp. 27 00:02:09,445 --> 00:02:12,165 APPLAUSE 28 00:02:14,045 --> 00:02:17,245 We begin with the bigger news stories of the week, 29 00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:20,285 apart from THAT one because it's just too awful. 30 00:02:20,285 --> 00:02:22,125 Ian and Olivia, have a look at this. 31 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,285 Ooh, it's Sir Blair Starmer. 32 00:02:26,725 --> 00:02:29,165 Rachel Reeves in an unlikely blue. 33 00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:31,365 Oh, and... Oh... 34 00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:33,805 Keir Starmer getting a great makeover. 35 00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:36,005 LAUGHTER 36 00:02:36,005 --> 00:02:39,005 So that was the Labour Party conference in Liverpool, 37 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:42,925 where the most exciting moment was Keir Starmer getting glitted. 38 00:02:42,925 --> 00:02:45,765 The protester, no-one quite knows what he was actually protesting 39 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,965 cos it was very long and complicated. Yes, yes. 40 00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:51,285 And he was still explaining it as he was being dragged past us. 41 00:02:51,285 --> 00:02:54,165 I thought it was someone from Just Stop Strictly. 42 00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:56,765 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 43 00:02:59,405 --> 00:03:01,685 I'm actually dressed up as Keir Starmer 44 00:03:01,685 --> 00:03:04,245 in the glitter and the red. Oh, God! 45 00:03:04,245 --> 00:03:06,725 Starmer wouldn't be wearing red! HE SCOFFS 46 00:03:08,445 --> 00:03:10,245 What was the point of the glitter, though? 47 00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:11,645 Was it to add a level of interest? 48 00:03:11,645 --> 00:03:14,445 I mean, it made Starmer look great. Everyone around me was saying, 49 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:16,445 "Doesn't he look great?" "Beautiful, yes." 50 00:03:16,445 --> 00:03:18,605 But he had to take his jacket off, which... 51 00:03:18,605 --> 00:03:20,365 It looked slightly rehearsed. 52 00:03:20,365 --> 00:03:25,685 So, suddenly, it was Keir gets down to work, shirtsleeves, no jacket, 53 00:03:25,685 --> 00:03:27,765 not formal, not posh. 54 00:03:27,765 --> 00:03:30,645 And I think it was rehearsed because he'd ironed his shirtsleeves 55 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:33,565 and whoever does that unless they're planning to take the jacket off? 56 00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:35,445 Oh, you think this was choreographed? Yeah. 57 00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:37,605 I think it was chor... Well, no, I don't really, but... 58 00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:39,525 Well, GB News, they like a conspiracy theory. 59 00:03:39,525 --> 00:03:40,605 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 60 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,125 Oh, no, we start! 61 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,845 Yes, the guy who did it, The Sun referred to him as... 62 00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:51,205 LAUGHTER 63 00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:52,645 A sequin, surely? 64 00:03:54,285 --> 00:03:58,565 Not really clear why he did it, but here is the moment it happened. 65 00:03:58,565 --> 00:04:00,325 Looks like he's in the cosmos. 66 00:04:00,325 --> 00:04:02,165 Yes, it does, actually, doesn't it? 67 00:04:02,165 --> 00:04:05,845 How did he penetrate the ring of steel around Keir Starmer? 68 00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:09,605 Oh, the security at Labour conference was unbelievable. 69 00:04:09,605 --> 00:04:12,165 Tory Party conference, there was airport security. Yeah. 70 00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:14,765 None of that at Labour. I am not surprised he got in. 71 00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:16,925 Well, then, how did Liz Truss get in? 72 00:04:16,925 --> 00:04:19,765 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 73 00:04:19,765 --> 00:04:22,925 According to Tom Peck in the Independent, 74 00:04:22,925 --> 00:04:25,325 before the glitter, Keir was described as... 75 00:04:30,685 --> 00:04:31,965 ..and then afterwards... 76 00:04:41,725 --> 00:04:44,205 They're just very good with families, Pizza Express, really. 77 00:04:44,205 --> 00:04:45,285 They just look after you. 78 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,165 Do they? They bring the crayons straight out. 79 00:04:47,165 --> 00:04:48,765 There's always something to do. Yes. 80 00:04:48,765 --> 00:04:51,245 You can vape in the toilets, all that. 81 00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:52,485 Yes. 82 00:04:52,485 --> 00:04:54,805 And they're very good at providing alibis. 83 00:04:54,805 --> 00:04:58,005 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 84 00:04:58,005 --> 00:04:59,885 With very thin bases. 85 00:05:02,325 --> 00:05:05,045 What was Keir's big idea at the conference? 86 00:05:05,045 --> 00:05:07,525 His big idea was to become Prime Minister. 87 00:05:08,645 --> 00:05:10,445 Yes, how is he backing that up? 88 00:05:10,445 --> 00:05:11,485 Housing. 89 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,005 Yes, building loads of houses. 90 00:05:13,005 --> 00:05:14,885 And where's he going to build these houses? 91 00:05:14,885 --> 00:05:16,205 Beautiful places. 