1 00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:03,040 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,070 Wait till y'all see this thing, t-this is huge. 3 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:09,160 If you Xeroxed your butt again, I'm not interested. 4 00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:14,179 Uncle Phil, wait till you see this bill. 5 00:00:14,199 --> 00:00:18,129 Lisa spent $1200 on a bed. 6 00:00:18,149 --> 00:00:20,289 I hope that thing comes with a canopy 'cause at that price 7 00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:22,190 that's the only roof we're gonna have over our heads. 8 00:00:22,210 --> 00:00:24,160 Yeah, well, get used to it, Will. 9 00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:26,250 You're about to marry and you know how women are. 10 00:00:27,289 --> 00:00:31,019 No, Philip, how are we? 11 00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:32,170 Fine. And you? 12 00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:36,090 Uncle Phil, I'm telling you it's not like Lisa 13 00:00:36,109 --> 00:00:37,240 to spend this kind of money. 14 00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:39,140 I-I-I'm telling you, she's possessed. 15 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:42,030 It's like some evil force has taken over her mind. 16 00:00:42,049 --> 00:00:43,210 Something not of this Earth. 17 00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:44,250 [door opens] 18 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:47,000 Hi, everyone. Is Lisa here yet? 19 00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,090 We're going shopping again today. 20 00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:52,130 [psychedelic music] 21 00:00:55,119 --> 00:00:56,200 Ah! 22 00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,200 [theme song] 23 00:01:00,219 --> 00:01:03,049 ♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪ 24 00:01:03,070 --> 00:01:05,109 ♪ My life got flipped-turned upside down ♪ 25 00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:07,219 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 26 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:09,069 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 27 00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:10,280 ♪ Of a town called Bel Air ♪ 28 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,019 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 29 00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,219 ♪ On the playground was where I spent most of my days ♪ 30 00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:26,250 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 31 00:01:26,269 --> 00:01:29,099 ♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪ 32 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,210 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 33 00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:33,250 ♪ Started making trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 34 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:36,109 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪ 35 00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,159 ♪ And said you're movin' with your auntie ♪ 36 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,289 ♪ And uncle in Bel Air ♪ 37 00:01:39,009 --> 00:01:41,020 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 38 00:01:41,039 --> 00:01:43,229 ♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 39 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:46,020 ♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪ 40 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,060 ♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪ 41 00:01:47,079 --> 00:01:49,229 ♪ Yo homes to Bel Air ♪ 42 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:53,020 ♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪ 43 00:01:53,039 --> 00:01:54,099 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪ 44 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,219 ♪ Yo homes smell ya later ♪ 45 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,009 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 46 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,250 ♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air ♪♪ 47 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,280 [instrumental music] 48 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,030 [door opens] 49 00:02:22,170 --> 00:02:23,180 Excuse me. 50 00:02:23,199 --> 00:02:25,039 Hey, what's up, bro? How you doing? 51 00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:27,060 I'm looking for my cousin, she works over in the next set. 52 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,210 Oh, she's the host of the Hilary Banks Show. 53 00:02:29,229 --> 00:02:31,030 What's her name? 54 00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:36,060 Ah...Cleopatra Jones. 55 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:40,240 Cleopatra Jones. 56 00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:42,069 Brother, look, no.. 57 00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:43,240 Look, she's tall, light-skinned sister. 58 00:02:43,259 --> 00:02:45,090 She drives a red Maserati. 59 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:48,079 Oh, dag, that's your cousin? 60 00:02:48,099 --> 00:02:49,139 She's fine. 61 00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:51,020 She's right over there. 62 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,030 Thank you. 63 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:57,120 Hey, tell Cleopatra, Reggie said, "What's up?" 64 00:03:00,189 --> 00:03:02,270 (man on PA) 'Cameras and audio, stand by, please.' 