Okay, here we go.
Put down your money, find the honey.
Locate the black queen, and I don't mean Little Richard.
There!
Okay, Carlton, you're pretty good for a white guy.
- What's going on out here? - I'm cleaning up, Geoffrey.
I hope they pay you more than they pay me.
Seriously, Geoffrey, you should get in on this.
Do you play the Hell's Kitchen version or the A-train hybrid.
- Huh? - I'm in.
Alright, here we go.
Zagnut, Goobers, Good and Plenty
locate the black girl, you win $20.
That one.
Yes!
Well, there goes Saturday night at Sizzler.
I had coupons, too.
Beginner's luck, Master William.
- One last bet? - No, no, thanks. I'm out, G.
Didn't realize you were such a coward.
[imitating a chicken]
Chicken. Bak-bak..
Alright, look, don't nobody call me a coward.
- What's your bet? - 50 big ones.
I ain't no punk, but I'll take that down. Here we go.
I can't look.
- Drat! - Damn. Oh, damn, G.
Damn! There, see, that one red.
See, if it was like you, you'd have won but it red so you lost.
Better luck next time.
He fell for it, Will. Now let's go hustle dad.
- Oops. - "Oops?"
Good cover. I'm guessing you've done this before?
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story ♪
♪ All about how my life got flipped ♪
♪ Turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out, maxin' relaxing all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪
♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
Oh, you're wasting your time, Carlton.
Geoffrey already cut out all the bra ads.
Will, for your information, I was looking at those
funny little markings underneath the pictures.
In Bel-Air we call them "Words."
Hey, guess what, I just finished my first short story.
Oh, what a coincidence, your first short story
and your first short son in the same room.
My friend at Essence magazine offered to read it.
But, before she does, I wanted to give you a copy
and I want you to tell me exactly what you think.
Great, I can't wait to read it.
Well, now that I am a professional
I'm gonna go check out that new word processor.
- See you. - That's my little writer.
Okay, somebody bury this.
Dad, are you crazy?
If I read this story, it'll be
the biggest mistake I've ever made.
I don't know about that, Uncle Phil.
Remember them plaid shorts you wore last summer?
Look, let me tell you boys something about women.
Now, if I read it and say I like it
she'll think I'm just trying to make her happy.
If I say I don't like it
she'll stop trying to make me happy.
Whoo. Yes, women is a trip, Uncle Phil.
It's just like, let's say
you accidentally scream out the wrong name
and they jumping all out the back of your car like that.
So, what are you gonna do, dad?
- Hey, I'm the man of the house. - Yeah.
What do you think I'm gonna do?
What a man would do.
Buy her a car and hope she forgets all about this.
You know, we can really learn a lot from that man.
Hey, G, would you make me a sandwich?
But of course.
Now you're a sandwich.
You can take it off your head.
- Uh, G, something wrong? - You swindled me.
I was planning to use that money on lottery tickets.
The jackpot's up to $26,000,000.
Wow!
Could you imagine what life would be like
with all that money?
Buying whatever you want, driving fancy cars
dining in fancy restaurants.
Wait a second, that is what life is like.
I see this is getting me nowhere.
Now, if you'll excuse me
I'm going to enjoy the one thing you can't spoil for me.
I don't know, Will.
I mean, Geoffrey works hard for his money.
- Yeah. - You know, we have so much.
And he has so little.
- Well, now we'll have more. - Yeah, absolutely.
(male #1 on TV) 'Let's play "Brainstorm."'
(male #2) 'Felix, I'll take Famous Quotes for $100.'
(male #3) 'The question is, "What is the motto of The Three Musketeers?"'
That's an easy one. "Creamy on the inside
smooth on the outside."
- "All for one and one for all!" - 'Right again.'
I can't believe you missed that one, G.
Yeah, even Will could have guessed that one
and the only thing he reads is the cereal box.
Yeah, well, at least I don't fit in one.
Well, if you're so confident in my lack of ability
perhaps you'd like to make a little wager.
- Say, $30? - Done.
(male #4) 'Vietnam for $200.'
(male #5) 'You drew the wild card.'
What do you say, Geoffrey? Want to double your bet?
Well, it is an awful lot of money
but, what the hell?
(male #6) 'And the question is.'
'"Who is the South Vietnamese president'
'killed by his own generals in 1963?"'
Ngo Dinh Diem.
