[instrumental music]
Well, well, I pressed 180 today.
Eat your heart out.
♪ Dum dum ♪
♪ Dum da-dum ♪
♪ Da-dum da-dum da-dum da-dum ♪
♪ Da-dum da-dum da-dum ♪♪
Way to go, Arnold Schwartzenegro.
You know, I've had it up to here with you right now.
Me and you, mano y mano.Let's go.
- Come on. - You're on.
Go.
[groans]
[screaming]
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxing all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
[instrumental music]
Come on, Carlton, you can't keep moping around
like this forever.
I mean, it's not like you and Paula just
broke up yesterday, man.
You've had the whole weekend to get over it.
Will, sometimes you're so insensitive.
Love isn't something you can just turn on and off.
Carlton, I still think you're blowing this whole thing
out of proportion, man.
Now, I've seen Paula, and..
...I don't see what the attraction was.
What are you talking about?
She's a beautiful, intelligent girl with a dynamite body.
Oh, yeah, I know. I don't see what attracted her to you.
These are jokes, man. Come on, you gotta loosen up.
You gotta have some fun, you got to do something
or go someplace that gets her off your mind.
It's impossible.
Everywhere I turn I see something
that reminds me of her
something we've shared together.
A-a patch of grass, a, a beach blanket
a swing.
Maybe you should go to bed.
Vivian, why are you making a big deal about this?
I say we do it right here, right now.
Oh, good, a floor show.
Geoffrey, this envelope contains Mrs. Banks' sonogram.
It's gonna tell us whether the baby's a boy or a girl.
How can you tell if it's a boy or girl?
Oh, Ashley, you are so naive.
If it's a boy, it's blue.
Come on, I think it's time for another woman-to-woman talk.
Okay, what do you wanna know this time?
Hilary's not planning on having kids, is she?
Philip, I'm not looking at this sonogram.
It'll take away the excitement in the delivery room.
Honey, half the thrill is finding out.
Alright, then it's settled. We don't wanna know.
Of course, in the delivery room
I'm gonna be too busy screaming.
Okay, I wanna know. No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
Now, this is exactly why the doctor
changed his number on us, Vivian.
Now for the last time, do you wanna know or don't you?
No.
Fine, then I'll take the envelope.
I'm not gonna open it. I promise. Trust me.
Tch, tch. Aunt Viv, I don't think so.
See, this is the same dude that said a squirrel
ate that six-pack of milky ways.
I think Geoffrey should hold onto it.
- Fine, and don't give it to us. - No matter how much we insist.
- Got it? - I think I can handle that.
I got dressed all by myself this morning.
I feel good about this, Philip.
I think we're doing the right thing, don't you?
Yes, I agree, baby. We're doing the right thing.
- Um, um, Unc-Uncle Phil? - Hmm?
Eh, c-can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, sure, Will. What is it?
Um..
Look, a-a friend of mine has a little problem
and, you know, I was wondering since you a judge--
I am not reducing bail.
No, Uncle Phil. No, see that's.. See, check it out.
Now, this friend of mine
knows this squaw that he's completely in love with, right.
But this particular squaw just broke up with his best friend.
Now he don't wanna dis his boy or nothing like that, right.
But he wants to know how long is a good time to wait
before he, uh, raids this squaw's village.
- You know what I'm saying? - Oh.
Interesting you should bring that up.
I had a case like that come before me just recently.
- Really? - Word up.
Now, this guy started going out with his best friend's girl
hours after they broke up.
Whoa. He waited that long?
Well, this other guy didn't think it was that long.
He was very jealous and he shot his friend.
- Dead? - No.
Let's just say he's, uh, two olives short of a martini.
Ooh.
So before your friend starts raiding any villages
he better be sure it's worth it.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Paula, how are you doing? It's Will.
Um, look, a-about our date tonight..
I'll rock your world.
[instrumental music]
Psst! Geoffrey, is Mrs. Banks around?
- I believe-- - Shh! Shh!
I believe she's in the study.
- Shall I get her? - No.
No. You do too much running around as it is.
