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APPLAUSE.
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APPLAUSE.
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Good evening.
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Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
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My name is David Tennant.
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And in the news this week,
there is evidence that today's news
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outlets are far too
obsessed with click bait.
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As someone hears that there
is a squirrel on a skateboard
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in St James' Park.
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At the Department of Work
and Pensions, some young civil
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servants react to being told
they have to come into
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the office on Fridays.
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the office on Fridays.
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MAN SCREAMS.
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LAUGHTER.
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And, backstage on Russia's top
satirical panel show,
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the guest host begins to lose
confidence in the gags for this
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evening's performance.
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LAUGHTER.
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LAUGHTER.
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On Ian's team tonight is an actress
and comedian who said people
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laughed when she told them
she was marrying another comedian.
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Well, we're not laughing now.
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Which is a shame because they star
in comedy together.
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Please welcome Lucy Beaumont.
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APPLAUSE.
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And on Paul's team tonight, a writer
and a broadcaster whose bestseller,
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The Thursday Murder Club features
a group of eccentric old-timers
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who get together once a week
to air their crackpot theories...
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who get together once a week
to air their crackpot theories...
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An idea he got one Thursday
when he came and hosted this show.
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Please welcome Richard Osman.
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APPLAUSE.
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We begin with the bigger news
stories of the week.
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Ian and Lucy, have a look at this.
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This is childcare.
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There's some kids
looking after Rishi.
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Very nice of them.
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Don't drink that,
it's got his wee in.
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And there's Rishi
handing out papers.
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He's just working out how
much his wife's going to make.
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Quite a complex equation!
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Shall we start with Rishi
Sunak and childcare?
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Why don't we do that, yes.
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It transpired that the budget
in the spring is going to include
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a measure that means
they want to get childcare
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going so people going back
to childcare get paid £600,
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unless they work for an agency,
then they get £1200.
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They get double if they go
through the agency and his wife just
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happens, by coincidence,
to have shares in one
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of those agencies.
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And he didn't declare
this at the time.
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He probably forgot.
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He's got other things to do.
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I've no idea what.
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He failed...
He failed to declare the interest.
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Exactly.
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Labour's Angela Rayner said he'd
created a transparency black hole.
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Ooh.
What does that look like?
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That was in one of your episodes?
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LAUGHTER.
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LAUGHTER.
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But they've got shares
in a lot of things.
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Do you think there is no
company in Britain that
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Mrs Sunak doesn't own?
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Gregg's.
Gregg's, I bet.
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LAUGHTER.
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Well, we'll see in the next
budget, won't we?
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Sausage rolls go up 50 p.
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What else has Rishi been pushing
to the nation recently?
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What's he very keen
for us all to do?
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Maths.
Maths!
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Yes, he wants to reimagine our
approach to numeracy.
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I read that, like, his school has...
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The school he used to go
to has a private art
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collection, I thought,
like, my school had a private art
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collection, but it was like a cock
and balls behind the bike shed.
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Was it a Picasso?
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That's a PRIVATES art
collection, isn't it?
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LAUGHTER.
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LAUGHTER.
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I used to teach maths.
Did you?
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Yeah.
I know!
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He's announced this twice, now.
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It's his thing.
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But this time he actually
elaborated and said, "look,
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if we were better at maths
as a nation, you know,
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we would be less likely to lose tens
of billions of pounds."
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You thought, "does the name
Liz Truss ring a bell?"
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You thought, "does the name
Liz Truss ring a bell?"
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Again, he tried to get
people interested.
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There is a very funny clip of him
talking to some students
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asking for questions.
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Yes, this is Rishi trying to sell
the idea at a press conference
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and asking if anyone
has any question.
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Who is next?
Anyone else?
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All good?
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Anyone else have a question
before we go to the media?
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Anyone else have a question
before we go to the media?
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OK, gosh, very quiet!
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Any questions on things that
are not related to mass?
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Any questions on things that
are not related to maths?
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I'm also fine for those.
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All fine?
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OK, let's turn to the media
for some questions.
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He does look like a supply teacher!
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He does look like a supply teacher!
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He wants everyone to study maths
until they're at least 18.
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Let's see how hard
the maths will be.
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This is a GCSE maths question.
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{\an8}This is a GCSE maths question.
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{\an8}Who's got it?
Yeah, that's...
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{\an8}Yep, I do know that.
But you go ahead.
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Well, got five GCE maths,
which is the equivalent
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of 25-yard breaststroke.
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They've written it weird,
but you can see it's two
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{\an8}times 104, so that's 208.
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{\an8}Yeah, 204...
LAUGHTER.
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{\an8}Five times 103.
Do we get a point for that?
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No.
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It's 0.0004.
Oh, you!
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Oh, look at that!
Here we go!
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Ian Hislop gets a point for that.
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APPLAUSE.
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How many people actually know
that he got that right?
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Two people, look!
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Two people, look!
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One day, maths will be
revealed as a gigantic hoax.