65 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,050 Hey, Hil, what's up? Check out. 66 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,199 Look, I'm in a little bit of a bind here. 67 00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,099 Now, I found Lisa's engagement ring 68 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,289 but I don't get paid until Thursday. 69 00:03:18,009 --> 00:03:19,289 I was wondering, you know, could you lend me a couple of hundred 70 00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,150 you know, just for the deposit? 71 00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:23,000 (Hilary) 'I think I'm gonna faint.' 72 00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:24,090 [Hilary giggles] 73 00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:25,210 Alright, cool, but while you're down 74 00:03:25,229 --> 00:03:27,000 can I get some dough out your wallet? 75 00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:30,099 Hi. 76 00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:33,099 Hilary Banks, right? 77 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,000 [Hilary giggles] 78 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:39,280 [Will chuckles] I'm pretty sure he's talking to you. 79 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,240 I-I see you around here a lot. 80 00:03:41,259 --> 00:03:46,030 - You like our show? - I can't take my eyes off it. 81 00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:50,079 - Can I touch it? - Places, everybody. 82 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,129 (Jerry) Okay, people, work like you're being paid. 83 00:03:52,150 --> 00:03:55,270 Come on, one more scene and we're home. 84 00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:58,129 What a fabulous butt. 85 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,020 Well, you know, it gets me around. 86 00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:07,189 Set, please. 87 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:13,090 And we're counting in five, four, three, two.. 88 00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:16,040 The police think I killed Carlos. 89 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,160 But on the night he was killed 90 00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:20,060 you were here with me painting my portrait. 91 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,290 You can give me an alibi. 92 00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:27,060 - I'll go to the police now. - Alright, but be careful. 93 00:04:27,079 --> 00:04:29,029 The roads are so icy. 94 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:30,250 Don't worry, I'll be fine. 95 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,279 Royce.. 96 00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:36,290 I owe you my life. 97 00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:41,189 (Ina) 'We're clear!' 98 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:44,019 Get rid of that kid, Jerry. 99 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,120 I think he's a pretty good actor. 100 00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:48,050 Well, who cares? 101 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:52,269 I'm the star, and I say replace him. 102 00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,259 Hey, you can't treat an actor like that. 103 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:57,199 What do you think he is, a writer? 104 00:04:57,220 --> 00:05:00,129 Okay, please. Um.. 105 00:05:00,149 --> 00:05:03,189 Hil, I-I gotta be honest, I, I kind of agree with her. 106 00:05:03,209 --> 00:05:05,120 I mean, come on, man, the dude's a brother. 107 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,269 And he ain't supposed to be like 108 00:05:06,290 --> 00:05:10,120 "I'm looking for a Julius Caesar salad." 109 00:05:10,139 --> 00:05:11,230 I mean, come on, man, you know 110 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,180 he got to be down here, you know. 111 00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:15,220 Hey, look, baby, you need the cops 112 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,110 we don't need to go down the station. 113 00:05:17,129 --> 00:05:20,060 All I got to do is walk out your front door carrying your TV 114 00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:22,069 you know, okay, man. 115 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,230 Who in the hell is this? 116 00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:27,230 Our new Royce. 117 00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:30,230 Hire him, Jerry. 118 00:05:31,149 --> 00:05:32,189 Now. 119 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,050 Huh? 120 00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:43,090 Yo, you're not gonna believe what happened to me today. 121 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:46,199 - I got some great news. - Ah! You're moving out? 122 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:49,050 - Even better. - I'm moving out? 123 00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,220 I can't wait to hear your great news, honey. 124 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,110 - Oh, listen-- - But I'm gonna have to. 125 00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:58,129 Troy and I are working late on our book tonight. 