Ribeiro: Tonight on "AFV's" Halloween episode...
♪♪
[ Screams ]
Woman: Daddy's waitin' for ya.
Oh!
[ Horn honks ]
♪♪
Man: Kiss it.
Ohh!
[ Screams ]
♪♪
Welcome to...
And now, here he is, the host of our show --
Alfonso Ribeiro!
Here we go! Let's go!
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right. All right.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Hello, and welcome to our Halloween show!
I'm your host Ryan Seacrest
in an amazing Alfonso Ribeiro costume.
I'm joking, of course.
It's not an amazing costume,
the real Alfonso is much better-looking than this.
Again, I joke.
I am the real Alfonso
and I will be breaking out the Halloween videos in just a bit.
Until then, check out these videos, and that's no joke.
♪♪
This guy puts the "ow" in "plow."
♪♪
[ Car alarm beeping ]
♪♪
Girl: I see. Now it's red.
Science experiments will teach your kids a thing or two.
Wait, everybody.
Sometimes it's not the thing or two you intended to teach them,
but hey, learning is learning.
And then we take it off so it can...
Woman: Uh-oh, I don't know.
I think you have to take the cap off.
♪♪
Ribeiro: The laundry basket hat leads to the rare "mom/son double scare."
Ow!
Oh, my God, you scared me.
♪♪
Woman: Is this a mannequin or a real person?
'Cause Tashi thought it was a...
Real person. Still do. Still do.
♪♪
You was like, "Excuse me, sir, where is this?"
♪♪
Ribeiro: The best thing to do if you've made a mistake
is to freeze so everyone will think you're a mannequin.
♪♪
Girl: This Snoop Dogg? Woman: What?
Is it who? Snoop Dogg.
Oh, my God. That would be Scooby-Doo.
Well, it doesn't look like him.
♪♪
[ Horn honks ]
The honk doesn't scare her.
But there's something else that does.
Aah!
♪♪
Remember when I said I'd break out the Halloween videos
in just a little bit?
Well, I hope so. That was like two minutes ago.
Unless you don't pay attention when I talk,
in which case, you're not even listening to me now,
so why do I bother?
Anyway, here are some Halloween videos for anyone
who's actually listening.
Because delivery guys don't have a hard enough job already.
[ Evil laughter ] Aah!
[ Laughs ]
Woman: Can you come take Grayson?
Can you come take Grayson so we can get our stuff? Yes.
Way to thank her for all the free babysitting.
[ Screams ] Oh, my God!
I hate you.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my God, that's good.
Man: 35. 35.
That's true.
[ Both laugh ]
They're not black cats,
so Halloween's not really their thing.
♪♪
I'd feel bad for her...
but she's the one who put the decorations up.
[ Evil laughter ]
Woman: Who's this?
Mommy.
Who's this? Mommy.
That's Mommy? Mommy.
Interesting gene pool.
Yeah? Yeah.
Oh, okay, thank you. And then that's Dada.
That's Daddy?
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Good thing he's dressed like a racecar driver,
'cause he's gonna need to make a fast getaway.
♪♪
This kid's "YOLO" is grabbing five pounds of candy solo.
Hello?
♪♪
Halloween is just around the corner,
which means winter is just around the next corner,
so I hope you're good at dealing with snow.
I know this next montage handles it like a champ.
♪ I been looking for a sign ♪
♪ I been going out my mind ♪
♪ Yelling questions to the sky ♪
♪ I been bursting at the seams ♪
♪ I been wondering what it means ♪
♪ The deeper meaning of life ♪
♪ I was spinning on a wheel like somebody's pet ♪
♪ Ever wonder how it feels? ♪
♪ I don't think so, yeah ♪
♪ Now I'm breaking free, there's no looking back ♪
♪ So watch me fly high, watch me fly high ♪
♪ Now watch me ♪
♪ Now watch me float, now watch me float, now watch me float ♪
♪ Now watch me ♪
♪ Now watch me float, now watch me float, now watch me float ♪
♪♪
♪ Now watch me ♪
♪ Now watch me float, now watch me float, now watch me float ♪
♪ Now watch me ♪
♪ Now watch me float, now watch me float, now watch me float ♪
♪♪
♪ Now watch me ♪
Got a funny video? Upload it to AFV.com.
♪ Now watch me ♪
♪ Now watch me float, now watch me float, now watch me float ♪
♪♪
The other day, I went to the pharmacy
to pick up a certain middle-aged man medication
and bumped into a friend
who was picking up his middle-aged man medication
and I thought, "Man, do I miss being a teenager!"
So here are some blissfully ignorant teens
who don't realize that dealing with peer pressure
is better than dealing with blood pressure.
