1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,230 Well, how do I look? 2 00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:10,230 Whoa! Man! 3 00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:13,089 Ooh! 4 00:00:13,109 --> 00:00:15,279 Hey, you know that model in all them Hugo Boss ads? 5 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,269 Yeah. 6 00:00:16,289 --> 00:00:18,260 You don't look nothing like him. 7 00:00:20,109 --> 00:00:21,190 You're just jealous because 8 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:23,149 the love of my life has returned. 9 00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:27,079 In Cindy, I've found the woman I'd share my life with. 10 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:29,230 You've never even found a woman you'd share a burrito with. 11 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:32,039 [scoffs] Uh, Earth to Carlton. 12 00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,240 But, uh, Cindy dumped you, man. 13 00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:36,100 She didn't dump me, Will. 14 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,159 She just working through a fear of intimacy 15 00:00:38,179 --> 00:00:40,100 caused by an overpowering father 16 00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:42,250 and a narcissistic mother. 17 00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:44,090 You sure it wasn't your breath? 18 00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:45,210 [groans] 19 00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:49,289 Oh, look! Hors d'oeuvres. 20 00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:52,000 Isn't it great to be rich? 21 00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:54,030 Hands off. It's for Cindy. 22 00:00:54,049 --> 00:00:57,159 Cindy? Isn't she the one who dumped you? 23 00:00:57,179 --> 00:00:58,250 Carlton? 24 00:00:58,270 --> 00:01:00,240 Why are you wearing a suit? 25 00:01:00,259 --> 00:01:03,049 Is daddy bringing home white people? 26 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,069 No. Cindy's coming over. 27 00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:11,049 Cindy? I thought she dumped you. 28 00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,090 Okay. Okay. She dumped me! 29 00:01:13,109 --> 00:01:15,210 But now that she's back, I'm not gonna let her go. 30 00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,039 I'm going to prove to her that I'm ready 31 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,239 for an adult, mature relationship. 32 00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:21,060 [doorbell rings] 33 00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:23,109 Door! Door! Door! 34 00:01:25,289 --> 00:01:29,210 Alright. Don't wet yourself. I'll get it. 35 00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,270 [exhales sharply] God, I'm a wreck. 36 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,000 [chuckles] Carlton! 37 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,189 Cindy. 38 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,079 [chuckles] 39 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:53,180 I, uh, have something that belongs to you. 40 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,189 [baby cries] 41 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:03,180 Say hello to daddy. 42 00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:07,219 Excuse me. 43 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,069 [theme song] 44 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,039 ♪ Now this is a story all about how my life ♪ 45 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:17,129 ♪ Got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to ♪ 46 00:02:17,150 --> 00:02:19,159 ♪ Take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you ♪ 47 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,129 ♪ How I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 48 00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:33,180 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 49 00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:36,090 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 50 00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:38,069 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 51 00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,219 ♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪ 52 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,110 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 53 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:45,110 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 54 00:02:45,129 --> 00:02:48,039 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 55 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:50,150 ♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 56 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,139 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 57 00:02:52,159 --> 00:02:55,079 ♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 58 00:02:55,099 --> 00:02:57,139 ♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪ 59 00:02:57,159 --> 00:03:01,080 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo holmes to Bel-Air ♪ 60 00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:04,139 ♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪ 61 00:03:04,159 --> 00:03:07,030 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later ♪ 62 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:09,090 ♪ Looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 63 00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:12,159 ♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪ 64 00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,180 Hey, G, hurry up with that water, man. 65 00:03:27,030 --> 00:03:29,110 Thanks. Carlton, wake up! 66 00:03:29,129 --> 00:03:32,020 Now, come on, man. 67 00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:34,000 Congratulations, man. It's a boy. 68 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,270 - Ooh.. - Hey, Carlton. Come on, man. 69 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,259 Carlton? A father? 