1 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,427 EAT ME. 2 00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:42,129 [READING TITLES] 3 00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:47,873 WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 4 00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:52,530 "THE UNSINKABLE SCHECKY... 5 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,097 MOSKOWITZ." 6 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:58,580 THE UNSINKABLE SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ? 7 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,713 HUH. 8 00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:14,074 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TRIMARK HOME VIDEO 9 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:22,647 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 10 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,780 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 11 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:28,392 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 12 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,700 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 13 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,397 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE UP HERE 14 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:35,269 ♪ ONE DUNG THERE 15 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,661 ♪ ONE IN HANOVER 16 00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:37,793 ♪ ONE DUNG A VERE 17 00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,577 ♪ ONE SHE'S A LAWYER 18 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:40,883 ♪ ONE SHE'S A DOCTOR 19 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:43,799 ♪ ONE WHA' DE WORK WITH A LITTLE CONTRACTOR ♪ 20 00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,235 ♪ ONE DUNG A EAST 21 00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:46,236 ♪ ONE DUNG A WEST 22 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,803 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE UP NORTH ♪ 23 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,544 ♪ AND 2 DUNG SOUTH 24 00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:50,719 ♪ ONE A-SELL A CIGARETTE 25 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:54,244 ♪ 'PON DE RUN-ABOUT CART, 'EY ♪ 26 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:57,508 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 27 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,945 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 28 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:03,297 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 29 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:06,256 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 30 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,258 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE A GO A SCHOOL ♪ 31 00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:09,303 ♪ ONE GWAN FOOL-FOOL 32 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,565 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE EV'RY TIME ♪ 33 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,654 ♪ ME SAY SHE THINK A SHE RULE ♪ 34 00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:13,568 ♪ ONE SHE A NURSE 35 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,352 ♪ SHE SAY A SHE COME FIRST ♪ 36 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:16,527 ♪ THE ADA NIGHT DEM GOIN' OUT ♪ 37 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,442 ♪ DEM PICK A NEW PURSE 38 00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:19,530 ♪ ONE A SELL STAR 39 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,271 ♪ ONE WORK IN A BAR 40 00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,359 ♪ A SHE CAS' SMILE 41 00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,274 ♪ WHEN DA 2 A DEM MUS' PART ♪ 42 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,623 ♪ ONE GETTI GETTI 43 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:26,798 ♪ ONE FRETTI FRETTI 44 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,887 ♪ AND I'M NAH DRINK NO OTHER MILK ♪ 45 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:29,714 ♪ BUT BETTY 46 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,629 ♪ YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 47 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:34,502 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 48 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:37,722 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 49 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:41,204 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 50 00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,424 ♪ YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 51 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,948 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 52 00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:49,256 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 53 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:53,347 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 54 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:06,534 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 55 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,232 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 56 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:12,235 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 57 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,977 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 58 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,935 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE UP HERE, ONE DUNG HERE ♪ 59 00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,372 ♪ ONE IN HANOVER, ONE DUNG A VERE ♪ 60 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764 ♪ ONE SHE'S A LAWYER, ONE SHE'S A DOCTOR ♪ 61 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,331 ♪ ONE WHA' DE WORK WITH A LITTLE CONTRACTOR ♪ 62 00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:22,680 ♪ ONE DUNG A EAST, ONE DUNG A WEST ♪ 63 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:23,855 ♪ ONE UP NORTH AND ONE DUNG SOUTH ♪ 64 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:27,337 ♪ ONE A GO A SCHOOL, AND ONE FOOL-FOOL ♪ 65 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,470 ♪ YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE 66 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,950 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 67 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:36,216 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 68 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,262 SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ. 69 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,829 SCHECKY'S VERY UGLY. 70 00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:42,831 WHEN I SPEAK TO HIM, I WANT TO VOMIT. 71 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,355 I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM THE OTHER DAY, 72 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,401 AND THERE WAS A--A FOUL SMELL. 73 00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:50,926 HE HAS GREAT CONCEPTS ABOUT LIFE... 74 00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:54,712 BUT I WOULDN'T WANT HIM TO TOUCH ME. 75 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:36,972 HEY, THERE. I'M SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ. 76 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,063 THANK YOU. 77 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:44,936 SEE YOU LATER THERE, MR. CAB DRIVER. 78 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,460 HEY, HOW ARE YA? 79 00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:47,896 WELL, WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE 80 00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:51,378 IS A FICTITIOUS, LOOSELY THROWN TOGETHER STORY 81 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,685 ABOUT A SEA CRUISE WAITER-- ME, RIGHT HERE-- 82 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,471 WHO DREAMS OF BECOMING A STAND-UP COMEDIAN. 83 00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,125 THIS STORY IS BASED ENTIRELY AROUND THE FACT 84 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,824 THAT WE HAD ACCESS TO THIS NICE BIG BOAT HERE 85 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,347 AND A LOT OF GOOD-LOOKING WOMEN... 86 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,523 I MEAN, REALLY GOOD-LOOKING WOMEN... 87 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,351 BEAUTY PAGEANT GIRLS. BEAUTIFUL. 88 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,961 HI. HOLA. 89 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:12,007 HI. HI. 90 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,096 HELLO. HELLO. 91 00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,663 G'DAY. 92 00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:16,533 UNBELIEVABLE. 93 00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:19,536 BEAUTIFUL. VERY CLEAN WOMEN. 94 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,538 [HUMMING] 95 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:24,106 OH. OH, YEAH. I WANTED TO TELL YOU 96 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,674 UM, THIS IS A NO, UM, BUDGET FLICK, 97 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,067 NOT A LOW-BUDGET FLICK. NO BUDGET. 98 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,199 UM, JUST LIKE-- 99 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,375 THIS WOULD BE AN EARTHQUAKE RIGHT HERE. 100 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,508 [RUMBLING] 101 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:38,120 SEE, THAT DIDN'T COST US ANYTHING RIGHT THERE. 102 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:41,558 NOW, ENJOY THE FLICK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 103 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:07,758 Man: ALL ASHORE THAT'S GOING ASHORE. 104 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,849 OH. ALL RIGHT. HERE WE ARE ON THE DECK 105 00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,417 READY TO ROCK 'N' ROLL. START THE PICTURE. 106 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,463 I'M HERE IN MY WAITER SUIT RIGHT NOW, 107 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:20,641 AND--OH, SHOOT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 108 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:26,386 [HORN BLOWS] 109 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:36,134 AH HA HA. NOW THAT'S BETTER, RIGHT HERE. 110 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,878 HEY, WAITER. WHERE'S MY BLOODY MARY? 111 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:41,749 AH, YES. 112 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:42,880 AND MAKE IT BLOODY. 113 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:43,925 AH. YES, SIR. 114 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,927 HEY, ASSHOLE. 115 00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,149 BRING ME ANOTHER ONE. 116 00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:54,414 AH. YES, MA'AM. 117 00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:34,018 [MAN LAUGHING] I'LL TELL YA, 118 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,629 I JUST WENT OUT WITH A GIRL LAST WEEK. 119 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,108 I WAS GOIN' CRAZY. WE WERE DOIN' GOOD. 120 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,241 SHE'S GOIN' CRAZY. SHE'S BITIN' MY NIPPLES. 121 00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,722 SHE'S PULLIN' MY CHEST HAIR, RIGHT? 122 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:42,853 AW. CRAZY, RIGHT? 123 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,768 FINALLY, I GO, "HEY. THIS HAS GOTTA STOP. 124 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,204 I SAID, HEY, MOM." 125 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,510 [WOMEN LAUGH] 126 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:48,511 Man: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 127 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,034 LEMME TELL YOU THIS ONE. ALL RIGHT? 128 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,079 LAST WEDNESDAY, RIGHT? 129 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,341 I'M OVER THIS GUY'S HOUSE, RIGHT? 130 00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,778 WE'RE PLAYING CHESS. YOU KNOW, A GAME OF CHESS. 131 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:55,997 FINALLY, I SAYS, "HEY... 132 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,215 THIS SHIT'S BORING THE SHIT OUTTA ME," RIGHT? 133 00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:58,173 SO, I TOOK THE CHESS PIECE, 134 00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,827 AND I SHOVED IT IN HIS EYE. 135 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:01,611 I SHOVED IT IN HIS EYE. 136 00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:04,614 AND I SAID, "THERE'S FUCKIN' CHESS-EYE FOR YA." 137 00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,224 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 138 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,270 [MAN LAUGHS] 139 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,271 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN', RIGHT? 140 00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:10,272 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN', RIGHT? 141 00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,316 CHECK THIS OUT. I WENT SWIMMING 142 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,579 ON A BOAT THE OTHER MORNING, RIGHT? 143 00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,972 AND I GO OUT SWIMMING, AND MY DICK SHRIVELS UP. 144 00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,670 JESUS CHRIST! YOU KIDDING? 145 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,976 MY PUBLIC HAIR HAD MY PENIS HOSTAGE! 146 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,543 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? [LAUGHS] 147 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,677 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN', RIGHT? 148 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,992 SCHECKY! OH. HI, BOB. 149 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:36,167 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 150 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,865 I'M JUST LISTENING TO THAT GUY OVER THERE. 151 00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,170 Bob: THE GUY WITH THE GIRLS 152 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,084 DROOLING ALL OVER HIM? 153 00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:41,825 Schecky: YEAH. DICKIE DIAMOND. 154 00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,131 THAT'S THE SHIP COMEDIAN. 155 00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:44,567 OH. I GUESS THAT MEANS 156 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:45,568 YOU DIDN'T CONVINCE THE CAPTAIN 157 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,004 TO HIRE YOU AS SHIP COMEDIAN. 158 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:48,310 YEAH. YEAH. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT 159 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,834 "GET OUTTA MY OFFICE YOU NO TALENT LOSER" MEANT. 160 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:52,270 NO. I DIDN'T GET THE JOB. 161 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,576 TOUGH BREAK. 162 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,143 WELL, I'M FUNNIER THAN THAT GUY, DON'T YOU THINK? 163 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:57,711 I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T HEARD HIM. WAIT. 164 00:08:57,754 --> 00:09:00,278 I GOT THIS CHICK, RIGHT? SHE'S...GOT A SCISSOR-- 165 00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,106 LIKE A FUCKIN' WRESTLER OR SOMETHING, RIGHT-- 166 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,195 SHE'S GOT A SCISSOR HOLD ON MY NECK, RIGHT? 167 00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:05,849 I'M CHOKIN', I'M FUCKIN' DYING. 168 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:07,285 FINALLY, I SAID, "HEY, GRANDMA, 169 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,287 TAKE YOUR FUCKIN' VARICOSE STICKS 170 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,985 OFF MY NECK, WILL YA? 171 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,640 [LAUGHS] 172 00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,909 OH. THAT GUY'S PRETTY FUNNY, SCHECK. 173 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:24,259 OH, MAN. THE GUY'S TALKING ABOUT INCEST. 174 00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:26,130 THAT'S NOT FUNNY. THE GUY NEEDS HELP. 175 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,697 I COULD GET LAUGHS WITH THAT. 176 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,960 THE GUY PROBABLY FARTS ONSTAGE, TOO. 177 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,615 HEY. PULL MY FINGER. PULL MY FINGER. 178 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,703 PFFT. [LAUGHS] 179 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,140 [FARTING SOUNDS AND LAUGHING] 180 00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,709 ALL MY LIFE, I JUST WANTED TO GET ONSTAGE 181 00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:40,841 AND MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, 182 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,233 BUT NOBODY GIVES ME A CHANCE AROUND HERE. 183 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,235 I'M FUNNY. I MEAN, I JUST WANT THEM 184 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:45,367 TO HEAR WHAT I GOTTA SAY. 185 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:46,760 I GOT CERTAIN THINGS I WANNA TALK ABOUT. 186 00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,631 MAYBE THEY'D BE INTERESTED IN HEARING, YOU KNOW? 187 00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,720 Man: WAITER GUY! MY WIFE'S THROWIN' UP! 188 00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:53,331 QUICK. GET ME A TOWEL! 189 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,899 SORRY. I'M ON BREAK. 190 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:07,084 HEY! HEY! HOW ARE YA? I DIDN'T SEE YA THERE. 191 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,913 UM, WELL, LET'S SEE. WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE WERE WE? 192 00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,960 AFTER I FINISHED CLEANING UP THAT LADY'S VOMIT, 193 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,744 UM, I WORKED A FEW MORE HOURS 194 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,006 AND THEN I TOOK A LITTLE BREAK, 195 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,878 AND DURING THAT BREAK I WROTE A FEW NEW JOKES, 196 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,922 AND I THINK THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD. 197 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,271 I'M VERY HAPPY WITH MYSELF RIGHT NOW. 198 00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,143 SEE, WHAT I'M GONNA DO, I'M GONNA ASK 199 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,014 THE BIG COMEDIAN, DICKIE DIAMOND, 200 00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:25,146 IF I CAN OPEN UP FOR HIM-- 201 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,190 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 202 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,322 WHOA. WHAT, YOU HEAR THAT? 203 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,759 I BET THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND, BOB. 204 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:30,934 HEY, SCHECKY. 205 00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,675 HEY. WHO YOU TALKIN' TO? 206 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,895 I BEEN TALKIN' TO THAT CAMERA RIGHT THERE. 207 00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:37,941 OH. SO, YOU READY FOR WORK? 208 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:38,986 I AM READY FOR WORK, 209 00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:40,465 BUT I WAS WONDERIN' BEFORE WE GO, 210 00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:42,032 YOU THINK I COULD JUST RUN A FEW THINGS BY YOU, 211 00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:44,165 A FEW JOKES--JUST, LIKE, A LITTLE IMPROVISATION? 