126 00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,180 - Troy? - Mm-hm. 127 00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,290 Professor T. Johnson is a Troy? 128 00:06:02,009 --> 00:06:03,129 What did you think the T stood for? 129 00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:05,120 Well, I was hoping Thelma. 130 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,000 Bye-bye, everybody. 131 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,199 - Bye, mom. - Love you, mom. 132 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:11,290 Can we get back tomoi,please? 133 00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:15,040 I got a part on that soap opera, "Now and Forever." 134 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,199 Oh, please. They hired you 135 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,250 somebody who's never acted a day in his life 136 00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:21,149 to star in a network TV show. 137 00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:22,199 Pfft. 138 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,079 Well, it happens. 139 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,029 Uncle Phil, I'm telling you, man, my money troubles are over. 140 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,060 Look, I-I need you to check out my contract. 141 00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:34,259 Man, I ain't seen so many zeros 142 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,279 since Carlton's square dance recital. 143 00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:41,199 Hardy har, hello. 144 00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:43,069 What a sense of humor. 145 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,149 And you don't think this guy has talent. 146 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,259 You know, you're going to the top, Will. 147 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,110 But you're overlooking one small thing. 148 00:06:50,129 --> 00:06:52,100 What? You mean beside that little chocolate Tic Tac 149 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,220 you call your head? 150 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,259 Ha, ha! Killing me. 151 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,009 He's killing me. Ha, ha. 152 00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:03,089 But, seriously, Will, you know, you're going to need management. 153 00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:05,009 Someone to look out for you. Someone to.. 154 00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:08,269 - Take ten percent? - Why, I'd love to. 155 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:10,189 Will, aren't you nervous about acting? 156 00:07:10,209 --> 00:07:13,060 - I mean, that show's done live. - Ah, pfft. Nervous? 157 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:15,009 Come on, Ashley. What are you talking about? I'm a natural. 158 00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:17,230 I can do this part in my sleep. 159 00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:20,269 [soft music playing on TV] 160 00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:32,129 Do I play a convincing coma victim or what? 161 00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:36,279 Well, you're no Sunny Von Bulow. 162 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,120 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 163 00:07:38,139 --> 00:07:40,269 Look, laugh if you want to 164 00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,110 but tomorrow, I'm coming out of my coma. 165 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,259 You mean, you're actually gonna speak? 166 00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:46,170 That's right, I called all my boys in Philly. 167 00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:49,009 They're gonna watch it on a big-screen TV. 168 00:07:49,029 --> 00:07:50,269 I mean, I just hope that Sears lets them stay 169 00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:52,139 for the whole show. 170 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,240 Baby, do you still want me to help you learn your lines? 171 00:07:56,259 --> 00:07:59,180 Oh, yeah, and I'll help you into the kitchen. 172 00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:03,009 Oh, you know, ever since I bought her this big old ring.. 173 00:08:03,029 --> 00:08:05,019 [Will grunting] 174 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,029 She have a hard time walking without falling over. 175 00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,180 You know what I'm saying? Come on, baby. 176 00:08:08,199 --> 00:08:09,259 [Will mumbling indistinctly] 177 00:08:11,029 --> 00:08:12,129 - Oh, hi, daddy. - Hi, baby. 178 00:08:12,149 --> 00:08:14,019 You wanna see Will's show? We have it on tape. 179 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,279 Oh, no, thank you. Soap operas don't interest me. 180 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,290 Oh, this one's hot, daddy. 181 00:08:18,009 --> 00:08:20,019 See, Joan was having an affair with Carlos 182 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,279 right behind her husband's back. 183 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,120 Oh, not that they were in the same room or anything. 184 00:08:26,209 --> 00:08:28,050 But Joan lied, and told her husband 185 00:08:28,069 --> 00:08:29,269 she'd been working late at the office 186 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,189 writing her memoirs. 