- Good morning, daddy. - Ah, morning, sweetheart.
Look, I was thinking, you know, this week, maybe we could, uh
get in a game of tennis at the club and maybe do lunch?
- You and me? - Yeah.
Oh, good one, daddy.
Hi, kids.
Uh-oh. Needy father alert.
Hey-hey. Hold it. Hold it. Now, what is that supposed to mean?
Come on, dad, every time mom goes away
you start wanting to do things with us.
It's not fair!
So, what are you kids saying?
What we're saying is, here's $10.
Go to the movies. Run!
Hey! Hey! Come on now! You Mr. Smarty..
Hi, Will, you want to go to a movie?
Sure would, Uncle Phil. Thanks a lot. I appreciate that.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started making trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ She said you're movin' with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪
♪ Yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[dramatic music]
Dad?
Hello?
I think we lost him.
Dad's pretty quick for a big guy.
I mean, he kept up with the car for a whole block.
He couldn't help it. He got his coat stuck in the door.
Wow, Will, clean clothes.
What, is your probation officer stopping by?
[screams]
No, my buddy, Keith, is coming out from Philly.
I'm going to show him around.
Great, he can hang out with dad.
Well, actually, you know, Keith is a comic.
He going to be large, too.
He's coming out here, there's a big showcase at a standup club.
Yeah, well, I think I speak for all of us when I say, "So what?"
And I think I speak for myself
when I say, "Uncle Phil, they in here!"
Alright, who pushed me?
- It was Ashley. - No, it wasn't.
Well, now, you look.
Now, all I want to do is spend some quality time with my family
and running alongside a car is not what I had in mind.
- Uncle Phil-- - What?
Well, see, I was wondering
since I'm not part of the immediate family
I was wondering if I was immune--
Sit down, Will.
I'm gonna sit down right here
in the non-immediate family section of the living room.
And I'm gonna shut up on my way down. Watch.
Now, you listen, and you listen good.
We are a family.
I know this because I pay the bills.
So, we are going to start spending time together.
Lots of time.
Lucky us.
We are going to start acting more like a family.
Do I make myself clear?
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer!
From now on, we're going to start eating together
and, and laughing together, and, and..
And I'll think of a few more things
as soon as I finish watching those "Cosby" reruns.
Master William
there's a young gentleman at the door
who thought you might find this funny.
[laughing]
I love my work.
Excuse me, I need to call my therapist.
[laughing]
[both cheering]
How are you doing, man? You ain't got to hit me like that.
Will, Will, Will, aren't you going
to introduce us to your company?
Oh, yeah, Uncle Phil.
This is my buddy Keith from Philly
and this is my Uncle Phil.
How are you doing, Mr. Banks? Nice to meet you.
This is my cousin Ashley
that's Hilary and that's Carlton.
How you guys doing?
Hey, Mr. Banks, I want to tell you
I appreciate you letting me stay here for the weekend.
- That was really great of you. - Excuse me?
Whoa, whoa, Uncle Phil.
I ain't had an opportunity to, uh, to enlighten you
on what's going on here, but..
Look, Uncle Phil, please, if you let Keith stay here
I-I promise I'll stop making them 976 calls
on your car phone.
Okay, um, if you let him stay
I'll take you to Chuck E. Cheese and I'll tell the head rat
it's your birthday.
I'll go to an out-of-state college.
Keith, my boy, welcome.
Here, check it out, man.
I got the new hip joint for you to see.
Damn, man, what is this?
Uh, it's the interactive network TV.
[chuckles] Sound like what black people buy
when they got too much time on their hands.
- Here, come on, push a player. - Alright.
- Uh-oh. Look what's happening. - Come on, man.
- Aikman hands off to Emmitt. - Man, come on.
- Look! - You can do better than that.
Touchdown! Ah! Who's the man? Who's the man?
Man, come on, the game ain't even over yet.
Oh, please, you never could take it
when I bust your butt at something.
'Cause you never beat me.
Oh, you must be getting old, baby, your mind going.
Let me refresh your memory.
From the time we was in kindergarten, every thing we did
I always beat you like you stole something.
Kind of like you just beat me now, huh?
Oh, man, I don't care about this game.
I'm going up to my room, get ready for my big act tomorrow.
Oh. All you got to do is stand up there
and tell a couple jokes.