212 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,167 YOU GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION, ALL RIGHT? 213 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,385 NO PROBLEM. WHOO-HOO. 214 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,256 I'M ALL AUDIENCE. 215 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,300 ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO, THEN. 216 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,693 ALL RIGHT. HEY. 217 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,695 HOW YOU GUYS DOIN' OUT THERE TONIGHT? 218 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,088 FINE. OH, HO, HO, HO. 219 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,829 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PAL? WHERE YOU FROM? 220 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:56,960 BOB FROM CALIFORNIA. 221 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,788 BOB FROM CALIFORNIA? WHOA! 222 00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:00,137 BOB FROM CALIFORNIA. BOB. 223 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,487 [LAUGHS] BOB FROM CALIFORNIA! 224 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,054 WHOO! 225 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:06,666 Bob: YEAH. 226 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,319 I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING FUNNY. 227 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,452 WAS THAT PART OF YOUR ACT? 228 00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:14,064 NO. I--JEEZ. I STINK AT THIS. I'M NOT FUNNY. 229 00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,719 NOT TRUE. I THINK YOU'RE VERY FUNNY. 230 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,416 I THINK YOU'RE FUNNY NATURALLY. 231 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,896 AS SOON AS YOU GET UP ONSTAGE, 232 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:20,897 PEOPLE ARE GONNA LAUGH. 233 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,943 ARE YOU EVER GONNA GET ON A STAGE? 234 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:25,728 HOPEFULLY, BECAUSE I'M GONNA ASK 235 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:26,947 MR. DICKIE DIAMOND 236 00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,426 IF I CAN OPEN UP FOR HIM ONE OF THESE NIGHTS. 237 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,863 REALLY? YEAH. 238 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,429 OH. WE BETTER GET OUTTA HERE, 239 00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,170 'CAUSE DICKIE DIAMOND'S DOIN' HIS AFTERNOON SET ON THE DECK. 240 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,868 SO, LET'S GO AND CHECK THAT OUT. 241 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,174 RIGHT. [CLAPS] 242 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,873 I'LL TELL YOU. SOMETIMES, IT GETS REALLY, REALLY HOT, 243 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,875 YOU KNOW, IN L.A. NOTHING MOVES ON YOUR WHOLE BODY. 244 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,354 THE ONLY THING THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY MOVE 245 00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,182 IS YOUR MIDDLE FINGER. THAT'S IT. 246 00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:46,880 [ALL LAUGH] 247 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:47,924 FUCK YOU! THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO. 248 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,491 HEY, BUDDY. RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE. 249 00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:51,972 I MEAN, I'M SORRY. SOMETIMES, IT GETS SO HOT 250 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,190 YOU'RE JUST DRIVIN' IN YOUR CAR, 251 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,192 AND YOU'RE--YOU'RE IN A HUMAN MICROWAVE NOW. 252 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:56,280 YOU'RE IN YOUR CAR, 253 00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,281 YOU'RE FLIPPIN' OFF EVERYBODY, RIGHT? 254 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,935 YOU'RE JUST PISSED OFF, FLIPPIN'. 255 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:00,328 IF THIS WAS A KNIFE, I'D POKE YOU 256 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:01,546 RIGHT IN THE EYE, BUDDY, YOU KNOW? 257 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:03,461 I'M DRIVIN', I'M-- FINALLY, THAT'S IT. 258 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:04,724 I'M WAY TOO HOT NOW, RIGHT? 259 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:07,030 I SAID, "I'M GOIN' TO GET SOMETHING TO DRINK." 260 00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,031 I GO. I GET A 6-PACK. 261 00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:09,293 I'M DRINKIN'. I'M DRIVIN', RIGHT? 262 00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,034 COP PULLS ME OVER. HE SAYS, "ARE YOU DRINKIN'?" 263 00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,949 OF COURSE, I'M FUCKIN' DRINKIN'. 264 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:15,038 WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? 265 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,475 IT'S FUCKIN' HOT. [LAUGHS] 266 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,216 HEY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 267 00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:20,261 BUNNY MILLER. 268 00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,871 BUNNY MILLER. IS THAT A JEWISH NAME? 269 00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:23,438 BOY. A NICE JEWISH NAME LIKE THAT. 270 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,396 SO, WHERE'D YOUR MOTHER POP YOU OUT? 271 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,397 WHAT? 272 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:27,616 [LAUGHS] 273 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,792 WHERE'D YOU BURST YOUR BAG, BUNNY? COME ON. 274 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,533 I'M SORRY. 275 00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,361 OH, YOU'RE SORRY. BUNNY, COME ON, 276 00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,929 IT'S NOT A FUCKING GENIUS QUESTION HERE. 277 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,321 [LAUGHS] 278 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,106 [BUZZER SOUND] YOU LOSE, BUN. GUESS WHAT? YOU LOSE. 279 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,150 YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO LOSERS? 280 00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:42,152 YOU GET YOUR BATHING SUIT RIPPED OFF 281 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:45,416 AND SHOVED UP YOUR ASS. [LAUGHS] 282 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,592 HEY, HEY, HEY. WHY DON'T YOU JUST... 283 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,159 LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE 284 00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,334 AND STICK TO YOUR COMEDY? 285 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,120 OH-OH. MR. HECKLER. MR. BIG MAN FROM HELL. 286 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,469 THE HELL HECKLER IS HERE, FOLKS. 287 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:57,167 OH, MY GOD. LOOK. HE'S SO BIG. 288 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,473 ALL I'M SAYIN' 289 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:01,084 IS WHY DON'T YOU JUST LAY OFF THE GIRL? 290 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,607 LAY THE GIRL? THAT'S A SICK THING, MAN. 291 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,131 THAT'S A SICK THING. RIGHT IN FRONT 292 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,480 OF ALL THESE PEOPLE TO LAY THE GIRL? 293 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:06,829 THAT'S REALLY A SICK THING. 294 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,396 [LAUGHS] OK, FINE. 295 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:11,138 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT YOU. 296 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:12,400 [LAUGHS] 297 00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,054 OH. OH. 298 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,098 [APPLAUSE] 299 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:18,362 [HUMMING] 300 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,582 I TELL YOU. THERE'S NOTHING HEAVIER 301 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,323 THAN A DEAD COMEDIAN. 302 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,454 [ALL LAUGH] 303 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,368 Schecky: THANK YOU. 304 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,066 UM, I WAS TALKING TO MY FATHER 305 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,023 THE OTHER DAY ON THE PHONE, 306 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,329 AND HE SAID TO ME, "SCHECKY"-- 307 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,070 UM, HE CALLS ME "SCHECKY" 'CAUSE THAT'S MY NAME, 308 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,289 AND I DON'T ANSWER TO "BOB" MUCH. BAA. 309 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,290 HE SAID, "UH, SCHECKY, 310 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,335 "I WANT YOU TO MARRY A GIRL 311 00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,423 WITH THE SAME BELIEF AS THE FAMILY," 312 00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,424 AND I WAS KINDA, LIKE, 313 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,904 "UH, DAD, WHY SHOULD I MARRY A GIRL 314 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,035 WHO THINKS I'M A SHMUCK?" 315 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,124 HUH? HEY. THANK YOU. 316 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,256 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 317 00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:43,953 ALL RIGHT. WELL, MY NAME IS, UH, SCHECKY, 318 00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,607 AND MY FATHER'S NAME IS SCHECKY, ALSO. 319 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,000 HAVING A NAME AS YOUR FATHER, 320 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,176 THE SAME NAME, THAT'S-- THAT'S VERY WEIRD, YOU KNOW? 321 00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:50,873 IT WAS ALL RIGHT TILL MY VOICE CHANGED. 322 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,005 MY FRIENDS WOULD CALL UP AND SAY, 323 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,093 "HI. IS SCHECKY THERE?" 324 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,137 MY FATHER WOULD SAY, "THIS IS SCHECKY." 325 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,269 MY FRIENDS WOULD SAY, "HEY, SCHECKY. 326 00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,227 YOU WERE SO WASTED LAST NIGHT." 327 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:59,839 [LAUGHS] 328 00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:06,367 [LAUGHS] 329 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:12,982 ALL RIGHT. NOW, LOOK. 330 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,070 LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. 331 00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,158 ON YOUR LAST TOUR, 332 00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,203 WE SOLD AT LEAST A MILLION 333 00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:18,335 CROAKER T-SHIRTS-- A MILLION OF 'EM. 334 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:19,380 SO WE DID 100,000 335 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,904 ON THE CROAKER SPIKED ARM BRACELETS, 336 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,384 BUT I STILL THINK IT WOULD BE 337 00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,473 IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO APPROVE-- 338 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:28,302 APPROVE THE--THE-- THE ACTION DOLL 339 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:29,346 FOR YOUR YOUNGER AUDIENCE, 340 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,566 FOR THE 9-YEAR-OLDS, THE 10-YEAR-OLDS 341 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:32,610 AND--AND SUCH FORTH. 342 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:33,611 YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT 343 00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,178 TO BE NO FUCKIN' BARBIE DOLL, MORT. 344 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,310 THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR MY IMAGE, MAN. 345 00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:37,920 NO. CROAKIE, COME ON. LISTEN TO ME, MAN. 346 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:40,401 LISTEN TO ME, BABY. YOU LISTENING? 347 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,315 I'M LISTENIN'. 348 00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,707 OK, 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE 349 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:43,926 YOU'RE LISTENING TO ME. 350 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,058 WHAT DO I GOTTA DO? 351 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,363 SHOVE MY FUCKIN' EAR AGAINST YOUR MOUTH? 352 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:49,279 ALL RIGHT, CROAKIE. JUST LISTEN TO ME. 353 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,367 WE NEED THE DOLL. 354 00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:53,066 LAST APRIL, YOU TRASHED 4 PORSCHES 355 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,241 AND ONE HARLEY DAVIDSON. 356 00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:56,678 THE HOTEL THAT YOU BURNED DOWN IS SUING US. 357 00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:59,463 THEY'RE SUING US. WE NEED THE DOLL. 358 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:00,377 WE NEED IT. 359 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:02,379 WHY NOT A POSTER? 360 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,468 WHY NOT A LUNCHBOX OR SOMETHIN'? 361 00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:06,209 WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A BARBIE? 362 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,515 IT'S NOT A BARBIE DOLL... 363 00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:10,387 IT'S A FUCKING ACTION FIGURE, CROAKER! 364 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,388 AN ACTION FIGURE! 365 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,564 IT'S LIKE A-- LIKE A RAMBO DOLL 366 00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,044 OR LIKE ONE OF THOSE, UM... 367 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,698 THOSE--THOSE TRANSFORMER THINGS 368 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:17,568 YOU'RE SO NUTS ABOUT. 369 00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,048 IT'S--IT'S AN ACTION FIGURE. 370 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:24,271 IT'S MACHO. IT'S MACHO, CROAKIE, MACHO. 371 00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,447 CROAKER, I TALKED TO SAUL. 372 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:31,365 SAUL SAYS WE CAN MAKE 40 MILLION OFF OF IT. 373 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:32,366 40 MILLION? 374 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:34,020 40 MILLION. 375 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,282 4-D MILLION? 376 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,066 40 MILLION. 377 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,593 ACTION FIGURE, HUH? 378 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:45,074 YEAH. 379 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:47,076 THAT'S COOL, MAN. THAT'S COOL... 380 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,123 BUT MAKE SURE IT AIN'T SMILIN'. 381 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,777 YES! ALL RIGHT NOW, WAITER! 382 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,257 AH. YOU SEE, THESE GUYS 383 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:55,998 HAVE NOTHIN' TO DO WITH THIS FLICK, 384 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:56,868 BUT WE THREW 'EM IN 385 00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:57,782 JUST FOR A LITTLE VARIETY... 386 00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,262 WHATEVER THAT MEANS, HUH? 387 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:00,437 MAY I HELP YOU GUYS? 388 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,222 YEAH. DRINKS ALL AROUND, MAN. 389 00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,311 BAMBI, WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU TO DRINK? 390 00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:07,531 UM, ACTUALLY, I HAVE AN AEROBICS CLASS, 391 00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:11,361 SO, UM, I'M GONNA TAKE A RAIN MAN ON THAT. 392 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:14,321 OH, GOD! I MEAN, A RAIN CHECK. 393 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:17,498 NO PROBLEM, BABE. 394 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,639 MAN, OH, MAN. 395 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:31,164 I NEVER GET SICK OF THAT, MAN. 396 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:32,426 CAN I, UH, GET YOU A DRINK? 397 00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:35,342 YEAH. GET ME ONE OF THEM, UH, TROPICAL DRINKS 398 00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:38,171 WITH, LIKE, UH, LEVELS TO THEM 399 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,434 AND AN UMBRELLA AND FRUIT. 400 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,566 OH. WELL, UM, THEY COME IN 2 FLAVORS. 401 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:45,047 YOU CAN HAVE 'EM GREEN OR BLACK. 402 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,309 BLACK. 403 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,137 AND CAN I GET YOU ONE? 404 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:49,095 HUH? 405 00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:49,965 A DRINK? 406 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,140 YEAH--YEAH. WHAT--WHATEVER. 407 00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:52,837 SAY, YOU KNOW, I USED TO WORK 408 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,404 UH, AS A WAITER ONCE... 409 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,624 BACK BEFORE I WAS A MULTI-BILLIONAIRE. 410 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,365 Mort: MILLIONAIRE, CROAKER. 411 00:16:58,408 --> 00:16:59,496 MILLIONAIRE, BABY. 412 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,715 MILLIONAIRE. 413 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,195 IT WAS AT ONE OF THESE RIB RESTAURANTS, MAN, 414 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:06,460 AND, UH, I--IT WAS, LIKE, I'D HAVE TO TOUCH 415 00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:09,202 ALL THESE PEOPLE'S CHEWED UP FOOD, 416 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:12,509 AND IT WOULD GET STUCK UNDERNEATH MY FINGERNAILS, MAN, 417 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,208 AND IT WOULD JUST SIT THERE FOR DAYS 418 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,079 AND IT WOULD STINK. 419 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,168 I HATED THAT JOB, MAN. 420 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,127 Both: EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. 421 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,867 CAN WE PLEASE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? 422 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:23,694 PLEASE? 423 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,523 ALL RIGHT! YO! CHICKS, MAN. 424 00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:30,701 MMM. I'LL SIGN AUTOGRAPHS FOR YOU BITCHES, MAN. 425 00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,790 JUST SAY, "TO PAMMY AND LIZ, 426 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:35,706 YOU WERE GREAT LAST NIGHT. LOVE, CROAKER." 427 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,665 ALL RIGHT! 428 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:40,885 HEY, MORT. MORT. HOW DO YOU SPELL-- 429 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,844 HOW DO YOU SPELL "GREAT," MAN? 430 00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:46,717 G-R-E-A-T. 431 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:49,677 ALL RIGHT. 