[intense music]
No, no, don't, please. Please, don't shoot.
[gun clicks]
[Geoffrey screams]
What's going on in here?
Oh, my God. Geoffrey, don't move.
There's a dart on your forehead.
Really? I hadn't noticed.
Look, Carlton, Geoffrey's been shot.
Cool.
You people don't pay me enough for this.
[scoffs] Quiet, Geoffrey, you're dead.
Then you couldn't possibly feel me do this.
Ow!
Well, one down, three to go.
Wait. Is anybody going to tell me what's going on?
We're playing Whodunit.
See, one of us is the killer
and we have to find out who it is.
I say, we already know.
You and I were together in the other room, Ashley
and now Geoffrey's worm chow.
So that leaves only one suspect.
Honey, I'm home.
Hey, Lucy.
Ethel, hello.
Look, it's little Ricky.
Oh, y'all should go check outside.
Somebody was trampling through Aunt Viv's garden.
Nice try, Will.
You got Geoffrey, but you're not gonna get me alone.
Come on, Ashley, we're going to the bathroom.
What is he talking about? I ain't kill nobody.
Yeah, and George Bush is really looking forward
to playing with his grandchildren.
[creaking]
[intense music]
Man, this is whack. Don't nobody believe me.
Oh, but I bet you do, right?
[gun clicks]
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story ♪
♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started making trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[inhales]
[panting]
[exhales]
[inhales]
Good, Aunt Vivian. Good, Aunt Vivian.
Here, beg for a Scooby Snack.
Cut it out.
I'm trying to practice my breathing for Lamaze class.
Hmm, I don't know, Aunt Viv.
Seem to me all that heavy breathing
is what got you in this mess in the first place.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hello, sweetheart. - 'Hi, honey.'
- Hi, Will. - 'Hey, Uncle Phil.'
You ready for your Lamaze class?
Philip, you mean, you actually wanna take me?
I was waiting for some lame excuse.
Last week, you said your dog died.
- He did. - Philip, he died 20 years ago.
Still hurts.
Hey, hey, hey. Come on, Aunt Viv.
Now this is the most straight-up, honest dude I know.
Hey, the day that he lies to you, may all my hair fall out.
[chuckles] Thank you, Will.
Come on, sweetheart, we don't want to be late.
Okay. Let me get the bags here.
- Oh! Aah! - Philip.
- Philip, what's the matter? - It's my back, went out.
I.. You know, I think maybe..
If I could lay down on the couch for a couple of hours
you know?
[groans]
Oh, my God, is my hairline recedin'?
Come on, Philip, sit down.
Now, Will, we all know your uncle's got back problems.
[groans]
Now, relax, sweetheart.
Okay, I'll go to class again, alone.
Will, would you take my duffel bag out to the car for me?
Yeah, yeah, that's fine, Aunt Viv.
[groaning]
[groaning continues]
[laughs] Yes!
Freeze, bubble-butt!
Oh, this could get ugly.
Philip, what do you have to say for yourself?
Uh.. Uh.. Uh.. Uh..
Good answer, Admiral Stockdale.
Philip, this is very important to me.
I mean, after all, you missed all the other births
of your other children.
Well, it wasn't my fault. Fathers weren't allowed
in the delivery room back then.
Well, they are now
and I would like you to share this experience.
Well, I intend to.
I will be pacing up and down in the waiting room
where a man's supposed to be.
Well, fine. If that's the way you feel, forget it!
Oh, wait, Vivian.
- Mm, mm-mm. - And what's your problem?
Well, don't be trying to make up with me now.
I'm all pregnant. My feet, my back, and stuff hurt
and you being all insensitive.
Ah! Here's our little mother.
There we go, madam, a nice glass of milk.
Got to keep our strength up, eh?
Back off, Geoffrey.
- Oh, pop a Midol. - Geoffrey, I'm sorry.
I'm just a little upset with Mr. Banks, that's all.
He refuses to be my Lamaze coach.
So, um, I'm gonna need one of you kids to go with me.
- Sorry, homework. - Tennis lesson.
I just don't want to.
Madam, are you sure you want another one?