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It takes 15 men five days to run
a bath, how many apples
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in a bunch of grapes?
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I mean, you know, who cares?
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Who's got a maths A-level here?
No.
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Nothing?
No?
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GCSE?
No.
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You taught maths??
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This is the state of
education in this country.
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I wasn't happy about it, either.
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I didn't want to be there.
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I once said, half of you aren't
going to get your GCSE,
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that's nearly 50%.
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LAUGHTER.
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What does Rishi blame
for our poor maths skills?
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Pranksters.
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Once you get past 12,
there are no other numbers.
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I surprised myself with that!
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I surprised myself with that!
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Rishi blames the anti-maths mindset.
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Yeah, we just heard it!
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He continued:
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He has a point.
He has a real point.
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A decimal point.
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The report on claims of bullying
by Dominic Raab has been handed
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to Number Ten but they're not
going to make
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a decision on it today.
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But we are recording this
the day before you see it,
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so by the time you see
it, who knows?
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Does anyone want to make up
what we think going to happen
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over the next 24 hours?
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Yeah.
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Well, I was going to declare
the result of the bullying
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Well, I was going to declare
the result of the bullying
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but then he said he'd
thump me, so...
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I mean, you only have to look at him
to realise he's completely innocent.
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You only have to look at him
to realise he's completely guilty.
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LAUGHTER.
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We have to cover every
possible eventuality here?
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Yeah, of course we do.
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And to go up and make that
statement with Paul Chuckle
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from the Chuckle Brothers...
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Anyway, may he rest in peace!
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LAUGHTER.
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Elsewhere in Westminster,
Jeremy Corbyn and Keir Starmer have
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been telling each other they're not
friends any more.
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Oh, they've fallen out.
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Starmer said in a recent
interview he wasn't friends
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with Jeremy Corbyn.
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But he did.
He did.
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In 2019.
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He said:
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And Jeremy Corbyn said,
this is playground stuff.
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He did.
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And then he said, actually,
we weren't friends.
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That's exactly it.
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Jeremy Corbyn said:
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Ooh!
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Then added:
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LAUGHTER.
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LAUGHTER.
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I didn't spend time
hanging out with him.
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Which Scottish politician might
be arrested this week?
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I presume you're assuming that
Nicola Sturgeon might be arrested?
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I'm assuming nothing.
It's just a speculation.
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Yeah, I would think now it's
rude not to arrest her.
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Nicola Sturgeon might be the next
Scottish politician to be arrested
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after it emerged that she blocked
scrutiny of the SNP's finances
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only a few weeks before
the arrest of her husband.
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SNP First Minister Humza Yousaf has
said he knows nothing
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and everyone believes him!
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and everyone believes him!
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It's all quite sexy, now, hasn't it?
The SNP.
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With, like, lies, police uniforms.
I'm interested, now.
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Yes.
Because Happy Valley has finished.
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LAUGHTER.
Something to get my teeth into.
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So, this is on Rishi Sunak's
insistence that everyone should
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learn the maths up to the age of 18.
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According to the latest
figures:
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00:10:07,479 --> 00:10:07,599
According to the latest
figures:
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Not great.
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Good enough to be the SNP
treasurer, however...
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00:10:14,399 --> 00:10:17,159
According to the Sunday Times Rich
list, Rishi Sunak and his wife
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00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:21,999
have a combined wealth
of £730 million.
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00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:25,519
But in much the same way that me
and Usain Bolt have a combined total
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00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,999
of eight Olympic gold medals.
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00:10:28,039 --> 00:10:30,839
This week the report
into Dominic Raab was handed
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00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:33,479
over to Number Ten.
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00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:36,719
Raab has had to pay a large sum
for his own legal defence
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00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:38,879
into allegations of bullying
but he will give some
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00:10:38,919 --> 00:10:41,039
of it back when he takes
Rishi Sunak's dinner
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00:10:41,079 --> 00:10:42,719
money off him.
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LAUGHTER.
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00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:49,559
{\an8}Meanwhile, Tory party chairman
Greg Hands was spotted
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{\an8}on the Laura Kuenssberg show having
written notes on his hands.
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00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:54,199
{\an8}Look at that.
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00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:57,239
{\an8}So Greg Hands reads
notes off his hands.
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Now we know why Ed Balls keeps
glancing down below the desk.
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00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:02,359
Now we know why Ed Balls keeps
glancing down below the desk.
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00:11:05,439 --> 00:11:07,599
Richard and Paul,
take a look at this.
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00:11:07,639 --> 00:11:12,239
Hmm.
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00:11:12,279 --> 00:11:12,879
Hmm.
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Right, OK, this is obviously a start
to a very big run in 1946.
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This is the runner,
the female runner.
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Part of a, I don't know
if it was a marathon.
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Was it a marathon?
An ultramarathon.
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Towards the end, she got injured
and she took a left in a car.
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And then got out and carried
on and came third.
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00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:33,759
You're absolutely right.
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What first alerted officials
to the possibility that Scottish GP
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00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,919
Joasia Zakrzewski hadn't run
the entire distance?
