1 00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:03,049 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:08,199 --> 00:00:11,130 Will, I don't think I've ever seen you bite your nails. 3 00:00:11,150 --> 00:00:14,039 Are you worried about something? 4 00:00:14,060 --> 00:00:17,269 I was not biting my nails, Ashley. 5 00:00:17,289 --> 00:00:20,070 [spitting] 6 00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:22,289 Well, Will, when I'm nervous, I put a bag over my head 7 00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:24,210 and breathe very deeply. 8 00:00:26,019 --> 00:00:27,239 - Does that help? - Absolutely. 9 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,100 By the time I regain consciousness 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,130 I've forgotten everything I was worried about. 11 00:00:33,149 --> 00:00:36,039 Come on, Will, I know something's bothering you. 12 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,179 Oh, okay, I'll admit it. 13 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,250 You know, I am getting married in two months 14 00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:41,009 and, you know, that does give a brother 15 00:00:41,030 --> 00:00:42,289 a lot to think about, you know. 16 00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:45,140 That doesn't mean I'm worried about my future 17 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:47,130 you know, because I'm not. 18 00:00:50,219 --> 00:00:52,100 That's how I eat them. 19 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,159 Oh, Will, there's nothing to worry about. 20 00:00:56,179 --> 00:00:58,200 So what, you and Lisa have no place to live. 21 00:00:58,219 --> 00:00:59,289 And no money in the bank. 22 00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:02,250 And a crummy dead-end job. Heh. 23 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:05,120 Oh, wait. That would be me. 24 00:01:06,269 --> 00:01:10,090 Well, thank you guys very much. I feel better now. 25 00:01:10,109 --> 00:01:12,010 Don't worry, Will, you and Lisa will be okay. 26 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,010 That's right. I believe, you'll always be able to 27 00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,049 make a living. 28 00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:17,159 You do own a squeegee, don't you? 29 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:21,039 No, wait a minute. Me and Lisa are gonna be just fine, okay? 30 00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:23,010 I'm gonna make something of myself. 31 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,260 I got a whole lot of great ideas to make me some money. 32 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,189 - So, what's the problem? - I ain't got no money. 33 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,170 It takes money to make money, Ashley. 34 00:01:32,189 --> 00:01:34,270 What I need is somebody to just walk in and say.. 35 00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:38,109 You know what? I just made a bundle on the stock market. 36 00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:40,250 Now I just need something to invest it in. 37 00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:46,000 ♪ Hallelujah hallelujah ♪♪ 38 00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,020 [theme song] 39 00:01:48,039 --> 00:01:49,090 ♪ Now this is a story ♪ 40 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,109 ♪ All about how my life got flipped ♪ 41 00:01:51,129 --> 00:01:52,270 ♪ Turned upside-down ♪ 42 00:01:52,289 --> 00:01:54,280 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 43 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,099 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 44 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,020 ♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 45 00:02:06,269 --> 00:02:09,110 ♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪ 46 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,280 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 47 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,020 ♪ Chillin' out, maxin' relaxing all cool ♪ 48 00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:16,170 ♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪ 49 00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:19,030 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 50 00:02:19,050 --> 00:02:21,039 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 51 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,180 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪ 52 00:02:23,199 --> 00:02:24,219 ♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪ 53 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,079 ♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 54 00:02:26,099 --> 00:02:28,079 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 55 00:02:28,099 --> 00:02:31,009 ♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 56 00:02:31,030 --> 00:02:33,079 ♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪ 57 00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:34,120 ♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪ 58 00:02:34,139 --> 00:02:37,009 ♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 59 00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:40,079 ♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪ 60 00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:41,139 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪ 61 00:02:41,159 --> 00:02:42,280 ♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪ 62 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,280 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 63 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,210 ♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪ 64 00:03:01,069 --> 00:03:02,159 Hey, hey. 65 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:04,189 Hey, Hil, you always get money from Uncle Phil. 66 00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:05,250 How do you do it? 67 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:08,080 Well, first I tell him that I love him. 68 00:03:08,099 --> 00:03:10,020 Then I hug him so tight his wallet falls out 69 00:03:10,039 --> 00:03:12,069 and I kick it under the couch. 