1 00:00:01,189 --> 00:00:03,100 [intense music] 2 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,269 No, no, don't, please. Please, don't shoot. 3 00:00:20,289 --> 00:00:22,019 [gun clicks] 4 00:00:22,039 --> 00:00:23,149 [Geoffrey screams] 5 00:00:24,269 --> 00:00:26,149 What's going on in here? 6 00:00:29,210 --> 00:00:33,130 Oh, my God. Geoffrey, don't move. 7 00:00:33,149 --> 00:00:35,079 There's a dart on your forehead. 8 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:39,070 Really? I hadn't noticed. 9 00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:42,009 Look, Carlton, Geoffrey's been shot. 10 00:00:42,030 --> 00:00:43,149 Cool. 11 00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:45,229 You people don't pay me enough for this. 12 00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:48,049 [scoffs] Quiet, Geoffrey, you're dead. 13 00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:50,179 Then you couldn't possibly feel me do this. 14 00:00:51,109 --> 00:00:52,229 Ow! 15 00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:57,189 Well, one down, three to go. 16 00:00:57,210 --> 00:01:00,009 Wait. Is anybody going to tell me what's going on? 17 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:01,009 We're playing Whodunit. 18 00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,049 See, one of us is the killer 19 00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:03,179 and we have to find out who it is. 20 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,090 I say, we already know. 21 00:01:05,109 --> 00:01:07,049 You and I were together in the other room, Ashley 22 00:01:07,069 --> 00:01:09,200 and now Geoffrey's worm chow. 23 00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:13,049 So that leaves only one suspect. 24 00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:14,280 Honey, I'm home. 25 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,280 Hey, Lucy. 26 00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,210 Ethel, hello. 27 00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:24,090 Look, it's little Ricky. 28 00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:25,289 Oh, y'all should go check outside. 29 00:01:26,010 --> 00:01:28,120 Somebody was trampling through Aunt Viv's garden. 30 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:30,010 Nice try, Will. 31 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:32,129 You got Geoffrey, but you're not gonna get me alone. 32 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,200 Come on, Ashley, we're going to the bathroom. 33 00:01:38,219 --> 00:01:40,200 What is he talking about? I ain't kill nobody. 34 00:01:40,219 --> 00:01:42,159 Yeah, and George Bush is really looking forward 35 00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:44,099 to playing with his grandchildren. 36 00:01:46,229 --> 00:01:48,240 [creaking] 37 00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,240 [intense music] 38 00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:54,099 Man, this is whack. Don't nobody believe me. 39 00:01:57,049 --> 00:01:59,099 Oh, but I bet you do, right? 40 00:02:01,090 --> 00:02:03,079 [gun clicks] 41 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:08,069 [theme song] 42 00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:10,000 ♪ Now this is a story ♪ 43 00:02:10,020 --> 00:02:13,030 ♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪ 44 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,169 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 45 00:02:15,189 --> 00:02:16,289 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 46 00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:18,229 ♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 47 00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:29,270 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 48 00:02:29,289 --> 00:02:32,170 ♪ On the playground was where I spent most of my days ♪ 49 00:02:32,189 --> 00:02:34,170 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 50 00:02:34,189 --> 00:02:37,020 ♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪ 51 00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,229 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 52 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,170 ♪ Started making trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 53 00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:44,129 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 54 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:46,210 ♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 55 00:02:46,229 --> 00:02:49,039 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 56 00:02:49,060 --> 00:02:51,150 ♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 57 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,229 ♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪ 58 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:57,150 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 59 00:02:57,170 --> 00:03:00,229 ♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪ 60 00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:03,139 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪ 61 00:03:03,159 --> 00:03:05,229 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 62 00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:08,159 ♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪ 63 00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,170 [instrumental music] 64 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:20,280 [inhales] 65 00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:22,210 [panting] 66 00:03:22,229 --> 00:03:23,289 [exhales] 67 00:03:24,009 --> 00:03:25,189 [inhales] 68 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:28,180 Good, Aunt Vivian. Good, Aunt Vivian. 