1 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:11,040 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:11,560 This programme contains some strong language 3 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:32,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 4 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:32,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 5 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,360 Good evening. 6 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,280 Welcome to Have I Got News For You. 7 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,320 I'm Steph McGovern. 8 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:43,800 In the news this week... 9 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,560 In Hartlepool, Keir Starmer's advisors suggest he should move 10 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,120 on after chatting for 45 minutes to a patient who'd only come 11 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:54,560 in with an ingrown toenail. 12 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,360 In Andalusia there's evidence that a recent spillage of omega-3 oil 13 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:08,400 is having an effect on the brains of local wildlife. 14 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:08,480 is having an effect on the brains of local wildlife. 15 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,760 Buenas tardes, perdona - para Bolonia? 16 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:15,280 Buenas tardes, perdona - para Bolonia? 17 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,800 And just outside Lisbon, it's the first day of term 18 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,920 for the apprentices at the Cristiano Ronaldo 19 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,440 Football School. 20 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,880 THEY ALL SCREAM 21 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:34,720 APPLAUSE 22 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,240 On Ian's team tonight is a presenter whose first job 23 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,320 was in a factory processing peas, until someone finally 24 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,400 asked for a vowel. 25 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,040 Please welcome Carol Vorderman. 26 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:48,400 APPLAUSE. 27 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,080 On Paul's team tonight is a comedian who has a degree in applied theatre, 28 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,320 where they teach you about theatre, and also how to apply for temp work. 29 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:58,760 where they teach you about theatre, and also how to apply for temp work. 30 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,240 Please welcome Nabil Abdulrashid. 31 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,800 APPLAUSE 32 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:06,120 APPLAUSE 33 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,840 Right, we begin with the bigger new stories of the week. 34 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,280 Ian and Carol, have a look at this. 35 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,680 Blimey! 36 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,720 He'll be glue soon. 37 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,160 There's someone speeding. 38 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,280 That's Rishi and his wife. Yep. 39 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,160 Oh, that's Johnson burying the evidence. 40 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,640 Absolutely. 41 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,440 And look, he's being arrested. 42 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,960 So, good news week all round. 43 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,520 What a shower, eh? What an absolute shower. 44 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:35,720 What a shower, eh? What an absolute shower. 45 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,520 I can't believe they're our government. 46 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,560 Boris Johnson is like a dose of diarrhoea that keeps on giving. 47 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:47,200 Just every single time, every time you switch 48 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:47,400 Just every single time, every time you switch 49 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,800 on the news, he's still there. 50 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,760 How does this happen? 51 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,880 I think it's something to do with the system. 52 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,840 As Carol says, it's not been a good week for the government. 53 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,600 And poor old Rishi Sunak... 54 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,520 Well, not "poor", that's just...! 55 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,240 LAUGHTER 56 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,320 But whenever he thinks things are getting slightly better, 57 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,600 it all blows up again. 58 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,960 And Suella Braverman was done for speeding. 59 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,200 NABIL LAUGHS 60 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,080 Yes. 61 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,720 This is the news that Suella Braverman is off the hook 62 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,560 for speeding but Boris Johnson might be back on it again 63 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,240 for Covid breaches. 64 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,320 Although I don't think I want to see Boris's Covid breeches. 65 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,040 I am very interested in the story. 66 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,320 Because everyone says it doesn't matter and so what, 67 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,640 it was a speeding thing. 68 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,440 But she was Attorney General. 69 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,320 Which is the person in charge of the law. 70 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,200 And she asked her civil servants if she could have a one-to-one 71 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,240 speed awareness course. 72 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,120 And this was on the grounds that she is extremely well known 73 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,520 and it would have been embarrassing. 74 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,160 And I have to say, I did the speed awareness course, 75 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,080 and it was UNBELIEVABLY embarrassing! 76 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,920 So you don't do it again. So you don't do it again. 77 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,840 I mean, the Archbishop of Canterbury went and sat at the back 78 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,040 of his speed awareness course. 