I hate having you run and do everything.
Mr. Banks have you been drinking?
Of course not.
You know and I'd feel a lot better
if you started calling me Phil.
And I'd feel a lot better if you'd wash
your own underthings, Phil.
[chuckles]
Look, Geoffrey, now, I know Mrs. Banks and I
made you promise not to show us that sonogram but, look
I've got to know whether the baby is a boy or girl
and I can make it worth your while.
How does 100 bucks sound?
Like one hell of a night in Tijuana.
Philip Banks, you really should be ashamed of yourself
bribing Geoffrey with $100.
I'll say. At least she offered me 200.
[telephone rings]
Hello. Oh, hi, Paula. Carlton's not here.
Oh, well, who did you wanna talk to?
Just a second.
It's for you.
It's Paula, as in Carlton's ex-girlfriend Paula.
Gee.
I wonder why she want to talk to me?
Maybe I should just find out.
Hey, Paula, how you doing?
Hey, I'm really looking forward to tonight so-so we can..
w-work on some homework.
Yeah, you should probably get some rest, uh
we might have to pull a all-nighter.
Talk to you later.
Will, dating Carlton's ex behind his back isn't nice.
Ashley's right, if Carlton finds out
he may never speak to you again.
Maybe you're on to something.
H-hold up. First, look.
Number one, Carlton is not even dating
this girl no more, okay.
Number two, I ain't seen no rings
on her fingers, okay.
And number three Denise got it going on.
- Paula. - Ooh, you're right.
I hope that doesn't happen tonight.
Boy, that Paula's really bad news.
First she dumps me, now you know what she did?
No. Hmm, Will, do you know?
[mumbling] Nah, I don't know nothing.
I'm just a poor black man trying to make it in Bel-Air.
She gave me the flu.
Wait. Come on. Look on the bright side, Carlton.
Most girls don't give you nothing.
Hi, baby. How was school?
Mommy, I don't feel so good. I think I got the flu.
Oh, that's too bad, baby. Get out of the house.
You know, we're getting more and more
like the Jackson family every day.
Sweetheart, you know I love you, but being pregnant
I cannot take a chance of getting sick now. Now, shoo.
But where will I go?
Well, I guess, you'll have to move
into the pool house.
The pool house?
Daddy, I live in the pool house.
And there's no way I'm giving it up for Carlton.
You wanna start paying rent?
I can be out in an hour.
[instrumental music]
Will, I'm not through with you.
What you're doing is despicable.
And what you're doing is annoying.
Leave me alone.
- Ah-choo! -Gesundheit.
Will, just a week ago she was Carlton's girlfriend.
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Yes, Ashley. It means she's having a better week.
Well, Carlton's gonna put two and two together.
First, Paula had the flu, then Carlton had the flu
and now you have the flu.
Ashley, I think you're giving Carlton too much credit.
I mean, come on, he thinks "X"is the movie
about Malcolm Jamaal Warner's fight for freedom.
Very funny, guys. Why don't you stop spinning?
And who moved the refrigerator all the way over there?
How are you feeling, Carlton?
Remember the "Star Trek" where the insect bored his way
through the guy's brain?
Yeah.
That'd feel kinda good right now.
Ah-choo!
Okay, Will, I'm on to you.
Hey, look, Carl, man, I've no idea what you talking about.
I'm not stupid, Will. I mean, it's all coming together.
The runny nose, the watery eyes.
You just couldn't keep your hands to yourself.
Look, look, Carlton, now, I know you sick.
You probably a little delirious.
You probably had one too many of them
children's aspirins or something.
That piece was mine.
You ain't got to get all nasty.
Well, you shouldn't have done it, Will.
I know, I know, Carlton. I'm-I'm sorry, man.
I should.. I shouldn't have taken Paula out.
You're right, man, but she was coming onto me.
- I couldn't resist, man. - Paula?
I was talking about that last piece of cheesecake.
Yeah, s-so was I, so was I.
[stammering] No. See, you don't know about it.
You ain't hip to it, right. In Philly, we name our food, right?