69 00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:30,180 Here, beg for a Scooby Snack. 70 00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:33,180 Cut it out. 71 00:03:33,199 --> 00:03:37,099 I'm trying to practice my breathing for Lamaze class. 72 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,189 Hmm, I don't know, Aunt Viv. 73 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,030 Seem to me all that heavy breathing 74 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,020 is what got you in this mess in the first place. 75 00:03:44,009 --> 00:03:46,000 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 76 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,159 - Hello, sweetheart. - 'Hi, honey.' 77 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,259 - Hi, Will. - 'Hey, Uncle Phil.' 78 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,099 You ready for your Lamaze class? 79 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,250 Philip, you mean, you actually wanna take me? 80 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:54,050 I was waiting for some lame excuse. 81 00:03:54,069 --> 00:03:56,110 Last week, you said your dog died. 82 00:03:56,129 --> 00:03:59,199 - He did. - Philip, he died 20 years ago. 83 00:03:59,219 --> 00:04:01,030 Still hurts. 84 00:04:02,039 --> 00:04:03,150 Hey, hey, hey. Come on, Aunt Viv. 85 00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:05,139 Now this is the most straight-up, honest dude I know. 86 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:07,259 Hey, the day that he lies to you, may all my hair fall out. 87 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,169 [chuckles] Thank you, Will. 88 00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:11,099 Come on, sweetheart, we don't want to be late. 89 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,199 Okay. Let me get the bags here. 90 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,280 - Oh! Aah! - Philip. 91 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:19,110 - Philip, what's the matter? - It's my back, went out. 92 00:04:19,129 --> 00:04:21,000 I.. You know, I think maybe.. 93 00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:23,120 If I could lay down on the couch for a couple of hours 94 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,019 you know? 95 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,120 [groans] 96 00:04:26,139 --> 00:04:28,180 Oh, my God, is my hairline recedin'? 97 00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:32,149 Come on, Philip, sit down. 98 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,230 Now, Will, we all know your uncle's got back problems. 99 00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,259 [groans] 100 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,060 Now, relax, sweetheart. 101 00:04:37,079 --> 00:04:40,060 Okay, I'll go to class again, alone. 102 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:42,170 Will, would you take my duffel bag out to the car for me? 103 00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,050 Yeah, yeah, that's fine, Aunt Viv. 104 00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:48,129 [groaning] 105 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,269 [groaning continues] 106 00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:06,240 [laughs] Yes! 107 00:05:11,139 --> 00:05:13,040 Freeze, bubble-butt! 108 00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:18,230 Oh, this could get ugly. 109 00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:20,259 Philip, what do you have to say for yourself? 110 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:24,069 Uh.. Uh.. Uh.. Uh.. 111 00:05:24,089 --> 00:05:26,009 Good answer, Admiral Stockdale. 112 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,199 Philip, this is very important to me. 113 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:32,279 I mean, after all, you missed all the other births 114 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,139 of your other children. 115 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,259 Well, it wasn't my fault. Fathers weren't allowed 116 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:37,000 in the delivery room back then. 117 00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:38,090 Well, they are now 118 00:05:38,110 --> 00:05:40,090 and I would like you to share this experience. 