432 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,288 THANK YOU. 433 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,551 YOU, UH--YOU IN A BAND OR SOMETHIN'? 434 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:58,251 YEAH, MAN. I'M THE LEAD SINGER FOR YELLOW TEETH. 435 00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,644 WE HAD THE NUMBER ONE SONG LAST WEEK, 436 00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,603 I WANNA SLAP YOUR CAT. 437 00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,345 ♪ I WANNA SLAP YOUR CAT ♪ 438 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,435 ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT 439 00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,524 I'LL GO GET YOU THAT DRINK, ALL RIGHT? 440 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:11,829 ALL RIGHT. OK. 441 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,701 WHOA. THAT GUY'S PUNKED IN THE HEAD RIGHT THERE. 442 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,137 I--I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. 443 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,139 WHY DO SLEAZY GUYS LIKE THAT GET CHICKS? 444 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,141 JUST 'CAUSE THEY GET MILLIONS AND MILLIONS 445 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:22,275 OF DOLLARS? IT MAKES ME SICK. 446 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:25,843 IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS... 447 00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:28,759 ACTUALLY, I WOULD TAKE A HUNDRED AND BURY IT 448 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,588 AND HOPEFULLY, SOMEBODY POOR WOULD FIND IT. 449 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,156 IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS... 450 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,767 I WOULD BUY ANOTHER FUR COAT. 451 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,465 SPEND IT ON CLOTHES. 452 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,641 PUT IT IN THE BANK AND THINK ABOUT IT. 453 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,164 I'D PUT IT IN THE BANK. 454 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,383 IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS, 455 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:46,429 THE FIRST THING I'D BUY WOULD BE A MERCEDES. 456 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:47,909 I WOULD BUY OUT CLEARASIL 457 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,432 SO I COULD POP EVERYBODY'S PIMPLES 458 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:52,609 BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET RID OF THEM. 459 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,437 MMM. PUS. 460 00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:57,527 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 461 00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,964 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 462 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:03,229 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 463 00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:06,188 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND THE WORLDIE ♪ 464 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,668 ♪ I'M 'AVE ONE UP HERE, ONE DUNG THERE ♪ 465 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,365 ♪ ONE IN HANOVER, ONE DUNG A VERE ♪ 466 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:10,671 ♪ ONE'S YOUR LAWYER, ONE'S YOUR DOCTOR ♪ 467 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,281 ♪ ONE WHA' DEY WORK WITH A LITTLE CONTRACTOR ♪ 468 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,456 ♪ ONE DUNG A EAST, ONE DUNG A WEST ♪ 469 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,197 ♪ ONE UP NORTH AND 2 DUNG A-SOUTH ♪ 470 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,895 ♪ ONE A GO A SCHOOL AND ONE FOOL-FOOL ♪ 471 00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:20,376 ♪ YOU'RE TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 472 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,639 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND DE WORLDIE ♪ 473 00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,947 ♪ YOUNG MAN, YOU TOO GIRLIE GIRLIE ♪ 474 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:29,255 ♪ YOU JUS' A FLASH IT ROUND THE WORLDIE ♪ 475 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,735 ♪ A BIG FAT ONE WHO'S A GO-GO DANCER ♪ 476 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:34,956 ♪ A LITTLE SLIM ONE WHO'S A RADIO ANNOUNCER ♪ 477 00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:37,393 ♪ ONE ITEY-TITEY ONE FIGHTIE-FIGHTIE ♪ 478 00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:40,831 ♪ AND BEFORE I'M GROW OLD, I'M WANT ONE IN NORTH POLE ♪ 479 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,268 ♪ ONE INA LONDON, ONE INA JAPAN ♪ 480 00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:43,834 ♪ ONE INA SCOTLAND, ONE INA FINLAND ♪ 481 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,009 ♪ ONE INA TAIWAN, ONE INA IOWA ♪ 482 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,837 ♪ AN' ONE INA GREENLAND ONE INA ICELAND ♪ 483 00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:49,536 ♪ ONE INA CANADA, ONE UGANDA ♪ 484 00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:50,841 HEY, THERE. HI. 485 00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,974 UM, WELL, I GOT OFF WORK A LITTLE EARLY TONIGHT, 486 00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,671 SO, I FIGURED I'D HANG OUT AT THE BAR 487 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:55,933 WITH MY GOOD FRIEND BOB, HERE. 488 00:19:55,977 --> 00:19:57,805 UM, WHAT THESE GUYS ARE DOIN' HERE, 489 00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,154 I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA, 490 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,938 BUT I--I REALLY CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING, NOW, CAN I? 491 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:02,026 I JUST FINISHED UP 492 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,985 TELLIN' BOB THIS JOKE ABOUT A FARMER. 493 00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,683 LET'S SEE HOW HE REACTS TO IT, ALL RIGHT? 494 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,902 I DON'T GET IT, SCHECKY. 495 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:11,558 I--THE FARMER WEARS THE CONDOM FOR 8 YEARS. 496 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:12,646 EXPLAIN IT TO ME. 497 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,865 [CLEARS THROAT] I DON'T KNOW, 498 00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:16,432 AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. 499 00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:17,433 I GUESS I MUST HAVE 500 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:18,695 TOLD THE JOKE WRONG OR SOMETHING. 501 00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:19,392 AH. 502 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,958 HA HA. I GOT IT, MAN. 503 00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,613 I THOUGHT THAT JOKE WAS REALLY FUNNY. 504 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:24,484 REALLY? 505 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:27,313 YEAH. [LAUGHS] 506 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,705 HEY. DID I EVER TELL YOU 507 00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,968 THAT I USED TO BE A WAITER ONCE? 508 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,100 YOU WERE? 509 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,755 YEAH. IT WAS AT THIS RESTAURANT, MAN... 510 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,409 AND I HATED THAT JOB, MAN, 511 00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:38,933 BECAUSE I HAD TO TOUCH ALL THESE PEOPLE'S 512 00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:40,500 CHEWED UP FOOD. 513 00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,023 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO? 514 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:42,893 WHAT? 515 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,417 I WOULD GO INTO THE BATHROOM 516 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,983 DURING MY SHIFT, 517 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,290 AND I'D DO A NUMBER 2... 518 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,291 YEAH? 519 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:54,078 AND I WOULDN'T WASH MY HANDS, MAN. 520 00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,819 [LAUGHS] 521 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:57,691 I THINK THAT'S ILLEGAL, MAN. 522 00:20:57,734 --> 00:21:01,695 [LAUGHS] 523 00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,566 HI, CROAKER. 524 00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,525 HEY, BABE. 525 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,657 HEY. WHO'S THE OTHER BABE? 526 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:09,050 THIS IS MY FRIEND, BLUEBELL 527 00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,400 I BROUGHT ALONG FOR YOUR FRIEND, MORT, 528 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:12,575 LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO. 529 00:21:12,619 --> 00:21:13,315 ALL RIGHT. 530 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:14,751 JESUS CHRIST, CROAKIE. 531 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,363 WHAT ARE YOU--YOU-- YOU PAYING CHICKS 532 00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:18,189 TO BE WITH ME AGAIN? 533 00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,321 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'? 534 00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,322 YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW 535 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:21,454 THAT YOU PAY 'EM TO SLEEP WITH ME? 536 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,412 I'M NOT PAYIN' ANYBODY, MAN. 537 00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:25,066 SHE WANTS YOU. CHECK IT OUT. 538 00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:28,069 OK. THIS IS THE GUY I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH... 539 00:21:28,112 --> 00:21:30,637 TO GET TO CROAKER? 540 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:31,551 UNH. 541 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:35,076 OK. COME ON. COME ON. LET'S GO. 542 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,339 WELL, THIS IS GREAT. 543 00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:38,775 THIS IS GREAT. 544 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:42,431 ROCK ON, MAN. ROCK 'N' ROLL. 545 00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:45,129 [LAUGHS] 546 00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:47,828 HEY, HEY. HEY, IS SOMETHIN' WRONG? 547 00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:49,046 AH. NO. 548 00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:51,005 AH. COME ON. 549 00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:52,702 AH. WELL, YEAH. 550 00:21:52,746 --> 00:21:54,965 WELL, SOMETHIN' A LITTLE, I GUESS. 551 00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,053 UM... 552 00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:58,099 WOMEN DON'T LIKE ME, AND I'M NOT FUNNY. 553 00:21:58,142 --> 00:22:01,624 THAT'S NOT TRUE. YOU'RE VERY FUNNY. 554 00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:04,148 WELL, YEAH, MAYBE. I'M--I'M DEFINITELY 555 00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:06,412 STILL GONNA ASK DICKIE DIAMOND 556 00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:09,023 IF I CAN OPEN UP FOR HIM. 557 00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:13,549 BOB? 558 00:22:13,593 --> 00:22:14,376 YEAH? 559 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:15,986 AM I AT ALL GOOD-LOOKING? 560 00:22:16,030 --> 00:22:18,424 YEAH. YEAH. YOU LOOK FINE. 561 00:22:18,467 --> 00:22:19,425 WELL, SERIOUSLY, I MEAN, 562 00:22:19,468 --> 00:22:20,817 WHO DO YOU THINK IS BETTER LOOKING, 563 00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:21,862 ME OR YOU? 564 00:22:21,905 --> 00:22:22,776 [LAUGHS] 565 00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:25,648 WELL, THAT'S EASY. I MEAN, ME. 566 00:22:27,607 --> 00:22:29,043 [SIGHS] 567 00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:33,700 I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU, WAITER BOY. 568 00:22:33,743 --> 00:22:36,093 YOUR NAME IS BOB, ISN'T IT? 569 00:22:36,137 --> 00:22:38,531 YES, IT IS. IT'S BOB. 570 00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:41,403 I THINK WE SHOULD GO LOOK AT THE MOON TOGETHER, 571 00:22:41,447 --> 00:22:42,752 DON'T YOU? 572 00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:43,971 YES, I DO. 573 00:22:44,014 --> 00:22:48,497 I THINK THAT'S A VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD IDEA. 574 00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:50,543 SEE YA LATER, SCHECKY. 575 00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:04,992 UH, HI. 576 00:23:05,035 --> 00:23:07,734 WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? 577 00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:09,431 I JUST MEAN "HI". 578 00:23:09,475 --> 00:23:10,693 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 579 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:12,521 CAN'T A GIRL COME INTO A BAR 580 00:23:12,565 --> 00:23:13,696 AND HAVE SOME PEACE? 581 00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,699 OH. ALL I SAID WAS "HI". 582 00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:17,657 [SIGHS] 583 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:20,921 YEAH? WELL, FUCK YOU. 584 00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:33,107 HEY, BEERTENDER. GIMME A BREW, WILL YA? 585 00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:36,502 [FARTS] 586 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:39,809 HEY. YOU'RE--YOU'RE DICKIE DIAMOND. 587 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:42,246 YOU'RE THE SHIP COMEDIAN. 588 00:23:42,290 --> 00:23:46,773 YEAH. THAT'S ME. DICKIE DIAMOND. 589 00:23:47,817 --> 00:23:49,863 HEY, MAN. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 590 00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:51,604 YOU'RE THAT PSYCHO WAITER 591 00:23:51,647 --> 00:23:53,910 THAT KEEPS WATCHING ME FROM THE AUDIENCE. 592 00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:55,869 OH, YEAH. I AM A WAITER HERE, 593 00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:57,566 BUT, UM, ACTUALLY, UM, 594 00:23:57,610 --> 00:23:59,481 I'M A STAND-UP COMEDIAN, TOO. 595 00:23:59,525 --> 00:24:00,613 I DO STAND-UP. YEAH. 596 00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:02,484 I'M JUST BEING A WAITER HERE UNTIL I-- 597 00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,921 I'M NOT GETTIN' STAGE TIME QUITE YET. 598 00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:06,009 THAT'S GREAT, KID. 599 00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:07,271 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TELLIN' ME FOR? 600 00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:10,710 WELL, I WAS JUST WONDERIN'... 601 00:24:10,753 --> 00:24:14,757 MAYBE, UM, I COULD OPEN UP FOR YOU 602 00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:16,063 JUST ONE NIGHT HERE. 603 00:24:16,106 --> 00:24:19,588 [LAUGHS] 604 00:24:19,632 --> 00:24:22,504 OPEN UP FOR DICKIE DIAMOND, HUH? 605 00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:23,592 [LAUGHS] 606 00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:24,811 KID, WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? 607 00:24:24,854 --> 00:24:26,856 THE FUCKING TONIGHT SHOW? IT'S A BOAT. 608 00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:28,641 YEAH. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. 609 00:24:28,684 --> 00:24:29,729 I WAS JUST WONDERING-- 610 00:24:29,772 --> 00:24:31,295 WELL, ALL I'M SAYING IS MAYBE I COULD-- 611 00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:32,993 LET ME--LET ME JUST, UH, TELL YOU 612 00:24:33,036 --> 00:24:33,950 A FEW OF MY JOKES. 613 00:24:33,994 --> 00:24:35,169 I'LL TELL YOU A FEW OF MY JOKES. 614 00:24:35,212 --> 00:24:36,779 MAYBE--I DON'T KNOW--LISTEN. 615 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:38,085 UM, ALL RIGHT. 616 00:24:38,128 --> 00:24:40,000 THERE'S THIS FAT OLD LADY, 617 00:24:40,043 --> 00:24:41,697 AND SHE WALKS INTO THIS BAR, 618 00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,743 AND SHE'S COUGHING. [COUGHS] 619 00:24:43,786 --> 00:24:44,918 SHE'S REALLY COUGHING LOUD, 620 00:24:44,961 --> 00:24:45,875 AND SHE DOESN'T-- 621 00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,311 WHOA. WHOA. WHOA, KID. YOU KNOW, 622 00:24:47,355 --> 00:24:48,617 YOU'RE PROBABLY A REALLY, REALLY FUNNY GUY, YOU KNOW? 623 00:24:48,661 --> 00:24:50,532 I CAN TELL JUST BY THE WAY YOU'RE TELLING IT 624 00:24:50,576 --> 00:24:52,012 YOU PROBABLY ARE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 625 00:24:52,055 --> 00:24:53,753 I JUST CAME DOWN HERE TO WAIT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND, 626 00:24:53,796 --> 00:24:55,189 TO HAVE A BEER, RELAX A LITTLE BIT, 627 00:24:55,232 --> 00:24:57,060 NOT SIT AT THE BAR AND HEAR SOME DUMB ASS COMIC 628 00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:59,323 TELL ME SOME STUPID, FUCKING JOKES, ALL RIGHT? 629 00:24:59,367 --> 00:25:01,238 OH, MAN. I WASN'T TRYING TO-- 630 00:25:01,282 --> 00:25:02,196 UH, I KNOW THAT-- 631 00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,327 I JUST WAS WONDERING IF I COULD-- 632 00:25:03,371 --> 00:25:05,155 ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS MAYBE I COULD GO UP 633 00:25:05,199 --> 00:25:07,157 ONE NIGHT, YOU KNOW? YOU'RE--YOU'RE-- 634 00:25:07,201 --> 00:25:08,811 JUST GO UP AND OPEN UP FOR YOU. 635 00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:09,682 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 636 00:25:09,725 --> 00:25:10,944 LISTEN, KID, I--I DON'T CARE. 637 00:25:10,987 --> 00:25:12,902 I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. YOU GET THAT? 638 00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:15,992 I DON'T CARE. I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK 639 00:25:16,036 --> 00:25:18,255 WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. ALL RIGHT? GREAT. 640 00:25:18,299 --> 00:25:19,866 YEAH. YEAH. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'. 641 00:25:19,909 --> 00:25:21,737 I--I'M SORRY IF I'M BUGGIN' YOU, 642 00:25:21,781 --> 00:25:23,130 BUT ALL I WANTED TO DO-- 643 00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:24,348 I MEAN, I WORK ON THE SHIP, TOO. 644 00:25:24,392 --> 00:25:26,568 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD JUST LET ME 645 00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:27,656 GO UP FOR A FEW MINUTES. 646 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:29,310 KID, I DON'T CARE. 647 00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:31,834 I'M NOT TRYIN' TO ASK ANYTHING 648 00:25:31,878 --> 00:25:33,227 THAT BIG OF A DEAL. 649 00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:34,141 ALL I WANT TO DO 650 00:25:34,184 --> 00:25:35,577 IS JUST MAYBE OPEN UP FOR YOU. 651 00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:36,970 I MEAN, I'M NOT-- 652 00:25:37,013 --> 00:25:39,755 I DON'T CARE! 653 00:25:42,802 --> 00:25:43,672 HEY. 654 00:25:43,716 --> 00:25:44,934 HI, DICKIE. 655 00:25:44,978 --> 00:25:45,892 WHERE WERE YOU, BABY? 656 00:25:45,935 --> 00:25:47,850 IN THE BATHROOM, THINKING OF YOU. 657 00:25:47,894 --> 00:25:49,069 OH, THAT'S CUTE. COME ON. 658 00:25:49,112 --> 00:25:50,940 WHY DON'T YOU GIVE MR. GIGGLES A LITTLE KISS? 659 00:25:50,984 --> 00:25:52,725 NOT IN FRONT OF THAT PERVERT. 660 00:25:52,768 --> 00:25:54,248 DID THIS GUY SAY SOMETHING TO YOU? 661 00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:57,730 NAH. HE JUST TRIED TO PICK UP ON ME BIG TIME. 662 00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:58,861 STAND BACK. 663 00:25:58,905 --> 00:26:00,863 DID YOU SAY SOMETHING TO MY GIRLFRIEND? 664 00:26:00,907 --> 00:26:01,995 NO, MAN. I-- 665 00:26:02,038 --> 00:26:03,213 I THINK YOU DID, MAN. 666 00:26:03,257 --> 00:26:04,345 OOF! 667 00:26:04,388 --> 00:26:07,740 THERE'S YOUR PUNCH LINE, YOU STUPID FUCK. 668 00:26:13,659 --> 00:26:15,617 OH, MAN. 669 00:26:16,313 --> 00:26:19,839 THAT GUY IS UN-COOL. 670 00:26:19,882 --> 00:26:22,668 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY... 671 00:26:22,711 --> 00:26:24,278 BEHIND THE MASK OF A CLOWN 672 00:26:24,321 --> 00:26:27,586 LIES A TRAIL OF TEARS. 