Well, how do I look?
Whoa! Man!
Ooh!
Hey, you know that model in all them Hugo Boss ads?
Yeah.
You don't look nothing like him.
You're just jealous because
the love of my life has returned.
In Cindy, I've found the woman I'd share my life with.
You've never even found a woman you'd share a burrito with.
[scoffs] Uh, Earth to Carlton.
But, uh, Cindy dumped you, man.
She didn't dump me, Will.
She just working through a fear of intimacy
caused by an overpowering father
and a narcissistic mother.
You sure it wasn't your breath?
[groans]
Oh, look! Hors d'oeuvres.
Isn't it great to be rich?
Hands off. It's for Cindy.
Cindy? Isn't she the one who dumped you?
Carlton?
Why are you wearing a suit?
Is daddy bringing home white people?
No. Cindy's coming over.
Cindy? I thought she dumped you.
Okay. Okay. She dumped me!
But now that she's back, I'm not gonna let her go.
I'm going to prove to her that I'm ready
for an adult, mature relationship.
[doorbell rings]
Door! Door! Door!
Alright. Don't wet yourself. I'll get it.
[exhales sharply] God, I'm a wreck.
[chuckles] Carlton!
Cindy.
[chuckles]
I, uh, have something that belongs to you.
[baby cries]
Say hello to daddy.
Excuse me.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story all about how my life ♪
♪ Got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to ♪
♪ Take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you ♪
♪ How I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪
♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it yo holmes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later ♪
♪ Looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪
Hey, G, hurry up with that water, man.
Thanks. Carlton, wake up!
Now, come on, man.
Congratulations, man. It's a boy.
- Ooh.. - Hey, Carlton. Come on, man.
Carlton? A father?
He won't even let Ken and Barbie sleep in the same shoe box.
You and Cindy? I mean, come on.
Eh, the longest relationship Carlton ever had
was with last year's "Ebony"swim suit issue.
This isn't a joke.
I mean, doesn't he look just like Carlton?
Well, it looks like they wear the same size.
- Can I hold him? - Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, he's so cute.
[burp]
Ohh!
Get this drool machine away from me!
Ohh!
Hey, here. Can I?
Here we go..
Hey, juju.
What up, dude?
♪ Hey get up off my back ♪
♪ Save the heart attack ♪
♪ Carlton's been humpin' around ♪♪
Boy, when mom and dad see this
somebody's going to swing.
Well, I can assure you, it won't be me.
This time the butler didn't do it..
...hasn't done it
and I'd be surprised if he even remembered
howto do it.
Philip, I am never wearing
a bathing suit again as long as I live.
Now, honey, I'm sure the pool man
didn't really mistake you for me.
He called me Mr. Banks.
That's still no reason to hold his head under water
sweetheart.
[burp]
I'll get you some antacid for that.
No don't.. That wasn't me.
[baby cries]
Cindy!
Mr. & Mrs. Banks!
Ah! Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, how long has it been?
Well, I'd take a shot in the dark and say
oh, around nine months.
Whose is that?
Uh, he's mine.
Oh, my goodness. He's adorable.
Come here, sweetheart.
Oh, my. What's his name?
Carlton.
Oh, my God.
Please tell me your father's first name is Carlton.
[imitates buzzer] Sorry. Wrong answer.
Now, for those of you just tuning in
to "Name That Father"
this little bundle of joy belongs to a young man
who's seen"Little Mermaid" eight times.
No...no.
Carlton...are you the father?
Excuse me.
Carlton! Carlton!
- Carlton! - Vivian, honey!
Back off, Philip! I'm having a mother/son moment!
Carlton, how could you do this to us?
Vivian, step away from the boy!
Now, look. We're going to have to talk about this in private.
Not you, stupid! Sit your butt down.
Oh, hey, I'll take care of this, Uncle Phil.
Okay. That's it. Move it along. Party's over.
Nothing to see here.
Come on. Pep it up, little gray man.
Whew! Man, I thought they'd never leave.
- Will. - Phil.
Alright. I'm just.. Let me just go over here.
Look, I didn't mean to cause any trouble.
Sweetheart, you show up here with a baby that you say
is my son's and you didn't mean to cause any trouble?
Where do you think you are, fantasy island?
Watch out how you talk to the mother of my son..
...sir.
Carlton, do you realize what you're saying?
Heis Carlton's baby.
I'll believe that when I see a blood test.
It's the truth whether you wanna believe it or not.
I love Carlton.
Really?
Yes.
And I'll tell you something else.
Carlton is the most incredible lover I have ever had.
Oh, God!
I mean, he's so in tune with my needs.
It was amazing and endless and magnificent!
I think I saw God.
[laughing]
The windows. I'm sorry..
- I, I fell. I fell. - We'll go.
- We didn't mean.. - I fell. I fell.
Sorry.
Carlton, I'm so disappointed in you.
[baby cries]
I mean, why didn't you come to us first, honey?
We could have counseled you.