119 00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:41,170 Well, I intend to. 120 00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:43,149 I will be pacing up and down in the waiting room 121 00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,279 where a man's supposed to be. 122 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,019 Well, fine. If that's the way you feel, forget it! 123 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,170 Oh, wait, Vivian. 124 00:05:50,139 --> 00:05:53,189 - Mm, mm-mm. - And what's your problem? 125 00:05:53,209 --> 00:05:56,110 Well, don't be trying to make up with me now. 126 00:05:58,050 --> 00:06:00,129 I'm all pregnant. My feet, my back, and stuff hurt 127 00:06:00,149 --> 00:06:02,110 and you being all insensitive. 128 00:06:04,050 --> 00:06:06,199 Ah! Here's our little mother. 129 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:10,279 There we go, madam, a nice glass of milk. 130 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,029 Got to keep our strength up, eh? 131 00:06:13,050 --> 00:06:14,199 Back off, Geoffrey. 132 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:18,009 - Oh, pop a Midol. - Geoffrey, I'm sorry. 133 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:21,000 I'm just a little upset with Mr. Banks, that's all. 134 00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:23,149 He refuses to be my Lamaze coach. 135 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:29,160 So, um, I'm gonna need one of you kids to go with me. 136 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:33,139 - Sorry, homework. - Tennis lesson. 137 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,100 I just don't want to. 138 00:06:38,069 --> 00:06:41,019 Madam, are you sure you want another one? 139 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,000 [groans] 140 00:06:43,019 --> 00:06:44,240 Wait a minute, here. Look, what is the matter with y'all? 141 00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,269 I mean, this is your mother. She's having a baby. 142 00:06:48,129 --> 00:06:49,139 [sighs] 143 00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:54,000 Look, A-Aunt Viv, if I was one of your kids.. 144 00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:56,129 ...I'd be short with a square head but.. 145 00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,189 ...but I'd be more than happy to be your coach. 146 00:07:03,259 --> 00:07:06,250 Whoa! Aunt Viv, well, it was a joke. You can't take a joke? 147 00:07:06,269 --> 00:07:09,139 Oh, come on, Will. I'm gonna be doing all the work. 148 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,269 All you have to do is cheer me on. Come on. 149 00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:13,160 Oh, well, well, that's cool. 150 00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:17,120 ♪ Go Vivian get busy have a baby see you later ♪♪ 151 00:07:17,139 --> 00:07:19,170 Will, come on, stop it. 152 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,110 Honey, this is a classroom, not a delivery room. 153 00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:25,000 There's nothing here to embarrass you. Come on. 154 00:07:28,170 --> 00:07:30,279 [screaming] 155 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,149 - Aunt Viv, you naked yet? - Will, would you calm down? 156 00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,290 No one is gonna get naked. Come on. 157 00:07:48,189 --> 00:07:51,209 Whoa, whoa, Aunt Viv, who is she? 158 00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,090 Man, she is all that. She's fine. 159 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:57,189 She's one of The Fat Boys. 160 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,069 - Hi, Danny. - Oh, hey, Viv. 161 00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:03,290 How are you? 162 00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:06,079 Ooh! Hey, you know, can you do me a favor? 163 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,050 I have not seen my feet since Lent. 164 00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:11,180 Can you, uh, tell me, do my shoes match? 165 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,110 Uh, no. 166 00:08:13,129 --> 00:08:15,149 Ugh! Damn. 167 00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:17,069 Well.. 168 00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:19,120 I see, uh, Phil stood you up again, huh? 169 00:08:19,139 --> 00:08:21,220 - Right. - Who's the designated hitter? 170 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,269 - Oh, this is my nephew. - Oh, hey. 171 00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:27,100 - How you doing? I'm Will. - Danny Mitchell. 172 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,120 Yeah. So, uh, I guess your husband will be showing up 173 00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:31,230 any minute, huh? 174 00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:35,129 - No, he's in Mexico. - Oh, on vacation? 