Hello, Is this Randy Bates?
Who wants to know?
This is Crazy Carl Cummings.
KZTS all-hits radio station. Pride of the nation at 98.9.
We've got a surprise for you just about as big as Barry Manilow's beak,
Are you sitting down? Better yet, are you laying down?
Are you on a waterbed, all comfy? Are you horizontal, Randy boy?
No, I'm sitting up, but I think I can handle it.
Do you like country music?
I used to like Roy Acuff.
Roy Acuff? Would you take Dolly Parton in a pinch?
I may be Crazy Carl, but I would. But you won it.
An evening with Dolly Parton.
The evening begins with a pre-show dinner for you and Miss Parton...
at the Hawaii Kai Room of the Sheraton Barstow.
A backstage pass for you for Dolly's big show at the Barstow War Memorial...
and then, a little dessert at Massimino's Cafe.
And who knows whether the evening will end there?
Because, Dolly, she's a powerful woman.
She's been on the road a long, long time.
All right.
- What's your favorite radio station? - KZTS.
I can't hear you.
We'll pick you up at 6:00 in a long black limousine, baby.
Yeah, all right.
Dolly Parton? You turned a hard-core felon into a trembling teenager.
What kind of indictment did this guy skip out on?
Two counts of atrocious assault.
He found his wife in bed with a roadie from ZZ Top and took a tire iron to both.
You must be awful tired, you had a long drive to get here.
That's my job, track them and snatch them.
I can't believe this guy is sitting there expecting a limousine.
Good evening, sir. Congratulations.
Goddamn, I never won anything before.
Allow me.
I am ready to party hard.
I'm Tom Nowak. I've been empowered by the State of California...
to return you to Sacramento where you're due to stand trial.
You son of a bitch!
What's your favorite radio station, Randy?
K-Suck, you dork!
Once we catch them, we never gloat.
Thank you, gents.
What kind of music do you like?
I sure as hell don't want to hear no Roy Acuff, I'll tell you that.
Matter of fact...
I'd like to hear something that sounds about as mean as I feel.
Why don't you just let me pick it for you, then?
A Crazy Carl Cummings special.
John Capshaw from Sacramento,
He's got a good start, and Rampage is a tough one to ride,
It looks like he'll get big money out of this rodeo,
Capshaw has gone down, and the rodeo clowns move in,
Here's what clowns are all about...
as the bull takes it out on the barrel,
Thanks, partner.
Nice ride, cowboy.
Tom, how are you doing?
Say, my favorite bloodhound.
I just did John Capshaw and I could sure use the cash now, if you got it.
- You did Capshaw? - How?
I'll tell you later. You got the money?
We're just ordering. Sit down.
You got to eat, for Christ's sake.
I'll have the Chief Justice Warren Burger, well done.
Extra fries.
One Warren, burn it.
Have you got the money? I got to visit someone.
You got to visit somebody?
Isn't that funny?
I never thought of Tommy Nowak as the kind of guy who pays a social call.
Have you got the money?
All right.
Thanks.
Tell us how you did Capshaw.
He tricked the poor bastard. That's what he did.
He snuck up when the dude was half unconscious.
- Who are you? - I'm Capshaw's lawyer, okay?
I'll tell you this...
there's a pretty thin line between what you do and what some outlaws do.
Maybe a thin line, but it ain't invisible.
- Afternoon, Miss McGuinn. - Afternoon, Mr. Barton.
When you going to take some sun?
You're about the palest thing in the whole damn camp.
One of these days, Mr. Barton.
Remember when I gave you our rent money on the first of the month...
- right on time? - Remember?
It's a golden day in my book of memories.
First time since you and your husband came here...
when you actually paid when it was due.
Can I have it back?
You're a really nice person, Mr. Barton.
Isn't he?
Hi, honey.
What's up?
Hi, honey.
- What's that? - Leave that alone.
That's baby food money, Roy.
Not for shotguns, not for Wild Turkey.
Not so you can get wasted on some kind of horse tranquilizer.
You're with me on that, right?
Do you hear, boys? This is baby food money.
$120.
Would you help me with the baby?
Say, hey, Roy.
- We finally got it knocked, baby. - Knocked?
Like that Amway franchise in the desert? Or the oil field work in Alaska?
Or how about our famous chinchilla farm, remember?
Make cash fast by raising chinchillas for their pelts...
unless you leave the cage door open and they run away.
I know I screwed up a lot of things...
but honest, we're on Dream Street now.
Come on.
How'd you make this money?
We didn't make it. Some friends of ours did.
- It's counterfeit? - State of the art, baby.
This is the big time.
Listen to me.
You do six months for selling hot VCRs, I'm still here when you get out.
I waited for you. But I didn't count on these prison buddies.
Please, for the baby's sake, get rid of these psychos.
They scare me.
Psychos? These guys?
Let me keep the money here a few days. I'll find a good hiding place for it.
I know I screwed up some things in the past...
but this is idiot-proof.
Doesn't it seem just a little strange that this woman...
who has no previous record at all...
is the only person being indicted for possession of counterfeit money?