Or at least had you neutered.
Cindy, honey, I don't understand
if you knew this was Carlton's son, why did you leave?
Because I knew that a baby could ruin his life
but I did feel that he deserved to see his son
and that's why I came.
Thank you for stopping by. Goodbye.
Philip. Cindy, honey..
I think we need to talk to your parents.
That won't do any good.
They don't want to have anything to do with me.
Uh.. They threw you out?
Where are you going to stay?
Mommy?
- Well...you could stay with us. - Ohh!
At least until after the blood test.
- I couldn't impose. - Oh, we understand.
You know, I hear Ramada Inn has a wonderful pool.
Cindy, please stay. We want you to. Okay?
Carlton will show you to the guest room
and there's no need to wake the baby.
You know, it's like the Rodney King videotape.
You know, I just keep seeing it over and over and over again.
And I, and I ask myself, I mean
where did I fail him, you know?
Where did we go wrong?
[grunts]
[instrumental music]
Hey, mom. Guess who?
No. It's Will.
Will Smith.
Hey, yo-yo, mom. Check it out.
It is some drama cutting loose out here.
Hey.. Oh, no. I'm not in trouble. But, no, check it out.
Somebody we know is a grandma.
No, no. Not you, mom. Mom! No, no.
No, mom, mom. No, lo.. Mom..
Mom, stop crying. Stop crying.
Mom, no. It's not me. It's.. Carlton is the father.
Wh.. Stop laughing, mom.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah, that'll be a large pepperoni
with extra cheese. Right.
I love you.
Oh, t-that makes them bring it faster.
Give me the phone, Will.
This time Cindy's parents are gonna talk to me.
Philip, honey. Just be calm.
Now, I'm sure they are lovely people.
Just because they let their daughter run wild and
take advantage of our only son and flush his life
down the toilet? Give me the damn phone, Philip.
Wait. Vivian. Vivian. Sweetheart.
I'll handle it.
Ah, yes. Hello. Uh-uh, don't you dare try to hang up on me.
What kind of lowlifes are you throwing a minor to the street
endangering a helpless infant?
Well, I'm gonna do everything I can to see you behind bars.
And what do you have to say for yourself?
Uh, so, when will your mommy and daddy be home?
(Carlton) Here we come, ready or not.
Super, huh?
Look, matching hats.
Oh, I never knew having a family could be so neat.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Alright. Whoa, whoa.
I'd like to take this opportunity
to bring it to everyone's attention that
Uncle Phil's head is about to explode.
And for once, it ain't my fault. Ha-ha!
[sighs] Well, I think it's time
for little Carlton's nap.
Yeah. It smells like he needs to be changed, too.
I'll miss you, honey.
I'll miss you, too.
[chuckles] Isn't she something?
Yeah, she sure is
and Monday, after the blood test proves the baby's not yours
she'll be out of here on the first thing smoking.
Dad, the baby's mine.
Carlton, honey. Suppose the baby is yours.
Now, being a teenage parent is a very big responsibility, honey.
And you have already proven yourself irresponsible.
Otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation.
How are you gonna feed this baby?
Where you gonna live? How're you gonna educate it?
Wait a minute. You mean, you're not going to take care of us?
Hold me back, Philip. Just hold me back.
Hey, hey...I got him, but take another step
and I'll fill you full of potassium.
Master William, uh, might I see you for a moment?
Yeah, sure. What's up, G?
Well, it's such a beautiful night.
I thought you might like to see the moon.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Go easy on the poor little pinhead.
Are you climbing down Rapunzel's extensions?
Oh! Shh!
I don't want mom and dad to know.
To know what?
Cindy and I are driving to Lompoc.
No, no, Carlton. Nobody drives to Lompoc.
You drive through Lompoc.
No, but there's a chapel.
- We're eloping. - What?
No, Will. I don't want to hear it.
I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do.
I love Cindy, and I've made up my mind.
Alright, man. Fine. Look..
Whatever you wanna do is fine with me.
What?
I said, whatever you wanna do is fine with me.
If you want to marry Cindy, go ahead.
Just do me a favor. Sleep on it tonight.
In the morning, if you feel the same way
then whatever you want to do. Deal?
- Deal. - My man.
Oh! Uh, uh, give me your car keys.
You know, Will, I gave you my word.
I think that'd be enough.
Ah, you're lucky I don't do you like Kunta Kinte
and chop off your foot.
[car horn honks]
[instrumental music]
Your cheesecake, sir.
Thank you, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey, would you get Carlton, please?
- Certainly, sir. - Thank you.
"Run, Geoffrey.
Fetch, Geoffrey."
Perhaps you'd like me to catch a frisbee in my teeth.
- Hey, y'all. - Hey, freeze!
- Wa.. - Just where have you been?
Uh, to the refrigerator?
At this hour?
It's 8 o'clock.
Philip, look at us. We are really overreacting.
This is Will. There's no such thing as overreacting.
