1 00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:04,438 Ribeiro: Tonight on "AFV's" season premiere... 2 00:00:07,391 --> 00:00:09,309 [ Laughs ] 3 00:00:12,196 --> 00:00:14,081 [ Gags ] 4 00:00:14,464 --> 00:00:16,265 Woman: That's so scary. 5 00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:21,522 ♪♪ 6 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:27,261 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,597 Welcome to... 8 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,617 And now, here he is, the host of our show -- 9 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:38,555 Alfonso Ribeiro. 10 00:00:38,555 --> 00:00:39,590 [ Cheers and applause ] 11 00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:41,275 Let's do this. 12 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,310 ♪♪ 13 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,795 Come on now. Come on. 14 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,413 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 15 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,898 Thank you so much. 16 00:00:47,898 --> 00:00:51,702 Hello and welcome to a brand-new season of "AFV." 17 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:54,605 It's my 12th year as host. 18 00:00:54,605 --> 00:00:56,773 [ Cheers and applause ] 19 00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:59,459 And somehow the videos keep getting funnier 20 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,811 and the show keeps getting better. 21 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:01,995 The only thing that hasn't changed 22 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,897 is my razor-sharp memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 23 00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:06,950 I remember my first day, my first show. 24 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,970 Even the first joke I told right here on this stage. 25 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,690 There's -- There's just one thing I can't seem to recall. 26 00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,542 What season this is. 27 00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,747 Ah, yeah. Season 37. 28 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,383 It just -- just came to me. 29 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,435 [ Laughter ] 30 00:01:25,435 --> 00:01:30,774 ♪♪ 31 00:01:30,774 --> 00:01:35,679 Orchids are known for their beauty, not their durability. 32 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:40,367 ♪♪ 33 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,757 Woman: So you haven't had a doughnut yet? 34 00:01:46,757 --> 00:01:48,859 What kind of doughnuts are they? 35 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,894 They're the powder ones. 36 00:01:50,894 --> 00:01:54,698 Ribeiro: They should hook him up to a lie detector. 37 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,401 Or at least a powdered sugar detector. 38 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:02,522 The reviews for that baby tent said easy to open. 39 00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:07,527 And they were right. 40 00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:14,835 ♪♪ 41 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,354 Wow. He's pretty good at that. 42 00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:23,343 Not the stacking, but handling the disappointment. 43 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,184 Man: You know what? This is a great idea you have. 44 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:34,137 Putting trash bags on your feet so you can get in the pool. 45 00:02:34,137 --> 00:02:37,658 I don't know why you had to do that, though, because 46 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,792 just jump in. 47 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,461 Sometimes the most complicated solution 48 00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:42,813 is also the worst one. 49 00:02:42,813 --> 00:02:44,398 It's what? 50 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,233 [ Screams ] 51 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:57,227 Minnie! Minnie, no! Minnie. 52 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,548 She seems to be better at narrating the situation 53 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:02,849 than dealing with it. 54 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,702 You get -- Minnie, you stop it. 55 00:03:05,702 --> 00:03:07,804 No. No! Aaah! 56 00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:10,524 [ Screaming ] 57 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,744 Good thing this is on video. 58 00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:15,145 Because if she simply described the reason 59 00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:18,682 she was late for work, nobody would buy it. 60 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,536 Oh, my God. 61 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,454 [ Laughter ] 62 00:03:29,926 --> 00:03:32,796 My family recently got a second dog, 63 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:35,849 which means our house now now has twice the barking, 64 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,034 twice the shedding, and twice the love. 65 00:03:38,034 --> 00:03:43,940 Our new guy is great, but his breath is unbelievable. 66 00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:48,779 Even our other dog is like, "Dude, that breath is rrrrruff." 67 00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:50,230 Yeah, you know, your breath is bad 68 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,849 if the other dog wants you to go brush your teeth. 69 00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:54,601 [ Laughter ] 70 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:55,852 Calling all canines. 71 00:03:55,852 --> 00:04:00,657 It's time to go to the "Dog Park." 72 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,593 Get ready for a high-energy hello. 73 00:04:03,593 --> 00:04:04,661 Oh! 74 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,282 Oh, my God. 75 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,088 Woman: Oh, no. Scout has feathers all over him. 76 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,741 Oh, no, I think I forgot to shut Dad's door. 77 00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:18,909 Oh, no. There's feathers everywhere. 78 00:04:18,909 --> 00:04:20,877 Ribeiro: When a video looks like police body cam footage 79 00:04:20,877 --> 00:04:23,880 from a crime show, you know something bad has gone down. 80 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,949 Woman: Oh, hang on. I know, honey. Hi, baby. 81 00:04:25,949 --> 00:04:27,818 You have feathers all over you. Uh-oh. 82 00:04:27,818 --> 00:04:30,170 Ribeiro: I can't tell if the dog's excited to show mom 83 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:33,657 what happened or trying to distract her with his cuteness. 84 00:04:33,657 --> 00:04:35,659 Woman: Mom's -- [ Gasps ] 85 00:04:35,659 --> 00:04:38,762 Scout! 86 00:04:38,762 --> 00:04:41,765 [ Scout barks ] Scout! 87 00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:46,653 No! Oh, my God! 88 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,972 Get in the back. 89 00:04:48,972 --> 00:04:53,076 Go! Oh, no! Oh, no! 90 00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:55,328 Ribeiro: Personally, I would rather open the rear door 91 00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:59,800 instead of letting the dog drag his business across my face. 92 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,768 But that's just me. 93 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,720 I don't know where my glasses went. 94 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:13,580 Looks like somebody's ready to play in the Puppy Bowl. 95 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,948 Woman: Hey. 96 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,450 Oh, that's so scary. 