Your Honor, she was the only one home at the time of the raid.
And she refuses to tell us anything about the crime.
One could hardly blame the woman, Mr. Hastings...
when she's got a Folsom Prison class reunion...
going on right behind her.
If Your Honor pleases, these gentlemen have come to post bond for the defendant.
We believe that the counterfeit money we found in that trailer...
is just the tip of the iceberg. There are other moneys...
and other crimes involved. So we ask the court...
to set the bond with these facts in mind.
The court sets bail at $25,000.
We can cover that action, baby.
Your Honor, Mrs. McGuinn prefers to seek bail...
from a recognized bail bondsman.
What do you got for me, Buddy?
I told you. I got Little Walter Drucker.
The schmuck who gave me this defective microwave for collateral.
He is sitting downtown at the Golden Bear Motel...
waiting to be plucked like an apple on a tree.
Why don't you let one of the kids handle him?
There's no fun in the Walter Druckers of the world.
Fun?
Mr. Bring-them-back-alive wants a big fun-fix.
If I may quote the immortal Olivia Newton-John:
"Have you never been mellow?"
I know what you can do. You can fill out mileage reports.
Justify all the money I am giving you for gasoline.
Will you do that for me?
I asked you a question.
And I didn't give you an answer.
So, you can do Walter Drucker.
"Hell, no. That's no fun."
You could fill out mileage reports.
"Hell, no. That's too much like a real job."
You can jump on Mary Ellen Chesbro:
The beautiful court stenographer who's been mooning over you for two years.
"Hell, no. She might get her hooks in me."
Come on, Tommy!
Do Walter Drucker. For once in your life, be reasonable.
I tried that once. I didn't like it.
How's that baby?
I had to leave her with my sister over in Nevada.
Sure was sorry to hear about the arrest.
Are they gonna take the baby away?
I mean, after they find you guilty and all?
I don't know, Mr. Barton.
Sure is a fine machine.
Every boy's dream. A pink Cadillac.
You know what Elvis said.
Roy never drove this thing. Never even had the top down.
And you ask me why I never get any sun on my face.
I don't mean to interfere...
in your marriage...
but it's dangerous messing around with a man's vehicles.
You're right about that, Mr. Barton.
Very right.
Come back here, damn it!
What are you going to do now?
Or you can explain it to Alex. He'll pass judgment.
Yeah, okay.
But I'm worn out. Don't you have any speed?
Diet pills? What the hell am I supposed to do with supermarket diet pills?
You can gobble the whole box as far as I'm concerned.
I'm not gonna waste good crystal on you now.
Maybe if you find Lou Ann.
Hell of an escape, Lou Ann.
You are about the palest thing.
Obviously a hardened criminal,
I can tell by the Kewpie bow lips.
Who cares about her lips? She walked out on a bond of $25,000. She's a fugitive.
You want her or not? For me it's all the same.
I want her. You got a priors on her?
Her old man has all the priors, but I didn't post bond for the old man.
Did they run together by any chance?
Actually, you might have competition from the hubby.
She's more scared of him than she is of the law.
Why's that?
He's involved with that gang of ex-cons, you know, the Birthright.
Birthright?
No, Buddy. I want you to understand me.
Watch the rhythmic movement of my lips as I tell you...
- I'm not going to take this assignment. - Come on, I need you.
Do you know what I was saying to somebody yesterday?
I swear I said, "Tommy Nowak...
"he can track down a shadow in the middle of the night."
I happen to track fugitives, Buddy.
I don't go around after whacked-out ex-cons that carry automatic weapons.
But I bet those guys from the Birthright are saying:
"Let's waste this broad before she turns state's evidence."
I mean, it probably is the first time in your life...
that you can serve the cause of justice.
Yeah.
What? I happen to love our legal system.
As long as it keeps you in diamonds and Sonys.
You're saving her by catching her.
So, where are you going to start looking?
It says here she's got a sister that lives out near Reno.
- Reno? - Might as well start there.
But watch the mileage, would you?
Stay clear of the Birthright!
Speed and wine!
Give me some of that stuff.
I want that stuff that killed Hank Williams, I just don't want quite that much.
What are you yelling for, Roy?
Do you think you've earned the right to have a good time?
No.
What's your problem, Roy?
No problem, Alex.
Tell me.
I don't...
I don't like...
"I don't like seeing Lou Ann out there in Silhouette City."
I always know what you're thinking, don't I?
Yeah.
Go ahead. Take it down.
Go ahead.
Stop!
Turn around.
Do you trust me?
Yes, sir.
Go stand in your wife's picture.
Now, here's the point.
I need at least a dozen more full automatic weapons...
to start building the arsenal of my dreams.
The arsenal of our dreams.
Yeah.
But our weapons budget, our communications budget...
just about our whole budget is driving around in the desert...
with your wife.
Now, are you man enough to go get it back?
- Yes, sir, I am. - Good.
I thought so.
Waycross, why don't you go help him out?
- What should I do about... - The female?
Use your best judgment.
Look at this gorgeous girl.
If this cash was genuine, I'd have your Harvard education all paid for.