[groans]
Wait a minute, here. Look, what is the matter with y'all?
I mean, this is your mother. She's having a baby.
[sighs]
Look, A-Aunt Viv, if I was one of your kids..
...I'd be short with a square head but..
...but I'd be more than happy to be your coach.
Whoa! Aunt Viv, well, it was a joke. You can't take a joke?
Oh, come on, Will. I'm gonna be doing all the work.
All you have to do is cheer me on. Come on.
Oh, well, well, that's cool.
♪ Go Vivian get busy have a baby see you later ♪♪
Will, come on, stop it.
Honey, this is a classroom, not a delivery room.
There's nothing here to embarrass you. Come on.
[screaming]
- Aunt Viv, you naked yet? - Will, would you calm down?
No one is gonna get naked. Come on.
Whoa, whoa, Aunt Viv, who is she?
Man, she is all that. She's fine.
She's one of The Fat Boys.
- Hi, Danny. - Oh, hey, Viv.
How are you?
Ooh! Hey, you know, can you do me a favor?
I have not seen my feet since Lent.
Can you, uh, tell me, do my shoes match?
Uh, no.
Ugh! Damn.
Well..
I see, uh, Phil stood you up again, huh?
- Right. - Who's the designated hitter?
- Oh, this is my nephew. - Oh, hey.
- How you doing? I'm Will. - Danny Mitchell.
Yeah. So, uh, I guess your husband will be showing up
any minute, huh?
- No, he's in Mexico. - Oh, on vacation?
No, on his secretary.
But don't worry, he's not having a good time.
I filled his thong with BENGAY.
Ooh! Remind me to stay on your good side, Danny.
Mm-hmm.
Well, what's so funny?
Oh, no, no, it's-it's just that a dude named Danny Mitchell
is my favorite sportswriter.
Oh! Well, you know, I could introduce you.
Word?
Hey, how you doing?
Well, wait, you're the Danny Mitchell?
- Mm-hmm. - Wait, wait, hold it.
I heard Charles Barkley on the radio talking about
him and Danny was gonna rumble in the parking lot
after the Laker game.
[laughs] He won't show up, that wuss.
Alrighty, coaches
let's get our mommies in a comfy position.
- Will? - What?
Oh,! Oh! That's right. I'm-I'm so sorry, Aunt Viv.
- That's good. - Are you alright?
- Yeah. - Okay.
You need some help there, Danny?
[sighs] Why, you got a forklift?
- Thank you. - Uh, Will?
What?
Aren't you forgetting something?
Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Viv. Hey, thanks a lot.
I'll help you, Vivian.
Now, I-I apologize.
You were right. I have a responsibility
and-and I need to be here tonight.
No, you don't. You just don't want to sleep on the couch
Philip.
Well, I hate sleeping on that thing. It's all lumpy.
Uh, remember, partners, lots of touching and hugging.
Show each other how you really feel.
Ow!
I showed up, didn't I?
Oh, yeah, Philip, for all the wrong reasons.
What is your problem, honey?
Having a baby is spiritual, and wonderful, and miraculous.
Well, it doesn't sound miraculous. It sounds yucky.
Well, you should have thought about that seven months ago
before that second bottle of wine, Philip.
- Wait a minute. Ow! - No!
Vivian. Vivian, wait a minute. Now, Vivian, come on.
Hey, Uncle Phil, how's your back?
- Are they always like this? - Oh, no, sometimes they fight.
Look, you better go out. They might need a ref.
Oh, no, no, that's cool. I'll stay here and help you out.
Oh, great.
Well, Will, I guess I owe you one.
You know what?
I am covering the Laker game on Saturday night.
You want to watch from the press box?
- From the press box? - Uh-huh.
[gasps]
Okay, I can't breathe.
Okay, come on. Lie back here. Okay, take it slow.
Take it slow. Breathe deeply. Breathe deeply.
Okay, focus. Focus with me.
[breathing]
[instrumental music]
[laughing] Heck of a game, huh?
- Yeah. - Can I get you anything else?
No, thanks, Tone. This is fine.
Cool.