Telling jokes, see, that's what your drunk Uncle Lou
do at weddings.
Me, I'm a professional.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, hold up.
First of all, Uncle Lou is not a drunk, okay?
He has an inner ear problem.
That's why he always be sliding out of his chair.
And, second of all, anybody can get up on a stage
and tell a couple jokes.
Why you go and say something silly like that?
There's a craft to this, man. I take this real seriously.
Oh, please. Look, I been funny all my life.
All your life you just been funny-looking.
I mean, look at them big old ears.
Lean over that way and tell me what's going on in Somalia.
Well, uh, if I couldn't find my way to Somalia
I could follow that big map on your head.
Look at them big teeth, all big and spaced out.
What you floss with, a jump rope?
Wait a minute, was that a professional joke?
- You're damn right. - Yes, it was.
I think you going to have to pay me to laugh at that one, bro.
You think you can do better than that?
- Well, show me, do something. - Alright.
Hey, G, G, check it out. Can we talk to you for a second?
I'm off duty. You can talk, but I don't have to listen.
Alright, check it out, check it out. Is this funny or not?
Two gorillas go into a bar, right?
Not.
Alright. Hey, Will, thanks for the ride.
You don't have to hang around, though.
Oh, no, I'm cool, man.
Mm. Mm-mm.
Well, you go be funny, I'm gonna go nab me a honey.
Keith, glad you could make the audition.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Hey, girl, you look so good
I'd marry your brother just to get in your family.
Yo, man, you see that?
That's called the l-want-Will walk.
Yo, yo, Keith, come here, man. Come here.
- Do the chivalry joint. - Man, come on.
You know I'm trying to concentrate.
D-d-do the chivalry joint, man.
- Man, come on! - Ah-do-do.
Alright.
Hey, girl!
Why don't you stand up and wrap your arms
around a real man?
Okay, well, check it out, check it out, check it out.
I got four words for you.
Ho-li-day Inn.
Come on, girl, you know you want to.
Excuse me, miss
is this abrasive Negro bothering you?
Yes, as a matter of fact, he is.
Allow me.
Now, you look here, buddy.
You have no business bothering this sweet young lady.
Now you apologize, and don't make me take off my belt!
Okay, not.. Not the belt, man. I'll be cool.
Alright, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Now, you get out of her face, now!
Look, um, miss, I'd just like to apologize
on behalf of my gender
for his rude behavior.
That's okay.
No, it's not. He-he had no reason to act like that.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Look, um, could I call you sometime?
Yeah.
- Call me. - Thank you.
You.
- Me? - You a comic?
I don't know you.
Oh, yeah, I'm known all over this town. I'm Shecky.
Shecky Shabazz.
You're funny, Shecky.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm not here for the audition.
You don't have to. What I saw was good enough.
You're in the showcase. You're on at 8:15.
Yabba dabba do, I'm in the showcase, too!
[laughs]
- Here you go, big guy. - Thank you, son.
[sighs]
Hilary, sweetheart. How was work today, darling?
It was great, dad. Thanks for asking.
[sighs] It's wonderful spending time with one's family.
- Daddy. - 'Yes, dearest?'
I'm feeling nauseous.
I am, too. Let's take a break, kids.
I think we can forget about those Chinese checkers
after the sing-along.
(Ashley) 'Great.'
But the sing-along's still on, right?
Ow! You're hurting my arms!
- 'Keith.' - Oh, hi, Mr. Banks.
- Are you alright, son? - Oh, yeah, I-I'm fine.
Look, I, uh, I just want to say that it's a pleasure
to finally meet one of Will's friends
who has his head on straight.
You have been a very positive influence on him, son.
Thank you, sir.
You know, I used to think so, too.
Hey, Uncle Phil
you know how you've been staying on me
to make some decisions in my life?
Yeah.
Well, hanging with Keith, I've decided what I want to do.
Oh. Oh, great. What is it?
Well, I want to do something that makes a difference
and makes people feel good.
That's wonderful.
I want to be a comedian!
Uncle Phil, I don't think "comedian" is a bad word.
It is in this house.
I just spent thousands of dollars
sending you to a topnotch prep school.
Maybe I should have just sent you to Camp Funnypants.
Look, I bet Sinbad's parents supported him
when he wanted to be a comedian.