175 00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:37,240 No, on his secretary. 176 00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,230 But don't worry, he's not having a good time. 177 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:42,090 I filled his thong with BENGAY. 178 00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:46,049 Ooh! Remind me to stay on your good side, Danny. 179 00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:47,230 Mm-hmm. 180 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,139 Well, what's so funny? 181 00:08:49,159 --> 00:08:51,200 Oh, no, no, it's-it's just that a dude named Danny Mitchell 182 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:53,049 is my favorite sportswriter. 183 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:56,110 Oh! Well, you know, I could introduce you. 184 00:08:56,129 --> 00:08:57,149 Word? 185 00:08:57,169 --> 00:09:00,049 Hey, how you doing? 186 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,059 Well, wait, you're the Danny Mitchell? 187 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,250 - Mm-hmm. - Wait, wait, hold it. 188 00:09:03,269 --> 00:09:05,129 I heard Charles Barkley on the radio talking about 189 00:09:05,149 --> 00:09:07,059 him and Danny was gonna rumble in the parking lot 190 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,139 after the Laker game. 191 00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:11,250 [laughs] He won't show up, that wuss. 192 00:09:11,269 --> 00:09:13,149 Alrighty, coaches 193 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:16,100 let's get our mommies in a comfy position. 194 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,000 - Will? - What? 195 00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:20,129 Oh,! Oh! That's right. I'm-I'm so sorry, Aunt Viv. 196 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,139 - That's good. - Are you alright? 197 00:09:23,159 --> 00:09:24,259 - Yeah. - Okay. 198 00:09:24,279 --> 00:09:26,039 You need some help there, Danny? 199 00:09:26,059 --> 00:09:28,070 [sighs] Why, you got a forklift? 200 00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:31,070 - Thank you. - Uh, Will? 201 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:32,149 What? 202 00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:33,240 Aren't you forgetting something? 203 00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:37,110 Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Viv. Hey, thanks a lot. 204 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,039 I'll help you, Vivian. 205 00:09:43,259 --> 00:09:45,200 Now, I-I apologize. 206 00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:47,159 You were right. I have a responsibility 207 00:09:47,179 --> 00:09:50,000 and-and I need to be here tonight. 208 00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:52,169 No, you don't. You just don't want to sleep on the couch 209 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,019 Philip. 210 00:09:54,039 --> 00:09:57,059 Well, I hate sleeping on that thing. It's all lumpy. 211 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,240 Uh, remember, partners, lots of touching and hugging. 212 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:09,240 Show each other how you really feel. 213 00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:11,259 Ow! 214 00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:13,070 I showed up, didn't I? 215 00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:15,080 Oh, yeah, Philip, for all the wrong reasons. 216 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,269 What is your problem, honey? 217 00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:20,059 Having a baby is spiritual, and wonderful, and miraculous. 218 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,149 Well, it doesn't sound miraculous. It sounds yucky. 219 00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:25,179 Well, you should have thought about that seven months ago 220 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,110 before that second bottle of wine, Philip. 221 00:10:27,129 --> 00:10:28,240 - Wait a minute. Ow! - No! 222 00:10:28,259 --> 00:10:33,080 Vivian. Vivian, wait a minute. Now, Vivian, come on. 223 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,029 Hey, Uncle Phil, how's your back? 224 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:41,230 - Are they always like this? - Oh, no, sometimes they fight. 225 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:44,019 Look, you better go out. They might need a ref. 226 00:10:44,039 --> 00:10:47,009 Oh, no, no, that's cool. I'll stay here and help you out. 227 00:10:47,029 --> 00:10:49,019 Oh, great. 228 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,120 Well, Will, I guess I owe you one. 229 00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:52,179 You know what? 230 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,049 I am covering the Laker game on Saturday night. 