79 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,440 He wasn't on the same one as you, was he? 80 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:04,480 Yeah, of course! 81 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,160 How fast were you going, then, Ian? 82 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:10,880 I was doing 24 miles an hour outside Ikea. 83 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,320 I think we should appreciate Suella Braverman while she's here. 84 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,680 Yeah, she broke the law as a lawmaker, but I think lawmakers 85 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,360 should be allowed to break the law. 86 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,520 Every job has its perks. 87 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,160 You work at JD Sports, you get a discount. 88 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,440 You work at Pizza Hut, you get a pizza. 89 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,760 You live in Croydon, you learn how to fight. 90 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,960 I think she's perfect. 91 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,200 I think when that children's animation movie about the Tories 92 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,160 comes out, she'll make the perfect villain. 93 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,960 I think we'll call it "101 Allegations". 94 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:45,120 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 95 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:45,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 96 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,400 That's fair enough, but I think "allegations" 97 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,600 suggests she's not guilty. 98 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,560 So it's "101 Damnations". 99 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 100 00:04:58,440 --> 00:04:59,800 Very good. 101 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,320 So, what's Boris Johnson done now, allegedly? 102 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:07,000 The suggestion is that he broke Covid regulations not only 103 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:11,040 in his London flat but also at Chequers, his country house. 104 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,200 Which is a big shock to me because I thought he would break 105 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,920 the rules in one place and keep them in the other. 106 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,320 Yes, so he held gatherings at Chequers which were against 107 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,800 the Covid restrictions in place at the time, 108 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:22,880 which was between June... 109 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:27,000 He's denied this, though...which means it's true! 110 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,200 Sources told The Times that "the alleged breaches involved 111 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,800 Johnson's family as well as friends, although a source close 112 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,120 to Johnson denied this." 113 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,600 Then Rachel Johnson stepped in to help. 114 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,160 She told LBC, "All the rules were followed whenever 115 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,200 I went to Chequers." 116 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,560 No further questions, m'luds. 117 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,720 I think Sunak's a little bit pissed off 118 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:53,160 because he wasn't invited. 119 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:53,440 because he wasn't invited. 120 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,600 So how did this all come about, then? 121 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,800 Essentially he got shopped by his own people. 122 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,400 The public...you are paying for Boris's defence, and as part 123 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,480 of the defence he handed over his diaries, and the people looked... 124 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,800 "Blimey, look what he was doing then!" 125 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,960 And they reported him to the police. 126 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 127 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,200 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 128 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,600 Everybody is worried that as soon as you get near Boris, 129 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,440 you get fired and you lose your job, your life falls apart 130 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,080 and you end up in a gutter. 131 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,800 Apart from the chairman of the BBC, obviously. 132 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,720 It is time, though, to pull up the deckchair and get out 133 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:31,720 the popcorn, isn't it? 134 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,600 I mean, once his WhatsApps start to be revealed, 135 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,960 just like the Matt Hancock stuff... 136 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,480 Oh, amazing! I'll be enjoying that. 137 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,960 Supporters of Boris have complained about "stitch-up and smear". 138 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,520 Sounds like a firm of solicitors, doesn't it? 139 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:51,360 Gynaecologists. 140 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,680 Oh! 141 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,360 See, I thought that but I didn't want to say it. 142 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,520 I was there with you but I thought, no... 143 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,960 I wouldn't want to see that on television. 144 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,240 Absolutely not. 145 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,320 This is the BBC. 146 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,800 Sorry. 147 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:10,680 I've actually got me muff out on telly and done a live smear test. 148 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,040 I beg your pardon?! 149 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:16,400 It got me a Bafta nomination, actually. 150 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:21,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 151 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:21,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 152 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,200 This isn't Channel 4 lunchtime now, you know. 153 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,160 There are people watching! 