92 00:05:16,205 --> 00:05:18,645 Yes. Next to people who object to it. 93 00:05:20,085 --> 00:05:21,765 It's not on the green belt. 94 00:05:21,765 --> 00:05:22,805 The brown belt? 95 00:05:22,805 --> 00:05:24,045 No, no, no. More... 96 00:05:24,045 --> 00:05:26,045 Oh, one of the belts. Erm... 97 00:05:26,045 --> 00:05:29,325 Is there a black belt? Black belt, yeah! No! 98 00:05:29,325 --> 00:05:32,525 The grey belt. Well, it seems very Keir, doesn't it? 99 00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:35,285 Yes, Keir Starmer wants to recreate the heady atmosphere 100 00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:37,885 of the new towns, the sunlit uplands of Stevenage... 101 00:05:37,885 --> 00:05:39,765 Milton Keynes. ..Crawley, Milton Keynes. 102 00:05:39,765 --> 00:05:42,325 Can we remember any of the other new towns? Basildon, Bracknell. 103 00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:43,725 When I worked at the civil service, 104 00:05:43,725 --> 00:05:46,005 I was in charge of the new town scheme. So you know all of this. 105 00:05:46,005 --> 00:05:48,045 So for the first time in the history of this programme, 106 00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,325 I know what I'm talking about. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 107 00:05:50,325 --> 00:05:51,445 So let's have four more. 108 00:05:51,445 --> 00:05:54,045 Four more? Four more. Well... 109 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:56,165 Thank you for that round of applause, 110 00:05:56,165 --> 00:05:57,845 that makes me feel a lot better. 111 00:05:57,845 --> 00:05:59,845 But it was new and expanded town schemes 112 00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,365 so Hastings was one of them as well. 113 00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:03,045 Skelmersdale. Was it? I don't remember that. 114 00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,325 Welwyn Garden City. Welwyn Garden City, yes. Yes, lovely. 115 00:06:05,325 --> 00:06:07,365 And just one pointless answer and that was Newtown, 116 00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:09,605 so well done if you got that at home. 117 00:06:09,605 --> 00:06:13,125 And horrors, Ian, how did Labour snub the private schools? 118 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:17,685 They said they're going to increase VAT on the fees, 119 00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:20,205 but they're not going to take away their charitable status. 120 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,725 Yeah, but, I mean, look at the people that public schools turn out. 121 00:06:22,725 --> 00:06:24,325 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 122 00:06:24,325 --> 00:06:25,885 LAUGHTER 123 00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:30,925 Did anyone here go to private school? 124 00:06:30,925 --> 00:06:32,765 Yes. Yes. Yes. 125 00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:33,805 OLIVIA: No. 126 00:06:33,805 --> 00:06:35,725 My school was so bad we kept it private. 127 00:06:37,245 --> 00:06:39,925 Olivia, how do you think Wes Streeting will shape up 128 00:06:39,925 --> 00:06:41,165 as Health Secretary? 129 00:06:41,165 --> 00:06:43,805 I mean, you've got a pretty good record of spotting a good 'un. 130 00:06:45,085 --> 00:06:46,125 You look puzzled. 131 00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:49,005 Here is what you once wrote about Matt Hancock. Oh, God! 132 00:06:51,965 --> 00:06:53,805 GROANING AND LAUGHTER 133 00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,525 I was 21! 134 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,045 I was going to say I think Wes Streeting's rather good 135 00:07:07,045 --> 00:07:09,645 so that's not good news for Wes Streeting, I would say! 136 00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:12,285 But Rachel Reeves, I mean, my goodness, 137 00:07:12,285 --> 00:07:14,605 she's been presenting herself as a very tough cookie. 138 00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:16,245 Look at her severe bob. 139 00:07:16,245 --> 00:07:19,085 They all have the same severe bob. Bridget Phillipson's got it too. 140 00:07:19,085 --> 00:07:21,765 Severe Bob sounds like a prisoner in C wing. 141 00:07:21,765 --> 00:07:24,365 Yeah. Much experience of C wing, do we? Yeah. 142 00:07:24,365 --> 00:07:28,925 You go to a school like mine, you know a lot of people there. 143 00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:31,965 She was definitely spoiling for a fight with the Conservatives, 144 00:07:31,965 --> 00:07:36,605 but watch out for Ed "Am I Tough Enuss?" Miliband 145 00:07:36,605 --> 00:07:38,005 on the edge of this row. 146 00:07:38,005 --> 00:07:41,765 If the party that has herded our children into Portakabins 147 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:46,045 while our school roofs crumble wants a fight about who has 148 00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:51,605 the most aspiration for our children, then I say bring it on. 149 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,565 APPLAUSE 150 00:07:53,565 --> 00:07:55,885 STUDIO LAUGHTER 151 00:07:58,765 --> 00:08:00,725 Oh... 152 00:08:00,725 --> 00:08:03,325 Mind you, he geed himself up for a bit of a scrap later. 153 00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:04,445 Have a look at this. 154 00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:06,005 I've got an idea, friends. 155 00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:08,925 Let's send these Tories where they belong. 156 00:08:08,925 --> 00:08:12,245 Let's recycle them from government to opposition 157 00:08:12,245 --> 00:08:16,565 and let's chuck them into the seven dustbins of history! 158 00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:18,485 APPLAUSE 159 00:08:18,485 --> 00:08:21,245 Oh, that's the seven dustbins of history?! 