1 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,250 Get your bag off the table. People eat there. 2 00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,330 They eat on plates. 3 00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:31,170 Don't give me any crap, Maizy. 4 00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,420 l'm telling. You said "crap." 5 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,260 There's nothing wrong with crap. 6 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:37,260 Oh, really? l thought that was a swear. 7 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,260 No. You're thinking of shit. 8 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:40,640 Oh, right. 9 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,520 Do you mind? 10 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,190 A sixth grader chased me on his bike, 11 00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:48,440 and l was running. 12 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,940 When l got exhausted and fell down, he whaled me with his shoe. 13 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,820 Thank your parents for that. 14 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,650 How come? lt was their brilliant idea to move here. 15 00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,280 They weren't making enough cash in lndianapolis. 16 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,620 Forget that we were perfectly happy. 17 00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,790 So thank them for getting treated like shit every day. 18 00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:05,700 l'm telling on that one. 19 00:02:05,870 --> 00:02:07,410 Shut your face. 20 00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:14,800 Your book bag doesn't go on the floor. 21 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,710 Always have a cow. 22 00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:20,590 Your nails are digging to my arm, God damn it! 23 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,050 Pick it up. 24 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,850 You're just supposed to open the door for us. 25 00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:27,890 You're not supposed to kick us around. 26 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:30,140 l'm an American, l have rights. 27 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:31,900 Maizy, did l kick you around? 28 00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,190 No, but you said "shit" twice. 29 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,900 But only once for real. 30 00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,990 l've got better things to do than babysit you, you little stain. 31 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:43,280 Like what? Hang out with friends you don't have? 32 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:45,740 Why don't you just shut up? 33 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,870 Want to make me? 34 00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:52,880 When our mother figure isn't here, l'm in charge. 35 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,550 l'm sick of you calling her that! 36 00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:57,050 Too bad. 37 00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,420 You moron ! 38 00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:03,010 l don't know why we need boys at all. 39 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,510 They're so loud. 40 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,600 Shut up! 41 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,100 Shut up yourself! 42 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,230 We need boys so they can grow up, 43 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,940 get married, and turn into shadows. 44 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,440 Let the dog out. 45 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,440 Percy! 46 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,080 This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. 47 00:03:35,170 --> 00:03:37,130 How do you find the time? 48 00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:41,800 Miles. 49 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,970 Maizy, put that down. 50 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,390 Did you win in hockey yesterday? 51 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,310 Hockey's been over for two weeks. 52 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:58,230 l guess you don't want a hockey stick for your birthday. 53 00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:05,990 You know what? 54 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:11,660 When Dad goes to New York, l'm going to take a week off work. 55 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,080 So you can interview new housekeepers? 56 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:17,170 l've had enough of your ugliness. 57 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,170 Oh, really? Mmm-hmm. 58 00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:23,510 We're all just a little tired of the act. 59 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,940 This was a really good idea. 60 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,190 Thank you. 61 00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:44,150 How's that pie? 62 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,490 Not bad. 63 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,370 You gonna be at work in the morning? 64 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,370 l don't see how l can avoid it. 65 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,750 You don't seem very happy about it. 66 00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:57,040 All right, if you gotta know, 67 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,340 l'm really not that excited about working for my girlfriend. 68 00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:02,420 There. l said it. lt's out of the way. 69 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,010 Okay, okay. Buck, l love you. l can't help myself. 70 00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:07,840 l wanna get married, l wanna have a family. 71 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,390 l wanna do it with you. 72 00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:11,430 Well, you know, the clock is ticking away here. 73 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,310 l would just like to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet before l die. 74 00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:18,350 l'll get you a mouse and a piece of sheet metal. 75 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:21,400 Come on. Lighten up, will you? 76 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,400 Don't push my button. l'm not gonna get into this. 77 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,110 l'm not pushing your buttons. 78 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,490 l know me, l know what l like. 79 00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:31,080 All right? l like my friends. l like my freedom. 80 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,120 l like knowing l can throw my sticks in the trunk of my car 81 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,330 and go golfing anytime l want. 82 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,960 l don't hurt anybody. l don't see what the problem is. 83 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,040 That's the best formula for loneliness l ever heard. 84 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,050 Why are we arguing? 85 00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:45,210 We're talking. 86 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,930 l said l'd be at work in the morning. l'll be there. 87 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,300 Okay. 88 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:56,180 l. . . l just gotta get this out. 89 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,270 l mean, l know l'm harping on something here, but, you know, 90 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,020 just let me say it. l mean, you know, l am. . . 91 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,860 l'm working on history. l'm working on the past. 92 00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:06,530 You're gonna show up for work, you swear to God? ln the A.M.? Promise? 93 00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,530 Chanice, l'll be honest with you, 94 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:11,160 if l could think of an excuse that you would buy, 95 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,280 l'd use it. 96 00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:26,130 (RlNGlNG) 97 00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:28,840 Hello. 98 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,760 Oh, God. 99 00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:35,970 What? 100 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,600 Just a second. 101 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,060 lt's your aunt. What happened? 102 00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:42,940 Your Dad had a heart attack. 103 00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:49,360 Who's going to watch the kids? 104 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,200 Marcie. She's right across the street. 105 00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:56,080 She's the last person l'd ask for a favor. 106 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,040 What about the Nevilles? 107 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,590 Would you call them? 108 00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,090 l want to leave as soon as we can. 109 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,010 l am so helpless here. 110 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:14,850 Honey, now, don't start getting down on why we moved. 111 00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:17,520 lt has nothing to do with what happened. 112 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,770 Sorry. 113 00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:23,850 Now, this is just a thought. 114 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,360 What about Buck? 115 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,440 l'm sure he'd be glad to help out. 116 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,570 This is not the time to discuss your brother. 117 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,530 l don't want him here. 118 00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,280 lt's just a suggestion. 119 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:37,870 He doesn't have kids. He isn't married. He doesn't even work! 120 00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:44,080 He's a little out there, but he's responsible, and he's family. 121 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:49,260 Buck isn't the kind of guy l feel comfortable leaving my kids with. 122 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,090 The trashy people he hangs out with. 123 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,050 That woman who sells tires. 124 00:07:55,390 --> 00:07:57,930 The horse racing. The gambling. 125 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,140 Can you see him in this house? 126 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,270 Okay. 127 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,810 Call the Nevilles. 128 00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:12,900 Are we going to lndianapolis? 129 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,410 Daddy and l are. 130 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,080 And we're not? 131 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,450 No. l don't think that would be a good idea. 132 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,580 Thanks. 133 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,630 l love my father very much. 134 00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,050 So why did you move away from him? 135 00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,340 lf my whole family moved away from me, 136 00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:38,100 l'd have a heart attack, too. 137 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,270 Oh, l see. 138 00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,070 Who gonna take care of us? 139 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,280 Mr. and Mrs. Neville. 140 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,940 ls that a joke? You don't like the Nevilles? 141 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,950 Their dog's a ball sniffer. 142 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,620 Don't talk like that. 143 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,740 Mr. Neville yelled at Michael Larson 144 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,870 because the dog was sniffing Michael's balls. 145 00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:02,950 Don't use that word. 146 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,250 l don't know another word. 147 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,790 Well, l'm sure we can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog. 148 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,630 Sorry, honey. They're in Florida. 