[indistinct chatter]
(Will) Excuse me.
Girl, I hope these Greek clowns clean up after themselves.
A bunch of messy, inconsiderate children.
So, which house are you joinin'?
Hey, girl, you know, I ain't into that frat stuff.
It's for a bunch of pocket-protector-wearing
and no-social-life-havin' losers.
Let the pledging begin.
The defense rests, Your Honor.
Carlton, Will think fraternities are a waste of time.
Maybe for him
but the more activities I'm involved in
the better I'll look to Princeton.
Besides, these guys know how to have fun.
♪ We're Delta Kappa Tau ♪
♪ We'd like to take a bow ♪
♪ We got the highest grades ♪
♪ And we will tell you how ♪
♪ We study study study for professional careers ♪
♪ We drink a lot of Ovaltine ♪
♪ But never any beers ♪
Ow.
"Revenge of the Nerds, Part Six."
♪ We're Lambda Kappa Nu ♪
♪ Our blood is very blue ♪
♪ Our money's old our cards are gold ♪
♪ And who the heck are you? ♪
Where's, like, a big gong when you need one, you know?
[blows whistle]
Ah-ooh!
Make way for the brothers of Phi Beta Gamma.
♪ Phi Beta Gamma step ♪
♪ Black ♪
♪ Gold ♪
♪ Black ♪
♪ Gold ♪♪
(all) Ah, ah.
Ah.
Ah-hoo. Ah-hoo.
Ooh-hoo! Man!
Hey, I guess that's a tough choice, huh, Carlton?
I'll say.
Can I hear yours again?
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about ♪
♪ How my life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
Well, my gold card has a hologram
of Lee Iacocca on it.
Excuse us, guys.
It's time for a negro moment.
Um, Carlton, wouldn't you rather join a fraternity
where the guys look more like you?
[scoffs] I was.
Didn't you notice we all had Alligator shirts on?
- What up, Philly boy? - What's up, man?
I haven't seen you down at the courts lately.
I miss our one-on-one.
Oh, now, Top Dog, you know when it's me against you
it's one-on-none.
Hey, yo, well, I can't play on them tired courts
y'all be playing on, man.
Hey, you haven't been down there in a while, man.
Me and frat brothers, we raised some money
and we hooked them rims upproper.
Oh, you're in a fraternity?
And yeah, I thought you had a life.
Hey, man, I run the fraternity.
Hey, why don't you check us out?
Uh, nah, man. Fraternities ain't my flavor.
See you at the frat tonight.
But I will have a double scoop of that, though.
- Good God. - Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, we also do a lot of work
for the community, brother.
Like, visit down at the senior center.
And we also tutor kids down at the juvenile hall.
Oh, terrific.
Oh, the Princeton people love to see
community service on applications.
Oh, I wouldn't really have to go down to juvenile hall, would I?
I hear those kids are real troublemakers.
[laughing]
We need a little humor down at the frat house.
Well, don't get no littler than Cousin Carlton.
What's up, Carlton? Top Dog.
Think about it, Philly boy.
You, too, cousin.
Us brothers need to stick together.
Yes, sir.
[instrumental music]
(woman on TV) 'Twenty six years of marriage'
'and I find you in bed with a cheerleader.'
'Laslow, how could you?'
(man on TV) 'Tune in tomorrow for another episode of"All My Fault."'
What a sleaze.
I hope Mary dumps Laslow's sorry butt.
Me, too, you think she would've learned
after he lied about neutering the cat.
She really hasn't been the same since she had that sex change.
Yeah, I guess you're right about that.
Listen to yourselves.
You're caught up in the lives of make-believe characters.
Tell you what, mom, I'll watch the baby.
Go to a museum, and, uh..
...take Hilary with you.
Ashley, the only reason we get involved in this kind of stuff
is that real life sometimes is kind of boring.
[engine revving]
What's that?
Harley-Davidson '58 panhead.
I used to date a biker.
(Philip) Whoo!
Was that a ride, or was that a ride?
Great. Maybe next time we can actually hit second gear.
Philip, what's goin' on?
What does it look like, Vivian?
Well, it looks like a bunch of middle-aged men
with too much time on their hand.
Hey, we're bikers.
Dan...you're an accountant.
Uh, got a moment...Fonzie?
Are you crazy?
I told you I was going to buy a bike someday, Vivian.
You also told me you were going to lose 50 pounds.
A motorbike is so dangerous.
Well, just look at it this way, sweetheart.
If I take a fall, I have a 50-pound cushion.
Honey, you've also got an infant son who needs you..
...in one piece.
I don't see Dan's wife giving him any heat over this.
From what Helen tells me she ain't giving him
any heat anywhere else either.
Oh, you women discuss that?
You'd be surprised what we talk about.
Honey, be reasonable.
Get off the midlife crisis highway and come home.
Oh, yeah, I can't wait to see your first hot flash.
Yo, Uncle Phil, what's up with the bike?