231 00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,129 You want to watch from the press box? 232 00:10:57,149 --> 00:10:59,059 - From the press box? - Uh-huh. 233 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,159 [gasps] 234 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:04,029 Okay, I can't breathe. 235 00:11:06,029 --> 00:11:08,250 Okay, come on. Lie back here. Okay, take it slow. 236 00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:12,090 Take it slow. Breathe deeply. Breathe deeply. 237 00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:14,169 Okay, focus. Focus with me. 238 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:17,019 [breathing] 239 00:11:21,049 --> 00:11:23,059 [instrumental music] 240 00:11:28,049 --> 00:11:30,039 [laughing] Heck of a game, huh? 241 00:11:30,059 --> 00:11:31,149 - Yeah. - Can I get you anything else? 242 00:11:31,169 --> 00:11:33,009 No, thanks, Tone. This is fine. 243 00:11:33,029 --> 00:11:34,149 Cool. 244 00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:38,259 - What, nothing for you, Will? - Uh, no, no, thanks. 245 00:11:38,279 --> 00:11:41,200 I'm still tripping over that game. Oh, it was hype. 246 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:43,250 Like, Worthy passes to Vlade. 247 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:47,039 Vlade back to Byron Scott. Byron Scott back to Vlade. 248 00:11:47,059 --> 00:11:49,000 Vlade gets the ball back to Worthy. 249 00:11:49,019 --> 00:11:50,100 Worthy gets it, stuffs, pop. 250 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,159 The Lakers win the game! The Lakers win the game! 251 00:11:54,179 --> 00:11:56,149 You know what the high point of the game was for me, huh? 252 00:11:56,169 --> 00:11:57,279 What? When you punched Jack Nicholson 253 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,080 in the nose for touching your stomach? 254 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,210 Mm-hmm. 255 00:12:01,230 --> 00:12:03,139 Ooh! Ooh! 256 00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:05,200 Indigestion. 257 00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:08,100 I guess I shouldn't have had that third chili dog, huh? 258 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,059 [chuckles] 259 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,179 [grunts] 260 00:12:14,129 --> 00:12:16,110 So what's with this free-trade agreement? 261 00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:19,250 They gonna set it up demographically, or what? 262 00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:21,210 Tony, why aren't you driving? 263 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:24,100 'Cause nobody else is. The parking lot's all jammed up. 264 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,059 You gonna eat those fries? 265 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,090 - Uh-oh! - What? What's the matter? 266 00:12:30,110 --> 00:12:32,200 Uh, my water broke. 267 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:35,059 Oh, that's cool. We got another one, right here in the fridge. 268 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,019 No, no, no. 269 00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:40,250 I mean, I think I'm having the baby. 270 00:12:40,269 --> 00:12:43,029 Oh! I just had the car cleaned. 271 00:12:43,049 --> 00:12:45,149 Can't you hold it for a couple of hours? 272 00:12:45,169 --> 00:12:47,080 [groaning] 273 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,100 I think that means, "No, Tone." Do something, man! 274 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,080 You think I got time to Scotchgard? 275 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,019 The woman's having a baby, you idiot. 276 00:12:57,039 --> 00:12:59,139 Hey, I have feelings, you know. 277 00:12:59,159 --> 00:13:01,250 Hey, I'm sorry, Tone. Hey, Tone.. 278 00:13:01,269 --> 00:13:04,070 Will, Will, Will, I need you. Stay. 279 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,110 Alright, alright, alright, it's-it's cool, Danny. 280 00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:08,200 Um, alright, I-I know exactly what to do. 281 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,149 Help! 282 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,129 Help! 283 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,059 Help! 284 00:13:24,259 --> 00:13:27,220 Help! 285 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,169 Damn you. I said, "Help!" 286 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,279 Hey, is there a doctor in the parking lot? 287 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,090 - 'I'm a doctor.' - Oh! Thank God. 288 00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:38,059 Hey, look, doc, I-I got a lady in here having a baby. 289 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,259 Yeah, you-you're going to have to climb over that car. 290 00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,120 Yeah, that's good. Alright, come on. 291 00:13:42,139 --> 00:13:43,230 Wait, yo, look out. Don't, man. 292 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,179 [car horn blaring] 293 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,149 [thud] 294 00:13:50,179 --> 00:13:52,210 Is there a doctor for the doctor? 