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They saw her getting out of a car.
LAUGHTER.
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Near the finishing line.
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She asked the organisers
to tip the driver.
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I think it's that she was wearing
one of those watches and she'd done
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00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:52,719
one of the miles she'd done in one
minute, seven seconds or something!
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It was GPS tracking data that found
she'd reached a superhuman
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top speed of 35 mph.
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top speed of 35 mph.
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And that for part of the event
she had followed the Main Road
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00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:08,479
rather than the race route.
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00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,119
Somebody did that
entirely on the train.
250
00:12:10,159 --> 00:12:12,319
It took them five
days and three hours.
251
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:14,479
What explanation did
Doctor Zakrzewski give for accepting
252
00:12:14,519 --> 00:12:16,799
a lift in her friend's car?
253
00:12:16,839 --> 00:12:19,079
She said, it's a really,
really long way.
254
00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:20,199
Yeah.
255
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,599
She told the BBC:
256
00:12:24,919 --> 00:12:29,559
She also said:
257
00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:35,119
Adding:
258
00:12:35,159 --> 00:12:35,599
Adding:
259
00:12:39,639 --> 00:12:41,799
Staying
with sport, why was the World
260
00:12:41,839 --> 00:12:42,919
Snooker Championship interrupted?
261
00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:44,279
Oh, yes, yeah.
262
00:12:44,319 --> 00:12:48,959
There was a guy that got up
on the table and, you know,
263
00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:49,439
There was a guy that got up
on the table and, you know,
264
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,879
threw some orange paint around
and they had to postpone
265
00:12:51,919 --> 00:12:54,799
that particular game.
266
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:56,719
{\an8}I don't quite know
what that was for.
267
00:12:56,759 --> 00:13:01,679
{\an8}These are terrible, terrible scenes
here at the Crucible.
268
00:13:01,719 --> 00:13:01,959
{\an8}These are terrible, terrible scenes
here at the Crucible.
269
00:13:07,439 --> 00:13:09,999
I mean, you know, if the players
will sit there drinking
270
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,119
oil during the match...
271
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,999
Then this, snooker, they did it
because it's live but the relevance
272
00:13:15,039 --> 00:13:19,759
of snooker to oil consumption is,
well, it's hard to see.
273
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,239
of snooker to oil consumption is,
well, it's hard to see.
274
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,279
It's suggested on the front page
of the Sun that he's
275
00:13:27,319 --> 00:13:28,719
a toff, is what I saw.
276
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:31,359
So, maybe he saw this,
he didn't really care because it's
277
00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:32,439
a working class sport.
278
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,079
I saw it on the news
but with the sound down
279
00:13:35,119 --> 00:13:37,919
and I thought they'd gone a bit,
you know, like the Super
280
00:13:37,959 --> 00:13:38,999
Bowl at half-time?
281
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:41,399
Thought they were trying
to jazz it up a bit.
282
00:13:41,439 --> 00:13:42,839
The adjoining match
was also interrupted
283
00:13:42,879 --> 00:13:45,199
by another protester,
Margaret Reid, 52.
284
00:13:45,239 --> 00:13:46,799
Not a bad break.
285
00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:51,639
LAUGHTER.
286
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:51,759
LAUGHTER.
287
00:13:51,879 --> 00:13:54,359
How did Master of Ceremonies,
Rob Walker, react to the disruption?
288
00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:56,039
With anger, I suppose.
289
00:13:56,079 --> 00:13:58,279
Let's have a look.
290
00:13:58,319 --> 00:14:00,239
COMMENATOR:Having spent
the money, your train ticket,
291
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,879
potentially hotel, as well.
292
00:14:02,919 --> 00:14:04,799
Make no mistake, yeah,
they're doing a...
293
00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:05,999
Is that Rob Walker there?
294
00:14:06,039 --> 00:14:07,319
Go on, Rob.
295
00:14:07,359 --> 00:14:08,759
How many jobs has he got?
296
00:14:08,799 --> 00:14:10,639
Commentator, MC.
297
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:14,279
I saw him driving a bus
earlier on today!
298
00:14:14,319 --> 00:14:16,199
He has got the marigolds
on, as well.
299
00:14:16,239 --> 00:14:19,839
Fair play to him.
300
00:14:19,879 --> 00:14:24,559
PAUL:See the colour of that paint?
301
00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:25,079
PAUL:See the colour of that paint?
302
00:14:25,679 --> 00:14:27,639
That's the colour of our
new bedroom curtains.
303
00:14:27,679 --> 00:14:29,279
I forgot we'd bought
new bedroom curtains.
304
00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:33,679
Yeah.
You volunteered to hang them for me.
305
00:14:33,719 --> 00:14:36,199
One of the voices you heard
there was Jimmy White,
306
00:14:36,239 --> 00:14:40,479
who knows a thing or two
about hoovering powder off a table.
307
00:14:40,519 --> 00:14:41,399
who knows a thing or two
about hoovering powder off a table.