$253,000.
That'd just about do it.
This sure does look real.
Why don't you cut loose this one time?
Take this play money into Reno and give yourself a weekend on the town.
What are you talking about? I just got here.
Lou Ann, honey, you're a fugitive.
We figured, if anybody comes after you, this might be their first stop.
It's best we scatter for a while until this thing blows over.
We'll take the baby to my folks' house. She'll be safe there.
You just go on in to Reno. Have yourself a good time.
And get some sun while you're at it.
Bye, baby. I love you. Yes.
- Everything's gonna be all right. - We'll see you in a couple of days.
Bye.
Bye, honey. I love you. Don't forget me.
You seen a blonde in a pink Cadillac?
Only in my dreams.
Pack them.
Aren't you gonna treat yourself to some new clothes?
We mustn't let our babies get more glamorous than us.
Maybe just one dress.
Ring these up. I'm going to show her to ladies' wear.
- And the shoe department. - Good.
I'll go! Give me the dice while I'm hot.
Let's go again.
Coming up. Eight!
- Okay, give me the dice. - Your skin is soft.
Fellow, leave the lady alone.
Leave me alone while I'm holding the dice. Give me those dice. Okay!
You can't do it.
I'm going to double it!
Seven, out.
Oh, no. I lost.
Your skin...
it is so soft. Like Velveeta.
You know Velveeta?
Yeah. You think my skin looks like processed cheese.
May I see you for a moment? Right this way. Thank you.
Sit down over here, Mrs. McGuinn.
Somebody got you some nice threads, didn't they?
Recognize this woman?
She looks familiar.
Like someone who never really got a break.
Someone who might go crazy for a day. I wouldn't judge her.
You're a cop?
Not exactly.
What do you mean, not exactly? Who the hell are you?
I'm a skip tracer.
I work for the bail bondsman who put up your bond.
Why didn't you have your husband and his friends put up the money?
If you're taking me back, let's get going.
I can't take much more of this Elvis tribute.
If you don't mind me saying, you look dressed to kill tonight.
I'm dressed to torture, killing's too good.
Could you hold that a second?
My purse!
You creep! Just give me back my...
Thanks.
I got a warrant for that woman.
Here's fine.
Didn't think anyone could run that fast in heels.
Tina Turner taught me.
Look, mister, I got an 8-month-old baby...
I don't even want to hear about it. I'm just a delivery boy.
Where are the handcuffs?
You're not gonna handcuff me? Aren't you into the whole bondage part of the job?
Lady, I don't even like starch in my collars.
You wouldn't take bail money from the Birthright...
but you managed to spend some of that counterfeit cash around town.
It's not so complicated.
I had the whole thing figured out.
It's for my daughter.
I was going to take a little bit of the make-believe money...
and win a lot of the real money...
at the tables.
It's dumb.
It sounds like one of my husband's great ideas.
He sounds really swift.
How'd you get tied up with him in the first place?
Believe it or not, Roy was the coolest boy in San Bernardino...
about 40,000 Heinekens ago.
He said I was marrying James Dean.
I ended up with an amphetamine junkie.
You don't know how many women I talk to who tell the same story.
Look...
I have $250,000 of very high-quality counterfeit cash...
Forget it. I wouldn't take it if it was real.
Shut up and listen to me. I didn't mean it that way.
- You didn't? - I didn't mean it that way.
I thought that if I gave the money to the cops, they might go easy on me.
We could go back and pick it up.
Helping you with your legal case is absolutely none of my business.
My job is just to follow you, find you...
and Federal Express you back home.
The three F's?
I could use a little help.
This is so wrong.
Stand aside.
It makes a really good hiding place.
It kind of reminds you of going to the drive-in movie, doesn't it?
Parking in the woods...
listening to the crickets off in the distance.
- The howling of the wolves... - Will you shut up?
The baying of the dogs.
You just have to play that little-girl-lost routine, don't you?
"I'm just a fugitive felon.
"That doesn't mean I'm not feminine.
"I just need a strong man to help me.
"I guess that makes me like a Cosmo fugitive."
Buddy. Look, I asked you for a favor. You said okay.
You don't have to go making fun of me.
I'm through taking shit from men.
That's one thing we have in common.
Because I'm through taking shit from men, too.
It's a little late to try to head out to Sacramento now.
Come on in. Make yourself comfortable.
Those are gone.
Put your sack down. Take a load off.
Buddy? It's me, in Reno.
I haven't found her yet. I've got the scent, though.
I'll probably find her tomorrow or the next day.
Will you forget about the mileage? I'm tired of talking about mileage.
I'll call you in the morning no matter what happens.
Why did you lie?
It just seemed easier than explaining things.
Would you care for something from our complimentary mini-bar?
Yeah.
I forgot that's the way it is with these joints.
They get you half in the bag, and you forget how to play the game.
Maybe one Cuervo. Just a short one.
We'll keep the drapes open, so it won't get too dark in here.
What's the matter? Are you nervous?
Are your palms all sweaty?
Can you help me with my zipper?
Thanks.