295 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:01,000 - Hey, how's it going, Danny? - Not too bad. 296 00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:03,019 It's kind of like trying to squeeze 297 00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:06,039 Della Reese out of a Hyundai! 298 00:14:06,059 --> 00:14:07,129 Alright, alright, it's cool. 299 00:14:07,149 --> 00:14:09,190 Alright, look, I'm calling 911. 300 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:13,019 911! 911! 301 00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:16,070 Oh, don't bother. We're in wall-to-wall traffic. 302 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,179 No ambulance can get through this. 303 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,080 [groaning] 304 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,029 [screaming] 305 00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:25,110 [both screaming] 306 00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:29,059 Wait, here comes another one. This time you better time me. 307 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,200 Alright. Alright. 308 00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:33,000 [both screaming] 309 00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:38,200 Oh, my God. They're ten seconds apart. You're having a baby. 310 00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:42,149 - Oh, you think? - Alright. 311 00:14:42,169 --> 00:14:44,159 Danny, alright, look, look, look, I-I know what to do. 312 00:14:44,179 --> 00:14:45,250 I-I'll call Aunt Viv. 313 00:14:45,269 --> 00:14:47,110 That's it, that's it. She'll know what to do. 314 00:14:47,129 --> 00:14:48,269 Okay. Okay. 315 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,100 - Hello? - 'Hi,Will.' 316 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,200 Wait, wait, wait, slow down, slow down. 317 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,149 I can't understand you. 318 00:14:57,169 --> 00:15:00,000 No, I don't know where mom is. 319 00:15:00,019 --> 00:15:01,120 Wait, what's the problem? 320 00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:05,240 Sure. Look, Will, I don't have time for your little pranks. 321 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:07,090 I have a date. 322 00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:10,100 What are you doing? 323 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,039 Look, I'm not even playing that stupid murder game, so.. 324 00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:15,039 Look, don't aim that thing at me. 325 00:15:15,059 --> 00:15:16,169 Hilary, are you there? 326 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,210 [gun clicks] 327 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,110 [Hilary screams] 328 00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:22,059 Well, I hope you're all happy. 329 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,210 Now I'm gonna have a big, ugly, red circle 330 00:15:23,230 --> 00:15:25,059 in the middle of my forehead. 331 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,269 I'll look just like Carlton's yearbook picture. 332 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:33,139 Hil-Hilary, no, no, don't hang up! Hilary. 333 00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,139 [laughing] 334 00:15:35,159 --> 00:15:40,120 - Danny, what are we gonna do? - This is unbelievable. 335 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:43,019 I'm going through all this in the back of a limo 336 00:15:43,039 --> 00:15:45,059 because of what went on in the back of my Jeep. 337 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,250 [laughing] 338 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,019 Wow, I got to get me a Jeep. 339 00:15:55,279 --> 00:15:58,250 Look, look, Danny, can-can you do me 340 00:15:58,269 --> 00:16:01,080 like, like, one real big favor? 341 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,200 Sure, what is it? 342 00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:05,009 Please don't have this baby now! 343 00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:06,200 Relax. Relax. 344 00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:11,029 I took the classes. I read the books. I can handle it, yeah. 345 00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:14,169 I can't take it! I can't take it! I can't take it! 346 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:17,159 [screaming] 347 00:16:17,179 --> 00:16:18,259 [screaming] 348 00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:22,139 Help! 349 00:16:22,159 --> 00:16:25,129 (male #1) 'Sorry, buddy, there ain't no doctor out here.' 350 00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:28,220 Hey, man, I don't need a doctor, I need an exorcist. 351 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,029 [screaming] 352 00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:34,210 Will, Will, there's a bottle of Dom Perignon 353 00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:36,029 over in the bar over there. 