308
00:14:41,719 --> 00:14:46,799
APPLAUSE
309
00:14:46,879 --> 00:14:49,479
One "Just Stop Oil" activist
made a very good point
310
00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:52,319
about the advantages of stopping
the use of fossil fuels.
311
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,719
Here he is on Jacob
Rees-Mogg's show on GB News.
312
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:55,719
Let's take a look.
313
00:14:55,759 --> 00:14:58,319
If we just stopped oil now,
the lights would go out.
314
00:14:58,359 --> 00:15:01,479
Well, we wouldn't have
to see you then, would we?
315
00:15:01,519 --> 00:15:02,919
But we're not asking for that.
316
00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:05,639
APPLAUSE
317
00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:07,279
Remarkably quick thinking, there.
318
00:15:07,319 --> 00:15:09,879
This started with the story
of the ultra-runner who was later
319
00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:12,799
discovered to be an ultra-cheat,
after it emerged she had been driven
320
00:15:12,839 --> 00:15:14,679
in a car for part of the race.
321
00:15:14,719 --> 00:15:16,359
Her disqualification
was confirmed by Race Director...
322
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:18,679
..Wayne Drinkwater.
323
00:15:18,719 --> 00:15:21,959
Along with his running colleagues,
Brian Stretchfirst,
324
00:15:21,999 --> 00:15:27,159
Chris Paceyourself
and Danny Havefun.
325
00:15:31,239 --> 00:15:33,359
Meanwhile, a "Just Stop Oil"
protestor interrupted a first-round
326
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,399
game during the World Snooker
Championship.
327
00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:37,679
The resulting mayhem was so chaotic
that several members
328
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:42,119
of the audience woke up.
329
00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:42,959
of the audience woke up.
330
00:15:44,359 --> 00:15:48,279
To the One-Armed Bandit of News.
331
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,599
CHEERING
332
00:15:50,639 --> 00:15:51,879
Fingers on buzzers, teams.
333
00:15:51,919 --> 00:15:54,479
BUZZ
334
00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:58,719
Who is that, Paul?
335
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:01,559
Yes, this is Fox News who have
just had to pay out...
336
00:16:01,599 --> 00:16:04,719
There was going to be a huge
court case in America.
337
00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:07,359
Fox News was full of stories
after Trump lost the election,
338
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,879
saying, "It's the machines,
they're fixed,
339
00:16:08,919 --> 00:16:11,959
every time somebody voted for trump,
it came out a vote for Biden."
340
00:16:11,999 --> 00:16:14,639
They were willing to tell lies
they knew to be wrong
341
00:16:14,679 --> 00:16:19,319
so they would not lose any viewers,
and Rupert Murdoch just couldn't
342
00:16:19,359 --> 00:16:19,639
so they would not lose any viewers,
and Rupert Murdoch just couldn't
343
00:16:19,799 --> 00:16:22,719
face coming to a court case
so he has paid up something
344
00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:24,119
like $670 million,
something like that.
345
00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,559
$787.5 million.
The .5 is important.
346
00:16:25,599 --> 00:16:27,919
If I understood maths,
it would be a big figure.
347
00:16:27,959 --> 00:16:29,479
It's not just a big figure.
348
00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:31,359
It's a record deformation
payout ever for anything.
349
00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:32,359
Is it?
350
00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:34,799
There's another election machine
and they are going to try
351
00:16:34,839 --> 00:16:36,199
and sue him for 2.7 billion.
352
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:40,319
I'm not following it very closely...
353
00:16:40,359 --> 00:16:43,239
What Fox News did, basically,
he was lying to the American people,
354
00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,399
saying that Trump is right,
the election has been
355
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:48,919
stolen, and now they've
admitted this isn't true.
356
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:52,079
So, I would say, that it's treason.
357
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,079
And that some 92-year-olds
could go to jail.
358
00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:55,639
What, for life, or six weeks?
359
00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:58,519
Whichever comes sooner.
360
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,559
The figures are just staggering.
361
00:17:01,599 --> 00:17:05,039
I mean, I sound very excited.
362
00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:10,239
There was a time when I had
the record libel payout...
363
00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:14,559
It was reported by CNN
that the settlement amount
364
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:14,919
It was reported by CNN
that the settlement amount
365
00:17:14,959 --> 00:17:17,239
of $787.5 million that Dominion
accepted was nearly ten times
366
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:20,919
the valuation of their company.
367
00:17:20,959 --> 00:17:21,919
Hard not to settle.
368
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,599
What are they going to do
with all that money?
369
00:17:24,639 --> 00:17:27,199
Will they input those
voting machines?
370
00:17:27,239 --> 00:17:31,359
They could make them like simulators
where you walk in and you're
371
00:17:31,399 --> 00:17:33,799
on a roller-coaster,
you know, you go in and vote
372
00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:38,719
and then you come out
and your hair has been done.
373
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:41,119
Will they just share it
amongst them or just use
374
00:17:41,159 --> 00:17:43,559
it for the machines?
