1
00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:04,059
[instrumental music]

2
00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:17,089
What are you doing?

3
00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:19,140
Oh, I'm tryin' to see how close
I can get to your head

4
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,289
without hittin' it.

5
00:00:21,219 --> 00:00:23,000
[chuckles]

6
00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:31,079
Uh...you know, you're
not doin' a very good job.

7
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,049
And the next time
you throw one of those at me

8
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:35,000
I'm gonna make you eat it.

9
00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:36,270
Ooh.

10
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,189
Oh, see, now see, now see,
now you're in trouble.

11
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,229
- I'm in trouble?
- Uh-huh, now you're in trouble.

12
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:46,030
Oh, okay.

13
00:00:48,109 --> 00:00:50,240
Mm.

14
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,000
- Mm.
- Mm.

15
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,100
Whoo, if that's what happens

16
00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:56,049
for throwin'
a couple grapes at you..

17
00:01:06,209 --> 00:01:08,170
Will, you know
what I like about you?

18
00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:11,060
What? That I'm so romantic?

19
00:01:11,079 --> 00:01:14,109
No, that you're so goofy.

20
00:01:16,189 --> 00:01:19,159
G-goofy, well, oh,
you-you mean like

21
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:24,010
in asuave,debonair,
Denzel-ian kinda way, right?

22
00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:26,189
No, not really.

23
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:29,109
What? What-what do you mean?
I'm, what-what, immature?

24
00:01:29,129 --> 00:01:32,200
No, no, no, I mean, that
you're, you're spontaneous

25
00:01:32,219 --> 00:01:36,030
and you're fun and,
you know, goofy.

26
00:01:37,289 --> 00:01:39,259
Why don't we just study?
How about that?

27
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,219
Yeah, let's just
get back to studyin'.

28
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:42,270
Fine.

29
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,099
Your mom goofy.

30
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[theme song]

31
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♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

32
00:01:52,219 --> 00:01:55,079
♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside down ♪

33
00:01:55,099 --> 00:01:57,180
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

34
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,030
♪ I'll tell you how
I became the prince ♪

35
00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:00,209
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

36
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:03,269
[instrumental music]

37
00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:12,009
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

38
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:14,219
♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

39
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,219
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

40
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,069
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

41
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,240
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

42
00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:23,259
♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

43
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,159
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

44
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,250
♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

45
00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:30,270
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

46
00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:33,170
♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

47
00:02:33,189 --> 00:02:35,229
♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

48
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:39,219
♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

49
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,280
♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

50
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,180
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

51
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,229
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

52
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,189
♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

53
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:53,240
[music continues]

54
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,289
Attention, everyone. Attention.

55
00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:09,240
I have an announcement.

56
00:03:09,259 --> 00:03:12,189
My horoscope said that
I will prosper in my house.

57
00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:15,150
So, I figured
I better go buy one.

58
00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:19,039
Hallelujah!

59
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,050
Excuse me.

60
00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:26,199
Hilary, that's wonderful.

61
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:30,110
Nothing fancy, no more than
six or seven bedrooms.

62
00:03:30,129 --> 00:03:34,240
And I don't even care if it
has a wine cellar. For now.

63
00:03:34,259 --> 00:03:37,189
Wait a minute, how are you going
to afford a house like that?

64
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:40,099
I have discovered
a unique method of savings.

65
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,099
I never spend my own money.

66
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,199
By the way, daddy, don't use
your platinum card this month.

67
00:03:47,219 --> 00:03:49,250
Let me get this straight,
all this time

68
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,210
you've been hoarding
your talk show salary

69
00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:55,139
while feasting away
on the family fortune?

70
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:58,020
What do you say to that,
big guy?

71
00:03:58,039 --> 00:04:01,060
All I heard is that
she's moving.

72
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,199
- Hey, good morning, G.
- Good morning, Master William.

73
00:04:03,219 --> 00:04:05,150
Hey, w-what's up, y'all? Listen.

74
00:04:05,169 --> 00:04:09,259
Um, if-if you had to sum me up
in, you know, like, one word

75
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,120
how would y'all describe me?

76
00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:12,180
- Freeloader.
- Undependable.

77
00:04:12,199 --> 00:04:14,099
- He's not a freeloader.
- Lazy.

78
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,069
Of course he's lazy.
He works for me.

79
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,129
- He's a freeloading, lazy bum.
- Oh, come on.

