1
00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:05,040
Hey, girl. Whoo.

2
00:00:05,059 --> 00:00:07,280
Hey, Carlton, what's up, man?
These are the books I need.

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,140
Will, classes have been
in session for five weeks

4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,029
and you're buying books now?

5
00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:14,039
Oh, yeah, I thought I'd get
an early start this year.

6
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,070
Look, check it out,
I need English Lit 101

7
00:00:17,089 --> 00:00:21,089
Sociology 101
and Human Sexuality 420.

8
00:00:21,109 --> 00:00:23,140
420? That's a graduate course.

9
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,199
Oh, yeah, I did advance
placement in high school.

10
00:00:25,219 --> 00:00:27,070
You know what I mean?

11
00:00:27,089 --> 00:00:28,190
[theme song]

12
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:30,140
♪ Now this is a story ♪

13
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,250
♪ All about how my life got
flipped turned upside down ♪

14
00:00:33,270 --> 00:00:36,049
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

15
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,189
♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

16
00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:39,090
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

17
00:00:48,009 --> 00:00:50,189
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

18
00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:53,060
♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

19
00:00:53,079 --> 00:00:55,090
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

20
00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:57,240
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

21
00:00:57,259 --> 00:01:00,149
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

22
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:02,100
♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

23
00:01:02,119 --> 00:01:05,019
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

24
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,109
♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

25
00:01:07,129 --> 00:01:09,150
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

26
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,060
♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

27
00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:14,109
♪ If anything I can say that
this cab was rare ♪

28
00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:18,079
♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

29
00:01:18,099 --> 00:01:21,129
♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

30
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:24,039
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

31
00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:26,120
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

32
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:29,019
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

33
00:01:42,129 --> 00:01:44,150
[instrumental music]

34
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:51,129
Ooh, Valerie "The girl of my
dream" Johnson, is in my house.

35
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:53,150
You know, see, we got this
little game that we play.

36
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:56,180
You know, I ask her out
and she says, "No," you
know.

37
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,039
Right now, she's winning 64-zip,
but I feel lucky.

38
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,120
Excuse me.

39
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:05,109
Hey, Val, what's up, baby?

40
00:02:05,129 --> 00:02:07,120
Let me tell you,
this is your lucky day.

41
00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:10,199
Oh, why? Let me guess, you're
not gonna ask me out today.

42
00:02:10,219 --> 00:02:12,120
You are funny, girl.

43
00:02:12,139 --> 00:02:14,030
No, but listen,
on the serious tip

44
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:17,120
I checked my schedule
and, um, I'm free.

45
00:02:17,139 --> 00:02:19,240
So I can take you out
tonight.

46
00:02:19,259 --> 00:02:21,139
Check again because I can't.

47
00:02:21,159 --> 00:02:23,090
I already made plans.

48
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,129
My cousin is comin' in
from out of town

49
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,229
and I promised her
we'd hang out.

50
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,229
Oh, okay.
Hey, you're fired.

51
00:02:31,189 --> 00:02:33,280
I got an idea.
How about we double date?

52
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,199
A double date?

53
00:02:35,219 --> 00:02:38,270
No, see, I can't,
my cousin has bad luck with men.

54
00:02:38,289 --> 00:02:40,129
W-w-wait a minute, baby,
you're not listening

55
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:42,039
you're not listenin',
I-I'm telling you

56
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:44,189
I got the perfect guy for
you,
he's a perfect gentleman.

57
00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:47,180
Listen, y'all come over
the crib, you know

58
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:49,150
and we watch a little movie,
we just chill.

59
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,250
Will, what's the difference?

60
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,050
If you don't go out with me,
you're gonna go out

61
00:02:52,069 --> 00:02:53,270
with her or her or her.

62
00:02:56,150 --> 00:03:02,090
Wait, Val, Val,
I'm hurt, you know.

63
00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:07,069
Now, come on, I mean,
a guy can lie with his lips

64
00:03:07,090 --> 00:03:08,280
but he can't lie with his eyes.

65
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,180
Will, I will go out with you.

66
00:03:17,199 --> 00:03:20,139
But it's not because of those
ooh-ooh eyes you just gave me.

67
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,099
It's because I got
no place else to go.

68
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:26,199
Oh, hey, baby, you know what, I
knew you was gonna come around.