149 00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:15,970 Okay. You get in bed. You have to get up for school. 150 00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:18,050 Who's in Florida? 151 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,510 Get back in bed. 152 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,560 What's another word for "balls"? 153 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:23,310 Get in bed. 154 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,390 "Nuts." 155 00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:32,480 What do we do? 156 00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:34,820 l don't think we have much choice. 157 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,160 Can we trust him? 158 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,410 Yeah? 159 00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:44,330 Buck, this is Bob. 160 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,580 Bob. 161 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:47,870 Bob who? 162 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,960 Buck, it's your brother. 163 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:54,760 Bobby. 164 00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,340 Bobby, hang on a minute. 165 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,600 (BUCK COUGHlNG) 166 00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,490 (ALARMS BLARlNG) 167 00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,030 Bobby, l just used your Christmas present. 168 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,120 Oh, the clapper. 169 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,620 Bobby, you little piss ant, how you doing? 170 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,000 Jeez. What are you, drunk? 171 00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:34,000 Hey, you know something? We gotta get together. 172 00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:36,210 l haven't been over to your house since you moved. 173 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:40,130 Hey... I'm reaI sorry about those bushes too. 174 00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,890 l had no idea they would all catch on fire like that. 175 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,810 You know, you were right. l should never have put the barbecue that close. 176 00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:50,190 Buck, Cindy's father had a heart attack tonight. 177 00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,980 We'd like to get down to lndianapolis as soon as possible, 178 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,480 but we have a problem with the kids. 179 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:59,190 We're stuck for somebody to watch them. 180 00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,070 lf you're not doing anything. . . 181 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,200 ls this okay with Cindy? This has got her approval on it? 182 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,330 Oh, yeah. 183 00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:10,080 That would be great! l'd be honored ! Sure! 184 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,670 l've still got the one bedroom, you know, l'm gonna get a bigger place, 185 00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,670 but they bring their sleeping bags over here, 186 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,050 we'll have some fun. We'll make tents and stuff. 187 00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:21,010 We'll get some toys and some peanut butter. 188 00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:23,140 l thought you could come here. 189 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,680 The kids have school. 190 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,890 What am l thinking about? Sure. 191 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,970 Do we wanna do this tonight or in the morning? 192 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,190 Tonight would be best, l mean, if you could do it. 193 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,600 Yeah. Tonight will be fine. 194 00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:35,060 That'll be fine. Don't worry about it. 195 00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,230 l'll pack a few things. l'm on my way. 196 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,860 Thanks. See you soon. 197 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,910 He can do it. 198 00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:45,950 He was asleep, and l woke him up. 199 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,410 At this hour, that's a good sign. 200 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,750 We're all set. 201 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,970 Okay. This, this, this. 202 00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,140 Bag, bag, bag. 203 00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:09,430 Okay. 204 00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:11,980 This one will do. This. . . 205 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,360 (RlNGlNG) 206 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,700 Hello. 207 00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,410 Chanice? Honey? 208 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,740 Honey, l have some bad news. 209 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,910 Let me guess. 210 00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:34,370 You are not coming in to work in the morning. 211 00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:39,210 Just let. . . 212 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,380 Let. . . 213 00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:42,340 No, but. . . 214 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,420 You don't. . . 215 00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:45,090 Would you just. . . Let me. . . 216 00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:46,680 Give me. . . 217 00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:50,510 You're not. . . 218 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,140 Give me a. . . 219 00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,020 Goodbye. 220 00:12:57,020 --> 00:13:00,400 Oh, boy. Those kids. l haven't seen those kids in a while. 221 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:03,530 Tia's got to be nine. 222 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,700 Nine, maybe ten. Oh, boy. 223 00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:09,450 And the two new ones, they're. . . 224 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:15,710 Larry and. . . 225 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,040 Betsy. 226 00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:20,540 Betsy. . . 227 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:24,050 Jennifer. Jennifer. 228 00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,720 Larry and Jennifer. 229 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,300 Nice kids. 230 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,810 Honey, he's 40 years old. 231 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:36,390 He knows his way around. 232 00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:41,820 Look, why don't you go finish packing, and l'll watch out for Buck? 233 00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:05,710 What the hell? 234 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,090 Where is everybody? 235 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,680 Bob! 236 00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:20,350 Bob? 237 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,650 This isn't funny! Come on ! Wake up! 238 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,150 l'm freezing my ass off out here! 239 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,780 Oh, shit. 240 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,280 Come on, l'm getting mad, Bob. 241 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,950 Yo, Bobby! 242 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,700 Buck? Bob? 243 00:14:36,790 --> 00:14:39,620 Buck! Bob? 244 00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:40,960 Over here! 245 00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,170 (DOGS BARKlNG) 246 00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:53,140 You have any idea how many big white houses there are on this street? 247 00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:55,850 What? 248 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,060 Keep it down. 249 00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:00,310 What? What do you want me to do with my car? 250 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,060 MAN: For crying out loud ! 251 00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:04,520 Sorry, Mr. Hatfield ! 252 00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:05,900 lt's 2:00 a.m. ! 253 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,480 How you doing? 254 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,280 Hey, sorry l'm late. Oh, no, hey, come in. 255 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,030 What happened to the mustache? Thanks for coming. 256 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,740 Had to shave it off. How's Cindy? 257 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:15,910 Not well. Not well. 258 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:17,040 Her dad? Hard to say. 259 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,870 All those medical terms, huh? What is it, an infarction or something like that? 260 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,090 Hey, l stopped smoking cigarettes. 261 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,300 Oh, good. lsn't that something? 262 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,010 l'm on to cigars now. l'm onto a five-year plan. 263 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,600 l eliminated the cigarettes, then l go to cigars, then l go to pipes, 264 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,060 then to chewing tobacco, then l'm onto that nicotine gum. 265 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:44,900 Good. 266 00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:46,860 Yeah. 267 00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:50,320 Money. l'll leave you blank checks. 268 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,450 No, please. l've got lots of money. 269 00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:55,370 No! No, please. 270 00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:56,870 No. Look, l've got the money. 271 00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:58,790 Please, l'd like to do this, all right? 272 00:15:58,870 --> 00:15:59,910 So. . . No. 273 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,330 No, come on, will you? Please. . . Okay. 274 00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:03,330 l'll pay you back when we get home. 275 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,090 l won't have any problems cashing 276 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,670 a second-party out-of-state paycheck, will l? 277 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,340 The reason l'm saying is, l've been so busy lately, 278 00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:17,510 l haven't been able to do my banking. 279 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,100 l don't think there will be a problem. Don't worry about it. 280 00:16:19,180 --> 00:16:20,430 Let me just leave you the checks. 281 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,310 Well, only if it's comfortable for you. 282 00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,440 That'll be easier. 283 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,730 l guess, sure. 284 00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:28,610 Do you have a plunger here? While l'm thinking of these things. 285 00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,490 For the morning, you know? My plumbing is just so bad. 286 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,400 Of course, yours is good plumbing here, right? 287 00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,530 Yeah. l would imagine. . . Don't worry about it. 288 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,410 You know, everything will be fine. 289 00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:40,080 Just been bound up lately. lt's driving me crazy. 290 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,200 l've been eating a lot of cheese, for some reason. 291 00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:44,830 l don't know what it is, l've got a craving for the stuff. 292 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,330 Think maybe that's an allergy or something? 293 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:48,500 Yeah. 294 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,670 l don't know. l can't get enough cheese. 295 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,550 l feel like a big mouse. 296 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,390 l don't know. Ah, well. Ah, well. 297 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:57,930 Let's see. . . 298 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,560 Oh, Miles' birthday. 