80
00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:21,000
Believe me, he's lazy.

81
00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:22,259
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- What?

82
00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,160
I said one word.

83
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:29,009
Come on, y'all, like-like-like
suave, debonair, strong.

84
00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,269
What's this for, Will?

85
00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:33,079
Well, you know,
the other night, Lisa said

86
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,110
I-I was kinda, you know, goofy.

87
00:04:36,129 --> 00:04:38,230
- Yes, that's it.
- Exactly.

88
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We're going to go
with goofy, Will.

89
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[instrumental music]

90
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How you doing, goofy?

91
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:55,050
[laughing]

92
00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,159
- Shut up, Carlton.
- Well, look, I don't know.

93
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:01,180
M-maybe Lisa tried
to give you a hint.

94
00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:03,129
First, she calls you goofy,
the next thing you know

95
00:05:03,149 --> 00:05:04,189
she's not even calling you.

96
00:05:04,209 --> 00:05:07,060
[scoffs]
Yeah, right. You think?

97
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,269
Will, if there's
one thing I know

98
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:11,209
it's about women not
calling.

99
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,129
- Hey. What's up, baby?
- Hey.

100
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,220
Hey, listen,
I'm off in 15 minutes.

101
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,029
Oh, Will, I'm so excited.

102
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,240
To hell with it.
I'm off now then.

103
00:05:21,259 --> 00:05:23,189
You're so ridiculous,
I'm excited

104
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:25,100
because my friend
Marvin got published

105
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,290
in the op-ed section.

106
00:05:27,009 --> 00:05:29,170
Oh, pfft, I mean,
if I put my mind to it

107
00:05:29,189 --> 00:05:31,180
I could write in any one
of them old magazines.

108
00:05:31,199 --> 00:05:34,189
Baby, you don't need to prove to
me that you're an intellectual.

109
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,269
I like you just the way
that you are.

110
00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:42,019
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Oh, just forget it.

111
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,170
Ooh. I cannot wait to read this.

112
00:05:43,189 --> 00:05:47,230
The last article he wrote,
ooh, it gave me goosebumps.

113
00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,290
I'm gonna climb
into a hot bubble bath

114
00:05:50,009 --> 00:05:51,230
and get started
on this right now.

115
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,069
See you later.

116
00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:57,040
A bubble bath?

117
00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:59,240
"Marvin, take me away."

118
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:03,139
[scoffs]
I'm saying, man, how hard could
it be to write a dumb article?

119
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,250
I could write a whole book.

120
00:06:05,269 --> 00:06:07,189
What kind of book?

121
00:06:07,209 --> 00:06:09,050
A good one.

122
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,250
One thatrealpeople
would wanna read, you know

123
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:13,129
with pictures and stuff.

124
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,079
Oh, a coloring book.

125
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:19,000
No, I'm being serious, Carlton.

126
00:06:19,019 --> 00:06:21,009
I mean, how hard could it be
to write good?

127
00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:23,069
- Well.
- Well, what?

128
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,180
Never mind.

129
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:29,019
[instrumental music]

130
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,129
[shutter clicking]

131
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:32,220
Oh, sorry.

132
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:36,050
Hey, Carlton, thanks
for comin' along, man.

133
00:06:36,069 --> 00:06:38,000
No problem, the sooner
you make some money

134
00:06:38,019 --> 00:06:39,139
the sooner you're out
of the pool house

135
00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:41,259
and ultimately out of my
life.

136
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,170
Hey, man, listen, what do you
think of this title for my book?

137
00:06:44,189 --> 00:06:48,170
I'm gonna call it
"Celebrities' Houses At Night."

138
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,110
I may have misjudged you, Will.

139
00:06:51,129 --> 00:06:54,009
You really are pulling out
all the stops for this girl.

140
00:06:54,029 --> 00:06:56,209
I mean, look at you, your hair's
neat, your nails are trimmed.

141
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,290
You started flossing again.

142
00:06:59,009 --> 00:07:02,019
Hey-hey, man, look, I even trim
my nose hair. Check it out.

143
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,149
- Nice job.
- Thanks.

144
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:08,269
I don't know,
it's just wild, man.

145
00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:12,079
You know, it's like...Lisa's
the first thought in my mind

146
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,259
when I wake up in the morning.

147
00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:16,120
The last thought
before I go to sleep.

148
00:07:16,139 --> 00:07:20,069
Man, you know, I can talk to her
about anything.

