Lisa, hey, baby.
I know I talked to you three minutes ago, but I missed you.
Phoebe, no! Phoebe.
[growls]
Hey, I'm on a phone call, I'll be out in a sec.
Phoebe, down!
No! Phoebe, no!
Yeah, Lisa, you know I love you, baby.
- 'Phoebe!' - Yes, I love you.
Alright, so I'll see you tonight?
Alright. Bye-bye.
Oh, so, Carlton, what did you want?
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story ♪
♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Stop it.
Don't move.
Let me see you caress the syrup with your tongue.
Why don't you let me see you caress
a Tic Tac with your tongue?
When you are angry, your whole face, it has such character.
Well, look, why don't you get up out of my character
while I'm eatin'?
I must rush to the easel while the hostility is still fresh.
Daddy, why do we have to do a family portrait anyway?
Well, we're in transition, sweetheart.
And I want a portrait to capture us as we are
before we drift further apart.
By the way, Hilary, what are you doing here?
Well, it's so dark at my house. None of the lights work.
Hilary, you have to have the power turned on.
Why don't you call the electric company?
Well, I tried, but the phone doesn't work.
A-about this portrait, sir..
...am I to be involved?
Well, I don't know, I suppose when it's finished
you'll dust it.
Dad, I hope he's not painting it tonight
because a bunch of us are going ice skating.
Yes, and I'm going to a Quayle in '96 Tupperware Party.
[instrumental music]
Hey, hey. So you guys know about this party tonight, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, man, you know
everybody knows about that big party.
- Alright, cool. - Alright.
Yo, man, how come I don't know about that party?
You out of the mix, man. You're married.
Oh, whoa, whoa wait a minute, just 'cause I got a girl
don't mean I still can't hang with my boys.
Hey, cool, but be warned
there's gonna be females up in there.
Girls will be swarming like bees.
Let them swarm on back 'cause I got the queen.
Okay, but once the party starts buzzin'
you're gonna wish your stinger was free.
Alright, hold on, hold on hold on.
The honey is always sweeter at the hive.
Now, you know bees got to go from flower to flower.
Oh, yes, sir, but once they start pollinating
then they what..
Happen, uh..
Look, can we just talk, please?
Fine, fine, but if you ask me, man
I think you need to dump that ball and chain.
Hey, Lisa.
Look at how cute. You are a lucky man.
- Hey, baby. - What's up, baby?
So, what's goin' on tonight?
Uh, you know, I-I've been thinkin'
you-you really been neglecting your friends.
Did you make plans with your friends tonight?
I can cancel them, baby.
Will, you don't have to do that.
I don't care if you wanna go out with your friends, just tell me.
Maybe I'll have my girlfriends over, we'll pop popcorn
and dance to Janet in our nighties.
How come we don't never do that in our nighties?
Will, I'm serious.
Our relationship is based on trust.
I want you to have your own life.
Yeah, you're right, you're right.
[chuckles] I be tripping, I'm stupid.
So, what are you guys gonna do?
Uh, we, uh, uh..
Basketball, yeah, we..
Yeah, we're-we're goin'-goin' to a basketball game.
It's the Clippers, the Clippers, they, uh, they clippin'
and, uh..
Yeah, they playin' against the, uh..
The, uh, uh, the-the Twins.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Ricky, Lisy let you out?
Me? Last I heard, Jewel was patting you on your head
and tossing you a treat.
I'm here, ain't I?
It's all about lettin' her know who wears
the protective cup in the family.
[beeping]
Oh! You never saw me.
- Hi, Will. - Hey.
Wait, you look familiar.
Do you have, like, a really fat twin sister?
Will, it's me, Tina.
Ten Tummy Tina?
Girl, you must have lost twenty..
...eighty pounds.
- You look nice. - Thanks.
You should get to know the new me.
I really firmed up.
I know the feeling.
Hey, look, Tina, baby, trust me
i-i-if this was two months ago, I would be down.
Well, but then, two months ago, you were still up.
Uh, listen, Tina, I have a girlfriend and, you know
just, I ain't tryin' to live like this.
- So? - Uh, Tina, uh, Tina.
Oh, ooh, look, make-your-own sundae.
Ooh!
Aw, dang.
Okay, listen.
We're just gonna hang out for a minute, dance
and then we're heading back to your place, alright?
Yeah, right, this is a party, Lisa.
You've been tied down to one man too long
and you forgot how to work it, now, come on.