187 00:08:31,209 --> 00:08:34,129 That reminds me, sir, Mrs. Banks called to say 188 00:08:34,149 --> 00:08:37,000 she'll be working late again with Professor Johnson 189 00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:40,100 at her office writing her book. 190 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:49,149 "Jody, I can't believe my eyes. 191 00:08:49,169 --> 00:08:51,090 Please, come closer." 192 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:54,129 "Oh, Royce, I'll never leave you again. 193 00:08:54,149 --> 00:08:55,279 Tell me you love me." 194 00:08:58,049 --> 00:08:59,169 "I love you." 195 00:09:01,269 --> 00:09:03,149 Hey! 196 00:09:03,169 --> 00:09:05,169 Girl, what you doing? That wasn't in my script. 197 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:07,200 Yeah, well, that kiss wasn't in mine. 198 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:11,000 Oh, well, come on, baby. That was a ad-lib. 199 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:13,149 All of us good actors do it. 200 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,240 That's.. That ain't personal. 201 00:09:14,259 --> 00:09:17,049 I-I might as well be kissing Flavor Flav 202 00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,039 gold teeth and all. 203 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,190 Will, the only person I want you kissing on is me. 204 00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:27,000 Whoa, Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, now, come on, baby. Now, be fair. 205 00:09:27,019 --> 00:09:29,039 The only reason I even took this job 206 00:09:29,059 --> 00:09:30,200 was to put that ring on your finger 207 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,090 and to make you happy. 208 00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:34,240 So if I have to crawl into bed with ten beautiful woman 209 00:09:34,259 --> 00:09:36,259 that's just a sacrifice I'm gonna have to make. 210 00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:40,059 [music continues] 211 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,059 (Ina) 'Alright, people, places.' 212 00:09:45,049 --> 00:09:48,009 Coming back from commercial in ten seconds. 213 00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:51,059 Excuse me, but I can't flush the commode. 214 00:09:52,129 --> 00:09:54,139 C, it's a prop. 215 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,120 Nice seeing you again, Joan. 216 00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:05,029 (Jerry) I need show energy, people. 217 00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:08,279 Okay, stand by, Ina, and counting. 218 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,059 (Ina on speakers) 'Coming in five, four, three, two..' 219 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,259 Oh, Royce, thank God you're conscious. 220 00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:19,230 Now you can confirm my alibi. 221 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:22,029 But first, there's someone here 222 00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:25,029 who can't wait another moment to see you. 223 00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:27,019 Not.. 224 00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:28,279 - Not.. - That's right. 225 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,029 Jody. 226 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,029 Hello, sleepyhead. 227 00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:46,039 I'll leave you two alone. 228 00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:48,039 You have a lot of catching up to do. 229 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,039 No, wait. 230 00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:58,289 Jody.. 231 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:01,100 I can't believe my eyes. 232 00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:08,039 Please, come closer. 233 00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:12,070 Royce.. 234 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,200 Royce, tell me you love me. 235 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,070 I, I love you. 236 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,190 Royce, I don't blame you for being angry with me, I don't. 237 00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:31,250 But I promise, I'll never leave you alone again. 238 00:11:31,269 --> 00:11:33,100 [squeaking] 239 00:11:37,059 --> 00:11:40,100 I-I-I can't tell you how that makes me feel. 240 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:45,230 [mellow music] 241 00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:52,039 (Philip) Okay, sweetheart, bye-bye. 242 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,210 I don't believe it. 243 00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,250 Vivian's working late with the professor again tonight. 244 00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:57,139 Geoffrey, do you realize she has missed dinner 245 00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:58,289 every night this week? 246 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,110 And yet, inexplicably, we've had no leftovers. 247 00:12:07,009 --> 00:12:08,230 Geoffrey, can I ask you a question? 248 00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:12,139 If you were a woman.. 249 00:12:12,159 --> 00:12:14,070 ...would you find me attractive? 