Yo. When is G gettin' back? I'm starving.
Don't worry, Will, I made breakfast.
Oh, damn, I'm full. Couldn't eat another bite.
Come on, Will, I know what I'm doing.
Remember, I was a professional caterer.
And you still would be, if you hadn't poisoned those nuns.
Hey, the autopsy was inconclusive.
Bon appetite!
Come on, let's give her a chance.
Mm, these eggs aren't bad.
[crunching]
What's the crunchy stuff?
Oh, great, you found my contact.
Uhh!
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪I'll tell you how I became the Prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel Air ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ In west Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Then who's the guy in the toga?
Ah. Oh, that's Bill Rheingold.
He's the president of Ametrex Oil.
And the guy with his head in the toilet?
[laughs]
That's Ben Winter, he's a great heart surgeon.
And the guy getting slapped by the girl?
Oh, that's Clarence Thomas.
Hey, what's going on, guys?
Oh, you're lookin' at your old
Princeton fraternity pictures, huh?
Will, please.
Princeton doesn't have fraternities.
They have dining clubs.
Where the leaders of tomorrow break bread
and plan the future.
Ah, that's right, son.
My dining club's what made me the man I am today.
Nah, th-that's too easy.
And since you're my son
you're guaranteed my seat in the club I joined.
Uh. If you don't know which seat is his.
It will be the one with the legs bent out up from under it.
Oh, come on, I gave you a free one earlier.
Carlton.
What I'm about to do is strictly forbidden
but since you're going to Princeton
I'm going to teach you my club's secret handshake.
Turn around, Will.
You got to be facin' somebody's butt
to do this handshake?
It's a secret.
I don't see what the big deal is about Princeton anyway.
Simple, they're interviewing at Bel Air prep this week.
They're lookin' for a few good men.
Oh, darn, Carlton.
If they was lookin' for a few good pygmies
you'd have been a shoo-in.
Face it, ghetto goof, there's no one at Bel Air prep
that comes close to having my grades
or my willingness to flatter authority figures
without a thought to personal dignity.
They'll be lucky to have you, son.
And you're the guy who taught me.
By the way, you look really great in denim.
See?
So, Will, have you scheduled your interview?
Oh, man, I tell you, you ain't got to worry about me
applying to no old bougie
or Muffy and Biffo chickenhead
old kind of old. Oh..
I just didn't have a chance to get around
to it yet, Uncle Phil.
Do it tomorrow.
Wait, come on, Uncle Phil
I've already decided where I wanna go.
Will, the standards of the Jim-Bob School of Trucking
are pretty darn high.
[instrumental music]
Look, man, what are you doing here, anyway?
Your appointment isn't till tomorrow.
Simple, I'm here to pick up
the shattered pieces of your self-esteem.
To nourish you in your hour of defeat.
And do you know why, Will?
Because when I come out of here a broken man
you wanna be the first person to rub my nose in it?
No. I'm really here for you, Will.
Then why you bring a video camera?
- Mr. Will Smith? - Yo.
"Yo?"
So...Mr. Smith
you want to go to Princeton.
Well, actually, I want to go to Sea World
but is Princeton along the way?
[laughs]
You're funny.
We frown on that at Princeton.
Okay, um..
Look, actually, I got to be honest with you.
I just came because my uncle made me.
I really don't want to go to Princeton.
Everybody wants to go to Princeton.
Well, not me,amigo.
Then you're in luck, Mr. Smith.
Your scores are mediocre.
Your grades would make an impressive batting average.
And your extracurricular activities are nonexistent.
Unless one counts detention, in which case
you lead the league.
But my jacket is a fashion miracle though, isn't it?
In short, you're not Princeton material.
And your hat is on backwards.
We frown on that at Princeton.
Well, y'all frown on a lot of stuff at Princeton.
Bunch of sad-lookin' people walking around..
Look, actually, sir, I've, I just really don't know
what Princeton would have to offer me.
I mean, are there any cute honeys?
Mr. Smith
Princeton has some of the most
intelligent young women in the country.
There's no way I would make a crass generalization
about such a diverse group.
Any cute honeys?
No.
Well, then I guess my work here is done.
Oh, but as a parting gift..
...here you go.
How did you do that?
I've been working on this thing for months.
Yeah, well. Take care, buddy.
Wait a minute.
[instrumental music]
♪ Love ♪
♪ Love will keep us together ♪
♪ Think of me babe whenever ♪
♪ Some sweet talkin' girl comes along ♪
♪ Singin' a song ♪
♪ Don't mess around ♪
♪ You just gotta be strong ♪
♪ Just stop ♪
♪ 'Cause I really love you ♪
♪ Stop babe ♪
♪ I been thinkin' of you ♪
♪ Look in my heart ♪
♪ And let love keep us together ♪
♪ You you ♪
♪ You belong to me now ♪
♪ Ain't gonna set you free now ♪
♪ When those girls start hangin' around.. ♪
Now, you get your English scores up and I'll recommend
that you get accepted into Princeton.