Guess you gotta serve yourself around here.
I know that hand.
Um...see, what had happened at first was..
See, at first, I was at the game
but then a sniper came.
And, um, the coach had got shot.
I know someone who should be shot.
- Will, you lied to me. - Wait, now-now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Lisa.
Now, come on, now, if this was two months ago
by now I'd have been up in this party in my drawers
doing the "Tootsie Roll."
But I'm not having any fun right now.
And you know why?
Because I feel guilty.
That's right, I'm at Hoochie Phi Hoochie
and I ain't having no fun.
Now, that's progress.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
What about you, Miss Nightie-Wearing
Popcorn-Poppin', Dancing-To-Janet
Well-At-Least-That's-What- I'm-Going
Tell-my-Boyfriend, Little-Party-Freak?
Will, I wanted to stay home, but my girls wanted to come out.
This ain't no trial, you don't have to explain nothin' to him.
Hush, puppy.
Guess who.
Look, honey, I don't know who you are
but if you don't take your hands off my man
you're gonna lose all that pretty hair of yours.
Sheesh.
Look, uh, Lisa, sweetheart
why don't we take this discussion elsewhere?
This is not a discussion, Will, it is a fight.
And my jacket is in there.
It better be.
Come on, open the door, my girl's jacket is in there.
Yo, Will, what's wrong, man?
[sobbing]
(male #1) 'Don't.'
Baby, no!
[instrumental music]
I ain't playing with you, come on.
Will, you have no right to drag me home, I am not a child.
Oh, you're just a grown woman now, huh?
Listen, Will, I didn't do what you think I did.
Look, I don't even wanna think about
what you think I think you did.
Oh, you know what
you're a regular old party girl now, Lisa
why don't you break it down for her?
Oh-oh, okay, well, let's see here, Ashley.
Usually, at these parties there's a bunch of pathetic guys
who have a good thing goin' on
but they think they're missing something.
So they go out scamming, looking for someone new.
Think I can take it from here, Lis. Thanks for the ride home.
Fine, Will, you do what you gotta do
and you take your time but we're gonna handle our business.
Hey, don't everybody be walkin' away from me!
Ashley!
Listen, I am not playing with you, girl.
Now what is your problem?
It is none of your business, Will.
Oh, I found my 15-year-old cousin locked in a bedroom
with a linebacker and that ain't none of my business?
Hey, man.
Um, we was talking about this movie we had seen.
Um, the movie we just came from, um
uh, it was about a linebacker and a fraternity.
You know, and Larry Fishburne played the dean.
Shut up, Will.
Is that the family room?
Alright, young lady, out with it.
Okay, I didn't go ice skating.
I went to a party.
And, yes, I-I was with a guy, but we were just kissing.
You have no business with a college fullback.
He was a linebacker, Uncle Phil.
Daddy, it-it wasn't just anybody.
He used to go to Bel-Air Academy and I had a big crush--
Eh, save it.
There are not enough words in the English language
to explain your behavior.
My God, do you have any idea the kind of danger
you put yourself in the night?
Well, all my friends were--
If all your friends jumped off the damn MTV building
would you do it?
Do you have any idea where your daughter was tonight, Vivian?
Hmm, at a fraternity house playing touch football
in the bedroom.
Ashley.
Mom, do you remember Andre Lawrence?
- The fullback? - Um, he was..
- Ashley, go to your room. - Mom, please let me--
You heard what your father said.
- But, mom. - Go!
[instrumental music]
- You alright? - I'm fine.
I was just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15.
So long ago, how could you remember?
I-I'm-I'm just so upset that I'm saying things I don't even mean.
I'm gonna go have a talk with Ashley.
You know, sir, if you really wanted to teach Ms. Ashley
a lesson, you could always have her taken out of the portrait.
Ms. Ashley and I are about the same height
it would be a simple matter of painting my head on her body.
- Philip, Ashley's gone. - What?
Take the back streets, I don't wanna be seen.
Shut up and look for Ashley.
- Hello. - Hey.
Lisa, what's up? It's me.
Will, it is 1:00 in the morning.
Yeah, yeah, I just called you two minutes ago.
Where were you?
- I was asleep. - Uh-huh.
Sure you ain't just gettin' in?
Just as sure as I'm about to hang up on you.
How you gonna call me at 1:00
in the morning then ask me where I been?
Alright, alright, alright, my fault, my fault.
Look, Ashley ran away and I just thought
she might be there with you.