70 00:03:13,199 --> 00:03:17,289 So you hug him just to get money? That is low. 71 00:03:18,009 --> 00:03:20,259 - Well.. - Give me a hug, you big bear. 72 00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:28,189 Will, if this is about another 73 00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:31,099 one of your investment ideas, forget it. 74 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,189 I don't know, they're just a little too.. 75 00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,050 What is the word I'm looking for? 76 00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:37,110 - Stupid? Ha-ha. - Bingo. 77 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,210 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 78 00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:40,189 Will, dad doesn't need financial advice from you. 79 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,159 Why do you think he has me? 80 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,039 I don't know, what? The drug store was closed that weekend? 81 00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:46,170 [chuckles] 82 00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:51,110 Daddy, why don't you just hear Will out? 83 00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:53,060 He might say something you like. 84 00:03:53,079 --> 00:03:55,110 Well, I guess you're right. 85 00:03:55,129 --> 00:03:58,099 My father always said there's no such thing as a bad idea. 86 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,210 Yes. But your father never heard 87 00:03:59,229 --> 00:04:03,060 about fried-chicken-flavored aspirin. 88 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,110 What did you call it again, Will? 89 00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:07,120 Rotisserie-gold-icillin. 90 00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:13,060 And let's not forget about his beepers that cough. 91 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,080 Oh, now, wait a minute. That one could've worked. 92 00:04:15,099 --> 00:04:17,209 Look, you just never thought it through enough, Uncle Phil. 93 00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:19,040 See, now check this out. 94 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,019 You're sitting in a movie theater, your beeper go off. 95 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,019 Instead of hearing beep, beep, beep, beep, you hear.. 96 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,240 [coughing] 97 00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:32,019 See? That's a lot less annoying, right? 98 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,250 Will, I am not interested 99 00:04:33,269 --> 00:04:36,209 in any of your hare-brained get-rich-quick schemes. 100 00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,180 Okay, okay. Uncle Phil, now listen. 101 00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:42,110 This new idea is not stupid. And I do not wanna get rich quick. 102 00:04:42,129 --> 00:04:46,250 I just wanna be a married man who's responsible and realistic. 103 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,290 And I need to do it in two weeks. 104 00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:50,029 Two weeks, Will? 105 00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:53,069 You know, two days would be even better. 106 00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:55,199 If you have an idea you want me to take seriously 107 00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:57,250 then you have to present it to me in a well-thought-out 108 00:04:57,269 --> 00:04:59,050 professional manner. 109 00:04:59,069 --> 00:05:02,220 You know, beat by beat. 110 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,110 [instrumental music] 111 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:05,220 Mm-mm-mm. 112 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,230 Little Lance Ito. Who'd have thought it? 113 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,240 [knock on door] 114 00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:15,290 [grunts] 115 00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:18,040 - Come in. - Hey, hey. Hey, look. 116 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:21,220 Hey, dude. I'm only gonna say this once. 117 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,180 Get off me. 118 00:05:25,139 --> 00:05:28,170 I'm only gonna say this twice. 119 00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:30,160 Your Honor, these gentlemen claim to know you. 120 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:31,279 You want me to throw 'em in the lockup? 121 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,180 - Oh, would you? - Hey, Uncle Phil. 122 00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,230 Oh, alright, alright, alright. Thank you, Kevin. 123 00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:39,230 - Get off me, Kevin. - 'What do you two want?' 124 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,029 'I'm a judge and I'm in the middle of making' 125 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,170 a very crucial decision here. 126 00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:43,269 Uh, go with the original, Uncle Phil. 127 00:05:43,290 --> 00:05:45,029 Extra crispy is overrated. 128 00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:47,180 - Get out. Out. - Alright, alright. 129 00:05:47,199 --> 00:05:48,290 Is it worth five minutes of your day 130 00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:51,019 to hear the investment opportunity of a lifetime? 