160 00:08:21,245 --> 00:08:23,005 I've read that! 161 00:08:23,005 --> 00:08:24,245 What is that? 162 00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:25,765 OLIVIA: Oh, I just got that joke. 163 00:08:25,765 --> 00:08:27,725 It was the seven bins thing, wasn't it? Yeah. 164 00:08:27,725 --> 00:08:28,885 I forgot that was a thing. 165 00:08:28,885 --> 00:08:30,965 He picked up something that Rishi said 166 00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:33,685 and then turned it round into something that wasn't a joke. 167 00:08:33,685 --> 00:08:35,645 It probably looked quite clever on paper. 168 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:38,445 Some serious issues were discussed at the Labour conference, though. 169 00:08:38,445 --> 00:08:40,205 What does Angela Rayner, for example, 170 00:08:40,205 --> 00:08:42,645 insist is the best way to liven up a party? 171 00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:44,405 Ecstasy? Venom. 172 00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:48,045 Venom? Venom consists of... 173 00:08:55,525 --> 00:08:57,245 Pah, an aperitif! 174 00:08:59,845 --> 00:09:04,165 Maybe Shadow Science Minister Peter Kyle had a couple of jugs too many 175 00:09:04,165 --> 00:09:06,645 of venom the night before this speech. 176 00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:12,725 Our potential has been squandered by 13 years of Labour Government. 177 00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:15,125 SHOCKED LAUGHTER 178 00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:17,805 APPLAUSE 179 00:09:17,805 --> 00:09:20,045 He COULD be a visitor from the future! 180 00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,285 Actually, I was terrified by how well informed 181 00:09:24,285 --> 00:09:26,645 the people inside the Labour conference were. 182 00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:28,845 They all knew what a non-dom was. 183 00:09:28,845 --> 00:09:30,925 Yes, now that was one bit of the speech that 184 00:09:30,925 --> 00:09:33,445 went down incredibly badly with the newspapers, 185 00:09:33,445 --> 00:09:37,365 who are largely owned by non-doms - 186 00:09:37,365 --> 00:09:38,725 proprietors who don't live here 187 00:09:38,725 --> 00:09:41,085 and don't pay as much taxes as perhaps they should do. 188 00:09:41,085 --> 00:09:42,565 Anyway, they hated that idea. 189 00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,325 Do you think that's a bad idea? 190 00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:47,725 LAUGHTER 191 00:09:47,725 --> 00:09:49,805 One of them will be buying your station. 192 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,405 Yeah. I don't think it will raise quite as much as they hoped. 193 00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:57,005 Who have the Labour Party appointed to help co-ordinate 194 00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:59,965 their plans to protect women from harassment in the workplace? 195 00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:01,365 Severe Bob. 196 00:10:01,365 --> 00:10:02,685 Yeah. 197 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:07,285 Not Severe Bob. Boris Johnson's ex-wife. Oh, yeah, Marina Wheeler. 198 00:10:07,285 --> 00:10:09,685 Yes. In a demonstration that the Labour Party 199 00:10:09,685 --> 00:10:11,925 do have a sense of humour, 200 00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:15,005 they have appointed her in charge of antiharassment 201 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,405 and protection of women. 202 00:10:16,405 --> 00:10:17,445 That's right. 203 00:10:17,445 --> 00:10:20,245 An area where she has some experience. 204 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:23,325 That was a carefully worded statement. It was, yes. 205 00:10:23,325 --> 00:10:26,125 All I wanted to say was... 206 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,485 ..hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah! 207 00:10:28,485 --> 00:10:32,445 Yes, this is the Labour conference where Keir Starmer's speech 208 00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:35,085 was interrupted by a protester who threw a handful of sparkling 209 00:10:35,085 --> 00:10:36,565 glitter over the Labour leader. 210 00:10:36,565 --> 00:10:38,285 It is the only time a Starmer speech 211 00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:40,885 and the word "sparkling" have been used in the same sentence. 212 00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:44,365 Labour's Shadow Health Minister Wes Streeting told the conference... 213 00:10:48,005 --> 00:10:51,325 If they're really lucky, they could attend the grand opening of HS2. 214 00:10:51,325 --> 00:10:55,405 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 215 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,645 In other news, according to Wales Online, 216 00:10:58,645 --> 00:11:00,445 Welsh First Minister Mark Drakeford... 217 00:11:02,805 --> 00:11:04,365 But only at 20mph. 218 00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:08,525 Paul and Miles, take a look at this. 219 00:11:08,525 --> 00:11:11,005 Oh, this is the Tory party conference. 220 00:11:12,245 --> 00:11:15,485 Bedbugs. Cartoon character dragged out of bed by a bedbug. 221 00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:16,805 Oh, God. 222 00:11:16,805 --> 00:11:18,965 I think I used to go out with her. 223 00:11:20,005 --> 00:11:21,325 This is the bedbugs story. 224 00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:23,805 There is an infestation, they are coming over here. They are. 225 00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:26,365 These bedbugs. And they're hurting British bottoms. Yes. 226 00:11:26,365 --> 00:11:28,125 From France. From France. 