[instrumental music]
Yo, C, can you take me to the beach, man?
Will, you're taking that baseball to the beach with you?
No, no. See, this isn't just a baseball.
This was autographed by "Say Hey" Willie Mays.
I mean, I had to sell half your coin collection just to buy it.
Well, if you ask me, you're obsessed.
I'm obsessed?
Look, Carlton, you hurt his feelings.
Say sorry. Say it!
I'm sorry.
Will, seek help.
Carlton, can you just drop me off at the beach?
You know what, scratch that.
Drop me off a couple blocks away.
You know, the honeys might get a little nervous
if they see me with a midget.
Will, today is senior day.
We're supposed to work on our college applications
and think about our futures.
Oh, I am, and it's just that my future
involves a sweet young thing in a thong.
You know what I'm saying? You know?
Come on, let's jam, pee wee.
Forget it, Will. I'm not going to the beach.
I'm going to the library.
Oh, really?
Well, I got ten spankies here
that said you're going to the beach.
They lied. Ha-ha!
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxing all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
G, can you please take me to the beach?
So sorry, Master William. I'm on a break.
G, when is it gonna be over?
When you get another ride.
Morning, sweetheart.
Geoffrey, my bags are upstairs.
How thrilling for you.
Geoffrey, you know, I'm very, very fond of you
but I'm also eight months pregnant
and I'm not in a very good mood.
I could very easily rip out your heart
eat it, and then have cappuccino.
Am I making myself quite clear?
Hallmark couldn't have put it any better.
Hey, you know, Aunt Viv
I'm really gonna miss you this weekend.
Oh, no, you're not. And I'm not gonna miss you, either.
Vivian, sweetheart, there was an army
of ants in my shower this morning.
Oh, welcome to the club, Philip. Call the exterminator.
And while you're at it call the garage
door people and the plumber.
Well, I thought you were gonna take care of that.
Oh, I'm as big as a house.
All I wanna do is lie in bed and eat pie.
Me too, but I still get things done.
Guess what? You're not going to believe this.
You paid for your own dinner?
Are you insane?
I'm going to be interviewed by the "LA Weekly."
Now that I'm a famous weather girl
people want to know the real me.
Now, if anyone asks, I'm 21
and I fought in Desert Storm.
Madam, I've put your luggage in the limousine.
Okay, goodbye, sweetheart.
Alright, I'll give John and Cheryl your love.
And I promise I'll try and come back in a better mood..
...if I come back at all.
You know, Uncle Phil, if we're lucky
she'll come back as Clair Huxtable.
[knock on door]
Oh, look, a black Howdy Doody.
That is my assistant Edward.
Shame on you, Will.
God.
Good morning, Howdy, uh, Edward.
Good morning, Judge Banks.
I hope you don't mind the imposition.
But I thought you could review your notes on the way to court.
Edward, even I can't drive and read at the same time.
Sure, you can, Uncle Phil, I do it every morning
on my way to school.
[laughs]
Actually, I took the liberty of putting your notes on tape.
Oh. Thank you, Edward. It must have taken you hours.
Three days, but I found it extremely enlightening
not to mention rewarding.
- Yeah. - Oh, I almost forgot one thing.
Uh, if it's your nose, I think I know where you left it.
I was hoping to have a day off.
I have an interview with a very prestigious law firm.
Oh, I have a very busy today, Edward. Can't you postpone it?
- Of course. I'd be happy to. - 'Okay.'
I'll just wait another eight months.
Go to the interview, Edward.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you again.
And again, and again.
Ed, you want me to get you some knee pads?
Mr. Banks, the gardener left this for you.
"Dear Mr. Banks, how can I put this?
"Your wife is crazy. And you're cheap.
I quit.Adios,Hector."
Great. Just what I need.
- Can I be of assistance, sir? - Yes.
You can now call a gardener, call an exterminator
uh, find a plumber, and fix the garage door.
Even Aladdin only got three wishes.
What am I gonna do?
How am I gonna make it through the day
without an assistant?
- Well, got to go. - Not so fast, Will.
I really need your help.
Uncle Phil, Uncle Phil, look, you know you my man, right?