149
00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:22,220
You know, it's like her face
has just been engraved

150
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,079
inside my head.

151
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,009
'It's like, just say
I'm havin' a bad day.'

152
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,129
No matter what it is,
just terrible, it's like

153
00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:31,069
that first second
that I see her beautiful face

154
00:07:31,089 --> 00:07:34,250
and she puts
her arms around me..

155
00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:39,100
...I touch her lips, it's like,
just everything is better.

156
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,259
Everything.

157
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:45,199
You know what I'm saying,
Carlton?

158
00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:48,029
I sure do.

159
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,129
- Give me a hug, big guy.
- Carlton!

160
00:07:52,149 --> 00:07:53,230
[tires screeching]

161
00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:55,040
[horn honking]

162
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,230
Carlton, what is wrong
with you, man?

163
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,050
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

164
00:07:59,069 --> 00:08:02,129
I just got caught up
in the moment.

165
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,220
Why don't you get caught up
in keeping your damn eyes

166
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,230
on the road?

167
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:07,180
Alright, okay.

168
00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:10,139
L-look, just take a picture
of Bob Barker's house.

169
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,129
Oh, man.

170
00:08:14,149 --> 00:08:17,040
Look like Bob up in there
gettin' his freak on.

171
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:21,069
Bobby, come on down.

172
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:25,120
[instrumental music]

173
00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:27,220
Alright, alright,
check it out, listen.

174
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,129
I even got a title.

175
00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:32,210
It's called
"Celebrities' Houses At Night."

176
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:35,000
- I'm not sure.
- Okay.

177
00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:36,190
You know what, you're right.
You're right.

178
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,080
Oh-oh, look at this picture.
How about this one?

179
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,190
Look at Richard Simmons
in his backyard

180
00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:41,250
cooking them big old
stank sausages.

181
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,000
Oh, man, that one is gold.

182
00:08:44,019 --> 00:08:46,070
Look, kid, I gotta tell you,
this picture doesn't really

183
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,200
do it for me, okay. I mean,
look at it, it's too dark.

184
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:51,080
Oh, see, see you're not open.
You're not open, man.

185
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:54,159
I'm tellin' you, it's
"Celebrities' Houses At Night."

186
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:57,039
Okay, look, look, kid,
you got a-you got

187
00:08:57,059 --> 00:08:58,250
a nice idea here
with the house thing.

188
00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:01,049
It's just not somethin'
I can get behind, alright?

189
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:02,190
Okay, okay, alright, see

190
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:05,090
'cause you're not lettin' your
cerebellum rotate, man.

191
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:07,009
Listen, look at this.

192
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:08,149
It's not just pictures.

193
00:09:08,169 --> 00:09:10,179
I wrote little stories
with them too.

194
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,210
Bam! Ah, you didn't notice
that one, right.

195
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,279
See, it's different now, see

196
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,210
'cause I'm not just
a photographer, man.

197
00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,190
I'm a photographer and a writer.

198
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,139
I'm ambidextrous.

199
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,179
Nice try, huh?
Maybe next time.

200
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:26,149
Well, fine. Maybe I am goofy.

201
00:09:26,169 --> 00:09:28,149
'Hey, don't forget
your pictures here.'

202
00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:30,169
Wait. Wait. Wait a minute.

203
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:33,070
Is, is this one Jay Leno?

204
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:36,009
- Mm, yeah, that's him.
- What is he doing here?

205
00:09:36,029 --> 00:09:39,000
Um, I don't know, he was pouring
some coffee in the sewer

206
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:40,240
or somethin', I don't know,
what does my story say?

207
00:09:40,259 --> 00:09:44,070
Now, I could definitely use this
in one of my publications.

208
00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:45,240
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

209
00:09:45,259 --> 00:09:47,269
Hey, America loves Jay Leno.

210
00:09:47,289 --> 00:09:50,110
So-so, what, it'd be
he'd more like an article?

211
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:52,169
Yeah, that's right.

212
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,200
Hey, but I mean, I still get
credit and everythin', alright?

213
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:57,149
Oh, that and $500,
here, here, here.

214
00:09:57,169 --> 00:10:00,120
I want you to read this, uh,
this release form.

215
00:10:00,139 --> 00:10:02,000
Sign it when you're ready.

216
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,230
Ooh.

217
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,110
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

218
00:10:07,129 --> 00:10:08,279
Oh, hey, looks good to me, man.