250 00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:17,039 Nope. 251 00:12:22,179 --> 00:12:26,110 Well, now-now, I know this is gonna sound absurd 252 00:12:26,129 --> 00:12:29,120 but I think that Vivian and the professor are having a 253 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,250 uh-uh-uh.. 254 00:12:31,269 --> 00:12:34,159 Oh, sir, surely not. 255 00:12:34,179 --> 00:12:37,049 The two of them have absolutely nothing in common. 256 00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:39,149 Why, he's 15 years her junior. 257 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,259 Whatever would they do together? 258 00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,200 Hey, baby, you know, I-I've been thinking. 259 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,029 You know what? I-I'm just gonna quit. 260 00:12:49,049 --> 00:12:52,029 I-I know how uncomfortable the love scenes make you. 261 00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:54,110 They don't make me uncomfortable. 262 00:12:54,129 --> 00:12:55,110 Oh, sure they do. 263 00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:56,169 [mumbling] 264 00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,259 You did.. 265 00:12:57,279 --> 00:13:00,100 Will, that was before you explained it to me. 266 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,070 I believe you said, and I quote 267 00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:04,120 "I might as well be kissing Flavor Flav." 268 00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:07,250 But, of course, that was when Flavor Flav was a woman. 269 00:13:07,269 --> 00:13:09,080 Hey, hey, hey, look here, man. 270 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,049 That ain't got nothing to do with it. 271 00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:12,269 And besides, ain't you got something to do? 272 00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:17,009 No, sadly, this is the high point of my day. 273 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:20,080 That and coming up with names for my Chia Pet. 274 00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:23,279 What do you think of Larry? 275 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,149 La-la-la Larry. 276 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,159 La-la-la Larry. 277 00:13:28,049 --> 00:13:29,190 [Lisa laughs] 278 00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:31,070 Look, babe, babe, the-the truth is 279 00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:33,120 I'm-I'm just not that good an actor. 280 00:13:33,139 --> 00:13:34,179 Well, you seem like you're doing 281 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,240 a pretty good job to me right now. 282 00:13:38,029 --> 00:13:39,029 Oh, baby, I'm sorry. 283 00:13:39,049 --> 00:13:42,000 Don't worry, you're gonna do just fine. 284 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,009 You know what? 285 00:13:45,029 --> 00:13:46,279 You're right, I am. 286 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,029 Thanks a lot, babe, I-I-I feel a whole lot better. 287 00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:51,080 I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna knock 'em dead. 288 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,120 [both chuckle] 289 00:13:52,139 --> 00:13:54,049 - Bye. - I'll see you later. 290 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,059 Carlton, please get me off the show. 291 00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:00,080 Are you insane? 292 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:02,210 I-i-if you quit, you don't get paid. 293 00:14:02,230 --> 00:14:05,049 But what's most important is, I don't get paid. 294 00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,169 Look, the only way you can leave 295 00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:09,240 and still get the money is if they fire you. 296 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:14,230 Carlton, sometimes, man 297 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:17,080 I just wanna hug you. 298 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,039 Oh.. 299 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,100 But this ain't one of them times. 300 00:14:24,009 --> 00:14:28,039 (man on TV) '"Now And Forever" will be right back after these messages.' 301 00:14:28,059 --> 00:14:30,090 Master William's scene is next. 302 00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,070 I must say, it is exciting 303 00:14:32,090 --> 00:14:34,090 watching him on the telly. 304 00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:36,090 I guess, but it's true what they say 305 00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:38,250 being on TV does add ten pounds. 306 00:14:38,269 --> 00:14:40,250 So does watching it. 307 00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,149 Will, isn't this rewrite great? 308 00:14:46,169 --> 00:14:49,250 - Oh, I haven't read it yet. - Will, are you crazy? 309 00:14:49,269 --> 00:14:52,279 Do you realize you're live on air in 60 seconds? 310 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,009 Oh, yep, yep. 311 00:14:55,029 --> 00:14:57,080 (Ina) 'Places, people.' 312 00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:00,250 (Jerry) 'Okay, people, one more scene and we're on the freeway.' 313 00:15:00,269 --> 00:15:03,190 Oh, my God. Ina, get that damn 314 00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,250 midget manager off my set. 315 00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:08,259 Doesn't he know those stairs go nowhere? 316 00:15:08,279 --> 00:15:09,259 Gt ready to count. 317 00:15:09,279 --> 00:15:13,240 In five, four, three, two.. 318 00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,210 To freedom. 