69
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:28,199
So tell you what, why don't
y'all roll past the crib

70
00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:30,000
you know, around 8:00?

71
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,210
Give me enough time
to pad the headboard.

72
00:03:33,229 --> 00:03:36,189
Alright, I'm kiddin',
you're sensitive, baby.

73
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:37,270
- I'll see you tonight, alright?
- Yeah.

74
00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:40,139
I must really be desperate.

75
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:43,099
I can't wait either, baby. Mm.

76
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:47,150
Oh, hey, Carlton,
you up for a blind date?

77
00:03:47,170 --> 00:03:50,280
Will, everyone knows that
blind dates are usually dogs.

78
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,099
Oh, please, I seen you out
with plenty of women

79
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,159
who looked like they had
a little Chihuahua in them.

80
00:03:57,219 --> 00:04:00,129
If you're referring to Conchita,
I don't see her anymore.

81
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,219
[instrumental music]

82
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,090
You missed a spot.

83
00:04:10,169 --> 00:04:12,069
Thank you, Ms. Hilary.

84
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,169
You know, this housework
stuff's kind of fun.

85
00:04:16,259 --> 00:04:18,019
There's another one.

86
00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:22,069
What's so important,
you had to page me

87
00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,220
during a high-speed chase?

88
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,149
Hey, hey, Jazz,
I need you to come on

89
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:28,170
a double date with me, man.

90
00:04:28,189 --> 00:04:31,170
Since I married Jewel,
I'm a changed man.

91
00:04:31,189 --> 00:04:33,090
Unless the double date's
with Hilary.

92
00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:37,040
Hey, brown sugar.

93
00:04:39,159 --> 00:04:42,000
[helicopter whirring]

94
00:04:45,149 --> 00:04:47,199
- I gotta go.
- Wait, Jazz.

95
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:58,250
Hey, Carlton,
about that double date, man.

96
00:04:58,269 --> 00:05:01,009
So you couldn't find
anybody else?

97
00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:03,149
I guess I'm your only friend,
how pathetic.

98
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,009
- You know what? Never mind.
- Okay, okay.

99
00:05:07,029 --> 00:05:08,259
Stop groveling, Will,
I'll do it.

100
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,139
Sweetheart,
I'm gonna go get the car.

101
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,199
Why don't you look over that
manual one more time, huh?

102
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,120
Okay.

103
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,129
- What's going on?
- Oh, I'm so excited.

104
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,060
I just got my permit so I'm
gonna go driving with daddy.

105
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,089
Ashley, stop. U-turn, go back.

106
00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:26,269
You're going the wrong way,
you're going the wrong way.

107
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:29,000
Come on, Will,
he can't be that bad.

108
00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:31,129
Ashley, daddy's fine
when he's driving.

109
00:05:31,149 --> 00:05:34,019
When he's in the passenger seat,
he turns ugly.

110
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,290
"You're going too fast.
You're going too slow."

111
00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:37,149
"Take a left. Take a right."

112
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,269
"I don't care how pretty she is

113
00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:40,199
you can't drive
on the sidewalk."

114
00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:44,100
Look, Ashley,
get out while you can.

115
00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:49,050
Whoop, too late.

116
00:05:49,069 --> 00:05:50,189
Are you all set, sweetheart?

117
00:05:50,209 --> 00:05:53,079
Uh, daddy, I don't know
about this driving thing.

118
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:56,079
Oh, well, darling, it's natural
to be nervous the first time

119
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,220
so if you don't feel
you're ready for this

120
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,050
it's okay, I'll understand.

121
00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:00,189
See ya.

122
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,240
What's wrong with her?

123
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,180
I don't know,
it had nothing to do with me.

124
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,050
- I think she was drinking.
- I wasn't around.

125
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,199
[instrumental music]

126
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:23,180
♪ Would you like to ride
in my beautiful balloon? ♪

127
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:28,259
♪ Would you like to ride
in my beautiful balloon? ♪

128
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,209
♪ We could float among
the stars togeth.. ♪♪

129
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:37,290
What the hell are you doing?

130
00:06:38,009 --> 00:06:40,149
I'm just setting
the mood for our date.

131
00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:41,220
No, I don't think you
understand.

132
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,110
See, this is my date.

133
00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:44,279
So, you're just here running
interference

134
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,009
while I get my mack on.

