[both laughing]
Oh, man.
- Oh! You know, Monique.. - Hm.
I've never said this to a girl before, but..
Oh, baby, you all that and a bag of chips!
[both laugh]
Oh, Will, am I?
(Will) 'Hey, I'm lying, I'm dying, you know what I'm saying?'
[Will chuckles]
Oh, Will.
Hey, babe, I got to tell you
whatever it is that you serving..
You better give me a double!
[all laugh]
I was just playing.
Girl, you know how I be joking.
I be joking.
I-I wasn't being straight up with you.
But I will now.
Monique, I care about you, baby.
I care about you so much.
I couldn't trust myself to express my real feelings.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped-turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started making trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ And said you're movin' with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪
♪ Yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[music continues]
- Hey, hey! - Hey, Will.
Man, something smells good.
Oh, wait, that's me.
Hey, y'all, check it out.
I just tried on that new Michael Jackson cologne
down at the mall.
I don't smell anything.
[sniffs] Oh, that's funny.
It's a lot lighter than it was when I put it on.
What are you doing wearing cologne anyway?
You never wear cologne.
He wants to smell good for Monique.
They have a big date tonight.
- Oh! - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I figured, you know y'all gonna be out the house
and my man, G, here has the night off.
I figure Monique will come over, we'll go up to my room
and six or seven hours later, we'll come back down again
you know what I'm saying?
You don't know what I'm saying.
Well, guys..
What do you think of my new dress?
Doesn't make me look too big, does it?
Um, no?
Hilary, what do you think, honey?
Well, you know how I'm always borrowing your things?
Well, you don't have to worry about this one.
- Hi, sweetheart. - Hello, dear!
- Hi. - Oh, what a day.
You know, if you guys don't mind it
I'm going to skip dinner and clear up some paperwork.
Philip, remember we're going to go out to dinner?
Yeah, remember?
Oh, yeah, of course, I remember.
I-I've been looking forward to it all day.
So, where are we going?
Eh, to the restaurant.
Ah, Le.. Ah, Le..
Chez.. Ah..
M-Mc. Ah. Mc.. Ah..
Alright, Vivian, I forgot.
Phil, I don't believe it. Fine.
We might as well just stay home.
Ah..
- V-Vivian. - Philip, forget it.
I don't want to go out if you don't want to.
What about what I want?
I mean, what about my needs?
Here you are, madam.
I'm guessing they're not for me.
I haven't put out in years.
Oh, Philip, they're beautiful.
Oh! Let me.
[both laugh]
"I'm looking forward to dinner tonight..
"with the most beautiful woman in the world."
'I love you.'
Oh, Philip, you were teasing me.
- I love you, too. - Yes.
Okay, let me just go freshen up.
Okay, baby.
Love you.
[both chuckle]
Uncle Phil, Trevor sent these flowers.
They're for Hilary.
Not anymore.
Wha..
Uncle Phil, you lied to your woman.
My man, give it up top.
Mirror, mirror on the wall..
Jean-Claude Van-Damn, I'm fine.
[clears throat] Miss Monique is here to see you.
- What's up, baby? - Hi, honey.
Oh, uh, if you need me
I'll be dodging winos at the bus station.
You know, my father would kill me
if he knew I was out with a boy tonight.
I told him I was going to church.
[chuckles]
The Lord is good.
Why don't you come on over here, sit down, relax a little bit.
Okay.
[Mint Condition singing "Breakin' My Heart"]
[laughing]
Boy, you are pretty slick, Will Smith.
And I ain't even oiled up yet, you know?
[laughs]
I think I should tell you
nothing turns me on more than a sense of humor.
- Really? - Hm-hmm.
Maybe you'd like to go upstairs and I could do my stand-up.
[both laugh]
Now, why waste time going upstairs?
See, this way whenever you pass the couch
you'll think of me.
Mm.
Maybe I could get some memories of you in the kitchen
and the Jacuzzi, too.
Watch yourself, girl.
- Mm. Mm. - Mm.
Ooh, mama knows, child.
[both moaning]
Baby, what you doing?
- Yo, what's-- - Will, I can't do this.
- I-I better go. - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Baby, what's the problem?
You really turn me on.
What's the problem?
I don't know, Will.
I, I-I really thought that I could handle all this
but I-I can't, so we better stop.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Baby, some things
just ain't that easy to stop.
I know, and it isn't that easy for me either
but, Will, I want you.
But I guess deep down inside I'm just an old-fashioned girl.