375
00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:45,959
It's a good question cos
it's a lot of money.
376
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,359
How have the other US news
channels reacted to this?
377
00:17:48,399 --> 00:17:50,319
CNN, I would imagine,
would be quite happy.
378
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,959
Let's see what CNN had to say.
379
00:17:52,999 --> 00:17:54,439
Fox issued a statement saying,
380
00:17:54,479 --> 00:17:57,119
"We are pleased to have reached
a settlement of our dispute...
381
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,239
Dispute!
382
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,439
"..with Dominion Voting Systems.
383
00:18:01,479 --> 00:18:03,399
"We acknowledge the court's rulings,
finding certain claims
384
00:18:03,439 --> 00:18:04,599
about Dominion to be false.
385
00:18:04,639 --> 00:18:06,919
"The settlement reflects..."
386
00:18:06,959 --> 00:18:09,319
I'm sorry, this is going
to be difficult to say
387
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:10,559
with a straight face.
388
00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:12,919
"This settlement reflects Fox's
continued commitment to the highest
389
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,239
journalistic standards.
390
00:18:14,279 --> 00:18:15,839
"We hope..."
391
00:18:15,879 --> 00:18:20,439
Sorry!
392
00:18:20,479 --> 00:18:20,999
Sorry!
393
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,999
The lawsuit between Dominion and Fox
is part of an ongoing
394
00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:27,199
battle over free speech
and media accountability.
395
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:30,079
In the US it's led to accusations
of election rigging,
396
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,479
incitement to violence,
a riot at the seat of government,
397
00:18:32,519 --> 00:18:34,239
and several deaths.
398
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,639
And in the UK, Match of the Day only
showed the goals one week.
399
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:39,679
LAUGHTER
400
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,719
Fingers on buzzers, teams.
401
00:18:40,759 --> 00:18:45,679
Here we go again!
402
00:18:46,279 --> 00:18:47,279
What's this all about?
403
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:48,279
BELL
404
00:18:48,319 --> 00:18:49,719
Ian.
405
00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:54,439
It's called a cassette tape.
406
00:18:54,479 --> 00:18:54,919
It's called a cassette tape.
407
00:18:55,839 --> 00:18:58,359
It's a sort of modern thing
that you put music in...
408
00:18:58,399 --> 00:18:59,399
Yes.
..and it plays.
409
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,799
You can put a pencil
in it, as well, and...
410
00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:02,839
I've got one here.
411
00:19:02,879 --> 00:19:05,599
Who remembers that?
412
00:19:05,639 --> 00:19:06,599
APPLAUSE
413
00:19:06,639 --> 00:19:08,039
Why are they in the news?
414
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:12,079
Ah...
415
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,999
Ian thought this round was
called Guess The Object!
416
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:17,279
They're not making
a comeback, are they?
417
00:19:17,319 --> 00:19:19,679
Yes, they're making a comeback.
418
00:19:19,719 --> 00:19:22,239
There are lots of songs
from my youth that,
419
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:27,399
when they get to a certain part,
I expect them to stop,
420
00:19:27,439 --> 00:19:27,519
when they get to a certain part,
I expect them to stop,
421
00:19:28,639 --> 00:19:32,079
because it was at the end
of the side of a tape,
422
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,199
so when they carry on, I'm like,
"Oh, there's another half, is there?
423
00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:37,599
"Who knew Matt Bianco wrote
another half to that song?"
424
00:19:37,639 --> 00:19:39,999
After a resurgence in vinyl,
it's now emerged that sales
425
00:19:40,039 --> 00:19:42,799
of the cassette tape
are at a 20-year high.
426
00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:46,919
Yes, but they haven't
sold any in 20 years!
427
00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:49,119
Ian, have you returned
to the wax cylinder yet?
428
00:19:49,159 --> 00:19:50,439
Where are you up to?
429
00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:54,999
No, I can stream.
430
00:19:55,039 --> 00:19:55,639
No, I can stream.
431
00:19:55,719 --> 00:19:58,919
Well, you have got to expect it
at your age, haven't you?
432
00:19:58,959 --> 00:20:02,919
APPLAUSE
433
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:04,639
Very different from
your age, of course.
434
00:20:04,679 --> 00:20:07,959
Indeed.
Very different indeed.
435
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,559
In other news, a T Rex has
been sold at auction.
436
00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:12,279
Here it is.
437
00:20:12,319 --> 00:20:15,199
The skull came from Montana,
the body was dug up in Wyoming,
438
00:20:15,239 --> 00:20:18,039
and they went all the way
to Switzerland to get that lady
439
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,719
in the cardigan stuck to that pole.
440
00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:21,679
How much do you think it is worth?
441
00:20:21,719 --> 00:20:22,679
1.7 million.
442
00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:23,879
A bit more than that.
443
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:25,319
Wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio
bidding for it?
444
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:26,399
Oh, was he?
445
00:20:26,439 --> 00:20:29,719
It must be too old for him.