Well, come on. Today is senior day.
I-I gotta go down to the beach
and harass young women.
Well, Will, sometimes you have to put yourself aside
and do something to help others.
You know, you-you right, Uncle Phil, and I-and I see it.
It's like a vision. I'm gonna do that when I'm 30.
Will, I'll never make it through this day without help.
Come on, like my father used to say to me
"It's, it's better to give than to receive."
Your pop had a bit of a drinking problem, didn't he?
Get out of those clothes and get into the damn car.
A gentleman would at least give me dinner first.
And if you want to stay out of jail
I suggest, you stop associating with known criminals
and low life scum.
[indistinct whispering]
- Jamal? - Will!
[indistinct chatter]
Yo, man. You cool, you cool, this is my uncle.
- Hey, Uncle Phil, this is-- - Got offended.
- Sit down, Will. - Oh, my fault. Sorry.
Hey, Jamal, why don't you offer him this KitKat--
(Philip) 'Will!'
Next case.
Where are my files?
Oh, I-I got them right here for you, Uncle Phil.
You know, I just cleaned them up a little bit, you know?
- Why? - I don't know, man.
Some fool spilt some Slurpee or something on it, I don't know.
It cool now.
"People vs. Luther Devins," case number 3612.
Rrrrr.
What's up, baby, why don't you stenog your number down
for me, you know?
Hmm, girl, you look so good, I wish I could plant you
and grow a whole field of y'all.
Will, would you approach the bench, please?
Yeah, just a second, Uncle Phil--
Get your butt over here.
- Closer. - Huh?
Come on. A little closer.
Come on. Come on. Yes. Come on.
May I remind you that you are here
to help me, not help yourself?
Now, you sit your butt down over there and shut up!
Kong not happy.
[chair screeching]
Well, counselor
I see that your client has violated probation again.
Why hasn't he found a job yet?
He's tried, Your Honor, but he hasn't been able to.
We're here to request more time.
Mr. Devins, I see you've served five years in the penitentiary.
I'm sure you learned a trade in there.
Actually, I wrote a book, Your Honor.
Word, that's kind of fly, man.
Hey, tell that to the publishers who rejected me.
I hate rejection.
As a matter of fact I wrote a book of poetry about it.
Mr. Devins, I find it difficult to believe
that you've put forth an honest effort to find employment.
Yeah, I'm willing to take any kind of job, Your Honor.
I'm good with my hands. I can fix practically anything.
Then why are you unemployed?
I'm an ex-con. Nobody wants to hire an ex-con.
Oh, please. That's a very lame excuse, Mr. Devins.
Are you aware that I'm perfectly within my rights
to send you back to prison?
Hey, yo, Uncle Judge.
Hey, Uncle Phil, you could give him a job.
Are you crazy? He's an ex-con.
Come on, Uncle Phil.
All that stuff that's broken around the house.
A-and plus, I'm telling you, I got
a good feeling about this guy.
Look at him.
I don't think that would work, Will.
Aw, Uncle Phil, remember what your pop said
"Uh, it is better to give than to receive."
I really, really hate you.
Love you, too, Uncle Phil.
Yo, check it out, G. My Willie Mays just went up again.
I can get 300 spankies for this.
Uh, 225 tops.
I tried selling it yesterday.
Now, when you finish mowing the lawn
you can prune Mrs. Banks' roses.
- My pleasure. - I have a date tonight.
So would you mind washing the car?
Oh, and can you jack up the driver's seat a little?
And could you pick up my dress from the dry cleaners?
Oh, and uh, while you're at it
could you type up your thoughts on the industrial revolution
you know, double space it and put my name on it?
You dribble and you shoot, you know?
You hope for the best. What? What?
Alright, I'll take care of everything right away
and thanks again for the work, huh?
Hey, there's more where that came from.
What a great guy.
In-credible.
So I'm telling you, dude got it going on
I mean, especially after spending five years in the pen.
The pen?
Please tell me that's slang for the valley.
Look, now, don't everybody overreact
but, uh, he did serve some time for burglary.
Are you out of your damn mind?