[ Laughter ]
Teens believe any accident is worth it
if they think it can go viral.
♪♪
Young Woman: Are you okay?
...challenge water bottle.
I'll do it.
I don't know who keeps inventing these challenges,
but we owe them a thank you card.
♪♪
Redo.
Ow!
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
It can be hard to tell
when you've overinflated a basketball.
But if you look hard enough,
there are subtle signs that can let you know.
Okay, do it! You go first, I'll go second.
Do it.
♪♪
Woman: You want to go to Target and find cute boys?
So you can embarrass yourself?
You want to see cute boys at Target?
We'll find a cute boy after you're feeling better.
You're feeling good? Yeah.
You sure about that? Yeah.
Oh, I forgot my...
Ribeiro: See that makeup smudge?
It has eight legs and likes to make webs...
...very good thing, after you clean off your lashes...
[ Screams ]
♪♪
Hey Alfonso!
Hey, Alfonso, we want to see more Halloween videos.
Raaah!
Okay, Hank, you want to see more Halloween videos?
Well, I can scare some up for you.
Raaah!
She's hard to fool!
She's easy to scare, but hard to fool.
[ Screams ]
It's cool how they get that ghost to move.
They must have run some power from the house to the tree.
Oh, nope, they just hired a squirrel.
Sometimes fear puts you on your rear.
[ Evil laughter ]
Woman: John, can you do me a favor? Yeah.
Can you move this now because the little kids keep coming
and they're getting scared.
Scaring kids? Not cool.
Scaring middle-aged men? Right up our alley.
Hey! Are you -- ~Raah!
Ohhh!
[ Sighs ] Okay.
Woman: C'mon, Mario!
Ribeiro: I'm starting to think delivery guys hate
Halloween season as much as accountants hate tax season.
[ Evil laughter ]
♪♪
Girl: Daddy? Yeah?
I accidentally did something that was a mess.
Uh-oh. What happened?
You can see the exact moment
that James decided his favorite holiday was Christmas.
Uh-oh. That's...
[ Screams ]
[ Crying ]
Boy: Oh, wait.
Woman: There's a spider right there.
Whoa, where? Aah!
Okay...
Ribeiro: Finally, a kid who can assess risk versus reward.
No.
♪♪
Release the hounds!
It's time to go to the Dog Park.
Woman: I really need to vacuum. So just one more try.
And you're going to behave and let me vacuum.
All right?
It's bad enough he shed all over the car.
But he's not exactly much help cleaning up either.
No. No. No. No. Get back.
Get back. Get --
Stop it. Stop it. Stop...
♪♪
♪ ...Proudly we hail... ♪
Ribeiro: Part poodle, part critic...
♪ At the twilight-- ♪
A criti-poo.
[ Laughs ]
Man, everybody's got World Cup fever.
♪♪
Woman: There we go. Go on.
What do you got?
Ribeiro: If somebody wrapped my treat in another treat,
I'd be jumping for joy too.
Woman: Oh, my goodness. Yes, I know.
Ribeiro: He knows his behavior is so cute
that he might earn another treat before he eats that treat.
♪♪
[ Crying ]
Ribeiro: If only they had some device that could pacify her...
Oh, never mind.
♪♪
Dogs are bigger than rabbits and can be just as fast.
Their traction, however...
♪♪
Woman: Hands in.
Yay!
Some dogs love squeaky toys.
Others just love attention.
♪♪
Black cats may be the poster child for Halloween,
but there are many other animals
that fit in with the Halloween spirit.
In fact, anything creepy, slithery,
and in any way icky counts as a Halloween critter.
Those are rules... that I just made up.
If you're this scared of snakes,
maybe wear something a little more protective than a bikini.
[ Yelps ]
♪♪
That's a wild turkey.
Emphasis on the "wild."
♪♪
Man: Now, if you point to it, I'll follow your finger.
♪♪
Woman: Right there.
That looks a little tiny on my little screen here.
You've got to zoom in.
Do you know how to operate the camera?
Look how small that is. Zoom in.
Wherever they live, I'm never going there.
How big that is.
What should we name this one?
Monster. Monster.
Monster gotta go.
♪♪
Get down, Chucky.
I'm trying to.
Get him off me, Emma. Get him.
Look on the bright side.
Maybe that lizard will shed his tail while he's on you
and there will be a little less of him to worry about.
Get him off me.
Breathe.
Come on, Emma. Get him off me.
Take him off, Emma.
Nice job, Chucky.
♪♪
[ Screams ]
Ribeiro: Ladies and gentlemen,
the world's most persistent raccoon!
