[instrumental music]
[Tom Jones singing "It's Not Unusual"]
♪ It's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♪
♪ It's not unusual to have fun with anyone ♪
♪ But when I see you hangin' around with anyone ♪
♪ It's not unusual to see me cry ♪
♪ I wanna die ♪
♪ It's not unusual to go out at any time ♪
♪ But when I see you out and about ♪
♪ It's such a crime ♪
♪ If you should ever wanna be loved ♪
♪ By anyone ♪
♪ It's not unusual ♪
♪ It happens every.. ♪♪
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute ♪
♪ Just sit right there I'll tell you ♪
♪ How I became the prince of a town ♪
♪ Called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxing all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab ♪ and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
[instrumental music]
I figured it out Will. I'm gonna get dad what he always wanted.
What? A pizza hut in the garage.
Better. I'm gonna clinch the election by getting
an influential person to endorse him.
Watch and learn.
[clears throat]
Hello, is President Bush there?
Carlton...Carlton Banks.
It's personal.
Carlton, are you by any chance an idiot?
Not available?
Perhaps you should let George know
that as alternate assistant treasurer
to the Bel-Air junior republicans
I'm in a position to scratch his back
if he'll scratch mine. Capisce?
Hello?
(Will) 'Hey, G, uh, did you bring the mail in yet?'
No. I've been saving that genteel pleasure to calm myself.
Lest I get too giddy from scrubbing the John.
You know, you really need a woman, G.
What's a woman?
I'll get the mail.
- Geoffrey. - Sir.
Um, daddy, now you know how much I love you
and would do anything for you, right?
Alrighty, how much do you want?
No. I'm talking about..
- Well, $100. - Mm-hm.
But I was talking about the election.
Now, for me to vote for you and get conscience
I need to know where you stand on the issues.
Okay, well, I'm, uh, against plea-bargaining and--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but where do you stand
on a woman's right to choose the restaurant?
I think we should leave that up to the supreme court.
Well, I think you're being really unreasonable.
Well, tough. I don't care if it is chaperoned
you cannot go to Ensenada with Macauley Culkin.
Hey, hey! Mail call!
For you, selfmagazine..
...shapemagazine
and sassymagazine.
And for you, sir, elf magazine..
...apemagazine..
...and sissymagazine.
And for you, sir, the bill for self
the bill for shape and the bill for sassy magazine.
Oh, Uncle Phil, they doggin' you.
What? Let me see that.
"Defeat Philip Banks
"the criminal's choice for superior court judge.
"Banks wants to empty the prisons
"fill our streets with hoodlums
"and run a bookmaking operation out of his chambers.
Vote Robertson for superior court judge."
But, dad, aren't some of those lies?
Carlton, honey, they're all lies.
How can they get away with that?
'Cause they know it's too late for me to sue
for a retraction.
Well, there's still time to fight back.
I'm not gonna fight back.
- What? - What?
If I sink to their level
I'm just as bad as they are.
Uncle Phil, let me tell you a little story.
Oh, no.
See, once upon a time there was this young boy
that lived in Philly, right?
And right next to him lived the prettiest little honey
you've ever seen in your life.
And he loved her with his whole heart and soul.
Aw.
Amen, sister.
But see, on the other side of that girl
lived this little filthy McRotten dude
and he wanted her just for her body, right.
So one day, the two dudes was about to get it on, right.
The girl came out and stopped 'em.
She said, "No, flip a coin.
And the winner can be my boyfriend, right."
So the nasty dude snatched off into his pocket, right.
Calls heads, flips the coin..
The nice guy lost the toss
and the girl, and it broke his heart.
- And you know why he lost? - Why?
Because the nasty dude cheated.
- He had a two-headed coin. - Mmm..
The nice guy didn't get the girl.
So this story's about you, isn't it, Will?
That's right, Uncle Phil.
And to this day, I just thank God
I had my two-headed coin, 'cause that girl was smoking.
The poll results are in. Let's see who won.
(man on TV) 'And the race for superior court judge is neck and neck.'
'Robertson and Banks are both polling 36%.'
'At this point, anything could tip the balance.'
'More after this.'
Banks gets into office, we won't have to hide anymore.
This city's ours!
[laughing]
Unlike my opponent, I don't think crime should pay.
I say throw the bums in jail.
(man on TV) Over the last 20 years, Judge Robertson has thrown
over 6000 bums in jail. Philip Banks, none.
Criminals support Philip Banks. Should you?
(man on TVG) Throw the bums in jail. Say, "Philip Banks, no, thanks!"
on election day.
Oh. Oh-oh-oh.
[exhales] Uncle Phil, you got to kick that man's butt!
Oh, he, like, begging, he, like, "Oh, Philip Banks
kick my butt."