97 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:23,824 ♪♪ 98 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,843 Man: Oh, my God. 99 00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,912 You brought the dog dinner his whole life. 100 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:30,931 So he decided to return the favor. 101 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,600 Woman: Get it, Rem, get it, Rem. 102 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,052 Man: Come on. 103 00:05:36,052 --> 00:05:38,438 Same litter, same eyesight. 104 00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:40,757 Guys! Come here, come here, come here. Oh! 105 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:47,464 Woman: [ Imitating growling ] 106 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,017 She gonna see you're a bad girl. 107 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,954 There's only one person this dog respects. 108 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,356 [ Laughs ] 109 00:05:57,157 --> 00:06:01,127 Girl: ♪ When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ♪ 110 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:05,098 ♪ When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ♪ 111 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,817 Children: ♪ When you're happy and you know it ♪ 112 00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:09,302 ♪ And you really want to show it ♪ 113 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:13,506 ♪ When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ♪ 114 00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:16,543 Yay! 115 00:06:18,895 --> 00:06:20,780 Little kids don't quite understand 116 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,082 the concept of danger. 117 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,100 To them, a staircase is a ski slope, 118 00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:27,237 a couch is a trampoline, and a shopping cart is a race car. 119 00:06:27,237 --> 00:06:29,322 Here are some tiny daredevils who believe 120 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:33,143 that safety is something that grownups made up. 121 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,111 ♪ Look in my eyes ♪ 122 00:06:35,111 --> 00:06:36,980 ♪ It's chaos in control ♪ 123 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,832 ♪ Heat of the night ♪ 124 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,150 ♪ That's what they made me for ♪ 125 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:44,821 ♪ Ain't no one can stop me anymore ♪ 126 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:50,010 ♪♪ 127 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,612 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 128 00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:58,868 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 129 00:06:58,868 --> 00:07:00,070 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 130 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:02,088 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 131 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,059 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 132 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,193 ♪ It's part of my nature ♪ 133 00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,546 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 134 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,085 ♪ My veins are cold ♪ 135 00:07:15,085 --> 00:07:17,037 ♪ Nobody's shaking me ♪ 136 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,772 ♪ I'm bad to the bone ♪ 137 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,190 ♪ An appetite to feed ♪ 138 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,076 ♪ Ain't no one can stop me ♪ 139 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,745 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 140 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:30,100 ♪♪ 141 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:34,988 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 142 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:38,975 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 143 00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,143 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 144 00:07:40,143 --> 00:07:42,145 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 145 00:07:42,145 --> 00:07:46,082 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 146 00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:47,267 ♪ It's part of my nature ♪ 147 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,686 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 148 00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:54,040 ♪♪ 149 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,078 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 150 00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,212 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 151 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:03,049 Got a funny video? Upload it to afv.com. 152 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:05,185 ♪ Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ 153 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,903 ♪ It's part of my nature ♪ 154 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,755 ♪ I'm coming for danger ♪ 155 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:18,031 There's exciting news in genetic research. 156 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,016 In addition to genes that determine things 157 00:08:20,016 --> 00:08:21,317 like height and eye color, 158 00:08:21,317 --> 00:08:25,155 they've finally identified the "hold my beer" gene. 159 00:08:25,155 --> 00:08:28,341 Yeah, yeah, that's a gene that causes boneheads to yell, 160 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,394 "Hey, watch this," and then make a terrible choice. 161 00:08:31,394 --> 00:08:33,563 And "AFV" is proud to help with the research. 162 00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:37,701 I mean, after all, we've been collecting data for 37 years. 163 00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,352 When messing with a doorbell camera, 164 00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:43,073 always be wary of pointy porch decor. 165 00:08:43,073 --> 00:08:45,792 [ Doorbell rings] 166 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:46,926 Ohh! 167 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:55,368 ♪♪ 168 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:59,956 A good dad can turn every bad decision into a teaching moment. 169 00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,315 Break the fall with your knees. 170 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:13,019 He wanted to jump off the roof into his brother's arms. 171 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:14,904 The gutter had other plans. 172 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,893 [ Laughs ] 173 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,044 Woman: Are you okay? 174 00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:22,962 You okay? 175 00:09:26,382 --> 00:09:29,903 When dad says that, he leaves you with no choice. 176 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,005 [ Horn honks ] 177 00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:35,725 [ Man laughing ] 178 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,746 This bowler will need to pick up the spare. 179 00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:45,135 And a new lamp. 180 00:09:45,135 --> 00:09:49,022 14092 is the house on the corner. 181 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,807 Just turn around. 182 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,230 Oh! 183 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,632 Not only did that guy deliver the package to the wrong house, 184 00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:04,137 he delivered it to a woman who's never thrown anything before. 