446
00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:34,319
APPLAUSE
447
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:34,919
APPLAUSE
448
00:20:36,239 --> 00:20:37,639
The skeleton sold for £5 million.
449
00:20:37,679 --> 00:20:38,799
Wow.
450
00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:41,479
Time now for the Odd One Out round.
451
00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:43,799
Just one between you this week.
452
00:20:43,839 --> 00:20:47,039
The four are Bolton Wanders,
Brecon Beacons National Park,
453
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,639
BBC News, and Toblerone.
454
00:20:48,679 --> 00:20:49,639
BUZZ
455
00:20:49,679 --> 00:20:52,639
Yes, Paul.
456
00:20:52,679 --> 00:20:55,639
Yes, well, the Brecon Beacons
this week announced
457
00:20:55,679 --> 00:20:59,079
they are going to change the name
from Brecon Beacons to a Welsh name.
458
00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:01,919
Toblerone can no longer feature
a mountain on their packaging
459
00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:04,919
because I don't think
they are being made in Switzerland
460
00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:06,119
any more, is that right?
461
00:21:06,159 --> 00:21:08,439
Yes, I think Slovenia
or something like that.
462
00:21:08,479 --> 00:21:11,639
So, basically, Toblerone is the odd
one out because all the other three
463
00:21:11,679 --> 00:21:14,279
have changed their names recently
but Toblerone has had to change
464
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:15,439
the design of their packaging.
465
00:21:15,479 --> 00:21:18,599
I'm going to have to tell you,
they have all had a rebrand,
466
00:21:18,639 --> 00:21:20,759
apart from Bolton Wanderers,
who have had a change
467
00:21:20,799 --> 00:21:21,759
of stadium sponsor.
468
00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:23,319
Oh!
469
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,719
The League One team recently
revealed that they've struck
470
00:21:25,759 --> 00:21:28,079
a new stadium sponsor deal
with a local building products
471
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:29,999
company called Toughsheet.
472
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:34,559
LAUGHTER
473
00:21:34,599 --> 00:21:37,599
Hmm.
474
00:21:37,639 --> 00:21:40,199
Which means that, for the next five
years, they'll be playing
475
00:21:40,239 --> 00:21:41,599
in the Toughsheet Community Stadium.
476
00:21:41,639 --> 00:21:45,599
It could be worse, though.
477
00:21:45,639 --> 00:21:47,719
What did National League team
Southend United accidentally name
478
00:21:47,759 --> 00:21:49,199
one of their stands last year?
479
00:21:49,239 --> 00:21:51,839
I think it was an estate agents
or something called Rose...
480
00:21:51,879 --> 00:21:52,839
Gilbert & Rose, yes.
481
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:57,199
..and it was the West Stand that
became known as the Rose West Stand.
482
00:21:57,239 --> 00:21:58,119
..and it was the West Stand that
became known as the Rose West Stand.
483
00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:02,319
How are the Brecon Beacons National
Park having a rebrand?
484
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:03,999
Who wants a go at pronouncing it?
485
00:22:04,039 --> 00:22:05,039
IAN:Bannau Brycheiniog.
486
00:22:05,079 --> 00:22:06,719
That sounds quite good.
487
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,799
Let's cross to our
Welsh correspondent.
488
00:22:09,839 --> 00:22:13,919
The correct pronunciation
is Bannau Brycheiniog.
489
00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:18,039
Bannau Brycheiniog.
490
00:22:18,079 --> 00:22:21,919
Thanks, Michael.
491
00:22:21,959 --> 00:22:23,759
APPLAUSE
492
00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:25,479
He's very good, isn't
he, Michael Sheen?
493
00:22:25,519 --> 00:22:26,479
Don't you think?
494
00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:27,919
He's all right.
Oh, he's good.
495
00:22:27,959 --> 00:22:29,839
You know what, anything
he does, he carries.
496
00:22:29,879 --> 00:22:31,879
Yes, he does.
497
00:22:31,919 --> 00:22:35,359
He's got such charisma.
He's the actor of his generation.
498
00:22:35,399 --> 00:22:39,679
And I love his floor polish.
499
00:22:39,719 --> 00:22:40,519
And I love his floor polish.
500
00:22:41,279 --> 00:22:46,079
Do people in Scotland like you as
much as people in Wales like him?
501
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:46,479
Do people in Scotland like you as
much as people in Wales like him?
502
00:22:50,159 --> 00:22:53,599
He's versatile, that's the thing.
503
00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:56,519
He can do comedy and drama
which a lot of actors can't...
504
00:22:56,559 --> 00:22:57,919
No, they can't.
505
00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,319
Doesn't rely on props.
506
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,439
Exactly that.
507
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:01,439
Doesn't rely on props.
508
00:23:01,479 --> 00:23:04,119
Oh, he does.
509
00:23:04,159 --> 00:23:05,599
You're not a prop.
510
00:23:05,639 --> 00:23:08,799
Come on.