673 00:26:29,196 --> 00:26:34,114 WOW. MY JAW IS KILLIN' ME. 674 00:26:34,157 --> 00:26:35,637 SCHECKY... 675 00:26:35,681 --> 00:26:36,812 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME 676 00:26:36,856 --> 00:26:37,813 AND GO TO BED? 677 00:26:37,857 --> 00:26:40,642 YEAH. ALL RIGHT. I'LL JUST GO HOME 678 00:26:40,686 --> 00:26:44,951 AND GO TO BED ALONE. AGAIN. 679 00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:20,116 I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP. I'M TOO DEPRESSED. 680 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:24,468 I WONDER WHERE I'LL BE IN, LIKE, 681 00:27:24,512 --> 00:27:26,166 IN, LIKE, 10 YEARS. 682 00:27:26,209 --> 00:27:27,515 IN 10 YEARS FROM NOW, 683 00:27:27,558 --> 00:27:30,431 I WILL BE A TV BROADCASTER ON A TELEVISION STATION. 684 00:27:30,474 --> 00:27:33,695 I WILL BE MARRIED AND HAVE 2 CHILDREN. 685 00:27:33,739 --> 00:27:35,958 I HOPE TO BE FIRMLY ESTABLISHED 686 00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:37,003 IN MY CAREER, 687 00:27:37,046 --> 00:27:40,136 POSSIBLY MARRIED AND WITH 2 CHILDREN. 688 00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:42,051 SEVERAL CHILDREN WOULD BE NICE 689 00:27:42,095 --> 00:27:43,400 AND JUST A HAPPY HOME LIFE. 690 00:27:43,444 --> 00:27:46,708 I'LL PROBABLY BE A BAGEL VENDOR 691 00:27:46,752 --> 00:27:47,578 OR SOMETHING. 692 00:27:47,622 --> 00:27:49,755 I KNOW WHAT WILL CHEER ME UP! 693 00:27:49,798 --> 00:27:50,930 MEDITATION! 694 00:27:50,973 --> 00:27:55,369 I'LL JUST GO MEDITATE UNTIL THE SUN RISES. 695 00:27:56,370 --> 00:28:02,202 OHM. OHM. 696 00:28:02,245 --> 00:28:05,335 OHM. 697 00:28:05,379 --> 00:28:08,774 OHM. 698 00:28:10,384 --> 00:28:13,300 AW, MAN! I CAN'T GET WOMEN. 699 00:28:13,343 --> 00:28:14,997 I CAN'T GET LAUGHS. 700 00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:16,825 I'M NOT EVEN A GOOD WAITER. 701 00:28:16,869 --> 00:28:18,914 THIS SUCKS. I'M SO DEPRESSED. 702 00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:22,004 I THINK I'M GOING TO JUST ESCAPE REALITY 703 00:28:22,048 --> 00:28:24,920 RIGHT NOW AND GO TO SLEEP. 704 00:28:30,143 --> 00:28:32,928 [SNICKERING] 705 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,760 SCHECKY, OR SHOULD I SAY, PORKY? 706 00:28:38,804 --> 00:28:39,892 [RIM SHOT] 707 00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:41,110 [LAUGHING] 708 00:28:41,154 --> 00:28:43,460 AW, SCHECK, YOU GOT AN APPLE IN YOUR MOUTH. 709 00:28:43,504 --> 00:28:46,899 WHERE'S WILLIAM TELL WHEN YOU NEED HIM? 710 00:28:47,247 --> 00:28:48,291 LOOK AT YOU. 711 00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:49,815 YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR SISTER, A PIG. 712 00:28:49,858 --> 00:28:51,991 [LAUGHING] 713 00:28:52,034 --> 00:28:54,036 YOU WEARING A STRAIGHTJACKET? OH! 714 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,823 IN YOUR CASE IT MIGHT BE A HOMOJACKET. 715 00:28:58,214 --> 00:28:59,781 YOU'RE A LOSER, SCHECK 716 00:28:59,825 --> 00:29:02,741 A LOSER. [LAUGHING] 717 00:29:03,045 --> 00:29:04,568 YOU'RE A LOSER. [LAUGHS] 718 00:29:04,612 --> 00:29:08,442 YOU'RE A LOSER, SCHECK. [LAUGHS] 719 00:29:19,322 --> 00:29:23,109 HEY, SCHECK, HERE'S MY CLOSING BIT. 720 00:29:23,413 --> 00:29:26,373 [GRUNTING AND MOANING] 721 00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:34,424 AAH! 722 00:29:34,468 --> 00:29:36,296 OH, BOY, THAT DREAM SUCKED. 723 00:29:36,339 --> 00:29:38,037 I'M GOING TO GO TO SLEEP AGAIN. 724 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,997 AND THIS TIME, IT'S GOING TO BE BETTER. 725 00:29:55,489 --> 00:30:00,973 ♪ OOH, OOH 726 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,850 ♪ EACH DAY THROUGH MY WINDOW ♪ 727 00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:15,988 ♪ I WATCH HER AS SHE PASSES BY ♪ 728 00:30:17,903 --> 00:30:20,166 ♪ I SAY TO MYSELF 729 00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:26,476 ♪ YOU'RE SUCH A LUCKY GUY ♪ 730 00:30:29,523 --> 00:30:33,048 ♪ TO HAVE A GIRL LIKE HER ♪ 731 00:30:33,092 --> 00:30:39,315 ♪ IS TRULY A DREAM COME TRUE ♪ 732 00:30:39,359 --> 00:30:45,234 ♪ OUT OF ALL THE FELLAS IN THE WORLD ♪ 733 00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:50,587 ♪ SHE BELONGS TO ME 734 00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:57,116 ♪ BUT IT WAS JUST MY IMAGINATION ♪ 735 00:30:57,159 --> 00:31:01,511 ♪ RUNNING AWAY WITH ME 736 00:31:01,555 --> 00:31:06,952 ♪ IT WAS JUST MY IMAGINATION ♪ 737 00:31:06,995 --> 00:31:13,175 ♪ RUNNING AWAY WITH ME 738 00:31:13,219 --> 00:31:14,611 ♪ OHH, OHH 739 00:31:14,655 --> 00:31:18,572 ♪ SOON WE'LL BE MARRIED 740 00:31:18,615 --> 00:31:23,229 ♪ AND RAISE A FAMILY... ♪ 741 00:31:41,203 --> 00:31:42,248 MOMMY! 742 00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:44,337 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SCHECKY? 743 00:31:44,380 --> 00:31:47,035 ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? 744 00:31:47,079 --> 00:31:49,559 WHO ARE THESE GIRLS? 745 00:31:49,603 --> 00:31:51,561 I KNEW YOU WERE SUICIDAL. 746 00:31:51,605 --> 00:31:52,693 I KNEW IT. 747 00:31:52,736 --> 00:31:54,390 YOU'RE GOING TO DIE FROM THIS, SCHECKY. 748 00:31:54,434 --> 00:31:55,739 YOUR WEENY'S GOING TO FALL OFF 749 00:31:55,783 --> 00:31:57,480 JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER'S. 750 00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:59,352 DO YOU HEAR ME, SCHECKY? 751 00:31:59,395 --> 00:32:01,267 IT FELT SO GREAT. 752 00:32:01,310 --> 00:32:03,965 HER BREASTS WERE LIKE BASEBALLS. 753 00:32:04,009 --> 00:32:04,966 THEY WERE HARD AND FIRM, 754 00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:06,968 AND THEY STUCK OUT LIKE TORPEDOES. 755 00:32:07,012 --> 00:32:11,146 SCHECKY. SCHECKY. SCHECKY. 756 00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:13,235 SCHECKY. SCHECKY! 757 00:32:13,279 --> 00:32:16,238 SCHECKY! SCHECKY. 758 00:32:16,282 --> 00:32:17,674 OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER. 759 00:32:17,718 --> 00:32:19,415 MY GOD, IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. 760 00:32:19,459 --> 00:32:21,069 I MEAN, SHE WAS BEGGING FOR ME. 761 00:32:21,113 --> 00:32:22,636 SHE LOVED ME. TALK ABOUT LUCK. 762 00:32:22,679 --> 00:32:24,594 I MEAN, MAN, OH, MAN, OH, MAN, OH, MAN, 763 00:32:24,638 --> 00:32:26,031 OH, MAN, OH, MAN. 764 00:32:26,074 --> 00:32:26,901 DID I EVER TELL YOU 765 00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:29,425 YOU LOOK JUST LIKE MY MOTHER? 766 00:32:31,471 --> 00:32:32,472 NO. 767 00:32:32,515 --> 00:32:36,041 YOU REALLY DO. WHOA! WHAT TIME IS IT? 768 00:32:36,084 --> 00:32:37,259 IT'S TIME FOR WORK. 769 00:32:37,303 --> 00:32:39,653 HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SLEPT IN YOUR UNIFORM. 770 00:32:39,696 --> 00:32:41,002 OH, YEAH. 771 00:32:41,046 --> 00:32:43,265 ANYWAY, SHE TOLD ME HER NAME WAS DEBBI WITH AN "I", 772 00:32:43,309 --> 00:32:47,356 AND SHE DID A SPREAD FOR HUSTLERMAGAZINE. 773 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,097 OOH, DEBBI WITH AN "I"? 774 00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:50,055 UH, DID SHE DO, LIKE, 775 00:32:50,098 --> 00:32:51,621 A 7-PAGE SPREAD WITH A PIG? 776 00:32:51,665 --> 00:32:53,667 I SAW THAT. 777 00:32:54,450 --> 00:32:56,975 WOW. 778 00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:12,294 WELL, ALL RIGHT. 779 00:33:12,338 --> 00:33:13,513 YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS GIRL 780 00:33:13,556 --> 00:33:14,601 I MET, RIGHT? 781 00:33:14,644 --> 00:33:17,169 AND ANYTHING THAT GIRL TELLS ME, I DO. 782 00:33:17,212 --> 00:33:18,735 FOR EXAMPLE, I ASKED HER 783 00:33:18,779 --> 00:33:20,302 ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, 784 00:33:20,346 --> 00:33:21,173 WHAT AM I? 785 00:33:21,216 --> 00:33:22,304 AND SHE SAID, "YOU'RE AN 8," 786 00:33:22,348 --> 00:33:24,132 SO I PEED ON HER SHOES. 787 00:33:24,176 --> 00:33:28,049 UR-IN-ATE. 788 00:33:29,529 --> 00:33:30,660 I DON'T KNOW. 789 00:33:30,704 --> 00:33:33,228 MAYBE YOU SHOULD AVOID TELLING ACTUAL JOKES 790 00:33:33,272 --> 00:33:36,840 AND JUST STICK TO IMPROVISING AND TALKING WITH THE AUDIENCE. 791 00:33:36,884 --> 00:33:39,626 I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. 792 00:33:39,669 --> 00:33:40,757 YEAH? 793 00:33:40,801 --> 00:33:42,585 A LOT FUNNIER THAN THAT JERK THEY HIRED 794 00:33:42,629 --> 00:33:43,760 AS THE SHIP'S COMEDIAN. 795 00:33:43,804 --> 00:33:46,241 YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? 796 00:33:46,285 --> 00:33:47,416 LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. 797 00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:51,029 HE'S FUNNY. THE OTHER GUY'S A HACK. 798 00:33:52,204 --> 00:33:55,076 YEAH. I AM FUNNY. 799 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,644 HE REALLY IS A HACK, 800 00:33:57,687 --> 00:33:59,820 ISN'T HE? YEAH. 801 00:33:59,863 --> 00:34:02,823 [ROCKYTHEME PLAYS] 802 00:34:04,564 --> 00:34:06,174 I DON'T WANT ANY CHEAP SHOTS. 803 00:34:06,218 --> 00:34:07,610 I DON'T WANT ANY HITTING BELOW THE WAIST. 804 00:34:07,654 --> 00:34:11,266 I DON'T WANT ANY FOOD OR DRINK ON THE MAT. 805 00:34:11,310 --> 00:34:14,704 THAT'S A NEW ONE. AND MAY THE BEST MAN WIN. 806 00:34:14,748 --> 00:34:15,836 LET'S GO. 807 00:34:15,879 --> 00:34:17,098 HEY, HEY, HEY. 808 00:34:17,142 --> 00:34:22,538 OK. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO, BRILLO-HEAD. 809 00:34:23,583 --> 00:34:24,627 LOOK AT YOU. 810 00:34:24,671 --> 00:34:26,586 YOU GOT MORE TEETH THAN A FUCKING SAW. 811 00:34:26,629 --> 00:34:27,630 [BOING] 812 00:34:27,674 --> 00:34:29,284 LOOK AT YOUR MOUTH. WHAT ARE DOING, 813 00:34:29,328 --> 00:34:30,807 STUNT WORK FOR MR. ED? 814 00:34:30,851 --> 00:34:32,548 [BOING] 815 00:34:47,911 --> 00:34:49,739 HEY, THOSE ARE NICE LEGS YOU GOT THERE. 816 00:34:49,783 --> 00:34:51,219 I SAW THEM THE OTHER NIGHT. 817 00:34:51,263 --> 00:34:52,307 I WAS IN A JAPANESE RESTAURANT. 818 00:34:52,351 --> 00:34:54,135 YEAH, I USED THEM TO PICK UP MY SUSHI. 819 00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:56,398 OH! UHH! REF, COME ON. 820 00:34:56,442 --> 00:34:57,530 THAT WAS BELOW THE BELT. 821 00:34:57,573 --> 00:34:59,140 I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. 822 00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:00,707 AHH! OOH, YOU'RE A WINNER, BABY. 823 00:35:00,750 --> 00:35:02,012 YOU'RE ALWAYS THINKING, AND I LIKE THAT. 824 00:35:02,056 --> 00:35:03,797 WHAT, IS THAT BLACK HAT ON THERE TO SHOW RESPECT 825 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,625 TO YOUR DEAD BRAIN? 826 00:35:06,626 --> 00:35:08,236 OH, JEEZ, I LIKE THAT, SASQUATCH. 827 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,194 GOT ENOUGH HAIR ON YOUR BACK? 828 00:35:09,237 --> 00:35:10,804 YOU WANT ME TO BRAID IT FOR YA? 829 00:35:10,847 --> 00:35:13,502 OH, LOOK IT'S SPEEDO BANDITO THERE. I LIKE THAT. 830 00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:16,810 HUH, WHAT ARE SMUGGLING IN A HALF A ROLL OF CERTS? 831 00:35:17,637 --> 00:35:18,594 HA HA. OH, BY THE WAY, 832 00:35:18,638 --> 00:35:19,769 I DO WEDDINGS, IN CASE YOUR PARENTS 833 00:35:19,813 --> 00:35:22,163 DECIDE ON GETTING MARRIED. 834 00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:23,425 WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR NECK? 835 00:35:23,469 --> 00:35:25,558 YOUR MOTHER'S LEASH? 836 00:35:26,602 --> 00:35:29,431 Man: YOU BUFFOON. 837 00:35:30,476 --> 00:35:32,347 OOH, HOO HOO HOO. 838 00:35:32,391 --> 00:35:34,915 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 839 00:35:38,353 --> 00:35:41,443 [CROWD CHEERS] 840 00:35:44,838 --> 00:35:47,623 HEY! SCHECKY! SNAP OUT OF IT. 841 00:35:47,667 --> 00:35:48,798 YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE FANTASIZING 842 00:35:48,842 --> 00:35:52,802 ABOUT KILLING DICKIE DIAMOND OR SOMETHING. 843 00:35:52,846 --> 00:35:53,847 OH, YEAH, YEAH. 844 00:35:53,890 --> 00:35:55,631 WE BETTER GO SERVE THESE DRINKS, BOB. 845 00:35:55,675 --> 00:35:57,329 OH, RIGHT. 846 00:36:00,419 --> 00:36:01,507 Miss Australia: POLITICS ARE, LIKE, 847 00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:03,291 REALLY WEIRD. I MEAN, THEY'RE, LIKE, 848 00:36:03,335 --> 00:36:05,250 I NEVER THINK ABOUT THEM UNLESS SOMEBODY SAYS, 849 00:36:05,293 --> 00:36:06,947 "WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT POLITICS," YOU KNOW? 850 00:36:06,990 --> 00:36:08,209 BUT I THINK WORLD LEADERS 851 00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:10,516 ARE REAL IMPORTANT TO THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD. 852 00:36:10,559 --> 00:36:11,734 WORLD PEACE WOULD BE NICE, 853 00:36:11,778 --> 00:36:13,649 BUT WOULD BE NICER, WOULD BE... 854 00:36:13,693 --> 00:36:16,391 EVERYONE WOULD GET WHATEVER THEY WISH FOR. 855 00:36:16,435 --> 00:36:17,131 IN LIFE. 856 00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,350 WE CAN ALL WORK AS ONE, 857 00:36:18,393 --> 00:36:21,004 THEN THAT'S WHEN WORLD PEACE WILL COME AROUND. 858 00:36:21,048 --> 00:36:23,311 OH, PANAMA. OH, GENERAL NORIEGA. 859 00:36:23,355 --> 00:36:24,660 I THINK HE SHOULD BE KILLED 860 00:36:24,704 --> 00:36:26,575 FOR KILLING PEOPLE WHO VOTE AGAINST HIM. 861 00:36:26,619 --> 00:36:30,536 WELL, I THINK HE SHOULD SEE A DERMATOLOGIST, YOU KNOW? 862 00:36:33,539 --> 00:36:35,802 I CAN TELL BY JUST LOOKING AT GENERAL NORIEGA 863 00:36:35,845 --> 00:36:38,587 THAT HE HAS A REALLY ICKY, RANCID BREATH 864 00:36:38,631 --> 00:36:40,633 THAT'S SO BAD THAT WHEN HE'S TALKING TO YOU, 865 00:36:40,676 --> 00:36:41,938 YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOUR OWN BREATH 866 00:36:41,982 --> 00:36:44,245 TO KEEP FROM GAGGING. 867 00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,943 SEE, I HAVE THIS REALLY STRONG SENSE OF SMELL. 868 00:36:46,987 --> 00:36:48,858 HE HAS A-- PROBABLY, YOU KNOW, 869 00:36:48,902 --> 00:36:51,383 DOESN'T USE ANY FORM OF PERSONAL, YOU KNOW, 870 00:36:51,426 --> 00:36:54,429 HYGIENIC PROTECTION, YOU KNOW, DEODORANT. 871 00:36:54,473 --> 00:36:55,691 I THINK HE PROBABLY-- 872 00:36:55,735 --> 00:36:59,565 HE HAS STINKY ARMPITS, AS WELL. UM, PROBABLY... 873 00:36:59,608 --> 00:37:02,437 YOU KNOW, IF YOU, LIKE, PUT A PIZZA IN-- 874 00:37:02,481 --> 00:37:04,439 IF YOU DON'T EAT A PIZZA AND YOU PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE 875 00:37:04,483 --> 00:37:05,919 FOR, LIKE, YOU KNOW, COUPLE OF DAYS, 876 00:37:05,962 --> 00:37:07,007 WELL, MAYBE LIKE 10 DAYS, 877 00:37:07,050 --> 00:37:08,878 AND YOU GOT IT OUT AND YOU LEFT IT OUT 878 00:37:08,922 --> 00:37:11,272 FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS AND THEN YOU WENT BACK 879 00:37:11,316 --> 00:37:12,578 AND WANTED TO TAKE A BITE? 880 00:37:12,621 --> 00:37:13,796 AND IT'S THAT SMELL THAT YOU GET JUST BEFORE YOU, 881 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,233 LIKE, PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH. 882 00:37:15,276 --> 00:37:17,583 I THINK IT'S PROBABLY A BIT LIKE WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE. 883 00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,586 I JUST WOULDN'T WANT TO SPEND ANY REAL TIME 884 00:37:20,629 --> 00:37:21,978 WITH THE MAN. 885 00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:24,416 IN FACT, I RATHER SPEND A WHOLE DAY WITH TED BUNDY-- 886 00:37:24,459 --> 00:37:25,591 HUH! I SMELL? 887 00:37:25,634 --> 00:37:26,722 BAD BREATH? 888 00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:29,421 EH? WE SEE WHO GETS THE LAST LAUGH HERE, 889 00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:34,469 YOU LEFTOVER, WORTHLESS KANGAROO VOMIT. 890 00:37:48,135 --> 00:37:49,310 OHH! 891 00:37:49,354 --> 00:37:50,790 SEE THAT WOMAN? 892 00:37:50,833 --> 00:37:52,661 WHERE? 893 00:37:52,705 --> 00:37:55,621 NO, IDIOT, ON THE TV THERE. 894 00:37:55,969 --> 00:37:57,753 THAT WOMAN THERE? 895 00:37:57,797 --> 00:37:59,102 THAT WOMAN ON THE TV THERE? 896 00:37:59,146 --> 00:38:02,323 THAT WOMAN ON THE TV. I WANT HER KILLED. 897 00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:03,846 HER NAME IS MISS AUSTRALIA. 898 00:38:03,890 --> 00:38:06,719 SHE SAID I SMELLED LIKE PIZZA. 899 00:38:06,762 --> 00:38:09,461 NO! LIKE A PIZZA? 900 00:38:09,504 --> 00:38:10,940 A PIZZA. 901 00:38:10,984 --> 00:38:13,116 WHAT KIND OF PIZZAS? 902 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,815 AN OLD PIZZA. 903 00:38:16,903 --> 00:38:18,078 [SNIFFS] 904 00:38:18,121 --> 00:38:24,302 UM, AN OLD, UH, CHEESE PIZZA? 905 00:38:29,655 --> 00:38:32,135 WITH, UH, ANCHOVIES? 906 00:38:32,179 --> 00:38:34,050 [GUNSHOT] 907 00:38:36,401 --> 00:38:40,448 AND, UM, UH, WHAT KIND OF CRUST? 908 00:38:40,492 --> 00:38:43,146 I WANT HER KILLED. WHAT DOES THAT MATTER? 909 00:38:43,190 --> 00:38:45,366 UH, ROUND, UH PIZZA? 910 00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:48,369 IT DON'T MATTER. KILL MISS AUSTRALIA. 911 00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:49,805 YOU WANT US TO KILL THE WOMAN 912 00:38:49,849 --> 00:38:50,763 ON THE VIDEOSCREEN? 913 00:38:50,806 --> 00:38:53,113 THAT WOMAN ON THE VIDEOTAPE, YES. 914 00:38:53,156 --> 00:38:57,552 UM, YOU WANT US TO KILL THAT GIRL THERE 915 00:38:57,596 --> 00:38:59,467 IN THE VIDEOTAPE THAT YOU RENTED? 916 00:38:59,511 --> 00:39:00,642 WE GOING TO KILL HER? 917 00:39:00,686 --> 00:39:02,383 THAT GIRL IN THERE NOW 918 00:39:02,427 --> 00:39:05,386 IN THE TAPE THAT YOU RENTED KILLED. 919 00:39:05,430 --> 00:39:06,953 SIÍ. 920 00:39:06,996 --> 00:39:08,389 WHERE IS SHE? 921 00:39:08,433 --> 00:39:09,869 SHE'S IN THE STORE 922 00:39:09,912 --> 00:39:12,393 WITH THE VIDEOTAPES? 923 00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:24,623 YOU, YOU LISTEN TO ME, HUH? 924 00:39:24,666 --> 00:39:29,671 HUH? I SAY LICK TOILET, YOU LICK TOILET. 925 00:39:29,715 --> 00:39:31,891 I SAY PICK THE NOSE, 926 00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:33,588 YOU PICK THE NOSE. 927 00:39:33,632 --> 00:39:37,113 I SAY KILL VIDEOTAPE GIRL, 928 00:39:37,157 --> 00:39:39,420 YOU KILL VIDEOTAPE GIRL. 929 00:39:39,464 --> 00:39:40,595 HUH? 930 00:39:40,639 --> 00:39:42,771 OH, YES, SIR! SHE'S DEAD. 931 00:39:42,815 --> 00:39:43,859 WE, WE KILL MISS AUSTRALIA. 932 00:39:43,903 --> 00:39:46,427 WE GOING, UM, UM, WE GOING TO KILL 933 00:39:46,471 --> 00:39:47,907 CROCODILE DUNDEE. 934 00:39:47,950 --> 00:39:48,777 SHE'S DEAD. 935 00:39:48,821 --> 00:39:49,778 DOG MEAT DEAD, SIR. 936 00:39:49,822 --> 00:39:50,866 SHE IS, UM, A DEADER THAN A KOALA 937 00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:51,693 ON THE FREEWAY WAY, SIR. 938 00:39:51,737 --> 00:39:52,868 SHE'S DEADER THAN 939 00:39:52,912 --> 00:39:53,869 SHRIMPS ON THE BARBIE. 940 00:39:53,913 --> 00:39:56,132 DEAD AS A KOALA BEAR. 941 00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:59,092 WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! YOU 2 COMEDIANS? 942 00:39:59,135 --> 00:40:02,051 [MUMBLING] 943 00:40:02,095 --> 00:40:05,446 GO! GO! GO KILL MISS AUSTRALIA. 944 00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:07,317 GET OUT! 945 00:40:11,191 --> 00:40:14,934 ♪ HE GOES INTO THE ROOM ♪ 946 00:40:14,977 --> 00:40:19,155 ♪ EVERYBODY RUNS AND HIDES ♪ 947 00:40:21,288 --> 00:40:24,422 ♪ HE NEVER BE A GROOM 948 00:40:26,293 --> 00:40:29,514 ♪ HE NEVER CATCH A BRIDE ♪ 949 00:40:30,602 --> 00:40:33,474 ♪ IT'S A SAD, SAD WORLD ♪ 950 00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:37,565 ♪ WHEN YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE A PIZZA ♪ 951 00:40:38,044 --> 00:40:41,917 ♪ BUT IT'S SADDER, SADDER STILL ♪ 952 00:40:43,571 --> 00:40:46,052 ♪ WHEN NO GIRL WANTS TO MEET YA ♪ 953 00:40:46,095 --> 00:40:48,271 Miss Australia: WELL, I'LL BET HIS BEST FRIENDS 954 00:40:48,315 --> 00:40:50,099 DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO HIM. 955 00:40:50,143 --> 00:40:53,102 YOU KNOW, I--I THINK HE STINKS. 956 00:41:05,898 --> 00:41:07,552 WHOA! WHOA! 957 00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:09,641 HEY! HEY! 958 00:41:09,684 --> 00:41:12,557 NOW, SCHECKY, FIGHTING ISN'T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. 959 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,472 SHUT UP, BOB. 960 00:41:15,603 --> 00:41:18,563 [GRUMBLING] SON OF A BITCHIN' BOAT'S 961 00:41:18,606 --> 00:41:21,261 ROCKING MY GODDAMN HEAD OFF FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 962 00:41:21,304 --> 00:41:24,960 [FOGHORN] OW! OH! 963 00:41:25,004 --> 00:41:26,962 OH! FUCKING-- [FOGHORN] 964 00:41:27,006 --> 00:41:28,355 OH, FUCK YOU. 965 00:41:28,398 --> 00:41:31,314 FUCKING BULLHORN OUT OF NOWHERE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 966 00:41:31,358 --> 00:41:35,971 FUCK, BULLSHIT, BULL--OH--HORN. SHIT. 967 00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:37,320 FUCKING PLAYING-- 968 00:41:37,364 --> 00:41:39,540 FEEL LIKE I'M DOING THE POLKA, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 969 00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:41,890 JUST--OH, OH. 970 00:41:41,934 --> 00:41:45,546 CHRIST, MORE STAIRS THAN FUCKING NOTRE DAME. 971 00:41:45,590 --> 00:41:48,201 JESUS CHRIST. 