185 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:08,091 Hang on a second. Can you believe I did that? 186 00:10:08,091 --> 00:10:10,643 Oh, my God. 187 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:14,030 Some weed whackers get tired of just whacking weeds. 188 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:19,068 ♪♪ 189 00:10:19,068 --> 00:10:20,904 Man: So that -- 190 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:25,141 All right, this is how much dirt 191 00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:28,061 we got out of our family room carpet today. 192 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,448 Oh! 193 00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:36,069 Well, at least they won't have to clean their toilet. 194 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,037 That is a lot of water. 195 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,576 I've always wondered about the expression "holy cow." 196 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,296 Who was the first person to see something amazing 197 00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:49,315 and decide that simply yelling cow wouldn't quite cut it? 198 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,334 I don't know, but I do know this -- 199 00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:55,822 There are some videos for which even a holy cow isn't enough. 200 00:10:57,941 --> 00:11:01,845 "Holy Cow, That's a Wow!" 201 00:11:01,845 --> 00:11:02,445 [ Cow moos ] 202 00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:04,714 Man: Dude, Rob Dyrdek it. 203 00:11:04,714 --> 00:11:08,034 Put your shirt over your face and shoot a full-court shot. 204 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,269 [ Speaks indistinctly ] 205 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,321 Yeah, well, he probably would, 206 00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:13,857 and he'd probably make it his first try. 207 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,412 Whoo-hoo! 208 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,916 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? 209 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,118 [ Applause ] 210 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,656 Parenting requires patience, understanding, 211 00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:32,609 and the ability to hear "why" 40 times an hour 212 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:36,212 without changing your name and moving to another country. 213 00:11:36,212 --> 00:11:37,530 But despite its challenges, 214 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,482 it's still one of life's greatest joys. 215 00:11:39,482 --> 00:11:44,404 Even when the joy part decides to take the day off. 216 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,073 Never lick your kid's finger without asking 217 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,142 a few questions first. 218 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,929 [ Gags ] What was that? 219 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,182 Eww. 220 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,368 Oh, my goodness. 221 00:11:58,368 --> 00:12:00,803 I just woke up from a nap. 222 00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,024 Just look. 223 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,044 Mind you, he's 3. 224 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,432 Where -- What -- 225 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,384 Ribeiro: Some kids like their movies so much, 226 00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:17,520 they end up working in the PR department. 227 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,206 Woman: Yeah, he loves Pixar. 228 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,514 This is not funny. 229 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:32,502 This is not funny. This is not funny. 230 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,437 Ribeiro: He's not sharing that milkshake. 231 00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:37,223 Woman: Oliver, that's Daddy's milkshake. 232 00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:40,093 But he is willing to negotiate. 233 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,577 [ Laughs ] 234 00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:44,380 This escapee takes a hostage with him. 235 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:49,402 ♪♪ 236 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,187 [ Dog barking ] 237 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:56,576 ♪♪ 238 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,528 Man: Aren't you supposed to be taking a nap? 239 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,414 He turned nap time into math time. 240 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,316 'Cause I was making numbers. 241 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,118 You were making numbers? 242 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,269 Yeah. 243 00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:08,388 Where -- Were you making the numbers right there? 244 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,340 Yeah, right on the floor. 245 00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:12,258 Where'd you get those? 246 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,344 Get them from that. 247 00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:16,346 Oh, from that? 248 00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:20,283 Where you snapped off all the blinds? 249 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:23,286 That's where you got your numbers from? 250 00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:26,639 That's where they got my numbers. 251 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,460 His daughter is feeding dad pretend food on that spoon, 252 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:34,013 but dad's wishing the spoon was also pretend. 253 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,381 [ Gags ] 254 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:38,067 [ Woman laughs ] 255 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,389 Woman: What happened? 256 00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,175 I don't know. I did not do anything. 257 00:13:46,175 --> 00:13:49,529 But I don't know what happened. 258 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,397 'Cause I was not watching. 259 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,550 The bronzer is everywhere, and so is her explanation. 260 00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:57,320 I think somebody dropped it too hard. 261 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,606 Or somebody just wanted to let it fall. 262 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:04,410 Or somebody lift it up and let it fall too hard. 263 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,629 I'm not sure she'll be a professional makeup artist, 264 00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:08,514 but she might have a future as a lawyer. 265 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:12,201 I don't know. I did not put the things hard. 266 00:14:12,201 --> 00:14:13,503 You don't put things -- 267 00:14:13,503 --> 00:14:16,422 No, I don't know who did that. 268 00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424 It looks terrible. 269 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,943 [ Laughter ] 270 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:30,386 ♪♪ 271 00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:31,738 Ever see somebody do something 272 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,340 and hear a little voice in your head that says, 273 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:35,591 "I should probably help"? 274 00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:37,610 And then another voice in your head says, 275 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,413 "Yeah, but I kind of want to see this"? 