227 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:30,365 And they're not being stopped. 228 00:11:30,365 --> 00:11:33,805 No... They've come by Eurotunnel because it's cheaper 229 00:11:33,805 --> 00:11:35,725 because you just pay for the one car, not... 230 00:11:35,725 --> 00:11:38,045 Not the number of inhabitants. 231 00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,165 Apparently, all of the panic is sort of unwarranted 232 00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:43,005 because the experts keep telling us there isn't a swarm of bedbugs, 233 00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:44,685 they've always actually been there. 234 00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:46,965 Is this GB News agreeing with the experts? 235 00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:52,805 Bugageddon... Bugageddon. ..is what we are now... 236 00:11:52,805 --> 00:11:55,685 That's a nightclub in Soho, isn't it? 237 00:11:55,685 --> 00:11:57,125 I've been there. 238 00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:59,445 According to the Telegraph, once in the UK... 239 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,805 Finally, some good news for anyone living north of Birmingham. 240 00:12:09,845 --> 00:12:11,725 The Guardian has revealed there were... 241 00:12:15,205 --> 00:12:17,045 And here is a confirmed sighting, in fact, 242 00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:19,005 of a creepy-crawly in Liverpool this week. 243 00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:23,085 In case you don't know what to look out for, 244 00:12:23,085 --> 00:12:25,485 the Guardian provided this useful picture of a bedbug. 245 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,485 And in case you see one moving, 246 00:12:28,485 --> 00:12:30,445 here is an action shot from the Guardian also. 247 00:12:32,845 --> 00:12:35,445 They look very happy, the bugs. Well, of course they are. 248 00:12:35,445 --> 00:12:38,245 They've got a suitcase full of booze and they're on their way to work. 249 00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,725 The Mirror had this headline. 250 00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:48,445 Do bedbugs have nationalities, then? 251 00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:49,965 Oh, these definitely do. They do? 252 00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:52,725 Yes. It's a worrying thing tonight, "Don't let the bedbugs bite." 253 00:12:52,725 --> 00:12:55,085 You said it as if it was a thing that didn't really happen. 254 00:12:55,085 --> 00:12:57,005 And then you think, maybe there's other things 255 00:12:57,005 --> 00:12:59,445 we say all the time that we have to start meaning. Yes. 256 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,605 Like, "I hope you are well." 257 00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:05,605 "How very nice to hear from you." 258 00:13:06,605 --> 00:13:09,045 "I'll reply to your email shortly." 259 00:13:09,045 --> 00:13:11,645 We've got to go back and comb through all of our platitudes 260 00:13:11,645 --> 00:13:13,925 and check what else, you know, could be out there. 261 00:13:13,925 --> 00:13:15,045 Mm. Back to the headlines. 262 00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,365 That's an interesting statement, we are going to be invaded 263 00:13:17,365 --> 00:13:20,085 by bedbugs and you said, "We've got to comb through our platitudes." 264 00:13:21,485 --> 00:13:23,485 Leave no stone unturned. Yeah. 265 00:13:23,485 --> 00:13:25,085 And back to the headlines. 266 00:13:25,085 --> 00:13:26,525 Yes. Sorry. 267 00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:28,165 The Daily Star went with... 268 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,365 And the Daily Mail opted for... 269 00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:41,645 What is wrong with that headline? 270 00:13:41,645 --> 00:13:43,965 Bedfordshire isn't the hot spot of infestation. 271 00:13:43,965 --> 00:13:45,485 No. It's Hertfordshire, 272 00:13:45,485 --> 00:13:48,005 that's where they've had the highest. Yeah, that's... 273 00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:50,365 You do know stuff, don't you, Miles? 274 00:13:50,365 --> 00:13:53,165 I... Every now and then I wake up and take a real interest. 275 00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:57,085 You'll spot when it happens. 276 00:13:57,085 --> 00:14:00,445 Happily, bedbugs haven't stopped this Scottish rugby fan 277 00:14:00,445 --> 00:14:02,725 from having a whale of a time in France. 278 00:14:02,725 --> 00:14:04,365 What do you want to say to World Rugby? 279 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:07,525 I want to say to World Rugby, I've been on the lash for five weeks, 280 00:14:07,525 --> 00:14:08,765 like, you know? 281 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,685 It started with a wee golf tournament down in Vilamoura. 282 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,525 And that was magic, right? 283 00:14:13,525 --> 00:14:15,325 And then I jumped over to Marseille, 284 00:14:15,325 --> 00:14:17,165 and I couldn't believe it when I got there 285 00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:20,525 because they were filling us full of the old bevvy, you know I mean? 286 00:14:20,525 --> 00:14:22,485 And I've been on the lash for four weeks. 