319 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,110 I'll drink to that. 320 00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:23,269 Royce, if it wasn't for you 321 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,250 I'd be in prison right now. 322 00:15:26,269 --> 00:15:29,049 I should be the happiest woman alive. 323 00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:30,259 [whimpers] 324 00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:32,200 You still miss Carlos, don't you? 325 00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:34,090 More than I can say. 326 00:15:35,090 --> 00:15:36,059 Hm. 327 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,269 I know how you feel. 328 00:15:37,289 --> 00:15:39,169 I know you do. 329 00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:41,200 You love Jody so very much. 330 00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,269 Actually, uh.. 331 00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:45,250 We-we broke up. 332 00:15:49,139 --> 00:15:51,070 Nobody panic, nobody panic. 333 00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:53,080 She's a pro, she'll get the kid back. 334 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,220 Uh, don't you mean that you, uh.. 335 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,110 That you, uh.. 336 00:15:57,129 --> 00:16:00,059 That you thought about breaking up, but you decided against it 337 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,169 and-and now your love is stronger than ever? 338 00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:06,029 No, no, no. L-like I told you, we broke up. 339 00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:11,019 You wanna dance? 340 00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:12,289 - Come on. - Oh! 341 00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:16,029 Oh, don't be silly, darling. 342 00:16:16,049 --> 00:16:17,159 Any minute now my husband's gonna 343 00:16:17,179 --> 00:16:18,289 come right through that door. 344 00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:22,139 - Now can we panic? - Cue dough boy. 345 00:16:22,159 --> 00:16:23,240 I don't care if he's not ready 346 00:16:23,259 --> 00:16:26,169 get him in there now, now, now! 347 00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,220 I said, any minute now 348 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,210 my husband is going to walk through that door and say.. 349 00:16:38,179 --> 00:16:40,019 Where are we? 350 00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:42,190 Derek, darling, what a surprise. 351 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,169 What are you doing here so early? 352 00:16:46,009 --> 00:16:48,139 I...don't know. 353 00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:49,210 [clears throat] 354 00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:52,100 Sure you do. 355 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,269 You came here to give her something. 356 00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:57,149 Remember? 357 00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:03,250 Ah, yes. 358 00:17:05,089 --> 00:17:08,279 I'm sorry it had to end this way, my dear. 359 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,230 If only my little plot to frame you had worked. 360 00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:16,109 - You mean, you killed Carlos? - No, that was me. 361 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:21,049 That's right, I shot Carlos. 362 00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:23,099 And that's not all.. 363 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,029 I'm the one who shot J.R. too. 364 00:17:28,059 --> 00:17:30,130 And I shot the sheriff. 365 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,160 But I did not shoot the deputy. 366 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,150 Do you ever wanna work in this town again.. 367 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,279 ...painting portraits? 368 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,190 No. 369 00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:46,069 But you see, I'm young and I'm restless. 370 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:50,160 I only got one life to live 371 00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:53,269 so I got to follow my guiding light and search for tomorrow. 372 00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:56,150 Follow him, camera four. 373 00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,259 I don't care if he goes to the commissary. 374 00:17:58,279 --> 00:17:59,250 [clicks fingers] 375 00:17:59,269 --> 00:18:02,069 Hey, who knows if I'll wind up 376 00:18:02,089 --> 00:18:05,170 living out the days of my life 377 00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:07,099 in a mansion in Dallas 378 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,019 or on the comer of Melrose Place 379 00:18:09,039 --> 00:18:12,210 drinking Falcon Crest out of a brown paper bag. 380 00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:16,200 Royce, don't you care about anybody but yourself? 381 00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:19,170 Sure I do. 382 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:21,200 I care about you. 383 00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:23,250 It's not 'cause of those expensive clothes 384 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,039 or your fancy jewelry. 385 00:18:26,059 --> 00:18:29,089 That big Zsa Zsa wig you've been wearing. 