♪♪
-What? -It's a raccoon!
[ Woman screams ]
Seriously, does she owe him money or something?
[ Screaming ]
Most raccoons operate under cover of darkness.
I bet this one runs out of gas around 8:00 p.m.
and hits the sack early.
♪♪
Nobody likes people who sit back
and make sarcastic comments about people making mistakes.
Unless that person is on TV.
In which case...roll 'em!
♪♪
Time to drink in exactly what I'm thinkin'.
It's "Here's a Thought."
Here's a thought...
When you invite someone to drop in for dinner,
make it clear that you don't mean "literally."
Four-wheeler tip...
The "all-terrain" in
"all-terrain vehicle" doesn't refer to a ramp
leaning precariously against a flatbed truck.
Words to live by -- If anybody over 30 tries VR,
they should only do it surrounded by loved ones
holding oversized pillows.
You look like you're enjoying it though.
It's good. I'm gone.
[ Woman screams ]
News flash...
Golfing on your buddy's private course?
Okay.
Golfing on your buddy's privates?
Not okay.
Man: Cover your face. Cover your face.
Oh!
Ribeiro: This has been "Here's a Thought."
♪♪
I believe in truth in advertising,
so I can say the next two minutes will be
the greatest of your life!
Because this isn't an advertisement,
it's entertainment where truth is optional.
Hoverboards are keeping the hanging mirror industry
in business.
♪♪
Man: Jovie, what are those?
What? Quesadillas.
Quesadillas? Yeah.
Oh. Cicadas? Yeah.
Oh.
♪♪
The dog doing its business makes its owner fall on hers.
♪♪
-Yes. -Do it!
If you managed to avoid the scooter craze this long,
maybe you should just keep avoiding it.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
Woman: Are you okay?
You put this like this and...
[ Clears throat ]
Come here, turkey!
Boy: That's good!
That trick shot entitles dad to a quick hydration celebration.
Dad!
Aw, he made a "grass salad" out of the backyard
with his granddaughter.
Pretty good. Tastes like dog pee-pee.
♪♪
This is the part of the show
where we thank the videos that made the show such a success.
Tonight, we thank the people who got all dressed up,
just to fall right back down!
♪♪
Woman: Close the door.
Oh!
♪♪
Often you say something that ends up biting you
in the backside when you're proven wrong.
And sometimes, it happens very quickly
and is captured on video, which is perfect for us.
We can't be following people around
for years waiting for them to be proven wrong.
It's just not cost effective.
Woman: Careful on the stairs, they may be slippery.
Yup. They're slippery.
Okay?
♪♪
Man: Oh.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Woman: Oh, my God.
♪♪
Ugh!
♪♪
Woman: Oh!
[ Woman screams ]
[ Applause ]
Love. It's exciting and...new.
Wait, did I just accidentally recite
the theme to "The Love Boat"?
Man, I'm such a Gen X'er. Kids, just ask your parents.
Right now, it's time for videos about love.
So come aboard, we're expecting you.
No. I just -- I gotta stop doing the "Love Boat" theme.
♪♪
You don't see too many couples doing the "carry the wife
across the threshold" thing these days.
And for good reason.
♪♪
[ Man laughs ]
♪♪
Woman: We need to put him outside.
Making your wife think you're seriously injured
is a seriously good way to end up sleeping on the couch.
Tony!
You...
Tony.
I just dropped tea in the chair.
I'll bet she's been married to this guy
long enough to know not to stand under a snowy branch with him.
♪♪
Stop it! You --
We're on video. I don't care.
Down my jacket.
-Hello? -Let us in.
We're here.
If they think the trip getting here was rough, just wait!
-Oh, hi. Come on in. -Wait.
♪♪
Woman: It's -- It's going to be the reveal.
That is like -- You look identical to that.
I look identical to this?
They're doing that challenge
where spouses paint pictures of each other.
[ Laughs ]
You look like Nicolas Cage.
You take the camera. Oh, goodness.
All right.
And I'll hold it.
It looks exactly like me?
No. [ Laughing ]
[ Laughs ]
I think this amateur Van Gogh should probably just Van Stop.
That's horrible.
[ Laughing ]
Look...
The thing that makes every good scary movie scarier
is the music.
Don't believe me?
Try watching the scariest movie you've ever seen
but replace the music with polka.
Okay, you know what, that would still be scary,
but a different kind of scary.
But check out this montage where scares and scary music
equal some frightfully funny stuff.
♪♪
[ Screams ]
♪♪
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
And so I -- Ohhhh...
♪♪
Ah! Oh!