219
00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:12,179
[instrumental music]

220
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:15,049
Will?

221
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:18,250
Will?

222
00:10:23,179 --> 00:10:26,259
(Will)
Good evening,
you fine Nubian princess.

223
00:10:26,279 --> 00:10:28,210
I set up a little surprise
for you tonight

224
00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:31,080
so just follow instructions
and enjoy.

225
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,009
Number one, clap twice.

226
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:37,190
[clapping]

227
00:10:37,210 --> 00:10:40,240
[music on stereo]

228
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,240
(Will)
Number two.

229
00:10:43,259 --> 00:10:46,070
I've got a succulent
lobster dinner prepared.

230
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:48,200
So go to the microwave,
press start.

231
00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:55,200
[beep]

232
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,080
(Will)
Number three.

233
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,179
Take your sexy little self

234
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,230
on over to the couch
and have a seat.

235
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,070
Number four.

236
00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:08,159
Get naked.

237
00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:10,289
What?

238
00:11:11,009 --> 00:11:12,159
(Will)
No, my fault, my fault.

239
00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:14,019
I was just kiddin',
I was just kiddin'.

240
00:11:14,039 --> 00:11:15,190
Alright, number five.

241
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:17,059
Turn around.

242
00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:31,230
Ooh, you sure do know
how to make a girl feel special.

243
00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:33,230
Will, what is all of this about?

244
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:36,120
We are celebrating, baby.

245
00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:38,019
I've been published.

246
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,070
Published?
When did you start writing?

247
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,250
Last week.

248
00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:44,230
Hey, look, uh, I wanna give you
some goosebumps too.

249
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,240
Mm, okay, so where's
the article?

250
00:11:46,259 --> 00:11:48,080
- Let me see it.
- Eh, eh, eh.

251
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,100
In due time, in due time.
It's all a surprise, baby.

252
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,169
Okay.

253
00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,210
[Will clears throat]

254
00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:02,110
Lisa.

255
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:05,200
Sweetheart, there's only one
word to describe you.

256
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,259
Scum.

257
00:12:08,070 --> 00:12:10,029
(Will)
Carlton, uh..

258
00:12:10,049 --> 00:12:12,190
Man, you know the routine,
when there's a sock in the door

259
00:12:12,210 --> 00:12:14,049
you sleep on the lawn.

260
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,190
Have you read this week's
"National Inquisitor?"

261
00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:20,100
Man, I don't read that trash.

262
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,289
Then how come you're writing it?

263
00:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,169
Wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa, wait a minute.

264
00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:34,070
They used one of my photos
from my book and put it in here.

265
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:38,279
"Jay Leno, Earth Enemy
Number One by Will Smith?"

266
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,009
You sold pictures
to a sleazy magazine like this?

267
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,070
No, no, no, baby. I did not.

268
00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,019
I sold them to a book publisher.

269
00:12:46,039 --> 00:12:48,029
Look, Jay Leno wasn't
holdin' no oil can.

270
00:12:48,049 --> 00:12:49,250
He was holdin' a coffee pot.

271
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,149
That guy tricked me.

272
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,070
Oh, well, at least I got
paid.

273
00:12:57,049 --> 00:12:59,009
Master William,
you have a visitor.

274
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,169
- Will Smith?
- Uh, yes, sir.

275
00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:03,000
You're served.

276
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,289
Wha..

277
00:13:09,009 --> 00:13:11,000
What-what's-what's wrong, baby?

278
00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:15,110
Jay Leno is suing me
for $10 million.

279
00:13:15,129 --> 00:13:18,159
[instrumental music]

280
00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:23,110
How do you go from trying
to make a little impression

281
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:28,059
on Lisa to being sued
by Jay Leno for $10 million?

282
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,049
Um...I'm goofy?

283
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,080
But, wait, wait, come on,
Uncle Phil

284
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,169
I am the victim here.

285
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,039
That publisher took my pictures

286
00:13:37,059 --> 00:13:39,179
and used them for evil
instead of good.

287
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,179
I mean, he-he like Hugh Hefner.

288
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,200
And I'm an innocent young
girl
from the Midwest.

289
00:13:46,139 --> 00:13:49,120
And you expect me
to clean up this mess, huh?

290
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:50,279
Well, yeah, man,
you know the routine.

291
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,090
I do somethin' stupid, you clean
it all up, make it better.