Philip Banks, kick the man's butt.
I can't do it, Vivian. I'm running an honest campaign.
Philip, that man's evil and senile.
Why not fight fire with fire?
Because it goes against everything I stand for.
What's your point?
I've made my decision.
I'm gonna base my campaign on the issues, not the dirt.
I have faith in LA. That LA will have faith in me.
(man on TV) 'With over 90% of the districts reporting, Judge Robertson'
'has overwhelmingly defeated Philip Banks.'
I hate LA.
And there's the loser now!
Let's listen in as he makes his concession speech.
Everyone, I wanna thank you for your support.
We put up a good fight, and, uh
well, it was just an unfortunate set
of circumstances that..
Hey, hey, hey, hey! You don't have to shove!
We got two exits!
Uh, Mr-Mr. Banks, uh
not in recent memory has someone managed
to lose a race by such a large margin..
[chuckles] ...and so darn quickly.
Uh, how does it feel?
Well, once when I was a kid, I zipped my pants up too fast.
Let's just say this brings back old memories.
Ouch.
Hey, on a brighter note, I see you've brought
your lovely family with you, including your daughter
KFPB weather personality Hilary Banks.
Hilary, you've just seen your father suffer
a humiliating defeat.
So tell me
are you free for dinner tonight?
[chuckles] Look, my father just lost an election.
I mean, I 'm not totally insensitive.
- How about tomorrow? - Great.
[clears throat]
Well, from the Banks' headquarters
this is Trevor Collins..
...feeling pretty good.
Now, everybody, put on your best faces.
It's time to go give the victor his due.
Man. Hey, Uncle Phil, I got your back.
Well, I got, like, half your back 'cause your back is like..
Pssh!
[instrumental music]
[applauding]
Whoo!
Want some candy, little girl?
Come here. Mm-hm-hmm.
Judge Robertson, to what do you attribute your re-election?
To getting more votes than the other guy.
I mean, why did you get more votes, sir?
Oh, well, why didn't you say so, Connie?
You see, all the credit
goes to my campaign workers
who brought me up when I was down.
Judge Robertson.
Well, who do we have here?
- Carl-- - Uh, I thought I was Carl.
[laughing]
I just wanna congratulate you on a campaign well fought,sir.
Well, coming from you, Carl, that means a lot.
- I'm Philip. - And I am the walrus.
Coo coo ca choo!
[laughing]
Let's get the hell out of here.
That was fun.
There goes Philip Banks
the biggest sap that ever lived.
'What a stooge!'
[laughing]
- Excuse me? - You heard me. He's a sap.
A dope. A loser.
He never had what it takes and he never will.
- Isn't that right? Mm-hmm. - Uh-huh.
[laughing]
I think you should take that back, man.
- Oh, you do? - Yeah, I do.
Well, I think you should run along and play
and don't get involved in politics until you're a big boy.
At least my uncle stands for something.
Oh, really? And what would that be?
A buffet?
My uncle fights for what he believes in.
Ooh! Shame on me!
My uncle's three times the man you'll ever be.
Oh! He's got my vote.
[all laughing]
And another thing..
...everything you said in your campaign was a lie.
You have no integrity, no decency
and you-you're really, really short.
And I'll tell you another thing, if you don't like it, man
you can drop dead.
[gasps]
Oh, my God! He's dead.
Hey, come on, man, if I told you to jump off a bridge
would you do it?
Aah!
[instrumental music]
How you doing, baby?
Oh, I just feel so guilty, Aunt Viv.
Oh, come on now, you got to stop blaming yourself, Will.
He wasn't a young man. He didn't take very good care of himself.
Now you heard what the doctor said.
I know, Aunt Viv.
If I could just forget it, just clear my mind
for one minute..
Well, Will, you really knocked 'em dead the other night, huh?
Don't get him mad, mom.
You don't wanna make him raise his voice.
Carlton, take out the trash, honey.
I did it last week. It's the terminator's turn.
Dan Quayle, please. I'll hold.
Carlton, why are you calling Dan Quayle?
Simple. Thanks to the grim reaper over here
and Judge Robertson taking the old dirt nap
the governor has to appoint someone
and the right endorsement could swing it to dad.
Yeah. Carlton Banks. That's B-A-N-K-S.
No "E."
Uh, uh-uh-uh, that-that was a joke, ma'am. Um..
Hello?
The phone's dead...Will.
Carlton, man, I am not a killer!
Aah!
[Carlton laughing]
That's not funny. That's not funny.
Ashley, you know I'd never hurt you, right?
I know. I know.
Hilary, you know that I'd never--
Hurt a fly. We know.
Look, Will, you're taking this way too seriously.