299 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,600 Forget that. We'll be back by that time. 300 00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:05,140 Okay, then. 301 00:17:05,270 --> 00:17:07,650 This should do. l probably won't use any of them. 302 00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:09,190 Just in case. 303 00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:12,070 Right. Great. Okay. 304 00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,620 Here we go. l know l've forgotten something. 305 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,290 Just put. . . What else? What else? 306 00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:25,750 Right up. There you go. All right? 307 00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,620 Okay. That looks nice. 308 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,040 Here. Give me your arm. There you go. 309 00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,420 This should only be a few days, 310 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:32,670 and l promise l'll call you tomorrow. 311 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,510 BOB: You got all the phone numbers, right? Yeah. 312 00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:35,840 Okay. Well, we're off. 313 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,380 All right, you take care of yourself. Thanks a lot, Buck. 314 00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:39,090 Okay. All right. We really appreciate it. 315 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:40,600 Thanks. Thanks. All right. 316 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:41,850 Thank you. 317 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,720 Say hi to your dad for me. You can do it. 318 00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:45,430 Drive safe, all right? Okay, now. 319 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,940 Okay. 320 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:57,700 (WHlSTLES) 321 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,880 Boy, that's for sure. 322 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,020 Unbreakable. 323 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,900 Shit. 324 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,450 lt's 7:02 in the A.M. , you're listening to W-l-don't-have -to-go-to-work-today, 325 00:18:43,530 --> 00:18:45,120 brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. 326 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,750 For the best in tires, see Chanice Kobolowski. 327 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,790 (UPBEAT SONG PLAYlNG) 328 00:18:58,090 --> 00:18:59,970 (SlNGlNG ALONG) 329 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,280 Tia! 330 00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,490 You remember me? 331 00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:31,250 Uncle Buck. 332 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,540 The Uncle Buck. 333 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:43,970 Coffee drinker, huh? 334 00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:00,900 Hungry? 335 00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:03,200 No. Oh, come on, sure you are. 336 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,120 Everybody loves breakfast. 337 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,990 You've got to have a good breakfast, start the day off right. 338 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:09,740 Mmm. 339 00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,920 So where are the other ones? 340 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,040 Other ones what? 341 00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:18,250 The other kids. 342 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:20,300 They have names. 343 00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,970 Miles and Maizy. 344 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,340 Are Miles and Maizy up yet? 345 00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:26,430 l woke them, thank you. 346 00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,060 There you go. Are you deaf? 347 00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:35,810 l said l wasn't hungry. That's one of my specialties. 348 00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,900 l'd rather starve, thank you. 349 00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:44,910 Does your mom know you drink coffee? 350 00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:47,990 l'm not doing it to impress you. 351 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,450 l appreciate that. 352 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:55,000 ls there any particular reason why you're giving me such a hard time? 353 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,170 Am l giving you a hard time? 354 00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:02,170 Well, l don't know. 355 00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:04,970 Hey! How you doing? 356 00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,470 Who are you? 357 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,390 l'm your Uncle Buck. 358 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:09,890 Do l have an uncle? 359 00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:11,430 Unfortunately. 360 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,020 Holy smokes. 361 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,140 He's cooking our garbage. 362 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:25,400 Hey, where's your sister. . . 363 00:21:25,490 --> 00:21:27,780 Her name is Maizy. . . Maizy. 364 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,660 . . .for the second time. 365 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,330 Sorry. 366 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:35,410 You must be hungry. 367 00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:37,830 Just for you. 368 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:40,210 Oh, my God. 369 00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:43,130 He put onions in the eggs. 370 00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:45,130 l'll gonna go check on Maizy. 371 00:21:45,420 --> 00:21:47,720 l'll fix you some cereal when l get back. 372 00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:05,690 Can l ask you something? 373 00:22:05,780 --> 00:22:06,900 What? 374 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,820 ls your sister always this pleasant? 375 00:22:09,910 --> 00:22:12,910 No. She's usually in a bad mood in the morning. 376 00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:16,750 Ow! 377 00:22:16,830 --> 00:22:18,370 Do you want knots in your hair? 378 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:20,170 Ow! Cut it out. 379 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,710 l want Mom to do it. 380 00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:23,130 Mom's not here. 381 00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:24,880 She is too. No, she's not. 382 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,720 She and Dad went to lndianapolis. 383 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,380 They did not. 384 00:22:28,470 --> 00:22:29,680 Okay, they didn't. 385 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:30,970 They did? 386 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:33,810 Yes. l'm taking care of you. 387 00:22:33,930 --> 00:22:35,680 But you can't drive? 388 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,770 Where do you live? The city. 389 00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:40,940 Do you have a house? Apartment. 390 00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:42,060 Own or rent? Rent. 391 00:22:42,150 --> 00:22:43,860 What do you do? Lots of things. 392 00:22:43,940 --> 00:22:45,360 Where's your office? l don't have one. 393 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,690 How come? l don't need one. 394 00:22:46,780 --> 00:22:48,070 Where's your wife? Don't have one. 395 00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:49,530 How come? lt's a long story. 396 00:22:49,610 --> 00:22:50,950 Do you have kids? No, l don't. 397 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:52,660 How come? lt's an even longer story. 398 00:22:52,740 --> 00:22:53,700 Are you my dad's brother? 399 00:22:53,780 --> 00:22:55,870 What's your record for consecutive questions asked? 400 00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:56,950 38. 401 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,370 l'm your dad's brother all right. 402 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,670 You have more hair on your nose than Dad. 403 00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:01,750 Nice of you to notice. 404 00:23:01,830 --> 00:23:02,960 l'm a kid. That's my job. 405 00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:39,950 That's my car. That isn't my car. 406 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:54,840 (SCREAMlNG) 407 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:02,810 Tying your shoe? 408 00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,070 What time do you want me to pick you up after school? 409 00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:13,450 Don't bother. l'll get a ride with friends. 410 00:24:13,530 --> 00:24:15,370 No. l've got my orders. What time? 411 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:20,910 Are you really this stupid? l said l would get a ride. l always get a ride. 412 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,920 l'll just call the school, find out what time, and l'll meet you right here. 413 00:24:24,670 --> 00:24:27,170 Go ahead. Call the school. l won't be here. 414 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,010 Stand me up today, and tomorrow 415 00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:35,220 l'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and walk you to your first class. 416 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:37,680 4:00, okay? 417 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,770 l'm stunned that l'm related to you. 418 00:24:42,020 --> 00:24:44,560 You get the pole out of your keister, we'll get along just fine. 419 00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:50,480 Did you ever have anyone embarrass you like this? 420 00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:00,700 No. 421 00:25:18,470 --> 00:25:19,470 You think she hates me? 422 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:20,850 With a passion. 423 00:25:20,930 --> 00:25:22,930 Really. You think it's the hat? 424 00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:24,600 No. No? 425 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:26,560 A lot of people hate this hat. 426 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:29,360 lt angers a lot of people, just the sight of it. 427 00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:32,780 l'll tell you a story about that on the way to school. 428 00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:40,740 Uh-huh. Yeah, right. Listen, Buck. For eight years, 429 00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:43,580 you have been making plans and breaking plans. 430 00:25:43,790 --> 00:25:45,710 What are you talking about, hon? 431 00:25:45,790 --> 00:25:49,750 Didn't we talk last night? Didn't we talk last night about this? 432 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,090 What did we talk about? 433 00:25:51,170 --> 00:25:52,800 Me playing the father. 434 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,510 l'm glad that you can do it for your brother. 435 00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,050 You sure as hell can't do it for me. 436 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,300 How could l do it for you, hon? 437 00:25:59,390 --> 00:26:01,970 We don't have kids. What are you talking about? 438 00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:05,850 Buck, l know you think the job is pointless, 439 00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:07,890 and in some way, l'm trying to manipulate you, 440 00:26:07,980 --> 00:26:09,980 and control you and ruin your life. 441 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,520 No. 442 00:26:12,650 --> 00:26:13,980 Look, l have to fill the position. 443 00:26:14,070 --> 00:26:15,400 lt's important to the company, 444 00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:17,070 it's important to me. l'm swamped down here. 445 00:26:17,150 --> 00:26:18,820 Now, unless you tell me different, 446 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,490 l'm offering the job to somebody else. 447 00:26:20,990 --> 00:26:23,280 Why don't you give me a week to think about it. 448 00:26:23,370 --> 00:26:25,830 You know, 'cause l don't know how long l'm gonna be here, hon. 449 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:30,710 And, you know, if during that week you see somebody in there 450 00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:34,170 that's gonna fill the bill, hire him, part-time basis or whatever. 451 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,760 And that way, you know, l'll make up my mind, 452 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,430 and you know, we'll see where we are at that point. 453 00:26:40,050 --> 00:26:41,890 Okay. Well, l have to go! 454 00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:44,010 Bye-bye, hon. 455 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,360 Eight. Eight more. Come on. 456 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,950 Work it. Get the circulation going. 457 00:27:00,030 --> 00:27:01,740 Come on. Step it up. 458 00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:04,410 Isn't peace wonderfuI? 