135
00:06:46,029 --> 00:06:47,209
[doorbell rings]

136
00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:49,120
Alright, now, that's them,
you just stand over there

137
00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,290
and try to look cool.

138
00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:57,209
Excuse me, Superboy?

139
00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:01,269
Scratch the cool, you just
chill a little bit, alright?

140
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:08,069
Mm. God bless America.

141
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:11,199
Will, this is my cousin, Karen.

142
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:14,199
Which one of these losers
is my date?

143
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:17,160
That would be me.

144
00:07:17,180 --> 00:07:19,259
Uh, this is my cousin, Carlton.

145
00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:21,100
Where's the rest of him?

146
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,290
Oh, I may be short,
but you know what they say

147
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:28,209
about short men and tall
women, don't you?

148
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:30,149
No, what?

149
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:32,079
I don't know,
just making conversation.

150
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,100
Well, this is a cool place
you have here.

151
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,019
Yeah, uh, hey,
you haven't seen the best part.

152
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,100
Uh, wait until
you see the hot tub.

153
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,290
- Will.
- Oh, no. Girl, you just dirty.

154
00:07:45,009 --> 00:07:48,029
No, it's strictly for
therapeutic purposes, you know.

155
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,269
See, 'cause I-I got this
crick
in my neck

156
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:51,090
right here that's been
really killing me.

157
00:07:51,110 --> 00:07:53,040
Let me help you out
with that, cuz.

158
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:57,060
We do this all the time.

159
00:07:59,069 --> 00:08:00,230
Carlton, get off me.

160
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:03,029
Get off, get off me!

161
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,149
Ow!

162
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,139
Hey, hey, who's up for a video?

163
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,009
A video? Pfft, hey.

164
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,089
No, this is
"Nine And A Half Weeks."

165
00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:22,240
- That is a sex movie.
- Really?

166
00:08:22,259 --> 00:08:25,170
I thought it was a documentary
about Vanilla Ice's career.

167
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,050
Hey, why don't we check out
my video collection?

168
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:38,139
(kid on TV)
'Pa, I think Old Yeller's sick.'

169
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:42,289
Oh.

170
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:44,200
Are you crying?

171
00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:49,100
Um, no, I think
I've got something in my eye.

172
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,000
It's okay, Carlton, this movie
always gets to me too.

173
00:08:52,019 --> 00:08:54,110
Don't be afraid
to show your feelings.

174
00:08:56,250 --> 00:09:01,100
Well, you-you know,
sometimes
I-I be at the crib alone

175
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,110
and I just be crying
for nothin'.

176
00:09:06,009 --> 00:09:07,070
What a punk!

177
00:09:10,169 --> 00:09:12,029
Is that a cigarette?

178
00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:15,049
[coughs]

179
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,190
That is a cigarette.

180
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,200
You know,
in case you haven't heard

181
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:22,049
tar and nicotine
are damaging to your lungs.

182
00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:25,000
It isn't just a rumor,
it will give you a tumor.

183
00:09:26,259 --> 00:09:28,250
Thank you.

184
00:09:28,269 --> 00:09:31,019
I'm gonna go outside
and fire up a butt.

185
00:09:33,129 --> 00:09:35,220
Wow, that sounds like fun.

186
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,230
Huh?

187
00:09:41,269 --> 00:09:43,200
Is that crick in your neck
bothering you again?

188
00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:46,129
- Let me get that for you.
- No, no, no.

189
00:10:01,179 --> 00:10:03,110
[both laugh]

190
00:10:03,129 --> 00:10:05,149
Alright.

191
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,090
I think he wants you to leave.

192
00:10:12,139 --> 00:10:15,190
I don't want her to leave,
I want you to leave, Carlton.

193
00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:18,159
Will, I'm trying to watch the
movie, if you're not interested

194
00:10:18,179 --> 00:10:20,179
why don't you go
for a walk or something?

195
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:26,269
Fine.

196
00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:29,120
Oh.

197
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:31,169
And they shoot the damn dog.

198
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:35,220
Oh.

199
00:10:37,049 --> 00:10:39,179
I cannot believe you and
Will
are related.

200
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:43,000
- You're so different.
- Like you and your cousin.

201
00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,230
Yeah, well, thanks
for putting up with her.

202
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,179
You know, most men
find Karen kind of--

203
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,289
Scary.