354 00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:37,179 Get it. 355 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,129 I-I don't think so, Danny. 356 00:16:39,149 --> 00:16:42,129 You seem like you might be kind of a mean drunk. 357 00:16:42,149 --> 00:16:44,000 Oh, I don't want to drink it. 358 00:16:44,019 --> 00:16:47,039 I want you to smack me over the head with it! 359 00:16:47,059 --> 00:16:50,129 - What? - Just until I pass out. 360 00:16:50,149 --> 00:16:52,250 Oh! Oh! This baby's on its way 361 00:16:52,269 --> 00:16:54,269 and I think it's bringing luggage. 362 00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,190 [screaming] 363 00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:58,120 No way. It can't be on its way now. 364 00:16:58,139 --> 00:17:00,039 You've only been in labor for ten minutes. 365 00:17:00,059 --> 00:17:02,190 Oh, tell him. He's coming! 366 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,019 Oh, get out of my way. 367 00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:07,170 Wait, Danny, Danny, Danny, where are you going? 368 00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:09,039 If I run really fast 369 00:17:09,059 --> 00:17:12,069 I can get back to the forum and have my baby on the floor 370 00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,089 of the ladies' room with some dignity. 371 00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:16,000 Wait, Danny, wait. Hold on. 372 00:17:16,019 --> 00:17:18,000 Alright, you win. Where's that champagne bottle? 373 00:17:18,019 --> 00:17:20,039 Right there. Right there. 374 00:17:20,059 --> 00:17:21,259 - Yo, guess who? - Not now, man. 375 00:17:21,279 --> 00:17:23,089 We got an emergency in here. 376 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:26,109 Hence, Dr. Finkelbaum. 377 00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,099 - Hey, you a doctor, man? - Yeah. 378 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,140 I love you, man. I love you. Go. Go. Move. 379 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,079 So, uh, what seems to be the problem here? 380 00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:37,029 I broke a nail. What the hell do you think? 381 00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:39,049 Alright. Alright. Lie back. 382 00:17:39,069 --> 00:17:41,250 Ju-just relax, Danny. He's here to help you. 383 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,109 Hey, Tone, what took you so long? 384 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,200 I was looking for a doctor 385 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,089 and I found an MD license plate. 386 00:17:46,109 --> 00:17:47,230 I yanked the guy out of his car 387 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:51,009 and then I realized MD stands for Mike Ditka. 388 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,269 Fortunately, the car he threw me up against 389 00:17:52,289 --> 00:17:55,099 belonged to Dr. Finkelbaum here. 390 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,250 Is this the lady having a baby? 391 00:17:56,269 --> 00:17:58,210 Yeah. Hey, thanks a lot. Right this way. 392 00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,140 Hey, man, we got some sodas in the fridge. 393 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,210 I called him from Finkelbaum's car. 394 00:18:05,109 --> 00:18:07,250 I called him from Ditka's car. 395 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:11,160 Come on in. We got some brews, a little bit of Malt Duck. 396 00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,210 [Danny panting] 397 00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:15,089 Get this kid out of me. 398 00:18:15,109 --> 00:18:18,059 I got to make a phone call. I suddenly miss my mother. 399 00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:26,160 Well, Danny, uh, thanks for a wonderful evening. 400 00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,180 Um, I'll call you. 401 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,150 Oh, no, Will, don't leave me. 402 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:31,019 [panting] 403 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:33,200 Alright, alright, Danny, Danny 404 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:35,190 alright, I'll-I'll stay here, and I'll help you focus. 405 00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:38,230 Focus? I don't want to focus. I want drugs! 406 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,200 Now, get out in that parking lot and score! 407 00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:45,210 (Finkelbaum) 'Here we go.' 408 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:48,150 It's Danny, isn't it? Bear down. 409 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,009 Alright, look, look, Danny, Danny 410 00:18:54,029 --> 00:18:55,190 think of it as the World Series, alright? 