276 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,732 I'm not saying which voice you should listen to. 277 00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:46,803 I'm just saying we have a TV show to make. 278 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:51,374 To Diane, a one-car garage is just a suggestion. 279 00:14:51,374 --> 00:15:00,333 ♪♪ 280 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,884 Man: Tiffany. 281 00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:05,188 This is one of the most creative uses for a security camera 282 00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:07,156 that you'll ever see. 283 00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:16,099 I'm on the roof. 284 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,253 Can you hear me? Please check this. 285 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,640 This is what happens when you hire an office assistant 286 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,343 willing to work for cat treats. 287 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,379 ♪♪ 288 00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:32,265 Woman: Bella. 289 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,101 [ Bella meows ] 290 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,137 Okay. 291 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,390 Woman: I don't want to hear no -- 292 00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,676 Oh, my God. 293 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,394 What were you talking about? [ Gags ] 294 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,317 She knows that Bert has a strict 295 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,635 "only wake me from my nap 296 00:15:52,635 --> 00:15:55,955 if there's a bear on the porch" policy. 297 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,459 Oh, my God. What? 298 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,710 There's a bear. 299 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:04,430 There's a bear on the patio. 300 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,516 I'm not saying he's old, but I think his 301 00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,601 stop a runaway car with his bare hands days 302 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,486 are probably over. 303 00:16:10,486 --> 00:16:16,425 ♪♪ 304 00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:22,365 ♪♪ 305 00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:24,100 All right, hit it hard. 306 00:16:28,371 --> 00:16:30,056 Can you hear me? 307 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:34,760 Man: Yeah, I can't hear you properly, but I can hear you. 308 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,015 Ribeiro: Everybody has their own way of dealing with telemarketers. 309 00:16:43,319 --> 00:16:45,621 Are you there? 310 00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:48,124 Man: Yes, sir. Can you hear me? 311 00:16:48,124 --> 00:16:49,458 Yes. 312 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,363 [ Laughter ] 313 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,734 Most people approach housework 314 00:16:58,734 --> 00:16:59,919 with some kind of plan. 315 00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,522 But occasionally that cleaning routine 316 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,374 turns into a cleaning obstacle course. 317 00:17:05,374 --> 00:17:12,448 ♪♪ 318 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:19,521 ♪♪ 319 00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:22,340 [ Laughs ] 320 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,426 Oh, my God. 321 00:17:27,163 --> 00:17:28,314 Okay. 322 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:31,534 All right. 323 00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:39,458 ♪♪ 324 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:47,383 ♪♪ 325 00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:49,402 [ Groans ] 326 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:55,691 ♪♪ 327 00:17:55,691 --> 00:18:02,465 ♪♪ 328 00:18:02,465 --> 00:18:06,319 [ Laughs ] 329 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,154 Oh, my God. 330 00:18:10,573 --> 00:18:12,625 Kids: "Hey, Alfonso!" 331 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:17,346 Hey, Alfonso, I want to see more tripping videos. 332 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,833 Okay, Robert, you want to see some falls? 333 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,569 You got it. In fact, I'll see your falls 334 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:26,722 and raise you some stumble bumps. 335 00:18:26,722 --> 00:18:30,543 Maybe send that text after you've delivered the package. 336 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:37,466 ♪♪ 337 00:18:37,466 --> 00:18:38,684 Revenues remain up. 338 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,387 Wish I could say the same for Gary from accounting. 339 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:47,660 ♪♪ 340 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,694 If you're gonna fall, 341 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,862 you might as well cover as much ground 342 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,681 as possible while doing it. 343 00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:57,003 ♪♪ 344 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,739 Parents have two speeds -- normal 345 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,341 and "my toddler's on the soccer field." 346 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:09,965 ♪♪ 347 00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:12,785 This race will have a photo finish, 348 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,987 and they should show that photo to the guy in the red shirt, 349 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,657 because he won't be around to see it when it happens. 350 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:23,362 ♪♪ 351 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,765 Ow. 352 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,817 I don't know how his service was, 353 00:19:27,817 --> 00:19:30,419 but his stumble's getting five stars. 354 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:35,491 ♪♪ 355 00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:40,546 ♪♪ 356 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,665 They're playing some pickup, 357 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:45,317 as in now he has to pick up his wife. 358 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,773 The stairs get him going and the hill says 359 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,558 "Thanks, I'll take it from here." 360 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:59,198 ♪♪ 361 00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:02,568 They say we learn from our mistakes. 362 00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:03,986 If that's true, 363 00:20:03,986 --> 00:20:06,472 some of these people should be geniuses by now. 364 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,726 Time to drink in exactly what I'm thinking. 365 00:20:10,726 --> 00:20:14,497 It's "Here's a Thought." 366 00:20:14,497 --> 00:20:15,664 Here's a thought. 367 00:20:15,664 --> 00:20:17,166 Maybe wait until the game is over 368 00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:20,619 to run onto the court and hug the star player. 369 00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,624 [ Cheers and applause ] 370 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:29,662 It's not over yet. 371 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,999 Quick suggestion -- if it's so hot outside 372 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:38,504 that your fan blades melt, it's time to move. 373 00:20:42,591 --> 00:20:44,510 [ Laughter ] 374 00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,781 Puppy pro tip -- if your ambush depends on 375 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:49,899 fitting through the chair, 376 00:20:49,899 --> 00:20:52,401 cut back on the bacon treats. 