Going somewhere?
I was just getting a glass of water. I have a little gas.
Feel good?
Thank you.
Look at these little jellies.
No, it's mine.
It's mine. That's for the bill.
That's for you.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
I'm a big tipper.
- Let's look at some of this play dough. - No.
I have had no trouble spending any of that money.
- I can see why. It's real. - It can't be.
It's real.
- How do you know? - I just know.
I think these guys must have come across...
high-grade counterfeit money. They've been exchanging it for the real stuff.
The money in your trailer was probably the last of the fake stuff.
This is Grade A, U. S. Government green.
You mean...
I've been running around...
with $250,000...
in real money?
Yep.
Birthright money?
Oh, God.
What's going to happen to me?
What's going to happen to my baby?
I've got a job to do.
We better hit the road.
America for Americans!
Did you get the female?
What about the money?
You two have put me on a very low-budget level.
Now, I tried to have some pamphlets made up cheaply.
Waycross, why don't you come up here and take a look at this?
"Niggers," blah, blah, blah...
"Spics, gooks taking our jobs."
Blah, blah, blah.
"Conspiracy of the Jews."
- It's not very good. - Why don't you tell everyone why?
Well, first of all, the printing stinks.
I mean, "niggers" is all blurred...
and now and here you got "Jews" running off into the margin.
You got that right.
- You think that's funny? - I mean...
Imagine...
trying to recruit new members with amateurish crap like this.
There's no way, Alex.
You are going to Silhouette City.
All right!
He's a warrior.
Good.
Now I feel some unity.
Now I feel some power.
Not just a bunch of small-time car thieves, penny ante codeine junkies...
wife beaters, drifters without a clue in this world...
but warriors.
Ready to seize everything that's been denied them.
Why don't you go back to that sister's house and wait?
I guarantee you, within five days we will have all our money back.
And we will deal with the female.
You see that? That's God.
God caused that flat tire. He doesn't want you to take me back.
- God's into blowing tires now? - Yes.
I'm just asking for two more days.
We can go to my sister's house and I can see my baby again.
Don't you know I've already gone clinically insane?
Taking you back here to get the money, interfering with your case.
Ever since I met you, I've been breaking the law.
What the hell is the law anyway?
The same people who make the law, break the law every day.
I am not talking about their law, I am talking about my law.
Fine!
Then follow your own law.
What do you mean the trail went cold? Tom, you're too good,
I'm having serious trouble with this.
Wait, don't hang up. All right.
Since you've driven all the way to Reno, Nevada, you might as well do Jack Bass.
We got a tip that he's been hanging around Harrah's lately.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait, Tom.
Do you know what cherchez la femme means?
It's French for dig up the broad, already. Okay?
I've always admired your way with a Continental phrase.
I've got a new case. A real mean dude.
What the hell am I going to do with you?
Take me along. Maybe I can help.
Oh, God. Give me a break.
Too much raw dude for you, babe? I can dig it.
If my life were a movie, there'd be a sign on it saying:
"Caution: Some scenes too intense for younger viewers."
Okay.
Let's say this act of yours works and you catch this Bass character.
- We catch this bastard, doll face. - Yeah.
We catch him. What did he do, anyhow?
He stabbed a dealer down in Vegas.
Imagined he was cheating him, and went crazy with a 10-inch blade.
Where are we gonna try and catch him?
I hear he's been hanging around Harrah's the last few nights.
What'll you do when you catch him?
I'm gonna apprehend him.
Turn him over to the local authorities.
Without getting to know anything about him.
Nothing about his personal life.
I don't want to know about his brother, his mother, his sister...
I don't want to know about the family pets...
the pet parakeet, the dog, the cat.
I don't want to know diddly-shit.
Wait for my signal. And remember your line.
Hello, Jack. I'm Miss Reno Casino.
This is where you want to be. Big jackpot.
Big payoffs.
Come on in and try your luck. This is where you want to be.
If you feel lucky, this is where you want to play...
because the action never stops. Come on in.
What do you think?
Looks like a penis, only smaller.
If you're feeling lucky, this is the place to be.
Because the action never stops.
If you're hungry, step right up, come in and try one of our restaurants.
This is it, folks. This is the place you want to be. Big payoffs.
Here he is, Mr. Hassleback. Our one-millionth customer.
What a fine specimen of a man he is, too.
Yes, Mr. Lucky One Million.
Sorry we don't have a brass band for you, Mr...
- Jack Bass. - Jack Bass.
No brass for Mr. Bass.
If you'll pardon the pun, sir. May I call you Jack?
You can call me Daryl Hassleback.
I happen to be the vice-president in charge of promotion of this casino.
Are you familiar with our operation?
Sure. Like Vic Damone...
- and Alan King. - Yeah, like Vic.
Yeah, cool, man.
We have 143 gaming tables and 4 showrooms...
and the deluxe hotel. And we got a fantastic gift for you.
Yeah, what?
Would you believe an all-expense-paid weekend on me...
and $5,000 worth of chips?
Ladies and gentlemen, move back and give Mr. Bass some room.