Ashley?
Oh, my God! I've got to make myself look less attractive.
I know. I'll put on something of mom's.
I'm nailing down all of my dolls right now.
- Me too! - Hey, hold it! Hold it!
Now, the man has paid his debt to society.
He deserves a second chance like everybody else.
- Whose idea was this? - His.
Will, you've put this entire family in danger.
This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.
Will, you are a genius.
Luther is a Godsend.
He fixed all of the bulbs in my vanity mirror.
I'm even prettier than I thought.
You know, Hilary, I don't even think it's possible
for you to be prettier than you thought.
Thank you, Will.
Yo, Will, I fixed that TV in your room.
Oh, by the way, you now get "The playboy channel."
Ooh, my man.
Ow!
I don't know, Will.
I don't think I'd leave a convicted felon
alone in my room.
But what could you possibly have of any value?
What you talking about, man?
Uh, how about, for instance
my Willie Mays baseball?
[yawns]
Look at the time. 4 o'clock already.
I better get some sleep.
Where's my Willie? Carlton, I can't find my Willie!
[instrumental music]
Carlton, tell me that there's a baseball in this thing.
There is no baseball, Will.
Oh, I guess you wasn't listening.
Carlton, tell me that there's a baseball in this thing.
Look, it's gone. Well, Luther's a thief.
- What are we gonna do? - Alright, alright..
We don't know that Luther did it.
Oh, come off it, Will.
If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck
and sounds like a duck, what is it?
Your prom date?
I told you she had a cold.
Look, if you're so sure Luther didn't take it
why don't you just ask him?
He won't have anything to hide.
Oh, come on, Carl, you can't just walk up to people
and accuse them of stuff.
You think he did it, you ask him.
Oh, right, like I'm just gonna
march up to a vicious, hardened criminal and say
"Hey, mister, can I have my ball back?
A-and please don't snap my neck like a twig."
Will, you have to be clever to outthink the criminal mind.
- Hey, Luther. How you doing? - Hey, Luther.
There's Luther.
Look, I'll find out if he's honest.
Okay.
Hey, Luther, you dropped your wallet.
No, that's yours.
So it is.
How honest of you to say so.
So, Luther.
Baseball's a fine game, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Carlton, can I have a word with you?
(Carlton) Oh, sure.
The word is "idiot," man.
Can't you see he's innocent?
Well, I'm gonna go buy myself some lumber.
I wanna get started on that trellis.
Oh, good for you, Luther.
Look. Nice talking to you, Luther.
You're doing a darn good job, Luther.
Look, great having you aboard, Luther.
Hey, thanks.
See you, Luther. Ha-ha-ha!
Luther's guilty, Will. I'm gonna tell dad.
No, you're not, man, 'cause if you do
I'm gonna tell him about them calls you've been making
to 1-900-horny.
You wouldn't.
Come on, boys. Let's go out to dinner.
Out? We can't go out. We got lots of food right here.
We can't leave the house. Our stuff is here.
Carlton, Geoffrey's away. Mom's gone.
If we don't go out to eat, we'll starve.
- Yeah. - Come on. Let's celebrate.
It's not every day that Will does something right.
Luther's a good worker.
Good thing he worked out, or I'd have to
take it out of your hide.
And that would be nasty, wouldn't it?
Ooh. Yecchh.
Come on, boys. Let's go.
Will, we got to tell dad about Luther.
He might be dangerous.
Carlton, please, look, the man is innocent.
Trust me.
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
- What happened in here? - We was robbed!
Oh, my God! What'd they take?
Oh, I knew it.
I told you we shouldn't have left Luther here.
Luther did this?
Will, dad is going to kill you.
Me? Wh-why? No, he's not.
I mean, first of all, we don't even know that Luther did this.
And second of all, Uncle Phil's a-a fair man.
He can't blame me for none of this.
Will, I'll kill you!
Look, Uncle Phil, this ain't my fault, man.
I don't believe this.
"Why don't you give him a job, Uncle Phil? Huh? Huh?
I got a good feeling about him, Uncle Phil."