292
00:13:53,110 --> 00:13:56,019
And the-the only difference is
this time, I didn't do nothin'.

293
00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:57,139
I think you've taken
troublemaking

294
00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:58,279
to a whole new plateau.

295
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,090
Look, wait, wait a minute,
come on, come on, Uncle Phil.

296
00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:01,230
You gotta know
somebody down there.

297
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:04,000
I mean, a cameraman,
a makeup girl.

298
00:14:04,019 --> 00:14:07,049
Maybe you sentenced one of the
guys in the band or somethin'.

299
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:09,230
Will, there is a bigger
issue
involved here.

300
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,240
I cannot keep pulling
your butt out of the fire.

301
00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:14,000
You're right, you're right,
you're right, Uncle Phil.

302
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:18,220
Look...and this is the last
two or few times, I promise.

303
00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:22,080
You know, Will,
there comes a time..

304
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:26,019
Oh, not the "There comes a time"
speech.

305
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,059
I'd pay $10 million
to not have to hear that again.

306
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,129
And I'd pay $10 million so I
didn't have tosayit again.

307
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:31,289
Alright, alright,
fine, Uncle Phil

308
00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:33,250
if you don't wanna help me,
just say that.

309
00:14:33,269 --> 00:14:36,100
I got myself into this mess,
I'll get myself out.

310
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,269
I don't need nobody.

311
00:14:43,169 --> 00:14:45,100
Dude, look, why don't I watch
you handle this one

312
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,009
I'll get the next one,
alright?

313
00:14:47,259 --> 00:14:50,279
[instrumental music]

314
00:14:54,259 --> 00:14:56,100
I can't believe
that that realtor

315
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,149
wasted my time on that dump.

316
00:14:58,169 --> 00:15:01,169
Hilary, that house was gorgeous.
What's the problem?

317
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:05,049
Problem? Well, for starters,
the layout.

318
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,240
Say I'm having
a small garden party

319
00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:09,070
for 50 of my closest friends.

320
00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:12,009
And someone spills cocktail
sauce on their Armani suit.

321
00:15:12,029 --> 00:15:13,269
My maid Hildegard
would have to go

322
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:16,250
through the gazebo into the
living room past the library

323
00:15:16,269 --> 00:15:19,019
and up the steps
to get to the laundry room.

324
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,269
- Hilary, that's ridiculous.
- You're right.

325
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,120
Who cares how far
Hildegard has to walk?

326
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:32,169
Is there anything
I can do to help?

327
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,059
Can you drive a getaway car?

328
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,289
Master William, come quickly.

329
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,029
They're talking about you
on the telly.

330
00:15:41,049 --> 00:15:43,230
Save our sewers.
Save our sewers.

331
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:46,269
This is Andrea White of KFPB.

332
00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:49,019
It has been reported
to the "National Inquisitor"

333
00:15:49,039 --> 00:15:52,090
that "Tonight Show" host
Jay Leno is a toxic polluter.

334
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,110
Will Smith is the young man
who photographed

335
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,210
Leno dumping oil
into the sewer systems.

336
00:15:56,230 --> 00:16:00,259
His story also alleges that
Mr. Leno may be single-handedly

337
00:16:00,279 --> 00:16:04,110
responsible for destroying the
rain forest, the ozone layer

338
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:07,000
and the one tree
that grows in Brooklyn.

339
00:16:09,179 --> 00:16:11,230
(Ashley)
Oh, that poor little tree.

340
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:15,120
Forget that tree, Ashley.
Come on, I'm getting railroaded.

341
00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:17,039
Well, I finally
contacted Leno's lawyer.

342
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,259
Yeah, what's up, Uncle Phil?
What'd he say?

343
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:21,070
Well, I'm sorry, son,
but it doesn't look good.

344
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,240
I'm afraid you're liable.

345
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,289
[laughing]

346
00:16:29,259 --> 00:16:31,110
What is so funny?

347
00:16:31,129 --> 00:16:34,080
You're liable for libel.
Get it? Those are homonyms.

348
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,259
Carlton, your next crack
is gonna be in your head.

349
00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:41,080
Try it and I'll sue.

350
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,200
Well..

351
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,039
...I know what I gotta do.

352
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:55,100
He's not gonna do
anything stupid, is he?

353
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,169
You don't know him
very well, do you?

354
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:00,230
(John)
'It's "The Tonight Show."'