972 00:41:55,774 --> 00:41:56,731 HI, DICKIE. 973 00:41:56,775 --> 00:41:58,211 I JUST HAD THE GREATEST INTERVIEW. 974 00:41:58,254 --> 00:42:00,169 I SPOKE ALL ABOUT MY POLITICAL BELIEFS 975 00:42:00,213 --> 00:42:01,867 AND I SAID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO 976 00:42:01,910 --> 00:42:03,172 ABOUT GENERAL NORIEGA. 977 00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:04,739 OH, THAT'S FUCKING GREAT, ELLEN. 978 00:42:04,783 --> 00:42:05,784 THAT'S WONDERFUL. LISTEN. 979 00:42:05,827 --> 00:42:07,176 WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR, OK? 980 00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,831 TAKE OFF FOR A WHILE. I NEED SOME SPACE. OK, HONEY? 981 00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:10,658 SURE, NO PROBLEM. 982 00:42:10,702 --> 00:42:11,790 I'M GOING TO GO AND GET 983 00:42:11,833 --> 00:42:14,357 A PASTRAMI SANDWICH. 984 00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:15,837 [STOMACH ROILS] 985 00:42:15,881 --> 00:42:17,012 FUCKING PASTRAMI SANDWICH. 986 00:42:17,056 --> 00:42:20,276 SHE KNOWS FUCKING DICKIE DIAMOND HATES 987 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:21,756 PASTRAMI SANDWICHES. 988 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,150 OH, SHIT. OCEAN. 989 00:42:24,193 --> 00:42:27,109 UHH! FUCK! OH, SHIT! 990 00:42:27,153 --> 00:42:30,025 FUCK YOU! FUCK. FUCK. UHH! 991 00:42:30,069 --> 00:42:33,333 FUCK THAT. YOU GOT-- I'M WALKING AWAY FROM THIS. 992 00:42:33,376 --> 00:42:35,727 I'M FUCKING WALKING AWAY FROM THIS. 993 00:42:35,770 --> 00:42:37,032 YOU GOT NOTHING. HAH! 994 00:42:37,076 --> 00:42:39,644 [STOMACH ROILS] FUCK! 995 00:42:41,646 --> 00:42:42,472 FUCK THAT. 996 00:42:42,516 --> 00:42:44,692 SON OF A BITCH. MY BEST HAT! 997 00:42:44,736 --> 00:42:46,825 OHH! OHH! 998 00:42:50,045 --> 00:42:53,701 FUCKING STAIRS. GREAT! MORE FUCKING STAIRS. 999 00:42:58,010 --> 00:42:59,577 FUCK. 1000 00:43:02,231 --> 00:43:05,104 OH! PORCELAIN GODDESS. 1001 00:43:05,147 --> 00:43:08,586 UHH! HERE I COME. 1002 00:43:18,944 --> 00:43:19,858 AAH! 1003 00:43:19,901 --> 00:43:21,250 DICKIE! 1004 00:43:21,294 --> 00:43:23,688 AAH! OH, MY GOD! 1005 00:43:23,731 --> 00:43:24,384 DICKIE! 1006 00:43:24,427 --> 00:43:26,038 HELP! MAN OVERBOARD! 1007 00:43:26,081 --> 00:43:28,997 MY GOD! MAN OVERBOARD! 1008 00:43:29,041 --> 00:43:30,738 HELP! DICKIE! 1009 00:43:30,782 --> 00:43:32,261 DICKIE DIAMOND DOESN'T THROW UP. 1010 00:43:32,305 --> 00:43:34,437 MY AGENT'S FUCKING FIRED. 1011 00:43:34,481 --> 00:43:36,744 HE'S OUT. 1012 00:43:39,007 --> 00:43:40,443 HEY. 1013 00:43:40,487 --> 00:43:45,100 HEY! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! 1014 00:43:45,144 --> 00:43:47,015 AW, SHIT! 1015 00:43:47,059 --> 00:43:48,887 AW, FUCK! 1016 00:43:48,930 --> 00:43:52,194 HEY! HEY! 1017 00:43:52,238 --> 00:43:54,022 AW, COME ON, SOMEBODY OPEN-- 1018 00:43:54,066 --> 00:43:56,285 WHERE'S A FUCKING MAID WHEN YOU NEED ONE? 1019 00:43:56,329 --> 00:43:59,680 OPEN THE FU-- AW, FUCK. 1020 00:43:59,724 --> 00:44:02,857 FUCK. OH, SHIT. 1021 00:44:03,205 --> 00:44:06,905 RICHARD "DICKIE" SCOTT BRIAN DAVID 1022 00:44:06,948 --> 00:44:09,864 DIAMOND STEINWITZ. 1023 00:44:09,908 --> 00:44:14,173 HE WAS SUCH A FUNNY MAN. 1024 00:44:14,216 --> 00:44:17,785 A MAN WHO MADE US LAUGH. 1025 00:44:17,829 --> 00:44:20,222 A MAN WHO BRIGHTENED OUR HEARTS 1026 00:44:20,266 --> 00:44:23,704 AND OPENED UP OUR EVERY DAY 1027 00:44:23,748 --> 00:44:24,966 WITH ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES 1028 00:44:25,010 --> 00:44:26,185 OF LAUGHTER. 1029 00:44:26,228 --> 00:44:29,188 THE GUY TALKED ABOUT BANGING HIS GRANDMOTHER. 1030 00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:30,929 WHAT IS THIS? 1031 00:44:30,972 --> 00:44:32,887 LET'S US PRAY. 1032 00:44:41,374 --> 00:44:43,158 LET US LOOK AT OUR BOOKS... 1033 00:44:43,202 --> 00:44:46,161 PSALM29, JACKSON 5. 1034 00:44:46,205 --> 00:44:48,294 RED SOX 4, YANKEES 3 1035 00:44:48,337 --> 00:44:49,469 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH. 1036 00:44:49,512 --> 00:44:52,428 GOD! IS THAT A PORPOISE OUT THERE? 1037 00:44:52,472 --> 00:44:53,734 [SPEAKING HEBREW] 1038 00:44:53,778 --> 00:44:56,824 ASHES TO ASHES, DUST TO DUST. 1039 00:44:56,868 --> 00:44:59,348 LET US PRAY THAT RICHARD "DICKIE" SCOTT 1040 00:44:59,392 --> 00:45:02,264 DIAMOND STEINWITZMAN 1041 00:45:02,308 --> 00:45:03,222 IS IN HEAVEN 1042 00:45:03,265 --> 00:45:05,746 ENTERTAINING THE ANGELS 1043 00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:09,228 IN THAT GREAT MICROPHONE OF THE SKY. 1044 00:45:09,271 --> 00:45:11,796 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 1045 00:45:12,231 --> 00:45:13,362 WHO'S GOING TO MAKE US LAUGH 1046 00:45:13,406 --> 00:45:15,060 THE REST OF THE CRUISE? 1047 00:45:15,103 --> 00:45:17,018 I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO 1048 00:45:17,062 --> 00:45:17,932 BRIGHTEN OUR DAYS 1049 00:45:17,976 --> 00:45:19,804 AND OPEN OUR HEARTS NOW? 1050 00:45:19,847 --> 00:45:20,892 WHO? 1051 00:45:20,935 --> 00:45:23,329 WHOA, MAN! THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE HERE. 1052 00:45:23,372 --> 00:45:25,766 IF I VOLUNTEER, I'M GOING TO BE 1053 00:45:25,810 --> 00:45:27,202 THE SHIP'S COMEDIAN. 1054 00:45:27,246 --> 00:45:28,247 AW, THAT'D BE GREAT. 1055 00:45:28,290 --> 00:45:29,509 BUT IF I DON'T, I'M JUST GOING TO BE 1056 00:45:29,552 --> 00:45:30,815 SCHECKY THE SCHMUCK WAITER 1057 00:45:30,858 --> 00:45:31,816 THE REST OF MY LIFE, 1058 00:45:31,859 --> 00:45:32,860 AND I'LL NEVER TOUCH A WOMAN AGAIN 1059 00:45:32,904 --> 00:45:34,035 AND I JUST--I GOT TO TOUCH A WOMAN. 1060 00:45:34,079 --> 00:45:35,776 I JUST WANT TO GRAB HER. I JUST WANT TO-- 1061 00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:36,864 OH, GOD THAT WOULD BE GOOD. 1062 00:45:36,908 --> 00:45:38,779 BUT I--BUT I CAN'T DO IT. 1063 00:45:38,823 --> 00:45:40,825 I JUST CAN'T DO IT. I DON'T KNOW. 1064 00:45:40,868 --> 00:45:41,826 I'M TOO CRAZY. I'M NERVOUS. 1065 00:45:41,869 --> 00:45:43,479 I BET--I MEAN, I'M PROBABLY THE ONE 1066 00:45:43,523 --> 00:45:44,785 WHO KILLED DICKIE DIAMOND. 1067 00:45:44,829 --> 00:45:45,743 I WAS SO JEALOUS OF THAT GUY. 1068 00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:47,396 I JUST--I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT. 1069 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:48,876 I WON'T DO IT. THERE'S NO-- 1070 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:49,747 I CAN'T DO IT. 1071 00:45:49,790 --> 00:45:50,791 THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO-- 1072 00:45:50,835 --> 00:45:52,184 HOLY COW! WHO ARE YOU? 1073 00:45:52,227 --> 00:45:53,185 SCHECKY! 1074 00:45:53,228 --> 00:45:54,882 I AM KING NEPTUNE, GOD OF THE SEA. 1075 00:45:54,926 --> 00:45:56,188 I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING 1076 00:45:56,231 --> 00:45:57,145 WHAT YOU WERE THINKING. 1077 00:45:57,189 --> 00:45:58,364 NOT THAT I EAVESDROP OR ANYTHING, 1078 00:45:58,407 --> 00:46:00,453 BUT I COULDN'T HELP HEARING YOU WERE, 1079 00:46:00,496 --> 00:46:01,889 UH, WELL, THAT YOU WANTED TO BE 1080 00:46:01,933 --> 00:46:02,890 THE SHIP COMEDIAN. 1081 00:46:02,934 --> 00:46:04,065 HA HA. BUT YOU HAVE DOUBTS, MY SON. 1082 00:46:04,109 --> 00:46:05,545 DOUBTS THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. 1083 00:46:05,588 --> 00:46:07,808 WAIT. AM I HALLUCINATING HERE? ARE YOU FOR REAL OR WHAT? 1084 00:46:07,852 --> 00:46:08,591 SURE AS THAT BIG NOSE 1085 00:46:08,635 --> 00:46:09,549 ON THE END OF YOUR FACE. 1086 00:46:09,592 --> 00:46:11,333 AHH, JEEZ. AN ANTI-SEMITIC FISH. 1087 00:46:11,377 --> 00:46:13,379 YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT A GIFLTE FISH, I GUESS? 1088 00:46:13,422 --> 00:46:14,336 LISTEN! YOU GOT TO HAVE 1089 00:46:14,380 --> 00:46:15,337 A SENSE OF HUMOR TO BE KING 1090 00:46:15,381 --> 00:46:16,643 OF THAT CESSPOOL, SONNY. 1091 00:46:16,686 --> 00:46:18,906 SUTOILET IS MI CASA, ¿COMPRENDE? 1092 00:46:18,950 --> 00:46:20,429 DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE UNWORLDLY 1093 00:46:20,473 --> 00:46:22,040 AND YOU LACK CONFIDENCE, TO BOOT. 1094 00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:22,954 SHEESH, IT'S A GOOD THING 1095 00:46:22,997 --> 00:46:24,259 I FELT IT MY DUTY TO TELL YOU 1096 00:46:24,303 --> 00:46:25,173 TO GO FOR IT! 1097 00:46:25,217 --> 00:46:27,001 TAKE THE JOB AS SHIP COMEDIAN. 1098 00:46:27,045 --> 00:46:27,915 THESE PEOPLE NEED YOU. 1099 00:46:27,959 --> 00:46:29,221 WELL, HEY, HEY! THEY NEED ME? 1100 00:46:29,264 --> 00:46:30,178 [FALSETTO] THEY NEED ME? 1101 00:46:30,222 --> 00:46:31,136 YES, THEY NEED YOU! WHAT ARE YOU 1102 00:46:31,179 --> 00:46:32,224 FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS HERE? 1103 00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:33,268 EVERYONE NEEDS TO LAUGH. 1104 00:46:33,312 --> 00:46:34,922 MAY THE GODS BE MY WITNESSES 1105 00:46:34,966 --> 00:46:35,923 I'VE BEEN AT THE BRUNT 1106 00:46:35,967 --> 00:46:36,924 OF A FEW TOO MANY JOKES 1107 00:46:36,968 --> 00:46:38,143 AT THE OFFICE WATER COOLER, 1108 00:46:38,186 --> 00:46:39,144 LET ME TELL YOU! 1109 00:46:39,187 --> 00:46:40,275 MISMANAGEMENT THEY SAID! MY TAIL! 1110 00:46:40,319 --> 00:46:43,104 I'LL PUT A HEX ON EXXON! [SINGS] 1111 00:46:43,148 --> 00:46:45,150 I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS THE PRINCE OF-- 1112 00:46:45,193 --> 00:46:46,499 OK, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 1113 00:46:46,542 --> 00:46:47,848 I MEAN, IS THIS GOING TO BE A BIG LONG STORY HERE? 1114 00:46:47,892 --> 00:46:49,023 WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. 1115 00:46:49,067 --> 00:46:50,459 YOU KNOW, I GOT A RESPONSIBILITY. 1116 00:46:50,503 --> 00:46:51,678 THERE'S A MOVIE HERE, 1117 00:46:51,721 --> 00:46:53,201 AND, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS. 1118 00:46:53,245 --> 00:46:54,420 SO YOU UNDERSTAND, YEAH? 1119 00:46:54,463 --> 00:46:55,856 YOU GOT A TIME THING? 1120 00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:56,596 TIME ISSUE? 1121 00:46:56,639 --> 00:46:57,466 WE DON'T HAVE TIME. 1122 00:46:57,510 --> 00:46:58,424 WELL, I JUST THOUGHT 1123 00:46:58,467 --> 00:46:59,425 I'D GIVE YOU A LITTLE CONFIDENCE. 1124 00:46:59,468 --> 00:47:00,992 YOU JUST GO AHEAD, MR. SAILORPANTS. 1125 00:47:01,035 --> 00:47:02,080 WHY DON'T YOU JUST FINISH? 1126 00:47:02,123 --> 00:47:03,255 OH, MAN. NO, REALLY, 1127 00:47:03,298 --> 00:47:05,387 KING NEPTUNE, THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT. 1128 00:47:05,431 --> 00:47:06,258 BUT REMEMBER... 1129 00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:08,956 THE POWER OF LAUGHTER! 1130 00:47:12,351 --> 00:47:13,265 I'LL DO IT! I'LL DO IT! 1131 00:47:13,308 --> 00:47:16,311 I'LL BE SHIP COMEDIAN. YA--HOOO! 1132 00:47:16,355 --> 00:47:17,138 YEAH! 1133 00:47:17,182 --> 00:47:20,185 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 1134 00:47:35,548 --> 00:47:36,418 QUIT BANGING! 1135 00:47:36,462 --> 00:47:37,942 I'M NOT BANGING. I'M DRUMMING. 1136 00:47:37,985 --> 00:47:39,204 IT'S GOOD FOR ME. 1137 00:47:39,247 --> 00:47:40,945 QUIT DRUMMING! 1138 00:47:42,207 --> 00:47:43,556 OK. 1139 00:47:44,644 --> 00:47:47,908 UM... KNOCK, KNOCK. 1140 00:47:47,952 --> 00:47:48,648 WHO'S THERE? 1141 00:47:48,691 --> 00:47:51,999 UM, THE BIG STINKY MAN. 1142 00:47:52,043 --> 00:47:54,175 THE BIG STINKY MAN WHO? 1143 00:47:54,219 --> 00:47:57,396 THE BIG STINKY MAN IS YOU! 1144 00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:03,924 SHUT UP, ACHMED, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. 1145 00:48:03,968 --> 00:48:06,405 I AM FUNNY. I'M VERY FUNNY. 1146 00:48:06,448 --> 00:48:09,103 ACHMED IS FUNNY! 1147 00:48:15,066 --> 00:48:18,199 OH, MAN, WHAT HAPPENS IF I GO UP THERE 1148 00:48:18,243 --> 00:48:19,505 AND I DIE A MISERABLE DEATH? 1149 00:48:19,548 --> 00:48:20,462 THEY'RE NOT GONNA LIKE ME. 1150 00:48:20,506 --> 00:48:22,029 I'M GONNA BLANK UP THERE. 1151 00:48:22,073 --> 00:48:23,161 SOMEONE'S GONNA THROW FOOD AT ME. 1152 00:48:23,204 --> 00:48:25,206 I'LL BE HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A MEATLOAF. 1153 00:48:25,250 --> 00:48:26,033 SCHECKY. 1154 00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:27,034 I'LL GET THROWN OVERBOARD. 1155 00:48:27,078 --> 00:48:28,209 THE SHARK'S GONNA RIP MY LEGS OFF. 1156 00:48:28,253 --> 00:48:29,994 SCHECKY! 1157 00:48:30,037 --> 00:48:32,039 NOW, NO ONE'S GONNA HATE YOU 1158 00:48:32,083 --> 00:48:33,388 AS LONG AS YOU ACT NATURAL, 1159 00:48:33,432 --> 00:48:35,738 BUT I THINK IF WE SANG A LITTLE SONG RIGHT NOW, 1160 00:48:35,782 --> 00:48:38,045 YOU'D FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. 1161 00:48:38,089 --> 00:48:39,090 ALL RIGHT. 1162 00:48:39,133 --> 00:48:40,047 OK. 1163 00:48:40,091 --> 00:48:44,138 ♪ COMEDY, SUCH A LOVELY LADY ♪ 1164 00:48:44,182 --> 00:48:44,965 ♪ LADY 1165 00:48:45,009 --> 00:48:47,185 ♪ SHE'LL PICK YOU UP 1166 00:48:47,228 --> 00:48:48,055 ♪ PICK YOU UP 1167 00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:50,231 ♪ WHEN YOU'RE FEELIN' BLUE 1168 00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:51,493 ♪ FEELIN' BLUE 1169 00:48:51,537 --> 00:48:54,496 ♪ SHE'LL RUN HER FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR ♪ 1170 00:48:54,540 --> 00:48:55,671 ♪ YOUR HAIR 1171 00:48:55,715 --> 00:48:57,586 ♪ AND MAKE YOU FEEL THAT SOMEONE CARES ♪ 1172 00:48:57,630 --> 00:48:58,631 ♪ SOMEONE CARES 1173 00:48:58,674 --> 00:48:59,458 ♪ ABOUT YOU 1174 00:48:59,501 --> 00:49:00,502 ♪ ABOUT YOU, ABOUT YOU ♪ 1175 00:49:00,546 --> 00:49:02,069 ♪ SKID SKID-A-LEE DOO 1176 00:49:02,113 --> 00:49:06,117 ♪ SKID-A-LEE DOODLE-LEE DOODLE-LEE DOO ♪ 1177 00:49:06,334 --> 00:49:08,075 NOW, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER? 1178 00:49:08,119 --> 00:49:09,250 I DO. I DO. 1179 00:49:09,294 --> 00:49:11,774 OK. NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO BE FUNNY. 1180 00:49:11,818 --> 00:49:12,688 JUST BE YOURSELF. 1181 00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:13,820 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL JOKES. 1182 00:49:13,863 --> 00:49:16,692 HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL JUST TALK TO 'EM. 1183 00:49:16,736 --> 00:49:18,085 I'LL JUST ASK 'EM QUESTIONS 1184 00:49:18,129 --> 00:49:20,218 ABOUT THEMSELVES, AND THAT'S IT. 1185 00:49:20,261 --> 00:49:21,654 RIGHT. NOW, THAT'S GOOD. 1186 00:49:21,697 --> 00:49:25,005 NOW, FIX YOUR HAIR, WIPE YOUR EYEBROWS-- 1187 00:49:25,049 --> 00:49:26,006 OH. GOT IT. 1188 00:49:26,050 --> 00:49:28,182 WIPE YOUR NOSE, SMELL YOUR BREATH, 1189 00:49:28,226 --> 00:49:30,750 CHECK YOUR ARMPITS, TIE YOUR SHOES-- 1190 00:49:30,793 --> 00:49:31,620 I GOT DAT. 1191 00:49:31,664 --> 00:49:33,100 AND SIT UP STRAIGHT. 1192 00:49:33,144 --> 00:49:35,146 AHH! 1193 00:49:35,668 --> 00:49:36,364 EH! 1194 00:49:36,408 --> 00:49:37,409 HOLY SHIT. LOOK AT ME. 1195 00:49:37,452 --> 00:49:39,367 I LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN' ZOMBIE. 1196 00:49:39,411 --> 00:49:41,587 YOU FUCKIN' SICKO. 1197 00:49:41,630 --> 00:49:44,372 HOLY SHIT. 1198 00:49:44,416 --> 00:49:47,593 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 1199 00:49:47,636 --> 00:49:49,029 THAT'S IT. 1200 00:49:49,073 --> 00:49:51,031 I'M FUCKIN' DYIN' IN HERE. 1201 00:49:51,075 --> 00:49:53,120 I'M GONNA FUCKIN' SHRIVEL UP 1202 00:49:53,164 --> 00:49:56,776 LIKE A FUCKIN' PIECE OF BACON. 1203 00:49:56,819 --> 00:50:00,040 OH, BOY. I AM VERY NERVOUS RIGHT NOW. 1204 00:50:00,084 --> 00:50:01,824 THIS IS A FRIGHTENING THING TO DO-- 1205 00:50:01,868 --> 00:50:03,435 TAKE OVER FOR A DEAD COMEDIAN 1206 00:50:03,478 --> 00:50:04,610 THAT EVERYBODY LOVED SO MUCH. 1207 00:50:04,653 --> 00:50:07,134 ALL RIGHT. HERE IT GOES. HERE WE GO. 1208 00:50:07,178 --> 00:50:08,353 I'M GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW. 1209 00:50:08,396 --> 00:50:11,791 HEY, EVERYBODY. HOW ARE YOU DOIN' TONIGHT? 1210 00:50:11,834 --> 00:50:14,054 [CROWD GROANS AND MICROPHONE SCREECHES] 1211 00:50:14,098 --> 00:50:17,666 OH, I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT. THAT'S GOOD. 1212 00:50:17,710 --> 00:50:20,669 UH, YOU, SIR. HI. 1213 00:50:20,713 --> 00:50:23,803 HI. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1214 00:50:23,846 --> 00:50:25,065 DAVE. 1215 00:50:25,109 --> 00:50:26,501 DAVE. WE GOT DAVE HERE. 1216 00:50:26,545 --> 00:50:30,636 DAVE. HEY, DAVE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? 1217 00:50:30,679 --> 00:50:32,638 I'M A CONSTRUCTION WORKER. 1218 00:50:32,681 --> 00:50:34,727 DAVE'S A CONSTRUCTION WORKER, EVERYBODY. 1219 00:50:34,770 --> 00:50:38,513 SEE THAT? SO, DAVE, WHAT DO YOU CONSTRUCT? 1220 00:50:38,557 --> 00:50:39,862 I CONSTRUCT BUILDINGS. 1221 00:50:39,906 --> 00:50:42,256 WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I CONSTRUCT? 1222 00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:44,476 OH. OH. THAT'S GOOD. ALL RIGHT. 1223 00:50:44,519 --> 00:50:47,174 WELL, SO, DAVE, DO YOU THINK THAT CONSTRUCTING 1224 00:50:47,218 --> 00:50:52,092 IS AN EASY JOB, OR DO YOU THINK IT'S A HARD JOB? 1225 00:50:52,136 --> 00:50:53,050 [WHISPERS] 1226 00:50:53,093 --> 00:50:55,182 YOU KNOW WHAT? LISTEN, BUTTHOLE. 1227 00:50:55,226 --> 00:50:56,662 WHY DON'T YOU QUIT TRYIN' TO BE FUNNY, 1228 00:50:56,705 --> 00:50:57,793 BECAUSE ALL YOU'RE DOIN' 1229 00:50:57,837 --> 00:50:58,751 IS PISSIN' ME OFF. 1230 00:50:58,794 --> 00:51:02,494 OH. UM, HEY. THAT KIND OF SOUNDED 1231 00:51:02,537 --> 00:51:05,540 LIKE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND RIGHT THERE. HA HA! 1232 00:51:05,584 --> 00:51:06,802 Woman: YOU SUCK! 1233 00:51:06,846 --> 00:51:09,457 BUT SHE'S A LITTLE BIT BIGGER THAN DAVE. HA HA! 1234 00:51:09,501 --> 00:51:11,198 Man: GET OFF, BIG NOSE. 1235 00:51:11,242 --> 00:51:12,721 ALL I'M SAYING IS, 1236 00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:14,680 I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS. 1237 00:51:14,723 --> 00:51:16,029 Woman: BORING. 1238 00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:17,378 THAT'S ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY RIGHT THERE. HA HA! 1239 00:51:17,422 --> 00:51:21,121 UM, HI. HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1240 00:51:21,165 --> 00:51:24,559 I HATE YOU! 1241 00:51:28,650 --> 00:51:31,436 OH, THIS ISN'T GOIN' TOO WELL, IS IT? 1242 00:51:31,479 --> 00:51:34,743 WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST START OVER RIGHT NOW? 1243 00:51:34,787 --> 00:51:35,875 Man: GET OFF. 1244 00:51:35,918 --> 00:51:37,746 JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. I'M PRETTY FUNNY. 1245 00:51:37,790 --> 00:51:39,835 OK, LOOK. HERE'S A GOOD JOKE. 1246 00:51:39,879 --> 00:51:41,010 UM, ALL RIGHT. 1247 00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:43,535 THERE'S A PROCTOLOGIST, RIGHT? AND HE'S-- 1248 00:51:43,578 --> 00:51:44,797 WE WANT DICKIE. 1249 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,755 WE WANT DICKIE. 1250 00:51:46,799 --> 00:51:48,583 WE WANT DICKIE. 1251 00:51:48,627 --> 00:51:50,455 WE WANT DICKIE. 1252 00:51:50,498 --> 00:51:51,412 WE WANT DICKIE. 1253 00:51:51,456 --> 00:51:53,458 HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 1254 00:51:53,501 --> 00:51:54,546 I MEAN, THE GUY IS DEAD. 1255 00:51:54,589 --> 00:51:56,591 YOU WANT TO HEAR A CORPSE OR SOMETHING? 1256 00:51:56,635 --> 00:51:57,375 YOU KNOW WHAT? 1257 00:51:57,418 --> 00:51:58,593 A CORPSE WOULD BE FUNNIER 1258 00:51:58,637 --> 00:52:00,421 THAN YOU ARE. 1259 00:52:00,987 --> 00:52:03,729 I WANT TO HEAR CROAKER SING. 1260 00:52:03,772 --> 00:52:06,471 [CROWD CHEERING] 1261 00:52:17,525 --> 00:52:20,615 NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 1262 00:52:20,659 --> 00:52:23,444 NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 1263 00:52:23,488 --> 00:52:26,143 NO, NO, NO. 1264 00:52:27,709 --> 00:52:31,844 HEY. ALL RIGHT. 