Lo-look, Uncle Phil, I'm telling you
there-there's probably a perfectly good
explanation for all of this.
Like what?
Whew.
Ma-maybe Luther took all our stuff
to get it scotch guarded.
- It could happen. - 'Oh, shut up!'
Any idiot could see he's guilty.
I'm calling the police.
[gasps] My Tevin Campbell posters!
If he touched them, I'll hunt him down like a dog!
Wait, wait, alright, wait-wait a minute.
Come on, l-let's just calm down here.
I mean, come on.
I mean, what did we lose for real?
Just, a bunch of things.
We're all healthy. Huh?
We're all safe. Huh?
Where the video games?
Wh-where are my video.. Oh, oh, aah!
Alright, I can't breathe. I can't..
[instrumental music]
Well, he got all the TV's.
Uh, he got silverware, too.
I feel like such a fool.
He was probably planning this from day one.
Well, don't blame yourself, big guy. Blame will.
He should've told you when Luther stole his baseball.
What baseball?
[in Spanish accent] What baseball?
Well, baseball game where man with stick hit ball and run.
Sort of like this.
Hold it!
You mean to tell me that Luther stole your Willie Mays
and you didn't tell me about it?
I-I didn't really know, Uncle Phil.
Hey, but, if we want to be serious about this
this is all your fault.
Excuse me?
Well, if you had let me go to the beach
then none of this would have never happened.
Will, I will give you to the count of ten
to get out of my sight.
Nine..
Luther get on my nerves. Steal my stuff. Now I get in trouble.
I wish that punk was in here right now, boy, 'cause I..
...scream like a girl.
Uncle Phil, Luther's in the house!
Yeah, you right. Dig me with my bad self, huh?
What the hell are you doing here?
Let me warn you, Luther. I've called the police.
You've got a lot of damn nerve coming back here
after you robbed us.
What are you talking about?
(Carlton) 'Oh, please!'
Yeah, if this wall weren't in my way, mister
you'd be plenty sorry.
After we gave you a second chance
this is how you repay us.
- I did not rob you. - Oh..
You gotta believe me. Will, you believe me, right?
You know, it's people like you that give ex-cons a bad name.
I-I'm calling the police, man.
Damn, that was fast!
Yo, they must have thought we was white folks.
- Come on in, officer. - Thank you.
Thank God you got here when you did.
I was about to turn this sucker out.
Officer, I want you to arrest this man.
H-he stole my baseball a-and some other stuff.
- I can't do that, sir. - Why not?
We already arrested the perpetrator.
Yes. His name is Edward Haskell.
Claims to be your law clerk.
Edward? Officer, there must be some kind of mistake.
Oh, I'm afraid not, sir.
See, we saw his U-Haul double-parked.
Upon suggesting he move the vehicle
suspect broke down and confessed to cleaning you out, sir.
Why would he want to rob me?
Well, according to him he's sick and tired of getting you bagels
it's not his job to iron your robes
and he said you unfairly accused him
of calling 1-900-horny.
The man is obviously a deviant.
Well, thank you, officer.
And I'll meet you down at the station to make a positive ID.
- Very good, thank you, sir. - Uh-huh.
Ha-ha! Luther.. Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Luther, we're sorry. We were wrong.
Tell me about it.
Luther, we're sorry.
Someone in my position should be a better judge of character.
I'd like for you to continue to work for us though.
Well, after working in this house
jail won't be so bad.
See ya.
Well, I trust we all learned something from this.
Yeah. Don't work for you.
Well, we weren't completely wrong about Luther.
Yes, we were. He didn't touch my Tevin Campbell posters.
Yeah, but he took Will's baseball.
You mean the one in the plastic case?
I borrowed it for batting practice.
Where is it, Ashley? That thing is worth a lot of money!
Really? Didn't look like it.
Somebody wrote all over it.
But don't worry. I cleaned it off for you.
Where are those damn Tevin Campbell posters?
No! No!
[instrumental music]
[in Spanish accent] ...I'm glad you asked me that.
See, baseball game where man with stick hit ball and run.
So like this.
Hold it, Will!
- They noticed. They noticed. - Okay, okay, okay.