I mean, it's not like you got a bad haircut.
Look, I think I know how to help Will.
This calls for tough love.
We've got to draw him out. Gotta bait him, confront him.
Attack him until he defends himself.
Only then will he start to feel better.
- I don't know, Carlton. - Look, just follow my lead.
Will, you should be ashamed of yourself!
How could you do such a thing?
I hope you never get mad at me.
[sobbing]
Why y'all screaming at me?
I was minding my damn business eating some fruit.
Well, I could be wrong.
You won't believe this.
They want me to give the eulogy
at Judge Robertson 's funeral.
You're kidding.
Philip, you know I
I really hate to speak ill of the dead
but if that little man hadn't died
I'd have killed him myself.
So who's up for Chinese food, huh?
I'm gonna give the eulogy, Vivian.
- Philip! - Daddy, no!
I know Carl changed over the years
but the man was my mentor.
Now, I'm going to that funeral.
And you're all going with me.
[instrumental music]
Philip, any chance of getting those flowers after the funeral?
Sit down, Vivian.
I'd like to welcome you to the memorial for..
...Carl Robertson.
Saying a few words on behalf of the departed
will be Philip Banks.
Vivian, where's my speech?
It's on the kitchen counter where I..
Oh! I'm sorry, Philip.
[clears throat]
What can you say about Judge Carl Robertson?
What, indeed?
He was a judge.
A judge named Carl.
But he was more, so much more.
Carl Roberts.. Oh!
He wasn't a very heavy man.
Uh...
Look, I 'm-I'm probably the wrong person to be up here.
I mean, I just got finished losing an election to the man
and he used every dirty trick in the book.
So, uh, at this time I'd like to invite someone
with an especially warm memory of Carl Robertson.
Uh, come up here and share it with us.
Anyone with a...somewhat fond memory
of Carl Robertson?
Anybody with any recollection of him at all?
Ah! Yes.
The jerk sentenced me to six months in jail
for a crime I didn't commit.
I'm just here to make sure he dead.
Thank you. Yes?
Um, he hired me to replant his garden.
And when it came time for him to pay me
he called the immigration on me.
Gracias.
- Yes? - I knew Carl biblically.
Oh! Oh, please.
Oh! Sorry.
With him, it was just a bunch of sex
all the time, like dating thumper.
Never felt I really got to know him.
Never felt he cared about my needs.
- Uh, you were his wife? - His mistress.
Okay.
For 20 years.
Longest years of my life.
You don't have any pleasant memories at all of him?
Mmm. Well..
No.
The man's idea of sweet talk was
"When are you gonna bring your sister around?"
Oh. Mm-hmm.
Well, thank you for sharing.
Whoa-whoa -whoa, hold up here a minute.
I-I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. A man is dead here, people.
I mean, did he not feel pain when he was hurt?
I mean, did he not shiver when he was cold?
Did he not dream?
I mean, he was only human, but, yes, he was human.
And I fail to believe that the world can profit
from a man's death.
And I think each and every one of you should be
really ashamed of yourselves.
And who are you?
I'm the dude that killed him.
[applauding]
- 'Bravo! Bravo!' - 'Whoo!'
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
- Tough room. - Yeah.
Aah!
[instrumental music]
Carl, you're just wasting your time, man.
Ye, of little faith.
I'm about to get the endorsement
that'll lock up dad's appointment.
Hello, is Vanna there?
Well, I think heaven is this wonderful place
where all the people are good-looking
nothing clashes, and you never have to wait for a table
and hell is, like, the valley.
What do you think, daddy?
I think we're all damn lucky Hilary has a job.
Thanks, daddy.
No, no, no, no, see, to me, heaven has to be like
a cross between a Sir Mix-a-Lot video
and Roscoe's chicken and waffles.
See, it's, like, I can have a leg in one hand
and a breast in the other.
So, what do you think, G?
I think I must have been very bad in a previous life.
You know I don't know why people are so down on funerals.
[telephone rings]
Banks residence.
- For you, sir. - Oh, thank you, Geoffrey.
[sighs] Yes?
Uh, yes, governor. Yes, it was unfortunate.
W-w-why, of course, sir, yes. It's an honor. Thank you, sir.
Yes.
Well, what was all that?
The governor just appointed me
to Judge Robertson 's seat!
[all cheering]
- Whoo! Yeah! - Yes! You're the man!
- Yes! Yes! - You're the man!
- This calls for champagne, huh? - Yay!
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Could I get it for you?
[sobbing]
Why y'all screaming at me?
'I was just minding my damn business'
'eating some fruit.'
Well, I can be wrong.
(Will) 'What in the hell did you do to your lips?'
(female #1) 'Alright!'
[instrumental music]