287 00:14:22,485 --> 00:14:25,005 I've been through the Chablis, doing the wine cellars, 288 00:14:25,005 --> 00:14:26,485 had a brilliant time, 289 00:14:26,485 --> 00:14:27,685 a brilliant time! 290 00:14:27,685 --> 00:14:30,485 So what you're saying is you're not too bothered if Scotland fans... 291 00:14:30,485 --> 00:14:32,605 Oh, win, lose or draw, I'm getting pished! 292 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,325 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 293 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,325 Win, lose or draw, 294 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,325 I'm getting blootered. 295 00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:37,005 I'm getting blootered. 296 00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:39,965 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 297 00:14:41,405 --> 00:14:43,125 But isn't he one of the players? 298 00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:47,285 Social media isn't helping people stay calm. 299 00:14:47,285 --> 00:14:49,245 Tianne from London tweeted this week... 300 00:15:00,685 --> 00:15:03,245 One bedbug. One bedbug. 301 00:15:04,925 --> 00:15:08,765 What happened to the Dunkirk spirit this country used to be proud of? 302 00:15:08,765 --> 00:15:11,085 Yes, this is the infestation of bedbugs. 303 00:15:11,085 --> 00:15:13,485 I'm not saying the tabloids are getting hysterical about this 304 00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:16,525 but apparently from next Thursday we have to go outside at eight in the evening 305 00:15:16,525 --> 00:15:18,045 and bang a pan for Rentokil. 306 00:15:23,245 --> 00:15:26,285 If you think you do have bedbugs, then experts say that 307 00:15:26,285 --> 00:15:28,325 the only foolproof way to get rid of them is to... 308 00:15:30,285 --> 00:15:32,765 A precaution which for some reason Prince Andrew has been 309 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,125 taking for several years now. 310 00:15:35,445 --> 00:15:37,845 According to public health scientists, the bedbugs are... 311 00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:41,445 So good news for Suella Braverman. 312 00:15:43,805 --> 00:15:46,005 And so to Round Two where we deal with 313 00:15:46,005 --> 00:15:49,245 the abundance of fascinating science stories in the news this week. 314 00:15:49,245 --> 00:15:53,005 Would you like to look through the microscope of news? 315 00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,885 I bet there is a really terrible graphic that goes with this. 316 00:15:55,885 --> 00:15:59,445 OK. Here is your first one. Yeah. Go on, let's have a look. 317 00:15:59,445 --> 00:16:00,485 Yeah, here we go. 318 00:16:01,485 --> 00:16:02,765 BELL RINGS 319 00:16:02,765 --> 00:16:05,365 Ian and Olivia. Yes. 320 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,845 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 321 00:16:12,245 --> 00:16:13,605 It's a good gag. 322 00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,805 You look like a really bad Adam Ant. 323 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,485 Is that that goalkeepers have quicker brains than anyone else? 324 00:16:23,485 --> 00:16:25,045 Yes, absolutely right. Oh, really? 325 00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:27,565 This is news that goalkeepers' brains are wired 326 00:16:27,565 --> 00:16:29,005 differently to ours, 327 00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:31,485 which explains why David Seaman had this haircut. 328 00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:34,045 LAUGHTER 329 00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:37,925 Scientists tested 20 goalkeepers, 20 outfield footballers 330 00:16:37,925 --> 00:16:40,005 and 20 normal people... Normal people? 331 00:16:40,005 --> 00:16:42,245 Normal people. 332 00:16:42,245 --> 00:16:45,165 The sort of people that Rishi Sunak meets all the time. 333 00:16:45,165 --> 00:16:46,885 They discovered... Yeah? 334 00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:48,845 ..that goalkeepers were able to process sights 335 00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:51,125 and sounds at a much faster rate... 336 00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,485 Is this a survey of 60? 337 00:16:53,485 --> 00:16:55,885 Yes, but 20 of them were normal. 338 00:16:55,885 --> 00:16:57,925 Yeah, control, yeah. Who...? 339 00:16:57,925 --> 00:16:59,965 It means nothing, Alexander. 340 00:17:01,685 --> 00:17:03,445 I was going to say, it's pointless, 341 00:17:03,445 --> 00:17:06,565 but then I don't want to give another ad to his show. 342 00:17:06,565 --> 00:17:11,805 Who would you say thinks most like a goalkeeper here, Ian? 343 00:17:11,805 --> 00:17:13,405 No, that's too slow. 344 00:17:13,405 --> 00:17:14,965 That's not goalkeeper-quick, 345 00:17:14,965 --> 00:17:17,005 Ian, I needed a response much quicker than that. 346 00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:18,845 We have to, um... 347 00:17:18,845 --> 00:17:21,285 LAUGHTER 348 00:17:21,285 --> 00:17:23,365 That was a survey of one. 349 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:27,885 And a normal person. I do hope not. 350 00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:30,525 We have got our hands on the test 351 00:17:30,525 --> 00:17:34,325 that was created by researchers at Dublin City University 352 00:17:34,325 --> 00:17:37,005 to find out which of you is most goalie...? 353 00:17:37,005 --> 00:17:38,765 Is there a croquet version? 354 00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:40,805 LAUGHTER 355 00:17:40,805 --> 00:17:43,445 I don't know what a croquet version of a goalkeeper would be, Ian. 356 00:17:43,445 --> 00:17:46,285 Is that a potato covered in bread crumbs? 