459 00:27:04,490 --> 00:27:07,330 Mikhail Gorbachev, the most improbabIe 460 00:27:07,410 --> 00:27:09,460 eviI emperor in captivity, 461 00:27:09,790 --> 00:27:12,630 captivates Manhattan, wows the UN, 462 00:27:12,710 --> 00:27:16,170 by announcing a uniIateraI cut in the Soviet military, 463 00:27:16,710 --> 00:27:20,260 smiles and waves with erstwhile cold warriors 464 00:27:20,470 --> 00:27:22,050 RonaId Reagan... 465 00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:25,470 (WHlNES) 466 00:27:33,810 --> 00:27:36,820 The stock market has its best week since JuIy. 467 00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:39,150 Take that Karl Marx. 468 00:27:39,530 --> 00:27:41,070 (SNORlNG) 469 00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:12,310 Would you like to talk about a possible lunch trade? 470 00:29:01,820 --> 00:29:03,190 Cover your ears. 471 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,490 What? Just do it. 472 00:29:04,570 --> 00:29:05,740 (CAR BACKFlRES) 473 00:29:11,660 --> 00:29:14,960 Do you know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud? 474 00:29:23,470 --> 00:29:24,670 Call me. 475 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,260 You ever hear of a tune-up? 476 00:29:28,430 --> 00:29:29,640 (CHUCKLlNG) 477 00:29:29,810 --> 00:29:31,470 (LAUGHS MOCKlNGLY) 478 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,470 You ever hear of a ritual killing? 479 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,180 (CONTlNUES MOCKlNG) 480 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,600 l don't get it. 481 00:29:37,690 --> 00:29:40,150 You gnaw on her face in public like that again, and you'll be one. 482 00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:46,360 Hey! 483 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:54,120 Are you crazy? l can be. 484 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,790 You could have taken his head off! 485 00:29:55,870 --> 00:29:57,460 Yeah, but would he notice? 486 00:29:57,540 --> 00:29:59,460 Can we get something straight? 487 00:29:59,540 --> 00:30:01,920 The guy's a predator, and you're his prey. 488 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,960 Oh, really. You bet. 489 00:30:04,050 --> 00:30:05,050 And how do you know? 490 00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:08,050 When l was his age, l was the guy zooming the girls like you. 491 00:30:09,220 --> 00:30:11,470 Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder. 492 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,020 l recommend that you stay out of my personal life. 493 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,480 Do your parents stay out of your personal life? 494 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,900 They don't know my personal life. 495 00:30:21,610 --> 00:30:22,730 Have they met twiddle dink? 496 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:25,990 His name is Bug. (SCOFFS) 497 00:30:27,650 --> 00:30:29,160 First or last? 498 00:30:29,570 --> 00:30:32,240 First. What's his last name, Spray? 499 00:30:35,910 --> 00:30:38,620 You should talk, Buck. 500 00:30:56,850 --> 00:30:58,060 No. 501 00:30:58,140 --> 00:30:59,270 No. N-O. 502 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,150 Don't look at me like that. 503 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,480 Don't. 504 00:31:05,570 --> 00:31:06,860 That's not fair. 505 00:31:12,910 --> 00:31:15,200 Don't you have a favorite doll or something? 506 00:31:16,830 --> 00:31:18,040 Why don't we get one of your dolls 507 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,500 and put your dad's pajamas on him? 508 00:31:19,580 --> 00:31:20,620 No. 509 00:31:27,460 --> 00:31:29,800 Your brother! What about your brother? 510 00:31:31,220 --> 00:31:33,640 How about the dog? You know the dog. 511 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,140 You can't. You just can't. 512 00:31:43,150 --> 00:31:46,980 lt's a new law. That's it. lt's in the books. 513 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,820 You don't want to sleep with me. 514 00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:52,280 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 515 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,120 Can somebody get that, please? 516 00:31:56,910 --> 00:31:59,160 Do l have to do everything around here? 517 00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:05,540 MlLES: Yo. 518 00:32:05,630 --> 00:32:07,670 ClNDY: Hi, sweetie. How are you? 519 00:32:07,750 --> 00:32:09,800 Fine. l'm earning my keep. 520 00:32:09,970 --> 00:32:11,880 Uncle Buck's got me busting my hump. 521 00:32:12,220 --> 00:32:14,720 He says a little hard work will put hair on my chest. 522 00:32:15,220 --> 00:32:16,220 At least l'm learning a trade. 523 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:17,930 That's good. 524 00:32:18,890 --> 00:32:20,350 Grandpa's feeling a little bit better. 525 00:32:21,020 --> 00:32:23,890 And he sent you big hugs and kisses. 526 00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:25,270 Tell him to hang in there. 527 00:32:26,770 --> 00:32:28,320 Can you get Uncle Buck? 528 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,530 Will do, chickie. 529 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:32,360 Mom. 530 00:32:32,570 --> 00:32:33,700 Hi. 531 00:32:33,780 --> 00:32:37,030 Next time you take off, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house? 532 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,830 This guy's a joke. 533 00:32:39,910 --> 00:32:43,460 Well, why don't you just go your way and let him go his. 534 00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,710 While he systematically dismantles my life. 535 00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:50,090 Another drawback is l'm a big drooler. 536 00:32:50,300 --> 00:32:51,800 You could wake up in the middle of the night 537 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,420 thinking you were asleep in a swamp. 538 00:32:53,550 --> 00:32:54,880 Mom's on the phone. 539 00:32:54,970 --> 00:32:56,760 Oh, good. l'll be right there. 540 00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:59,390 The guy took off and left Miles and Maizy alone. 541 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,060 Plus. . .he drinks. 542 00:33:04,690 --> 00:33:06,270 Did you brush your teeth? 543 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,110 Yeah. You can feel my toothbrush. 544 00:33:08,190 --> 00:33:11,440 l have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. 545 00:33:11,940 --> 00:33:13,530 l could give him your toothbrush 546 00:33:13,610 --> 00:33:16,530 and he could run a test on it to see if you actually brushed your teeth 547 00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:19,580 or just ran your toothbrush under the faucet. 548 00:33:27,580 --> 00:33:31,500 lf that's true, we're gonna really have to start brushing our teeth. 549 00:33:33,090 --> 00:33:34,420 Hi. How are you? 550 00:33:34,590 --> 00:33:36,260 ClNDY: I'm okay. How's everything? 551 00:33:36,390 --> 00:33:37,760 Good. Good. 552 00:33:38,220 --> 00:33:39,470 You sure? 553 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,220 Everything is fine here. Everything is fine. 554 00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:43,890 Kids are okay? 555 00:33:43,980 --> 00:33:46,850 Kids are great! We're having a great time together. 556 00:33:46,940 --> 00:33:48,400 How's your dad? 557 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,900 He's okay. He's okay. He's getting better. Thanks. 558 00:33:51,190 --> 00:33:53,360 Good. Well, that's good news. That's encouraging. 559 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,360 I've got a reaI good feeIing about this. He's gonna be fine. 560 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,860 l've got a few questions for you. 561 00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:01,370 You know, you got an interesting set of pIates in the Iiving room there. 562 00:34:01,450 --> 00:34:02,450 Are they oId? 563 00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:03,540 Yeah. 564 00:34:03,620 --> 00:34:04,620 They are. 565 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,040 Where would you find something like that? 566 00:34:08,130 --> 00:34:10,460 ln an antique shop downtown or something? 567 00:34:12,590 --> 00:34:13,630 ln England. 568 00:34:14,090 --> 00:34:15,300 (WHlSTLES) Everything eIse seems... 569 00:34:21,180 --> 00:34:23,310 How many times a day do you feed a dog like that? 570 00:34:24,060 --> 00:34:27,730 How many times a day do you think he eats? 571 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,520 Four or five. 572 00:34:30,230 --> 00:34:32,480 l should have told you that he eats once. He eats once a day. 573 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,610 Just once. 574 00:34:36,070 --> 00:34:38,570 What does he like to drink? Water? 575 00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:40,660 Yes. He drinks water. 576 00:34:40,740 --> 00:34:42,240 l'd keep some water out. 577 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:44,290 l've been leaving the toilet seats up. 578 00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:46,330 Yeah. 579 00:34:47,410 --> 00:34:49,290 ls that what the blue water is? lt's not good for him. 580 00:34:49,580 --> 00:34:51,330 (GROANS) Oh, God. 581 00:34:51,630 --> 00:34:53,500 That might account for something. 582 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,210 Nothing. 583 00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:59,510 Just an odd coloration out on the grass. 584 00:35:00,470 --> 00:35:01,840 Buck, um. . . 585 00:35:03,970 --> 00:35:07,810 l just want you to know it makes me feel very secure to know that you're there. 586 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:12,520 (CRYlNG) Thank you very much. 587 00:35:12,810 --> 00:35:14,190 Okay. Bye-bye. 588 00:35:21,450 --> 00:35:24,410 Bob! 589 00:36:48,410 --> 00:36:49,410 (SlGHS) 590 00:36:57,710 --> 00:36:59,040 Cindy. 591 00:37:09,010 --> 00:37:10,470 Come on. Open up. 592 00:37:12,850 --> 00:37:14,020 Hello. 593 00:37:22,530 --> 00:37:23,990 BUCK: l'm getting mad. 594 00:37:24,070 --> 00:37:25,280 All right. 595 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:27,410 Get ready. Here l come. 596 00:37:27,490 --> 00:37:28,780 Come on. 597 00:37:28,870 --> 00:37:30,370 What? Do l have to talk dirty to you? 598 00:37:30,450 --> 00:37:31,830 Come on, open up for daddy. 599 00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:36,500 There we go. Come on. Nice and easy. 600 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,420 Come on, there we go. Ah ! Take that! 601 00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:42,630 Take that! Come on ! You don't want the crowbar, do you? 602 00:37:42,710 --> 00:37:43,710 Come on ! 603 00:37:45,010 --> 00:37:46,430 Open up! 604 00:37:46,510 --> 00:37:47,640 Come on ! 605 00:37:48,470 --> 00:37:50,550 l'm going to shove my load into you whether you like it or not. 606 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:51,640 Come on ! (GROANS) 607 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,310 Come on, you son of a bitch. 608 00:37:54,770 --> 00:37:55,770 Open up. 609 00:37:58,810 --> 00:37:59,900 Okay. (SlGHS) 610 00:38:09,870 --> 00:38:10,910 (SCREAMlNG) 611 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:17,120 Freeze! What? 612 00:38:17,210 --> 00:38:18,790 Who are you? Cindy! 613 00:38:19,290 --> 00:38:20,500 She's in lndianapolis. 614 00:38:20,590 --> 00:38:22,210 What's she doing in lndianapolis? 615 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,090 Her father had a heart attack. 616 00:38:24,510 --> 00:38:27,470 Who are you? And how do you know her father had a heart attack? 617 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,130 l'm her brother-in-law. 618 00:38:29,220 --> 00:38:31,430 Oh, yeah ! Who you talking dirty to? 619 00:38:34,470 --> 00:38:35,930 The washing machine. 620 00:38:36,390 --> 00:38:37,810 l. . . l don't know how to work it, 621 00:38:37,890 --> 00:38:39,650 so l was kicking it and swearing at it, 622 00:38:39,730 --> 00:38:42,360 you know, which is not an uncommon thing to do. 623 00:38:43,020 --> 00:38:44,320 And you thought that. . . 624 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,940 (CHUCKLlNG) Oh, jeez. . . 625 00:38:46,030 --> 00:38:47,320 l apologize. 626 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:48,490 Okay. 627 00:38:50,570 --> 00:38:52,240 Boy! That's funny. 628 00:38:54,660 --> 00:38:56,660 l live across the street. 629 00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,040 My name is Marcie. 630 00:38:58,500 --> 00:38:59,500 Buck Russell. 631 00:39:00,580 --> 00:39:02,040 Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. 632 00:39:02,420 --> 00:39:03,840 Dahlgren is my maiden name. 633 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:04,960 Frost is my married name. 634 00:39:05,050 --> 00:39:08,050 l'm single again, but l never bothered to lose the Frost. 635 00:39:09,380 --> 00:39:11,340 And l get compliments on the hyphen. 636 00:39:11,430 --> 00:39:13,350 Sure you would. Sure you would. Yeah. 637 00:39:14,970 --> 00:39:17,600 Well, l came to invite Cindy to lunch. 638 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,890 But since she's not here, do you have plans? 639 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,690 Actually, l got a lot of things to do around here. 640 00:39:23,770 --> 00:39:25,150 Rain check? 641 00:39:26,190 --> 00:39:28,190 l'll only be here a couple days. 642 00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:30,530 Cindy said it would only be a couple days? 643 00:39:30,610 --> 00:39:32,870 Well, she didn't specify. l just assumed, you know. 644 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,040 My father's heart attack, l was out of town for three weeks. 