Move back. Can't you see the detective is trying to make an arrest...
Get him!
I'll kill you, you...
- My name is Tom Nowak. - What?
I've been authorized to turn you over to the local authorities...
where you will be extradited.
Yeah! It's a contact sport!
What the hell happened to you?
You were supposed to show up and play Miss Reno Casino...
- and give him a kiss. - I didn't want to kiss him.
We both know what I was really supposed to do.
I was supposed to show you once and for all if I'd run away.
- You showed me. You ran. - I thought about it.
But when I saw you chasing him, I came back.
We did Jack Bass!
- We're partners. - Partners?
I don't even have a goddamn car anymore. I don't have any partners.
Didn't anyone ever tell you, you shouldn't mess with a man's vehicles?
Yeah, I think I heard that someplace before.
You want the goddamn car or not?
Yeah, I want it, for two days only.
One day to see your kid, and the other day to get you to Sacramento.
Thanks.
You won't regret it.
I wonder.
I may be thick, but this sucks, standing here waiting.
Well, Roy, you are thick. Just about as thick as a Texas steak.
My God, it's Roy. It's Roy with some other guy.
What the hell did I do with the goddamn.38?
Shit!
Fellow here kind of misses his wife.
Where is she, Jeff? You better tell us right now.
I swear we haven't seen her.
Come on now, Jeff. You're my brother-in-law.
Family members should always be truthful with each other.
He is telling you the truth!
Give me Royann.
Give me my own flesh and blood.
It's okay, honey. It's okay.
You know, Roy, this kid's our ace in the hole.
Mothers always come back for their young.
It's just a matter of time.
Wouldn't you say so, dear?
I don't know. It could be a real long time.
We'll wait. I got plenty of time.
So why did the first marriage break up?
First marriage was a joke.
I was never around.
This line of work, you're always out on the road.
The second marriage...
I don't even want to touch that one.
I did get engaged to a girl about three years ago.
Really?
So what happened?
Right after we got engaged...
she won the title of Miss Aamco Transmission...
of Turlock, California.
Naturally, she'd date a guy...
who'd stand beside her when she performed her queenly duties...
like cutting the ribbon at a new muffler shop or something.
We both knew I wasn't that guy.
So you never really settled down.
- I don't think... - Let me guess. You're not the type.
You're an American wildcat.
Your kind can't breed in captivity.
The road is your only home.
I guess the road can get a little old now and then.
Isn't that dangerous? Putting that cocaine on that knife?
Cocaine?
Cocaine's for queers with gold credit cards.
This here is amphetamine.
Only way to snort it is off a hunting knife. Want some?
Cute little girl, isn't she?
She's her dad's precious.
I'm not much for rug rats myself.
Just accidents waiting to happen.
Of course, this one's worth its weight in gold, isn't it?
This one's going to bring home mama.
Mama and all that precious money.
Roy, what are you going to do to Lou Ann?
We're gonna get the money and the car back...
and then we're just gonna put the fear of God into her.
Fear of God?
What good's the fear of God these days?
She took our hard-earned money. She can nail us.
I don't think the fear of God's nearly good enough.
A child of four could see these envelopes are hermetically sealed,
They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar since noon today,
If you could just sit and talk to Alex for 10 minutes...
you'd understand why you have to live in this crummy little house.
How you got cheated of your birthright and what you could do to get it back.
This house is just fine with me.
I know what you stand for. My old man fought against it in World War II.
Maybe I should pop you right now.
My Cadillac!
She's here.
- You recognize this car? - It's Jeff and Dinah's. They're home.
This is my friend, Tom Nowak.
Hi, Tom, pleased to meet you.
Why don't you both come in?
- Where's my little baby? - There she is.
Who's here? Look.
Show your mama how you've been walking.
Pumpkin, you can walk!
Surprise!
- Roy, what's going on? - Over there.
Maybe you better tell me what's going on.
Who's the new bodyguard?
He was sent to catch me.
Sure, you look real caught.
By the bail bondsman, Roy.
Take your filthy hands off my child!
They say you can't put a value on human life. That's such absolute bullshit!
I can put a value on this little rug rat's life.
$253,000. Let's have it.
And the keys to my Cadillac, too.
Here you go.
You had the nerve to drive my vehicle? I ought to...
The transmission's half-shot and it pulls...
Fuck that Cadillac! Where's the money?
It's right in the back where you left it.
Go check it, Roy. If it's there, honk. Wait for me outside. You understand?
Wait outside!
I've got some unfinished business with this bitch.
You're gonna try to be a hero?
I'm a skip tracer. This isn't my fight.
Then shut up and sit down.
Get the kid!
No, Roy! You're not like them. Roy, give me the baby!
Roy, no!
Come back!
Roy, come back with the baby!
That guy was good. I'll give him that.
"It's not my fight."
You know what, darling?
He lied.
The night she was born...
I remember lying on the table in the delivery room.
Worrying.
Worrying about Roy.
Worrying about money.
Worrying about this baby.
She seemed to have two strikes against her before she was even born.
Then, all of a sudden, I just...
floated up to the ceiling of the delivery room.