70 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:46,090 He won't even let Ken and Barbie sleep in the same shoe box. 71 00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:49,009 You and Cindy? I mean, come on. 72 00:03:49,030 --> 00:03:51,050 Eh, the longest relationship Carlton ever had 73 00:03:51,069 --> 00:03:54,020 was with last year's "Ebony"swim suit issue. 74 00:03:54,289 --> 00:03:56,250 This isn't a joke. 75 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,189 I mean, doesn't he look just like Carlton? 76 00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:02,169 Well, it looks like they wear the same size. 77 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,030 - Can I hold him? - Yeah. 78 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:09,009 Oh. 79 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:11,210 Oh, he's so cute. 80 00:04:11,229 --> 00:04:12,210 [burp] 81 00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:15,009 Ohh! 82 00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:17,139 Get this drool machine away from me! 83 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,170 Ohh! 84 00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:22,050 Hey, here. Can I? 85 00:04:22,069 --> 00:04:23,149 Here we go.. 86 00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,009 Hey, juju. 87 00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:27,149 What up, dude? 88 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:30,019 ♪ Hey get up off my back ♪ 89 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,079 ♪ Save the heart attack ♪ 90 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:35,149 ♪ Carlton's been humpin' around ♪♪ 91 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:39,220 Boy, when mom and dad see this 92 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,060 somebody's going to swing. 93 00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:44,199 Well, I can assure you, it won't be me. 94 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:47,129 This time the butler didn't do it.. 95 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,259 ...hasn't done it 96 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,019 and I'd be surprised if he even remembered 97 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,199 howto do it. 98 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,159 Philip, I am never wearing 99 00:04:58,180 --> 00:05:00,199 a bathing suit again as long as I live. 100 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:02,199 Now, honey, I'm sure the pool man 101 00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:06,089 didn't really mistake you for me. 102 00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:09,110 He called me Mr. Banks. 103 00:05:09,129 --> 00:05:11,120 That's still no reason to hold his head under water 104 00:05:11,139 --> 00:05:13,019 sweetheart. 105 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,269 [burp] 106 00:05:14,290 --> 00:05:17,120 I'll get you some antacid for that. 107 00:05:17,139 --> 00:05:19,180 No don't.. That wasn't me. 108 00:05:19,199 --> 00:05:22,060 [baby cries] 109 00:05:24,050 --> 00:05:25,250 Cindy! 110 00:05:25,269 --> 00:05:27,120 Mr. & Mrs. Banks! 111 00:05:27,139 --> 00:05:29,069 Ah! Hi, sweetheart. 112 00:05:29,089 --> 00:05:31,180 Oh, how long has it been? 113 00:05:31,199 --> 00:05:33,129 Well, I'd take a shot in the dark and say 114 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,149 oh, around nine months. 115 00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:38,290 Whose is that? 116 00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:41,029 Uh, he's mine. 117 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:45,050 Oh, my goodness. He's adorable. 118 00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:47,040 Come here, sweetheart. 119 00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:49,290 Oh, my. What's his name? 120 00:05:50,009 --> 00:05:51,149 Carlton. 121 00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:58,189 Oh, my God. 122 00:05:58,209 --> 00:06:00,290 Please tell me your father's first name is Carlton. 123 00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:04,040 [imitates buzzer] Sorry. Wrong answer. 124 00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:06,029 Now, for those of you just tuning in 125 00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:07,139 to "Name That Father" 126 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,040 this little bundle of joy belongs to a young man 127 00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:13,160 who's seen"Little Mermaid" eight times. 128 00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:17,040 No...no. 129 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:22,000 Carlton...are you the father? 130 00:06:22,019 --> 00:06:23,069 Excuse me. 131 00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:28,089 Carlton! Carlton! 132 00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:29,189 - Carlton! - Vivian, honey! 