They named him Sinbad!
He had two options, pirate or comic!
Look, Uncle Phil, I know it's a shock
but think of all the money you'll save
by not sending me to college.
There is no future in it, Will.
Come on, Uncle Phil, can I help it
that I'm this incredibly handsome
incredibly talented guy with star quality?
Uncle Phil, this thing is bigger than both of us.
Sort of.
I just want you to go to college, that's all.
Uncle Phil, and I will if this doesn't work.
But come on, you got to let me take my shots in life.
You really want this badly, huh, son?
Yes, I do.
And you actually think you can make a success of it?
Yes, sir, I do.
Well...son, I..
...guess there's only one thing for me to do.
I'm going to nail your behind to the floor.
And if I catch you anywhere near a comedy club
I'm going to break every funny bone in your body!
Do I make myself perfectly clear?
Perfectly.
Yo, Keith, man, what's up?
What's up? That's what I've been trying to figure out.
I thought you was my boy.
I am. What are you talking about?
No, you're not.
Not after what you pulled today at the audition.
What, are you mad at me that I got in the showcase?
Wha.. I mean, I just walked in and the lady gave it to me.
I wasn't going for it.
Yeah, but I was.
And, you got it. So what's your beef?
You don't get this, huh?
I worked my butt off to get here, man.
You know how many clubs I got booed out of?
How many dives I had to play till I got a routine
that finally worked for me?
This ain't nothing but a joke to you.
To me, this is serious.
So, what, you asking me to back out?
No, I'm asking you to just show me some respect.
Respect?
I walk through the door and before my butt hit the chair
the lady was giving me a job.
You could learn something from me.
Oh, really?
Well, I'll be off-stage taking notes tomorrow night, okay?
Yeah, you better bring a big pad.
We'll be right back in five minutes
with another hot comic.
[applause]
Oh, well, I guess I'm up next, guys.
Oh, Will, I took the liberty
of writing out a few humorous barbs
that you might find useful.
Listen and laugh.
Did you hear what the snail said
when he rode on the back of the turtle?
No, Carlton, what?
Whee!
Now, you should use that one for your big finish.
No, maybe you should try this one.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
I know I'm going to regret this, but why?
Chicken's day off.
Eat your heart out, Rodney Dangerfield.
Hey, I'm giving you gold here.
See, Carlton, this is why people trip you in the halls.
Don't be proud, Will. Take it. You'll thank me later.
Carlton, I'm going to be hilarious.
And when I get done with Keith, the only job opportunity
he's going to have is putting lids on Slurpees.
Ladies and gentlemen
please put your hands together for our next comedian
from Philadelphia, PA
give it up for Will Smith.
[cheering]
What's up?
Hey, how y'all doing out there?
Hey, I'm, I'm a little tired, though, you know.
I-I had a rough date last night.
I went out with this girl who ain't have no arms.
I took her to "The Arsenio Hall Show," and she was like
"Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo."
Well, that's cool. Check it out, check it out, check it out.
I should be mad at my Cousin Carlton, though
'cause he set me up with her.
But, uh, he ain't no prize hisself.
He kind of look like a miniature Bryant Gumbel on a bad hair day.
'That's cool, check it out. Um..'
But actually, my-my Cousin Carlton
he don't have no problem buying clothes
'cause he-he's so short
he just rips them off his G.I. Joe doll
and wears 'em right out of the box.
[laughing]
Will's really bombing up there. We should do something.
Good idea.
Boo! Get off the stage!
We want our money back! Go back where you came from!
[audience booing]
What's up? What's up? Whoa!
Hey, guys, what's up?
Give me that before you hurt yourself.
Give Will Smith a big round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.
Come on, y'all can do better than that.
'Give him a big round of applause.'
He'll be back, just not in here.
[audience laughing]
I hope you're funnier than the last guy.
I know I ain't getting heckled by no Jheri curl.
[laughing]
And you got the nerve to be smoking, too?
What you trying to do, kill us all?
You know, I ain't going to bother no Jheri curl
'cause I know that plastic bag
makes so much noise at night, you're always irritable, huh?
Crumple, crumple. "I cannot sleep!"
Maybe I better speak to you in your language.
Drip, drip, drip, drip. Drip, drip, drip..
[laughing]
I'm new in L.A.