- What, nothing for you, Will? - Uh, no, no, thanks.
I'm still tripping over that game. Oh, it was hype.
Like, Worthy passes to Vlade.
Vlade back to Byron Scott. Byron Scott back to Vlade.
Vlade gets the ball back to Worthy.
Worthy gets it, stuffs, pop.
The Lakers win the game! The Lakers win the game!
You know what the high point of the game was for me, huh?
What? When you punched Jack Nicholson
in the nose for touching your stomach?
Mm-hmm.
Ooh! Ooh!
Indigestion.
I guess I shouldn't have had that third chili dog, huh?
[chuckles]
[grunts]
So what's with this free-trade agreement?
They gonna set it up demographically, or what?
Tony, why aren't you driving?
'Cause nobody else is. The parking lot's all jammed up.
You gonna eat those fries?
- Uh-oh! - What? What's the matter?
Uh, my water broke.
Oh, that's cool. We got another one, right here in the fridge.
No, no, no.
I mean, I think I'm having the baby.
Oh! I just had the car cleaned.
Can't you hold it for a couple of hours?
[groaning]
I think that means, "No, Tone." Do something, man!
You think I got time to Scotchgard?
The woman's having a baby, you idiot.
Hey, I have feelings, you know.
Hey, I'm sorry, Tone. Hey, Tone..
Will, Will, Will, I need you. Stay.
Alright, alright, alright, it's-it's cool, Danny.
Um, alright, I-I know exactly what to do.
Help!
Damn you. I said, "Help!"
Hey, is there a doctor in the parking lot?
- 'I'm a doctor.' - Oh! Thank God.
Hey, look, doc, I-I got a lady in here having a baby.
Yeah, you-you're going to have to climb over that car.
Yeah, that's good. Alright, come on.
Wait, yo, look out. Don't, man.
[car horn blaring]
[thud]
Is there a doctor for the doctor?
- Hey, how's it going, Danny? - Not too bad.
It's kind of like trying to squeeze
Della Reese out of a Hyundai!
Alright, alright, it's cool.
Alright, look, I'm calling 911.
911! 911!
Oh, don't bother. We're in wall-to-wall traffic.
No ambulance can get through this.
[groaning]
[screaming]
[both screaming]
Wait, here comes another one. This time you better time me.
Alright. Alright.
[both screaming]
Oh, my God. They're ten seconds apart. You're having a baby.
- Oh, you think? - Alright.
Danny, alright, look, look, look, I-I know what to do.
I-I'll call Aunt Viv.
That's it, that's it. She'll know what to do.
Okay. Okay.
- Hello? - 'Hi,Will.'
Wait, wait, wait, slow down, slow down.
I can't understand you.
No, I don't know where mom is.
Wait, what's the problem?
Sure. Look, Will, I don't have time for your little pranks.
I have a date.
What are you doing?
Look, I'm not even playing that stupid murder game, so..
Look, don't aim that thing at me.
Hilary, are you there?
[gun clicks]
[Hilary screams]
Well, I hope you're all happy.
Now I'm gonna have a big, ugly, red circle
in the middle of my forehead.
I'll look just like Carlton's yearbook picture.
Hil-Hilary, no, no, don't hang up! Hilary.
[laughing]
- Danny, what are we gonna do? - This is unbelievable.
I'm going through all this in the back of a limo
because of what went on in the back of my Jeep.
[laughing]
Wow, I got to get me a Jeep.
Look, look, Danny, can-can you do me
like, like, one real big favor?
Sure, what is it?
Please don't have this baby now!
Relax. Relax.
I took the classes. I read the books. I can handle it, yeah.
I can't take it! I can't take it! I can't take it!
[screaming]
Help!
(male #1) 'Sorry, buddy, there ain't no doctor out here.'
Hey, man, I don't need a doctor, I need an exorcist.
[screaming]
Will, Will, there's a bottle of Dom Perignon
over in the bar over there.
Get it.
I-I don't think so, Danny.
You seem like you might be kind of a mean drunk.
Oh, I don't want to drink it.
I want you to smack me over the head with it!
- What? - Just until I pass out.