204
00:10:49,259 --> 00:10:51,019
Sort of.

205
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:53,190
But you were
a total gentleman, Carlton

206
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:55,159
and that's really hard
to find these days.

207
00:10:58,059 --> 00:11:01,090
- What was that for?
- Well, that was for Karen.

208
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,250
And this, this is for me.

209
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:27,169
[instrumental music]

210
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,149
[telephone rings]

211
00:11:33,169 --> 00:11:35,289
Hello.

212
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:39,230
No, this ain't Carlton,
this is Will.

213
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:43,149
Oh, Valerie...yeah,
yeah, you know what?

214
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,200
I got some choice words
for you too, girl.

215
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:47,049
How you gonna j..

216
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,240
Hello?

217
00:11:48,259 --> 00:11:50,289
[screams]

218
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:52,230
Man, I could kill that Carlton.

219
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,100
Master William..

220
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,129
...if you're serious,
I could make a call.

221
00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:05,070
I was just kiddin', G.

222
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,169
Me too.

223
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:12,000
Hey, Will, wanna play catch?

224
00:12:12,019 --> 00:12:15,190
Uh, I'm sorry, Nicky, not now,
man, I'm not in the mood.

225
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:19,250
Carlton won't play with me,
either. What's going' on?

226
00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:22,029
Well, we're kind of
havin' problems.

227
00:12:22,049 --> 00:12:25,149
Maybe you should talk
to somebody.

228
00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:28,159
You're right. Look, Nicky, it's
like this, man, we always make--

229
00:12:28,179 --> 00:12:30,289
Not me, I'm just a kid.

230
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:34,059
Why don't you tell him?

231
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:38,019
Will, are you going to finally
let me explain what happened?

232
00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,149
Ah, shh.

233
00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:44,009
Don't talk to me.

234
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:46,149
Will, for once in your life
be reasonable.

235
00:12:46,169 --> 00:12:49,019
Can't we just
discuss this like grownups?

236
00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,200
Yeah, call me when you grow.

237
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,070
Okay, Ashley, you ready?

238
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,210
- What are you doing?
- Driving lessons.

239
00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:59,200
Lesson number one, use a car.

240
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,009
Hilary, Nicky's right,
can we just get in the car?

241
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:09,029
I don't think you're ready
to get behind the wheel yet.

242
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,179
Now, put the car in gear

243
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,210
and pull cautiously away
from the curb.

244
00:13:17,049 --> 00:13:18,289
Ashley.

245
00:13:19,009 --> 00:13:21,080
- What?
- You're in neutral.

246
00:13:25,039 --> 00:13:28,259
Okay, we're driving down Sunset.

247
00:13:28,279 --> 00:13:30,190
Ooh, cute boy, 3 o'clock.

248
00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:34,210
Keep your eyes on the road.

249
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,080
- Hilary.
- Now, take a left on Rodeo.

250
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,080
Remember to signal.

251
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:42,279
Oh, look, there's Bruce
and Demi, hi.

252
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,279
Yuck, what is she wearing?

253
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,220
Hilary, this is beyond
stupid.

254
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,090
Use your imagination.
You're doing great.

255
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:55,120
We're driving.

256
00:13:57,009 --> 00:13:58,169
We're driving.

257
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:01,190
- Stop.
- What?

258
00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,009
Cartier's having a sale.
Pick me up in an hour.

259
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,190
- Where are you going?
- To get a bus schedule.

260
00:14:15,049 --> 00:14:16,250
Can't we just talk about
this?

261
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:18,139
Listen, I don't wanna
talk about nothin'.

262
00:14:18,159 --> 00:14:20,240
I just wanna watch the game
and forget it, okay?

263
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,009
Fine with me.

264
00:14:26,059 --> 00:14:28,090
Careful with that drumstick,
Uncle Phil.

265
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:30,210
Turn your back on it, Carlton's
liable to start eatin' and say

266
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:32,169
"Oops, dad, it just
jumped in my mouth."

267
00:14:35,110 --> 00:14:36,240
Or maybe that
wouldn't happen if you

268
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:38,080
treated the drumstick
like a person

269
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,000
instead of a piece of meat.

270
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,259
You know what, Carlton?

271
00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:46,000
You ain't nothin' but a dog.

272
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,110
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're an acrimonious

273
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:51,080
rancorous, virulent coveter.

274
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,100
Oh, yeah?