645 00:39:36,490 --> 00:39:38,160 No wonder Cindy didn't call me. 646 00:39:38,620 --> 00:39:41,370 You need a relative for an imposition this size. 647 00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:53,510 Waiting for your sex? 648 00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:55,600 Shut up. 649 00:39:55,930 --> 00:40:00,230 Tia. 650 00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:04,980 What did you blow all that make-up for? We're just going bowling. 651 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,150 l'm not going bowling. 652 00:40:07,230 --> 00:40:08,230 Come on, it's a great sport. 653 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,740 And it's virtually impossible to get pregnant while doing it. 654 00:40:11,150 --> 00:40:12,150 lf you catch my drift. 655 00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:14,570 You're disgusting. 656 00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:17,490 l'll die before l go anywhere with you. 657 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,200 lt's gonna be fun. 658 00:40:19,290 --> 00:40:20,500 They have rent-a-shoes. 659 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,620 And rent-a-foot-disease. 660 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,790 We've done the battle of the wills. 661 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:26,790 The deck's stacked in my favor. 662 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,000 You're just gonna lose again. 663 00:40:29,130 --> 00:40:30,340 Try me. 664 00:40:31,260 --> 00:40:32,930 How'd you like to spend the next several nights 665 00:40:33,010 --> 00:40:35,970 wondering if your crazy out-of-work bum uncle 666 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,850 will shave your head while you sleep? 667 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:40,970 See you in the car. 668 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:43,100 (EERlE MUSlC PLAYlNG) 669 00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:44,190 (MlMlCS SHAVER BUZZlNG) 670 00:41:13,010 --> 00:41:14,300 Yeah ! 671 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,970 There you go. 672 00:41:22,060 --> 00:41:23,890 Now, this is a bowling ball. 673 00:41:58,090 --> 00:41:59,180 How you doing? 674 00:41:59,260 --> 00:42:01,050 l've never seen you here before. 675 00:42:01,430 --> 00:42:02,930 l know about everybody. 676 00:42:03,270 --> 00:42:05,230 That's why they call me Pal. 677 00:42:06,770 --> 00:42:08,310 Buy you a beer? 678 00:42:09,270 --> 00:42:11,150 You must be a college student, right? 679 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,150 Cheerleader, probably. 680 00:42:15,530 --> 00:42:16,950 You look firm. 681 00:42:17,780 --> 00:42:19,410 Come on. Give it a push. 682 00:42:20,870 --> 00:42:23,120 You like all-terrain vehicles? 683 00:42:24,290 --> 00:42:29,330 l got a brand-new Bronco right out in the parking lot. Red. 684 00:42:30,290 --> 00:42:31,790 Want to go for a ride? 685 00:42:35,590 --> 00:42:37,590 Maizy, if the object of the game were 686 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,760 to get the ball as close to the pins without knocking any over, 687 00:42:41,260 --> 00:42:43,680 you would be champion of the world. 688 00:42:43,810 --> 00:42:45,310 Really? Really. 689 00:42:52,650 --> 00:42:54,690 My throat sort of hurts. 690 00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:55,780 l can't talk. 691 00:42:56,610 --> 00:42:58,030 l got a cure for that. 692 00:43:04,290 --> 00:43:05,410 Buck. 693 00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:07,450 You got a game somewhere, Pal? 694 00:43:07,540 --> 00:43:08,580 Yeah. 695 00:43:08,670 --> 00:43:10,420 You won't get any strikes sitting there, are you? 696 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:11,710 Move it! Go on, get out! 697 00:43:15,380 --> 00:43:17,920 Hey, shithead ! Where the hell you been, huh? 698 00:43:18,010 --> 00:43:20,180 (BOTH VOCALlZlNG) 699 00:43:20,510 --> 00:43:22,260 BOTH: Hey! Hey! Hey! 700 00:43:23,510 --> 00:43:25,510 Come on, sit down. l want you to meet my niece. 701 00:43:26,020 --> 00:43:27,980 Tia, this is Rog. Rog, Tia. 702 00:43:28,140 --> 00:43:29,560 Hi. How are you? 703 00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:31,650 E. Roger Coswell. 704 00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:34,400 Come on. lt ain't gonna bite. 705 00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:40,400 Okay. You've got to let somebody know where you are. 706 00:43:40,490 --> 00:43:42,660 l've been checking car trunks for your corpse. 707 00:43:42,740 --> 00:43:43,780 Yeah, l'm sorry about that. 708 00:43:43,870 --> 00:43:46,540 l've been out in the suburbs looking after my brother's kids for a few days. 709 00:43:47,910 --> 00:43:49,120 They're cute! Oh, l tell you. 710 00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:52,040 Art Linkletter was right, kids do say the god damnedest things. 711 00:43:52,330 --> 00:43:53,920 ls Chanice here? 712 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,750 No. l'm kinda flying solo tonight. 713 00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:58,710 l want to let her have it for not marrying you. 714 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,680 You know, if she caged you and married your worthless butt, 715 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,510 l'd be able to find you. 716 00:44:03,590 --> 00:44:05,220 l got to talk business. l can't find you. 717 00:44:05,930 --> 00:44:08,890 Why don't we step in my office, then? 718 00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,980 Excuse us, will you. Come on. 719 00:44:11,730 --> 00:44:12,890 lt was nice meeting you. 720 00:44:13,020 --> 00:44:14,860 l'll remember it always. 721 00:44:19,070 --> 00:44:20,320 Cute kid. 722 00:44:21,030 --> 00:44:22,860 Jimmy Bean called. 723 00:44:23,610 --> 00:44:24,660 Oh, yeah? 724 00:44:24,740 --> 00:44:26,280 He's coming in for the Winter Million 725 00:44:26,370 --> 00:44:28,080 at Burlington Park on Friday. 726 00:44:28,410 --> 00:44:31,080 He says it's a boat race. Very easy money. 727 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:32,660 He owes you and he owes me. 728 00:44:32,750 --> 00:44:35,210 So he says we should show up an hour before post time 729 00:44:35,290 --> 00:44:36,710 and he'll give us the tip. 730 00:44:37,090 --> 00:44:40,550 Consider this, Buck, with this score, your whole year's covered. 731 00:44:42,510 --> 00:44:43,510 Huh? 732 00:44:46,260 --> 00:44:47,760 Maybe l can make it work. 733 00:44:48,930 --> 00:44:50,600 l'll see you Friday night. 734 00:44:51,430 --> 00:44:52,430 Thanks, Rog. 735 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,600 Watch the sterno, will you? 736 00:45:00,110 --> 00:45:01,990 Hey, watch your fingers. 737 00:45:02,780 --> 00:45:03,860 Yay! 738 00:45:05,780 --> 00:45:07,030 What's a Chanice? 739 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,740 That's someone who's sometimes seen around a Buck. 740 00:45:10,830 --> 00:45:12,540 Your girlfriend? 741 00:45:12,620 --> 00:45:15,620 A friend, and, yes, she is a girl. 742 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,960 Are you supposed to marry her or something? 743 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:21,420 The subject has come up, yes, but nothing serious. 744 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,550 Maybe if you got married, you'd stop being such an asshole. 745 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,810 Cigar? 746 00:45:32,180 --> 00:45:33,310 No, thanks. 747 00:45:33,390 --> 00:45:35,350 Let me know if you change your mind. 748 00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:36,440 l will. 749 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,190 l'll get it nice and juicy for you. 750 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,410 This is where you separate the men from the boys. 751 00:45:55,620 --> 00:45:59,250 Easy. Easy. There you go. Yeah. 752 00:45:59,340 --> 00:46:01,000 l got you now. 753 00:46:12,850 --> 00:46:14,810 Happy birthday! 754 00:46:14,890 --> 00:46:15,890 Whoo! 755 00:46:17,690 --> 00:46:19,400 l hope you're hungry. 756 00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:21,940 You should see the toast! 757 00:46:22,020 --> 00:46:23,650 l couldn't even get it through the door. 758 00:46:31,830 --> 00:46:34,370 Ah, announcement here. 759 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:37,040 There's going to be a little delay on the clown. 760 00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:38,500 What clown? 761 00:46:38,710 --> 00:46:40,420 Miles' mom hired a clown. 762 00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,500 (EXCLAlMS) 763 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,630 (BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) 764 00:46:49,550 --> 00:46:50,550 (GROANS) 765 00:46:51,550 --> 00:46:52,550 (BELCHES) 766 00:46:56,770 --> 00:46:58,190 What's the matter? You don't like clowns? 767 00:46:58,690 --> 00:47:00,440 (DOORBELL RlNGlNG) Yeah. About five years ago. 768 00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,020 Clowns are so boring, they make me puke. 769 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,070 (MUMBLlNG) 770 00:47:07,610 --> 00:47:09,530 Screw them. That's all they get. 771 00:47:10,570 --> 00:47:11,620 (LAUGHlNG) 772 00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:13,370 l'm Pooter-The-Clown. 773 00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:14,870 Put it there. 774 00:47:16,370 --> 00:47:17,370 (HONKS) 775 00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:19,080 The kids will love that. 776 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,080 l didn't order you. My sister-in-law did. 777 00:47:21,170 --> 00:47:23,750 She's not here right now. l'm looking after them. l'm the uncle. 778 00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:24,960 l'm Buck Russell. 779 00:47:25,050 --> 00:47:27,340 Great, listen, l'm sorry l'm late. 780 00:47:27,420 --> 00:47:30,680 l was at this all-night bachelorette party. 781 00:47:31,010 --> 00:47:32,340 Need any dildo jokes? 782 00:47:32,430 --> 00:47:34,100 Wham ! l'm the guy! 783 00:47:38,890 --> 00:47:40,640 What did you have? A few drinks this morning? 784 00:47:41,270 --> 00:47:43,480 Huh? l think you did, didn't you? 785 00:47:44,150 --> 00:47:45,690 Who are you? Mother Cabrini? 786 00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:47,320 You never touch the stuff? 787 00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:48,650 No, no, no, 788 00:47:48,740 --> 00:47:51,570 but l wouldn't be drinking if l was going to entertain some kids. 789 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,870 l don't have to take any shit from you. 790 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,530 You know who l am? 791 00:47:55,620 --> 00:47:59,000 ln the field of local live home entertainment, 792 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,410 l'm a God ! 793 00:48:01,460 --> 00:48:03,830 Get in your mouse and get out of here. 794 00:48:04,460 --> 00:48:06,800 Hey, you, let me tell you something, 795 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:11,510 you low-life, lying, four-flushing sack of shit. 796 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:16,760 (GROWLS) 797 00:48:34,820 --> 00:48:36,950 Let's go out to the car, huh? 798 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:40,250 Why? 799 00:48:41,620 --> 00:48:43,670 What do you mean, why? 800 00:48:49,510 --> 00:48:50,760 Not now. 801 00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:52,840 lt's fine. 802 00:48:55,180 --> 00:48:57,010 lt's not fine. 803 00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:58,970 Why not? 804 00:49:00,810 --> 00:49:02,640 l just don't feel right yet. 805 00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,230 You ever going to feel right? 806 00:49:12,490 --> 00:49:13,990 l don't get where we're going. 807 00:49:14,070 --> 00:49:17,070 l told you 25 times. We're going to pick up Tia. 808 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:19,080 She's at a cheerleader's house having dinner. 809 00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:20,450 Well, so she says. 810 00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,370 Since when do cheerleaders live in the woods? 811 00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,130 Come on. l'll take you home now. 812 00:49:32,090 --> 00:49:34,050 l don't want to go home. 813 00:49:38,260 --> 00:49:39,550 l'm okay. 814 00:49:40,220 --> 00:49:41,470 Sure? 815 00:49:45,850 --> 00:49:47,230 Trust me. 816 00:49:56,530 --> 00:49:57,610 (CAR BACKFlRES) 817 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,580 Shit! Shit! 818 00:50:17,930 --> 00:50:19,550 Well, well, well. 819 00:50:19,970 --> 00:50:23,680 They certainly are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days. 820 00:50:24,980 --> 00:50:26,980 What are you doing here? 821 00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,600 We were just driving by, going out for some ice cream. 822 00:50:29,690 --> 00:50:31,190 Thought you might like to join us. 823 00:50:31,900 --> 00:50:35,190 l said l would be home at 1 0:00. lt's not even 9:00. 824 00:50:38,570 --> 00:50:42,080 Who said anything about that? l just thought you'd like to join us for some ice cream. 825 00:50:42,910 --> 00:50:44,790 Maybe your Bug here can join us. 826 00:50:44,950 --> 00:50:47,000 We can talk about burying the hatchet. 