[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hi, Will!
Hey, hey, how are you doing, Lindsey?
Ooh, ar-are you going to the Lakers game?
Uh, I wish. I-I don't have no tickets.
Oh! Isn't that a coincidence?
Here I am with two tickets to the Lakers game
and no one to go with.
Well, you enjoy yourself tonight, alright?
Oh, too bad you can't make it.
The seats are center court.
We can go in dad's limo.
And I have passes to the after-game party but, oh, well..
Wait a minute. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Hold on, hey, who am I to be so selfish?
Uh, what do you say you, uh, pick me up around 8:00?
And, oh, uh, just for tonight
how about you let your buns down? Alright? Alright.
♪ Now this is a story all about ♪
♪ How my life got flipped turned upside-down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪
♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Geoffrey, you look great today.
Have you done something different with your hair?
Yes, I stopped pulling it out.
- What are you selling? - Okay, I'm hawking candy bars.
They're only five bucks.
Marvelous, with what I'm paid
I should be able to afford one by the end of the day.
(Carlton) You poor, pathetic gigolo.
How could any self-respecting man sell himself so cheap?
Like I don't hear enough of that from my mother.
I was talking to Will.
Of course! Why would anyone talk to me?
I'm but a poor, lowly servant.
Well, Carlton, I'm sayin', what's your damage, man?
I mean, Lindsey just can't resist me.
It's just a Laker game, you know?
Eh, besides, you know what they say about guys with big ears.
They can fly?
Vivian, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Philip, I don't see why you don't want to run?
He's probably afraid he'll crack the concrete.
Will, the LA Political coalition just asked your uncle
to run for superior court judge.
Yeah.
Those imbeciles are trying to railroad
Judge Robertson off the bench.
I can't believe that. Wait, Judge Robertson?
They have the audacity to try to do that to Judge Robertson?
Who the hell is Judge Robertson?
He was your uncle's mentor and quite a colorful person.
Well, he was a little bit eccentric.
Huh, he taught me the true meaning of the word justice.
You know, there were times I didn't think I was gonna make it
through school but he wouldn't let me quit.
I never would have gotten through law school without him.
What did he do, have the halls widened? Ha ha ha!
[laughs]
That's a good one. That was a good one.
For your information..
...he taught me not only the spirit
but the letter of the law.
- Whoo, God bless him. - Hmm.
And I consider it an insult for anyone
to try to get him out of office.
What do you think, Will?
I think I shouldn't have never said nothing about them halls.
So, did everybody watch LA's favorite weathergirl today?
- No. - No.
Well, I was the bright spot, as usual.
I wore my new Versace. See.
So what's the weather gonna be like tomorrow, honey?
[scoffs] What am I, psychic?
[doorbell rings]
Oh, please! Letmeget it this time.
Uh, Hilary..
...you look so beautiful today.
I was born beautiful. What are you selling?
Okay, I'll give you 10% off.
I'll take two.
[clears throat] Master William, Miss Lindsey to see you.
Miss Lindsey, this is most inappropriate.
I couldn't possibly..
Oh! It's Ben!
Thank you.
Yo, Lindsey, what are you doing here?
Will, honey, that is no way to talk to your guest.
Hi, I'm Vivian, Will's aunt. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too. W-Will, can I talk to you for a minute?
Um, yeah, right this way, money.. Um, honey, I'm sorry.
Lindsey, what's up?
I had a great time the other night. It was magic.
- What did you do? - I'm talking about us, silly.
I-I-I didn't want the night to end.
Well, you know, nights do that sometimes.
Look, Will, um, since we had so much fun the other night, um
I was wondering if we could, uh, spend some time together.
[chuckling]
Oh, look-look, Lindsey, I mean, I'd really love to
I mean, but I have obligations, I have commitments.
I have a gold watch!
So, um, how about a little thank-you kiss?
[chuckling]
Thank you.
[instrumental music]
Oh, yo, G, here's the whipped cream you wanted for dinner.
Who said it was for dinner?
Hey, Carlton, what time is it?
Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot.
I'm only wearing the finest timepiece ever made.
This gold model was handcrafted in Switzerland
by the finest of craftsmen.