133 00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:32,040 Back off, Philip! I'm having a mother/son moment! 134 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:34,050 Carlton, how could you do this to us? 135 00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:36,279 Vivian, step away from the boy! 136 00:06:39,259 --> 00:06:43,149 Now, look. We're going to have to talk about this in private. 137 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:47,050 Not you, stupid! Sit your butt down. 138 00:06:47,069 --> 00:06:49,120 Oh, hey, I'll take care of this, Uncle Phil. 139 00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:51,189 Okay. That's it. Move it along. Party's over. 140 00:06:51,209 --> 00:06:53,040 Nothing to see here. 141 00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:55,279 Come on. Pep it up, little gray man. 142 00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:02,040 Whew! Man, I thought they'd never leave. 143 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,259 - Will. - Phil. 144 00:07:07,129 --> 00:07:10,170 Alright. I'm just.. Let me just go over here. 145 00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:15,019 Look, I didn't mean to cause any trouble. 146 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,019 Sweetheart, you show up here with a baby that you say 147 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,269 is my son's and you didn't mean to cause any trouble? 148 00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:23,120 Where do you think you are, fantasy island? 149 00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:26,129 Watch out how you talk to the mother of my son.. 150 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,100 ...sir. 151 00:07:34,189 --> 00:07:36,199 Carlton, do you realize what you're saying? 152 00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:39,029 Heis Carlton's baby. 153 00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:41,110 I'll believe that when I see a blood test. 154 00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:44,259 It's the truth whether you wanna believe it or not. 155 00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:47,029 I love Carlton. 156 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,159 Really? 157 00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:52,029 Yes. 158 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,240 And I'll tell you something else. 159 00:07:54,259 --> 00:07:59,090 Carlton is the most incredible lover I have ever had. 160 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:00,279 Oh, God! 161 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,279 I mean, he's so in tune with my needs. 162 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,129 It was amazing and endless and magnificent! 163 00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:12,180 I think I saw God. 164 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:16,180 [laughing] 165 00:08:18,069 --> 00:08:20,139 The windows. I'm sorry.. 166 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,110 - I, I fell. I fell. - We'll go. 167 00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:24,149 - We didn't mean.. - I fell. I fell. 168 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,180 Sorry. 169 00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:30,199 Carlton, I'm so disappointed in you. 170 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,049 [baby cries] 171 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:34,070 I mean, why didn't you come to us first, honey? 172 00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:36,000 We could have counseled you. 173 00:08:36,019 --> 00:08:38,100 Or at least had you neutered. 174 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,169 Cindy, honey, I don't understand 175 00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:44,080 if you knew this was Carlton's son, why did you leave? 176 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,279 Because I knew that a baby could ruin his life 177 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,279 but I did feel that he deserved to see his son 178 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,179 and that's why I came. 179 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,009 Thank you for stopping by. Goodbye. 180 00:08:55,029 --> 00:08:56,279 Philip. Cindy, honey.. 181 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,029 I think we need to talk to your parents. 182 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:00,110 That won't do any good. 183 00:09:00,129 --> 00:09:02,059 They don't want to have anything to do with me. 184 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,149 Uh.. They threw you out? 185 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,080 Where are you going to stay? 186 00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:12,049 Mommy? 187 00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,210 - Well...you could stay with us. - Ohh! 188 00:09:14,230 --> 00:09:17,149 At least until after the blood test. 189 00:09:17,169 --> 00:09:20,039 - I couldn't impose. - Oh, we understand. 190 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,059 You know, I hear Ramada Inn has a wonderful pool. 191 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,100 Cindy, please stay. We want you to. Okay? 192 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,210 Carlton will show you to the guest room 193 00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:31,120 and there's no need to wake the baby. 194 00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:47,000 You know, it's like the Rodney King videotape. 