357 00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:47,405 I am going to flash up... 358 00:17:47,405 --> 00:17:48,645 This is genuinely the test. 359 00:17:48,645 --> 00:17:50,365 You're going to flash up, are you? 360 00:17:50,365 --> 00:17:53,605 I'm going to flash up either one... What about the quiz? 361 00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,245 First, I'm going to flash up... 362 00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:57,005 That's three times he's going to flash up. 363 00:17:57,005 --> 00:17:58,925 ..either one or two white dots 364 00:17:58,925 --> 00:18:01,805 along with either one or two or no beeps. 365 00:18:01,805 --> 00:18:04,285 And then you have to tell me how many dots were flashed up. 366 00:18:04,285 --> 00:18:08,045 Have you got it? It's very easy. OK. Everyone ready? One or two. 367 00:18:09,285 --> 00:18:10,645 BEEP 368 00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:13,525 There was one. Two. I didn't see any. 369 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,565 LAUGHTER 370 00:18:15,565 --> 00:18:16,885 And so we've got a goalkeeper. 371 00:18:16,885 --> 00:18:20,045 Look at that. Very well done indeed, Paul. Absolutely right. It was one. 372 00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:22,645 But we heard two little noises, you see? You saw one dot. 373 00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:24,205 Can someone describe to me 374 00:18:24,205 --> 00:18:26,765 as someone who didn't see the flash what the flash looked like? 375 00:18:26,765 --> 00:18:29,605 It was a white flash. It's a dot. It's a white dot. It's a simple dot. 376 00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:31,845 This is just like being in Specsavers. 377 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,285 LAUGHTER 378 00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:35,885 Do you think one day this sort of thing will replace television? 379 00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:39,125 LAUGHTER 380 00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:41,045 Could you see two? One? 381 00:18:41,045 --> 00:18:42,965 I saw one but I was too slow to answer, 382 00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:44,805 so I don't think I'm a goalkeeper at heart. 383 00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:47,045 I kind of feel as though I'm speaking for everybody here 384 00:18:47,045 --> 00:18:48,885 when I say, is there much more of this? 385 00:18:48,885 --> 00:18:50,645 LAUGHTER 386 00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:54,645 No, you're right, you're right. You're right. You're right. 387 00:18:54,645 --> 00:18:56,845 On the subject of being wired differently, 388 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,405 football fans often have a slightly different approach to life 389 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,725 when watching a game. Just as an example, 390 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:05,725 who do we think these two Stoke City fans are getting angry with? 391 00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:07,605 Is it about proportional representation? 392 00:19:09,805 --> 00:19:11,405 Let's have a look. 393 00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:23,925 This is a study that shows that goalkeepers have faster brains than the rest of us. 394 00:19:23,925 --> 00:19:26,885 The tests also found that normal people's reactions were nowhere near 395 00:19:26,885 --> 00:19:28,605 as fast as professional footballers, 396 00:19:28,605 --> 00:19:32,125 who only take an average of 150 milliseconds before replying, 397 00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,845 "Yes, for that money I WILL go and play in Saudi Arabia." 398 00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:38,405 Fingers on buzzers. Next slide. 399 00:19:40,965 --> 00:19:43,285 Oh, hang on. There's something on that one. 400 00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:46,165 Fly! fly, my pretty! 401 00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:50,565 That doesn't look like the Guardian picture at all! 402 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,925 OK, fingers on buzzers, teams. 403 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:56,205 Here is your next slide on the microscope. 404 00:19:56,205 --> 00:20:00,005 We should come up with the comments before we see the picture. 405 00:20:00,005 --> 00:20:02,725 I had one of them but the wheels fell off. 406 00:20:02,725 --> 00:20:04,285 That's what I'm going to say. 407 00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,205 Whatever the picture is, I'm going to say that. 408 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,845 Come on, then, picture. Bring it up. Ready to go. 409 00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:14,165 LAUGHTER 410 00:20:17,645 --> 00:20:19,645 I had one of them but the wheels fell off. 411 00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,845 This has been the highlight of the show. 412 00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:28,045 This is a chicken that successfully conducted Beethoven's 9th Symphony. 413 00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:32,005 Does anyone know what this might be? No idea. 414 00:20:32,005 --> 00:20:35,605 It wasn't Beethoven, I think it was a coronation anthem! 415 00:20:38,765 --> 00:20:40,165 Oh, that's good! 416 00:20:40,165 --> 00:20:42,805 AUDIENCE MEMBER: It might have been Firebird. 417 00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:44,365 Yes, but it wasn't, was it? 418 00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:48,605 You don't get into show business that easy, I tell you! 419 00:20:50,445 --> 00:20:53,245 Anyone know what this might be? Yeah, it could have been Firebird. 