(male #7) 'No guesses? The correct answer is Ngo Dinh Diem.'
[laughing] Splendid.
I say we call Immigration.
Is this "Brainstorm?"
How sad. Some people will do anything for money.
I mean, why don't they just ask their fathers?
(male #8) 'The category is Greek History.'
'And the final Brainstorm question is.'
'"What Bronze Age civilization emerged about 2500 BC?"'
Oh, I know. The Minoan civilization.
- 'The Minoan civilization?' - 'Correct.'
Whoa , whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, hold up.
Time out. Time out.
Flag on the plate, traveling, offsides, clipping.
Hold up, wait a minute.
- What's up with this here? - Hilary, how'd you know that?
Easy, Geoffrey's been watching that tape all day.
Well, I'm off to the store.
Oh, when you're through, do turn off the VCR
and return that tape of "Brainstorm" to my room.
And might I add, ha-ha!
And, ha!
- Carlton, come on, come on. - Okay, okay.
I wonder what Geoffrey uses that cape for.
Just..
Give me the lottery ticket.
Alright, watch the door.
Are you sure we should do this?
Look, come on, man. He got our money.
I mean, it's either this or force him
to listen to Yoko Ono albums.
Boys, your mother is driving me crazy
about reading that short story.
Well, gee, dad, why don't you just read it
and get it over with?
I did read it.
Trust me, the only thing your mother should write is checks.
So, if she asks where I am
you haven't seen me and I'm not at home.
- Whoa, whoa, but, Uncle Phil-- - No "Buts," Will.
No matter what she says
you haven't seen hide nor hair of me.
Hi, sweetheart. How long have you been there?
You read it. You read it and you hated it.
No, I lost it. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
And I was so looking forward to reading it.
Oh, well, that's okay 'cause, I made an extra copy. Here.
- And I want you to be honest. - I will.
Oh, check it out. The lottery numbers are coming on!
Turn it up. Turn it up.
Why, Geoffrey, do you have a ticket in today's drawing?
(male #9) 'And this week's SuperLotto numbers are.'
'Sixteen. Twenty-two.'
- 'Three. '- Oh, my..
- 'Forty-one.' - Yes! Yes!
- 'Twelve.' - Yes! Please, God.
Fifteen. Fifteen, please.
(male #10) 'And the last number for the $26,000,000 jackpot..'
'...fifteen!'
[screaming]
I'm rich! I'm rich!
Did someone say "Rich"?
Hey! I don't care how much money you got, brother, you ain't..
What's going on in here?
And don't tell me I'm too young to know
because I'm sick of it.
My friends, this calls for a drink.
- This is incredible. - I'll say.
Uh, uh, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey, now, that's a $500 bottle of champagne.
Ah, the cheap stuff. Not to worry, Phil.
It's on me.
Geoffrey, check it out. Me and Carlton--
Aha, your Montrose vase
attracts dust like a magnet.
G, listen..
Problem solved.
- Okay, G, listen, listen. - Philip.
I have $1,000 with your name on it.
Do the family a favor, get Viv some cooking lessons.
You..
And, Miss Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?
Vroom, vroom?
Very clever, I'll get you two.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
Nice try.
In case you hadn't figured it out..
...I quit.
I quit. I quit.
I quit. I quit. I quit.
Mom and dad are gonna kill us when they find out what we did.
No, they're not, 'cause they're not gonna find out what we did.
Geoffrey's not leaving because I'm gonna do the right thing.
What, tell the truth?
No, I'm gonna beg like Keith Sweat.
♪ Money money money money money ♪
♪ Money money money money.. ♪
Money.
♪ Money money money money money.. ♪
Will, do something.
Will!
You can keep the tape.
I'm buying the O'Jays.
Look, G
we've known each other, you know, a long time, right?
We certainly have.
My God!
All these years.
All these memories.
How do you say goodbye?
Like this, "Goodbye."
Goodbye.
Geoffrey, you remember when you came to us
and you had no money and nowhere to go?
Yes!
Well, some things never change.
Am I missing something?
Yeah, about $26,000,000.
Will did it.
Did what?
We tricked you into thinking you won, G.
What you just watched was a tape of last week's lottery numbers.
[laughing]
How clever.
You used my own ruse against me.
How I admire you.
Die! Die! Die!
Geoffrey, you're killing him.
You catch on quickly, you little twit.
G, G, listen, I said we're sorry.