275
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,259
Well, you ain't nothin'
but a dog.

276
00:14:54,279 --> 00:14:56,149
Alright, alright.

277
00:14:56,169 --> 00:14:57,240
That's enough.

278
00:14:57,259 --> 00:14:59,289
Look, why don't I
tell you guys a story?

279
00:15:00,009 --> 00:15:01,210
Now look what you done.

280
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:04,240
I like dad's stories.

281
00:15:04,259 --> 00:15:07,000
A-and some day,
I'm gonna tell my kids

282
00:15:07,019 --> 00:15:08,269
these same pointless anecdotes.

283
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,279
Go ahead, dad.

284
00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:16,289
Alright, well,
when I was growing up

285
00:15:17,009 --> 00:15:20,049
my best friend lived in the next
apartment, his name was Ralph.

286
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:23,139
And one day, after 18 years
of friendship, we had a fight.

287
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:26,090
Well, I went to college
and he joined the navy.

288
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:28,220
Five years ago, I went
to our high school reunion.

289
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,159
I was determined
to bury the hatchet.

290
00:15:31,179 --> 00:15:33,259
But Ralph didn't show up.

291
00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:37,019
I found out that he died
the month before.

292
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:40,120
Well, I never had a chance
to make peace with him.

293
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:44,090
What's even worse, I can't even
remember what we fought about.

294
00:15:46,139 --> 00:15:47,279
You kids should think
about that.

295
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,149
Hold up a second there, Aesop.

296
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:56,220
W-w-what's this apartment stuff?
I thought you grew up on a farm.

297
00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,190
Well, in the South, farm and
apartment are interchangeable.

298
00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:03,179
Uh-uh, five years ago?

299
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,179
Since when do they have reunions
for your 22nd year?

300
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,009
Yeah, man, and how
all of a sudden--

301
00:16:09,029 --> 00:16:12,080
O-okay, okay, okay,
I made it up, alright? Pfft.

302
00:16:14,049 --> 00:16:18,259
[scoffs]
I guess lying just run
all through this family,
huh?

303
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:22,289
I'm not lying, you nefarious,
degenerate miscreant.

304
00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:27,090
Oh, like I'm supposed
to believe that, you big dog.

305
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:29,250
[instrumental music]

306
00:16:35,259 --> 00:16:37,279
Did you put superglue
in my hair gel?

307
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:43,070
Hey, that's what you get
for stealin' my girl.

308
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,080
I didn't have to steal her,
she was bored with you

309
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,210
so she came to me, a real man.

310
00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:51,289
Oh, so, what you saying,
I'm not a real man?

311
00:16:52,009 --> 00:16:54,139
Yeah, you got it, now the thing
you should know that all that

312
00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:59,019
"Yo, yo, hey, baby, bap, bap,
bap" stuff is just played out.

313
00:16:59,039 --> 00:17:02,129
It worked in high school,
but now it's just embarrassing.

314
00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:04,170
So I'm the embarrassment now?

315
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,130
Take it easy, stumpy.

316
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,049
And you know something else? I'm
tired of all those short jokes.

317
00:17:11,069 --> 00:17:13,230
I'm average height.

318
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:14,269
For a woman.

319
00:17:16,259 --> 00:17:18,259
I'm large enough for Valerie.

320
00:17:25,029 --> 00:17:27,140
You wants to go there, huh?

321
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,240
You know what? I'm sick of this.

322
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,240
Let's go, let's go right
now.

323
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,150
I'm sick of this,
I'm sick of this.

324
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:34,259
Come on, come on,
is this what you want?

325
00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:37,039
Well, come on, come on,
let's go, come on.

326
00:17:37,059 --> 00:17:38,170
What, what, what you want to do?

327
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,119
Pfft, like that hurt.

328
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:50,039
Will. Will, are you okay?

329
00:17:50,059 --> 00:17:53,089
Will, wake up.
Will, come on.

330
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,230
[grunts]

331
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:18,099
Damn, still alive.

332
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,019
You know what keeps me going?

333
00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:22,059
The thought of dancing
on your grave.

334
00:18:22,079 --> 00:18:23,210
You wanna dance on my grave?

335
00:18:23,230 --> 00:18:25,099
[indistinct chatter]

336
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,269
Come, Mr. Smith,
it's time for your sponge bath.