131 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,050 - No. - I'll take it as a yes. 132 00:05:52,069 --> 00:05:53,069 Hit it, Jazz. 133 00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:55,240 [instrumental music] 134 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,170 Uncle Phil, man.. 135 00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:11,079 How would you like to live in an island paradise? 136 00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:14,230 You expect me to buy an island? 137 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,089 Oh, no, man. 138 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,160 I expect you to retire there. 139 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:20,129 Boom! 140 00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:28,100 Oh. 141 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,250 Look at this, man. 142 00:06:29,269 --> 00:06:34,029 The sun from your melon be blinding the little children. 143 00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:37,000 'Blee-bah-bah!' 144 00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:38,189 Get to the point! 145 00:06:38,209 --> 00:06:42,110 Okay, okay. Alright, okay. 146 00:06:42,129 --> 00:06:45,100 Uncle Phil, all we're saying is all this could be yours 147 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,149 if you invest in this. 148 00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:50,100 - 'An apartment building?' - 'No, no, no.' 149 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,060 This isn't just an apartment building, Uncle Phil. This is.. 150 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,120 Tu-tu-ru-ru.. 151 00:06:57,129 --> 00:06:59,250 - Chalet Towers. - Uh-huh. 152 00:06:59,269 --> 00:07:01,040 I don't think I'm interested. 153 00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:03,069 Well, Jazz lives here, Uncle Phil. 154 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,259 Oh, that's very different. 155 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,290 - I know I'm not interested. - Oh, come on. 156 00:07:08,009 --> 00:07:11,009 I don't want our cozy abode turned into a strip mall. 157 00:07:11,029 --> 00:07:12,199 I lived in a strip mall, Mr. Banks. 158 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,230 And I sure I don't need to tell you how hard it is 159 00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:17,050 to take a bath in the men's room sink. 160 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:18,120 - Bailiff! - 'Oh, okay.' 161 00:07:18,139 --> 00:07:20,029 Alright, look, Uncle Phil. 162 00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:22,000 If you will just look at the figures. 163 00:07:22,019 --> 00:07:23,160 Just please look. Look. I'm telling you. 164 00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:25,079 The current owner has to sell quick. 165 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,019 We can make a killing on this. 166 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,259 Is the floorshow over yet? 167 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:33,149 I get the feeling you're not taking me seriously, Uncle Phil. 168 00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:36,240 Oh, well, I'm sorry, Whoopi. 169 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:42,029 But I can assure you that Donald Trump 170 00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:44,009 does not negotiate business deals 171 00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:47,079 playing a ukulele and wearing a Bullwinkle hat. 172 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:51,079 Okay, okay. Point well taken, Uncle Phil. But facts are facts. 173 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:55,000 And if you just look at the figures, I'll leave. 174 00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:57,279 Okay, I'll look. 175 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,110 Okay, I'm looking. 176 00:08:00,129 --> 00:08:02,069 I'm looking. 177 00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:05,019 I looked, now leave. 178 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,290 [instrumental music] 179 00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:19,189 "Dear big guy, I got really excited 180 00:08:19,209 --> 00:08:20,279 "when this crossed my desk. 181 00:08:21,009 --> 00:08:23,040 Take a look-see. Carlton." 182 00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:24,160 Yeah. 183 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,149 Hey, I wasn't doing nothing. Hey. 184 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:33,259 Hello, Master William. 185 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:38,220 - Danish? - Only on my mother's side. 186 00:08:47,259 --> 00:08:49,090 - Hey, Uncle Phil. - Good morning, Will. 187 00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,090 Morning. Carlton left something. 188 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,279 He wants you-he wants you to read. He wants you to read it. 189 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,090 Looks like Carlton worked up a proposal of his own. 190 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:58,029 Oh, yeah. He be proposing stuff, you know. 191 00:08:58,049 --> 00:09:02,269 - Ah. Mmm. Mm-mm. - Mm-mm. 192 00:09:02,289 --> 00:09:04,230 This is impressive. 193 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:08,090 Yeah. Now this is how you put together a presentation. 194 00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,210 You see how he's organized all the facts and figures here? 195 00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:13,200 Yeah. Some of these figures look pretty good. 196 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:17,250 Mm. You just like that piechart in there, don't you? 197 00:09:17,269 --> 00:09:19,149 Yeah, well, you can joke if you want to 198 00:09:19,169 --> 00:09:22,049 but I wouldn't mind taking a big bite out of this pie. 199 00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:25,149 So, you mean, you like this presentation, Uncle Phil? 200 00:09:25,169 --> 00:09:29,070 - I certainly do. - Oh. Hey, I'm sorry, son. 201 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:32,019 It's just that, you know, well, this is where Carlton shines. 