I want to be married before I go all the way.
You understand, don't you?
Look, Monique, I'd love to talk
but there ain't no blood in my brain.
(Carlton) 'Will.'
It's only 7 o'clock. What are you doing up?
Oh, man. Look here, I've been up for hours, man.
I swam like 20 laps in the pool
um, went down shot some hoops
uh, jogged around the track a half dozen times.
I waxed your car for you, too.
[chuckles] No nookie last night, huh?
Man, no nookie, no nothing, man.
Look, see, I don't understand, man.
It's like she was here, everything was lovely
everything was perfect, then all of a sudden
she wasn't with it no more.
I don't get it.
Will. Will. Will.
You just don't understand women.
When it comes to matters of the heart, you can't rush things.
Give a girl time, she'll come around.
Really? Well, you know, How long do you usually give 'em?
Well, let's see
a week from Friday, it will be 18 years.
- Morning, boys. - Hey, good morning, Uncle Phil.
- Good morning, dad. - 'Good morning, son.'
[clears throat]
Hey, look, Uncle Phil, check it out.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Do you have to?
Come on, Uncle Phil, this is serious, man.
I need to talk to you about, um..
...cars.
Cars, you..
- Oh, cars! - Cars. Yeah.
Uh, yeah, well, I guess it is about time
that, that you and I started talking about..
- Uh, cars. - Cars.
Uh..
Hm.
Oh, God, this car isn't in trouble, is it?
[chuckles] Oh. No, no, no, it was..
Never been off the lot as far as I can tell.
[sighs]
Look, Will, driving is serious business.
Well, these days
you got to think about safety.
You never want to go for a ride in a car
without your seat belt.
And, uh..
[chuckles] Use your brakes.
Don't floor it because then you throw a rod
you-you flood your carburetor, you crack your block.
You understand what I'm saying?
No, man.
No sex before marriage.
Come on, Uncle Phil, this is the '90s, man.
Take a cold shower.
I've been doing that since the '80s. It don't work no more.
Look, Will, I know I'm talking to teenage hormones from hell
but if you care about this young lady
you don't want to do anything to damage the relationship.
And intimacy requires a real commitment.
Uncle Phil, I'm saying, Uncle Phil..
Homie, we both mens here, you know?
We got ugly needs.
Will, you're a grown man. I can't watch you all the time.
I'm just going to have to rely on you to do the right thing.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
to unite this couple in holy matrimony.
And by the powers invested into me
and for the republic in which it stands
'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
Get busy.
- Mm. - Mm. Ah!
Will, I'm so happy. I can't believe we did this.
Me, neither. Come on, let's go, baby.
Whoa! Father, Father. Father.
Chill, alright?
Um, look, baby, I'm..
I need to take care of the reverend, alright?
Okay, honey, I'm going to go warm up the car.
Hey, hey, hey! This is God's crib.
Take that in the street where it belongs.
[laughs]
- Psssh! - Psssh!
We better get out of here, my brother.
Any minute now that minister's going to realize
his house ain't on fire.
I don't believe this, Jazz, man
together we are invincible!
Granted, my brother, we're good
but people can still see us.
Baby, here we go.
Over the threshold.
Oh, look at this, a chair
a nice drawer.
Oh, but look what's over here, a bed.
[door slams]
(Monique) 'Oh, honey, wait. Slow it down.'
This is our wedding night.
I know, I know, but..
We only got 18 hours left before checkout.
These damn buttons. You got some scissors, girl?
Will, Will. Please, now, come on.
Just give me a minute, okay?
I want to put something special on for you.
And I promise it'll be worth the wait.
Trust me.
[door slams]
Hey.
[thud]
[grunts]
(Monique) 'I'm ready.'
Do you like it?
Wow!
I love it.
- Alright, now, take it off. - Oh, honey.
Will, we're married.
I am so happy..
And I'm going to make you happy, too.
Okey-doke. Ah!
Girl, be gentle.
Honey, I meant for the rest of our lives.
I'm going to be a good wife, Will
because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
Don't you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, baby, let's get naked.
This thing open from the back or the front?
Oh, Will.
There's something I want to give to you.
What a coincidence 'cause there's something
I want to give you, too.
This.
It belonged to my great grandfather.
And now I want you to have it.
Oh, thanks, a little box.
No. You didn't even open it, silly.
[chuckles]
Here.
My great grandmother gave it to him on their wedding night.
And grandma gave it to grampy and mama gave it to daddy..