Oh, I'm.. I'm..
I'm sorry. I must not have heard you.
I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm okay.
Look, G.
It's gonna be alright, man.
Uncle Phil will give you your job back.
What about the money?
There is no money.
I see.
I have no choice but to leave.
I made such a fool of myself.
Ooh, I shudder to think what I said to your parents.
It's alright, G. Come on, man.
I'm too humiliated to stay.
- But Geoffrey, you can't go. - Come on, G.
It was a joke, man.
Will, what are we gonna do?
Look, I don't know about you, man
but I'm gonna take this TV right here, man.
Hey, will you grab that radio, drop it off in my room for me.
You did what?
Are you out of your horny, little adolescent minds?
I know I am, dad.
What you did was not only humiliating
it caused Geoffrey to quit his job.
Look, Uncle Phil, it was just a joke.
A joke I had nothing to do with, dad.
I mean, you know me, I don't even have a sense of humor.
You two have pulled some pranks in your day
but this one, this one takes the cake.
He's about to blow, man.
Make a break for the front door. I'll cover you.
- So. - So.
Tell me, if you were me, what would you do?
I don't know, forget the whole thing
and get us a couple jet skis.
I like that. You go..
Look, you big-eared freeloader
you take the little, square-headed cousin, here
and you find Geoffrey and you bring him back
or they'll never find your bodies.
And I'm a judge. I can make it happen.
You know, really, I don't mind the yelling.
But does he have to spit?
This happens all the time. They think I'm Bryant Gumbel.
Are you the guy from "Webster?"
No.
I told you it was the guy from "Diff'rent Strokes."
So, Bryant, are you sure this the restaurant
Hilary said G was working at?
What are you two nimrods doing here?
- I'm pretty sure. - Look, G.
Come on, man, we want you to come home with us.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
Alright, G, we made a mistake, okay.
What, are you going to hold a grudge forever?
How about until I'm dead?
Geoffrey, you can't let something like this
come between us.
Look, I want you to leave.
I finally found a position where I'm respected and appreciated.
Geoffrey, the urinals need mints. Move it.
Inside joke. You wouldn't understand.
Look, I don't think it's going to work, Will.
Keep hope alive.
Yay, my man!
Look, check it out, me and my partner, here
we need a table preferably by the window. Now.
- Who are you? - Who am I?
You hear him? Who am I?
I'm a black man with a short fuse.
Geoffrey, show them to the table.
Show us to the table.
- Eat fast and get out. - We're not leaving without you.
Look, G, come on, everybody misses you.
Well, get used to it. I can't go back.
You humiliated me.
Geoffrey, we've all been humiliated.
Yeah, how do you think Carlton feels
when he changes into his gym shorts?
That's a very small humiliation.
Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
[bell dings]
Yoo-hoo, waiter.
If I don't get something to drink soon
I'm gonna die.
You promise?
Will, I don't think he's gonna come with us.
Ah, don't worry, baby. Plan B.
Say, miss, check it out, look me and my partner
can't afford nothing on this menu.
Probably, a Vaseline and salt sandwich if they had one.
Check it out, I'll give you $5 for that salad.
- What? - Alright, $6.50.
Wait, check it out, $7 for just the lettuce.
Well, I never..
All this money he paying for this food, girl, you better.
- What's up? What's up? What? - I'm so sorry.
You're embarrassing me.
Well, you know what you have to do to get rid of us.
I know you're trying to get me fired but it won't work.
Just leave.
Oh, my God!
What, are you blind? Your table's on fire. Pay attention.
- You idiot! - What is going on here?
Should I tell him?
Or do you want to, dad?
- This is your son? - Of course not.
Is it our fault you never married mom?
I know she embarrassed you.
She only had one arm
and when you would go to concerts
she clapped like this.
Surely, you don't believe this.
Daddy, you're ashamed of us?
This is my brother, Carlton.
He knows we can't afford any bigger clothes
so he just doesn't grow.
Daddy, I want to grow.
He's never even been on a roller coaster for God's sakes.
You two are really something.
Something good or something bad?
I can't believe you'd go through all this to get me back.
We miss you.
We love you, dad.
Alright. I'll come back home.
Daddy's coming home. Thank you, daddy.
Thank you. Daddy's coming. Thank you. Daddy's coming home.
[scatting]
You so crazy.
'I'm crazy about you, girl.'