Look, I bought me a motorcycle, it was my decision
and I don't want to hear anymore about it.
Must be that midlife crisis thing Aunt Viv warned us about.
So, uh..
- How are things at school? - Great.
Oh, dad, I'm thinking of pledging Phi Beta Gamma.
Oh, Judge Morton is a Gamma.
And he's also an alcoholic.
No. That's Judge Martin.
Yeah, so, that's great, son.
You're a real college man now, huh?
Thanks, dad.
Well, I think I'm going to go take my nap.
So, I take it you're not pledging.
Oh, nah, you know, Uncle Phil
I got a reputation more as a free spirit.
Mm. Well, you know, Will, I wouldn't sell
fraternity life short, you know.
Might get something out of it.
That's true, you know, they do a lot of work
in the community and stuff like that.
The Gammas are a good group. Why don't you give it a shot?
Well, the frat leader does need
a little help with his jumping, you know
maybe I'll join as like a mercy thing, you know.
That's great. So, hop on. I'll take you for a ride.
Oh, that's cool.
Oh, but you better not try none of that
run-out-of-gas stuff, mister.
[instrumental music]
(Orlando) Pledges.
On behalf of the brothers of Phi Beta Gamma
I welcome you.
The journey begins.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just relax, Magellan.
Alright, at this time, I'd like to turn it over
to big brother Top Dog, your pledge leader.
Attention! Busters.
I hope you like your new uniforms.
You will be wearing them for a week.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Top Dog, sir.
Pledge Banks, you onlyspeak when you arespokento.
Well, are you speaking to me now, or are you..
Shh.
Oh, I'm sorry, Will, but I think everyone here will agree
that wearing the same thing for a week is not good hygiene.
Right, fellas?
So Pledge Banks likes to wash clothes.
Actually, my butler handles the laundry.
Your butler?
Yes. Geoffrey. He's a whiz with my fine washables.
[chuckles]
Pledge Banks, where are you from?
Bel-Air.
Uh, South Central Bel-Air.
I live right across the street from the Aaron Spelling Mansion.
You know, the producer of "Beverly Hills, 90210."
I don't watch it.
Oh, you don't know what you're missing.
Dylan's on the verge of getting back with Brenda.
And you are on the verge of making a fool out of yourself.
They really getting back together, though?
It looks like to me our floor needs a little scrub.
And a wax and a polish too, I might add. Heh.
That's a good idea, Pledge Banks.
Pledges, get busy.
And you can thank Pledge Banks for doubling your work load.
Uh, no need to thank him all at once, fellas, you know.
What's up with that fool?
- Who? -Who?
Will's cousin, the brother from another planet.
Come on, now, Dog. You hardly know the guy.
I know all I need to know.
I'm going to teach him the true meaning of "Hell week."
[instrumental music]
Hello, you poor excuses for pledges.
(all) Greetings, big brother Top Dog of Phi Beta Gamma.
Today we're splitting up into groups.
I'm taking Philly boy and Money Bags to block.
Hey, we're going to play Hollywood squares.
[Lee Dorsey singing "Workin' In The Coal Mine"]
♪ Workin' in the coal mine goin' down down down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine oops about to slip down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine goin' down down down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine oops about to slip down ♪
♪ Five o'clock in the mornin' ♪
♪ I'm already up and gone ♪
♪ Lord I'm so tired ♪
♪ How long can this go on? ♪
♪ Daddy workin' in the coal mine goin' down down down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine oops about to slip down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine goin' down down down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine oops about to slip down ♪
♪ 'Course I make a little money ♪
♪ Haulin' coal by the ton ♪
♪ But when Saturday rolls around ♪
♪ I'm too tired for havin' fun.. ♪♪
Hey, Carlton..
...do you realize that they're working
you harder than everybody else?
Oh, nonsense.
Everyone had to help re-tar the parking lot.
Yeah, but the rest of us got to wear shoes.
Well, it'll all be worth it when I hear them
call me "Brother."
Ah..
I gotta tell you, Top Dog, I don't like what you're doing
with Brother Banks.
I didn't ask you.
(woman on TV) 'Laslow, how could you?'
(man on TV) 'Mary, I couldn't help myself.'
Well, Ashley, the museum closed?
I had no idea how much Mary was suffering.
Damn that Laslow.
Ashley, he doesn't know how much his actions
are hurting the people who love him.
That's because he's selfish and self-centered.
I see your mother's been poisoning your minds.
'Vivian.'
Look, I've, uh, come to my senses.
The bike is gone.
- It is? - Yes, sweetheart.
I mean, motorcycles and black leather will never make me
feel as young as the love of a good woman.
With you by my side, I will never grow old.
I love you.
Oh, sir, the body shop called.
They said your motorcycle is completely totaled.
Thank you, Geoffrey.
Oh, and the insurance company
said you're covered for the damages to the ice cream truck
but have to pay for that box of Eskimo Pies you ate.
I said,thank you,Geoffrey.