...and now I'm giving it to you.
[chuckles]
My parents are going to kill me
when they find out what we've done, but..
[both chuckle]
But I don't care.
Will, I'm proud that you're part of my family now
because you're decent and honest.
Baby, I trust you, and I know you will love me
and cherish me as long as we both shall live.
Now, take me.
Oh, damn!
Alright. Alright, alright, alright.
Look, check it out. Check it out. Check it out.
Look here. Um..
I'll be right back, baby.
- Where are you going? - Um, I mean, look.
You gave me, you gave me grampy's watch and everything
and I ain't got nothing for you.
You know, so I got to go get you something.
Sorry, grampy.
[grunts]
You know, my child
I've never known the pleasures of the flesh
but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.
You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh
but I could be convinced to give up..
Excuse me, Father, could I rap to you for a second.
Don't go away, baby.
Bartender, another Olde English for the lady.
It's a fashion risk, but I like it.
Jazz, sit down.
Look, I can't believe I let you talk me into this, man.
And I feel awful.
Will, a naked, willing female is in your room.
Stop me when I get to the awful part.
I don't have a right to treat her like this, man.
- She's a human being. - Well, that's enough.
Now, get a bottle of whiskey, liquor that girl up
and take advantage of her.
Be a man for God's sake.
Jazz, I'm-I'm sorry, man, I can't.
I-I got to tell her the truth.
Maybe you're right.
Perhaps we've both been a little remiss
in our treatment of women.
[scoffs] You think?
Yeah. You inspire me, prince.
From now on I, too, will be completely honest
in my dealings with the fair sex.
My man.
You know, my child
I've never known the pleasures of the flesh
but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.
Honey, where have you..
Monique, this is going to be hard enough as it is
so please just let me do the talking.
I know you respect honesty in a man
so I'm going to be honest.
Monique, I just wanted to get you into bed
so I tricked you.
The whole ceremony was a fake
'and we're not really married.'
Monique, look, I'm sorry
and I know what I did was wrong.
And, Monique, I really care about you.
'I'm sorry.'
Monique..
I mean, the room is paid for and everything
'so, uh, you know, I was just hoping that maybe'
'you know, since..'
[thud]
So, could you just come get me, Uncle Phil?
[indistinctly mumbling]
Your Mercedes?
Oh, well. Well, yeah. No.
See, actually, yeah.
Yeah. I did borrow it.
Well, but, you know, it's-it's not here right now.
[indistinctly mumbling]
Well, to be honest, my wife took it.
[indistinctly mumbling]
[sighs]
All I could overhear were the words Mercedes
wife and Monique
and then dad ran out of the house.
Well, I think it's obvious what happened.
Will and Monique stole a Mercedes
and ran over somebody's wife.
[chuckles] Carlton, that's ridiculous.
Obviously, Will has been seeing a woman named Mercedes
Monique found out
and I'm still working on the wife part.
Well, I think Will married Monique
just to get her into bed, and when she found out
she got so mad she took off in dad's Mercedes.
[both chuckle]
- Get real! - What?
I still can't believe that
you could do something so despicable.
I mean, marrying Monique just to get her in bed?
Even I don't believe it.
Sss!
I can't imagine what kind of excuse you could come up with.
Do you have anything to say in your own defense?
Nothing.
It's shameful, Uncle Phil.
I mean, here you are busting your hump
trying to impart values
and teach basic human decency
and I turn around and do some mess like this.
I-I just don't get it, Will.
I mean..
What is going on in that head of yours?
I don't know, Uncle Phil. I'm out of control.
Please stop me before I disobey again.
Don't you ever stop to think
before you do these disgusting things?
Of course, I do, Uncle Phil.
You think I like being the way I am?
I'm a victim.
I'm a victim of my imagination.
Help me.
Well..
Alright, since you put it that way.
I'm not going to punish you, Will.
You know, that's radical, Uncle Phil,
but it just might work.
I'm not going to punish you today..
Maybe not even tomorrow.
You see, I need to think a long, long time about
just what I'm going to do with you.
I don't know, it might come to me
poof, In the middle of the night
or maybe next week
or a few years from now.
In the meantime, why don't you worry about it?
Be afraid, Will.
Be very afraid.
[laughs]
Ah! I've got it.
Will!
[music continues]
I want to put something special on for you.
And I promise it'll be worth the wait. Trust me.
[both laugh]
[screams]
Alright, wait.
[Will laughs]
'I got that effect on women, you know.'