154 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,600 AUDIENCE: Oh! 155 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,480 Right low - I'm gonna keep right low! 156 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,680 Here we go... 157 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,840 Are you going to take that? This is it. 158 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,720 The shit is hitting the fan now, love! 159 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,920 Right, what has Boris Johnson called the Deputy Prime 160 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,000 Minister Oliver Dowden, who is, of course, in charge 161 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,240 of the Cabinet Office? 162 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,680 What has he called him? 163 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:51,080 "A puss, yo." 164 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:51,160 "A puss, yo." 165 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,160 LAUGHTER 166 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,040 It'll be one of his nicknames. Oh, god. 167 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,920 Is he an Old Etonian as well, Dowden? 168 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,880 I don't think he is. Is he not? 169 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,040 No, I think he went to another public school. 170 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,440 Oh, did he? It's the same lot, isn't it, really? 171 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:06,920 No, they're not all... We-we're not...th-they're not all... 172 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,920 ..the same by any means, Carol. Honestly! 173 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,160 He called him "a compliant tool of The Blob". 174 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,320 Who is The Blob? 175 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,760 The Blob is anyone who opposes Boris. 176 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,560 Oh, are we? 177 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:22,600 What else are Boris's enemies supposed to be holding up? 178 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,160 Is it banners? 179 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,880 No, shall I tell you? Tell us. 180 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,240 His Resignation Honours List. 181 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,600 So, Nadine Dorries and a few other MPs have been told they can't wait 182 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,440 until the next election and will have to give up their seats 183 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,360 as MPs to take up their Ladyships. 184 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,480 Which means there could be at least three by-elections. 185 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,600 I'm sorry, I grew up in Nigeria. I'm Nigerian. 186 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,040 I grew up in Nigeria so for me, "by-election" just 187 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,120 means votes are on sale. 188 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,680 What exactly...? 189 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,080 LAUGHTER 190 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,720 It's when an MP leaves their position 191 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,840 for whatever reason. 192 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,520 They then have to vote in another MP for that constituency, 193 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,160 and it's called a by-election. 194 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:06,080 We're a couple of years behind Nigeria in terms of corruption. 195 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,920 Yeah, the boys back home are actually quite 196 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,880 proud of your progress. 197 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,640 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 198 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,680 This is the most welcome I've ever felt in this country! 199 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,560 More bad news for the government as well. 200 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,240 The legal migration figures came out this week. 201 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,600 Net migration to the UK last year was 606,000 people. 202 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:25,320 Net migration to the UK last year was 606,000 people. 203 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,720 It's gone up quite a lot. 204 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,160 What do you think on this, Nabil? Are you surprised? 205 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,880 Whoo! Get in there, lads! 206 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:35,200 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 207 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:35,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 208 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,360 I love it. 209 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,040 Do you know how many nice takeaway are going to open 210 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,360 now from other countries? 211 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,160 It's legal immigration, did you say? It wasn't illegal? 212 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,320 No, legal. Legal? 213 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,960 What's the problem? They're doing it legally. 214 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,680 Well, it's gone up quite a lot. 215 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,800 It was about 200,000 a couple of years ago. 216 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,440 Well, I don't like... 217 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:01,160 300 years ago a few people came over to certain countries also. 218 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,280 But not quite legally. 219 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:07,440 Eventually we persuaded them to leave, but they 220 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,280 took some stuff, so... 221 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:14,360 As far as I see it, you owe us. 222 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:18,760 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 223 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:19,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 224 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,400 There are a lot of Nigerians, aren't there, in those figures? 225 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:26,520 My friend, why do you like bringing all this...? 226 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:31,080 I'm very interested. We're all Nigerians somehow. 227 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,000 I lived in Nigeria for four years. Did you? 228 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,320 No wonder we have so many problems! 229 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,920 LAUGHTER 230 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:44,240 I was between nought and four, so... 231 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,160 I was between nought and four, so... 232 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,040 But still, I can still create trouble. 