My pleasure, sir. Would there be anything else?
My favorite soap is about to start.
What would that be? "One life to ruin?"
[chuckles]
Sir..
W-well, if I told you the truth
you would've said "I told you so."
Try me.
Okay, well...uh..
I-I accidentally left the bike in gear
and-and it ran into a Mr. Icy pop truck.
I knew that bike was dangerous.
See? T-that's an "I told you so."
- It is not. - Is too.
Philip, what do you want from me?
I don't know.
A kiss?
I broke my bike.
[upbeat music]
Ooh. Here I go.
Ladies, let the games begin.
Will, don't you think it's cruel for them
to have a party before they tell us whether we're in or not?
Well, of course, it's cruel, Carlton.
But look on the bright side
next year we get to do it to somebody else.
You really think we made it?
Hey, look, man, whether we did or not
you hung in there, and I'm proud of you.
You're proud of me? You've never said that to me
before in my life.
Give me a hug.
You see, man? That is exactly why
I never tell you nothing.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Mmm.
Girl, if God made anything prettier than you
I hope he kept it for himself.
Okay.
Yo, Dog, did you see baby? Yo, she was fine.
Yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg, my brother.
Well, then mush, you huskies.
[laughs]
Hey, Top Dog, do you think the DJ
has any Rod Stewart or Neil Diamond?
Gee, Carlton, I don't know.
The last time we played them
the party just kind of got out of hand.
I know what you mean, you should see what happens
at their concerts.
Yo, homey, I'm not supposed to say anything
but you have nothing to worry about.
You're in.
Your word? Me and Carlton got in?
Well, not exactly.
I mean, you're cool and all, but Carlton
well, he's not exactly our type.
[snapping fingers]
Say, wh-what do you mean "Not our type?"
Well, Carlton is not like you and me.
You know what I'm saying?
No, I don't know what you're saying.
Will, Carlton doesn't exactly exemplify
whatIthink a Phi Beta Gamma is.
Oh, and-and what is that?
Well, it's not Ralph Lauren shirts
and wing tipped shoes and corporate America.
We don't need a brother like him in this fraternity.
Man, he isexactlywhat you need in this fraternity.
I mean, Carlton has been a straight-A student
since pre-school.
He gives you 150% every time.
Look, Will, I realize he's your cousin
and you have to defend him
but this discussion is closed.
Alright.
Carl..
Carlton, Carlton, Carlton..
Come on, man. Let's go. I didn't get in.
What? Why?
Look, I don't know, man. Come on. Just let's go.
How dare you not take Will?
He's full of potential.
That's why we want him.
It'syouwe don't want.
Me?
But I did everything.
I-I cooked, I cleaned, I hand washed your toilets.
Everything your butler does for you.
I'm not accepting no prep school
Bel-Air-bred sellout intomyfraternity.
- Homey, you can stop all that. - No, wait, Will.
I got this one.
You think I'm a sellout. Why?
Because I live in a big house or I dress a certain way?
Or maybe it's because I like Barry Manilow?
Yo, he-he meant Barry White, y'all.
Being black isn't what I'm trying to be. It's what I am.
I'm running the same race and jumping the same hurdles you are
so why are you tripping me up?
You said we need to stick together
but you don't even know what that means.
You ask me, you're the real sellout.
Yeah, that's right, boy.
And in the words of my illustrious cousin
"We will make like a tree and leave."
Hey, look, you don't speak for the rest of us, Dog.
I'm going to have you kicked out of here.
"Make like a tree and leave?"
I never say that.
It's make like a banana and split.
I'll keep that in mind, alright?
[instrumental music]
(woman on TV) 'Laslow, how could you?'
(man on TV) 'Oh, get over it, Mary, I'm leaving you..'
'...for your brother.'
[instrumental music on TV]
Oh, you-you've got to tape this for me tomorrow.
Damn that Laslow.
Hey, we looking at the newest Phi Beta Gammas?
No. Apparently, I'm not enough of a brother to be a brother.
- What? - Yeah.
The pledge leader said he didn't like sellouts.
Well, who does? I mean, you wait and wait and wait
when you finally get to the front of the line
everything's gone?
You know, this..
This really irritates me.
I have worked very hard to give my family a good life
and suddenly somebody tells me
there's a penalty for success?
I'm sorry you had to go through this, son.
When are we going to stop doing this to each other?
[instrumental music]
Well, I wouldn't have to go down to juvenile hall, would I?
I mean, I hear those kids really are..
You know, bad and messed up and-and..
And I'mma go, yeah. Wow.
J-kamma.. The Jamma Gammas are, uh..
- The who? The-the.. - The Jamma Gammas.
- The ba.. The bad mamma jammas. - The bad mamma jammas, yeah.
You know, I hope Mary dumps that s-s.. See?
[laughing]
(Will) The-the.. The ba.. The bad mamma jammas.
- The bad mamma jammas. Okay. - Yeah, yeah.