Keeps time accurate to within three seconds a year.
Love the Casio.
Will, you're nothing more than a troller.
A strumpet.
A love slave. Sans the love.
I'm sorry, Carlton, I couldn't hear you
my damn watch was just ticking so loud.
You just don't have the fortitude to say no.
Carlton, please, I mean, I have no choice.
I'm the chosen one.
I mean, take Moses, when he was asked to part the Red Sea
did he say "No, y'all build a dam?"
Vivian, do I look okay?
Philip, honey, would you relax
we're just having company for dinner.
It's not just company. It's Judge Robertson.
He's done so much for me over the years
this is my chance to finally pay him back.
Baby, we're just having pot roast.
- Is the judge here yet? - No, honey, not yet.
Good, then I have plenty of time to plant this.
- Hilary, what is that? - It's a bug.
They gave it to me down at the news room.
If I can scoop some dirt on Judge Robertson
it could mean a big promotion.
I feel just like Deborah Norville
except I have a job.
Hilary, forget it.
This man is our guest.
Let's just show him the respect he deserves.
Here comes the judge.
Order in the court!
Here comes the judge.
It wouldn't kill you to crack a smile, you know.
Ah!
[chuckling]
Judge Robertson, it's so good to see you, sir.
It's soeasy to see you, Philip.
Looks like you haven't stepped on the scales of justice
in quite some time.
[both laugh]
[laughs] Did you hear what he said?
He was..
Oh.. Oh. Um, uh..
I'm l-I'm laughing at something that happened yesterday.
Oh, I-I'm done now. I'm done.
I remember you!
You're Carlton!
[both laugh]
I've known you since you were yay-high.
Well, ain't nothing wrong with his memory.
You got that right. Forget everything you heard about me.
There may be snow on the roof
but there's still fire in the furnace.
[laughing]
And hello, Vivian.
Philip, your wife gets more youthful
with every passing year.
No, excuse me, judge, no, this is my, my daughter Hilary.
- Oh! - This is my wife Vivian.
You've aged.
And what the hell is that you're wearing?
Why don't we come over here?
Dinner is served!
Benson!
I didn't know you were really a butler.
[instrumental music]
Boy, that Judge Robertson's quite a character.
Hey, but, Aunt Viv, how come he keep calling you weezy?
I'm sorry, Philip, that man is beyond eccentric.
I asked him to pass the salt, he told me to go long.
Uh, he was joking, Vivian.
Philip, he broke a window!
He's a sexist pig.
Oh, Hilary, that's not true. He's pro-choice.
Daddy, he said the only choice a woman should have
is with or without the lights on.
Oh, see, see, now that's disgusting.
The lights should be off.
Believe me, son, the only time a woman should sit on the bench
is when she's waiting for a bus.
Oh! That's ridiculous!
And what if she's serving coleslaw at a picnic?
Ah, point taken. You have the makings of a fine judge.
[both laugh]
So, Judge Robertson, you were telling us
about your most recent decision.
Oh, yes, I had this boy before me recently.
No preponderance of evidence either way.
It was a tough call, but in the end I had to convict.
Uh. How did you decide?
Well, you see the, uh, prosecutor was a babe
so after I decided in her favor
she decided in mine.
[laughs]
Ohh, Lord. Look at the time.
Uh, well, judge, let me walk you to your car.
Good. Maybe you can remember where I parked.
[laughs]
[instrumental music]
- Hi, Will! - Oh.
Hey, Lindsey, how you doing?
Uh, Will, I was wondering if you would like to go
with me to the autumn dance?
Uh, wow. Um..
Look, Lindsey, now, I mean, you've been very generous
you know, but I-I just can't..
Well, look.. A motorcycle helmet, hey.
Hey, but, L-Lindsey, I mean, I can't take..
Wow, a motorcycle jacket, hey, with Malcolm on it.
I can ride and be righteous at the same time, huh.
Look, but-but, Lindsey, I'm sorry--
These go to your new Harley-Davidson.
Now, what were you gonna say?
Thank you?
Oh, yeah, right, like you wouldn't take it!
[instrumental music]
- Will. - Hey.
How did this get on the patio?