511
00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:13,719
APPLAUSE
512
00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:13,999
APPLAUSE
513
00:23:14,319 --> 00:23:16,479
So what rebrand have Toblerone
been forced to make?
514
00:23:16,519 --> 00:23:18,079
Do they have to change the mountain?
515
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:19,159
Yes.
516
00:23:19,199 --> 00:23:21,279
They have had to remove
the Matterhorn from packaging.
517
00:23:21,319 --> 00:23:22,359
Oh, I see.
518
00:23:22,399 --> 00:23:25,439
A handful of people are said to be
gutted but most of Switzerland
519
00:23:25,479 --> 00:23:28,639
is pretty neutral on the matter.
520
00:23:28,679 --> 00:23:32,839
Toblerone can no longer use
the Matterhorn on their packaging.
521
00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:36,479
Another protected name under threat
is the Dundee fruitcake.
522
00:23:36,519 --> 00:23:40,279
Or, as it's better known,
the accountant for the SNP.
523
00:23:40,319 --> 00:23:45,359
How was the BBC News Channel
rebranded this month?
524
00:23:45,439 --> 00:23:48,719
BBC News and BBC Worldwide
have just become BBC.
525
00:23:48,759 --> 00:23:51,599
Yes, meaning the two channels
are now sharing content and they've
526
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:55,479
also told reporters on location that
in order to gain the trust
527
00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:58,639
of viewers they should dress down,
try to look more "sweaty and dirty."
528
00:23:58,679 --> 00:24:01,599
What?!
529
00:24:01,639 --> 00:24:06,719
Yes, you should see what I'm
wearing under here.
530
00:24:06,839 --> 00:24:10,839
And why should Estonian politician
Rain Epler consider a rebrand?
531
00:24:10,879 --> 00:24:12,919
Does it mean something
in Estonian, is it rude?
532
00:24:12,959 --> 00:24:16,639
No, it's not that.
533
00:24:16,679 --> 00:24:21,719
Epler has been labelled
by The Independent as...
534
00:24:21,759 --> 00:24:21,839
Epler has been labelled
by The Independent as...
535
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:24,919
You're probably assuming he's some
sort of lunatic, but here he is...
536
00:24:24,959 --> 00:24:27,799
LAUGHTER
537
00:24:27,839 --> 00:24:31,439
Wow.
538
00:24:31,479 --> 00:24:36,559
Honestly, Michael Sheen
can turn into anyone.
539
00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:36,679
Honestly, Michael Sheen
can turn into anyone.
540
00:24:37,719 --> 00:24:41,359
Time now for the Missing Words
round which this week features
541
00:24:41,399 --> 00:24:42,439
as its guest publication,
542
00:24:42,479 --> 00:24:44,439
"The Handwritten Letter
Appreciation Society."
543
00:24:44,479 --> 00:24:47,639
If you really want to wind up
the editor, drop her an e-mail.
544
00:24:47,679 --> 00:24:49,759
We start with...
545
00:24:51,679 --> 00:24:55,519
LUCY:Greta Thunberg.
546
00:24:55,599 --> 00:24:59,959
{\an8}RICHARD:Is it legroom?
547
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:00,559
{\an8}RICHARD:Is it legroom?
548
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:03,999
{\an8}Oh, wow.
549
00:25:04,039 --> 00:25:05,559
{\an8}It's the dream.
550
00:25:05,599 --> 00:25:09,279
This is Paul Wilkinson who found
himself as the only person
551
00:25:09,319 --> 00:25:12,159
on a flight from
Portugal to Belfast.
552
00:25:12,199 --> 00:25:15,359
According to The Times...
553
00:25:15,399 --> 00:25:17,999
The cabin crew threw eggs
at him and said his wife
554
00:25:18,039 --> 00:25:18,999
should never be Queen.
555
00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:22,239
Next...
556
00:25:24,999 --> 00:25:29,679
LUCY:Chip butty that
you can live in.
557
00:25:29,719 --> 00:25:30,119
LUCY:Chip butty that
you can live in.
558
00:25:32,679 --> 00:25:34,039
PAUL:Combined bungee
jump massage parlour?
559
00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:35,119
No.
560
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:36,479
In and out in five minutes.
561
00:25:36,519 --> 00:25:38,279
I think they've got one of them.
562
00:25:38,319 --> 00:25:40,279
Is it Philip Larkin Centre?
563
00:25:40,319 --> 00:25:44,559
No.
564
00:25:44,599 --> 00:25:44,639
No.
565
00:25:44,679 --> 00:25:48,359
Oh, I should know, yeah.
566
00:25:48,399 --> 00:25:49,359
Everyone's raving about it.
567
00:25:49,399 --> 00:25:51,159
Yeah?
568
00:25:51,199 --> 00:25:54,359
This is the news that a city centre
bar in Hull is offering
569
00:25:54,399 --> 00:25:56,279
an all-you-can-eat buffet of 30
different crisp varieties.
570
00:25:56,319 --> 00:25:59,039
The organiser of the event said...
571
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:03,679
Cardiologists?