355
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,139
Of course I'm doing the
Bill Clinton McDonald's bit.

356
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,289
It's my best joke.

357
00:17:04,009 --> 00:17:06,240
You're my agent, I'm the one
who should be nervous.

358
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,099
I'll-I'll call you
after the show, okay?

359
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,210
Yeah. Bye.

360
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:19,160
Hey, bro. How you doing?

361
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:21,000
H-h-have you seen Jay Leno?

362
00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:23,180
No, and I probably won't
until I'm on stage.

363
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,190
I'm John Ridley,
I'm the comedian.

364
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:29,029
Oh, so-so you're John Ridley.

365
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,140
Yeah. Oh, well,
these are for you.

366
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,079
Uh, they're from, uh, Mr. Leno.

367
00:17:33,099 --> 00:17:35,230
Oh, thanks.

368
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:38,289
Listen, uh, John, uh, how
long
have you been a standup?

369
00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:41,079
About ten years. Why?

370
00:17:41,099 --> 00:17:43,039
[sighs]

371
00:17:43,059 --> 00:17:45,150
I just hate this part of my job.

372
00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:47,109
What-what-what part?

373
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,240
Dude, you've been bumped.

374
00:17:50,259 --> 00:17:52,259
- Bumped?
- Listen, listen.

375
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,220
One of Roseanne's
other personalities showed
up.

376
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,049
We're gonna have to let
her keep talking.

377
00:17:57,069 --> 00:17:58,210
You gotta be kidding.

378
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,160
My entire family in Milwaukee
is gonna be watching.

379
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,049
- I got a killer opening bit.
- Listen, listen.

380
00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:03,200
I'm sorry, bro, that's show biz.

381
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,000
- Come on, let's go.
- No, wait-wait a minute.

382
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,029
I got this great joke

383
00:18:06,049 --> 00:18:07,210
about how I'm so pro-black

384
00:18:07,230 --> 00:18:10,119
I won't even pick the cotton
out of a bottle of aspirin.

385
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:17,059
I think I did you a favor,
bro, come on.

386
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:19,109
But my-my family is gonna..

387
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,059
- Security.
- Wait.

388
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,289
[instrumental music]

389
00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:28,099
Welcome back, uh, my next guest
is a young comedian

390
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,059
making his very first appearance
on "The Tonight Show."

391
00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:31,170
Please give a warm welcome

392
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:33,269
to a very funny young man,
Mr. John Ridley.

393
00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:37,000
[crowd cheering]

394
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,190
Hey, how you doing? Hey.

395
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,150
Well, you know,
the-the other day

396
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:50,079
I just had this bottle
of aspirin, you know.

397
00:18:50,099 --> 00:18:54,130
But I, I couldn't take it
because I'm black.

398
00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:57,190
What-what-what I mean is,
you know

399
00:18:57,210 --> 00:19:01,180
the-the bottle had cotton
in it, you know.

400
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,109
Get it? Cotton. I'm black.

401
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,180
Well, well, a-actually, you know

402
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,170
what-what-what I-what I
mean is, um..

403
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:14,039
(Jay)
'Hey, wait a minute,
wait-wait-wait.'

404
00:19:14,059 --> 00:19:15,220
This-this isn't John Ridley.
What's goin' on?

405
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,130
Security...have this guy
removed, please.

406
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:18,289
Wait. Wait a minute.
Hey, Jay, Jay, listen.

407
00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:20,190
Listen, you gotta-you gotta
listen to me.

408
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,180
I'm-I'm the guy that
you're suing, Will Smith.

409
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,269
You are the guy that's been

410
00:19:23,289 --> 00:19:25,170
puttin' all the stuff
in the paper?

411
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:27,089
This has been, hey, you probably
know about this there's been

412
00:19:27,109 --> 00:19:29,150
a lot written about me,
that lot of it untrue.

413
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,039
And this seems to be
the gentleman respon..

414
00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:33,029
Come over here, come over here,
sit down, come here, let..

415
00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:34,099
Why don't we settle it right now

416
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:35,289
why don't you sit down here.

417
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:39,130
You got two minutes
to explain yourself.

418
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:40,140
- Hey.
- Alright.

419
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,230
Tell us what's going on.

420
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,269
Uh, Jay, listen,
I-I was just trying

421
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:45,210
to impress my girlfriend, Lisa

422
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,240
'cause I, I like her
a lot, you know.