Oh, no-no, don't worry, Aunt Viv, I was careful
from when I drove it through the house.
I mean, where did it come from?
The Harley factory.
Well, it came from Lindsey, didn't it?
Now, what I wanna know is what does she get in return?
Well, all the rides she wants, Aunt Viv.
Well, you are acting like a pimp!
Oh, come on. Hold it now. That is totally unfair, Aunt Viv.
If a man was buying a woman all these gifts
nobody would have anything to say about it, right?
No-no, honey, it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
If you don't care for someone, you shouldn't accept gifts.
And it diminishes you every time
you accept something from Lindsey.
Now, you were not raised that way, boy, and you know it.
Now, you know what you need to do, don't you?
Yeah, put out.
I know, I know, I know, I give all this stuff back.
And?
I got to be honest with her.
And you know that's right.
[sighs]
If I keep the bike, I'm a pimp.
If I give it back, I'm adamnfool!
Ah, well, pimp it is.
[instrumental music]
- Hi, honey. - Hmm, hi, baby.
Mm. Mm, mm, chocolate, huh.
Uh-uh-uh! Forget it, honey.
At five bucks a pop, I'm not sharing.
Oh.
I am so angry.
Okay, here, you can have a bite.
No, no. It's about Judge Robertson.
You know, he's sitting up on that bench
for all the wrong reasons.
Unless somebody runs against him he'll be up there for ever.
Well, who do you have in mind?
Oh, I don't know.
Somebody dynamic, principled..
Someone who looks good in a black robe.
Jesse Jackson?
Oh.. No! Me!
[chuckles] I know, baby.
I always thought you'd make a fabulous judge.
Oh.
You sure, baby?
I mean, this could mean big changes for all of us.
I know, but it could also mean big changes
for the people in the city.
Maybe for the better.
Oh, I love you, Vivian.
Hmm-hm, I love you, too.
[chuckles]
Get your hands off my chocolate
or you're a dead man.
[instrumental music]
Here's, uh, Judge Robertson at that
big student anti-war rally. Remember?
He was the only professor that had guts enough
to go up against the administration.
- I can't believe it. - Oh, trust me, Hilary.
He was a great man and a hell of a lawyer.
No, I mean that those women didn't shave under their arms.
Hey, hey, Uncle Phil, hold up.
Who's that skinny, weird dude standing next to you?
Uh, that's me.
Oh, th-that's a relief, 'cause I was about to wonder
why Uncle Phil was holding that dude's hand.
He'll-he'll be here any minute.
How am I gonna tell him that I'm running against him?
I mean, how do you tell somebody that used to be your hero
that he's become completely incompetent?
Well, big guy, may I suggest using flash cards
with really big pictures?
[doorbell rings]
Don't worry, sweetheart, if he's the man
that you think he is, he'll understand.
If he's the man I think he is
he'll probably get lost on his way to the bathroom.
Judge Robertson.
Thanks, Benson.
For the last time, sir, I amnotBenson.
[British accent] Oh, sure, right, right.
[chuckling]
- How are you doing, judge? - How are you?
Well, uh, we'll leave you two alone.
Come on, kids.
Goodnight, nice seeing you again.
(Vivian) Goodnight.
Mm, mm-mm, not only has she aged
she has a beer belly.
That's my wife, and she's pregnant.
Oh, then she should lay off the beer.
Would you take a seat, please?
Uh, Judge Robertson, I-I hear that you're running
for re-election and--
And you want to make a big, fat contribution.
Good, good! Ha-ha-ha.
Hey, make the check out to cash.
In fact, why don't you just give me cash?
Or maybe that ring?
[both chuckling]
That's good.
No, Carl, uh, look, there's-there's something
I want to tell you, but, uh
I can't seem to find the words.
Well, where'd you have them last?
No...I'm talking about what's happened to you.
I'll be Frank.
Okay, and who am I?
No, look, what I'm trying to say is
that maybe you've served the community long enough.
And as your friend, I think I should tell you
that, well, maybe it's time for you to retire.
Oh! Me, retire?
Oh, Frank!
Have you lost your mind?
I mean, this is cushiest job in town.