I know there's things you can't do. You can't wear colors.
Can't wear red. One gang will beat you up.
Can't wear blue. Other gang will beat you up.
Last night, I thought I was slick and put on plaid.
Two golfers beat the hell out of me, y'all.
And everybody in L.A. got a car phone.
Don't matter how messed up the car.
Sometime the phone is the best thing on the car.
You could tell the car raggedy.
Every time the phone ring, the car just cut off.
"Girl, I'm glad you called. I need a jump.
"Stop calling me or I'll never get home."
But I do this 'cause I want to be rich.
I don't want to be rich for the petty reasons
that many of you do.
I want to be rich so I can sleep late.
'Cause when you're broke, you know you got to get up at 6:00
in the morning.
Sometimes you accidentally wake up at 3:00.
"Oh, oh, oh! Am I late?"
And black people set their alarm clock 30 minutes early
so they can hit that snooze button three times.
Bump. "That was a drill.
"I'm going to get it right next time."
[laughing]
And now they're saying there's a recession.
See, black folks, we didn't know there was a recession
'cause we been broke since the day before forever.
You know, black folks found a way to get around being broke
'cause we'll put some stuff on layaway, won't we?
And leave it for a long time.
I know brothers still got bell-bottoms on layaway.
You ever left stuff on layaway so long
you don't even recognize it when you get back?
"Damn, when did I get an eight-track tape player?
"It's paid for now."
We do, man. And white folks, you see them
in the unemployment office all the time.
"$210 a week? How the hell am I going to live on $210 a week?"
A brother be right behind him. "$210 a week? For nothing?
"Baby, get the kids. We done come up."
It's basic differences. They just are.
Like black parents are different than white parents.
No better, no worse, just different.
Saw a movie called "Poltergeist."
In the movie, a little white child trapped in a TV set.
Start crying, "Oh, my God! Carol Anne's in the TV.
"What are we going to do?"
You know, had that been a black mother
she'd have been proud.
Pick up the phone, call her best friend
"Girl, turn to Channel 2.
[applause]
"My baby's on TV!"
'But white people, I love you guys.'
Y'all get to do stuff we don't get to do.
White people get to die and come back.
Elvis been dead 15 years. People still seeing this brother.
When a black man is gone, he's just gone.
You don't see brothers talking about
"Man, I just saw Marvin Gaye!
"He was at the mall!"
"How do you know?" "I heard it through the grapevine."
You guys have been great. Thank you very much.
[applause]
Give it up for Keith Campbell.
[sighs]
- Hey. Good morning, Uncle Phil. - Morning, Will.
I hear your friend Keith really blew them away last night
at the standup club.
Oh, man, you should have seen how he handled them hecklers.
Oh, I mean, I mean, um, how I heard somewhere
that he handled the-the hecklers.
[chuckling] Don't worry, Will.
I know you were there and I'm not going to kill you.
Because I heard you already died a pretty horrible death.
Yo, it was nasty, Uncle Phil.
[chuckles] I guess I ain't as funny as I thought.
I could have told you that.
Ain't nothing you do funny to me.
Oh, that's pretty cold, Uncle Phil.
Yeah, well, so is the world
if you don't have an education and a good job.
Alright, I mean, I learned my lesson, Uncle Phil, but come on.
L-look, I'm funny. Alright, here.
Check it out, check it out, check it out.
Knock, knock.
- Who's there? - Amy Fisher.
- Amy-- - Bang!
Yo, yo, yo.
Hey, I'm on my way to the airport
but thank you guys for all your hospitality.
I appreciate that.
Everybody, except for you, Geoffrey.
You don't think I'm funny, do you?
For a tip I might.
Okay, well, I got a tip for you. Tails is out.
[laughs]
So are you. There's the door.
[cackling]
Now, that's funny!
And everybody in L.A. is a vegetarian. What is this?
"I don't eat red meat. I don't eat pork."
You know, it's cool to have a baked potato
or a salad every once in a while
but at a certain level of hungry
'I need something dead on my plate'
something that used to have horns and hoofs.
And they put parsley on black people's plates. Oh.
I asked the waiter, said, "Man
"why you putting parsley on my plate?" Oh.
He said, "It's a decoration, it make your plate look pretty."
I'm like, "Yo, man, wouldn't an extra shrimp
"make my plate look even better?"