1265 00:52:31,887 --> 00:52:33,846 LET'S ROCK! 1266 00:52:33,889 --> 00:52:36,457 [SCREAMING] 1267 00:52:36,501 --> 00:52:39,286 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1268 00:53:04,442 --> 00:53:08,576 ♪ WELL, I'M ON THE PROWL OUT THE CAT DOOR ♪ 1269 00:53:08,620 --> 00:53:12,841 ♪ 'CAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH A LITTLE GIRL, BOY ♪ 1270 00:53:12,885 --> 00:53:15,931 ♪ HEAR HER HOWL, LOVELY WOMAN ♪ 1271 00:53:15,975 --> 00:53:21,023 ♪ SERVING ME SOME HOT, HOT TUNA ♪ 1272 00:53:21,067 --> 00:53:22,721 ♪ YEAH 1273 00:53:22,764 --> 00:53:26,551 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1274 00:53:26,594 --> 00:53:29,031 ♪ UPSIDE HIS HEAD 1275 00:53:29,075 --> 00:53:30,337 ♪ YEAH 1276 00:53:30,381 --> 00:53:33,949 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1277 00:53:33,993 --> 00:53:36,865 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 1278 00:53:39,564 --> 00:53:42,871 ♪ MEOW 1279 00:53:44,569 --> 00:53:48,529 ♪ WELL, I CLIMB THE WALLS OVER TAIL SO FINE ♪ 1280 00:53:48,573 --> 00:53:52,577 ♪ MY FURRY PAWS WANT YOUR BEHIND ♪ 1281 00:53:52,620 --> 00:53:55,797 ♪ ALL COME FOR LOVE TO ME ♪ 1282 00:53:55,841 --> 00:54:01,325 ♪ I'M SO WILD AND SO IN HEAT ♪ 1283 00:54:01,586 --> 00:54:02,456 ♪ YEAH 1284 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:06,373 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1285 00:54:06,417 --> 00:54:09,681 ♪ UPSIDE THE HEAD 1286 00:54:09,724 --> 00:54:13,815 ♪ GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1287 00:54:13,859 --> 00:54:16,470 ♪ RIGHT NOW 1288 00:54:31,790 --> 00:54:35,315 ♪ GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1289 00:54:35,794 --> 00:54:38,579 ♪ UPSIDE HIS HEAD, YEAH 1290 00:54:38,623 --> 00:54:42,888 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT, BABY ♪ 1291 00:54:42,931 --> 00:54:46,065 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 1292 00:54:46,108 --> 00:54:49,547 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1293 00:54:51,766 --> 00:54:53,377 ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 1294 00:54:53,420 --> 00:54:57,119 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 1295 00:54:57,163 --> 00:54:59,992 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 1296 00:55:23,494 --> 00:55:24,451 GIVE ME THAT JACKET. 1297 00:55:24,495 --> 00:55:27,759 GIVE IT HERE. GIVE IT UP. 1298 00:55:58,877 --> 00:56:00,531 I FAILED, MAN. I FAILED. 1299 00:56:00,574 --> 00:56:03,577 KING NEPTUNE WAS WRONG. NOBODY NEEDS ME. 1300 00:56:03,621 --> 00:56:04,709 KING NEPTUNE? 1301 00:56:04,752 --> 00:56:07,146 YEAH, KING NEPTUNE. HE'S GOD OF THE SEA? 1302 00:56:07,189 --> 00:56:09,670 OH, THERE HE IS, RIGHT OVER THERE. 1303 00:56:09,714 --> 00:56:11,585 Bob: OH. 1304 00:56:12,934 --> 00:56:16,416 SCHECKY, UH, CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU? 1305 00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:18,505 YEAH, BOB. YOU CAN BE HONEST WITH ME. 1306 00:56:18,549 --> 00:56:21,465 COME ON. LET'S TAKE A WALK. 1307 00:56:28,472 --> 00:56:32,127 SCHECKY, I HATE COMEDIANS. 1308 00:56:32,171 --> 00:56:33,825 NOT ALL COMEDIANS, THOUGH. 1309 00:56:33,868 --> 00:56:36,523 JUST 99% OF THEM. 1310 00:56:36,567 --> 00:56:37,568 SEE, TO ME, 1311 00:56:37,611 --> 00:56:39,744 STAND-UP COMEDY IS SUCH A SAD THING. 1312 00:56:39,787 --> 00:56:41,136 I MEAN, IT'S SO PATHETIC. 1313 00:56:41,180 --> 00:56:43,878 IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE MOST DEGRADING THING 1314 00:56:43,922 --> 00:56:46,446 A HUMAN BEING CAN PUT HIMSELF THROUGH, 1315 00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:48,579 STANDING UP ON STAGE, ALONE, 1316 00:56:48,622 --> 00:56:49,710 TALKING ABOUT HOW FAT 1317 00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:51,712 OR HOW BALD OR HOW UGLY YOU ARE. 1318 00:56:51,756 --> 00:56:52,931 I MEAN, SPILLING YOUR GUTS 1319 00:56:52,974 --> 00:56:54,149 ABOUT YOUR FAMILY HISTORY 1320 00:56:54,193 --> 00:56:55,673 AND YOUR ALCOHOLIC FATHER, 1321 00:56:55,716 --> 00:56:57,457 BLATANTLY BEGGING THE AUDIENCE 1322 00:56:57,501 --> 00:56:59,024 TO LOVE YOU, TO ACCEPT YOU, 1323 00:56:59,067 --> 00:56:59,938 AND GIVE YOU THE LOVE 1324 00:56:59,981 --> 00:57:01,548 THAT YOU NEVER HAD AS A CHILD. 1325 00:57:01,592 --> 00:57:02,941 IT'S PATHETIC, SCHECKY. 1326 00:57:02,984 --> 00:57:04,246 IT'S AN EMPTY, LOVELESS-- 1327 00:57:04,290 --> 00:57:07,206 BOB. BOB, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? 1328 00:57:08,903 --> 00:57:10,905 LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. 1329 00:57:10,949 --> 00:57:13,952 COMEDY IS LIKE THIS LIFE PRESERVER. 1330 00:57:13,995 --> 00:57:15,606 AHH! COMEDY IS ROUND 1331 00:57:15,649 --> 00:57:17,738 WITH ROPES HANGING OFF OF IT. ALL RIGHT. 1332 00:57:17,782 --> 00:57:21,089 SEE, SCHECKY, THAT WASN'T FUNNY. 1333 00:57:21,133 --> 00:57:22,656 I KNOW YOU PROBABLY SAID THAT 1334 00:57:22,700 --> 00:57:24,745 TO MAKE ME LAUGH AND TO LIKE YOU MORE, 1335 00:57:24,789 --> 00:57:26,530 BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO, SEE? 1336 00:57:26,573 --> 00:57:27,661 I LIKE YOU ENOUGH ALREADY. 1337 00:57:27,705 --> 00:57:29,228 BOB, STOP, ALL RIGHT? STOP. 1338 00:57:29,271 --> 00:57:30,142 I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU 1339 00:57:30,185 --> 00:57:31,752 TO STOP BEING A PSYCHOANALYST 1340 00:57:31,796 --> 00:57:33,014 AND JUST-- YOU'RE TOO STUPID 1341 00:57:33,058 --> 00:57:34,581 TO TELL ME ANYTHING, ALL RIGHT? 1342 00:57:34,625 --> 00:57:37,105 I LIKE COMEDY. I LIKE BEING FUNNY. 1343 00:57:37,149 --> 00:57:38,803 THAT'S IT. ALL RIGHT? 1344 00:57:38,846 --> 00:57:40,282 OK. OK. 1345 00:57:40,326 --> 00:57:41,762 THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY 1346 00:57:41,806 --> 00:57:43,590 TELLING SOME JOKES THIS TIME 1347 00:57:43,634 --> 00:57:45,113 INSTEAD OF JUST BEING YOURSELF. 1348 00:57:45,157 --> 00:57:46,593 I MEAN, MAYBE THAT WOULD WORK. 1349 00:57:46,637 --> 00:57:48,769 THAT IS A GREAT IDEA, BOB. JOKES. 1350 00:57:48,813 --> 00:57:50,162 YOU HIT IT RIGHT ON THE HEAD, 1351 00:57:50,205 --> 00:57:52,164 BUT FIRST, LET'S SEE A MONTAGE 1352 00:57:52,207 --> 00:57:54,296 OF SOME BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. 1353 00:57:54,340 --> 00:57:55,994 ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ 1354 00:57:56,037 --> 00:57:57,299 ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ 1355 00:57:57,343 --> 00:58:00,651 ♪ OOH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 1356 00:58:00,694 --> 00:58:01,956 ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ 1357 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:06,221 ♪ I MET A GENTLE WOMAN 1358 00:58:06,265 --> 00:58:10,617 ♪ SHE TOOK MY HEART AWAY 1359 00:58:10,661 --> 00:58:14,142 ♪ SHE SAID I HAD IT COMIN' TO ME ♪ 1360 00:58:14,186 --> 00:58:17,972 ♪ THAT I WANTED IT THAT WAY ♪ 1361 00:58:18,016 --> 00:58:22,716 ♪ I THINK ANY LOVIN' IS GOOD LOVIN' ♪ 1362 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:24,805 ♪ SO I TOOK WHAT I COULD GET ♪ 1363 00:58:24,849 --> 00:58:26,633 ♪ YEAH, I TOOK WHAT I COULD GET ♪ 1364 00:58:26,677 --> 00:58:30,289 ♪ OOH, SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH THOSE BIG BROWN EYES ♪ 1365 00:58:30,332 --> 00:58:34,162 ♪ AND SAID, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET ♪ 1366 00:58:34,206 --> 00:58:38,645 ♪ B-B-BABY, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET ♪ 1367 00:58:38,689 --> 00:58:39,820 ♪ HERE'S SOMETHIN' 1368 00:58:39,864 --> 00:58:42,910 ♪ HERE'S SOMETHIN' YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ♪ 1369 00:58:42,954 --> 00:58:46,871 ♪ BABY, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET ♪ 1370 00:58:46,914 --> 00:58:49,003 ♪ YOU AIN'T BEEN AROUND NOW, HONEY ♪ 1371 00:58:49,047 --> 00:58:50,222 THE MEAT, IT'S GOOD. 1372 00:58:50,265 --> 00:58:52,746 AND MORE. 1373 00:58:53,225 --> 00:58:57,708 I MEAN, IT'S... IT'S A LOT. 1374 00:58:57,751 --> 00:59:00,014 PERFECT. 1375 00:59:00,058 --> 00:59:03,757 YOUR WIFE, SHE MAKE THAT FOR YOU? 1376 00:59:03,801 --> 00:59:05,846 YES. 1377 00:59:05,890 --> 00:59:07,065 NICE WIFE. 1378 00:59:07,108 --> 00:59:08,719 UH-HUH. 1379 00:59:08,762 --> 00:59:11,765 I DON'T HAVE WIFE. 1380 00:59:12,636 --> 00:59:17,075 YOUR SALAMI, IT'S VERY BIG. 1381 00:59:18,337 --> 00:59:21,340 BIG ENOUGH FOR 2 PEOPLES. 1382 00:59:21,949 --> 00:59:25,562 BIG ENOUGH FOR 3 PEOPLES. 1383 00:59:25,823 --> 00:59:30,044 THERE'S ENOUGH THERE FOR WHOLE FAMILY OF PEOPLES 1384 00:59:30,088 --> 00:59:33,918 HAVEN'T EATEN FOR WHOLE WEEKS. 1385 00:59:34,701 --> 00:59:37,095 CUT ME A LITTLE SLICE. 1386 00:59:37,138 --> 00:59:37,835 NO. 1387 00:59:37,878 --> 00:59:38,792 GIVE ME A LITTLE? NO. 1388 00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:39,924 GIVE ME A LITTLE HUNK! 1389 00:59:39,967 --> 00:59:40,794 NO. WHY NOT? 1390 00:59:40,838 --> 00:59:41,752 GIVE ME A LITTLE. NO. 1391 00:59:41,795 --> 00:59:42,753 GIVE ME A LITTLE HUNK! 1392 00:59:42,796 --> 00:59:44,624 NO, NO. SON OF A BITCH. 1393 00:59:44,668 --> 00:59:46,800 GIVE ME YOUR SALAMI. 1394 00:59:46,844 --> 00:59:49,281 [ARGUING] 1395 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:54,112 IS THIS THE WAY GENERALS WEAR THEM? 1396 00:59:54,155 --> 00:59:55,417 YES. SIÍ. 1397 00:59:55,461 --> 00:59:57,768 HA HA! THIS ONE GOES UP, OVER, 1398 00:59:57,811 --> 00:59:58,899 AND THIS ONE GOES UNDER? 1399 00:59:58,943 --> 01:00:01,336 SIÍ.ONE MOVES UP, ONE--HEH HEH! 1400 01:00:01,380 --> 01:00:04,035 YOU KNOW WHAT MY MOTHER SAYS ABOUT YOU? 1401 01:00:04,078 --> 01:00:05,079 HEH HEH! HA HA! 1402 01:00:05,123 --> 01:00:06,951 SHE SAYS YOU'RE AN UNTRAINED ANIMAL. 1403 01:00:06,994 --> 01:00:08,735 HA HA! HEH HEH! 1404 01:00:08,779 --> 01:00:11,346 BUT YOU SHOULD HEAR WHAT MY FATHER SAYS. 1405 01:00:11,390 --> 01:00:14,872 NO, I--I CAN'T. NO, NO, NO. 1406 01:00:14,915 --> 01:00:16,090 GO TO THE SHIP. 1407 01:00:16,134 --> 01:00:18,876 HEH HEH! HA HA! 1408 01:00:18,919 --> 01:00:20,878 WHAT IS IT, ROBINSON CRUSOE? 1409 01:00:20,921 --> 01:00:22,183 WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER SAY? 1410 01:00:22,227 --> 01:00:24,925 OH, NO, NO. MY FATHER DOESN'T--NO. 1411 01:00:24,969 --> 01:00:27,275 I PROMISED HIM, PINKY SWEAR. 1412 01:00:27,319 --> 01:00:28,320 HE SAID I COULDN'T TELL. 1413 01:00:28,363 --> 01:00:30,278 WELL, DOES HE LIKE ME, OR NO? 1414 01:00:30,322 --> 01:00:33,020 UH, HE SAYS HE HAS TO LIKE YOU. 1415 01:00:33,064 --> 01:00:35,196 HA HA! HA HA! 1416 01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:38,156 I DON'T THINK HE VOTED FOR YOU, THOUGH. 1417 01:00:38,199 --> 01:00:42,290 OH, WELL, WE'LL... WE FORGIVE THAT. 1418 01:00:42,334 --> 01:00:43,857 HEH HEH! HA HA! 1419 01:00:43,901 --> 01:00:45,772 I'LL TELL MY FATHER THAT. 1420 01:00:45,816 --> 01:00:47,687 THAT YOU'LL LET HIM OUT OF JAIL. 1421 01:00:47,731 --> 01:00:48,906 HA HA! HEH HEH! 1422 01:00:48,949 --> 01:00:49,733 NOT YET. 1423 01:00:49,776 --> 01:00:51,865 YES, I WILL. COUPLE YEARS. 1424 01:00:51,909 --> 01:00:54,781 HA HA! HA HA! 1425 01:00:54,825 --> 01:00:56,000 A COUPLE YEARS? 1426 01:00:56,043 --> 01:00:59,090 WELL, HE'S NOT THAT OLD. 1427 01:00:59,133 --> 01:01:02,746 HOO HOO! HA HA! 1428 01:01:02,789 --> 01:01:03,964 OH, YOU'RE TERRIBLE. 1429 01:01:04,008 --> 01:01:04,922 YOU ARE REALLY BAD. 1430 01:01:04,965 --> 01:01:06,445 NO, NO, NO, NO. HE'S A GOOD MAN. 1431 01:01:06,488 --> 01:01:08,926 IN A COUPLE YEARS, HE'LL-- 1432 01:01:08,969 --> 01:01:09,840 COUPLE YEARS? 1433 01:01:09,883 --> 01:01:12,407 WELL, YES. HE FIND PHILOSOPHY. 1434 01:01:12,451 --> 01:01:13,321 FOR WHAT? 1435 01:01:13,365 --> 01:01:15,846 HE FIND PHILOSOPHY IN THE CAN. 1436 01:01:15,889 --> 01:01:16,673 HA HA! 1437 01:01:16,716 --> 01:01:18,370 IS THAT WHERE YOU FIND IT? 1438 01:01:18,413 --> 01:01:20,851 SURE. IN THE CAN. 1439 01:01:22,113 --> 01:01:24,985 YOU WEAR THESE FUCKIN' THINGS? 1440 01:01:25,029 --> 01:01:26,030 LOOK AT YOU. 1441 01:01:26,073 --> 01:01:28,336 NICE FUCKIN' PATENT LEATHER FUCKER. 1442 01:01:28,380 --> 01:01:31,731 RIDICULOUS FUCKIN' SHOES YOU'RE WEARING. 1443 01:01:31,775 --> 01:01:33,951 YOU WEARING THESE? 1444 01:01:35,561 --> 01:01:36,954 NOTHIN' GOOD FOR THAT. 1445 01:01:36,997 --> 01:01:39,826 THEY'RE NOT EVEN GOOD FOR BANGIN' ON THE FUCKIN' DOOR. 1446 01:01:39,870 --> 01:01:40,914 HELLO. 1447 01:01:40,958 --> 01:01:43,003 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT IS, MAYBE NOT. 1448 01:01:43,047 --> 01:01:44,048 I DON'T THINK IT'S GROUNDS 1449 01:01:44,091 --> 01:01:45,310 FOR LEGAL ACTION, CROAKIE. 1450 01:01:45,353 --> 01:01:46,398 THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'. 1451 01:01:46,441 --> 01:01:47,355 I DON'T THINK IT IS. 1452 01:01:47,399 --> 01:01:49,009 I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COSTS, MAN. 1453 01:01:49,053 --> 01:01:51,446 I WANT THAT GUY SUED, ALL RIGHT? 1454 01:01:51,490 --> 01:01:52,752 I'M SINGIN' MY SONG, 1455 01:01:52,796 --> 01:01:54,449 AND I MADE IT VERY CLEAR TO THAT GUY 1456 01:01:54,493 --> 01:01:57,061 I WANTED TO BE SHOT FROM A HIGHER ANGLE. 1457 01:01:57,104 --> 01:01:59,019 HE SHOOTS ME FROM STRAIGHT ON, 1458 01:01:59,063 --> 01:02:02,022 IT MAKES MY NOSE LOOK ABSOLUTELY HUGE. 1459 01:02:02,066 --> 01:02:03,328 MY FANS ARE NOT GONNA ACCEPT-- 1460 01:02:03,371 --> 01:02:04,372 Dickie: HEY. HEY. 1461 01:02:04,416 --> 01:02:05,547 HEY, LET ME OUT. IT'S DICKIE DIAMOND. 1462 01:02:05,591 --> 01:02:07,332 I'M IN THE FUCKIN' BATHROOM. 1463 01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:11,902 WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE. IS THAT THAT-- 1464 01:02:11,945 --> 01:02:13,033 OOH, THAT'S THAT GUY. 1465 01:02:13,077 --> 01:02:16,254 THAT'S THE DEAD GUY, THE COMEDIAN. 1466 01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:17,995 WHOA, MAN, THIS IS WEIRD, 1467 01:02:18,038 --> 01:02:19,213 BECAUSE IF HE'S DEAD-- 1468 01:02:19,257 --> 01:02:21,955 IF HE'S DEAD, HOW COULD HE BE SCREAMIN'? 1469 01:02:21,999 --> 01:02:23,391 I DON'T KNOW, CROAKIE. 1470 01:02:23,435 --> 01:02:24,218 MAYBE IT'S HIS-- 1471 01:02:24,262 --> 01:02:26,003 MAYBE IT'S HIS GHOST. 1472 01:02:26,046 --> 01:02:27,091 Dickie: LET ME OUT. 1473 01:02:27,134 --> 01:02:28,832 WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. YOU'RE SCARIN' ME. 1474 01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:29,746 YEAH. 1475 01:02:29,789 --> 01:02:30,659 DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT, MAN. 1476 01:02:30,703 --> 01:02:32,139 I CAN'T TAKE THIS GHOST STUFF. 1477 01:02:32,183 --> 01:02:33,880 HOW DO I GET OFF THIS BOAT? 1478 01:02:33,924 --> 01:02:34,881 [DICKIE POUNDS] 1479 01:02:34,925 --> 01:02:38,058 LET ME OUT, YOU FUCKS. 1480 01:02:38,102 --> 01:02:39,407 THIS SHIP IS HAUNTED, MAN. 1481 01:02:39,451 --> 01:02:41,888 GET ME OFF THIS SHIP. THIS SHIP IS HAUNTED. 1482 01:02:41,932 --> 01:02:45,196 I GOTTA GET OFF THIS SHIP, MAN. 1483 01:02:45,239 --> 01:02:46,414 CROAKIE, LISTEN TO ME. 1484 01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:48,329 LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME. 1485 01:02:48,373 --> 01:02:50,810 LISTEN TO ME, CROAKIE. 1486 01:02:53,073 --> 01:02:54,901 LET ME OUT, YOU LITTLE FUCK. 1487 01:02:54,945 --> 01:02:56,163 Croaker: HELP ME. HELP ME GET OFF THIS BOAT. 1488 01:02:56,207 --> 01:02:57,904 HELP ME. I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE NOW. 1489 01:02:57,948 --> 01:03:00,472 NO. NO. I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 1490 01:03:00,515 --> 01:03:02,039 [VOICES FADE] 1491 01:03:02,082 --> 01:03:05,956 NO. MOTHERFUCKERS. 1492 01:03:11,483 --> 01:03:15,095 THESE FUCKIN' FAG SOCKS YOU'VE BEEN WEARIN'. 1493 01:03:15,139 --> 01:03:17,794 LOOK AT THIS SHIT. 1494 01:03:18,925 --> 01:03:20,927 OH, FUCK. 1495 01:03:20,971 --> 01:03:25,453 [SNIFFS] SHIT. THAT'S TWICE AS BAD. 1496 01:03:25,497 --> 01:03:27,412 MAYBE I CAN GO OUT THROUGH THERE. 1497 01:03:27,455 --> 01:03:30,937 FUCK, IT'S A TOILET. FLUSH MYSELF OUT. 1498 01:03:30,981 --> 01:03:33,897 COME ON, SOMEBODY. PLEASE? 1499 01:03:34,985 --> 01:03:35,855 AHA! 1500 01:03:35,899 --> 01:03:36,595 YOU CHEATED. 1501 01:03:36,638 --> 01:03:37,465 THAT'S NOT CHEATING. 1502 01:03:37,509 --> 01:03:38,684 THAT'S CHEATIN'. NN-NN. 1503 01:03:38,727 --> 01:03:40,077 ARE YOU GONNA WEAR THAT FOR YOUR COMEDY ACT? 1504 01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:42,470 OH, I WAS THINKIN' OF IT. YEAH. 1505 01:03:42,514 --> 01:03:43,602 NO. NO. 1506 01:03:43,645 --> 01:03:44,733 I THINK YOU SHOULD WEAR YOUR PINK SHIRT. 1507 01:03:44,777 --> 01:03:45,952 OH. OH. WELL, IF I'M GONNA CHANGE SHIRTS, 1508 01:03:45,996 --> 01:03:47,214 I'LL PROBABLY JUST WEAR MY GREEN SHIRT. 1509 01:03:47,258 --> 01:03:49,303 NO, NO, NO. THE PINK SHIRT SHOWS OFF YOUR TAN. 1510 01:03:49,347 --> 01:03:50,391 OH. IT'S A NICE SHIRT. 1511 01:03:50,435 --> 01:03:51,610 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT I LIKE GREEN. 1512 01:03:51,653 --> 01:03:52,654 THE GREEN SHIRT WOULD BE BETTER. 1513 01:03:52,698 --> 01:03:54,047 THE PINK IS MUCH BETTER, MUCH BETTER. 1514 01:03:54,091 --> 01:03:54,874 NO, I'M GONNA-- 1515 01:03:54,918 --> 01:03:55,875 SEE, GREEN--LUCK IS GREEN. 1516 01:03:55,919 --> 01:03:57,268 NO, NO, NO. PINK. PINK. 1517 01:03:57,311 --> 01:03:58,399 I LIKE GREEN. PINK. 1518 01:03:58,443 --> 01:03:59,444 GREEN IS GOOD. PINK. PINK. 1519 01:03:59,487 --> 01:04:00,619 GREEN. GREEN IS WHAT I-- 1520 01:04:00,662 --> 01:04:01,446 PINK. GREEN. 1521 01:04:01,489 --> 01:04:02,621 GREEN. GREEN. PINK. PINK. 1522 01:04:02,664 --> 01:04:03,970 PINK. GREEN. 1523 01:04:04,014 --> 01:04:05,058 WHY DON'T YOU WEAR 'EM BOTH? 1524 01:04:05,102 --> 01:04:06,190 YEAH. I COULD DO THAT. 1525 01:04:06,233 --> 01:04:07,931 OK. YEAH. 1526 01:04:10,542 --> 01:04:13,197 WHERE ARE WE? 1527 01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:15,982 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. 1528 01:04:16,026 --> 01:04:18,942 I KNOW WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN, 1529 01:04:18,985 --> 01:04:19,943 YOU IDIOT. 1530 01:04:19,986 --> 01:04:22,293 WHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN? 1531 01:04:22,336 --> 01:04:26,688 WHO DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU, A COMPASS? 1532 01:04:26,732 --> 01:04:29,909 YOU A NAVIGATOR, STUPID. 1533 01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:33,130 YOU ARE NAVIGATOR, STUPID. 1534 01:04:33,173 --> 01:04:34,348 DUMB STUPID. 1535 01:04:34,392 --> 01:04:36,524 WHO IS HOLDING THE MAP? 1536 01:04:36,568 --> 01:04:39,614 WHO IS HOLDING MAP? 1537 01:04:39,658 --> 01:04:41,965 OH. I AM. 1538 01:04:42,008 --> 01:04:44,968 SO YOU ARE NAVIGATOR. 1539 01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:50,060 OK. GIVE IT TO ME. 1540 01:04:50,103 --> 01:04:51,409 OH, NO. GIVE IT TO ME. 1541 01:04:51,452 --> 01:04:52,453 I AM NAVIGATOR. 1542 01:04:52,497 --> 01:04:53,411 GIVE IT TO ME. 1543 01:04:53,454 --> 01:04:54,455 I AM NAVIGATOR. 1544 01:04:54,499 --> 01:04:55,239 GIVE IT TO ME. 1545 01:04:55,282 --> 01:04:57,241 LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING. 1546 01:04:57,284 --> 01:04:59,112 OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT THAT. 1547 01:04:59,156 --> 01:05:00,026 HUH? 1548 01:05:00,070 --> 01:05:01,027 OH! UH! 1549 01:05:01,071 --> 01:05:03,029 UH! OH! 1550 01:05:03,073 --> 01:05:04,030 OH! OH! 1551 01:05:04,074 --> 01:05:06,206 MY MAP. MY MAP. 1552 01:05:06,250 --> 01:05:07,991 I WANT MY MAP. 1553 01:05:08,034 --> 01:05:09,644 I WANT TO JUST TELL YOU THANK YOU 1554 01:05:09,688 --> 01:05:11,081 FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE UP HERE. 1555 01:05:11,124 --> 01:05:13,344 YOU'RE REALLY NICE TO ME. I APPRECIATE IT, 1556 01:05:13,387 --> 01:05:14,345 AND I SWEAR THIS TIME, 1557 01:05:14,388 --> 01:05:15,563 YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED, 1558 01:05:15,607 --> 01:05:18,305 BECAUSE, WELL, I'VE BEEN WORKIN' ON AN ACT. 1559 01:05:18,349 --> 01:05:19,132 Man: WHO CARES? 1560 01:05:19,176 --> 01:05:20,177 YEAH. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 1561 01:05:20,220 --> 01:05:22,048 WELL, I FIGURED I'D BEGIN OFF-- 1562 01:05:22,092 --> 01:05:23,571 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME INSIDE. 1563 01:05:23,615 --> 01:05:26,313 THERE WAS AN OLD LADY IN THERE, RIGHT, 1564 01:05:26,357 --> 01:05:27,619 AND THESE 4 GUYS WERE, LIKE, 1565 01:05:27,662 --> 01:05:29,229 REALLY MESSIN' WITH HER AND GIVIN' HER TROUBLE, 1566 01:05:29,273 --> 01:05:32,276 THESE REALLY--HOODLUMS, BAD-LOOKIN' CHARACTERS, 1567 01:05:32,319 --> 01:05:34,974 AND ONE OF 'EM STOLE HER PURSE, 1568 01:05:35,018 --> 01:05:36,019 AND ANOTHER ONE-- 1569 01:05:36,062 --> 01:05:36,758 I WAS WATCHIN' THIS THE WHOLE TIME-- 1570 01:05:36,802 --> 01:05:37,977 GRABBED HER BY THE RING 1571 01:05:38,021 --> 01:05:39,326 AND WAS TRYIN' TO YANK HER WEDDING RING OFF. 1572 01:05:39,370 --> 01:05:40,545 IT WAS VERY EXPENSIVE, I GUESS, 1573 01:05:40,588 --> 01:05:41,807 'CAUSE SHE WAS FIGHTING AND FIGHTING. 1574 01:05:41,850 --> 01:05:43,983 SHE WAS SCREAMING, "HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME." 1575 01:05:44,027 --> 01:05:45,202 FINALLY, I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 1576 01:05:45,245 --> 01:05:47,465 I RAN OVER TO THE GUY. I SAID, "HEY, BUDDY, 1577 01:05:47,508 --> 01:05:49,293 "WHY DON'T YOU PUT SOME BUTTER ON HER FINGER 1578 01:05:49,336 --> 01:05:51,469 AND THE RING WILL SLIDE RIGHT OFF." 1579 01:05:51,512 --> 01:05:55,038 Woman: YOU SUCK, LOSER. 1580 01:05:55,081 --> 01:05:56,082 EKEBEM? 