386 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:33,019 I love you for who you are. 387 00:18:33,039 --> 00:18:34,289 Who you really are. 388 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,000 The bald and the beautiful! 389 00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:46,210 Isn't this great? I told daddy the soaps aren't predictable. 390 00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:48,200 Got that right. 391 00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:50,150 [Joan shrieking] 392 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:54,000 (male narrator) Tune in tomorrow for another episode of 393 00:18:54,019 --> 00:18:55,259 "Now and Forever." 394 00:18:55,279 --> 00:18:57,180 We're clear. 395 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,279 What the hell do you think you were doing? 396 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,109 I want him fired, Jerry. 397 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:04,230 - Fired! - Oh, well, now. 398 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,069 Wait a minute, hey, hey, if I get fired 399 00:19:06,089 --> 00:19:07,230 y'all still got to give me mine. 400 00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,009 - Ai-ain't that right, C? - That's right. 401 00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:13,119 I demand you give my client what's coming to him. 402 00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:16,069 Oh, I'd be glad to. 403 00:19:17,109 --> 00:19:18,220 [thump] 404 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,250 [instrumental music] 405 00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:27,009 Sir, this is a letter to Mrs. Banks from him. 406 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,119 Oh, just go for it, sir. I'll swear it came that way. 407 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,180 - "Dear Vivian.." - Good lord! 408 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,220 Oh, I can't believe it either. He called her "Dear." 409 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,289 Philip, are you reading my mail? 410 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:48,089 - Hm? - It didn't come this way! 411 00:19:48,109 --> 00:19:49,119 Ooh! 412 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,230 So now you know. 413 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:56,180 Philip, I didn't want you to find out this way. 414 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,019 What were you gonna do? Throw me a surprise party? 415 00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:03,180 No, but I wanted to be with you when you read it. 416 00:20:06,009 --> 00:20:07,289 [breathing heavily] 417 00:20:08,009 --> 00:20:11,000 "To the most important person in my life 418 00:20:11,019 --> 00:20:13,210 "my beloved husband, Philip.. 419 00:20:15,059 --> 00:20:18,150 "...whose support and patience have made this book possible. 420 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:20,109 I love you always, Vivian." 421 00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:24,230 You dedicated your book to me. 422 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,000 Of course, sweetheart. 423 00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:28,250 Who else was I going to dedicate it to? 424 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:31,000 Professor Johnson? 425 00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:34,200 That noodle-neck kid stomps on my last nerve. 426 00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:38,269 - I love you. - Aw. 427 00:20:42,039 --> 00:20:44,170 Hey, hey, Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv. 428 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:48,269 Get a room. 429 00:20:50,289 --> 00:20:54,059 Interesting performance, Master William. 430 00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:56,250 I haven't seen such a disaster on the telly 431 00:20:56,269 --> 00:20:59,130 since they cancelled "Manimal." 432 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,019 Well, I got paid, didn't I? 433 00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:03,109 I'm gonna just sob all the way to the bank. 434 00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,009 You know what I'm saying? 435 00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:06,259 [feigns crying] 436 00:21:06,279 --> 00:21:08,250 Give me my money. 437 00:21:08,269 --> 00:21:11,019 Oh, Will, it's too bad you won't get a chance 438 00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:12,250 to work with Halle Barry. 439 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:18,119 Ple-please tell me you meant Chuck Berry. 440 00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:21,049 Well, it's all here in Soap Opera News. 441 00:21:21,069 --> 00:21:25,180 Apparently you or whatever lucky devil will be playing Royce 442 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,180 comes out of the coma a changed man. 443 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,049 According to this 444 00:21:30,069 --> 00:21:34,039 Royce is moving in with Miss Berry next week. 445 00:21:35,279 --> 00:21:38,160 - Didn't you get your script? - Ah! 446 00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:40,230 I knew there was something I forgot. 447 00:21:46,190 --> 00:21:49,140 Head start, coming in five 448 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,059 four, three, two.. 449 00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:53,259 [screams] 450 00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:57,000 [instrumental music] 451 00:21:59,099 --> 00:22:01,230 [theme music]