202 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,259 Oh, yeah. I mean, you know.. 203 00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:37,210 My presentation was nothing compared to this. 204 00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:39,080 Oh, get the.. 205 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,019 Oh, wait a minute. 206 00:09:43,039 --> 00:09:45,149 This is my presentation. 207 00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:49,220 - Look. What that say there? - "Presented by Will Smith." 208 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,159 Oh, that what it says? 209 00:09:52,179 --> 00:09:55,100 You know, it's amazing because just last night 210 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,000 you were saying how stupid this was. 211 00:09:57,019 --> 00:09:58,070 You know, it must have morphed. 212 00:09:58,090 --> 00:09:59,250 Yeah, well, you know. 213 00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:01,110 See, I really flipped through it 214 00:10:01,129 --> 00:10:02,269 rather quickly, you know, and-and-- 215 00:10:02,289 --> 00:10:04,220 You know, you backpedal any faster, Uncle Phil 216 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,090 you're gonna moonwalk right through that wall. 217 00:10:09,169 --> 00:10:12,220 So you want me to take a chance on you, huh? 218 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,279 No, I want you to give me a chance, Uncle Phil. 219 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,220 Listen, I'm really serious about this. 220 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,200 I'm not asking for a handout. 221 00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:21,250 You're gonna make a bundle on this deal too. 222 00:10:21,269 --> 00:10:25,159 Okay, son. I'll have my accountant check it out. 223 00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:28,029 Uh, whoa, hold it, hold it. Little problem, little problem. 224 00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:29,090 Got a little time problem here. 225 00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:31,029 Uncle Phil, this place is gonna go fast. 226 00:10:31,049 --> 00:10:33,220 Look, just give me the five percent, let me put it down. 227 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,179 I mean, you spend more than that on Milk Duds. 228 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,129 You know, in the course of a year. You know.. 229 00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:44,169 You know, Will, you backpedal pretty well yourself. 230 00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:46,009 I think you got yourself a deal. 231 00:10:46,029 --> 00:10:48,190 I'll call a real estate agent as soon as they open. 232 00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:50,070 Alright. Thanks a lot, Uncle Phil. 233 00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:51,120 You're welcome. 234 00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:52,220 - Alright. - Let go of my hand. 235 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,220 - Thank you. Okay. - Whoo! 236 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,220 [laughing] 237 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,230 [instrumental music] 238 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:00,259 Congratulations. 239 00:11:00,279 --> 00:11:03,019 We closed escrow at 5:00 this evening. 240 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:06,019 - Really, Uncle Phil? Alright. - We are gonna make a bundle. 241 00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:10,090 Excuse me, but someone's in trouble. 242 00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:14,000 That's more like it. Ha-ha. He's right over here, officer. 243 00:11:14,019 --> 00:11:15,289 - Philip Banks? - I'm Philip Banks. 244 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,230 It's been a pleasure serving you. 245 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:22,090 - Well, what is it, big guy? - Well.. 246 00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:24,139 Apparently, I'm the owner of housing 247 00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:27,049 that has substandard living conditions. 248 00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:30,009 I told you to get a big-screen TV. 249 00:11:31,059 --> 00:11:33,289 Not this house. Chalet Towers. 250 00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:35,289 The tenants have filed a civil suit against me. 251 00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:37,029 What does that mean? 252 00:11:37,049 --> 00:11:38,240 It means that I'm a slumlord 253 00:11:38,259 --> 00:11:40,090 thanks to Will. 254 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,100 [coughing] 255 00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:46,190 Excuse me, my beeper. 256 00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,159 [instrumental music] 257 00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:54,149 [instrumental music] 258 00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:57,149 [Phil coughs] 259 00:11:57,169 --> 00:11:58,250 Whoo. 260 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,200 Aw, man, I don't know what all these complaints is about. 