1581 01:05:56,126 --> 01:05:56,778 WHAT? 1582 01:05:56,822 --> 01:05:58,084 DO YOU LIKE ME? 1583 01:05:58,128 --> 01:05:58,998 NO. 1584 01:05:59,042 --> 01:05:59,999 NOT AT ALL? 1585 01:06:00,043 --> 01:06:01,087 NOT AT ALL. 1586 01:06:01,131 --> 01:06:03,960 I LIKE YOU. 1587 01:06:04,699 --> 01:06:05,700 SO? 1588 01:06:05,744 --> 01:06:08,181 SO, YOU SHOULD LIKE ME, TOO, 1589 01:06:08,225 --> 01:06:10,401 YOU KNOW? 1590 01:06:13,143 --> 01:06:14,622 IT'S A BOAT. 1591 01:06:14,666 --> 01:06:15,580 IT'S A BOAT. 1592 01:06:15,623 --> 01:06:16,624 THE BOAT. THE BOAT. 1593 01:06:16,668 --> 01:06:17,799 THE BOAT. THE BOAT. 1594 01:06:17,843 --> 01:06:18,713 IT'S A BOAT. 1595 01:06:18,757 --> 01:06:20,193 MISS AUSTRALIA, YOU ARE DEAD! 1596 01:06:20,237 --> 01:06:21,107 IT'S A BOAT. 1597 01:06:21,151 --> 01:06:23,370 YOU ARE DEAD, MISS AUSTRALIA! 1598 01:06:23,414 --> 01:06:25,111 WELL, DON'T THINK I'M A BAD GUY, 1599 01:06:25,155 --> 01:06:27,070 'CAUSE I'M NOT A BAD GUY. I'M PRETTY COOL. 1600 01:06:27,113 --> 01:06:27,984 I MEAN, I HAVE A CONSCIENCE, 1601 01:06:28,027 --> 01:06:29,115 THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYIN' TO SAY. 1602 01:06:29,159 --> 01:06:30,290 LIKE, WHEN I WAS A KID, 1603 01:06:30,334 --> 01:06:31,639 I USED TO STEAL ALKA-SELTZER ALL THE TIME, 1604 01:06:31,683 --> 01:06:34,512 AND I'D FEED THE SEAGULLS, AND THEY'D BLOW UP. 1605 01:06:34,555 --> 01:06:35,556 First woman: PU! 1606 01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:38,081 Second woman: WE LIKE 'EM BIG, BOY. 1607 01:06:38,124 --> 01:06:39,038 BOO! BOO! 1608 01:06:39,082 --> 01:06:40,083 Man: HEY, IDIOT. 1609 01:06:40,126 --> 01:06:41,127 I DON'T GET IT. 1610 01:06:41,171 --> 01:06:42,607 I THINK THIS IS FUNNY. 1611 01:06:42,650 --> 01:06:45,566 IS IT ME? DO I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH? 1612 01:06:45,610 --> 01:06:49,309 DO I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE ART OF COMEDY? 1613 01:06:49,353 --> 01:06:50,354 HMM. 1614 01:06:50,397 --> 01:06:54,358 I WONDER WHAT MILTON BERLE WOULD DO 1615 01:06:54,401 --> 01:06:55,533 IF HE WAS IN THAT SPOT. 1616 01:06:55,576 --> 01:06:59,276 Milton Berle: HEY, KID, YOU GOT A LIGHT? 1617 01:06:59,667 --> 01:07:03,758 THAT--THAT SOUNDED LIKE MILTON BERLE. 1618 01:07:04,759 --> 01:07:06,674 ARE YOU MILTON BERLE? 1619 01:07:06,718 --> 01:07:09,677 IF IT'S NOT, I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH HIS WIFE. 1620 01:07:09,721 --> 01:07:11,636 WERE YOU JUST TALKING TO YOURSELF? 1621 01:07:11,679 --> 01:07:15,335 DID I HEAR YOU SAY YOU WERE A STAND-UP COMIC? 1622 01:07:15,379 --> 01:07:16,467 YES, SIR. 1623 01:07:16,510 --> 01:07:18,773 HEY, PRETTY GOOD LOOKIN' FOR ONE OF THEM, 1624 01:07:18,817 --> 01:07:22,081 AND I LOVE THAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARIN'. 1625 01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:25,302 YOU NEVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY, DO YOU? 1626 01:07:25,345 --> 01:07:26,477 I'M KIDDIN'. 1627 01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:27,652 SIT DOWN. HAVE A SEAT. 1628 01:07:27,695 --> 01:07:30,089 RIGHT HERE AT YOUR TABLE? 1629 01:07:30,133 --> 01:07:32,526 NO, IN THE KITCHEN. 1630 01:07:32,570 --> 01:07:36,400 THANK YOU, MR. BERLE. 1631 01:07:37,531 --> 01:07:38,706 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1632 01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:40,230 SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ. 1633 01:07:40,273 --> 01:07:42,667 SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ. 1634 01:07:42,710 --> 01:07:44,234 WITH A NAME LIKE THAT, 1635 01:07:44,277 --> 01:07:45,670 YOU SHOULD GET A LAUGH RIGHT AWAY. 1636 01:07:45,713 --> 01:07:48,281 SO, KID, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. 1637 01:07:48,325 --> 01:07:49,413 YOU'RE THINKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING. 1638 01:07:49,456 --> 01:07:53,112 TELL ME, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 1639 01:07:53,156 --> 01:07:56,333 WELL, MILTON-- OH, I'M SORRY-- 1640 01:07:56,376 --> 01:07:57,638 MR. BERLE, 1641 01:07:57,682 --> 01:08:01,164 I NEED YOUR ADVICE ON GETTING LAUGHS. 1642 01:08:01,207 --> 01:08:04,645 I WAS ON THIS SHIP, AND I DID MY ACT, 1643 01:08:04,689 --> 01:08:06,125 AND NOBODY LAUGHED, 1644 01:08:06,169 --> 01:08:08,127 AND I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY. 1645 01:08:08,171 --> 01:08:11,391 TELL ME ONE OF THE JOKES THAT YOU DID ON THE SHIP. 1646 01:08:11,435 --> 01:08:13,219 OH, ALL RIGHT. OK. ALL RIGHT. 1647 01:08:13,263 --> 01:08:15,569 THERE ARE THESE TWO HOODLUMS, RIGHT, 1648 01:08:15,613 --> 01:08:17,136 AND THEY SEE THIS OLD LADY, 1649 01:08:17,180 --> 01:08:19,399 AND THIS LADY'S GOT THIS BIG RING ON, 1650 01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:20,400 SO THEY RUN OVER 1651 01:08:20,444 --> 01:08:21,488 AND THEY START YANKING ON HER RING, 1652 01:08:21,532 --> 01:08:22,402 AND THEY'RE PULLIN' ON THE RING, 1653 01:08:22,446 --> 01:08:23,403 AND THIS LADY'S LOOKIN' AT ME, 1654 01:08:23,447 --> 01:08:24,665 GOIN', "HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME," 1655 01:08:24,709 --> 01:08:25,927 AND, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO DO SOMETHIN', 1656 01:08:25,971 --> 01:08:27,538 SO I RUN OVER TO THE HOODLUMS, RIGHT? 1657 01:08:27,581 --> 01:08:28,930 HOLD IT. 1658 01:08:28,974 --> 01:08:30,541 HOODLUMS? 1659 01:08:30,584 --> 01:08:32,934 IS THIS THE BUTTER JOKE? 1660 01:08:32,978 --> 01:08:35,285 YEAH. THAT'S THE JOKE. 1661 01:08:35,328 --> 01:08:37,200 NO WONDER THEY DIDN'T LAUGH. 1662 01:08:37,243 --> 01:08:40,681 WERE THERE ANY HOODLUMS OR GANGSTERS IN THE AUDIENCE 1663 01:08:40,725 --> 01:08:42,640 WHEN YOU TOLD THAT JOKE? 1664 01:08:42,683 --> 01:08:44,163 UH, NO. I TOLD IT 1665 01:08:44,207 --> 01:08:45,643 TO A BUNCH OF BEAUTY QUEENS. 1666 01:08:45,686 --> 01:08:48,428 BEAUTY QUEENS? OH, NO. 1667 01:08:48,472 --> 01:08:50,300 AND THEN I TOLD THEM THE ONE 1668 01:08:50,343 --> 01:08:52,780 ABOUT BLOWING UP THE SEAGULLS. 1669 01:08:52,824 --> 01:08:56,393 BLOWING UP SEAGULLS. 1670 01:08:56,436 --> 01:09:01,398 KID, YOU'RE USING THE WRONG TECHNIQUE. 1671 01:09:01,441 --> 01:09:03,748 YOUNG MAN, COME OVER HERE JUST-- 1672 01:09:03,791 --> 01:09:06,620 HAVE YOU GOT A PENCIL ON YOU? 1673 01:09:06,664 --> 01:09:07,447 YES, SIR. 1674 01:09:07,491 --> 01:09:08,448 WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1675 01:09:08,492 --> 01:09:09,449 YOU GOT A PAD? SURE. 1676 01:09:09,493 --> 01:09:10,363 THAT'S IT. THANK YOU. 1677 01:09:10,407 --> 01:09:13,192 ALL RIGHT. NOW YOU'RE WORKIN'. 1678 01:09:13,236 --> 01:09:15,412 SCHECKY... 1679 01:09:15,803 --> 01:09:16,935 ALL RIGHT. 1680 01:09:16,978 --> 01:09:19,416 DON'T MAKE A WHOLE FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT. 1681 01:09:19,459 --> 01:09:21,287 WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO NOW, 1682 01:09:21,331 --> 01:09:23,289 WRITE THESE GAGS DOWN, SCHECKY. 1683 01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:25,465 I THINK ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL QUEENS 1684 01:09:25,509 --> 01:09:26,945 WILL IDENTIFY WITH THEM. 1685 01:09:26,988 --> 01:09:28,860 LAST WEEK, I DATED A GIRL 1686 01:09:28,903 --> 01:09:31,819 THAT HAD EVERYTHING A MAN WOULD WANT-- 1687 01:09:31,863 --> 01:09:34,648 MUSTACHE, HAIR UNDER THE ARMS, 1688 01:09:34,692 --> 01:09:36,389 BUSHY EYEBROWS. 1689 01:09:36,433 --> 01:09:38,261 YOU TALK ABOUT THE SAME GIRL. 1690 01:09:38,304 --> 01:09:39,697 YOU SAY, WHAT A NOSE. 1691 01:09:39,740 --> 01:09:42,874 SHE HAD TO LIFT IT TO EAT. 1692 01:09:43,570 --> 01:09:44,832 AND FOLLOW THAT UP WITH, 1693 01:09:44,876 --> 01:09:47,270 ONE GOOD LIPSTICK BROUGHT OUT HER LIPS, 1694 01:09:47,313 --> 01:09:49,968 AND ONE GOOD SNEEZE BROUGHT OUT HER TEETH. 1695 01:09:50,011 --> 01:09:52,623 THIS GIRL HAD VERY AFFECTIONATE EYES. 1696 01:09:52,666 --> 01:09:55,626 THEY ALWAYS KEPT LOOKIN' AT EACH OTHER. 1697 01:09:55,669 --> 01:09:56,931 THIS SHOULD BE A BOFFO. 1698 01:09:56,975 --> 01:09:58,672 AND WHEN SHE OPENED ONE EYE, 1699 01:09:58,716 --> 01:10:02,937 ALL SHE COULD SEE WAS THE OTHER ONE. 1700 01:10:02,981 --> 01:10:05,679 AND HER BOOBS WERE VERY SMALL... 1701 01:10:05,723 --> 01:10:09,683 SO SMALL, SHE HAD TO CARRY HER NIPPLES IN HER POCKET. 1702 01:10:09,727 --> 01:10:12,251 NOW, YOU TRY THOSE JOKES, SCHECKY. 1703 01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:16,255 THEY'LL ALL WORK. THEY ALWAYS DID. 1704 01:10:16,299 --> 01:10:18,997 WELL, SO LONG, KID. 1705 01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:20,346 LOTS OF GOOD LUCK. 1706 01:10:20,390 --> 01:10:21,478 THANK YOU, MR. BERLE. 1707 01:10:21,521 --> 01:10:24,394 OH, UH, ONE MORE THING. 1708 01:10:24,437 --> 01:10:28,702 SCHECKY, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE A COMIC, 1709 01:10:28,746 --> 01:10:31,618 THAT YOU POSSESS THE STRONGEST WEAPON 1710 01:10:31,662 --> 01:10:33,403 FOR BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER 1711 01:10:33,446 --> 01:10:34,882 AND MAKING THEM FEEL HAPPY. 1712 01:10:34,926 --> 01:10:39,060 THERE'S NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN THE WORLD 1713 01:10:39,104 --> 01:10:42,977 THAN THE POWER OF LAUGHTER. 1714 01:10:43,021 --> 01:10:45,545 REMEMBER THAT. 1715 01:10:45,589 --> 01:10:47,982 BYE-BYE. 1716 01:10:53,510 --> 01:10:57,078 WHOA. THE POWER OF LAUGHTER. 1717 01:10:57,122 --> 01:11:00,299 KING NEPTUNE WAS TALKIN' ABOUT THE POWER OF LAUGHTER. 1718 01:11:00,343 --> 01:11:02,388 MAYBE THIS PHRASE IS GONNA, LIKE, 1719 01:11:02,432 --> 01:11:03,824 TIE THE WHOLE STORY TOGETHER 1720 01:11:03,868 --> 01:11:06,566 IN SOME CLEVER WAY OR SOMETHING. 1721 01:11:06,610 --> 01:11:08,351 HMM. 1722 01:11:08,394 --> 01:11:09,526 UH, WHERE AM I GOIN'? 1723 01:11:09,569 --> 01:11:10,831 I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. 1724 01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:12,398 I'M WALKIN' AROUND LIKE I KNOW WHERE I'M GOIN'. 1725 01:11:12,442 --> 01:11:13,921 I DON'T KNOW WHAT-- LET'S SEE. 1726 01:11:13,965 --> 01:11:15,314 HOW DO I GET BACK TO THE SHIP? 1727 01:11:15,358 --> 01:11:18,361 MAYBE I SHOULD USE SOME, LIKE, MAGICAL COMEDY PHRASE. 1728 01:11:18,404 --> 01:11:19,927 I'LL TRY THAT. UM, OK. 1729 01:11:19,971 --> 01:11:23,322 WHY'D THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? 1730 01:11:23,366 --> 01:11:24,584 NOTHIN'. NAH. NO GOOD. 1731 01:11:24,628 --> 01:11:29,546 UM, WHY DO FIREMEN WEAR RED SUSPENDERS? 1732 01:11:29,589 --> 01:11:30,677 NO GOOD. NOTHIN'. 1733 01:11:30,721 --> 01:11:33,811 UM, OK. UH, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE. 1734 01:11:33,854 --> 01:11:35,682 OOH. THAT'S THE ONE, RIGHT THERE. 1735 01:11:35,726 --> 01:11:37,902 RIGHT THERE. TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE. 1736 01:11:37,945 --> 01:11:39,730 TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE. 1737 01:11:39,773 --> 01:11:42,036 TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE. 1738 01:11:42,080 --> 01:11:44,430 TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE. 1739 01:11:44,474 --> 01:11:46,650 [APPRECIATIVE LAUGHTER] 1740 01:11:46,693 --> 01:11:49,522 HEY. HEY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1741 01:11:49,566 --> 01:11:51,698 THANKS A LOT. THANK YOU, BABY. 1742 01:11:51,742 --> 01:11:53,570 ALL RIGHT. 1743 01:11:54,919 --> 01:11:57,138 HO HO HO! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1744 01:11:57,182 --> 01:11:59,053 THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT. 1745 01:11:59,097 --> 01:12:00,533 WELL, ANYWAY, SO I SEE THIS GUY 1746 01:12:00,577 --> 01:12:01,752 ON THE STREET THE OTHER DAY, RIGHT? 1747 01:12:01,795 --> 01:12:03,057 HE TELLS ME HE'S GOT AGENT ORANGE. 1748 01:12:03,101 --> 01:12:05,930 I SAID, "AT LEAST YOU HAVE AN AGENT." BOOM! 1749 01:12:05,973 --> 01:12:07,845 HA HA! 1750 01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:15,809 ALL RIGHT. OK. MY GRANDMOTHER. 1751 01:12:15,853 --> 01:12:17,550 I WAS TALKIN' TO MY GRANDMOTHER THE OTHER DAY. 1752 01:12:17,594 --> 01:12:19,465 WHAT A LADY. YOU'D LOVE HER. 1753 01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:20,771 SHE'S DEAF IN BOTH EARS, RIGHT, 1754 01:12:20,814 --> 01:12:21,989 SO WE BOUGHT HER 2 HEARING AIDS. 1755 01:12:22,033 --> 01:12:24,383 SHE KEEPS PUTTIN' 'EM BOTH IN THE SAME EAR. 1756 01:12:24,427 --> 01:12:25,602 SHE'S DEAF OVER HERE, 1757 01:12:25,645 --> 01:12:27,473 SHE'S GOT, LIKE, BAT-LIKE HEARING OVER HERE. 1758 01:12:27,517 --> 01:12:29,388 DID SOMEBODY SAY NURSING HOME? 1759 01:12:29,432 --> 01:12:31,999 THAT'S HER. THAT WAS HER VOICE. HA HA! 1760 01:12:32,043 --> 01:12:33,566 [MACHINE GUNS FIRING] 1761 01:12:33,610 --> 01:12:36,047 [CROWD SCREAMING] 1762 01:12:36,090 --> 01:12:37,701 WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHO IS THAT OVER THERE? 1763 01:12:37,744 --> 01:12:39,093 WHAT'S GOING ON? HEY, I THOUGHT-- 1764 01:12:39,137 --> 01:12:41,400 WHAT, IS THERE A SALE ON BIKINIS OR SOMETHING? 1765 01:12:41,444 --> 01:12:42,488 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 1766 01:12:42,532 --> 01:12:43,881 WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? I'M DOIN' GREAT. 1767 01:12:43,924 --> 01:12:45,535 THESE PEOPLE LOVE ME. YOU SEE, I'M FINALLY COOKIN'. 1768 01:12:45,578 --> 01:12:47,058 I'M START-- I'M A-ROLLIN'. 1769 01:12:47,101 --> 01:12:48,407 OH! 1770 01:12:48,451 --> 01:12:49,452 OW. 1771 01:12:49,495 --> 01:12:50,453 COME ON. WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 1772 01:12:50,496 --> 01:12:51,584 WHY? 1773 01:12:51,628 --> 01:12:54,195 MY GOD! MY GOD! TERRORISTS! TERRORISTS! 1774 01:12:54,239 --> 01:12:55,458 THAT'S WHY. 1775 01:12:55,501 --> 01:12:56,981 OH. 1776 01:12:57,024 --> 01:12:57,982 [RUMBLING] 1777 01:12:58,025 --> 01:12:59,853 HOLY SHIT. 1778 01:12:59,897 --> 01:13:00,680 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 1779 01:13:00,724 --> 01:13:02,552 WE FUCKIN' HIT AN ICEBERG. 1780 01:13:02,595 --> 01:13:04,467 WE HIT AN ICEBERG. 1781 01:13:04,510 --> 01:13:06,991 HOLY SHIT. ANOTHER TITANIC. 1782 01:13:07,034 --> 01:13:08,122 HURRY UP, SCHECKY. 1783 01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:09,428 COME ON, GET IN HERE. 1784 01:13:09,472 --> 01:13:12,736 I'M COMIN', I'M COMIN', I'M COMIN'. 1785 01:13:17,523 --> 01:13:20,221 WHERE IS MISS AUSTRALIA? 1786 01:13:20,265 --> 01:13:23,877 WE WANT HER NOW. SHE'S OURS. 1787 01:13:23,921 --> 01:13:27,446 WE ARE NOT FOOLING AROUND HERE. 1788 01:13:27,751 --> 01:13:31,842 WE GOT A BIG, FAT PROBLEM HERE. 1789 01:13:31,885 --> 01:13:35,759 WE NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH HER. 1790 01:13:36,499 --> 01:13:39,197 THIS IS NO JOKE. 1791 01:13:40,590 --> 01:13:44,594 FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. 1792 01:13:45,899 --> 01:13:50,687 HELLO. TESTING 1, 2, 3. 1793 01:13:50,730 --> 01:13:51,731 HELLO. 1794 01:13:51,775 --> 01:13:53,646 THIS IS GOING OUT TO ALL THE PEOPLE 1795 01:13:53,690 --> 01:13:54,560 ON THE BOAT. 1796 01:13:54,604 --> 01:13:55,474 ALL THE PEOPLE. 1797 01:13:55,518 --> 01:13:58,129 ALL WE WANT IS MISS AUSTRALIA. 1798 01:13:58,172 --> 01:13:59,696 MRS. AUSTRALIA! 1799 01:13:59,739 --> 01:14:01,132 MISS AUSTRALIA! 1800 01:14:01,175 --> 01:14:02,525 MISS AUSTRALIA? 1801 01:14:02,568 --> 01:14:04,570 SAY, ISN'T THAT THE LATE DICKIE DIAMOND'S GIRLFRIEND? 1802 01:14:04,614 --> 01:14:06,093 HOW WOULD I KNOW? I HAVEN'T DONE ANY SCENES 1803 01:14:06,137 --> 01:14:07,704 WITH DICKIE DIAMOND AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. 1804 01:14:07,747 --> 01:14:09,749 I'M QUITE SURE IT IS. HEY, THAT'S GREAT. 1805 01:14:09,793 --> 01:14:12,186 THEY WANT TO KILL HER. SHE'S A REAL BITCH, MAN. 1806 01:14:12,230 --> 01:14:14,711 YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T TALK MEAN ABOUT PEOPLE 1807 01:14:14,754 --> 01:14:15,668 BEHIND THEIR BACKS. 1808 01:14:15,712 --> 01:14:16,756 OH, WELL, I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE. 1809 01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:17,888 I'LL SAY IT TO YOUR FACE. 1810 01:14:17,931 --> 01:14:19,585 YOU'RE A PIG, HONEY. YOU WERE MEAN TO ME 1811 01:14:19,629 --> 01:14:20,760 THE OTHER NIGHT IN THE BAR. 1812 01:14:20,804 --> 01:14:23,284 WELL, I WAS A DIFFERENT WOMAN BACK THEN 1813 01:14:23,328 --> 01:14:24,851 WHEN DICKIE WAS ALIVE. 1814 01:14:24,895 --> 01:14:27,767 NOW THAT HE'S DEAD, I'M MY OWN WOMAN. 1815 01:14:27,811 --> 01:14:29,769 I'VE GOT MY OWN MIND AND IT WORKS FOR ME 1816 01:14:29,813 --> 01:14:30,944 AND NOBODY ELSE. 1817 01:14:30,988 --> 01:14:32,119 GOOD FOR YOU. 1818 01:14:32,163 --> 01:14:33,164 MRS. AUSTRALIA! 1819 01:14:33,207 --> 01:14:35,775 MISS AUSTRALIA, YOU LITTLE KANGAROO, 1820 01:14:35,819 --> 01:14:37,168 BIG MOUTH BAD BREATH. 1821 01:14:37,211 --> 01:14:39,257 YOU BETTER COME OUT! 1822 01:14:39,300 --> 01:14:40,171 OH, MY GOD. 1823 01:14:40,214 --> 01:14:42,608 IT'S TIME TO MEET YOUR MAYOR. 1824 01:14:42,652 --> 01:14:44,871 MY GOD, THEY WANT ME TO MEET THE MAYOR? 1825 01:14:44,915 --> 01:14:47,265 NO, NO. I THINK HE'S SPEAKING BROKEN ENGLISH 1826 01:14:47,308 --> 01:14:48,222 RIGHT THERE. 1827 01:14:48,266 --> 01:14:49,223 HE WANTS YOU TO MEET YOUR MAKER. 1828 01:14:49,267 --> 01:14:50,137 HE WANTS TO KILL YOU. 1829 01:14:50,181 --> 01:14:51,617 DO YOU HAVE AN EDUCATION? 1830 01:14:51,661 --> 01:14:53,793 [CRYING] 1831 01:14:53,837 --> 01:14:55,969 OY, MISS AUSTRALIA, 1832 01:14:56,013 --> 01:14:57,623 WHEN I FIND YOU, 1833 01:14:57,667 --> 01:14:59,233 I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR HANDS 1834 01:14:59,277 --> 01:15:00,539 AND I'M GONNA CUT OFF 1835 01:15:00,583 --> 01:15:01,975 ALL YOUR PRETTY LITTLE FINGERNAILS 1836 01:15:02,019 --> 01:15:04,151 AND I'M GONNA SWALLOW THEM... 1837 01:15:04,195 --> 01:15:05,022 YUM! 1838 01:15:05,065 --> 01:15:05,936 AND THEY'RE GONNA GO THROUGH 1839 01:15:05,979 --> 01:15:06,937 MY DIGESTIVE TRACT. 1840 01:15:06,980 --> 01:15:08,547 AND THE ONLY THING IS, 1841 01:15:08,591 --> 01:15:09,983 THEY'RE NOT GONNA DIGEST! 1842 01:15:10,027 --> 01:15:12,072 OH, MY GOD! HE CAN'T. 1843 01:15:12,116 --> 01:15:14,248 ALL I SAID WAS THAT GENERAL NORIEGA 1844 01:15:14,292 --> 01:15:15,206 HAD BAD BREATH. 1845 01:15:15,249 --> 01:15:17,208 IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO GROW THESE. 1846 01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:18,296 YOU KNOW, I BROKE ONE, 1847 01:15:18,339 --> 01:15:19,993 AND THEN JUST AS IT WAS GROWING BACK, 1848 01:15:20,037 --> 01:15:20,951 I BROKE ANOTHER ONE. 1849 01:15:20,994 --> 01:15:22,082 THEY'RE FINALLY ALL EVEN. 1850 01:15:22,126 --> 01:15:23,823 HE CAN'T DO IT. HE CAN'T! 1851 01:15:23,867 --> 01:15:24,824 I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! 1852 01:15:24,868 --> 01:15:29,220 NO, NO, ELLEN. ELLEN, WAIT! 1853 01:15:30,221 --> 01:15:31,439 WOW. 1854 01:15:31,483 --> 01:15:33,920 DON'T WOMEN LOOK FUNNY WHEN THEY RUN IN HEELS? 1855 01:15:33,964 --> 01:15:35,879 LET'S GO. 1856 01:15:40,797 --> 01:15:42,189 OH, THERE SHE GOES! 1857 01:15:42,233 --> 01:15:45,062 WELL, GO, GO! 1858 01:15:45,410 --> 01:15:47,543 [FIRES GUN] 1859 01:15:56,987 --> 01:15:59,032 COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! 1860 01:15:59,076 --> 01:16:00,643 OH! 1861 01:16:05,778 --> 01:16:07,301 LOOK OUT! 1862 01:16:07,345 --> 01:16:11,044 ♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1863 01:16:11,088 --> 01:16:13,873 ♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE, NO 1864 01:16:13,917 --> 01:16:18,617 ♪ GOT NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1865 01:16:18,661 --> 01:16:21,141 ♪ AND NOWHERE TO HIDE 1866 01:16:21,185 --> 01:16:24,884 ♪ IT'S NOT LOVE I'VE BEEN RUNNING FROM ♪ 1867 01:16:24,928 --> 01:16:29,236 ♪ IT'S THE HEARTBREAK I KNOW WILL COME ♪ 1868 01:16:29,280 --> 01:16:32,979 ♪ 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME ♪ 1869 01:16:33,023 --> 01:16:36,026 ♪ BUT YOU'VE BECOME A PART OF ME ♪ 1870 01:16:36,069 --> 01:16:37,984 ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO 1871 01:16:38,028 --> 01:16:39,725 ♪ YOUR FACE I SEE 1872 01:16:39,769 --> 01:16:41,727 ♪ EVERY STEP I TAKE 1873 01:16:41,771 --> 01:16:45,035 ♪ YOU TAKE WITH ME 1874 01:16:45,078 --> 01:16:48,647 ♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1875 01:16:48,691 --> 01:16:51,041 ♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE, YEAH... ♪ 1876 01:16:51,084 --> 01:16:52,433 HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE SHIRT? 1877 01:16:52,477 --> 01:16:53,347 OH, THIS ONE? 1878 01:16:53,391 --> 01:16:54,740 YEAH, THAT SHIRT. 1879 01:16:54,784 --> 01:16:56,220 OH, I LIKE THE PINK ONE, AND BOB LIKES THE GREEN ONE. 1880 01:16:56,263 --> 01:16:57,264 WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE? 1881 01:16:57,308 --> 01:16:59,005 THEY BOTH STINK. 