- Frisk him. - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Look, Adolph, Eva, why don't y'all relax for a second.
Geoffrey, where's Carlton?
I'm sorry, sir, but he's not in his room.
Oh, but the trip wasn't a total loss.
I found $1.25 under his bed.
Who knew Christmas would come twice this year.
Geoffrey, did you check Cindy's room?
Ha! The girl hasn't a penny to her name.
Will, where's Carlton?
Oh, I-I don't know, Uncle Phil.
Did you check the cracks in the couch?
Will...you know something?
Oh, come on, Uncle Phil.
Does this look like the face
of a dude that knows something?
He's got a point there, Vivian.
Well, maybe we should call Carlton's friends.
That's a good idea. I'll call one. You call the other.
Number 52!
Well, we're next, my little bride to be.
Carlton...I hope you don't feel like
I pressured you into this.
I mean, you are glad we're getting married, right?
Glad? Cindy, I've been in love with you
ever since the third grade.
I mean, I used to go to sleep at night
and dream about the day we'd be married.
Do you really mean that, Carlton?
Yes.
Oh, we're going to have such a wonderful life.
We'll have to live in a trailer at first
I'll get a job during the days and I'll work nights too
as soon as I lick that pesky fear-of-the-dark thing.
Well, you know, Carlton, I was thinking
that I would get a job, too.
Oh, don't worry about it.
No wife of mine's gonna have to work.
I mean, you can stay home and take care of the kids.
Exactly how many kids?
Well, you know what they say
eight is enough.
[laughs]
Look, Carlton, I need to, uh..
Would you watch the baby for a minute?
Sure.
[baby cries]
Shh! Shh! Please, sweetie, please don't cry.
Here comes little Mr. Ducky.
Doesn't he quack you up? Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, wow! If I could pass like that
they wouldn't make me play on the girls' team.
[baby crying]
Shh!
They'll throw us out. Shh!
♪ Oh Mandy ♪
♪ You came and you gave without takin' ♪
♪ But I sent you away oh Mandy ♪
♪ You kissed me and stopped me from shakin' ♪
♪ But I need you today ♪
Ha ha ha!
That's my boy.
And if there's anyone here who feels this couple
should not be joined in holy matrimony
let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
Stop, man. Don't do it! You don't know if the baby's yours!
How did you know I'm having a baby?
What? You're having a baby?
Oh, yo, hey. Look, m-my fault, y'all.
You see, m-my cousin was supposed..
Hey, congratulations, man.
Uh, so, y-you're having his baby.
What a wonderful way to say how much I love you, huh?
[chuckles]
You're too late, Will.
Oh, man, you did it? Tell me you didn't do it.
God, please tell me you didn't marry her.
I didn't marry her.
Yes. You the man.
She left me.
I got the feeling she didn't wanna live with me.
What made you think that?
She said she didn't want to live with me.
Oh, man.. I mean, she can't just walk out on you like that.
And what if the kid's yours?
- He's not. - Uh, Carlton, come on.
Just because the baby's cute, doesn't mean
you're not the father.
I never slept with her.
But..
Look, since we're in a church, I feel the need
to confess something. Please don't laugh.
This is really hard for me to say.
I'm, uh...uh..
[sighs]
[mumbles]
Wh.. You a German?
No.
I'm a virgin.
What?
- I'm a virgin! - Oh.
It's nice to know somebody still is!
Hey, look, Carlton, man, uh, I mean..
I didn't know.
I mean, h-hey, I mean, don't feel bad, though.
I mean, a lot of guys are
y-you know, Germans.
Will, I feel so...unused.
I mean..
Promise me you won't tell anyone?
Hey, hey, Carlton, come on, man
you ain't got nothing to be ashamed of.
I mean, everybody talks about how much pressure there is on
girls to have sex. I mean, there's pressure on us, too.
- That's why we lie about it. - You lie about it?
You mean, you're a virgin, too?
Shh! Keep your voice down, man. I..
Hey, I ain't no virgin!
Oh, sorry.
Hey look, man, when it come to me and the honeys
I just say.. Duh-do.. Ooh, yuck.. Yucky!
Will, I'm really going to miss her.
W-where did she go?
Back to her parents.
When she called and told them she was going to marry me
they came and got her.
Hey, look, Carlton, man
they're wrong about you.
You're a great guy, man.
Hey, look. Uh, come on, let's go home so you can get in trouble.
Oh, and don't worry about it, man.
I mean, one day the right girl's going to come along
and I mean, you won't be a German forever, you know?
Good, 'cause I'm really looking forward
to losing my accent.
[instrumental music]
H-hey, don't you dare try to hang up on me!
Now, who do you think you are?
What kind of lowlifes are you people
to throw a, a helpless minor out onto the street
with a, with a helpless infant?
I'll call you back.
Who are you people to talk to my uncle like that
with a helpless infant and-and helpless actors
with all these helpless people?
(Philip) Okay, here. This is it.
(Will) Somebody please help us.