195 00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:51,139 You know, I just keep seeing it over and over and over again. 196 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,049 And I, and I ask myself, I mean 197 00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:56,220 where did I fail him, you know? 198 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,250 Where did we go wrong? 199 00:10:01,049 --> 00:10:02,139 [grunts] 200 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:09,149 [instrumental music] 201 00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:15,059 Hey, mom. Guess who? 202 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,220 No. It's Will. 203 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,159 Will Smith. 204 00:10:20,179 --> 00:10:21,250 Hey, yo-yo, mom. Check it out. 205 00:10:21,269 --> 00:10:24,279 It is some drama cutting loose out here. 206 00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:28,259 Hey.. Oh, no. I'm not in trouble. But, no, check it out. 207 00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:31,269 Somebody we know is a grandma. 208 00:10:31,289 --> 00:10:34,279 No, no. Not you, mom. Mom! No, no. 209 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,019 No, mom, mom. No, lo.. Mom.. 210 00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:39,029 Mom, stop crying. Stop crying. 211 00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:43,029 Mom, no. It's not me. It's.. Carlton is the father. 212 00:10:43,049 --> 00:10:45,279 Wh.. Stop laughing, mom. 213 00:10:47,149 --> 00:10:51,080 Uh, y-yeah, yeah, that'll be a large pepperoni 214 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,120 with extra cheese. Right. 215 00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,289 I love you. 216 00:10:58,269 --> 00:11:01,240 Oh, t-that makes them bring it faster. 217 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,220 Give me the phone, Will. 218 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,039 This time Cindy's parents are gonna talk to me. 219 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:08,240 Philip, honey. Just be calm. 220 00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:10,179 Now, I'm sure they are lovely people. 221 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,269 Just because they let their daughter run wild and 222 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:15,080 take advantage of our only son and flush his life 223 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,139 down the toilet? Give me the damn phone, Philip. 224 00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:20,070 Wait. Vivian. Vivian. Sweetheart. 225 00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,220 I'll handle it. 226 00:11:24,039 --> 00:11:27,139 Ah, yes. Hello. Uh-uh, don't you dare try to hang up on me. 227 00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:30,169 What kind of lowlifes are you throwing a minor to the street 228 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,090 endangering a helpless infant? 229 00:11:32,110 --> 00:11:34,289 Well, I'm gonna do everything I can to see you behind bars. 230 00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:37,200 And what do you have to say for yourself? 231 00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:44,210 Uh, so, when will your mommy and daddy be home? 232 00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:51,230 (Carlton) Here we come, ready or not. 233 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,139 Super, huh? 234 00:11:55,159 --> 00:11:58,179 Look, matching hats. 235 00:12:02,009 --> 00:12:06,090 Oh, I never knew having a family could be so neat. 236 00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:09,049 I love you. 237 00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:11,049 I love you, too. 238 00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:15,210 Alright. Whoa, whoa. 239 00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,210 I'd like to take this opportunity 240 00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,149 to bring it to everyone's attention that 241 00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:23,149 Uncle Phil's head is about to explode. 242 00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:26,179 And for once, it ain't my fault. Ha-ha! 243 00:12:28,179 --> 00:12:30,019 [sighs] Well, I think it's time 244 00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:32,179 for little Carlton's nap. 245 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,220 Yeah. It smells like he needs to be changed, too. 246 00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:40,149 I'll miss you, honey. 247 00:12:40,169 --> 00:12:42,220 I'll miss you, too. 248 00:12:44,269 --> 00:12:47,009 [chuckles] Isn't she something? 249 00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:48,289 Yeah, she sure is 250 00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:52,009 and Monday, after the blood test proves the baby's not yours 251 00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:54,289 she'll be out of here on the first thing smoking. 252 00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:58,100 Dad, the baby's mine. 253 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,000 Carlton, honey. Suppose the baby is yours. 254 00:13:01,019 --> 00:13:04,230 Now, being a teenage parent is a very big responsibility, honey. 255 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,250 And you have already proven yourself irresponsible. 256 00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:09,120 Otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation. 