No, you didn't.
Keep me posted.
Alright.
When we find Ashley, she's reimbursing me for gas.
Where is she?
Well, if it was me and I ran away from home
I'd probably check into the Four Seasons and get a massage.
Well, I'm telling you, y'all should have seen Uncle Phil.
Dude just went straightloco.
That big vein in his neck looked like a anaconda.
Look, there's a method to my father's madness.
If he came down hard on Ashley, it was for her own good.
Man, you think everything your father does is right.
Of course, don't you?
Hell, no.
Carlton, Will's right. Daddy is way too strict.
Well, he may be strict, but he's always fair.
Yeah, when you're a son.
Well, sons are different than daughters.
In your case, just barely.
If you're referring to the size of my endowment
it's almost as large as Hilary's.
God, I hope you talkin' about money.
[instrumental music]
Y-y-yes, thank you. I'll tell him.
Sir, the precinct says they'll keep looking.
I can't believe she's out there somewhere, Vivian.
Our little girl.
Sorry, guys, we couldn't find her.
[sighs]
- Will, this is all your fault. - My fault?
Where else did Ashley learn such behavior?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, man.
You're the one that chased Ashley out of here.
How dare you talk to me like that?
He dares because he doesn't respect you.
Neither of them do.
What a crock.
How you go and just tell a bold-faced lie like..
(Hilary on recorder) 'Carlton, Will is right. Daddy is way too strict.'
(Will on recorder) 'Yeah, right, you think everything'
'your father does is right.'
(Carlton on recorder) 'Of course, don't you?'
(Will on recorder) 'Hell, no.'
And listen to this from last week.
Hey, man, what is wrong with you?
[instrumental music]
Hey, what up, Ash?
Hi, Will.
[laughs]
You mean to tell me we've been out runnin' all over this city
lookin' for you and you've been up in here?
Well, I did run away.
But there are some weirdoes out there.
You know something, this is all your fault.
What is that, like, the theme of this family?
"When in doubt, blame Will."
If it wasn't for you, daddy would never
have found out about that party.
Well, Ashley, that still doesn't mean
that you should have been there.
Ashley, listen
college boys are like predators.
You know, they prey on innocent
little high school girls like you.
They're like piranha, Ashley.
And you're 110 pounds of teenage chum.
A hundred and eight.
And I'm not as innocent as I look.
Alright, I am.
Well, you ready to walk that last mile?
Will, I didn't do anything.
The Lord is my shepherd.
Hey, everybody, look what I found.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm-I'm alright.
Now, we've got a bit of a volatile situation here.
A powder keg if you will.
A mishandling of this situation
could have repercussions that will reverberate forever.
Vivian...call your sister and tell her
she's about to lose her only child.
I'm gonna call her and tell her myself.
Look..
...now, I could ground you forever.
I could put bars on your windows
I could put locks on your doors.
- Daddy. - Don't daddy me.
Do you have any idea what you put this family through?
Running around doing God knows what with God knows who.
If I would have asked you, you wouldn't have let me go.
You're darn right. You're 15 years old.
You have no business at a party with college boys!
- All my friends were there. - Your friends don't live here!
I can't do this.
You talk to your daughter, I'm done.
You guys hate me.
Ashley, if that were true, we wouldn't care when you did
something foolish like this.
What you have to understand..
...is that we know what's best for you.
It may not seem like that now
but one day you'll understand that.
End of discussion.
- Mom, don't you understand? - Yes, I understand.
I understand you lied and you ran away.
And another thing.
As long as you live in this house
you will follow our rules.
That's it!
Mom.
[bangs]
Ashley, I understand what you're feeling.
But you have to consider the seriousness of what you did.
You really hurt us this evening.
All I want is for you to trust me.
Trust is a very fragile thing.
And you're gonna have to start earning it all back.
I messed up really bad.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Ashley.
Mama, I'm sorry.
[instrumental music]
I saw Ashley's tutor leaving.
Oh, yeah, they're actually gonna let Ashley eat tomorrow.
Yeah, that's what happens when you lie.
You gotta be punished.
So, what do you think your punishment should be?
Oh, I don't know.
I think it should hurt.
I think it should really teach me a lesson.
And I should be wearing some kind of hat.
You are sick.
Okay, no hat.
I think people lie because the truth hurts.
Yeah.
Like, take this jacket you're wearing.
What about this jacket?
I love it.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Yeah ♪