827 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:48,960 You know what a hatchet is, don't you, Bug? 828 00:50:49,250 --> 00:50:50,630 lt's an ax? 829 00:50:50,790 --> 00:50:52,290 Sort of. Yeah. Yeah. 830 00:50:53,130 --> 00:50:55,000 l got one in the car if you'd like to see it. 831 00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:57,970 l'll pass. 832 00:50:58,090 --> 00:51:00,930 Fair enough. l like to carry it. 833 00:51:01,140 --> 00:51:03,050 You never know when you're gonna need it. 834 00:51:04,060 --> 00:51:07,020 A situation may come up, say, 835 00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:11,810 for example, someone's been drinking and about to drive a loved one home, 836 00:51:12,730 --> 00:51:14,320 then l like to know l have it. 837 00:51:14,690 --> 00:51:17,780 Not to kill. (CHUCKLES) Just to maim. 838 00:51:18,740 --> 00:51:21,320 Take a little off the shoulder. Woosh ! 839 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:23,490 The elbow. 840 00:51:23,660 --> 00:51:26,490 Shave a little meat off the old kneecap. 841 00:51:26,700 --> 00:51:27,700 Whoo. 842 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,660 You got both kneecaps? 843 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:32,920 l like to keep mine razor-sharp, too. 844 00:51:33,130 --> 00:51:35,210 Sharp enough you can shave with them. 845 00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:37,840 Why, l've been known to circumcise a gnat. 846 00:51:39,340 --> 00:51:41,470 You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? 847 00:51:41,550 --> 00:51:45,100 Wait a minute. Bug, gnat. 848 00:51:47,020 --> 00:51:49,180 ls there a little similarity there? 849 00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:53,900 Whoa! l think there is. 850 00:51:56,190 --> 00:51:58,780 You understand what l'm talking about? 851 00:51:59,860 --> 00:52:01,650 l don't think you do. 852 00:52:01,740 --> 00:52:03,490 l'll be right back. 853 00:52:11,790 --> 00:52:13,120 l'm sorry. 854 00:52:13,210 --> 00:52:15,170 Look, um, l think you'd better split. 855 00:52:15,250 --> 00:52:17,920 You know, l don't exactly want him going berserk with an ax on me. 856 00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,170 He's all talk. 857 00:52:20,260 --> 00:52:21,630 Here it is. 858 00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:25,850 Come on over. Come on, l wanna show it to you. 859 00:52:27,890 --> 00:52:29,310 Maybe later. 860 00:52:30,060 --> 00:52:31,140 Okay. 861 00:52:37,780 --> 00:52:40,240 He's gone in a few days. 862 00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:41,740 Just relax. 863 00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:45,070 l'll get him back. 864 00:53:00,460 --> 00:53:03,170 That's a pretty stupid thing to do during flu season. 865 00:53:03,260 --> 00:53:05,300 l bet she's getting the tongue. 866 00:54:08,620 --> 00:54:09,660 BUCK: Just looking. 867 00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:30,740 Next. 868 00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:34,330 Tell you what. Let me go in there first, okay? 869 00:55:34,410 --> 00:55:37,250 l'll cover for you, give you a little more time out here to relax. 870 00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:39,080 Okay. Mmm. All right? 871 00:55:47,420 --> 00:55:48,800 Good morning. 872 00:55:56,430 --> 00:55:58,180 l'm Anita Hoargarth. 873 00:55:58,890 --> 00:56:01,980 Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. 874 00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:09,440 Not her wart, not her wart. l'm the wart. 875 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:13,780 She's my tumor, my growth, my. . .my pimple. 876 00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:15,200 l'm "Uncle Wart." 877 00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,080 Buck "Wart" Russell, that's what they call me. 878 00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,870 Or melanoma head. They'll call me that. 879 00:56:21,790 --> 00:56:23,790 "Melanoma head's" coming. 880 00:56:24,540 --> 00:56:27,210 l'm. . . Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. 881 00:56:27,300 --> 00:56:28,840 Her uncle. 882 00:56:29,630 --> 00:56:32,510 Her mother set up this conference with you. 883 00:56:33,300 --> 00:56:35,390 l'm assistant principal here, 884 00:56:35,470 --> 00:56:38,850 as you've probably noticed from the indications on the door. 885 00:56:42,810 --> 00:56:44,020 This door? 886 00:56:44,100 --> 00:56:45,770 The outer door. Yes. The outer door. 887 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,230 There's nothing on this one. 888 00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:50,230 That's just about enough of that. 889 00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:53,490 Sorry. 890 00:56:54,660 --> 00:56:59,740 l've been an educator for 31 .3 years, 891 00:56:59,830 --> 00:57:03,620 and in that time, l've seen a lot of bad eggs. 892 00:57:03,750 --> 00:57:07,170 l say "eggs" because at the elementary level, 893 00:57:07,250 --> 00:57:10,340 we are not dealing with fully developed individuals. 894 00:57:14,010 --> 00:57:18,140 l see a bad egg when l look at your niece. 895 00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:24,060 She is a twiddler, a dreamer, a silly heart. 896 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,400 She is a jabberbox. 897 00:57:26,690 --> 00:57:28,190 And frankly. . . 898 00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:35,200 l don't think she takes a thing in her life or her career as a student seriously. 899 00:57:38,450 --> 00:57:39,740 She's only six. 900 00:57:39,830 --> 00:57:41,660 That is not a valid excuse! 901 00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:44,250 l hear that every day and l dismiss it. 902 00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:46,750 l don't think l want to know a six-year-old 903 00:57:46,830 --> 00:57:48,880 who isn't a dreamer, or a silly heart. 904 00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,130 And l sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. 905 00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:55,550 l don't have a college degree 906 00:57:56,050 --> 00:57:57,550 l don't even have a job. 907 00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:02,680 Does anyone have a special story about something that happened this week? 908 00:58:03,890 --> 00:58:04,890 Maizy. 909 00:58:05,350 --> 00:58:07,100 My uncle was microwaving my socks, 910 00:58:07,190 --> 00:58:09,900 and the dog threw up on the couch for about an hour. 911 00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:11,900 Honest? Yes. 912 00:58:12,230 --> 00:58:14,240 Why was your uncle microwaving your socks? 913 00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,820 He can't get the goddamn washing machine to work. 914 00:58:17,110 --> 00:58:18,490 Blasphemer! 915 00:58:19,410 --> 00:58:21,530 BUCK: l know a good kid when l see one. 916 00:58:21,620 --> 00:58:23,410 Because they're all good kids 917 00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:26,790 until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you 918 00:58:26,870 --> 00:58:29,040 drag them down and convince them they're no good. 919 00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:32,960 You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school 920 00:58:33,050 --> 00:58:34,210 and l hear about it, 921 00:58:34,300 --> 00:58:35,800 l'm coming looking for you. 922 00:58:38,930 --> 00:58:40,600 Take this quarter. 923 00:58:41,350 --> 00:58:45,020 Go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. 924 00:58:45,100 --> 00:58:46,100 (GASPS) 925 00:58:46,850 --> 00:58:48,230 Good day to you, madam. 926 00:58:56,070 --> 00:58:57,110 Next. 927 00:58:57,860 --> 00:58:59,240 Ah, yeah ! 928 00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:22,470 TERRY: Hi, Chanice. This is Terry. 929 00:59:23,260 --> 00:59:24,890 Walt Bern... 930 00:59:25,390 --> 00:59:29,350 Jesus, would you get with the program. Bernstein is his name. 931 00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,150 I forgot to give you the message. 932 00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:34,980 At least somebody knows what they're doing down there. 933 00:59:35,570 --> 00:59:37,070 BUCK: Chanice? Buck. 934 00:59:39,150 --> 00:59:41,030 I hate these machines. 935 00:59:41,620 --> 00:59:44,830 Look, I'm just caIIing to say I miss you. 936 00:59:46,330 --> 00:59:49,210 I know you probabIy don't believe it, but it's true. 937 00:59:49,290 --> 00:59:50,830 No, I haven't been drinking. 938 00:59:51,330 --> 00:59:52,670 I've been thinking a Iot about you 939 00:59:52,750 --> 00:59:55,340 and what we've talked about the past few weeks. 940 00:59:55,420 --> 00:59:57,420 I think about you all the time. 941 00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,880 I think about those two dimpIes on your buns. 942 01:00:01,090 --> 01:00:02,390 Dimples. 943 01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:04,600 What did we call them? 944 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:08,850 The one on the right was Lyndon, and the left was Johnson. 945 01:00:08,930 --> 01:00:10,770 No, that was your boobs we did. 946 01:00:10,850 --> 01:00:12,310 No, your boobs were Minnie and Mickey. 947 01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:14,020 I remember that because of Disney WorId. 948 01:00:14,940 --> 01:00:16,270 And Felix. Felix is what we caIIed your... 949 01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:17,360 (CAT SCREECHES) 950 01:00:18,530 --> 01:00:20,700 BUCK: God damn kids. 951 01:00:21,030 --> 01:00:22,450 Okay. Come on, you. 952 01:00:22,530 --> 01:00:23,610 Come on, get in the house. 953 01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:25,870 What are you doing out here, making all this noise? 954 01:00:26,620 --> 01:00:27,830 Get in the house where you belong. 955 01:00:27,910 --> 01:00:29,540 Come on ! Come on ! 956 01:00:30,290 --> 01:00:31,370 Hey! 957 01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:33,670 Who let the cat out? 958 01:00:33,750 --> 01:00:35,540 MlLES: We don't have a cat. 959 01:00:36,170 --> 01:00:37,920 Come on ! Get out! 960 01:00:38,090 --> 01:00:39,210 Go on ! Shoo! 961 01:00:46,350 --> 01:00:47,390 Hey! 962 01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,770 (MAlZY LAUGHlNG) 963 01:00:49,850 --> 01:00:51,060 Open up! 964 01:00:51,890 --> 01:00:53,060 Miles? 965 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,520 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 966 01:00:59,610 --> 01:01:00,610 Hello. 967 01:01:00,690 --> 01:01:02,650 Hi. May l please speak to Buck Russell? 968 01:01:02,740 --> 01:01:05,030 This is a friend of his Chanice Kobolowski. 969 01:01:07,490 --> 01:01:11,290 l'm sorry, Chanice. He's not here right now. 970 01:01:13,250 --> 01:01:15,210 Well, can you tell me when he's gonna be back? 971 01:01:15,290 --> 01:01:16,750 He went out with Marcie, 972 01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:18,920 the lady who lives across the street. 973 01:01:19,630 --> 01:01:21,510 They usually stay out pretty late. 974 01:01:26,550 --> 01:01:27,850 Do you want to leave a message? 975 01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:36,310 No. There's no message. 976 01:01:55,830 --> 01:01:57,580 There's no message. 977 01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:24,360 Hot! 978 01:02:38,290 --> 01:02:41,090 MARClE: ls there a big, sexy guy in here? 979 01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:43,420 Oh, please don't let it be true. 980 01:02:45,130 --> 01:02:46,170 Hi. 981 01:02:46,260 --> 01:02:49,300 Oh, my God ! What are you doing? 982 01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:51,600 The laundry. What's it look like? 983 01:02:52,100 --> 01:02:53,640 The washing machine's still broken, 984 01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:55,470 so l thought l'd use the microwave. 985 01:02:55,810 --> 01:02:58,020 Nuke them up, you know. Heats them up pretty good, too. 986 01:02:58,850 --> 01:03:01,190 lt kills the germs and odors that they cause. 987 01:03:01,270 --> 01:03:02,980 You don't know what you're doing. 988 01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:04,320 You're bored out of your mind. 989 01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:06,400 You need a little adult supervision. 990 01:03:07,990 --> 01:03:09,030 Excuse me? 991 01:03:23,210 --> 01:03:24,170 (SOOTHlNG MUSlC PLAYlNG) 992 01:03:24,250 --> 01:03:25,250 Come on. 993 01:03:25,380 --> 01:03:27,720 Come on. l don't want to dance. Come on. 994 01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:31,010 l don't feel like. . . l'm not a dancer. This is ridiculous. 995 01:03:31,090 --> 01:03:33,100 l'm not gonna leave unless you do. 996 01:03:33,850 --> 01:03:35,760 Okay, l'll dance. One dance, though. That's it. 997 01:03:35,850 --> 01:03:38,640 'Cause l really have to take a nap and. . . 998 01:03:38,730 --> 01:03:41,270 All right. One dance. That's it. 999 01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:44,150 (DOORBELL RlNGlNG) 1000 01:03:47,110 --> 01:03:48,240 Whoa! 1001 01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:52,910 What's this? 1002 01:03:54,450 --> 01:03:56,450 Oh ! Come on ! The dog is watching. 1003 01:03:56,830 --> 01:03:58,080 Come on. 1004 01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,660 What's that? Dirty Dancing? Uh-huh. 1005 01:04:02,420 --> 01:04:03,920 You got the girl by the neck. 1006 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:05,420 Whoa. Dipped her. 1007 01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,130 Remember that? 1008 01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:08,880 Dips. Dips. 1009 01:04:18,730 --> 01:04:19,930 Am l bleeding? 1010 01:04:20,230 --> 01:04:21,440 No. 1011 01:04:22,350 --> 01:04:24,480 Will you get off? My back! 1012 01:04:30,740 --> 01:04:31,900 Hello. 1013 01:04:35,910 --> 01:04:36,950 Stop it. 1014 01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:38,370 l mean it. 1015 01:04:41,460 --> 01:04:43,330 This is fun though, isn't it? 1016 01:04:43,420 --> 01:04:44,750 l guess. 1017 01:04:45,670 --> 01:04:47,710 My aerobic workout today. 