233 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,800 Wow, so you're actually Nigerian? Yeah, technically. 234 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,200 Ah, my guy! 235 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 236 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,800 Were you born there, then? 237 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,920 No, I left Wales to go to Nigeria... You're Welsh?! 238 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:08,680 How many different people that everybody hates do you want to be? 239 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:09,120 How many different people that everybody hates do you want to be? 240 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:14,080 LAUGHTER 241 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,080 This is the news that Boris Johnson may have broken the rules 242 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,120 during lockdown by hosting a series of parties at Chequers. 243 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,040 Which he insists can't be true as he was too busy hosting 244 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,880 parties at Downing Street. 245 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,680 After being caught speeding, Suella Braverman has been fined 246 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,960 and was given three points. 247 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,080 When he became Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak insisted his government 248 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,160 would be based on "integrity, professionalism and accountability". 249 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,400 Three points Suella hasn't got. 250 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,400 Before they were handed over to the inquiry, 251 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,160 some of Boris Johnson's more controversial WhatsApp 252 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,880 messages were redacted, leading the Metropolitan Police 253 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,480 to respond... 254 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,280 "What? You can redact them?!" 255 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,720 Paul and Nabil, have a look at this. 256 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,880 Yes, OK, that's the National Television Awards. 257 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,320 This Morning is probably winning an award there. 258 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,240 And... "My brother's done what?" 259 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:13,440 LAUGHTER 260 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,520 Yes, so this is This Morning, where Phillip Schofield has had 261 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:25,800 to leave after 20-odd years of presenting the daytime live show. 262 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,280 He had such a decorated career. He was a legend, and then he left. 263 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,680 But there wasn't, like, a big hoo-ha about him leaving. 264 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,200 He just left like a disgruntled intern. 265 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:40,040 I hope he stole something before he left, because that's... 266 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:40,440 I hope he stole something before he left, because that's... 267 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,760 This is the news that Phillip Schofield has left ITV 268 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,160 daytime show This Morning, showing just how quickly a career 269 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,760 on daytime television can come to a crashing halt overnight. 270 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:52,240 on daytime television can come to a crashing halt overnight. 271 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,640 WHISPERS: Fucking hell! 272 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:56,800 LAUGHTER 273 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,440 I found this story quite difficult to follow since I didn't 274 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,240 know who they were. 275 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,560 Or, indeed, there was such a thing as daytime TV. 276 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:05,680 Or, indeed, there was such a thing as daytime TV. 277 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,520 I always imagine it as people talking when someone's hoovering, 278 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,600 so it doesn't really matter what they say... 279 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,400 HMMMMM! 280 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,800 Anyway, you're on it, aren't you? 281 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:20,000 Well, I do every other Friday, yeah, with Alison and lovely Dermot. 282 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,960 So are you going to take over? Is it going to be Holly 'n' Carol? 283 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,120 No! 284 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,440 Probably Holly 'n' Alison, I would have thought. 285 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,520 Is that where your money is? That's where I'd put my money, yeah. 286 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,600 Would you, Steph? Yeah. 287 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,000 I mean, I suppose it's always going to be really 288 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,920 difficult, isn't it, when there's a bitter rift 289 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,200 between a much-loved, long-running TV duo. 290 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:45,040 LAUGHTER 291 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:49,000 Yes, but we don't sit next to each other. 292 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,760 What's the secret to your success as a pair? 293 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:56,560 We don't talk to each other outside of a recording. 294 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:56,680 We don't talk to each other outside of a recording. 295 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,800 Emergency presenters have been drafted in. 296 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,160 Here's how Alison Hammond and Dermot O'Leary paid tribute 297 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,320 to Phillip Schofield the day after his departure was announced. 298 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,800 And just to be clear - he hadn't died... 299 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,680 Now, we can't start today's show without paying tribute to the man 300 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,960 who spent the last two decades sitting on the This Morning sofa - 301 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,720 Phillip Schofield. 302 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,880 So, as a show, everyone on and off-screen at ITV 303 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,360 and This Morning want to say a huge thank you to Phil 304 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,240 for what he's done to make the show such a success over 305 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,800 the last 21 years. 