See, like-like cheesecake is Paula, right?
And, um, a-a snack pack i-i-is Boomsheeka.
I can't see him, you can. Is he buying it?
You backstabbing girlfriend-stealing
piece of rubbish.
Did you really expect me to believe you name your food?
Hey, look, Carlton, I'm telling you, man
it ain't how it seems, man.
Then you didn't go out with my girlfriend behind my back?
Okay, it's exactly how it seems.
But, hey, look, man, I didn't do it for me.
I did it to for you, I did it to save you..
...f-from something terrible.
As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know what it is.
Every time you've tried to hurt me
I've turned the other cheek.
Well, I've run out of cheeks.
Carl, man, what are you tryin' to say?
I'm trying to say that I can't trust you anymore.
That we're no longer family, we're through. Fini,it's over.
Look, Carlton, y-you don't mean that. You'll get over it.
Oh, yeah?
- Carlton, who are you calling? - Your mother.
I know he ain't calling my mother.
Aunt Vy, it's Carlton. Call me when you get home.
No, mom, don't call him!
I wanna tell you, how much I hate Will's guts!
He's lying, mom! He loves me!
No, I don't! Your little slimer has stolen my girl!
Mom, you know Carlton never had no girl!
Well, I'm glad you're out having fun.
'Cause I have to stay here
'cause God only knows what he'll steal.
Give me the phone. Get off!
Hey, mom, thanks for the sweater. Love you.
You've gone over the line, okay?
You don't never call a dude's mom.
Oh, so it's okay to steal a guy's girlfriend
as long as you don't go tell his mommy about it.
No, no, this is serious, man.
Even in ancient times, they would kill your cattle
they would burn your village, and they'd stone your family
but they wouldn't never tell your mother, man.
[imitating will] But I-I did it to save you
from, uh, something you'll know.
A-as soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know.
That's it! We're gonna have to take this to the street, man!
Aunt Viv!
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
Now, listen, as long as you're staying in my home
you've to play by my rules.
No crumbs on the carpet, no hair in the sink
and no dressing up in my clothes, Carlton.
It was Halloween.
You still haven't returned my bustier.
What are you doing here?
Look, man, I don't wanna be here, but I'm sick
and Aunt Viv won't let me stay in the house.
I think you have everything you need.
And now if you'll excuse me
I'm going to spend a quiet evening
with my radio and Madonna.
Look like you spending the evening with Little Richard.
I don't care what mom says. You're not stayin' here.
Why don't you go stay with Paula?
She asked. Her parents wouldn't let me.
She has parents? She never introduced me to her parents.
She told me they were dead.
Oh, I really, really hate you!
I hate you, too. Just get out of my bed!
Oh, man, nice, firm mattress
just like the one at Paula's house.
First you steal my woman, and now you steal my bed.
Look, man, let's get something straight right now.
I didn't steal your woman.
I rescued her, and she thanked me
over and over and over..
♪ Raindrops keep fallin' on my head ♪
♪ Just like a guy whose feet are too.. ♪
Alright, alright, stop singing!
Over and over and over!
Why don't you act like an adult?
Why don't you look like one?
Well, obviously there's no reasoning with you.
Look, you just stay on your side of the room
and I'll stay on mine.
Fine! This is my side of the room.
Hey, that's not fair!
Guess I'll watch a little TV
seeing as how it's on my side of the room.
Yo, where's the remote?
On my side of the room.
- Well, toss it here. - Whatever you say.
[splash]
Go get it!
Make me.
[grunting]
I cut my eye!
[whining]
- Will, you okay? - Hyah!
[instrumental music]
Thank you for giving me the night off.
Oh, can I get you anything else?
No, get out of here, you knucklehead.
[laughing]
Goodnight.
- Philip, I want that sonogram! - Yes!
- There's nothing here or here. - It's gotta be here!
We've searched the whole house, Vivian.
Oh, what if he's got it on him?
- Ah! Found it! - You found the sonogram?
No, it's that little chocolate bunny from Easter.
I've been looking all over for it.
Philip, honey, at least take off the foil.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, my head is killing me. - My throat hurts.