423
00:19:47,259 --> 00:19:52,170
So I just wanted to prove to her
that I wasn't, you know, goofy.

424
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:58,099
You, goofy? Gee, I can't imagine
how she got that idea.

425
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,250
- What are you talkin' about?
- Yeah, me neither, man.

426
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:02,250
You know, but, so what-what
happened was, you know

427
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,259
I was puttin' together
this book.

428
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:08,160
It was called
"Celebrities' Houses At Night."

429
00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:09,250
It's a good concept, right?

430
00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:11,259
Yeah, great, great,
yeah, terrific idea.

431
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,200
You know, what-what
happened was, you know

432
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:16,279
I just wanted to show Lisa
that I was special, you know?

433
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,160
'Cause, you know, I just-I just
really don't wanna lose her

434
00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:21,130
'cause I-I really like her.

435
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:24,000
And, well, you know, the
pictures I gave 'em to the guy

436
00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:25,250
and then he was supposed
to be puttin' out my book.

437
00:20:25,269 --> 00:20:27,089
And, you know, he winded up
puttin' it

438
00:20:27,109 --> 00:20:28,240
in the "National Inquisitor."

439
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:31,089
Now, Jay, I never meant for
anything bad to happen with you.

440
00:20:31,109 --> 00:20:33,160
I didn't mean for them pictures
to-to be for that.

441
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:35,000
Well, listen, America

442
00:20:35,019 --> 00:20:37,049
I just want you to know it
was-it was not oil

443
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,150
it was coffee, Jay was
pouring-pouring coffee out.

444
00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:41,170
- It wasn't oil.
- Right.

445
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:43,059
Well-well-well, thank you,
thank you, Smith

446
00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:44,250
for clearing that up,
I-I appreciate that.

447
00:20:44,269 --> 00:20:47,069
Well, you know,
my-my friends call me Will.

448
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,220
Thanks a lot, Smith.
I really appreciate that.

449
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,019
- 'Thank you.'
- Yeah.

450
00:20:51,039 --> 00:20:52,160
A-a-actually,
that's-that's-that's

451
00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:54,039
kind of romantic,
I-I-I think, though.

452
00:20:54,059 --> 00:20:56,099
I-I think..
I-I-I mean what you..

453
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,000
You are goofy,
and you are an idiot.

454
00:20:58,019 --> 00:20:59,279
But that's beside the point,
but I-I think it's still

455
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,160
kind of a romantic thing and
maybe we should drop the
suit.

456
00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:03,289
What do you think,
audience, drop the suit?

457
00:21:04,009 --> 00:21:05,269
[crowd cheering]

458
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:09,069
- Alright, Will.
- Okay.

459
00:21:09,089 --> 00:21:10,170
- You're off the hook.
- Thanks.

460
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:12,130
- Thanks a lot, Jay.
- Alright, alright.

461
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:14,079
Hey, who's our next guest?

462
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,029
[screams]

463
00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:20,250
[instrumental music]

464
00:21:20,269 --> 00:21:22,019
[applause on TV]

465
00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:23,180
That's it, folks,
join us tomorrow night

466
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,019
were our guests will be
Kevin Costner, Wilt Chamberlain

467
00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:28,220
and we'll see if we can find
the real John Ridley.

468
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,019
See you later, bye-bye.
Thanks for watching.

469
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,059
[music on TV]

470
00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:34,109
(Ashley)
Wow, Will, were you nervous?

471
00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:35,279
No, no, not really, listen

472
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,170
I'm just glad that
whole mess is over.

473
00:21:38,190 --> 00:21:41,019
Will, I'm sorry I started
the whole thing

474
00:21:41,039 --> 00:21:43,180
but you looked pretty good
on "The Tonight Show."

475
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,109
You were really wacky.

476
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:53,259
I'm-I'm sayin', w-what
do you mean by "Wacky?"

477
00:21:55,099 --> 00:21:56,170
- No, he's not wacky. No.
- She did not mean that.

478
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,289
- She did not mean that.
- No.

479
00:21:58,009 --> 00:22:00,180
No, I mean, you're an
irresponsible lazy bum

480
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,259
but you're not..

481
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:07,180
♪ Yeah ♪

482
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,039
♪ Yeah ♪

483
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:16,259
♪ Yeah ♪

484
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:21,140
♪ Yeah ♪

485
00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,000
♪ Yeah ♪

486
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:30,200
♪ Yeah ♪♪