377 00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,258 [ Laughter ] 378 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,895 Free idea -- Pick a sailing route 379 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:06,565 that's not directly behind a 3:15 to Chicago. 380 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,442 [ Laughter ] 381 00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:20,045 A helpful hint -- when people are throwing heavy metal discs 382 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:23,582 through the air, that's your cue to look up. 383 00:21:26,769 --> 00:21:29,955 Woman: There you go, bub. Oh, shoot! 384 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,575 [ Laughter ] 385 00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:36,762 This has been "Here's a Thought." 386 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:40,499 ♪♪ 387 00:21:45,154 --> 00:21:48,707 People often say, "You learn something new every day." 388 00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,142 Is that a good thing? 389 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:52,244 It sounds like a lot of pressure. 390 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:55,631 Most days, I'm happy simply not forgetting 391 00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:57,933 the stuff I already know. 392 00:21:57,933 --> 00:21:59,919 Fortunately, you don't have to learn anything 393 00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:01,804 from the videos on "AFV." 394 00:22:01,804 --> 00:22:05,074 In fact, I'd advise against it. 395 00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:08,294 We're gonna take it. We're gonna put it up here. 396 00:22:08,294 --> 00:22:10,896 He's putting a big wad of slime on the ceiling fan 397 00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:11,997 to see what happens. 398 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,983 And then we're gonna turn the fan on high 399 00:22:13,983 --> 00:22:15,634 and hopefully not break anything. 400 00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:16,635 But we might. 401 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:17,803 Boy: We will, actually. 402 00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,922 He must be trying to win the Nobel Prize 403 00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:22,007 for too much free time. 404 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:25,010 Oh, God. Oh, God. 405 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,763 Some science projects answer questions 406 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,582 that you don't need answered. 407 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:30,799 I can't -- Oh. 408 00:22:30,799 --> 00:22:32,668 Stop it! 409 00:22:32,668 --> 00:22:33,919 Stop it! 410 00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,538 Oh! 411 00:22:35,538 --> 00:22:38,107 Seriously?! 412 00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:41,610 Please tell me you got that. 413 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,177 It fell out. 414 00:22:42,177 --> 00:22:44,947 It's too heavy, and the wires came out. 415 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:47,066 Were you still filming? 416 00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,034 He came for the shrimp. 417 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,886 He left as the catch of the day. 418 00:22:50,886 --> 00:22:53,639 [ People shout ] 419 00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:54,840 [ Laughter ] 420 00:22:56,141 --> 00:23:00,946 Woman: Please take in all the factors of this, won't you? 421 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,682 In her jammies. 422 00:23:03,682 --> 00:23:04,817 Hair sticking to the face. 423 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,052 Ribeiro: She'd better be careful. 424 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,822 Woman: Balloon larger -- 425 00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:11,824 Ribeiro: Yeah, I thought that looked like 426 00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:13,592 one of those disappearing balloons. 427 00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:14,810 [ Babbles ] 428 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:15,811 [ Woman laughs ] 429 00:23:16,412 --> 00:23:18,414 Man: I didn't want it in the house. I don't want it in the house. 430 00:23:18,414 --> 00:23:21,200 Ribeiro: Hey, buddy, if you're gonna be so particular about it, 431 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,669 maybe you should get the bird out of your chimney 432 00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:24,887 instead of your wife. 433 00:23:24,887 --> 00:23:31,777 ♪♪ 434 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:33,062 He doesn't mind leaving. 435 00:23:33,062 --> 00:23:35,948 He just wants to be let outside in style. 436 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:42,304 ♪♪ 437 00:23:42,304 --> 00:23:44,807 You know, I'm surprised this wasn't captured 438 00:23:44,807 --> 00:23:46,225 on a Nest camera. 439 00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:48,794 [ Laughing ] Get it off me. 440 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,867 Nothing says winter like a duck, three turkeys, and a kiddy pool. 441 00:23:54,867 --> 00:24:01,974 ♪♪ 442 00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:04,843 This is going to be a quick trip for one of them. 443 00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:09,882 ♪♪ 444 00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:11,817 Show me it. 445 00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:14,653 Show -- Show me. I can't see. 446 00:24:26,248 --> 00:24:29,818 Ribeiro: He's just hoping the trampoline doesn't break. 447 00:24:29,818 --> 00:24:31,070 Oh! Whoa! 448 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,071 Are you okay? 449 00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:33,939 Success! 450 00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:34,974 Are you good? 451 00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:37,493 [ Applause ] 452 00:24:40,796 --> 00:24:42,097 It's time for "Versus." 453 00:24:42,097 --> 00:24:44,416 Join us as drivers who can't stick the landing 454 00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:48,020 take on goats whose behavior deserves reprimanding. 455 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:49,822 [ Bell dings ] 456 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,674 Tonight on "Versus"... 457 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:58,213 The mannerless goats are up first, and they're ready to go, 458 00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:00,082 no ifs, ands, or headbutts about it. 459 00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:02,067 [ Goat bleats ] 460 00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:03,969 But the poor parkers strike back 461 00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:06,689 with a failed delivery in the back. 462 00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:11,093 The goats know that yelling when they're being pet... 463 00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:12,177 [ Goat bleats ] 464 00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,413 ...is as rude as it gets. 465 00:25:14,413 --> 00:25:17,182 The poor parkers are channeling their inner bonehead 466 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,069 while dropping off their inner tubes. 467 00:25:20,069 --> 00:25:22,071 The goats with no manners are feeling spry. 468 00:25:22,071 --> 00:25:24,289 This little goat lets one fly. 469 00:25:24,289 --> 00:25:25,974 [ Goat farts ] Woman: Oh. 470 00:25:25,974 --> 00:25:28,293 [ Laughs ] 471 00:25:28,293 --> 00:25:30,312 Ribeiro: The competition's getting intense, 472 00:25:30,312 --> 00:25:33,866 with a senior busting through his neighbor's fence. 