I hovered there...
Looking down at myself.
And I saw how pale and sweaty...
and worried I was, and I thought...
it's a shame she has to be so scared all her life.
Doesn't she know everything's going to be all right?
Because the real me...
was floating above it all.
Then the ceiling of the delivery room just opened up...
and I just kept rising up into the air...
until it felt like all the stars were passing right through my body.
And then the baby came out.
We're going to get your baby back.
- I love you. - Drive carefully.
Bye.
All right.
You wanna be partners, we'll be partners. Open the glove box.
I'm gonna give you your first lesson in skip tracing.
A subtle, almost diabolically clever way...
of obtaining documents from locked places.
That is clever.
What does he have in here?
Roy always had a couple of those phony IDs hanging around.
Looks pretty good, doesn't it?
Better than pretty good.
This could fool a trooper in California or Nevada.
This is a Ricky Z original.
We're headed west.
Who's Ricky Z?
All right. Tommy Nowak!
How's the life force treating you today, pal?
- All right. - Come on in.
I wanted to know if you remember making this license for a Roy Hollyfield?
Sure, boy!
I had to go into a trance on that one. It's not funny, either.
This is the truth. Dude came in here, he was all shaky.
His partners were all hostile...
so I just wanted to give him a name to chill him out.
So I went into my meditation routine.
And I came up with this name. Roy Hollyfield.
Dude, you never introduced me to your old lady yet.
You're the expert on make-believe, you tell me.
I'd say Gwendolyn.
Or maybe Samantha.
But the way the world runs, your name's probably Bonnie Sue.
- Close. Lou Ann. - Well, see...
some people see names the way they are.
I see names the way they should be.
This Hollyfield license, and the guys he came in with...
Just a minute. Let me create a new identity for you.
- I am on the lam. - It's cool.
His running buddies. Can you tell me about his running buddies?
Yeah. They were those dudes from the Birthright.
They're clients of mine.
- How could you? Those guys are psycho. - Chill out, man.
They're just a bunch of screw-ups who play with guns.
There's nothing more dangerous than a screw-up with a.44.
Now concentrate, will you? Whereabouts was their camp?
Give me a second. I'll concentrate for you.
I want you to sign your name.
Sign "Gwendolyn de la Croix" three times in your most relaxed handwriting.
Listen, Tommy, I may be out there, but I'm not an idiot...
and don't ask me to rat on the Birthright.
She has a baby being held by speed freaks with automatic weapons.
Wow, man. That's heavy.
God! Don't lay that on me, man.
I think I know where they are. I think they're in the Sierras.
When they came in, they were all weirded out...
they were wired, they were talking like auctioneers.
One of them started calling me a hippie. Trying to mess with my mind.
But I let them talk because my mind is unmessable.
Absolutely.
All right. So then they said...
there was a hippie commune on the other side of their camp...
over near Mariposa, I think.
Then he said that on the day of the great uprising...
he personally was gonna make sure...
that all the hippies on the farm were carved up.
All right.
What are you saying, man? That it's all right to kill hippies?
I'm just saying you did a good job. You kept your eyes and ears open.
Well, yeah.
You act as weird as me, and people open up on you.
Follow me?
- Catch up with you later. - Okay.
All right. Let's look at this.
Listen, the next time I see you...
I'll have this Gwendolyn de la Croix totally fleshed out.
Great, thanks.
Tommy! That name suits you.
Tommy Nowak.
How come you didn't turn me in to the cops all these years?
I don't know.
People want to disappear, reappear, change their identity.
It's all part of the game.
Yeah, I guess.
All right!
Yeah, that's it.
Okay. See you later!
Rest assured...
he will be avenged.
It's beyond money now.
It's beyond that female.
It's a question of paying that lawman back.
Amen.
Roy, I want you to think.
Was there anything left in that Cadillac that a smart man might use as a clue?
No, sir. Nothing.
Except...
You got a place we can park this car that's out of sight?
Are you staying?
Fantastic!
Sure, I'll take care of the car for you.
I'm gonna put you in the Hawaiian Luau Room.
Aloha.
It's eerie how much this place looks like Hawaii, isn't it?
Yeah.
Looks like we just walked in off the beach at Waikiki.
Maybe we'd better pull up a palm tree and go to sleep.
It's all right, you all be cool. Just get in and get out.
Get through, okay? Hear what I'm saying?
Let's kick some butt!
Ricky Z!
Open up!
Ricky Z, you mangy hippie!
We want to talk to you!
We're looking for a lawman and his old lady.
- You seen them? - No!
I've been fasting for four days. My eyes closed and everything.
I haven't seen anybody.
Don't act slick, Ricky Z.
It don't suit you, man.
Come on, Billy. They probably didn't even come here.
Say hey, Roy?
Check that shit out, man.
You lied. They were here.
- What'd you tell them about us? - I told them you live in the Sierras.
Maybe some hippie commune. I don't know. I'm too scared to lie.
Too scared? You stinking hippie.
When did they leave?
I don't know, 4:15 p. m., 5:27 p. m.