257 00:13:09,139 --> 00:13:11,029 How are you gonna feed this baby? 258 00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,169 Where you gonna live? How're you gonna educate it? 259 00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:18,169 Wait a minute. You mean, you're not going to take care of us? 260 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:21,240 Hold me back, Philip. Just hold me back. 261 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:24,159 Hey, hey...I got him, but take another step 262 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:27,000 and I'll fill you full of potassium. 263 00:13:32,149 --> 00:13:35,080 Master William, uh, might I see you for a moment? 264 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,230 Yeah, sure. What's up, G? 265 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,269 Well, it's such a beautiful night. 266 00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:42,210 I thought you might like to see the moon. 267 00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:51,220 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 268 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,190 Go easy on the poor little pinhead. 269 00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,090 Are you climbing down Rapunzel's extensions? 270 00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:02,059 Oh! Shh! 271 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,149 I don't want mom and dad to know. 272 00:14:04,169 --> 00:14:05,240 To know what? 273 00:14:05,259 --> 00:14:08,019 Cindy and I are driving to Lompoc. 274 00:14:08,039 --> 00:14:10,139 No, no, Carlton. Nobody drives to Lompoc. 275 00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:12,240 You drive through Lompoc. 276 00:14:12,259 --> 00:14:14,240 No, but there's a chapel. 277 00:14:14,259 --> 00:14:16,190 - We're eloping. - What? 278 00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:18,019 No, Will. I don't want to hear it. 279 00:14:18,039 --> 00:14:20,169 I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do. 280 00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:23,080 I love Cindy, and I've made up my mind. 281 00:14:25,149 --> 00:14:26,240 Alright, man. Fine. Look.. 282 00:14:26,259 --> 00:14:29,169 Whatever you wanna do is fine with me. 283 00:14:32,179 --> 00:14:34,090 What? 284 00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:36,120 I said, whatever you wanna do is fine with me. 285 00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,129 If you want to marry Cindy, go ahead. 286 00:14:38,149 --> 00:14:40,240 Just do me a favor. Sleep on it tonight. 287 00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:42,190 In the morning, if you feel the same way 288 00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:47,090 then whatever you want to do. Deal? 289 00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:50,049 - Deal. - My man. 290 00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:52,259 Oh! Uh, uh, give me your car keys. 291 00:14:52,279 --> 00:14:55,000 You know, Will, I gave you my word. 292 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,200 I think that'd be enough. 293 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,240 Ah, you're lucky I don't do you like Kunta Kinte 294 00:14:58,259 --> 00:15:01,029 and chop off your foot. 295 00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:04,279 [car horn honks] 296 00:15:10,139 --> 00:15:12,169 [instrumental music] 297 00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,080 [instrumental music] 298 00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:23,259 Your cheesecake, sir. 299 00:15:23,279 --> 00:15:25,049 Thank you, Geoffrey. 300 00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,250 Geoffrey, would you get Carlton, please? 301 00:15:26,269 --> 00:15:29,159 - Certainly, sir. - Thank you. 302 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,009 "Run, Geoffrey. 303 00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:32,220 Fetch, Geoffrey." 304 00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:38,289 Perhaps you'd like me to catch a frisbee in my teeth. 305 00:15:40,279 --> 00:15:43,029 - Hey, y'all. - Hey, freeze! 306 00:15:43,049 --> 00:15:45,080 - Wa.. - Just where have you been? 307 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,269 Uh, to the refrigerator? 308 00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:48,070 At this hour? 309 00:15:48,090 --> 00:15:50,070 It's 8 o'clock. 310 00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:52,129 Philip, look at us. We are really overreacting. 311 00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:56,029 This is Will. There's no such thing as overreacting. 312 00:15:56,049 --> 00:15:57,250 - Frisk him. - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 313 00:15:57,269 --> 00:16:01,220 Look, Adolph, Eva, why don't y'all relax for a second. 314 00:16:04,139 --> 00:16:07,029 Geoffrey, where's Carlton? 315 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,179 I'm sorry, sir, but he's not in his room. 316 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,009 Oh, but the trip wasn't a total loss. 317 00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:15,169 I found $1.25 under his bed. 318 00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:19,120 Who knew Christmas would come twice this year. 319 00:16:19,139 --> 00:16:21,220 Geoffrey, did you check Cindy's room? 320 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,149 Ha! The girl hasn't a penny to her name. 321 00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:31,070 Will, where's Carlton? 