306 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,960 Is not the thing with people on daytime telly 307 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,320 that they give an impression of being incredibly nice... 308 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,760 ..and apparently, Carol, behind the scenes people 309 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,600 aren't very nice. 310 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,480 You're smiley, lovely, you're the people next door. 311 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,520 You sit on on the sofa and say, "Would you want to eat this thing?" 312 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,480 Ian, are you forgetting you've actually been on my show? 313 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,360 And it was daytime? It was favours. 314 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,040 LAUGHTER 315 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,960 Yeah, but you were featured in a section called 316 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,400 "Where Are They Now?" 317 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:03,480 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 318 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:03,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 319 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,240 When I was on it, it was called Where Were They Then? 320 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,000 I love daytime telly, don't you? 321 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,760 Yeah. 322 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,240 I mean, I love daytime telly too, but I spent time in jail, so. 323 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:16,560 I mean, I love daytime telly too, but I spent time in jail, so. 324 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,000 Shall we have a look at what Eamonn Holmes had 325 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,680 to say about it all? 326 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:24,040 to say about it all? 327 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,000 Oh, yeah. 328 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,080 Yeah. 329 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,280 All of this, of course, follows the big announcement 330 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,640 on Saturday from Phillip Schofield that he was stepping down. 331 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,120 Oh, please, let's just stop this. 332 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,120 He was sacked, right? 333 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,560 All this nonsense about giving him. 334 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,400 "I have decided to step down." 335 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,440 I'm sure you did. 336 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,520 Sure you did. 337 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,080 Here, here's your P45, now step down. 338 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,160 Why do we... 339 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,600 Why do we propagate this language? 340 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,840 "I've decided to step down." 341 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,440 And she says, "Oh, the couch will not feel the same 342 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,240 "without him being there." 343 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,000 Well, she wanted him not there. 344 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,960 So what's she moaning about the couch not 345 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000 feeling the same for? 346 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:01,920 I mean, they deserve each other, I suppose. 347 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,320 The Daily Mail carried out a poll after the news 348 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,400 of Phillip Schofield's departure. 349 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,520 What was the question that they asked their readers? 350 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,800 Who is Phillip Schofield? 351 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,800 Who is Phillip Schofield? 352 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,120 The Daily Mail asked readers... 353 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:26,320 And 75% of the 5,569 readers who took part replied... 354 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,840 Finally, This Morning wasn't the only show 355 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:34,880 on television having problems. 356 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,240 Here's the start of a news bulletin on S4C News, 357 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,680 which is Channel 4 in Wales. 358 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,720 Yeah. 359 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,120 Yeah? 360 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,000 See if you can spot the technical glitch. 361 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,360 Yeah. 362 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,440 P'nawn da. 363 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,160 Mae mwy na 30,000 o gleifion wedi bod yn aros dros dwy flynedd am 364 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:57,200 driniaeth ar y Gwasanaeth Iechyd yn ol ffigyrau sydd newydd... 365 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:57,320 driniaeth ar y Gwasanaeth Iechyd yn ol ffigyrau sydd newydd... 366 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,800 LAUGHTER 367 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,960 I love it! 368 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:09,240 Not gonna lie, he's a legend for turning like that. 369 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,400 This is the news that Phillip Schofield has stepped down 370 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,640 from his co-presenting role on This Morning. 371 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,960 Holly and Phil have also received a nomination in this year's 372 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:22,680 National Television Awards, presumably for best drama. 373 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:22,760 National Television Awards, presumably for best drama. 374 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:28,000 Despite leaving This Morning, Phillip has stated that he will... 375 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,200 They'll save on the budget because the rink is going to be frozen just 376 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:37,560 by the atmosphere between them. 377 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,400 by the atmosphere between them. 378 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,360 So, to round 2 the strength-o-meter of news. 379 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,400 Fingers on buzzers, teams. 380 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,680 Yeah, Ian? 381 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,880 It's the Chelsea Flower Show. 382 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,360 I thought this was about the shortage of fruit pickers. 