411 00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:58,130 Alright, Alomar is rounding third. Here comes the throw. 412 00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:01,220 - Slide, Danny, slide. - 'Here comes your baby, Danny.' 413 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,240 [screaming] 414 00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:04,029 'Push!' 415 00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:07,019 [both screaming] 416 00:19:07,039 --> 00:19:08,220 [instrumental music] 417 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,109 [baby crying] 418 00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:16,130 Here you are, Danny. A beautiful healthy boy. 419 00:19:19,029 --> 00:19:20,200 Oh. 420 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,130 - You want to hold him? - Uh, no, no, thanks. 421 00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:28,200 I'll wait till somebody run him through a car wash or something. 422 00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:31,039 [crying] 423 00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:34,019 - Come here, man. - Yeah, calm him down. 424 00:19:35,109 --> 00:19:37,150 Hey. 425 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:40,160 ♪ Get busy put your thing down it's your birthday ♪♪ 426 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,079 [chuckles] 427 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,279 [sighs] It's been one hell of a night, huh, Danny? 428 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,130 Phew! And look, I went and saved the best for last. 429 00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:53,230 Yes, I did. Yes, I did. 430 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:55,200 [instrumental music] 431 00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:04,099 Yo, yo, yo. Anybody home? 432 00:20:06,029 --> 00:20:07,230 Shabba! 433 00:20:15,269 --> 00:20:17,160 Get off me, man. 434 00:20:20,029 --> 00:20:22,279 Uncle Phil, what are you doing sleeping on the couch? 435 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,289 Uh, w-well, my chiropractor recommended it. 436 00:20:25,009 --> 00:20:27,210 Uh, as you know, Will, I have a separation 437 00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:31,150 in my lower lumbar area and the couch is perfect to align my.. 438 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:35,049 - She threw you out, huh? - You got that right. 439 00:20:35,069 --> 00:20:36,170 [sighs] 440 00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:38,089 Hear you had a pretty full night, too, huh? 441 00:20:38,109 --> 00:20:41,190 Oh, man, Uncle Phil, I got to tell you 442 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:43,000 when Danny went into labor, man 443 00:20:43,019 --> 00:20:44,210 I was trying to get the heck out of there. 444 00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:46,190 Oh, I heard that. 445 00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:48,250 But then it was, like, all of a sudden 446 00:20:48,269 --> 00:20:53,059 it was, um, a little alive wiggly thing, you know? 447 00:20:53,079 --> 00:20:57,049 Ten fingers, and ten toes, and everything. It was so small. 448 00:20:57,069 --> 00:21:01,170 Phew! I was the first person the baby saw, you know, upside down. 449 00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:06,109 Sounds like quite an experience, Will. 450 00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:08,269 It was. Phew! 451 00:21:08,289 --> 00:21:11,130 Oh, well, I'm gonna go give Danny a call at the hospital. 452 00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:13,130 See how little Jackie Robinson Mitchell 453 00:21:13,150 --> 00:21:15,009 is doing, huh? 454 00:21:15,029 --> 00:21:17,099 - Hey, goodnight, Uncle Phil. - Goodnight, Will. 455 00:21:18,289 --> 00:21:23,220 Well, bet you feel like a big dope, huh? 456 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,039 Mm-hmm. 457 00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:31,029 Vivian, I made a decision. 458 00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,130 [sighs] 459 00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:35,220 I really want to be in the room when you give birth. 460 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,049 Not just because you want me there 461 00:21:37,069 --> 00:21:41,069 but because I want to be the first person 462 00:21:41,089 --> 00:21:44,059 our baby sees upside down. 463 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,000 Oh, Philip, that's a beautiful thing to say. 464 00:21:50,019 --> 00:21:54,059 But I'm afraid, honey, that I'm gonna have to kill you anyway. 465 00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,079 [intense music] 466 00:21:56,099 --> 00:21:58,220 Oh, no, Viv. No, Vivian! 467 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,069 [screams] 468 00:22:01,089 --> 00:22:02,289 [instrumental music] 469 00:22:08,049 --> 00:22:10,000 And look, I went and saved the best for last. 470 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,069 Whoops! Oh! 471 00:22:21,289 --> 00:22:23,259 [both laughing]