420 00:20:53,245 --> 00:20:55,205 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 421 00:20:57,365 --> 00:21:00,325 This is the news that an orchestra in New Zealand has performed 422 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,725 a concert for a flock of chickens. 423 00:21:02,725 --> 00:21:05,405 Shall we have a look at the performance? Yes, please. 424 00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:27,125 Were they performing it for the chickens or near them? 425 00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:31,685 For any chickens, by the way, that couldn't make the live show, 426 00:21:31,685 --> 00:21:36,565 that will be broadcast later this weekend on Classic F HEN. 427 00:21:36,565 --> 00:21:38,765 AUDIENCE GROANS 428 00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,405 Will it be on your show? Yeah, almost certainly. 429 00:21:41,405 --> 00:21:45,245 You're on every morning, aren't you? Every morning, yeah. Nine till 12. 430 00:21:45,245 --> 00:21:46,485 I don't know how you do it. 431 00:21:46,485 --> 00:21:47,765 Or why. 432 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,405 LAUGHTER 433 00:21:52,605 --> 00:21:54,285 And now Fanfare Of The Common Man. 434 00:21:54,285 --> 00:21:55,725 The Lark Ascending. 435 00:21:55,725 --> 00:21:57,765 Fingal's Cave. We've had that a couple of times. 436 00:21:57,765 --> 00:21:59,525 Have you? Yeah. Dirty devil. 437 00:22:02,285 --> 00:22:05,565 Yeah, you've had this one doing its Fingal licking good. 438 00:22:05,565 --> 00:22:08,605 These are just... This is gold dust. 439 00:22:08,605 --> 00:22:10,925 I'm just going to keep going until the question ends. 440 00:22:10,925 --> 00:22:12,005 OK. 441 00:22:12,005 --> 00:22:14,405 That was the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra there with... 442 00:22:16,765 --> 00:22:19,325 According to the orchestra's chief executive Peter Biggs... 443 00:22:21,165 --> 00:22:23,445 Although one audience member was seen laying an egg 444 00:22:23,445 --> 00:22:25,165 and then hurling it at the bassoonist. 445 00:22:26,405 --> 00:22:28,285 This was a performance by members of the 446 00:22:28,285 --> 00:22:30,725 New Zealand Symphony Orchestra to an audience of chickens. 447 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,125 It was a lovely occasion. 448 00:22:32,125 --> 00:22:33,725 The chickens enjoyed the orchestra 449 00:22:33,725 --> 00:22:36,205 and afterwards at lunch the orchestra enjoyed the chickens. 450 00:22:37,285 --> 00:22:39,925 Time now for the odd one out round. Your four are... 451 00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:41,205 Alan Titchmarsh, 452 00:22:41,205 --> 00:22:42,485 Elon Musk, 453 00:22:42,485 --> 00:22:43,885 Meghan Markle 454 00:22:43,885 --> 00:22:45,685 and Joe Biden's dog, Commander. 455 00:22:46,765 --> 00:22:50,725 Commander has been sent away from the White House for biting people. 456 00:22:50,725 --> 00:22:53,965 I wouldn't put it past Meghan Markle or Elon Musk to bite people. 457 00:22:53,965 --> 00:22:55,685 Alan Titchmarsh not so much. 458 00:22:55,685 --> 00:22:57,205 No, he's got rabies. 459 00:22:59,005 --> 00:23:00,805 To do with neighbours. 460 00:23:00,805 --> 00:23:02,525 Ah, yes. Biden told the dog, 461 00:23:02,525 --> 00:23:04,205 "I'm going to have to put you to sleep." 462 00:23:04,205 --> 00:23:06,725 And the dog said, "That's good coming from you." 463 00:23:09,485 --> 00:23:13,085 The dog is the only one that doesn't want to bring back Pebble Mill at One. 464 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:17,845 No. They have all had trouble with their neighbours, 465 00:23:17,845 --> 00:23:19,205 apart from Joe Biden's dog, 466 00:23:19,205 --> 00:23:21,565 who has been troubling the people he lives with. 467 00:23:21,565 --> 00:23:23,765 Ah. So here is Joe Biden's dog, Commander. 468 00:23:23,765 --> 00:23:25,445 How has he been causing trouble? 469 00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:27,245 Bit 11 people. Yeah, that's right. 470 00:23:27,245 --> 00:23:28,405 According to the BBC, 471 00:23:28,405 --> 00:23:31,445 he's developed a habit of biting Secret Service agents. 472 00:23:31,445 --> 00:23:35,125 What did the Secret Service agents call Commander? 473 00:23:35,125 --> 00:23:36,645 That bastard dog. 474 00:23:38,165 --> 00:23:39,685 How has Commander been dealt with? 475 00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:42,805 Well, he's had to go live somewhere else, hasn't he? That's right. 476 00:23:42,805 --> 00:23:44,445 That's what they'll have told him. 477 00:23:44,445 --> 00:23:47,245 "He's gone to live on a farm, Joe." "Oh, OK." 478 00:23:47,245 --> 00:23:48,885 HE MOUTHS SILENTLY 479 00:23:49,965 --> 00:23:51,965 He's been removed from the White House... 480 00:23:51,965 --> 00:23:53,805 "He's gone to live on a farm." 481 00:23:56,045 --> 00:23:59,045 According to the Times, he's been removed from the White House and... 482 00:24:02,405 --> 00:24:05,725 Why's Alan Titchmarsh been getting frustrated with his neighbours, do you know? 483 00:24:05,725 --> 00:24:07,005 They keep biting him. 484 00:24:07,005 --> 00:24:10,525 He called for people to stop using power tools on Sundays, complaining that... 485 00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:15,285 Alan Titchmarsh says he is bothered by... 486 00:24:18,085 --> 00:24:20,725 On the plus side, he no longer has to put up with that noise 487 00:24:20,725 --> 00:24:22,685 the phone used to make when his agent called. 488 00:24:24,445 --> 00:24:26,045 In other nature news, 489 00:24:26,045 --> 00:24:29,885 what did Peter Glazebrook recently show off in Malvern? 