383 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,080 I thought this was about the shortage of fruit pickers. 384 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,560 Is it...Just Stop Oil. 385 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,200 So this is the news that Just Stop Oil protesters have 386 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,680 targeted one of the gardens at the Chelsea Flower Show. 387 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,080 The garden they targeted was the one designed for wealth 388 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:07,280 manager RBC Brewin Dolphin. 389 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,960 What form did the protest take? 390 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,880 Like, I know it was orange. 391 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,280 Was it like at the snooker? 392 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,320 Orange powder? 393 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,960 Yeah, that kind of thing, I think. 394 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,200 Yeah, let's have a look. 395 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,520 Oh, for God's sake. 396 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,320 No, no, no! 397 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,360 You morons. 398 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,240 Stop it! 399 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,320 You bloody morons. 400 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:28,280 Stop! 401 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,520 That is the poshest... 402 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,040 ..whitest thing. 403 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:37,760 ..whitest thing. 404 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,880 One of them is throwing it over herself. 405 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,000 Yes. 406 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,000 What happened next? 407 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,640 Batman turned up. 408 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,520 They got arrested and taken away by the police, I should imagine. 409 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,520 By the flower squad. 410 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,560 No. 411 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,000 Let's find out what happened next? 412 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,600 No? 413 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,560 CHEERING 414 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,120 It's time to face up to the truth. 415 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,000 Takes your heads out of your peat-free compost... 416 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,720 People's livlihoods are under attack! 417 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,080 There are other ways of doing it, ladies. 418 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:11,880 There are other ways of doing it, ladies. 419 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,960 This is...this is...this isn't Chicago, is it? 420 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,640 It's not the sort of thing that would happen in America. 421 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,680 It'd be at least 15 people dead by now. 422 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,320 So the...the person spraying the water on them, were they part 423 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,400 of the demonstration? 424 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,040 No, no. 425 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,480 She's part of the Chelsea Flower Show police, and that's 426 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,560 a very small water cannon. 427 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,600 What in the vegan barbecue is going on? 428 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,000 The woman was a visitor. 429 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,280 She was a visitor? 430 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,240 Yeah. 431 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,320 She says... 432 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,960 She was enjoying looking at the garden and they were getting 433 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,880 in the way, so she hosed them down. 434 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,520 She didn't hose them down, she watered them. 435 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,360 She didn't hose them down, she watered them. 436 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,000 Now they're going to grow even bigger. 437 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,280 What did the cleanup operation involve? 438 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:07,360 More water? 439 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:07,600 More water? 440 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,680 When I was watching that, I thought if she hadn't done the water, 441 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,320 they could have just brushed it up and got a Dyson round like you do 442 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,880 when you're watching This Morning. 443 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,200 Dyson is the name of Ian's butler. 444 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,160 Dyson is the name of Ian's butler. 445 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,880 Spelled Digby-Featherstone-Huffstone. 446 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,960 Meanwhile, what has Monty Don said he would do if he were king? 447 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,120 Free ganja for everyone. 448 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,960 Send everybody a packet of seeds? 449 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,000 No, no. 450 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,000 Tell us. 451 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,720 Monty Don wants to ban artificial grass. 452 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,400 Anyone here got artificial grass? 453 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,760 Have you, yeah? 454 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,400 It's great. 455 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,320 Oh, you got a boo there for that. 456 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,480 Really? 457 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,080 I think he's got an orange powder in his... 458 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:05,240 I do. 459 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,960 Time now for the odd one out round. 460 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,880 Your four are Olaf Scholz, Rishi Sunak, footballer 461 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,120 Erling Haaland and Winston Churchill. 462 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,880 Think about what Winston Churchill's wearing. 463 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,800 Oh, he's...was that known as a boiler suit? 464 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:19,840 A siren suit. 465 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,040 A siren suit. 466 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,080 Yeah. 467 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,320 That's not helpful at all. 468 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:29,440 Give us a clue that's more like the answer. 