1018 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,300 Heart's beating like a rabbit here. 1019 01:04:52,630 --> 01:04:53,630 Oh. 1020 01:05:00,140 --> 01:05:01,270 Yeah. 1021 01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:14,110 Hi, Chanice. 1022 01:05:14,910 --> 01:05:16,160 Surprise! 1023 01:05:18,540 --> 01:05:19,700 This is, um. . . 1024 01:05:19,790 --> 01:05:21,000 Marcie. 1025 01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:27,500 Yeah. Marcie, and she lives across the road. 1026 01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,250 She came over to. . . 1027 01:05:29,340 --> 01:05:30,840 Shut up, Buck. 1028 01:05:31,130 --> 01:05:32,720 That's a good idea. 1029 01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:36,890 ls this who you were out with last night? 1030 01:05:40,430 --> 01:05:41,520 What? 1031 01:05:42,140 --> 01:05:43,810 l didn't go out last night. 1032 01:05:45,350 --> 01:05:48,440 Hey, look. Honest. Honest. Honest. l'm telling the truth. 1033 01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:49,940 You son of a bitch ! 1034 01:05:50,030 --> 01:05:54,190 Don't say that, okay. Chanice. Don't walk away. Chanice! 1035 01:05:54,820 --> 01:05:55,860 Chanice! 1036 01:05:55,950 --> 01:05:57,110 Hey, come here! 1037 01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,070 Chanice! Come here, hon. 1038 01:06:02,370 --> 01:06:04,160 Chanice, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Let me explain ! 1039 01:06:04,250 --> 01:06:05,250 Will you let me explain? 1040 01:06:07,540 --> 01:06:09,210 You're wrecking the driveway! 1041 01:06:09,710 --> 01:06:11,090 Chanice! 1042 01:06:12,130 --> 01:06:13,380 Come on ! 1043 01:06:15,050 --> 01:06:16,430 l love you. 1044 01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:35,570 What flew up her nose? 1045 01:06:42,410 --> 01:06:45,750 You better go home, okay, Marcie? 1046 01:06:46,370 --> 01:06:48,580 Pick up your records. The party's over. 1047 01:06:49,580 --> 01:06:50,670 Okay? 1048 01:06:58,890 --> 01:07:02,600 So, l'll just go home and wait for the Federal Express man. 1049 01:07:12,020 --> 01:07:13,940 Good night, Uncle Buck. 1050 01:07:14,940 --> 01:07:16,400 Good night, sweetheart. 1051 01:07:17,820 --> 01:07:19,200 Good night. 1052 01:07:26,790 --> 01:07:28,120 Uncle Buck? Yeah? 1053 01:07:29,290 --> 01:07:30,710 Got a minute? 1054 01:07:30,790 --> 01:07:31,830 l got lots of minutes. 1055 01:07:33,250 --> 01:07:35,670 Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, 1056 01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:36,960 l want to go out tomorrow night. 1057 01:07:37,170 --> 01:07:40,470 You can go crazy after l leave. Until then, l'm not letting you out. 1058 01:07:47,270 --> 01:07:50,310 You just can't find any way to be cool, can you? 1059 01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:51,690 You mean easy? No. 1060 01:07:51,810 --> 01:07:52,900 l mean decent. 1061 01:07:52,980 --> 01:07:54,150 You mean blind. 1062 01:07:54,650 --> 01:07:57,860 Who are you trying to score points with, my parents? 1063 01:07:58,610 --> 01:08:00,740 How many times have they had you here since we moved? 1064 01:08:01,490 --> 01:08:03,990 Try none until they went up shit creek and got stuck. 1065 01:08:04,450 --> 01:08:06,740 Get used on your parents' time. 1066 01:08:07,830 --> 01:08:09,040 Hey, Buck! 1067 01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:10,210 Yeah. 1068 01:08:11,580 --> 01:08:13,290 Have a bad day today? 1069 01:08:16,210 --> 01:08:19,170 lt hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it? 1070 01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:38,860 Last call. 1071 01:08:43,950 --> 01:08:45,780 There you go. There you go. 1072 01:08:49,040 --> 01:08:50,870 A little for you, a little for me. 1073 01:08:56,710 --> 01:09:02,220 Boy, people used to say to me, 1074 01:09:02,300 --> 01:09:05,640 "Boy, Buck, you are one lucky son of a bitch. 1075 01:09:07,850 --> 01:09:10,520 "You got it made, Buck. You got it made." 1076 01:09:10,600 --> 01:09:11,730 And l did. 1077 01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:14,770 They'd say, "Oh, man, Buck, look at you. 1078 01:09:14,850 --> 01:09:17,150 "You don't have any kids, you don't have any wife. 1079 01:09:17,230 --> 01:09:20,650 "You don't have a desk, you don't have an office. 1080 01:09:20,740 --> 01:09:23,900 "You don't have a boss to worry about." 1081 01:09:27,280 --> 01:09:28,910 They were right. 1082 01:09:29,240 --> 01:09:30,740 l had it made. 1083 01:09:36,250 --> 01:09:42,050 Only thing now is, Perce, nobody says that anymore. 1084 01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:49,260 Oh, boy. 1085 01:09:50,100 --> 01:09:51,270 But 1086 01:09:52,270 --> 01:09:54,100 it'll all be better tomorrow. 1087 01:09:56,860 --> 01:09:58,190 Always is. 1088 01:10:01,110 --> 01:10:02,990 Because tomorrow, 1089 01:10:03,110 --> 01:10:04,860 we go to the track, 1090 01:10:05,110 --> 01:10:08,950 win some dough, some serious dough. 1091 01:10:10,330 --> 01:10:11,450 Yeah. 1092 01:10:12,950 --> 01:10:14,960 Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo. 1093 01:10:16,290 --> 01:10:18,210 You want a little pretzel with your beer? 1094 01:10:24,380 --> 01:10:26,590 U. B. went to school to pick you up, you know. 1095 01:10:26,680 --> 01:10:29,640 Tell U. B. when he gets home that he lost, okay? 1096 01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:31,050 Lost what? 1097 01:10:31,470 --> 01:10:33,470 Just tell him. He'll know what it means. 1098 01:10:33,930 --> 01:10:35,390 l'll see you guys Sunday. 1099 01:10:35,480 --> 01:10:36,810 What day is today? 1100 01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:38,100 Friday. 1101 01:10:38,310 --> 01:10:39,560 You know what that means. 1102 01:10:39,650 --> 01:10:40,810 Jumbo party. 1103 01:10:41,020 --> 01:10:43,780 You can put that on a platter. 1104 01:11:41,380 --> 01:11:42,500 (CAR BACKFlRES) 1105 01:11:44,750 --> 01:11:46,130 U. B. is home. 1106 01:11:46,210 --> 01:11:48,130 BUCK: Tia! Tia! 1107 01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:50,470 You guys seen Tia? 1108 01:11:50,550 --> 01:11:51,840 She took a breeze, U. B. 1109 01:11:55,810 --> 01:11:59,140 And she promised me she was going to look after you guys this evening. 1110 01:11:59,230 --> 01:12:00,230 She promised me. 1111 01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:02,600 So much for promises. 1112 01:12:02,810 --> 01:12:05,270 Does anyone in this house know how to keep a promise? 1113 01:12:05,570 --> 01:12:07,990 l know you two guys do. l know. 1114 01:12:08,190 --> 01:12:11,030 l had somewhere important to go to tonight. 1115 01:12:11,570 --> 01:12:13,320 This is how l make my living. 1116 01:12:13,410 --> 01:12:15,280 This was very important to me. 1117 01:12:15,370 --> 01:12:17,450 This was. . . My whole year was based on tonight. 1118 01:12:18,160 --> 01:12:20,620 lt may be peanuts to your dad but it's my living. 1119 01:12:21,710 --> 01:12:24,750 l have no choice, l don't care what your parents are going to say. 1120 01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:26,750 l have to take you with me tonight. 1121 01:12:27,130 --> 01:12:28,300 Where? 1122 01:12:28,590 --> 01:12:30,090 To a racetrack. 1123 01:12:33,220 --> 01:12:34,430 BUCK: Here we go. 1124 01:12:34,510 --> 01:12:35,850 You have to go to the bathroom? 1125 01:12:35,930 --> 01:12:37,010 BOTH: Nope. You sure? 1126 01:12:37,310 --> 01:12:38,310 BOTH: Yep. 1127 01:12:38,390 --> 01:12:40,270 This is going to be fun, you know. 1128 01:12:40,350 --> 01:12:42,480 Beautiful horses, interesting people. 1129 01:12:43,100 --> 01:12:45,060 And win some serious coin, right? 1130 01:12:45,150 --> 01:12:47,980 Well, sometimes, yeah, but that's not the real reason people go there. 1131 01:12:48,530 --> 01:12:54,110 People go because of the beautiful horses and the colorful jockeys. 1132 01:12:56,120 --> 01:12:57,280 Bug picked up Tia? 1133 01:12:57,370 --> 01:12:58,450 Mmm-hmm. 1134 01:12:58,790 --> 01:13:00,790 And she said she was going to a party. 1135 01:13:01,290 --> 01:13:04,500 She said she'd be back Sunday. Must be a slumber party. 1136 01:13:07,130 --> 01:13:09,550 Hop in the back. Get your belts on. 1137 01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:13,130 Let her go to a party all weekend ! 1138 01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,340 She's old enough to know better. 1139 01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,890 Hell, she doesn't listen to anybody anyway. 1140 01:13:18,970 --> 01:13:20,310 Damn kids. 1141 01:14:02,060 --> 01:14:03,930 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 1142 01:14:04,020 --> 01:14:05,310 Yeah. Kobolowski Tires. 1143 01:14:06,480 --> 01:14:07,850 Hi. lt's me. 1144 01:14:08,900 --> 01:14:10,730 Buck, can't you ever take a hint? 1145 01:14:10,940 --> 01:14:14,360 Chanice, it's not about me. l got a problem at the house. 1146 01:14:14,740 --> 01:14:16,530 I need somebody to watch the kids. 1147 01:14:16,820 --> 01:14:18,570 No. l'll tell you what you need. 1148 01:14:18,660 --> 01:14:20,080 Your horse fixer's in town 1149 01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:21,540 and you need to get to the track. 1150 01:14:21,620 --> 01:14:23,660 l ran into Rog. See, he told me all about it. 1151 01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:26,710 The idiot had the nerve to ask me for a loan. 1152 01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:28,080 What's the matter? 1153 01:14:28,170 --> 01:14:31,170 You can't take children with you when you're gonna cheat on a horserace? 1154 01:14:31,250 --> 01:14:32,840 You got some religion out there in the 'burbs? 1155 01:14:33,010 --> 01:14:35,550 l came close. l had them in the car. 1156 01:14:36,380 --> 01:14:38,930 Can we put personal problems aside for a second? 1157 01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:41,300 Tia took off on me. 1158 01:14:41,390 --> 01:14:43,640 l was supposed to pick her up after school. She wasn't there. 1159 01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:44,890 What do you mean, she ran away? 1160 01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:47,940 l guess. l don't know. 1161 01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:52,150 She's 1 5, she's angry, she's confused, 1162 01:14:53,190 --> 01:14:55,070 and I need to find her. 1163 01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:57,900 Can you help me? 1164 01:14:58,990 --> 01:15:01,030 l'm really stuck, Chanice. 1165 01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:06,330 All right. All right. 1166 01:15:07,000 --> 01:15:09,460 l will help you because there's kids involved in this. 1167 01:15:09,580 --> 01:15:13,090 But as far as you and l are concerned, it is over. 1168 01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,010 However it has to be. 1169 01:15:18,260 --> 01:15:20,090 l'll be there. Thank you. 1170 01:15:20,890 --> 01:15:22,430 For what it's worth, l'm sorry. 1171 01:15:44,660 --> 01:15:46,490 Your car's on fire. Car's on fire. 1172 01:15:46,580 --> 01:15:48,710 No, no, no. lt's just a little oil. 1173 01:15:48,790 --> 01:15:51,670 l'm looking for a party somewhere around here. 1174 01:15:51,750 --> 01:15:53,540 Oh, that's on Totowa Lane. 1175 01:15:53,630 --> 01:15:55,090 My niece is there. 1176 01:15:55,170 --> 01:15:56,460 Our son's there. 1177 01:15:56,550 --> 01:15:58,050 Kids. 1178 01:15:58,130 --> 01:15:59,800 l don't think you ought to go in there with that hat on. 1179 01:15:59,880 --> 01:16:00,880 They'll kill you. 1180 01:16:00,970 --> 01:16:02,840 Really? Thanks for the tip. Yeah. 1181 01:16:40,470 --> 01:16:41,470 (GASPS) 1182 01:16:49,390 --> 01:16:53,100 l'm supposed to come over and watch you. 1183 01:16:56,520 --> 01:16:57,570 Hi ! 1184 01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:00,780 l'm Chanice Kobolowski. l'm Uncle Buck's friend. 1185 01:17:00,860 --> 01:17:02,570 May l see your driver's license, ma'am? 1186 01:17:03,950 --> 01:17:05,070 Yeah. 1187 01:17:05,740 --> 01:17:06,870 Sure. 1188 01:17:07,030 --> 01:17:08,370 Good idea. 1189 01:17:10,830 --> 01:17:12,330 Here! l got it! 1190 01:17:12,870 --> 01:17:14,710 See? Look. 1191 01:17:15,330 --> 01:17:16,420 Look! 1192 01:17:16,590 --> 01:17:18,340 Can you please take it out of there? 1193 01:17:18,630 --> 01:17:19,840 Take it out? 1194 01:17:43,110 --> 01:17:44,400 You okay? 1195 01:17:45,410 --> 01:17:47,240 Come on. What's the matter? 1196 01:18:10,430 --> 01:18:11,430 (ALL SCREAM) 1197 01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:15,190 Coming through here. How you doing? 1198 01:18:16,350 --> 01:18:17,650 Having a good time? 1199 01:18:17,730 --> 01:18:19,650 You seen a guy named Bug around here? 1200 01:18:21,570 --> 01:18:23,320 l'm Tia Russell's uncle. 1201 01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:24,530 You girls know Tia? 1202 01:18:24,610 --> 01:18:26,490 No? She's kind of new. 1203 01:18:26,570 --> 01:18:27,990 l'm her uncle. 1204 01:18:29,280 --> 01:18:31,580 You haven't seen that Bug around here, have you? 1205 01:18:31,830 --> 01:18:33,370 No. No. 1206 01:18:33,790 --> 01:18:35,040 Nice guy. 1207 01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:37,460 Hey! Hey! Come back here with that! 1208 01:18:43,630 --> 01:18:45,340 How you doing? 1209 01:18:45,420 --> 01:18:47,010 Anybody seen Bug around here? 1210 01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:50,050 Hey, nice music. 1211 01:18:51,180 --> 01:18:52,720 Who's that? The Grass Roots? 1212 01:18:53,140 --> 01:18:54,470 l'm kidding. l know my music. 1213 01:19:00,900 --> 01:19:03,150 Stop it, please. 1214 01:19:06,110 --> 01:19:08,150 What the hell is that? 1215 01:19:08,950 --> 01:19:11,910 Hey, party time! Let's get down here, huh? 1216 01:19:11,990 --> 01:19:13,990 You seen Bug around here? 1217 01:19:14,080 --> 01:19:15,660 You seen Bug? 1218 01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:18,080 That's good stuff. 