- I don't know. - You lying son of a bitch!
Let's trash it.
All right, let's move!
I love it!
Come on, give me a light.
Having a barbecue!
Burn, baby!
I am the god of hellfire!
This is a major bummer.
We better go.
What a shame.
When we find your baby, where are you going to go, then?
I don't know.
Someplace where you can track me down.
You up already?
I was gonna bring you some bananas for your morning luau.
Thanks. Maybe we'll take a rain check.
I'm Tom Nowak. I'm a court-appointed officer from the State of California.
We're looking for this man.
That sounds like a nerve-wracking job. Hope I can help you out.
Yes, sir.
He stayed here not more than three or four weeks ago.
He did?
He said he was going on a fishing trip.
Maybe he came up here to contact the Birthright.
Yes indeed. This is Mr. Dickhead.
Mr. John A. Dickhead.
Not a bad self-description.
A fellow named John A. Dickhead stays here...
and you don't think that might be an alias?
That's the first thing that occurred to me.
But I figured, must be a million fake names a man could call himself...
why call yourself John A. Dickhead unless you had to?
Got a good point there.
What do you remember about this Dickhead?
Not a whole lot.
I tend to stick to my knitting, so to speak.
Thanks. Where's our car?
In the coop.
In the coop?
Jiminy Crickets.
Here's one desk clerk who didn't have his thinking cap on last night.
That's sacrilege.
No, now it's really Roy's car.
I'm really sorry, Mr. Nowak.
I'll tell you what, though. There's a car wash down the road.
Whatever it is, it'll come off your bill.
Didn't anyone ever tell those chickens not to mess with a man's vehicles?
What a mess!
Over here.
Alone at last.
Come on out, tracer.
It's over!
Come on out, boy. Right now!
Stop them.
Get the truck!
Come on, get in!
Come on, Darrell, put the pedal to the metal!
Come on! Pass that son of a bitch!
Darrell, watch that truck!
Son of a bitch!
Damn it!
At least we got rid of the chicken shit.
- Dial it. - Holy Toledo!
Dial what?
Dial the number you called this morning when you set us up.
The number of the Birthright camp.
- Yeah. - Hello, Alex? Tom Nowak,
How you doing?
I'm okay, tracer. I'm surprised to hear from you, though.
I thought they'd be scraping you off the car upholstery by now.
Let's stop all the foolishness, and start talking about a trade.
One female infant for all our money. Even up?
Yeah. That sounds like a good deal. Even up.
2:00 sharp. Corner of Nelson and Main Street.
Park the Cadillac by the post office,
Put the money in the trash can by the wooden Indian on the northwest corner,
The kid will be on the southeast,
It's not my baby.
You bastards!
Where's my baby?
My Cadillac! My vehicle!
We're slicker than snot on the doorknob, Alex.
Just like you showed us on the chalkboard with them "X's" and "O's."
See what happens when you act like warriors?
When you band together as one?
He's good.
There's no question about that.
He's so good, he's got to die.
Soon.
I'm sorry about what happened. It's just that they got us so scared.
- Just tell me where the camp is. - I don't know.
Really, I don't.
I do know they go to the Pioneer Bar in Coulterville...
to have cocktails in the evening.
Cocktails?
Where's the key to that truck?
It's in it.
You all right?
I'm fine.
I have faith in you.
You do? Why?
You're crazier than they are.
But you're good crazy.
You could be one of them, if you wanted to.
But they could never be one of you.
Do you know what I mean? Does that make any sense?
It does give me an idea.
What?
What are you doing?
You're not going to join them? You're not going to their camp?
No, I'm not much of a joiner.
But I do think I ought to go to Coulterville...
for cocktails.
What if they recognize you?
The ones who got a clear look at me were Roy and Waycross...
and I have a hunch that Waycross don't get around much anymore.
If Roy's in there, and he gets a look at me...
I'll just have to improvise.
If I'm not out by 1:00 a. m., don't wait for me. You take off, hear me?
Sure.
Girl, come on. Just give me a hug.
- What'll it be? - A shot of Four Roses and a draft.
What's a good old boy have to do to get in trouble around here?
Calling my mother a drunken slut would do well for openers.
Your mother...
is far too nice a lady for that.
Get me a vodka, too. I'm going to have a drink of everything at the bar.
What will it be this time, buddy?
I'll tell you what it's going to be.
It's gonna be a whole new world...
where a white man can stand tall for a change.
Right.
Spare me the rap. I've heard it all from the dudes in the back.
How you all doing?
Bartender said there's some real men out here.
Are you going to shoot pool, or talk a lot of dog shit?
Better than that. I'm going to shoot dog shit and talk a lot of pool.
Excuse me, sir.
Say, homeboy...
I know you.
Course you do.
I'm Will Van Slyke and you're Billy Dunston.
You're probably the biggest celebrity to ever hit Folsom in 1982.
- Folsom? - Yeah.
Sure. What'd they get you for?
They got me for the three F's.
Assault with intent, B and E, and having carnal knowledge with a vehicle.
That little Corvette was just begging for it.