337
00:18:27,289 --> 00:18:32,079
Oh, hey, good thing too,
because I'm feeling dirty.

338
00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:36,250
- Tootsie roll.
- Oh. Oh, my leg, my leg.

339
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,170
Aw, come on, girl,
you gonna fall for that?

340
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:44,059
What about my sponge bath?

341
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,230
I'll let you shave me.

342
00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:49,180
Let me take care
of Mr. Banks first.

343
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,019
Oh. I get it.

344
00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:55,019
First you steal my girl

345
00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:57,029
and now you're gonna
steal my nurse.

346
00:18:57,049 --> 00:19:00,009
You old prune, I ought
to knock your teeth out.

347
00:19:00,029 --> 00:19:02,230
Go ahead, they're in the glass
next to my bed.

348
00:19:05,049 --> 00:19:07,130
Is that what you want? Aw.

349
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:09,230
Got to go back to
the ghetto on you now.

350
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,160
[yells]

351
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,160
You're trying to kill me.

352
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:23,289
[groaning]

353
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:32,089
- Will.
- You alright?

354
00:19:32,109 --> 00:19:34,240
- Come closer.
- You alright?

355
00:19:34,259 --> 00:19:38,119
I'm feeling the life
being sucked out of me.

356
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:45,029
Before I die, I just want
you to know that I, I hate you.

357
00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:47,009
[laughing]

358
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:52,250
Carlton, wake up.

359
00:19:55,099 --> 00:19:57,119
Carlton.

360
00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:00,099
I never got to tell you,
I'm sorry.

361
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,130
[crying]

362
00:20:09,019 --> 00:20:10,220
Why, Carlton?

363
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:15,150
Will, hold your head back,
it'll stop the bleeding.

364
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,170
Thank you, Carlton,
I think you've helped enough.

365
00:20:32,099 --> 00:20:34,089
Dad, I guess you're
wondering
what happened.

366
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:36,250
What's to wonder?

367
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:41,109
I have a nephew
with a possibly broken nose.

368
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,109
And I don't wanna even know
why your damn hands

369
00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:45,210
are stuck to your head
like that.

370
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:47,240
What I do know
is that I want both of you

371
00:20:47,259 --> 00:20:50,180
to settle this thing or I will.

372
00:20:53,130 --> 00:20:55,210
- You got it, dad.
- You got it, no problem.

373
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:57,000
- We can handle it.
- It's already done.

374
00:20:57,019 --> 00:20:58,210
We can handle it,
just go on.

375
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:06,259
Look, Carlton, um..

376
00:21:06,279 --> 00:21:09,150
...I was doin' a lot of thinking
while I was unconscious.

377
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,019
We-we-we're cousins, man.

378
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,109
We-we've been together
long enough.

379
00:21:15,130 --> 00:21:17,079
I should know that
you would never do to me

380
00:21:17,099 --> 00:21:19,009
the kind of things
that I would do to you.

381
00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:22,130
That's sweet, Will.

382
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,220
I'm sorry for saying
all those things

383
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,140
and for punching
your lights out.

384
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,180
Yeah, anyway
it was a lucky shot.

385
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,250
I hit you pretty square, Will.

386
00:21:32,269 --> 00:21:34,119
Look, the important thing
is that

387
00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:36,089
we get beyond that
lucky punch.

388
00:21:38,069 --> 00:21:39,220
We're family, man.

389
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,029
We shouldn't be fighting
like this.

390
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:44,019
We should be helping each other.

391
00:21:44,039 --> 00:21:47,089
Hey, put her there.

392
00:21:47,109 --> 00:21:48,190
Will.

393
00:21:51,029 --> 00:21:52,230
You're right, man.
I'm sorry about the hair.

394
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:54,059
Let me help you.

395
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,109
[ripping]

396
00:21:55,130 --> 00:21:57,200
[Carlton screaming]

397
00:21:59,140 --> 00:22:02,180
[instrumental music]

398
00:22:06,099 --> 00:22:07,279
♪ Yeah ♪

399
00:22:10,279 --> 00:22:12,150
♪ Yeah ♪

400
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,059
♪ Yeah ♪

401
00:22:20,029 --> 00:22:21,210
♪ Yeah ♪

402
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:26,160
♪ Yeah ♪

403
00:22:29,109 --> 00:22:31,019
♪ Yeah ♪