322 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,159 Oh, I-I don't know, Uncle Phil. 323 00:16:32,179 --> 00:16:34,210 Did you check the cracks in the couch? 324 00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:39,090 Will...you know something? 325 00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:40,279 Oh, come on, Uncle Phil. 326 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,179 Does this look like the face 327 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,139 of a dude that knows something? 328 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,129 He's got a point there, Vivian. 329 00:16:50,149 --> 00:16:52,019 Well, maybe we should call Carlton's friends. 330 00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:55,210 That's a good idea. I'll call one. You call the other. 331 00:17:04,099 --> 00:17:06,119 Number 52! 332 00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,140 Well, we're next, my little bride to be. 333 00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:16,000 Carlton...I hope you don't feel like 334 00:17:16,019 --> 00:17:17,140 I pressured you into this. 335 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,240 I mean, you are glad we're getting married, right? 336 00:17:20,259 --> 00:17:24,099 Glad? Cindy, I've been in love with you 337 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,099 ever since the third grade. 338 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,200 I mean, I used to go to sleep at night 339 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:30,160 and dream about the day we'd be married. 340 00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:32,059 Do you really mean that, Carlton? 341 00:17:32,079 --> 00:17:33,240 Yes. 342 00:17:33,259 --> 00:17:36,150 Oh, we're going to have such a wonderful life. 343 00:17:36,170 --> 00:17:38,279 We'll have to live in a trailer at first 344 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,230 I'll get a job during the days and I'll work nights too 345 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:45,250 as soon as I lick that pesky fear-of-the-dark thing. 346 00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:47,210 Well, you know, Carlton, I was thinking 347 00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:49,150 that I would get a job, too. 348 00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:50,259 Oh, don't worry about it. 349 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,119 No wife of mine's gonna have to work. 350 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:54,269 I mean, you can stay home and take care of the kids. 351 00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:56,259 Exactly how many kids? 352 00:17:56,279 --> 00:17:58,200 Well, you know what they say 353 00:17:58,220 --> 00:17:59,269 eight is enough. 354 00:17:59,289 --> 00:18:02,240 [laughs] 355 00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:05,039 Look, Carlton, I need to, uh.. 356 00:18:05,059 --> 00:18:06,269 Would you watch the baby for a minute? 357 00:18:06,289 --> 00:18:09,190 Sure. 358 00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:10,289 [baby cries] 359 00:18:12,289 --> 00:18:16,069 Shh! Shh! Please, sweetie, please don't cry. 360 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,269 Here comes little Mr. Ducky. 361 00:18:23,289 --> 00:18:26,049 Doesn't he quack you up? Ha-ha-ha! 362 00:18:28,259 --> 00:18:31,259 Oh, wow! If I could pass like that 363 00:18:31,279 --> 00:18:34,069 they wouldn't make me play on the girls' team. 364 00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:36,250 [baby crying] 365 00:18:36,269 --> 00:18:39,019 Shh! 366 00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:41,230 They'll throw us out. Shh! 367 00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,109 ♪ Oh Mandy ♪ 368 00:18:46,130 --> 00:18:51,019 ♪ You came and you gave without takin' ♪ 369 00:18:51,039 --> 00:18:55,069 ♪ But I sent you away oh Mandy ♪ 370 00:18:55,089 --> 00:19:00,160 ♪ You kissed me and stopped me from shakin' ♪ 371 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,220 ♪ But I need you today ♪ 372 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,160 Ha ha ha! 373 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,230 That's my boy. 374 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,190 And if there's anyone here who feels this couple 375 00:19:16,210 --> 00:19:18,230 should not be joined in holy matrimony 376 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:21,269 let them speak now or forever hold their peace. 377 00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:25,130 Stop, man. Don't do it! You don't know if the baby's yours! 378 00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:27,160 How did you know I'm having a baby? 379 00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:31,089 What? You're having a baby? 380 00:19:31,109 --> 00:19:33,190 Oh, yo, hey. Look, m-my fault, y'all. 381 00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:36,099 You see, m-my cousin was supposed.. 