261 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:06,009 This place ain't that bad. 262 00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:12,129 Find something nice to say about that. 263 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,149 I think I killed a rat. 264 00:12:14,169 --> 00:12:18,009 Well, that's enough, you two. We got a long day ahead of us. 265 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,250 Gotta meet with the tenants and get some repairmen up here. 266 00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:24,090 You know, dad, if it wasn't for Will you would never have had 267 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,149 to set foot in this hell-hole. 268 00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:27,039 Hey, don't worry about me, son. 269 00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:29,009 Remember, I wasn't born rich. 270 00:12:29,029 --> 00:12:30,259 I know how to rough it. 271 00:12:30,279 --> 00:12:34,039 Could someone grab the cappuccino maker? 272 00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:39,149 - Got it, G. - Thank you, Master William. 273 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:42,240 Well, Uncle Phil, the only way it could get rough now 274 00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:45,139 is if Geoffrey forgot your croissants. 275 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,100 Would you just set things up? 276 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,220 I'd like to get this mess cleaned up 277 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,029 before the word gets out. 278 00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:53,120 Too late, big guy. 279 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:56,019 The slumlord allegations made the morning paper. 280 00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:58,059 Good Lord, some unscrupulous person 281 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,139 must have tipped off the press for a tidy sum. 282 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,080 Oh, this is just great. Just great. 283 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,259 Oh, hey. Hey, man. 284 00:13:08,279 --> 00:13:12,169 Come on, Uncle Phil, let's look at the bright side here. Eh? 285 00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:16,000 Now our little penthouse 286 00:13:16,019 --> 00:13:17,179 got central air. 287 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,259 Whoosh. 288 00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:20,279 Ventilation. 289 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,129 Oh, yeah. That will have the tenants just flocking in. 290 00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,080 And so will this. 291 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:27,120 [crunching] 292 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:30,090 You allow pets. 293 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,169 Good Lord, who knows what kind of vermin are in here? 294 00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:35,220 How do? 295 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,190 I don't have time for you, Jazz. 296 00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:39,269 I have to meet with the head of the tenants association. 297 00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:42,090 Okay. But before I go, this'll make you laugh. 298 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,080 - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 299 00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:48,179 The head of the tenants association. That's me. 300 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,129 But wait a minute. 301 00:13:50,149 --> 00:13:53,029 Jazz, you mean you're the person that's suing my uncle? 302 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:54,279 Man, what were you thinking about? 303 00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:56,240 I'm just trying to protect your investment. 304 00:13:56,259 --> 00:13:59,129 After you guys put a couple of million dollars in this place 305 00:13:59,149 --> 00:14:02,139 it'll be worth thousands. 306 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,259 Can I see the list of complaints, please? 307 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,269 "Somebody keep making them damn Chevy Chase movies. 308 00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:20,289 Dude in apartment 3G keep calling me sugar drawers." 309 00:14:21,009 --> 00:14:24,029 Complaints about the building, Jazz. 310 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:27,019 I think they kick in right here, Uncle Phil. 311 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:30,149 "Sticky stuff on the stairs tastes bitter." 312 00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:34,029 Oh, my God, let me see this. 313 00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:37,029 I only have seven days to bring every violation up to code 314 00:14:37,049 --> 00:14:39,049 and look at all of these. 315 00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:41,190 Look, Uncle Phil, you want me to start calling repairmen? 316 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,149 No, Will, he wants you to call the idiot 317 00:14:43,169 --> 00:14:47,000 who keeps greenlighting all those Chevy Chase movies. 318 00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:48,200 Carlton, let's get a move on. 319 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,110 While Will's calling, we'll check everything out 320 00:14:50,129 --> 00:14:52,200 and we might as well start from the roof, work our way down. 321 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:55,059 - Right behind you, big guy. - Oh, I bet you are, Carlton. 322 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,149 Because you can't kiss his butt from here. 323 00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:00,240 Good one, Master William. 324 00:15:00,259 --> 00:15:02,220 [laughing] 325 00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:09,090 Oh, well, look at this. 326 00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:11,110 A cracked mirror, peeling paint. 327 00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:13,259 Come on, all this stuff is cosmetic. 