♪♪
-[ Deep voice ] Good morning. -[ Screams ]
♪♪
[ Screams ]
[ Yelps ]
You--
♪♪
Oh!
♪♪
No!
[ Laughter ]
Woman: What sound does, uh a rooster make?
Cockle-doodle-doo!
What sound does Mommy make?
[ Laughs ]
Ask your kid to do their best impression of mom or dad
and upload it to AFV.com.
Siblings. We love them.
However, sometimes we hate them
because they're also the most likely
to be hogging the bathroom when we need it most.
It's a complicated relationship.
♪♪
In sisterly squabbles,
this is known as "the nuclear option."
[ Farts ]
Woman: Oh, my God. What happened?
Ribeiro: This boy loves his sister.
But nowhere near as much as he loves his naps.
The guitar's awake.
[ Laughs ]
Woman: What did you do?
She has an artistic side...
Look.
...and now her brother has an artistic face.
Oh, my gosh...
Mama.
What did you do -- yeah?
Spin.
Siblings -- Even when they get along,
things can still go wrong.
Woman: Oh!
-Are you okay? -Yep.
-Are you sure? -Yep.
Okay.
Woman: Sammy. Guess what.
♪♪
You're going to be a big brother.
[ Cries ]
[ Laughs ]
Ribeiro: The only thing Sammy loves more than Mommy and Daddy...
is not having to share them.
What?
Today's theme is...
Both: Rollerblading!
Ribeiro: Rollerbladers that love Dr. Seuss!
Roller girl lands on her caboose.
[ Laughs ]
Woman: What did you guys do?
When you leave a three-year-old in charge of a two-year-old,
the Venetian blinds don't have a long shelf life.
Loretta.
♪♪
I used to feel bad for Halloween
because all the Christmas hoopla starts earlier
and earlier each year, muscling in on Halloween's turf.
But this year, I started seeing ads for Halloween decorations
as early as July.
Hey, holidays,
can you keep each holiday season in its designated time frame?!
Now with that said, I have a lead on some Easter candy
if anyone wants to hit me up.
Woman: C'mon. It's okay. It's okay.
Come on.
I'd be the same way if I ran into a giant version
of my mortal enemy.
Come on. You can do it. You can do it.
Come on.
[ Horn honks ]
♪♪
Well, how did you think skeletons got to work?
Woman: They're in the back too!
♪♪
Woman: Sophie, can I see your baby?
Just real quick.
Ribeiro: It's the kind of zombie face that only a mother could love!
♪♪
He's really looking forward to scaring everybody
in the neighborhood with that creepy clown.
And I do mean everybody.
[ Evil laughter ] [ Screams ]
♪♪
It's true that people start to look like their dogs.
♪♪
All right.
It's free candy.
But you still pay for it.
[ Screams ]
♪♪
You know what the world needs now?
A dog who just might be hungry.
♪♪
[ Growling ]
Hungry? [ Whines ]
I hope you've enjoyed a dog who just might be hungry.
♪♪
People who say "hi" instead of "hello"
save an estimated two to three minutes a week!
It's true... as far as you know.
And doing it saves you just enough time
to watch these videos.
So say hello -- no, say hi to them.
There. Just saved you some valuable time.
Shin guards.
They're not just for catchers anymore.
[ Laughs ]
Face masks.
They're not just for catchers anymore.
Man: Happy Birthday, Mr. Slumer.
They're called snapping turtles for a reason.
Kiss it. Oh!
♪♪
Wow, she's really mad at that scooter
for breaking down on her.
I mean, it's a healthy level of mad.
A manageable level.
It's not like she's gonna do something too crazy...
Never mind.
No. No!
Mine.
A two-car garage can store lots of bad ideas.
♪♪
Poor kid.
He just wants to set up his camera
to shoot his skateboarding trick.
♪♪
-It's okay. -I thought it was just trash.
-It's a phone. -Sorry about that.
Man: That's okay.
Woman: Tilly!
Get.
Get out of there.
Ribeiro: It's almost like the term "pig"
has come to mean "messy eater" for a reason.
Woman: What are you doing? Busted.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
Ribeiro: She takes out her daughter's tooth.
As well as a good portion of the front door.
[ Laughs ]
A Halloween episode is an "AFV" tradition,
which leads to another "AFV" tradition --
me asking for more Halloween videos,
which is why Halloween is tonight's "Assignment America."
Yes, we want to see your costumed kids,
your spooky scares, your tricking, your treatin',
and those treats being eaten!
Jess, tell 'em what to do!
Halloween comes but once a year,
so upload your clips of costumes, candy, and fear!
Your family's haunted happenings might even
scare up a jack-o-lantern full of cash,
because you could win 20 or even 100 grand.