469 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,480 Yes. 470 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,520 OK. 471 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,200 They've all set fashion trends apart from... 472 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,240 ALL: Rishi Sunak? 473 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,480 Everybody's wearing those white hats these days. 474 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,520 You know what? 475 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,120 I used to spend so much time in safety gear when I worked at BBC 476 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,240 Breakfast someone set up a fetish website of Steph in safety gear. 477 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,280 Did they? 478 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,800 Was it you, Paul? 479 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,600 Paid for a holiday. 480 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,880 I love a safety helmet. 481 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:55,960 Do you? 482 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,480 Oh, I do, yeah. 483 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:02,120 I used to work underground as an engineer, and I had, like, 484 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:02,760 I used to work underground as an engineer, and I had, like, 485 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,280 khaki green boiler suit with a khaki green safety helmet. 486 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,440 Me and 2000 men underground. 487 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,480 Yeah. 488 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,000 Did they get out alive? 489 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,920 No. 490 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,280 No. 491 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,400 I'm going to tell you the answer. 492 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,480 Yeah, good. 493 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,560 They've all set fashion trends apart from German Chancellor Olaf Scholz, 494 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:28,040 whose fashion is so old it's wanted by a museum. 495 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,920 The Times reported that the German chancellor has 496 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,000 been carrying around... 497 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,480 And now a bid has been put in for it by... 498 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,600 Someone's looked up museum in a thesaurus there, haven't they? 499 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,440 If you want to look a bit more like the German Chancellor, 500 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,480 the great news is... 501 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,520 Who doesn't? 502 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,600 Who doesn't? 503 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,200 The great news is that if you travel to his hometown of Hamburg, this man 504 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:54,160 will give you the Olaf Scholz special for under E5. 505 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:54,440 will give you the Olaf Scholz special for under E5. 506 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,440 So that means clearly modeling the old trick glasses, 507 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,400 false nose and moustache. 508 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,920 What fashion trends has Rishi Sunak set, then? 509 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,120 I don't know. 510 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,480 Well, while in Japan at the G7, the Prime Minister... 511 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,640 Shoes! 512 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,640 ..wore these red socks. 513 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:10,640 Oh, socks. 514 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:15,440 Oh, yes, you see them everywhere. 515 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:15,920 Oh, yes, you see them everywhere. 516 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,960 They've got the logo of Hiroshima Toy Carp, 517 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,080 which is the Japanese prime minister's favourite baseball team. 518 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:24,080 Here he is with Rishi. 519 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,240 -- They've got the logo of Hiroshima Toya Carp, 520 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,360 which is the Japanese prime minister's favourite baseball team. 521 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,560 Here he is with Rishi. 522 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,960 And realising that Sunak's just stood on his pet snail. 523 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,680 What has Manchester City footballer Erling Haaland 524 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:34,760 increased the sales of? 525 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,160 He wears a headband, doesn't he? 526 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,200 But that's not it. 527 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,240 It's not that. 528 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,320 No. 529 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:40,320 Move down the body. 530 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:45,200 He wears a headband? 531 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:45,520 He wears a headband? 532 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:50,520 I can't stop now! 533 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:50,760 I can't stop now! 534 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,440 Is he the one that has his own brand of underwear? 535 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,160 It's to do with underwear. 536 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,840 So the football striker was recently pictured in the Manchester City 537 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,200 changing room alongside Noel Gallagher, wearing 538 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,720 a pair of white Y fronts. 539 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,400 Here he is. 540 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,040 The Daily Star reported that men trying to emulate the Norwegian 541 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,760 footballer caused... 542 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:12,280 footballer caused... 