We need this dude in our world.
Read my boy's biceps.
That's a big one.
"Death before dishonor."
Words we live by.
Carved it in with a piece of copper wire myself.
But there's some dude around here who's dishonored us.
Dishonored us.
- Who might that be? - Skip tracer, dude.
He ripped off our leader. Killed our baddest man.
Man! He's got to go down.
"An eye for an eye."
No, a head for an eye.
That's right!
No, thanks, man. I'm high on life.
Wait a second. The way I see this...
you had this vehicle trapped at the car wash...
and you still couldn't put him down.
Man, maybe we're talking too much.
Relax, man. He's one of us.
Then let him deal with that slimy Nowak dude.
We did everything possible.
You saying we didn't?
I'm not saying that.
You'd be more convincing if you weren't pissing on your cigarette.
Let's get out of here.
We'll talk more tomorrow, up at the camp.
So?
So I'm headed up there tomorrow.
Good.
I'm coming with you.
We'll talk about that later.
I want you to give me one of your guns.
Now, look. I've got a firm policy on gun control.
If there's a gun around, I want to be the person controlling it.
Change your policy.
Lou Ann, I've already broken every rule in the book.
I've written a new book to break new rules.
How far do you want me to go?
All the way.
You know how to use one of these?
Roy taught me.
He thought it would bring us closer if we could go shooting together.
I can't seem to get away from this car.
Hold it right there!
Hello, Roy. We're here for the baby.
What's funny, Roy?
Me.
I get busted down to guard duty, and I screw that up.
Just once in my life, I'd like to get something right.
Why don't you get it right this time? Help us get the kid back.
What's your plan?
Plan A is I go up to the camp as Will Van Slyke...
and I'll keep Alex and the rest of them diverted.
Then Lou Ann will get the baby and take off.
What's Plan B?
Plan B is all hell breaks loose. Get in the back.
Who's going to drive?
Be my guest.
I got the visitor here.
I can see that.
Who in the hell gave you permission to leave your post?
Stay out of this, Will.
- Ease up on him. - Wait a second.
I don't know you from Folsom. I know you from...
The car wash.
Nice of you to refresh his memory.
Royann's in the last cabin, the other side of the camp.
Wait there.
- Wait a minute. - Wait there.
Darrell.
Will Van Slyke!
- How you doing, bud? - How are you, pal?
You were funnier than hell last night.
We could use a few more laughs around here.
A few laughs.
I wanted to ask you. I been thinking.
If we get rid of all the blacks and all the Jews...
what are we gonna do for entertainers?
Comedians and things like that?
- We'll still have David Letterman. - Yeah, we'll still have David Letterman.
Code Red!
That scumbag tracer is here!
So much for Plan A.
Take them up here. Go!
Come on, move.
Come on, you guys!
- You all right? - Keep going!
Go! Move ahead!
Through there!
Move!
Let's get around this side over here!
When I fire the first shot, I want you to take off and keep going.
Don't worry about me. I'll be all right. You two get going.
Okay, tracker...
time to come out.
I'm hit!
Get him!
I got her! I got the woman!
Okay, tracer!
Drop your weapon!
Right now, or she goes down!
Good.
Come on out.
Nicely!
Mess up the dude's face. Mess it up good!
Step away, Billy D. You'll have your fun in a minute!
How did you manage to sneak past Roy?
People have been sneaking past Roy most of his life. You know that.
None of this had to happen.
If you'd just stayed out of this.
If I go back to prison, I die there.
You two could put me back there, and slam the door forever.
So you tell me...
what choice do I have?
Take them out into the woods.
If these people are going to stand here, pointing guns like this...
I'll have to ask you, are you an organ donor?
Nobody shoots.
Here's the program:
We all walk back to the Cadillac. We all leave, we all live.
I'll let Alex go a few miles down the road. How's that sound to you?
Hold your fire!
I'm going down the hill with these people.
I thought you'd understand.
Move!
They won't let you out of here alive. They're not that stupid.
- I disagree. - You ought to kill me in cold blood!
- Get in the car. - You won't be safe until I'm dead!
Why don't you pull that trigger? I would.
Go! Come on!
We got to get this scumbag.
Catch them!
How you feeling, babe?
Feel like I just had this baby.
Now what are we gonna do?
Right now, you and I are both outlaws.
So unless we wanna go stone criminal...
that means doing bank jobs or blackmail...
or fencing stolen Oriental treasure...
the best thing we could do is go back to see the D. A. In Sacramento...
run this by him, see if we can work it out together.
- You think we can work it out? - I hope so.
But if they won't listen to us and make us run...
we'll just run faster than them.
I hope this thing clears up quickly. I can't wait to open a skip tracer agency.
McGuinn and Nowak.
- Wait just a minute. - All right, Nowak and McGuinn.
We could do TV commercials.
You in that golden blazer of yours, and me in that hot red dress.
Might not be too bad.
I guess it could be Nowak and McGuinn Limited.
"Let us be your fugitive people."
Will they make me give back the dress?
To be honest, if there's any justice on this planet...
they'll never make you give back that red dress.