473 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:34,500 [ Goat squeals ] 474 00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:38,821 Another mannerless goat hopes to get the judges' votes. 475 00:25:38,821 --> 00:25:41,223 [ Goat squeals ] 476 00:25:41,223 --> 00:25:45,144 The poor parkers have one last chance to pull in for victory. 477 00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:46,145 [ Bell dings ] 478 00:25:46,145 --> 00:25:47,980 And the winner is... 479 00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:51,900 ...goats with no manners. 480 00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:53,819 Oh! 481 00:25:53,819 --> 00:25:54,453 Put the goats up. 482 00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:57,389 Join us next time as the badly behaved barnyard brats 483 00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:00,743 take on driveway roller coasters... 484 00:26:00,743 --> 00:26:01,243 All: Whoo! 485 00:26:01,243 --> 00:26:03,679 Ribeiro: ...on "Versus." 486 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:12,121 School teaches reading, writing, math, science, 487 00:26:12,121 --> 00:26:14,907 all things that prepare you for the real world. 488 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:15,574 But from what I've seen, 489 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:19,261 kids need a class called "Hey, man, don't do that." 490 00:26:19,261 --> 00:26:20,395 No books, no homework. 491 00:26:20,395 --> 00:26:24,149 All you have to do is not do dumb stuff. 492 00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:27,136 Yet I'm pretty sure almost every kid would fail. 493 00:26:27,136 --> 00:26:37,146 ♪♪ 494 00:26:37,146 --> 00:26:47,156 ♪♪ 495 00:26:47,156 --> 00:26:52,861 ♪♪ 496 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:58,000 ♪♪ 497 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,001 Girl: Oh, my God! 498 00:26:59,001 --> 00:27:08,977 ♪♪ 499 00:27:08,977 --> 00:27:16,935 ♪♪ 500 00:27:16,935 --> 00:27:18,887 [ Cheering ] 501 00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:28,897 ♪♪ 502 00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:34,853 ♪♪ 503 00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:40,309 ♪♪ 504 00:27:40,309 --> 00:27:42,277 [ Cheers and applause ] 505 00:27:42,277 --> 00:27:45,981 Hey, want to see your funny video on TV? 506 00:27:45,981 --> 00:27:49,735 Just upload it to AFV.com. 507 00:27:57,476 --> 00:28:00,546 Summer brings out a certain confidence in people. 508 00:28:00,546 --> 00:28:03,415 Suddenly everybody knows how to drive a boat, 509 00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:07,019 work a grill, and do a backflip into the pool. 510 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:08,136 Then September rolls around 511 00:28:08,136 --> 00:28:10,138 and that confidence suddenly disappears, 512 00:28:10,138 --> 00:28:12,441 just in time to plop down on the couch 513 00:28:12,441 --> 00:28:14,526 and watch some all-new "AFVs." 514 00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:19,281 Ha-ha! I love it when a plan comes together. 515 00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:20,682 [ Laughs ] 516 00:28:20,682 --> 00:28:24,836 Here's why koala hug cliff diving isn't a thing. 517 00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:27,055 Oh. 518 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:33,078 -Are you good? -Yeah, totally. 519 00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:34,079 Are you sure? 520 00:28:37,532 --> 00:28:40,235 She seems somewhat skeptical of that bench. 521 00:28:40,235 --> 00:28:41,987 Man: Are you shy here? 522 00:28:41,987 --> 00:28:44,206 And for good reason. 523 00:28:44,206 --> 00:28:45,340 Oh, my... 524 00:28:45,340 --> 00:28:47,292 Humiliating your daughter is even more fun 525 00:28:47,292 --> 00:28:51,046 when you're on a boat and she can't go anywhere. 526 00:28:51,046 --> 00:28:52,114 Dad! 527 00:28:52,114 --> 00:28:54,199 [ Laughter ] 528 00:28:54,199 --> 00:28:57,319 Dad! Oh, my God! 529 00:28:57,319 --> 00:28:58,320 Man: Ahh! 530 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,072 Dad! 531 00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:01,340 Suddenly she misses the days 532 00:29:01,340 --> 00:29:03,225 when he just embarrassed her with dad jokes. 533 00:29:03,225 --> 00:29:04,927 Took me forever. 534 00:29:04,927 --> 00:29:06,278 Oh, my God. 535 00:29:06,278 --> 00:29:08,413 But I topped New Year's Eve. 536 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,049 Oh, my God! 537 00:29:11,049 --> 00:29:12,200 Whoo-hoo! 538 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,852 I can't -- 539 00:29:16,939 --> 00:29:18,957 What did you do? 540 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,196 This is my daughter here, babe. 541 00:29:26,381 --> 00:29:27,532 I love you, Ash. 542 00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:31,153 If you're looking for a good pool guy, 543 00:29:31,153 --> 00:29:33,822 maybe this dude knows somebody. 544 00:29:35,324 --> 00:29:36,959 [ Grunts ] 545 00:29:40,746 --> 00:29:43,398 Ribeiro: They're seeing who the baby will crawl to. 546 00:29:43,398 --> 00:29:45,500 But he's not the only one making a decision. 547 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:48,053 [ Indistinct shouting ] 548 00:29:48,053 --> 00:29:54,276 ♪♪ 549 00:29:54,276 --> 00:29:55,777 They're planning on jumping in together. 550 00:29:55,777 --> 00:29:58,480 The problem is, one of them is going on "three," 551 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,515 and the other can't even wait for "one." 552 00:30:00,515 --> 00:30:04,086 Woman: Ready? Three, two... 553 00:30:04,086 --> 00:30:05,854 Oh! Oh! 554 00:30:07,673 --> 00:30:09,474 Ribeiro: If you can't save yourself, 555 00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,293 at least save your pizza. 556 00:30:11,293 --> 00:30:17,082 ♪♪ 557 00:30:17,082 --> 00:30:18,884 [ Pig grunting ] 558 00:30:19,785 --> 00:30:24,022 Evidently, this family is over the pork-per-pool limit. 559 00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:28,093 ♪♪ 560 00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:30,045 [ Man laughs ] 561 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:36,084 Ribeiro: I hope he remembered to flip those burgers. 562 00:30:38,136 --> 00:30:40,472 Oh. Are you okay? 563 00:30:40,472 --> 00:30:42,407 You alright? 564 00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:43,408 You alright? 565 00:30:43,408 --> 00:30:45,177 I guess. What? 566 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:57,339 A drawed a cookie on my nipple and a milk -- 567 00:30:57,339 --> 00:30:58,807 a jar of milk under it. 568 00:30:58,807 --> 00:31:02,911 And when I sit down, it goes into the jar of milk. 569 00:31:03,462 --> 00:31:07,082 Ribeiro: Hope you've enjoyed a new way to dunk a cookie. 570 00:31:07,082 --> 00:31:08,967 [ Applause ] 571 00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:13,688 Relationships require compromise. 572 00:31:13,688 --> 00:31:16,875 Let's say you want Italian but your partner wants Chinese, 573 00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:22,447 so you meet in the middle and get Greek or -- or Mexican 574 00:31:22,447 --> 00:31:27,369 or whatever's between Italy and -- and China. 575 00:31:27,369 --> 00:31:29,371 Ohio, maybe? 576 00:31:29,371 --> 00:31:30,655 I'm not good at geography. 577 00:31:30,655 --> 00:31:33,725 The point is, you talk things out, find common ground, 578 00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:36,978 and eventually somebody orders dinner. 579 00:31:38,230 --> 00:31:39,915 Stay there. 580 00:31:42,384 --> 00:31:44,586 Nobody puts Baby in a corner. 581 00:31:44,586 --> 00:31:47,506 But someone should put Aunt Shirley in a time-out. 582 00:31:47,506 --> 00:31:54,196 ♪♪ 583 00:31:54,196 --> 00:32:00,368 ♪♪ 584 00:32:00,368 --> 00:32:01,620 Hi, kids. Hi! 585 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:04,389 We're in the ocean! 