490 00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:34,005 I saw this picture in the paper. It's an enormous thing. 491 00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:36,845 It's either a marrow or a cucumber. Don't be coy, Ian. What is it? 492 00:24:36,845 --> 00:24:38,205 It is... 493 00:24:38,205 --> 00:24:40,605 It's his massive prize-winning cucumber. 494 00:24:40,605 --> 00:24:42,045 Cucumber? Cucumber. 495 00:24:42,045 --> 00:24:44,045 LAUGHTER 496 00:24:45,245 --> 00:24:46,525 Now we are... 497 00:24:47,845 --> 00:24:50,605 Now we are getting to winter, he'll want to harden that off. 498 00:24:51,885 --> 00:24:54,125 I thought to myself when I saw it in the paper I thought, 499 00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:56,085 "I know where that's going to turn up." 500 00:24:57,805 --> 00:24:59,605 I'm surprised he hasn't fainted. 501 00:25:01,965 --> 00:25:04,485 Elon Musk, how's he been annoying his neighbours? 502 00:25:04,485 --> 00:25:06,845 Oh, he bought Twitter. Well, yes. 503 00:25:06,845 --> 00:25:09,365 He also uses his leaf blower on a Sunday. 504 00:25:09,365 --> 00:25:10,845 Bastard. 505 00:25:10,845 --> 00:25:13,805 When Musk changed the name of Twitter to X, 506 00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:16,365 he put an enormous flashing X-shaped sign on the roof of 507 00:25:16,365 --> 00:25:18,005 their headquarters in San Francisco. 508 00:25:18,005 --> 00:25:22,205 Let's have a quick look and see what it's like for people living across the street. 509 00:25:22,205 --> 00:25:24,765 I couldn't see anything but then I'm not a goalkeeper. 510 00:25:24,765 --> 00:25:26,405 No, you're not a goalkeeper. 511 00:25:28,445 --> 00:25:30,685 Why wouldn't you want Meghan Markle next door? 512 00:25:30,685 --> 00:25:32,965 Does she use a leaf blower on Sundays? 513 00:25:34,045 --> 00:25:35,365 One of them's got to. 514 00:25:35,365 --> 00:25:36,485 According to the Mirror, 515 00:25:36,485 --> 00:25:39,125 she and Harry are looking for somewhere else to live after... 516 00:25:42,765 --> 00:25:45,405 According to the Mirror, in the Sussexes' current home... 517 00:25:48,525 --> 00:25:52,005 Which, for all the work they have on their plates, is one desk too many. 518 00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:57,005 Time now for the missing words round and we start with... 519 00:26:01,965 --> 00:26:03,285 Keith Richards. 520 00:26:04,765 --> 00:26:06,125 Classic FM. 521 00:26:08,685 --> 00:26:10,885 It's lovely, classic FM. 522 00:26:10,885 --> 00:26:14,045 I think it's a handy reminder that all radios have an off button. 523 00:26:14,045 --> 00:26:15,805 LAUGHTER 524 00:26:17,805 --> 00:26:20,005 The answer is ginger hair. 525 00:26:20,005 --> 00:26:23,045 Scientists have found the ginger pigment in an extinct 526 00:26:23,045 --> 00:26:24,645 species of frog. 527 00:26:24,645 --> 00:26:27,525 Ginger frogs? Good luck finding the princess to kiss one of those. 528 00:26:31,645 --> 00:26:32,685 Next... 529 00:26:36,285 --> 00:26:40,085 Tiny yellow reflection of themselves. 530 00:26:40,085 --> 00:26:42,285 No, it's oooooh! 531 00:26:42,285 --> 00:26:44,245 Ghost! Yes. Oh! 532 00:26:44,245 --> 00:26:45,285 A ghost. 533 00:26:45,285 --> 00:26:49,685 God, this is like Christmas. Charades with Uncle Alexander. 534 00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,565 A couple from East Sussex claim... Ooooh! 535 00:26:53,565 --> 00:26:55,685 ..to have spotted a ghost in a fried egg. Here it is. 536 00:26:55,685 --> 00:26:58,365 Oh, no! 537 00:26:58,365 --> 00:27:00,405 Fair enough, I'd say. No! 538 00:27:00,405 --> 00:27:01,645 And finally... 539 00:27:05,685 --> 00:27:07,805 Secret financial arrangement with vet. 540 00:27:10,445 --> 00:27:12,925 "I'm taking that Labrador to the vet every week." 541 00:27:20,045 --> 00:27:22,725 This is the story of Jack Russell mix, Jaqweenie, 542 00:27:22,725 --> 00:27:24,485 who keeps pretending to be ill. 543 00:27:24,485 --> 00:27:27,565 LAUGHTER 544 00:27:32,725 --> 00:27:34,645 Got a good dress sense, though. 545 00:27:35,845 --> 00:27:39,085 So the final scores are Ian and Olivia on 6, 546 00:27:39,085 --> 00:27:40,965 Paul and Miles on 7. 547 00:27:40,965 --> 00:27:43,205 APPLAUSE 548 00:27:45,445 --> 00:27:47,965 But just before we go, there's time for the caption competition. 549 00:27:49,125 --> 00:27:51,965 Man with the glasses is saying, "Prince Harry sends his regards." 550 00:27:51,965 --> 00:27:53,725 LAUGHTER 551 00:27:55,485 --> 00:27:58,085 MILES: Naive man falls for smell my cheese trick. 552 00:27:58,085 --> 00:28:00,125 LAUGHTER 553 00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:02,325 On which note, we say thank you to our panellists, 554 00:28:02,325 --> 00:28:04,125 Ian Hislop and Olivia Utley. 555 00:28:04,125 --> 00:28:05,605 Paul Merton and Miles Jupp. 556 00:28:05,605 --> 00:28:09,325 And I leave you with news that in Manchester, Radio 4 listeners 557 00:28:09,325 --> 00:28:12,565 are impressed by a new statue that portrays Nick Robinson 558 00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:14,925 getting up in the morning to present the Today programme. 559 00:28:18,605 --> 00:28:20,005 That's dedication for you. 560 00:28:21,485 --> 00:28:23,805 In Liverpool, as Keir Starmer takes to the stage, 561 00:28:23,805 --> 00:28:26,925 Emily Thornberry regrets that edible she's just popped. 562 00:28:26,925 --> 00:28:28,645 LAUGHTER 563 00:28:31,685 --> 00:28:34,365 And there's a touching moment in a garden in Washington, 564 00:28:34,365 --> 00:28:37,365 as a nurse finds her missing patient at three in the morning. 565 00:28:37,365 --> 00:28:39,365 LAUGHTER 566 00:28:41,445 --> 00:28:43,205 Goodnight. 567 00:28:43,205 --> 00:28:45,085 APPLAUSE