[phone ringing]
[groans]
- Now my ears are ringing. - Mine, too.
(Hilary on automated machine) 'Hi, this is Hilary.'
'Roses are red, violets are blue'
I'm not in so..
So-so leave a, um..
[phone beeps]
(Paula on phone) 'Hi, honey, it's Paula. I just heard you're sick.'
'Oh, my poor little baby. This is all my fault, isn't it?'
- It's for me, man. - No, it's not, it's for me.
(Paula on phone) 'I wish I could be there with you.'
'I bet I know how to make you feel better.'
'First I'd nibble on your left ear.'
'Then I'd bite you on your neck.'
'Then I'd.. Oops! There's my other line.'
Hello?
Now look what you did, you idiot.
You made me miss her call.
That wasn't for you. It was for me.
Carlton, give it up, man. She dumped you.
You're like Prince Charles. You've got the royal flush.
Oh, I'm gonna beat your butt.
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do?
Jump up and bang your head against it?
- Come on. Put your dukes up. - Come on, boy.
And there's more where that came from..
...maybe not.
Hey, Carlton.
I'm gonna do something, that's totally outside my nature
and I'm gonna take Uncle Phil's advice.
You're gonna go play on the freeway?
No, man. I'm-I'm gonna be straight up with you.
I'll tell you everything that happened between me and Paula.
First time you brought her over here, man
I thought she was so fine.
And I-I wanted y'all to break up.
That's very honest, Will, but I'm still mad!
I guess I'll have to live with it.
Wait. Th-there's more.
I told her you had tuberculosis.
- You what? - I-I don't know, man.
It just came to me. I'm sorry, man.
I can't believe you did that!
Well, I'm gonna dig way down, deep inside
and maybe in time I'll be able to forgive you.
Wait.
Th-there's more.
I told her about your hand puppet.
You told her about Binky? I'll kill you!
No, I won't. I'm bigger than that.
I guess I'll be honest, too.
You remember when Lateesha suddenly stopped calling you?
Yeah.
Well, I told her you worshipped satan.
[exhales]
A-a-alright, alright, alright. I guess-guess fair is fair.
I'm a man. I can live with that. I can live with that.
Wait. There's more.
You notice how Ashley has been acting very funny
around you lately?
Yeah.
Well, I told her you shave your legs.
- What kind of monster are you? - Sorry, Will.
I was just feeling a little jealous of your relationships.
No, no, that's unforgivable! That's totally unforgivable!
Uh, wait.
There's more.
You-you remember your friend Jazz?
Oh, my God. What did you do with Jazz?
You know that funky smell coming from the basement?
Psych! This honesty thing feels great.
What do you say we tell Geoffrey why his citizenship
never came through?
[instrumental music]
Mmm, this smells delicious.
You've really outdone yourself, mom.
- Great oatmeal, mom. - Thank you.
Um, A-Aunt Viv?
I-in keeping with this-this new honesty thing
th-this stuff kind of tastes like drywall
with raisins in it.
[chuckles]
And, Uncle Phil, you know
you really shouldn't wear silk no more
'cause like when big folks wear silk--
Well, since we're all being honest with each other
I'm bloody sick of the two of you going through my drawers.
Here's your envelope.
I hope you get what you want.
Well, keeping with all this honesty
I really wanna see what we're having.
You mean this isn't oatmeal?
I wanna know, too, Philip. Okay, let's..
Let's have a look at that sonogram.
- Oh, my God! - What is it? A boy or girl?
This isn't a sonogram. It's a bill for $25,000!
This baby's costing me a fortune!
Congratulations! You're having a Hilary!
[instrumental music]
(Vivian) 'Philip, you found the sonogram?'
No, the little chocolate Easter bunny.
I've been looking at it for..
You found the sonogram?
No, it's that little Easter chocolate bunny.
I've been looking for..
- You found the sonogram? - No.
It's that little chocolate bunny from Easter.
I've been looking at it, looking at it all week..
(Vivian) It's the little chocolate Easter bunny!
[instrumental music]