Oh! Oh! This baby's on its way
and I think it's bringing luggage.
[screaming]
No way. It can't be on its way now.
You've only been in labor for ten minutes.
Oh, tell him. He's coming!
Oh, get out of my way.
Wait, Danny, Danny, Danny, where are you going?
If I run really fast
I can get back to the forum and have my baby on the floor
of the ladies' room with some dignity.
Wait, Danny, wait. Hold on.
Alright, you win. Where's that champagne bottle?
Right there. Right there.
- Yo, guess who? - Not now, man.
We got an emergency in here.
Hence, Dr. Finkelbaum.
- Hey, you a doctor, man? - Yeah.
I love you, man. I love you. Go. Go. Move.
So, uh, what seems to be the problem here?
I broke a nail. What the hell do you think?
Alright. Alright. Lie back.
Ju-just relax, Danny. He's here to help you.
Hey, Tone, what took you so long?
I was looking for a doctor
and I found an MD license plate.
I yanked the guy out of his car
and then I realized MD stands for Mike Ditka.
Fortunately, the car he threw me up against
belonged to Dr. Finkelbaum here.
Is this the lady having a baby?
Yeah. Hey, thanks a lot. Right this way.
Hey, man, we got some sodas in the fridge.
I called him from Finkelbaum's car.
I called him from Ditka's car.
Come on in. We got some brews, a little bit of Malt Duck.
[Danny panting]
Get this kid out of me.
I got to make a phone call. I suddenly miss my mother.
Well, Danny, uh, thanks for a wonderful evening.
Um, I'll call you.
Oh, no, Will, don't leave me.
[panting]
Alright, alright, Danny, Danny
alright, I'll-I'll stay here, and I'll help you focus.
Focus? I don't want to focus. I want drugs!
Now, get out in that parking lot and score!
(Finkelbaum) 'Here we go.'
It's Danny, isn't it? Bear down.
Alright, look, look, Danny, Danny
think of it as the World Series, alright?
Alright, Alomar is rounding third. Here comes the throw.
- Slide, Danny, slide. - 'Here comes your baby, Danny.'
[screaming]
'Push!'
[both screaming]
[instrumental music]
[baby crying]
Here you are, Danny. A beautiful healthy boy.
Oh.
- You want to hold him? - Uh, no, no, thanks.
I'll wait till somebody run him through a car wash or something.
[crying]
- Come here, man. - Yeah, calm him down.
Hey.
♪ Get busy put your thing down it's your birthday ♪♪
[chuckles]
[sighs] It's been one hell of a night, huh, Danny?
Phew! And look, I went and saved the best for last.
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
[instrumental music]
Yo, yo, yo. Anybody home?
Shabba!
Get off me, man.
Uncle Phil, what are you doing sleeping on the couch?
Uh, w-well, my chiropractor recommended it.
Uh, as you know, Will, I have a separation
in my lower lumbar area and the couch is perfect to align my..
- She threw you out, huh? - You got that right.
[sighs]
Hear you had a pretty full night, too, huh?
Oh, man, Uncle Phil, I got to tell you
when Danny went into labor, man
I was trying to get the heck out of there.
Oh, I heard that.
But then it was, like, all of a sudden
it was, um, a little alive wiggly thing, you know?
Ten fingers, and ten toes, and everything. It was so small.
Phew! I was the first person the baby saw, you know, upside down.
Sounds like quite an experience, Will.
It was. Phew!
Oh, well, I'm gonna go give Danny a call at the hospital.
See how little Jackie Robinson Mitchell
is doing, huh?
- Hey, goodnight, Uncle Phil. - Goodnight, Will.
Well, bet you feel like a big dope, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Vivian, I made a decision.
[sighs]
I really want to be in the room when you give birth.
Not just because you want me there
but because I want to be the first person
our baby sees upside down.
Oh, Philip, that's a beautiful thing to say.
But I'm afraid, honey, that I'm gonna have to kill you anyway.
[intense music]
Oh, no, Viv. No, Vivian!
[screams]
[instrumental music]
And look, I went and saved the best for last.
Whoops! Oh!
[both laughing]