1219 01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,670 Keep it up. Keep it up. 1220 01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,380 Nice work. 1221 01:19:22,920 --> 01:19:24,670 Hey, how you doing? 1222 01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:26,090 Excuse me. 1223 01:19:26,340 --> 01:19:27,840 Crowded, huh? 1224 01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:31,340 Get down, get down, get down. 1225 01:19:31,640 --> 01:19:33,220 l don't want to do this. 1226 01:19:33,970 --> 01:19:35,770 Just relax. 1227 01:19:38,270 --> 01:19:39,640 Hello, young fellow. How are you? 1228 01:19:39,730 --> 01:19:41,770 l'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell. 1229 01:19:41,860 --> 01:19:43,690 Have you seen the bug around? 1230 01:19:43,770 --> 01:19:45,730 No? l'm looking for him. 1231 01:19:45,820 --> 01:19:47,400 You're Tia Russell's uncle? 1232 01:19:47,490 --> 01:19:48,740 Really? 1233 01:19:48,820 --> 01:19:51,280 Hey! Give me that! 1234 01:19:51,370 --> 01:19:53,450 Take my hat, you punk! 1235 01:19:54,030 --> 01:19:55,080 Don't mention it. 1236 01:19:55,160 --> 01:19:56,240 All right, pop. 1237 01:19:58,750 --> 01:20:00,170 Have you seen a guy named Bug? 1238 01:20:00,250 --> 01:20:02,380 Everybody knows Bug. Hip, hip guy. 1239 01:20:03,290 --> 01:20:04,500 Let me through here, will you? 1240 01:20:04,590 --> 01:20:06,380 Your mother know you do that? 1241 01:20:07,420 --> 01:20:08,420 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) 1242 01:20:10,430 --> 01:20:12,260 Hey, this room's taken. 1243 01:20:13,050 --> 01:20:14,390 l want to go. 1244 01:20:14,470 --> 01:20:15,640 No, you don't. 1245 01:20:15,720 --> 01:20:16,720 (DOOR RATTLlNG) 1246 01:20:18,430 --> 01:20:21,600 That door opens, l'm going to kick somebody's ass! 1247 01:20:23,060 --> 01:20:24,150 Do you hear me? 1248 01:22:16,550 --> 01:22:17,640 Tia. 1249 01:22:36,570 --> 01:22:38,160 You were right. 1250 01:22:39,910 --> 01:22:42,700 Everything you said would happen happened. 1251 01:22:44,540 --> 01:22:45,750 l don't want to talk about it. 1252 01:22:45,830 --> 01:22:47,290 l just want to get you home. 1253 01:23:22,660 --> 01:23:24,240 ls this a trick? 1254 01:23:29,460 --> 01:23:30,500 No. 1255 01:23:34,420 --> 01:23:36,340 You know what happened? 1256 01:23:39,050 --> 01:23:40,180 Yeah. 1257 01:23:43,850 --> 01:23:46,770 Are you going to tell my parents about everything that's been going on? 1258 01:23:49,600 --> 01:23:50,600 No. 1259 01:23:53,360 --> 01:23:54,440 Thanks. 1260 01:23:58,860 --> 01:24:01,990 l've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life. 1261 01:24:05,450 --> 01:24:08,450 l realize maybe somebody should have been riding mine. 1262 01:24:09,080 --> 01:24:12,710 l'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help, 1263 01:24:15,250 --> 01:24:18,550 but l really could use your advice, vis-a-vis Chanice. 1264 01:24:19,470 --> 01:24:26,140 l've been stringing her along for about eight years now. 1265 01:24:27,310 --> 01:24:30,140 Maybe you could figure out what the hell is wrong with me. 1266 01:24:31,060 --> 01:24:33,520 l did such a great job earning your trust and admiration, 1267 01:24:33,610 --> 01:24:36,770 l'm confused why l can't do the same with Chanice. 1268 01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:48,080 You know there's 1269 01:24:50,710 --> 01:24:56,460 one family charity case that loves you very much. 1270 01:24:59,300 --> 01:25:00,630 l'm sorry. 1271 01:25:01,340 --> 01:25:02,840 Hey, come on. 1272 01:25:04,050 --> 01:25:05,850 Nothing to be sorry about. 1273 01:25:06,970 --> 01:25:10,560 l'm just kind of glad l got a chance to know you again. 1274 01:25:15,690 --> 01:25:17,520 Did you do anything to Bug? 1275 01:25:24,490 --> 01:25:28,990 Oh, my God ! What did you do? 1276 01:25:40,300 --> 01:25:41,800 You shithead ! 1277 01:25:41,880 --> 01:25:43,470 l could have suffocated here! 1278 01:25:43,550 --> 01:25:46,050 Um, do you know what l'd like you to do? 1279 01:25:46,140 --> 01:25:47,850 Actually, you could be doing both of us a favor. 1280 01:25:47,930 --> 01:25:50,180 l'd like you to apologize to the lady, please. 1281 01:25:50,850 --> 01:25:54,440 l'm sorry! 1282 01:25:54,520 --> 01:25:56,190 Okay, asshole? 1283 01:25:56,270 --> 01:25:57,980 l'm sorry! 1284 01:25:58,070 --> 01:26:01,440 l don't know if l told you this or not, but l'm an amateur dentist? 1285 01:26:02,900 --> 01:26:04,200 Oh, yes. He is. 1286 01:26:07,070 --> 01:26:08,740 (LAUGHlNG EVlLLY) 1287 01:26:13,210 --> 01:26:14,540 l'm sorry. 1288 01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:16,670 Get him out of there. 1289 01:26:16,750 --> 01:26:17,830 Yeah? 1290 01:26:18,210 --> 01:26:19,840 lt was halfhearted. We'll let him. Come on, here we go. 1291 01:26:19,920 --> 01:26:20,920 l'm really sorry. 1292 01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:23,130 l'm sure you are. l'm sure you are. 1293 01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:25,510 Let me just get you. . . 1294 01:26:25,800 --> 01:26:28,760 l didn't mean to hurt anybody. 1295 01:26:28,850 --> 01:26:29,970 There you go. There you go. 1296 01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:33,020 Oh, l'm sorry. 1297 01:26:40,190 --> 01:26:41,190 Shall we? 1298 01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:42,400 Yeah. 1299 01:26:48,950 --> 01:26:52,080 Yeah? Well, come on back, and l'll kick your ass, man ! 1300 01:26:52,160 --> 01:26:54,330 Chicken shit! You're dead ! 1301 01:26:55,710 --> 01:26:56,830 Shit. 1302 01:27:03,130 --> 01:27:05,460 l'm gonna sue your balls off, man ! 1303 01:27:06,380 --> 01:27:08,550 Why don't you come again? 1304 01:27:08,640 --> 01:27:10,010 Come on ! 1305 01:27:10,550 --> 01:27:12,010 Come on, man ! 1306 01:27:12,100 --> 01:27:15,140 l'm going to sue you and l'm going to sue your whole family! 1307 01:27:15,640 --> 01:27:18,350 Okay, pal. Time for a golf lesson. 1308 01:27:18,980 --> 01:27:21,020 My dad's a lawyer, msn ! You're history! 1309 01:27:21,610 --> 01:27:23,480 A little fine wood. 1310 01:27:24,820 --> 01:27:27,030 Hey. What? 1311 01:27:27,740 --> 01:27:29,410 What? What are you doing, man? 1312 01:27:30,700 --> 01:27:31,990 Shit. 1313 01:27:32,780 --> 01:27:34,080 You're history, man ! You're wasted ! 1314 01:27:34,160 --> 01:27:36,080 l'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, man ! 1315 01:27:36,620 --> 01:27:38,870 You're gonna be broke! So come on, come and get me! 1316 01:27:40,790 --> 01:27:42,880 You bastard ! Aah ! 1317 01:27:43,420 --> 01:27:44,710 Yes, sir! 1318 01:27:45,260 --> 01:27:46,920 You son of a bitch ! 1319 01:27:47,010 --> 01:27:48,130 That hurt! 1320 01:27:48,300 --> 01:27:51,010 Hey, hey, hey. l'm not sorry, all right? 1321 01:27:52,300 --> 01:27:54,640 l ain't sorry for shit! 1322 01:27:57,730 --> 01:28:00,100 What do you see in that guy anyway? 1323 01:28:00,900 --> 01:28:03,360 l can't for the life of me figure that one out. 1324 01:28:04,020 --> 01:28:07,110 Don't answer. Don't answer. You don't have to. 1325 01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:13,200 l appreciate the confession, Tia. Thank you. Thanks a lot. 1326 01:28:13,330 --> 01:28:14,740 But my problems with Buck 1327 01:28:14,830 --> 01:28:18,040 go a whole lot deeper than a misunderstanding with a neighborlady. 1328 01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:20,790 Don't you think he loves you? 1329 01:28:22,210 --> 01:28:24,130 lf he does, he'd never say it. 1330 01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:26,050 What if he did? 1331 01:28:26,130 --> 01:28:28,380 Then l would suspect he needed a new set of tires. 1332 01:28:29,760 --> 01:28:32,550 Seriously. 1333 01:28:32,970 --> 01:28:35,510 You're very sweet to talk about this 1334 01:28:35,970 --> 01:28:38,060 but l don't think you understand the bigger picture. 1335 01:28:38,390 --> 01:28:41,850 See, Buck's a charming man who wants to remain a boy forever. 1336 01:28:42,350 --> 01:28:43,350 Boy? 1337 01:28:43,690 --> 01:28:46,730 And at my age, that doesn't make for a lasting relationship. 1338 01:28:49,740 --> 01:28:52,110 l think he'd make a wonderful husband and father. 1339 01:28:52,700 --> 01:28:54,570 You do? Oh, yeah. 1340 01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,030 My sister and brother adore him. 1341 01:28:58,290 --> 01:29:02,290 He really has changed since he's been here this week. 1342 01:29:03,250 --> 01:29:05,080 He really has changed. 1343 01:29:05,460 --> 01:29:07,090 He's responsible 1344 01:29:07,880 --> 01:29:09,710 and caring and loving 1345 01:29:11,010 --> 01:29:13,590 and enthusiastic. . . 1346 01:29:14,850 --> 01:29:15,850 Energetic. 1347 01:29:16,180 --> 01:29:17,970 And energetic and 1348 01:29:19,100 --> 01:29:20,600 decent 1349 01:29:20,770 --> 01:29:21,770 (MUFFLED COUGH) 1350 01:29:21,940 --> 01:29:23,270 and kind 1351 01:29:23,400 --> 01:29:24,730 (COUGHlNG CONTlNUES) 1352 01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:27,650 and humble 1353 01:29:27,770 --> 01:29:29,780 and honest and forthright. 1354 01:29:30,570 --> 01:29:31,610 Sense of humor. 1355 01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:33,780 And he's really got a great sense of humor. 1356 01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:36,280 Did he by any chance put you up to this? 1357 01:29:36,870 --> 01:29:39,950 No! Oh, no. Mmm-mmm. 1358 01:29:40,290 --> 01:29:42,830 No, l've just gathered this from my own observations. 1359 01:29:43,540 --> 01:29:44,670 No? 1360 01:29:44,750 --> 01:29:46,330 lt's just the way he is. 1361 01:29:46,420 --> 01:29:47,630 Really? 1362 01:29:48,960 --> 01:29:49,960 Um ! 1363 01:29:51,840 --> 01:29:53,130 (CLEARlNG THROAT) 1364 01:29:54,470 --> 01:29:55,470 Really? 1365 01:29:56,970 --> 01:29:58,050 Oh, yeah ! 1366 01:29:58,140 --> 01:29:59,260 So unlike him. 1367 01:30:08,070 --> 01:30:09,070 Ow! 1368 01:30:15,530 --> 01:30:17,070 Check this out. 1369 01:30:23,120 --> 01:30:24,500 Hi, honey! 1370 01:30:25,210 --> 01:30:27,000 ls the coffee ready? 1371 01:30:27,960 --> 01:30:29,590 A little thirsty. 1372 01:30:30,170 --> 01:30:33,300 By the way, l have told you l loved you, 1373 01:30:34,130 --> 01:30:36,630 and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart. 1374 01:30:37,010 --> 01:30:38,430 lt was for shocks, remember? 1375 01:30:44,100 --> 01:30:46,270 Oh, are they sweethearts, or what? 1376 01:30:46,350 --> 01:30:48,270 This one's smart as a whip. 1377 01:30:48,520 --> 01:30:50,230 l'm going to miss them like crazy. 1378 01:30:50,320 --> 01:30:52,690 They're beautiful children. What happened to you? 1379 01:30:53,240 --> 01:30:55,740 Recessive gene, skips every nine generations. 1380 01:30:55,820 --> 01:30:56,950 l got it this time. 1381 01:30:57,030 --> 01:30:58,240 Mmm-hmm. Tragic. 1382 01:30:58,450 --> 01:31:00,320 lt isn't so bad, is it? 1383 01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:02,160 What? 1384 01:31:02,240 --> 01:31:03,620 The house, the family, the kids. 1385 01:31:03,700 --> 01:31:05,660 Oh, yeah. No, it's great. 1386 01:31:05,750 --> 01:31:06,750 This is great. 1387 01:31:07,620 --> 01:31:09,790 We should have done this a long time ago, 1388 01:31:09,880 --> 01:31:11,840 something like this, you know, you and l. 1389 01:31:15,880 --> 01:31:18,050 (BOTH SCREAMlNG) 1390 01:31:26,560 --> 01:31:28,310 They're here! 1391 01:31:33,610 --> 01:31:35,280 What are we doing? 1392 01:31:36,610 --> 01:31:39,910 Well, your mother, you see, and your sister 1393 01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,910 have to sort some things out. 1394 01:31:43,030 --> 01:31:44,290 They have to sort some things out. 1395 01:31:44,370 --> 01:31:46,540 So we're going to be very quiet for them. 1396 01:31:46,620 --> 01:31:49,170 So why don't we put a button on it like this 1397 01:31:53,170 --> 01:31:56,420 and a zipper, like that, and a lock. 1398 01:31:58,430 --> 01:32:00,930 l can't talk at all. l throw the key away. 1399 01:32:55,150 --> 01:32:56,860 lt's going to be real different. 1400 01:32:58,280 --> 01:32:59,690 l promise. 1401 01:33:00,490 --> 01:33:01,820 l love you. 1402 01:33:14,710 --> 01:33:15,830 Shit! 1403 01:33:15,960 --> 01:33:17,210 MAlZY: Bye! 1404 01:33:17,300 --> 01:33:18,880 MlLES: Bye, Uncle Buck! 1405 01:33:19,420 --> 01:33:22,300 Well, could l get out the door, please? 1406 01:33:22,380 --> 01:33:23,510 l'm going ! 1407 01:33:23,590 --> 01:33:25,090 Well, this is heavy. 1408 01:33:25,180 --> 01:33:26,260 Bye! 1409 01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:28,680 Thanks again, Buck. 1410 01:33:28,810 --> 01:33:32,020 Next time you're downtown, maybe we can go out for a coffee. 1411 01:33:34,690 --> 01:33:35,730 Okay. 1412 01:33:37,070 --> 01:33:39,860 We really had a good time. l know it's kind of ridiculous. 1413 01:33:40,030 --> 01:33:41,280 We did leave the house a little messy. 1414 01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:43,070 We did try our best. You know, we're not so good at. . . 1415 01:33:43,150 --> 01:33:44,780 Chanice. What? 1416 01:33:44,860 --> 01:33:46,280 We're going home, we're not dying. 1417 01:33:46,700 --> 01:33:48,240 l'm saying good-bye, is that all right? 1418 01:33:48,410 --> 01:33:49,790 All right. Nice guy, is he? 1419 01:33:49,870 --> 01:33:51,410 Tell the neighbors we're really sorry 1420 01:33:51,500 --> 01:33:53,830 about having that thing parked in the driveway all week. 1421 01:33:53,920 --> 01:33:56,250 He's getting a new company car on Monday. 1422 01:33:56,330 --> 01:33:59,130 The hell l am ! The beast is good for another 1 00,000 miles. 1423 01:33:59,210 --> 01:34:00,630 Yeah, well, it's too bad that you're not. 1424 01:34:00,710 --> 01:34:02,050 That's funny, Chanice. That's good. 1425 01:34:02,300 --> 01:34:03,300 See what l put up with? 1426 01:34:03,380 --> 01:34:06,340 Don't drive fast. l'm not fixing anymore tickets for you. 1427 01:39:28,540 --> 01:39:30,130 BUCK: Wake up! 1428 01:39:30,210 --> 01:39:31,790 (AlR HORN BLOWlNG) 1429 01:39:33,380 --> 01:39:34,800 (BUCK LAUGHlNG)