Look, I don't know, Ed.
- It's just.. - Please.
For me.
I-it would mean a lot.
Alright, alright, I-I'll think about it.
Peace out, E-Money.
- Pshh! - Pshh!
Oh, man.
Oh. Piece of cake.
What's the capital of Burma?
Look, man, I don't know.
Rangoon. 640 acres is?
I don't know. The size of Barry white's hot tub.
A square mile.
Who said, "It's better to die on your feet
than live on your knees?"
Oh, I'm guessing that one wasn't Madonna.
Emiliano Zapata.
They made a mistake, you don't deserve to go to Princeton.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Will, Princeton is considering you?
Considering me? Begging me is more like it.
I mean, yo, them people just will not take no for an answer.
- You turned them down? - Yeah, bunch of times.
But you know, dude started gettin' all weepy-eyed
and everythin' so I told him I'd sleep on it.
How did you do it, Will? The truth.
Carlton, I was just myself.
I guess, that was good enough.
This is Princeton, Will.
They don't want people who are themselves.
They want people like me.
Now fess up.
I told you, Carlton, I was just myself.
We talked. I told him about the hood back in Philly
and he told me about some stuff called Spam.
You know, if you're getting a shot at Princeton
that's pretty impressive.
I'm proud of you, son.
Proud enough to let me use the Volvo next weekend?
Sure.
Did my lips say Volvo?
My lips meant to say jag.
Why not?
Hey, you know what, Uncle Phil?
I think I might like this Princeton thing after all.
Hey, you think, you could show me that handshake?
Well, okay, but we can't show it to strangers, you know.
[instrumental music]
Mr. Carlton Banks?
Yo, wassup?
- Sorry. - That's alright.
I've been looking through your transcript, Mr. Banks--
Oh, you don't have to call me Mr. Banks.
My posse calls me Rap Master C.
Excuse me?
♪ Rap Master is my name ♪
♪ Ask me again and I'll tell you the same ♪
[scatting]
♪ Didn't mean to dis you ♪
♪ Can I get you a tissue ♪
So, Rap Master.
I noticed that you are the treasurer
of your young republican club.
Three years running
but enough about that bougie stuff.
Let me teach you how to vogue.
Strike a pose.
Mr. Banks, are you on some sort of medication?
Let me teach you how to wear a hat.
Mr. Banks, please.
Mr. Banks, you're nothing like what I expected.
I'm not?
Your scores are topnotch
and your grades couldn't be better.
They are.
Unfortunately, at this time
Princeton doesn't accept
the clinically insane.
Next!
[instrumental music]
That's...that's it?
That's it, close the door when you leave.
There must be some mistake.
Princeton's the only place I've ever wanted to go.
It's the centerpiece of my life's master plan.
I hardly think--
Do you think I'm exaggerating?
Look, this is my master plan.
See where Princeton comes in?
Right after, "Lose virginity."
You're even stranger than I thought.
Thank you for your interest in Princeton, Rap Master.
It's time for my 3:30.
Look, please don't do this to me.
Do you want me to beg?
I'm begging you, anything you want.
You know, my sister Hilary's not bad-looking
and after two drinks or so
she'll do just about anything, so.
Are you through?
My dad's got money.
A lotta money, and if you played your cards right--
Goodbye.
Look, Ed!
You seem like an intelligent man
a man who knows what's good for himself.
Accepting me would be very good for you, Ed
because I have friends.
Big friends, big friends with lots of body hair
and mozzarella on their breath.
Capisce?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but was that a death threat?
Hmm?
[instrumental music]
Yo-ho!
- How did it go, son? - Okay, did they accept you?
Did you even have to ask.
They're not just accepting me
they're giving me a full scholarship.
- Yay! - Yes!
Congratulations.
We are so proud of you.
Good going, C.
Can I have your dresser?
I-I-I can't believe this.
A full scholarship?
That's amazing.
I guess all that hard work paid off.
Philip, we gotta have to have a party
and invite all of Carlton's friends.
- I can't come. - Why not?
Because Carlton doesn't have any friends.
And I'll have to dance with him.
Mom, I appreciate the thought
but let's not go overboard.
No, no, now this-this seems to call for a new car.
How about one of those little convertibles?
Princeton orange.
- Sure, dad, but-- - No buts, Carlton.
You have made me so proud.
I made my bed.
[telephone rings]
- I'll get it. No, I'll get it! - I'll get it.
- No, no, no, I'll get it! - I'll get it!
Hello?
It's Mr. Robinson, your principal.
Well, you're a little late, sir. I just heard the good news.
Oh, that's impossible.
How could he get suspended
after he just got a full scholarship?
I'll, uh, I'll call you back.
Yeah, goodbye.
Philip, what's going on?
[sighs] Carlton..
Tell me you didn't threaten to kill the man from Princeton.
Oh, my God.