586 00:32:04,389 --> 00:32:05,390 [ Laughs ] 587 00:32:05,390 --> 00:32:06,775 Aah! 588 00:32:06,775 --> 00:32:09,494 That's what you get for not inviting your kids along 589 00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:11,179 on your vacation. 590 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:14,282 Look at Mommy. 591 00:32:14,282 --> 00:32:16,151 [ Both laugh ] 592 00:32:17,669 --> 00:32:19,855 Man: How's your nuggets? 593 00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:24,009 Oh, my God, it's so good, but I'm already getting full. 594 00:32:24,626 --> 00:32:26,328 How's the food taste? 595 00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:30,465 Are you gonna eat that? 596 00:32:30,465 --> 00:32:32,350 [ Both laugh ] 597 00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:34,436 [ Laughs ] 598 00:32:36,755 --> 00:32:38,390 [ Gasps ] Would you marry me? 599 00:32:38,390 --> 00:32:40,542 When did you -- 600 00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:44,563 Yeah? Do you want to marry me? 601 00:32:44,563 --> 00:32:46,448 Oh, my gosh. 602 00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:50,435 Ribeiro: I know what you're thinking, but don't worry. 603 00:32:50,435 --> 00:32:52,270 He doesn't lose the ring. 604 00:32:54,156 --> 00:32:55,273 Woman: Oh, Dad! 605 00:32:55,273 --> 00:32:56,374 Ribeiro: Just his balance. 606 00:32:56,374 --> 00:32:58,376 [ Woman laughing ] 607 00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:02,247 Okay, we're going down. 608 00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:06,201 ♪♪ 609 00:33:06,201 --> 00:33:09,187 [ Screaming ] 610 00:33:12,991 --> 00:33:17,662 Ribeiro: There on the same virtual-reality roller coaster. 611 00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:21,316 But she's terrified, and he's having the time of his life. 612 00:33:21,316 --> 00:33:23,485 [ Screaming continues ] 613 00:33:23,485 --> 00:33:25,437 [ Laughing ] 614 00:33:25,437 --> 00:33:31,793 ♪♪ 615 00:33:31,793 --> 00:33:35,497 Aw, I love seeing couples who do everything together. 616 00:33:35,497 --> 00:33:36,498 Aah! 617 00:33:36,498 --> 00:33:38,600 Woman: Oh! Oh! 618 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,552 Aah! 619 00:33:40,552 --> 00:33:42,587 [ Man laughs ] 620 00:33:42,587 --> 00:33:43,889 Ribeiro: He goes from downward dog 621 00:33:43,889 --> 00:33:46,441 to downward blame it on the dog. 622 00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:49,211 [ Farts ] [ Laughs ] 623 00:33:49,211 --> 00:33:56,585 ♪♪ 624 00:33:56,585 --> 00:33:58,720 A regular fall is great, 625 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,672 but it's those three or four steps 626 00:34:00,672 --> 00:34:01,957 after you lose your balance 627 00:34:01,957 --> 00:34:05,076 that turn an ordinary fall into the stuff of legend. 628 00:34:05,076 --> 00:34:08,547 That's why Stumblebums are tonight's "Assignment America." 629 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,732 We showed a bunch of examples earlier tonight. 630 00:34:10,732 --> 00:34:13,101 So the next time you fall down and go boom, 631 00:34:13,101 --> 00:34:17,522 pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and send us the video. 632 00:34:17,522 --> 00:34:18,739 Jess? 633 00:34:18,739 --> 00:34:21,960 If it involves a wobble, a weave, a teeter, and a sway, 634 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,612 please send your best stumble our way. 635 00:34:24,612 --> 00:34:26,797 Who knows? Your non-ho-hum stumblebum 636 00:34:26,797 --> 00:34:28,817 could win you 20 or even 100 grand. 637 00:34:28,817 --> 00:34:30,952 Upload that video to AFV.com. 638 00:34:30,952 --> 00:34:33,755 For full contest rules, log on to AFV.com. 639 00:34:33,755 --> 00:34:36,591 When you stagger and stumble and just can't recover, 640 00:34:36,591 --> 00:34:37,592 send us the proof. 641 00:34:37,592 --> 00:34:39,561 We're stumblebum lovers. 642 00:34:39,561 --> 00:34:40,695 Don't go away. 643 00:34:40,695 --> 00:34:43,864 We'll be right back with Alfonso's Fab Five 644 00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:47,085 dogs disrupting weddings. 645 00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:53,408 [ Applause ] 646 00:34:55,110 --> 00:34:57,946 We've seen a lot of dogs at weddings over the years, 647 00:34:57,946 --> 00:34:59,914 and it seems like when dogs hear, 648 00:34:59,914 --> 00:35:01,766 "Today is all about the bride," 649 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:04,653 they think, "Oh, yeah? We'll see about that." 650 00:35:04,653 --> 00:35:06,171 So like a dog looking for a bone, 651 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:10,592 I dug through the "AFV" library and found five of my favorites. 652 00:35:13,895 --> 00:35:17,832 My fab five dogs disrupting weddings. 653 00:35:17,832 --> 00:35:19,868 There's a reason a certain someone wasn't invited 654 00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:21,603 to the rehearsal dinner. 655 00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:27,359 Woman: Oh, my God. [ Laughs ] 656 00:35:28,910 --> 00:35:31,780 Now, anybody can get 'round a roundabout anyhow 657 00:35:31,780 --> 00:35:32,947 if there's no traffic. 658 00:35:32,947 --> 00:35:35,750 Ribeiro: Most wedding crashers try to pick up chicks. 659 00:35:35,750 --> 00:35:37,519 Is he supposed to be there? 660 00:35:37,519 --> 00:35:39,437 [ Laughter ] 661 00:35:40,822 --> 00:35:43,558 Ribeiro: This one's just here for the belly rubs. 662 00:35:44,843 --> 00:35:48,847 I now pronounce you legally wed in the state of Iowa. 663 00:35:48,847 --> 00:35:50,699 [ Cheers and applause ] 664 00:35:50,699 --> 00:35:53,752 They promised to stay together for better or worse, 665 00:35:53,752 --> 00:35:55,854 although nobody ever mentioned anything 666 00:35:55,854 --> 00:35:58,223 about a dog with an itchy butt. 667 00:36:01,059 --> 00:36:04,612 You have chosen to be joined together. 668 00:36:04,612 --> 00:36:05,780 [ Dogs barking ] 669 00:36:05,780 --> 00:36:11,770 The rings reflect the individual beauty of each of you. 670 00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:12,904 And yet... 671 00:36:12,904 --> 00:36:15,740 [ Barking continues ] 672 00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:16,991 When the officiant said, 673 00:36:16,991 --> 00:36:18,943 "Speak now or forever hold your peace," 674 00:36:18,943 --> 00:36:20,729 she wasn't talking to the gentleman 675 00:36:20,729 --> 00:36:22,597 with the five yappy puppies. 676 00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:24,683 [ Dogs barking ] 677 00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:31,940 ♪♪ 678 00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,742 Woman: Here's Morgan coming back 679 00:36:33,742 --> 00:36:36,828 from showing her grammy her wedding dress. 680 00:36:36,828 --> 00:36:38,530 Gabby, don't let Tess out. 681 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:39,848 Gabby, don't let Tess out. 682 00:36:39,848 --> 00:36:42,801 Ribeiro: The groom promised to sweep her off her feet. 683 00:36:42,801 --> 00:36:44,519 This boxer beat her to it. 684 00:36:44,519 --> 00:36:46,855 Woman: Oh! Oh, my gosh! 685 00:36:46,855 --> 00:36:48,623 Ribeiro: Good thing she was only planning 686 00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:49,908 on wearing this dress once anyway. 687 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,559 Woman: Oh, my God! 688 00:36:51,559 --> 00:36:53,595 [ Applause ] 689 00:36:56,931 --> 00:36:59,751 The clips are all finished. The votes are all in. 690 00:36:59,751 --> 00:37:01,653 Now let's find out who's going to win. 691 00:37:01,653 --> 00:37:02,887 Let's meet our finalists. 692 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:06,024 First up, a squirrel gets too friendly and just won't stop. 693 00:37:06,024 --> 00:37:09,094 So a woman's solution is to take off her top. 694 00:37:09,094 --> 00:37:12,831 It's "Squirrelly Striptease," sent in by Bonnie Barrington 695 00:37:12,831 --> 00:37:15,784 from Hawthorn Woods, Illinois. 696 00:37:15,784 --> 00:37:18,570 [ Screaming ] 697 00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:20,872 It's on me! 698 00:37:20,872 --> 00:37:22,190 Ribeiro: Good thing this is on video, 699 00:37:22,190 --> 00:37:24,092 because if she simply described the reason 700 00:37:24,092 --> 00:37:26,878 she was late for work, nobody would buy it. 701 00:37:26,878 --> 00:37:29,647 Abby, Jessie. 