382 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,130 Hey, congratulations, man. 383 00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:41,119 Uh, so, y-you're having his baby. 384 00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,180 What a wonderful way to say how much I love you, huh? 385 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,029 [chuckles] 386 00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:47,279 You're too late, Will. 387 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,250 Oh, man, you did it? Tell me you didn't do it. 388 00:19:50,269 --> 00:19:53,180 God, please tell me you didn't marry her. 389 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,099 I didn't marry her. 390 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,200 Yes. You the man. 391 00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,039 She left me. 392 00:20:00,059 --> 00:20:03,130 I got the feeling she didn't wanna live with me. 393 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:04,259 What made you think that? 394 00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:08,150 She said she didn't want to live with me. 395 00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:11,009 Oh, man.. I mean, she can't just walk out on you like that. 396 00:20:11,029 --> 00:20:12,190 And what if the kid's yours? 397 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:14,250 - He's not. - Uh, Carlton, come on. 398 00:20:14,269 --> 00:20:16,140 Just because the baby's cute, doesn't mean 399 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,000 you're not the father. 400 00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:21,150 I never slept with her. 401 00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:23,140 But.. 402 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,049 Look, since we're in a church, I feel the need 403 00:20:25,069 --> 00:20:27,279 to confess something. Please don't laugh. 404 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,039 This is really hard for me to say. 405 00:20:31,059 --> 00:20:33,289 I'm, uh...uh.. 406 00:20:34,009 --> 00:20:35,000 [sighs] 407 00:20:35,019 --> 00:20:36,210 [mumbles] 408 00:20:38,009 --> 00:20:40,180 Wh.. You a German? 409 00:20:42,029 --> 00:20:43,119 No. 410 00:20:44,279 --> 00:20:46,210 I'm a virgin. 411 00:20:46,230 --> 00:20:49,039 What? 412 00:20:49,059 --> 00:20:51,170 - I'm a virgin! - Oh. 413 00:20:51,190 --> 00:20:54,269 It's nice to know somebody still is! 414 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,089 Hey, look, Carlton, man, uh, I mean.. 415 00:21:05,109 --> 00:21:06,210 I didn't know. 416 00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:08,170 I mean, h-hey, I mean, don't feel bad, though. 417 00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:10,220 I mean, a lot of guys are 418 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,180 y-you know, Germans. 419 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:18,230 Will, I feel so...unused. 420 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,220 I mean.. 421 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,259 Promise me you won't tell anyone? 422 00:21:22,279 --> 00:21:24,069 Hey, hey, Carlton, come on, man 423 00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:26,009 you ain't got nothing to be ashamed of. 424 00:21:26,029 --> 00:21:28,069 I mean, everybody talks about how much pressure there is on 425 00:21:28,089 --> 00:21:31,220 girls to have sex. I mean, there's pressure on us, too. 426 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:35,079 - That's why we lie about it. - You lie about it? 427 00:21:35,099 --> 00:21:36,220 You mean, you're a virgin, too? 428 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,250 Shh! Keep your voice down, man. I.. 429 00:21:38,269 --> 00:21:41,180 Hey, I ain't no virgin! 430 00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:45,279 Oh, sorry. 431 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,130 Hey look, man, when it come to me and the honeys 432 00:21:48,150 --> 00:21:52,289 I just say.. Duh-do.. Ooh, yuck.. Yucky! 433 00:21:56,059 --> 00:21:58,029 Will, I'm really going to miss her. 434 00:21:58,049 --> 00:22:00,000 W-where did she go? 435 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,170 Back to her parents. 436 00:22:01,190 --> 00:22:05,029 When she called and told them she was going to marry me 437 00:22:05,049 --> 00:22:07,279 they came and got her. 438 00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:11,230 Hey, look, Carlton, man 439 00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,079 they're wrong about you. 440 00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,089 You're a great guy, man. 441 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:20,099 Hey, look. Uh, come on, let's go home so you can get in trouble. 442 00:22:22,289 --> 00:22:25,039 Oh, and don't worry about it, man. 443 00:22:25,059 --> 00:22:27,150 I mean, one day the right girl's going to come along 444 00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:32,119 and I mean, you won't be a German forever, you know? 445 00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:34,170 Good, 'cause I'm really looking forward 446 00:22:34,190 --> 00:22:36,170 to losing my accent. 447 00:22:41,170 --> 00:22:43,200 [instrumental music] 448 00:22:48,210 --> 00:22:49,240 H-hey, don't you dare try to hang up on me! 449 00:22:49,259 --> 00:22:51,130 Now, who do you think you are? 450 00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:53,069 What kind of lowlifes are you people 451 00:22:53,089 --> 00:22:55,140 to throw a, a helpless minor out onto the street 452 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,259 with a, with a helpless infant? 453 00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:02,049 I'll call you back. 454 00:23:02,069 --> 00:23:05,099 Who are you people to talk to my uncle like that 455 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,000 with a helpless infant and-and helpless actors 456 00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:09,059 with all these helpless people? 457 00:23:09,079 --> 00:23:10,170 (Philip) Okay, here. This is it. 458 00:23:10,190 --> 00:23:12,079 (Will) Somebody please help us.