- Dad, I-- - Just tell me that, please.
I can't.
[instrumental music]
Yo, C, you look bad, man.
Stop trying to butter me up, Will.
Oh, come on, baby, give mamma a kiss.
Go away.
Oh, come on, mamma knows, child, come on.
Stop, Will, it's not funny.
You ruined my life, you, you big poopy.
You get everything you want without trying.
You got picked first for teams, the cutest girls
everything. Why?
'Cause I don't say stuff like big poopy.
Why don't you just go back to Philly.
Do I detect a little hostility?
You owe me some flowers, mister.
(man on TV) 'Look, you mustn't talk like that.'
'I won't get my wings with that attitude.'
Oh, I don't know, I guess you're right.
Suppose it would've been better if I'd never been born at all.
What did you say?
I said I wish I'd never been born.
You and me both, pal.
[thunder rumbling]
What the..
Oh, my God, it's Tom Jones.
W-what are you doin' here?
Well, I'm your guardian angel.
Wow! No offense, Tom
but I always thought my guardian angel would be black.
Oh, I knew Otis Redding.
Well, anyway, I'm glad you came.
- I've been so unhappy. - I know.
Break it down to me.
Huh?
Tell me what's wrong.
Well, it's kind of hard to put into words.
Ah! I know.
[instrumental music]
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ To have dad be proud of me ♪
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ 'Cause I love conformity ♪
♪ And when I see dad hangin' with Will instead of me ♪
♪ It's not unusual to see me cry ♪
♪ I wanna die ♪
♪ It's not unusual to mess up at any time ♪
♪ And when I see you so down and out ♪
♪ It's such a crime ♪
♪ Did you ever wanna be loved by anyone ♪
♪ And then you let them down ♪
♪ I blew it yesterday ♪
♪ My trust fund's gone away ♪
♪ My friend it happens all the time ♪
♪ And life will never do ♪
♪ What you want it to ♪
♪ Don't give yourself ♪
♪ Such a hard time ♪♪
Tom, you're the best guardian angel
a guy could ever ask for.
But do you think you can change history
so that I've never been born?
Well, not quite, but I could probably pull some strings
and have you moved oppositeRoseanne.
But before I do that.
I want you to see what things would be like
if you didn't exist.
[instrumental music]
(Will) 'Get ready, 'cause I'm coming now.'
- Okay. - Come on, shoot for it.
He dribbles down he turns into
Darryl Dawkins, he's breaks the backboard.
Aah!
Alright!
Oh, it's perfect, baby, beautiful.
What happened? And where's mom?
Well, without you, your family was
defenseless against Will.
'You see they started to focus on happiness'
instead of success.
Your mother ran away with the milkman.
'Your father quit his practice to paint.'
'Ashley does nothing but dance all day.'
'And Hilary just does her hair.'
Well, maybe not everything changed.
But-but they're not making any money.
I mean, so what if they're happy?
I mean, how they're gonna afford this house
our cars, our club memberships?
Well, they can't, they're gonna lose it all.
Happiness has ruined them.
I've got to save them.
I've gotta teach them about greed and social climbing
And how to claim your dog as a dependent.
Now, that's the Carlton I know.
Maestro.
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ To feel bad at any time ♪
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ To feel sad at any time ♪
♪ But if I ever am in a jam at any time ♪
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ To find that I am there for you ♪
♪ Whoa whoa oh whoa oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Whoa oh ♪
♪ Whoa whoa whoa whoa ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Alright ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
Good morning, Will.
Good morning?
You-you sure you don't mean
die you gravy-suckin' pig?
Will, I spoke out of turn earlier.
I had no right to attack you the way I did.
Oh, well, that's cool, man.
Plus, I decided I don't even wanna go to Princeton, you know?
So I called up Ed and I put the good word in for you.
And he's giving me another chance?
Well, no he still thinks you're kinda crazy.
But, uh, he'd like to take Hilary out for cocktails.
Will, would you excuse us, please?
I'd like to talk to Carlton alone.
Go easy on him, Uncle Phil. He's a moron.
Dad, before you start, I just wanna say
I'm sorry about the death threat.
Son, I admit that wasn't exactly the bright spot of my day
but what really hurt the most, is that you lied to me.
But I didn't know how to tell you.
I mean, you were so happy that Princeton wanted Will.
I thought you'd like him more than me.
I could never like Will.
Well, I mean, I like him.
Wait a minute, here I am lying to you.
I really blew it.
I'm sorry you won't get to go to Princeton.
I know how much that meant to you.
Dad, the only reason I wanted to go to Princeton
is because I wanted to be like you.
You can't be like me Carlton.
Or like Will or like anybody else.
You can only be like you.
There's no need to be cruel.
Son..
...who you are is just fine with me.
I mean that.
Carlton.
Yeah?
You're grounded.
Thanks, dad.
Oh, do I sense a little hostility?
You owe me some flowers, mister.
I did that on purpose!
[instrumental music]