328 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:16,269 I still think we got ourselves a sound investment here. 329 00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,110 (Carlton) 'Dad, come over here.' 330 00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:20,070 'What kind of idiot would patch the roof' 331 00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:21,159 'with newspaper?' 332 00:15:21,179 --> 00:15:23,149 [Phil screaming] 333 00:15:23,169 --> 00:15:24,279 [crashes] 334 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,029 [instrumental music] 335 00:15:34,009 --> 00:15:35,220 What took you so long? 336 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,070 And what's up with the carpenters? 337 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,169 Oh, didn't you hear? 338 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:41,100 Their new hits collection comes out next week. 339 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,200 Oh. Well, jeez Louise.. 340 00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:48,110 We better rush down and wait in line right now. 341 00:15:48,129 --> 00:15:50,129 You don't have to tell me twice. 342 00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:54,049 Hey, are you having fun with me? 343 00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:57,049 Very little. 344 00:15:57,070 --> 00:15:58,279 Half of our workers didn't show up 345 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,269 and we are not exactly professionals. 346 00:16:00,289 --> 00:16:02,070 We got a ton of work to do 347 00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:04,220 and we got less than four days to do it in. 348 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,120 What's this "We" business? 349 00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:09,240 I'm here for one reason only. To protect dad's investment. 350 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,029 Oh, yeah, and if your dad gets sued for everything he got 351 00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,210 who's gonna protect you? 352 00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:17,070 - Let me at it. - Alright. Hey, look, look. 353 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:20,110 Just hold the flashlight into the fuse box so I can see. 354 00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:22,110 Please? Thank you. 355 00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:30,120 Hey, look at this. 356 00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:32,269 - What? What do you see? - Bunny rabbit. 357 00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:37,029 Look. An American eagle with one wing. 358 00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:40,230 Stop it, Carlton. 359 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:44,039 Now, put it back in the fuse box, please. This is dangerous. 360 00:16:44,059 --> 00:16:46,039 Not if you know how to read. 361 00:16:46,059 --> 00:16:48,210 Look, it says touch here. 362 00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:51,190 - Cool. - But wait. There's more. 363 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:54,159 "A town risk." 364 00:16:56,210 --> 00:17:00,250 What the heck does that mean? "A town risk." 365 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,190 [screaming] 366 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:09,240 Oh, at own risk. Sorry. 367 00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:11,289 [electricity crackling] 368 00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:18,099 [instrumental music] 369 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,089 ♪ One can have a dream baby ♪ 370 00:17:21,109 --> 00:17:25,210 ♪ Two can make a dream so real ♪ 371 00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:28,099 ♪ One can wish upon a star ♪ 372 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,009 ♪ Two can make that wish come true yeah ♪ 373 00:17:32,029 --> 00:17:34,230 ♪ One can stand alone in the dark ♪ 374 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:37,150 ♪ Two can make the light shine through ♪ 375 00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:40,180 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 376 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,250 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 377 00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:47,089 ♪ Me and you ♪ 378 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:50,079 ♪ Just takes two ♪ 379 00:17:50,099 --> 00:17:53,109 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 380 00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:56,029 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 381 00:17:56,049 --> 00:17:59,200 ♪ Make a dream come true ♪ 382 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:01,230 ♪ Just takes two ♪ 383 00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:09,160 ♪ One can have a broken heart living in misery ♪ 384 00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:15,150 ♪ Two can really ease the pain like the perfect remedy ♪ 385 00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:18,220 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 386 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,250 ♪ It takes two baby ♪ 387 00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,190 ♪ Me and you.. ♪ 388 00:18:25,289 --> 00:18:27,180 [grunts] 389 00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:34,160 So how are you two doing? 390 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,170 Not bad, all things considered. 391 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:39,279 In fact, this week was kind of invigorating. 392 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,049 Which reminds me, I think I'm gonna go freshen up. 393 00:18:43,069 --> 00:18:45,079 I think I saw a hydrant on the corner 394 00:18:45,099 --> 00:18:46,220 and now I know how to use a wrench. 