I get free coffee, validated parking
I don't have to wear pants
and besides there's no one to run against me.
- Uh, yes, there is. - Who?
- Me. -You!You've got to be kidding!
You don't know the first thing about running for office.
I taught you about law, not politics.
Look, the point is, I'm going to run against you
and I thought I should tell you face-to-face.
Oh, yes, well, let me tellyou something face-to-face!
Iam a very worthy opponent.
And I can see myself on your head.
[laughing]
Oh, Benson, my car!
[instrumental music]
Ah, takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
Judge. Hey, what's going on?
Wha.. What are you doing here?
I don't know. Don't I live here?
No, judge, you don't.
[laughs]
No wonder the garage door opener didn't work.
It took forever to pry it open.
Uh, look, judge, um..
- Juice? - No. No, thanks.
Look, um, I got some problems, you know
I got to deal with tonight. Eh, you know..
- Woman problems. - Oh, women!
They've been a problem ever since
they got the right to vote!
Look, sit down, son, sit down.
Talk to me, sonny. Talk to me.
I've had my share of problems with women.
[sighs] Well, see, actually, judge
it's this girl at school, Lindsey, right?
And she just keeps buying me all these fly gifts.
So what's the problem?
Well, you know, I'm not really attracted to her.
Sowhat's the problem?
Well, my aunt Viv told me that, you know, it's not right
to accept gifts from people that, you know
you're not really attracted to.
Look, son..
...I remember when I was your age
there was this girl.
I didn't like her that much.
She was always buying me gifts
dinner, taking me out. Ha!
She even offered to send me through law school.
So what did you do?
Huh, what else?
I married her.
- Pie? - Uh, no, no thanks, judge.
So, wait, you're just going to tell me that
you got together with this girl
and you had this long, incredible, wonderful life.
[laughs] I wish I could tell you that.
But the truth is, I dumped her after law school.
Aw, I'm sorry, judge, that's too bad.
Oh, no, that's okay.
We split everything down the middle.
I got the money, the house, the car, the boat
and she got to keep the kids.
- Pie? - No. No, no thanks.
So you saying that you just kept all the stuff
that she gave you even after y'all broke up?
Damn straight! Possession is nine tenth of the law, my boy.
[telephone rings]
Yo.
Look, Lindsey, I told you I'm busy.
(Lindsey on phone) 'But I'm in the neighborhood.'
'Really close.'
How close, Lindsey?
[knocking]
Princess Leia!
May the force be with you!
[laughing]
Uh, Will, somebody broke into your garage.
Quick! Call the police!
Uh, Lindsey, can I talk to you for a second?
Look, what are you doing here? Wa..
As if I didn't know, right?
- It's over, Will. - See what I'm say..
- Yo, it's what? - Over.
But-but why?
Why ask why? Look at her.
I'm not attracted to you, Will.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah. Y-yes, you are.
No, no, I'm not. I-I've never been attracted to you.
What.. Then why did you buy me all this stuff?
Well, you're captain of the basketball team.
You're popular and being seen with you at the autumn dance
made me popular, too. But now your job is done.
Uh-uh-uh! Boy, that woman is ruthless.
[laughs]
Ever think about going into politics?
[chuckles] Yeah, as a matter of fact, I..
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm saying, Lindsey, I mean, what about me, as a person?
What about the way that my, my cheeks dimple when I smile?
And-and what color are my eyes?
Look! You're quiet. You don't even know.
Who cares?
I feel so used, so cheap.
Well, you certainly weren't cheap.
You cost me a fortune.
I want my stuff back.
Now.
- Wait, b-but, look-- - Now!
Shh..
You take this ring back
'cause my mother don't scream at me like that.
Take this watch back and you can take this jacket back.
Nice meeting you, young lady.
- Be sure to rock the vote. - Goodnight!
You know..
You know, judge..
...I never thought saying goodbye would be so hard.
I really loved that watch.
Well, he was a little eccentric.
But he traught, taught me that..
And soon as I say let's do it again.
- He traught you? - Yeah, he traught me.
- What'd he traught you? - He traught me how to [bleep].
Oops.
- And let's go do this again. - Damn!