702 00:37:29,647 --> 00:37:30,965 Oh, my God. 703 00:37:30,965 --> 00:37:33,001 Joining us is Bonnie. 704 00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:36,888 Now, Bonnie, your mom, Pam, is the star of the video. 705 00:37:36,888 --> 00:37:38,273 But she couldn't be here tonight. 706 00:37:38,273 --> 00:37:42,944 Now, when she called to say that she was attacked by a squirrel, 707 00:37:42,944 --> 00:37:46,748 were you concerned or just eager to see the video? 708 00:37:46,748 --> 00:37:47,982 Eager to see the video. 709 00:37:47,982 --> 00:37:50,869 Oh, yeah. Yeah. We love this video. 710 00:37:50,869 --> 00:37:52,904 So good luck, alright? 711 00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:54,405 Thank you. 712 00:37:54,405 --> 00:37:55,073 Alright. 713 00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:58,143 Next up, a woman tries to make her house look pristine, 714 00:37:58,143 --> 00:38:01,763 but her housekeeping turns into a comedy routine. 715 00:38:01,763 --> 00:38:02,964 It's "Housekeeping Havoc," 716 00:38:02,964 --> 00:38:06,768 sent in by Claire Slaven from Indianapolis, Indiana. 717 00:38:09,554 --> 00:38:10,638 [ Clatter ] 718 00:38:10,638 --> 00:38:12,373 [ Laughs ] 719 00:38:23,485 --> 00:38:25,720 [ Laughs ] 720 00:38:27,772 --> 00:38:29,958 Joining us are Claire and her husband, Rob. 721 00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:32,944 Now, Claire, I understand that you grew up watching "AFV." 722 00:38:32,944 --> 00:38:37,031 Did you ever imagine that one day you'd be on the show? 723 00:38:37,031 --> 00:38:38,633 Never in a million years. 724 00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:40,018 I never thought my, uh -- 725 00:38:40,018 --> 00:38:41,970 my inability to clean properly 726 00:38:41,970 --> 00:38:44,172 could get me a chance on television. 727 00:38:44,172 --> 00:38:46,174 Alright, well, listen, consider having Rob 728 00:38:46,174 --> 00:38:49,644 take over the cleaning duties for a while, alright? 729 00:38:49,644 --> 00:38:50,678 Sounds good. 730 00:38:50,678 --> 00:38:53,214 Okay, good luck. [ Chuckles ] 731 00:38:53,214 --> 00:38:57,252 And finally, young artists like drawing, this one even more so, 732 00:38:57,252 --> 00:39:01,105 as he tattooed a yummy snack right onto his torso. 733 00:39:01,105 --> 00:39:03,057 It's "Milk and Cookie Cartoonist," 734 00:39:03,057 --> 00:39:07,195 sent in by Melissa Denney from Lancaster, Kentucky. 735 00:39:07,195 --> 00:39:10,648 I drawed a cookie on my nipple and a milk -- 736 00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,116 a jar of milk under it. 737 00:39:12,116 --> 00:39:15,236 And when I sit down, it goes into the jar of milk. 738 00:39:15,236 --> 00:39:18,256 Joining us are Melissa and her son, Bryson. 739 00:39:18,256 --> 00:39:21,175 Now, Bryson, did drawing that milk and cookies tattoo 740 00:39:21,175 --> 00:39:24,812 make you hungry for some real milk and cookies? 741 00:39:24,812 --> 00:39:25,880 Yeah. 742 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,199 [ Laughs ] Well, it made us hungry, too. 743 00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:31,903 So you keep drawing, okay, there, buddy? 744 00:39:31,903 --> 00:39:33,888 Alright. Well, good luck, y'all. 745 00:39:33,888 --> 00:39:34,956 Thank you. 746 00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:36,875 We're going to find out who takes home the cash 747 00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:37,942 in just a minute, but first, 748 00:39:37,942 --> 00:39:39,160 let's take a look at some of the clips 749 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,814 that didn't make our top three in tonight's honorable mention. 750 00:39:42,814 --> 00:39:46,918 ♪♪ 751 00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:48,903 [ Boing! Scream! ] 752 00:39:48,903 --> 00:39:50,905 [ Crash! ] 753 00:39:50,905 --> 00:39:56,744 ♪♪ 754 00:39:56,744 --> 00:39:58,029 [ Stre-e-e-e-tch! ] 755 00:39:58,029 --> 00:39:59,847 [ Boing! ] 756 00:39:59,847 --> 00:40:01,849 [ Whap! Chirp! ] 757 00:40:01,849 --> 00:40:04,652 Timber! 758 00:40:05,937 --> 00:40:07,589 [ Dog barks ] [ Whap! ] 759 00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,060 [ Sloop! ] 760 00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:15,663 [ Shoop! ] 761 00:40:15,663 --> 00:40:17,749 [ Applause ] 762 00:40:20,969 --> 00:40:23,087 Okay, it's time to hand out tonight's prizes -- 763 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:26,407 $20,000 for first, $6,000 for second, and $4,000 for third. 764 00:40:26,407 --> 00:40:30,945 Here we go -- Our third-place $4,000 winner is... 765 00:40:30,945 --> 00:40:32,380 "Milk and Cookie Cartoonist," 766 00:40:32,380 --> 00:40:37,635 sent in by Melissa Denney from Lancaster, Kentucky. 767 00:40:37,635 --> 00:40:39,020 Thank you. 768 00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:41,055 And the winner of the $20,000 769 00:40:41,055 --> 00:40:44,726 and tonight's funniest home video is... 770 00:40:44,726 --> 00:40:45,443 "Squirrelly Striptease," 771 00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:48,980 sent in by Bonnie Barrington from Hawthorn Woods, Illinois. 772 00:40:48,980 --> 00:40:50,982 We have Bonnie. 773 00:40:50,982 --> 00:40:54,902 Wow! Congratulations! 774 00:40:54,902 --> 00:40:56,020 Thank you. 775 00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:58,906 So, Bonnie, your mom was house-sitting for you 776 00:40:58,906 --> 00:41:00,074 when this happened. 777 00:41:00,074 --> 00:41:03,328 How did she first tell you about what had happened? 778 00:41:03,328 --> 00:41:05,446 I was in Florida, and she called me 779 00:41:05,446 --> 00:41:08,266 and told me she had to file an insurance claim 780 00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:11,719 against my homeowner's insurance. 781 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,171 Wow! Okay. 782 00:41:13,171 --> 00:41:14,989 When I pressed her for why -- 783 00:41:14,989 --> 00:41:17,125 I thought a tree maybe fell on her car -- 784 00:41:17,125 --> 00:41:21,062 she told me she was attacked by a squirrel. 785 00:41:21,062 --> 00:41:22,063 That is beautiful. 786 00:41:22,063 --> 00:41:23,331 Now, what do you think she'll say 787 00:41:23,331 --> 00:41:30,038 when she hears that a video of her in her bra won $20,000? 788 00:41:30,038 --> 00:41:32,974 I think she's not going to be as mad at me 789 00:41:32,974 --> 00:41:35,943 for showing people the video of her in a bra. 790 00:41:35,943 --> 00:41:37,045 We like that. 791 00:41:37,045 --> 00:41:39,180 Now, I hope you two are happy about your big win 792 00:41:39,180 --> 00:41:42,200 and that the squirrel doesn't come looking for his cut 793 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,935 of the prize money. 794 00:41:43,935 --> 00:41:45,103 I'm sure he will. 795 00:41:45,103 --> 00:41:47,305 Okay. Well, congratulations. 796 00:41:47,305 --> 00:41:51,042 You've got $20,000 and a shot at $100,000. 797 00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,176 Congratulations. 798 00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:54,262 Thank you. Alright. 799 00:41:54,262 --> 00:41:57,231 Well, we've run out of show, but from what I'm told, 800 00:41:57,231 --> 00:41:59,817 there's another shipment arriving in about a week, 801 00:41:59,817 --> 00:42:00,368 which is perfect. 802 00:42:00,368 --> 00:42:02,070 We'll see you next time, and don't forget, 803 00:42:02,070 --> 00:42:03,988 if you upload a video and it airs on the show, 804 00:42:03,988 --> 00:42:05,306 we'll send you an "AFV" T-shirt. 805 00:42:05,306 --> 00:42:06,541 So good night, everybody. 806 00:42:06,541 --> 00:42:09,861 And remember, send your video to me, you might win 20 G's. 807 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:10,895 Good night, y'all. 808 00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:12,146 [ Cheers and applause ] 809 00:42:12,146 --> 00:42:22,156 ♪♪ 810 00:42:22,156 --> 00:42:32,166 ♪♪ 811 00:42:32,166 --> 00:42:42,176 ♪♪ 812 00:42:42,176 --> 00:42:52,186 ♪♪ 813 00:42:52,186 --> 00:42:54,789 ♪♪