395 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,039 [Phil laughing] 396 00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:51,119 What the heck is he so happy about? 397 00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:53,019 This thing was a disaster. 398 00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:55,279 Oh, no. Will. This-this place looks, uh.. 399 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,079 Like hell? 400 00:18:57,099 --> 00:18:59,160 Hell looks a lot better than this, I hope. 401 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,089 Don't worry about it. I mean, since all the repairmen 402 00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:03,089 didn't show up they gave me a week's extension. 403 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,190 So come on. Let's go. 404 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,089 You've been working night and day. 405 00:19:06,109 --> 00:19:08,029 Come on, you've done your best. 406 00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:10,259 Yeah, I did my best and look what happened. 407 00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:15,190 I don't even know why Lisa wants to marry me. 408 00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:17,150 Well, you got me there. 409 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,079 You know, you used to be a lot better 410 00:19:21,099 --> 00:19:23,039 at these little talks, Uncle Phil. 411 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,140 I'm scared, man. 412 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,190 I mean, what if I never get my life together? 413 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:35,150 You know, Will, I really did not wanna have to go here 414 00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:37,190 but you're just gonna make me do it, huh? 415 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,250 Hey, man, don't you think I'm a little old for a spanking? 416 00:19:43,019 --> 00:19:45,210 You know, of all the kids 417 00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:48,170 you give me the most grief. 418 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:50,049 But you know what? 419 00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:53,099 You are the one that I never worry about. 420 00:19:55,059 --> 00:19:56,279 You mean that, Uncle Phil? 421 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,039 Yeah. Just don't tell anybody. 422 00:20:00,059 --> 00:20:03,009 Hey, wait, wait. Hey, man, I've got to tell Carlton. 423 00:20:03,029 --> 00:20:04,079 Look, I can catch him. Can I tell Carlton? 424 00:20:04,099 --> 00:20:06,140 No, come on. Just let's go. 425 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,289 Wait, wait, wait, um.. 426 00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:10,079 [sighs] 427 00:20:10,099 --> 00:20:14,190 Look, Uncle Phil, man, um, you know, I just wanted.. 428 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:15,279 I wanna say, you know, because.. 429 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,039 Yeah, uh.. Yeah, sure. Me too. 430 00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:20,049 You know? You know. You know, what I mean, right? 431 00:20:20,069 --> 00:20:23,000 Yeah. Mm-hm. Sure. 432 00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:26,000 And they say guys can't express their true feelings. 433 00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:28,049 You know what I'm saying? Hah, hah. 434 00:20:28,069 --> 00:20:29,099 That's ridiculous, isn't it? 435 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:31,029 [both laughing] 436 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:32,049 Ouch. 437 00:20:32,069 --> 00:20:33,230 Okay, let's go. 438 00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:36,009 Look, I love you, Uncle Phil. 439 00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:42,059 Let's jet. 440 00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:46,079 Oh, "Let's jet." That was hip. Did you hurt yourself? 441 00:20:46,099 --> 00:20:48,039 Hey, Mr. Banks, um.. 442 00:20:48,059 --> 00:20:50,000 - I just wanted to say-- - Oh, that's okay, Jazz. 443 00:20:50,019 --> 00:20:52,099 - You don't have to thank me. - Thank you? 444 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,250 Damn, a coat of paint in a roach motel 445 00:20:53,269 --> 00:20:56,059 and you're all over yourself. 446 00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:58,269 - I came to make you an offer. - Offer? 447 00:20:58,289 --> 00:21:00,109 Yeah, an offer to withhold my rent 448 00:21:00,130 --> 00:21:02,099 until I can come up with it. 449 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,160 Not on your life. 450 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,009 Very well, then. 451 00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:08,119 Thank you for considering my proposal. 452 00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:10,039 Have a nice day. 453 00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:12,259 [stairs creaking] 454 00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:14,069 Hey, landlord. 455 00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:17,250 Do I detect a hazardous stairwell? 456 00:21:17,269 --> 00:21:19,160 Aah! 457 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:22,059 [crashes] 458 00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:24,269 Ooh. My God. 459 00:21:24,289 --> 00:21:26,079 Uh, that's okay, Uncle Phil. 460 00:21:26,099 --> 00:21:28,079 His rent check would have bounced too. 461 00:21:28,099 --> 00:21:30,130 [instrumental music] 462 00:21:34,039 --> 00:21:35,200 [theme music] 463 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,150 ♪ Yeah ♪ 464 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,029 ♪ Yeah ♪ 465 00:21:46,029 --> 00:21:47,230 ♪ Yeah ♪ 466 00:21:50,230 --> 00:21:52,140 ♪ Yeah ♪ 467 00:21:55,099 --> 00:21:57,000 ♪ Yeah ♪ 468 00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:02,039 ♪ Yeah ♪♪