Just upload the video to AFV.com.
For full contest rules, log on to AFV.com.
Trick or treat, smell your own darn feet,
Halloween videos just can't be beat!
♪♪
Well, we laughed so hard it was tough on our bladders.
Now we'll make one family's bank account much fatter.
Let's meet our finalists.
First up, a treat wrapped in meat?
Well, isn't that sweet!
It's "Bonkers for Bacon Bones" sent in by Tara Howard
from Bourbonnais, Illinois.
Tara: There we go. Go on.
What do you got? What do you got?
Ribeiro: If somebody wrapped my treat in another treat,
I'd be jumping for joy too.
Tara: Oh, my goodness. Yes, I know.
Joining us are Tara, Jeremy, Cassie, and Milo.
Tell me, was this a one-time thing,
or does Milo do this excited dance any time
he is given any old treat?
He does it every time he's given that specific treat.
Oh, well, we love that.
Well, you know what, when my wife sees this,
she'll know I'm not the only one who has a bacon dance.
'Cause I got a lil -- that's my bacon dance right there.
All right. Well, good luck, y'all!
Thank you. All right. All right.
Next up, it's a couple's art project.
What could be quainter?
Except when your husband's not much of a painter.
It's "Van Gogh? Oh, No" sent in by LaSandra McKeever
from Mountain Township, Missouri.
LaSandra: You take the camera. Oh, goodness.
All right.
And I'll hold it.
It looks exactly like me?
No. [ Laughing ]
[ Laughs ]
Joining us are LaSandra and Luap.
Now, LaSandra, what went through your mind
when you saw Luap's portrait of you?
I think he forgot a little tone,
or maybe I need some sun.
I understand, I understand.
Now did you guys eventually hang the portraits up in your house?
I tried to. It was voted against.
But I kept them for posterity.
Absolutely. Well, you know what, listen,
I have your number if I decide I want to sit
for my "AFV" official portrait.
Okay?
[ Laughter ]
All right. Well, good luck, y'all!
-Thank you. -All right. All right.
And finally, a scooter can be tricky to teach,
just make sure sharp objects are nowhere in reach.
It's "Got an Axe to Grind" sent in by Afton Lorenz
from Brevard, North Carolina.
Wow, she's really mad at that scooter
for breaking down on her.
I mean, it's a healthy level of mad.
A manageable level.
It's not like she's gonna do something too crazy...
Never mind.
No. No!
The Lorenz family is experiencing
some technical issues due to Hurricane Helene.
So they are joining us via phone.
Hello, Afton, Ross, Rosie, and Beck,
are you guys staying safe and dry?
-Yeah! Whoo! -We are, yeah.
Well, listen, Rosie, I gotta ask ya --
Rosie was pretty frustrated with her scooter.
What was she planning to do with that hatchet?
Afton: She was going to fix it, she said.
She was going to fix it with a hatchet?
Okay, well, that's a new kind of tool for fixing things.
But listen, best of luck with your video
and please stay safe and out of harms way, okay?
-Thank you so much. -Appreciate it.
All right. Take care, you guys.
All right, we're going to find out who takes
home the cash in just a minute,
but first, let's take a look at some of the clips
that didn't make our top three in tonight's honorable mention.
♪♪
[ Applause ]
Okay, it's time to hand out tonight's prizes.
$20,000 for first, $6,000 for second,
and $4,000 for third.
Here we go.
Our third place, $4,000 winner is
"Got an Axe to Grind" sent in by Afton Lorenz
from Brevard, North Carolina.
Thank you.
And the winner of the $20,000
and tonight's funniest home video is
"Bonkers for Bacon Bones" sent in by Tara Howard
from Bourbonnais, Illinois.
We have Tara, Jeremy, Cassie, and Milo!
Congratulations!
Tara, I understand that you rescued Milo from a shelter
about six years ago.
Do you think this is why he gets so excited for a treat?
Yes. Yeah, he absolutely does not believe
that he actually gets to have that treat.
So he's very thankful.
I can understand, and we're very thankful also
'cause you know what?
You rescued him
and he's rewarding you with love, affection,
and 20 grand!
[ Cheers and applause ]
So congratulations, you've got that $20,000
and a shot at $100,000!
Congratulations, y'all.
All right, well, that's our show.
And while I hate to be the bearer of bad news,
it's better than being the bearer of bad breath.
We'll see you next time and don't forget,
if you upload a video and it airs on the show,
we'll send you an "AFV" T-shirt.
So goodnight, everybody, and remember,
send your video to me, you might win 20 G's.
Goodnight, y'all!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
♪♪