572
00:26:06,319 --> 00:26:10,839
Next...
573
00:26:11,799 --> 00:26:16,439
LUCY:The hunting down and ritual
slaughter of Moonpig.
574
00:26:16,479 --> 00:26:16,999
LUCY:The hunting down and ritual
slaughter of Moonpig.
575
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,719
APPLAUSE
576
00:26:24,319 --> 00:26:26,879
It was...
577
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:31,319
Oh, we would have got
there in the end, wouldn't we?
578
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:32,119
Oh, we would have got
there in the end, wouldn't we?
579
00:26:32,479 --> 00:26:34,759
Along with a post box crawl,
the Handwritten Letter Appreciation
580
00:26:34,799 --> 00:26:35,919
Society also had a cake.
581
00:26:35,959 --> 00:26:39,719
Look at this.
582
00:26:39,839 --> 00:26:41,079
Sweet.
583
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:42,159
Aww.
584
00:26:42,199 --> 00:26:44,359
That's lovely.
585
00:26:44,399 --> 00:26:47,999
In three weeks' time,
someone will get that.
586
00:26:48,039 --> 00:26:50,759
If you're a member of
the Handwritten Letter
587
00:26:50,799 --> 00:26:52,519
Appreciation Society,
congratulations for
588
00:26:52,559 --> 00:26:56,839
surviving the winter.
589
00:26:56,879 --> 00:26:57,799
surviving the winter.
590
00:27:01,759 --> 00:27:06,079
So, on that bombshell,
the final scores are Ian
591
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,559
and Lucy have four points.
592
00:27:08,599 --> 00:27:09,799
Paul and Richard have 14.
593
00:27:09,839 --> 00:27:10,879
14 points.
594
00:27:10,919 --> 00:27:11,839
Well done.
595
00:27:11,879 --> 00:27:14,999
CHEERING
596
00:27:15,039 --> 00:27:17,839
Before we go, there is just time
for the Caption Competition.
597
00:27:17,879 --> 00:27:22,319
LUCY:"Let it go, Harry,
they're not going to invite you."
598
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:23,079
LUCY:"Let it go, Harry,
they're not going to invite you."
599
00:27:24,479 --> 00:27:27,039
On which note, we say thank
you to our panellists,
600
00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:29,919
Ian Hislop and Lucy Beaumont,
Paul Merton and Richard Osman.
601
00:27:29,959 --> 00:27:33,399
And I leave you with news that
in Berkshire, there's a mix-up
602
00:27:33,439 --> 00:27:36,279
in the Celebrity Bake Off tent
when one of the contestants realises
603
00:27:36,319 --> 00:27:41,439
they've accidentally iced a hat.
604
00:27:41,479 --> 00:27:41,519
they've accidentally iced a hat.
605
00:27:43,759 --> 00:27:46,559
In Downing Street, after trying both
wide-angle and zoom lenses,
606
00:27:46,599 --> 00:27:50,999
photographers have to accept there's
no way of taking a balanced picture.
607
00:27:51,039 --> 00:27:51,639
photographers have to accept there's
no way of taking a balanced picture.
608
00:27:54,679 --> 00:27:58,519
And as King Charles promises
to make his Coronation
609
00:27:58,559 --> 00:28:00,359
environmentally friendly,
Swedish Royals begin their low
610
00:28:00,399 --> 00:28:04,839
carbon footprint journey to London.
611
00:28:04,879 --> 00:28:05,199
carbon footprint journey to London.
612
00:28:05,239 --> 00:28:07,079
Goodnight.
613
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:12,279
APPLAUSE
614
00:28:12,319 --> 00:28:12,359
APPLAUSE
615
00:28:45,199 --> 00:28:45,359
David,
616
00:28:45,399 --> 00:28:45,599
David, you
617
00:28:45,639 --> 00:28:45,799
David, you will
618
00:28:45,839 --> 00:28:45,959
David, you will be
619
00:28:45,999 --> 00:28:46,199
David, you will be very
620
00:28:46,239 --> 00:28:46,399
David, you will be very good
621
00:28:46,439 --> 00:28:47,159
tonight.
622
00:28:47,199 --> 00:28:47,439
tonight. I
623
00:28:47,479 --> 00:28:47,599
tonight. I can
624
00:28:47,639 --> 00:28:47,799
tonight. I can only
625
00:28:47,839 --> 00:28:47,999
tonight. I can only think
626
00:28:48,039 --> 00:28:49,159
tonight. I can only think of
627
00:28:49,199 --> 00:28:49,399
tonight. I can only think of one
628
00:28:49,439 --> 00:28:49,519
tonight. I can only think of one man
629
00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:49,799
tonight. I can only think of one man
who
630
00:28:49,839 --> 00:28:49,999
who could
631
00:28:50,039 --> 00:28:50,159
who could have
632
00:28:50,199 --> 00:28:50,359
who could have done
633
00:28:50,399 --> 00:28:50,599
who could have done it
634
00:28:50,639 --> 00:28:50,759
who could have done it better!