543 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,360 Yes, but how many were they selling before that? 544 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:20,240 That could be like, they've sold four. 545 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:20,640 That could be like, they've sold four. 546 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,880 According to the Science Museum archives, Churchill wore one 547 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,960 of his suits to the White House, where the first lady, Mrs Roosevelt, 548 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,400 declared that she was... 549 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,240 Finally, how has one man made sure he never leaves the house 550 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,360 without his favourite fashion item? 551 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,040 Has he had it tattooed onto him. 552 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,200 He has! 553 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,800 Blazej Ambrozak from Rochdale has had his favourite pair of Nike 554 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,040 trainers tattooed onto his feet. 555 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,840 Here they are. 556 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:47,200 Here they are. 557 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,760 All the effort and he's still got a pair that are two 558 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,000 sizes too small for him. 559 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:59,560 Time now for the missing words round and we start with... 560 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,080 Time now for the missing words round and we start with... 561 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,360 Water buffalo eats immersion heater. 562 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,840 You know, that is nearly the answer? 563 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,480 Oh, no! 564 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,680 Yeah. 565 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,240 Oh, no, it is water buffalo or some bison or something 566 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,560 local sort of oxen. 567 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,520 In Essex? 568 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:17,560 Yeah. 569 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,280 They were on holiday and they came over and they saw 570 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,160 this and they jumped into the swimming pool. 571 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,200 Yeah. 572 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:28,240 Let's have a look. 573 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:28,480 Let's have a look. 574 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,240 Next... 575 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,920 Nobody cares? 576 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:45,040 Facing the wrong way? 577 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,480 This was in the Norwich Evening News where they included images 578 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,880 of their reporters at the scene looking at the timetable. 579 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:56,720 of their reporters at the scene looking at the timetable. 580 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:06,240 A Norfolk County Council spokesman said... 581 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,400 Yeah! 582 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,280 Unfortunately, it does mean all the bus shelters 583 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:12,280 are now upside down. 584 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,920 And finally... 585 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,320 Is not permanent. 586 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:21,040 Is not permanent. 587 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:22,120 Celebrates an anniversary. 588 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,200 Yes! 589 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:24,640 You are bloody good at this! 590 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:29,760 Yeah. 591 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,840 That's amazing. 592 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,160 Is that right? 593 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,200 Yeah. 594 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:40,480 He's like the Rain Man of nonsense. 595 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:41,440 He's like the Rain Man of nonsense. 596 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,840 Yeah, let's have a look at the moving ceremony 597 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,360 to mark the occasion. 598 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:54,240 Is that a hearse in the background? 599 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,640 I reckon they're waiting for the bloke on the right. 600 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:57,680 What do you think? 601 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,040 Shall we have a sweepstake? 602 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,480 So the final scores are Ian and Carol have seven. 603 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,480 Yes! 604 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:06,880 Paul and Nabil also have seven! 605 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,960 Oh. 606 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,400 For me, that's a huge result. 607 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,880 Thank you. 608 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,560 But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition. 609 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,360 Ian and Carol have this. 610 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,240 SNP pick new auditor. 611 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,760 Government ethics adviser given unredacted access 612 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:28,320 to Boris's WhatsApp. 613 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:28,960 to Boris's WhatsApp. 614 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:36,200 Paul and Nabil get this. 615 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,080 When they told me I was going to be the branch manager, 616 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:44,240 naturally I was very... 617 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,640 On which note, we say thank you to our panelists Ian Hislop 618 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,360 and Carol Vorderman, Paul Merton and Nabil Abdulrashid. 619 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,360 And I leave you with news that in an amazing coincidence in Buxton, 620 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,600 the Bradford and Bingley and Homepride Flour Company outings 621 00:27:55,640 --> 00:28:00,200 take place on the same day. 622 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:00,880 take place on the same day. 623 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:07,000 In ITV's revamped Bullseye, there's concern that they've spent 624 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:11,880 too much on Bully's Star Prize. 625 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:11,960 too much on Bully's Star Prize. 626 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,360 And their suspicion of another smear campaign against Suella Braverman 627 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,560 as a file of speed camera photos mysteriously emerges. 628 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:21,440 Goodnight! 629 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:21,720 Goodnight!