1882 01:16:59,049 --> 01:17:02,269 ♪ I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME ♪ 1883 01:17:02,313 --> 01:17:04,315 ♪ BUT FREE OF YOU 1884 01:17:04,358 --> 01:17:06,752 ♪ I'LL NEVER BE 1885 01:17:06,796 --> 01:17:07,579 ♪ NO 1886 01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:10,713 ♪ EACH NIGHT AS I SLEEP 1887 01:17:10,756 --> 01:17:14,020 ♪ INTO MY HEART YOU CREEP ♪ 1888 01:17:14,064 --> 01:17:17,676 ♪ I WAKE UP FEELIN' SORRY I MET YOU ♪ 1889 01:17:17,720 --> 01:17:20,940 ♪ HOPIN' SOON THAT I'LL FORGET YOU ♪ 1890 01:17:20,984 --> 01:17:23,203 ♪ WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR ♪ 1891 01:17:23,247 --> 01:17:24,944 ♪ TO COMB MY HAIR 1892 01:17:24,988 --> 01:17:26,903 ♪ I SEE YOUR FACE 1893 01:17:26,946 --> 01:17:29,209 ♪ JUST A-SMILIN' THERE 1894 01:17:29,253 --> 01:17:30,080 ♪ YEAH 1895 01:17:30,123 --> 01:17:33,387 ♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1896 01:17:33,431 --> 01:17:36,913 ♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE 1897 01:17:36,956 --> 01:17:39,437 ♪ RUN TO, BABY 1898 01:17:39,480 --> 01:17:41,395 ♪ GOT NOWHERE TO RUN... 1899 01:17:41,439 --> 01:17:42,962 OH, GOD. 1900 01:17:43,006 --> 01:17:45,008 HEY, WHAT'S WRONG? 1901 01:17:45,051 --> 01:17:46,487 JUST BECAUSE I'M PRETTY, 1902 01:17:46,531 --> 01:17:49,055 EVERYBODY THINKS I'M STUPID. 1903 01:17:49,099 --> 01:17:50,274 WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? 1904 01:17:50,317 --> 01:17:52,363 I HATE BEING BEAUTIFUL. 1905 01:17:52,406 --> 01:17:54,800 SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS AN UGLY, OLD HAG 1906 01:17:54,844 --> 01:17:57,934 WITH BURN MARKS OR WARTS ALL OVER MY FACE 1907 01:17:57,977 --> 01:17:59,979 AND PEOPLE WOULD JUST RUN IN TERROR 1908 01:18:00,023 --> 01:18:01,502 WHEN THEY LOOKED AT ME. 1909 01:18:01,546 --> 01:18:03,156 WHY? 1910 01:18:03,200 --> 01:18:05,855 BECAUSE BEING PRETTY ISN'T PRETTY. 1911 01:18:05,898 --> 01:18:07,334 LOOK, LOOK. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. 1912 01:18:07,378 --> 01:18:11,425 YOU SEE, I HAVE THIS MORBID DESIRE TO BE DEFORMED. 1913 01:18:11,469 --> 01:18:13,166 GOD, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 1914 01:18:13,210 --> 01:18:14,777 I NEVER REALIZED HOW HARD IT WAS 1915 01:18:14,820 --> 01:18:17,127 FOR A YOUNG GIRL TO BE SO GORGEOUS. 1916 01:18:17,170 --> 01:18:19,782 IT'S A LIVING HELL. 1917 01:18:19,825 --> 01:18:21,827 [MACHINE GUNFIRE] 1918 01:18:21,871 --> 01:18:26,527 ♪ GOT NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1919 01:18:26,571 --> 01:18:29,400 ♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE 1920 01:18:29,443 --> 01:18:32,185 ♪ I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME ♪ 1921 01:18:32,229 --> 01:18:39,236 ♪ BUT FREE OF YOU I'LL NEVER BE, NO-- ♪ 1922 01:18:41,020 --> 01:18:42,413 CLIMB THE LADDER. 1923 01:18:42,456 --> 01:18:43,544 CLIMB THE-- 1924 01:18:43,588 --> 01:18:45,416 WHY DO YOU WANT 'EM TO CLIMB THE LADDER? 1925 01:18:45,459 --> 01:18:47,244 [SIGHS] 1926 01:18:48,158 --> 01:18:49,246 ♪ HOPIN' SOON 1927 01:18:49,289 --> 01:18:51,204 ♪ THAT I'D FORGET YOU 1928 01:18:51,248 --> 01:18:53,337 ♪ WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR ♪ 1929 01:18:53,380 --> 01:18:55,339 ♪ TO COMB MY HAIR 1930 01:18:55,382 --> 01:18:56,819 ♪ I SEE YOUR FACE 1931 01:18:56,862 --> 01:18:59,169 ♪ JUST A-SMILIN' THERE 1932 01:18:59,212 --> 01:19:00,170 ♪ YEAH 1933 01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:03,782 ♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪ 1934 01:19:03,826 --> 01:19:07,351 ♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE 1935 01:19:07,394 --> 01:19:08,874 ♪ RUN TO, BABY 1936 01:19:08,918 --> 01:19:13,270 ♪ GOT NOWHERE TO RUN FROM YOU, BABY ♪ 1937 01:19:13,313 --> 01:19:14,271 ♪ OH, NO 1938 01:19:14,314 --> 01:19:18,144 ♪ I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME ♪ 1939 01:19:18,188 --> 01:19:22,540 ♪ BUT YOU'VE BECOME A PART OF ME ♪ 1940 01:19:22,583 --> 01:19:26,413 ♪ HOW CAN I FIGHT A LOVER... ♪ 1941 01:19:26,457 --> 01:19:27,632 OH, GOD. 1942 01:19:27,675 --> 01:19:30,461 THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME BEFORE I GET A CHANCE 1943 01:19:30,504 --> 01:19:32,202 TO BE AN ACTRESS. 1944 01:19:32,245 --> 01:19:33,420 ALL MY HOPES, 1945 01:19:33,464 --> 01:19:35,074 ALL MY DREAMS. 1946 01:19:35,118 --> 01:19:37,337 I HAD A LINE ON GENERAL HOSPITAL 1947 01:19:37,381 --> 01:19:38,425 LAST WEEK. 1948 01:19:38,469 --> 01:19:39,426 YOU DID? 1949 01:19:39,470 --> 01:19:40,601 WHAT WAS IT? 1950 01:19:40,645 --> 01:19:44,475 "CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING FROM THE BAR?" 1951 01:19:44,518 --> 01:19:45,563 OH, MY GOD. 1952 01:19:45,606 --> 01:19:47,130 I SAY THAT ALL THE TIME. 1953 01:19:47,173 --> 01:19:49,219 REALLY? OH, I WISH YOU'D BEEN THERE 1954 01:19:49,262 --> 01:19:50,394 TO COACH ME. 1955 01:19:50,437 --> 01:19:52,439 ME, TOO. 1956 01:19:58,097 --> 01:20:00,273 OH, JEEZ, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 1957 01:20:00,317 --> 01:20:01,274 DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TELL HER 1958 01:20:01,318 --> 01:20:03,059 ABOUT BOB'S LITTLE INFECTION, HUH? 1959 01:20:03,102 --> 01:20:05,322 SHOULD I? FORGET IT. 1960 01:20:09,326 --> 01:20:11,981 YO, MISS AUSTRALIA? 1961 01:20:12,024 --> 01:20:13,330 YOU BETTER COME OUT HERE, 1962 01:20:13,373 --> 01:20:15,941 OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO START KILLING HOSTAGES 1963 01:20:15,985 --> 01:20:17,334 IN 3 0R 4 SECONDS... 1964 01:20:17,377 --> 01:20:18,248 3 SECONDS! 1965 01:20:18,291 --> 01:20:19,945 STARTING WITH THIS GIRL HERE. 1966 01:20:19,989 --> 01:20:21,381 MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY TO SAVE HER. 1967 01:20:21,425 --> 01:20:23,253 NO, SHE ALWAYS WINS WHENEVER WE COMPETE. 1968 01:20:23,296 --> 01:20:26,430 THIS COULD BE MY ONLY CHANCE FOR MISS INTERNATIONAL. 1969 01:20:26,473 --> 01:20:28,649 NOW THAT IS A COMPETITIVE BITCH 1970 01:20:28,693 --> 01:20:29,607 RIGHT THERE. 1971 01:20:29,650 --> 01:20:30,477 I'M SO SELFISH. 1972 01:20:30,521 --> 01:20:32,305 I'VE GOT TO GIVE MYSELF UP. 1973 01:20:32,349 --> 01:20:34,655 YOU GUYS STAY HERE. 1974 01:20:34,699 --> 01:20:35,918 JUST KIDDING... 1975 01:20:35,961 --> 01:20:38,311 LOOK, I THINK THE GENERAL'S A GREAT GUY. 1976 01:20:38,355 --> 01:20:40,661 I ONLY SAID IT TO BE SMART. 1977 01:20:40,705 --> 01:20:43,316 LOOK, HE PROBABLY SMELLS TERRIFIC. 1978 01:20:43,360 --> 01:20:44,317 COME TO MENTION IT, 1979 01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:45,884 YOU GUYS AREN'T SO BAD YOURSELF-- 1980 01:20:45,928 --> 01:20:46,493 AAH! 1981 01:20:46,537 --> 01:20:48,191 SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 1982 01:20:48,234 --> 01:20:50,106 [SQUEALING] 1983 01:20:51,324 --> 01:20:52,238 HEY, BOB? 1984 01:20:52,282 --> 01:20:53,326 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS? 1985 01:20:53,370 --> 01:20:55,502 WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY TO SAVE HER. 1986 01:20:55,546 --> 01:20:58,070 YEAH, YEAH, BOB. 1987 01:20:58,114 --> 01:20:59,158 WHAT? 1988 01:20:59,202 --> 01:21:00,333 WELL, I FIGURED YOU JUST HAD 1989 01:21:00,377 --> 01:21:01,595 YOUR TONGUE DOWN THE GIRL'S THROAT. 1990 01:21:01,639 --> 01:21:04,642 MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO AND SAVE HER. 1991 01:21:04,685 --> 01:21:06,905 [SCREAMING] 1992 01:21:07,210 --> 01:21:08,907 COME ON, SCHECKY. 1993 01:21:08,951 --> 01:21:10,082 DON'T PUT ME ON THE SPOT. 1994 01:21:10,126 --> 01:21:12,563 I HAVE A REALLY STRONG FEAR OF DEATH. 1995 01:21:12,606 --> 01:21:13,520 OH, I GOT A FEAR OF DEATH, 1996 01:21:13,564 --> 01:21:15,348 BUT I ALSO HAVE A STRONGER SENSE 1997 01:21:15,392 --> 01:21:16,654 OF GUILT, MAN, AND JEEZ, 1998 01:21:16,697 --> 01:21:18,264 I MEAN, YOU WERE JUST MAKING OUT 1999 01:21:18,308 --> 01:21:19,222 WITH THE GIRL. I WOULD FEEL 2000 01:21:19,265 --> 01:21:20,919 YOU'D KIND OF WANT TO SAVE HER. 2001 01:21:20,963 --> 01:21:21,920 FINE, FINE! 2002 01:21:21,964 --> 01:21:23,008 FINE, I'LL GO. 2003 01:21:23,052 --> 01:21:24,053 I'LL GO AND GET SHOT AT 2004 01:21:24,096 --> 01:21:26,620 SAVING SOME GIRL I WAS JUST KISSING. 2005 01:21:26,664 --> 01:21:28,535 YOU STAY HERE... 2006 01:21:28,579 --> 01:21:29,710 COWARD! 2007 01:21:29,754 --> 01:21:31,364 OH... 2008 01:21:31,408 --> 01:21:33,497 GET OFF OF HER! 2009 01:21:35,368 --> 01:21:37,066 I WAS LYING TO BOB RIGHT THERE. 2010 01:21:37,109 --> 01:21:39,198 I DO HAVE A STRONGER FEAR OF DEATH 2011 01:21:39,242 --> 01:21:40,678 COMPARED TO MY SENSE OF GUILT, 2012 01:21:40,721 --> 01:21:42,723 BUT DEATH--EW-- MAKES ME NAUSEOUS. 2013 01:21:42,767 --> 01:21:43,550 I DON'T WANT DEATH. 2014 01:21:43,594 --> 01:21:44,682 YOU GET BURIED UNDERGROUND, 2015 01:21:44,725 --> 01:21:46,205 YOU GET DIRT ALL OVER YOU 2016 01:21:46,249 --> 01:21:47,380 WITH WORMS--EW-- 2017 01:21:47,424 --> 01:21:48,381 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 2018 01:21:48,425 --> 01:21:49,600 SO, YOU KNOW, IF I GET OUT THERE, 2019 01:21:49,643 --> 01:21:50,601 THERE'S A CHANCE I'M GONNA GET SHOT, 2020 01:21:50,644 --> 01:21:51,776 AND I DON'T LIKE THAT, 2021 01:21:51,819 --> 01:21:53,430 AND THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR MY CAREER, EITHER. 2022 01:21:53,473 --> 01:21:54,953 YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT. 2023 01:21:54,997 --> 01:21:56,215 I AIN'T GOING. OH, YEAH. 2024 01:21:56,259 --> 01:21:57,564 COME TO THINK OF IT... 2025 01:21:57,608 --> 01:21:59,523 WHERE DO YOU THINK WE GO... 2026 01:21:59,566 --> 01:22:00,959 WHEN WE DIE? 2027 01:22:01,003 --> 01:22:02,743 I'M THINKING OF THAT RIGHT NOW. 2028 01:22:02,787 --> 01:22:05,311 WELL, I FEEL EVERYONE GOES TO PURGATORY FIRST. 2029 01:22:05,355 --> 01:22:07,966 AND THEN, AFTER EVERYONE PRAYS FOR YOU, 2030 01:22:08,010 --> 01:22:08,880 YOU GO TO HEAVEN. 2031 01:22:08,924 --> 01:22:11,709 HEAVEN IS A PLACE UP ABOVE... 2032 01:22:11,752 --> 01:22:13,232 PEARLY GATES. 2033 01:22:13,276 --> 01:22:14,625 HEAVEN IS BRIGHT LIGHTS, 2034 01:22:14,668 --> 01:22:17,062 REAL CALM, REAL SERENE. 2035 01:22:17,106 --> 01:22:20,370 LOTS OF ANGELS AND THINGS. 2036 01:22:20,413 --> 01:22:21,762 AH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK. 2037 01:22:21,806 --> 01:22:22,938 I THINK THAT WHEN WE DIE, 2038 01:22:22,981 --> 01:22:28,247 WE JUST GET ON THIS DARK, LONELY SPIRAL... 2039 01:22:28,291 --> 01:22:29,553 RIGHT DOWN TO NOTHINGNESS. 2040 01:22:29,596 --> 01:22:31,207 THAT'S WHERE WE GO, AND THAT'S NOT COOL WITH ME. 2041 01:22:31,250 --> 01:22:32,730 SO, I'M NOT GONNA GET OUT THERE, 2042 01:22:32,773 --> 01:22:35,037 BECAUSE I COULD GET SHOT, AND THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.... 2043 01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:37,474 Milton's Voice: SCHECKY, YOU REMEMBER THE POWER. 2044 01:22:37,517 --> 01:22:41,521 KILL 'EM WITH LAUGHS BEFORE THEY KILL YOU. 2045 01:22:42,044 --> 01:22:43,741 THAT WAS THAT BERLE GUY AGAIN. 2046 01:22:43,784 --> 01:22:45,090 I GUESS I BETTER SHUT UP. 2047 01:22:45,134 --> 01:22:46,091 WHAT? WHAT? 2048 01:22:46,135 --> 01:22:48,137 Milton: USE THE POWER OF LAUGHTER. 2049 01:22:48,180 --> 01:22:49,529 LAUGHTER? POWER OF LAUGHTER? 2050 01:22:49,573 --> 01:22:50,617 HE ALWAYS SAID THAT. 2051 01:22:50,661 --> 01:22:52,097 MAYBE THAT HAS A MEANING OR SOMETHING. 2052 01:22:52,141 --> 01:22:54,404 POWER OF... OH, AH, AH! 2053 01:22:54,447 --> 01:22:55,796 I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS. 2054 01:22:55,840 --> 01:22:56,623 YEAH... 2055 01:22:56,667 --> 01:22:57,668 I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS. 2056 01:22:57,711 --> 01:23:00,627 I'LL GET THE-- SKEEDIL-EE-DEE-DA-DEE! 2057 01:23:00,671 --> 01:23:02,542 SKEEDIL-EE DEE-DA-DEE! 2058 01:23:02,586 --> 01:23:03,456 AAH! 2059 01:23:03,500 --> 01:23:04,414 WHO ARE YOU? 2060 01:23:04,457 --> 01:23:05,589 AH, MOSKOWITZ. SCHECKY MOSKOWITZ. 2061 01:23:05,632 --> 01:23:07,199 WHAT'S YOUR NAME THERE, PAL? 2062 01:23:07,243 --> 01:23:08,244 I'M ACHMED. 2063 01:23:08,287 --> 01:23:09,506 AH, ACHMED, WITH A LOT OF SPIT THERE. 2064 01:23:09,549 --> 01:23:10,507 THAT'S GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO 2065 01:23:10,550 --> 01:23:11,551 FOR A LIVING, THERE, HUH? 2066 01:23:11,595 --> 01:23:13,031 I FIGHT FOR THE PEOPLE. 2067 01:23:13,075 --> 01:23:14,641 THE PEOPLE'S PEOPLE'S PEOPLE. 2068 01:23:14,685 --> 01:23:15,555 AH, I LIKE PEOPLE. 2069 01:23:15,599 --> 01:23:17,296 FREEDOM FIGHTER. THAT'S ME. 2070 01:23:17,340 --> 01:23:19,211 I WORK FOR THE CONTRA REBELS SOMETIMES. 2071 01:23:19,255 --> 01:23:20,778 I'M SURE YOU DO. I WOULD, TOO-- 2072 01:23:20,821 --> 01:23:22,475 SOMETIMES I DELIVER FOR DOMINO'S. 2073 01:23:22,519 --> 01:23:24,521 HALF HOUR OR LESS. 2074 01:23:24,782 --> 01:23:26,653 OK, MISS AUSTRALIA. 2075 01:23:26,697 --> 01:23:28,655 ANY LAST REQUESTS? 2076 01:23:28,699 --> 01:23:29,613 YES... 2077 01:23:29,656 --> 01:23:32,268 I'D LIKE TO SING ONE LAST SONG... 2078 01:23:32,311 --> 01:23:35,401 I WON THE MISS AUSTRALIA CONTEST WITH THIS LAST YEAR, 2079 01:23:35,445 --> 01:23:38,143 AND IT WOULD REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME. 2080 01:23:38,187 --> 01:23:42,191 OK, SING YOUR HEART OUT. 2081 01:23:42,408 --> 01:23:45,150 ♪ AUSTRALIA'S SONS 2082 01:23:45,194 --> 01:23:47,065 ♪ LET US REJOICE 2083 01:23:47,109 --> 01:23:50,851 ♪ FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND FREE-- ♪ 2084 01:23:50,895 --> 01:23:53,332 THIS IS HOW MY MOTHER CARRIED ME WHEN I WAS A BABY. 2085 01:23:53,376 --> 01:23:55,247 BUT CAN YOU LET GO A LITTLE, PLEASE, 2086 01:23:55,291 --> 01:23:56,596 BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE SICK. 2087 01:23:56,640 --> 01:23:58,337 YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M SICK, MY MOTHER ALWAYS TELLS ME 2088 01:23:58,381 --> 01:23:59,208 TO DRINK LIQUIDS. 2089 01:23:59,251 --> 01:24:00,426 I THINK SHE'S RIGHT, THOUGH, 2090 01:24:00,470 --> 01:24:02,080 BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DRINK A SOLID, I CHOKE. 2091 01:24:02,124 --> 01:24:03,560 BOOM! HA HA HA. 2092 01:24:03,603 --> 01:24:04,735 YEAH. 2093 01:24:04,778 --> 01:24:08,521 ♪ WITH GOLDEN SOIL AND WEALTH FOR TOIL ♪ 2094 01:24:08,565 --> 01:24:12,786 ♪ OUR HOME IS GIRT BY SEA-- ♪ 2095 01:24:12,830 --> 01:24:15,354 YEAH, SPEAKING OF DRINKS, YOU KNOW-- 2096 01:24:15,398 --> 01:24:16,790 THIS IS WHAT I DO TO GET FREE DRINKS. 2097 01:24:16,834 --> 01:24:18,096 I KIND OF INSULT A GIRL. 2098 01:24:18,140 --> 01:24:19,358 I SAY, "BABY, YOU'RE KIND OF UGLY." 2099 01:24:19,402 --> 01:24:21,360 SHE TAKES HER DRINK AND THROWS IT IN MY FACE. 2100 01:24:21,404 --> 01:24:22,666 I OPEN UP MY MOUTH, RIGHT? 2101 01:24:22,709 --> 01:24:25,364 AND AFTER 6 OR 7 GIRLS, I GET A GOOD BUZZ GOING. 2102 01:24:25,408 --> 01:24:27,323 HA HA HA! 2103 01:24:27,366 --> 01:24:29,412 ♪ AUSTRALIA'S SONS 2104 01:24:29,455 --> 01:24:31,153 ♪ LET US REJOICE 2105 01:24:31,196 --> 01:24:34,199 ♪ FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND FREE ♪ 2106 01:24:34,243 --> 01:24:37,463 OK, OK. THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 2107 01:24:37,507 --> 01:24:41,641 [CONTINUES SINGING UNINTELLIGIBLY] 2108 01:24:41,685 --> 01:24:43,382 OK, THAT DOES IT! 2109 01:24:43,426 --> 01:24:44,383 AAH! 2110 01:24:44,427 --> 01:24:45,558 [LAUGHING] 2111 01:24:45,602 --> 01:24:46,646 YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A WHIRL, BABY? 2112 01:24:46,690 --> 01:24:47,865 COME ON, GIVE IT A TRY. 2113 01:24:47,908 --> 01:24:49,258 GO AHEAD. 2114 01:24:49,301 --> 01:24:52,217 SO I SAID TO THE MAN... 2115 01:24:52,261 --> 01:24:53,784 TAKE MY WIFE... 2116 01:24:53,827 --> 01:24:54,828 PLEASE? 2117 01:24:54,872 --> 01:24:56,439 YEAH! 2118 01:24:59,268 --> 01:25:00,747 SPEAKING OF, UM... 2119 01:25:00,791 --> 01:25:01,792 MY WIFE, 2120 01:25:01,835 --> 01:25:02,923 SHE'S SO FAT... 2121 01:25:02,967 --> 01:25:04,229 HOW FAT IS SHE? 2122 01:25:04,273 --> 01:25:05,274 SHE'S SO FAT... 2123 01:25:05,317 --> 01:25:07,145 THAT WHEN SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE, 2124 01:25:07,189 --> 01:25:10,801 SHE'S ALL THE WAY AROUND THE HOUSE. 2125 01:25:15,632 --> 01:25:18,461 [WEAKLY SINGING] 2126 01:25:23,553 --> 01:25:25,642 DARLING... 2127 01:25:28,253 --> 01:25:28,993 ACHMED... 2128 01:25:29,036 --> 01:25:29,776 I WANT TO BE A COMEDIAN. 2129 01:25:29,820 --> 01:25:31,169 I MAKE THE PEOPLE LAUGH. 2130 01:25:31,213 --> 01:25:32,605 I THINK THEY LOVE ME. 2131 01:25:32,649 --> 01:25:33,780 I--I-- 2132 01:25:33,824 --> 01:25:34,868 [CRYING] 2133 01:25:34,912 --> 01:25:37,262 ARE YOU OK? 2134 01:25:37,306 --> 01:25:38,176 YEAH. 2135 01:25:38,220 --> 01:25:39,264 ARE YOU OK? 2136 01:25:39,308 --> 01:25:40,961 WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE BUMP ON MY HEAD, 2137 01:25:41,005 --> 01:25:43,181 BUT I DON'T THINK IT SHOWS A BRUISE. 2138 01:25:43,225 --> 01:25:44,617 OH... 2139 01:25:45,401 --> 01:25:47,881 WHY DID YOU SAVE ME? 2140 01:25:49,231 --> 01:25:50,667 BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. 2141 01:25:50,710 --> 01:25:53,626 OH, JEEZ, DO YOU? 2142 01:25:53,670 --> 01:25:56,238 I LOVE YOU, TOO. 2143 01:25:58,457 --> 01:25:59,893 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 2144 01:25:59,937 --> 01:26:02,287 OH, YEAH. 2145 01:26:06,857 --> 01:26:10,513 I THINK I'M A LAUGHER, NOT A FIGHTER. 2146 01:26:10,556 --> 01:26:11,514 KISS ME. 2147 01:26:11,557 --> 01:26:13,298 WHAT ABOUT KILLING MISS AUSTRALIA? 2148 01:26:13,342 --> 01:26:14,386 NO, FORGET IT. 2149 01:26:14,430 --> 01:26:15,648 SCHECKY SAID WE COULD MOVE IN WITH HIM 2150 01:26:15,692 --> 01:26:18,303 AND WE COULD--WE COULD LIVE IN AMERICA WITH HIM 2151 01:26:18,347 --> 01:26:20,262 AND WHEN-- HE COULD TEACH US 2152 01:26:20,305 --> 01:26:22,438 THE FINE ART OF COMEDY. 2153 01:26:22,481 --> 01:26:23,526 REALLY? 2154 01:26:23,569 --> 01:26:24,440 REALLY. 2155 01:26:24,483 --> 01:26:25,702 WILL HE WRITE ALL HIS OWN, UH, 2156 01:26:25,745 --> 01:26:26,964 COMEDY MATERIAL FOR US? 2157 01:26:27,007 --> 01:26:28,531 I WILL WRITE ALL YOUR MATERIAL, 2158 01:26:28,574 --> 01:26:30,620 OF COURSE, AND IF YOU GUYS WANT, 2159 01:26:30,663 --> 01:26:31,621 I'LL GET YOU IN A MOVIE. 2160 01:26:31,664 --> 01:26:32,665 SEE THAT? THERE'S A MOVIE CAMERA, 2161 01:26:32,709 --> 01:26:33,710 RIGHT THERE. WHY DON'T YOU GUYS 2162 01:26:33,753 --> 01:26:34,928 DO SOME COMEDY? RIGHT NOW, 2163 01:26:34,972 --> 01:26:35,929 FOR THAT CAMERA. 2164 01:26:35,973 --> 01:26:37,757 THE MOVIES? 2165 01:26:37,801 --> 01:26:38,802 OK... 2166 01:26:38,845 --> 01:26:40,673 OK, UM... 2167 01:26:40,717 --> 01:26:42,675 SO, UM... 2168 01:26:42,719 --> 01:26:46,462 WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND SMELLS, UM... 2169 01:26:46,505 --> 01:26:47,854 LIKE, LIKE, CARROTS? 2170 01:26:47,898 --> 01:26:50,379 UH, CARROTS. OK, I KNOW THAT ONE. 2171 01:26:50,422 --> 01:26:51,684 I KNOW THAT ONE... 2172 01:26:51,728 --> 01:26:52,946 I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE. 2173 01:26:52,990 --> 01:26:53,860 I DON'T KNOW. 2174 01:26:53,904 --> 01:26:54,861 YOU DON'T KNOW IT? 2175 01:26:54,905 --> 01:26:55,775 IT'S 'CAUSE IT'S-- 2176 01:26:55,819 --> 01:26:57,516 IT'S LITTLE, TEENY BUNNY FART. 2177 01:26:57,560 --> 01:26:59,866 [LAUGHING] 2178 01:27:02,913 --> 01:27:05,742 DADDY, LET ME OUT. 2179 01:27:07,918 --> 01:27:10,877 I WON'T BE FOOLING AROUND ANYMORE. 2180 01:27:10,921 --> 01:27:13,750 I PROMISE. 2181 01:27:13,793 --> 01:27:17,319 WHO IS IT RUNNING OVER TO FIRST BASE... 2182 01:27:17,362 --> 01:27:20,800 WITH THE SECOND BASE THERE GUY? 2183 01:27:20,844 --> 01:27:21,671 MUST BE... 2184 01:27:21,714 --> 01:27:23,063 Both: THIRD BASE! 2185 01:27:23,107 --> 01:27:25,544 [LAUGHING] 2186 01:27:27,938 --> 01:27:29,766 LOVE... 2187 01:27:29,809 --> 01:27:30,723 YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LOVE. 2188 01:27:30,767 --> 01:27:33,857 YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THIS. 2189 01:27:44,955 --> 01:27:46,565 SOMEBODY... 2190 01:27:46,609 --> 01:27:48,785 PLEASE LET ME OUT. 2191 01:27:49,438 --> 01:27:50,439 I SWEAR TO GOD, 2192 01:27:50,482 --> 01:27:53,659 I WILL NEVER FLIP ANYBODY OFF AGAIN. 2193 01:27:55,444 --> 01:27:56,706 I'LL NEVER CURSE. 2194 01:27:56,749 --> 01:27:58,403 SOMEBODY, PLEASE? 2195 01:27:58,447 --> 01:28:00,710 IF YOU'RE UP THERE... 2196 01:28:01,450 --> 01:28:03,278 PLEASE. 2197 01:28:23,689 --> 01:28:25,125 AHH... 2198 01:28:25,169 --> 01:28:27,954 YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS. 2199 01:28:27,998 --> 01:28:29,782 YOU STUPID FUCKS! 2200 01:28:29,826 --> 01:28:30,783 I'M AN ATHEIST! 2201 01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:32,002 HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH. 2202 01:28:32,045 --> 01:28:33,220 OW. 2203 01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:34,831 Achmed: SO, I'M FOR TO PLAY IN THE BASEBALL 2204 01:28:34,874 --> 01:28:37,616 AND I'M MAKING TOUCHDOWN FOR THE HOME TEAM. 2205 01:28:37,660 --> 01:28:38,704 I'M THE HERO! 2206 01:28:38,748 --> 01:28:40,489 [LAUGHING] 2207 01:28:40,967 --> 01:28:43,448 SO, SPEAKING OF THE BASEBALLS, 2208 01:28:43,492 --> 01:28:45,102 HOW MANY ONE-EYED LIZARDS 2209 01:28:45,145 --> 01:28:48,497 DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE A TWO-EYED LIZARD? 2210 01:28:48,540 --> 01:28:52,805 HEY, HEY, YOU MOTHERFUCKER. 2211 01:28:52,849 --> 01:28:53,806 3! 2212 01:28:53,850 --> 01:28:57,114 3, 3 ONE-EYED LIZARDS. WHY IS IT 3? 2213 01:28:57,157 --> 01:28:58,115 3 ONE-EYED LIZARDS, 2214 01:28:58,158 --> 01:29:00,639 BECAUSE ONE OF THEM IS BLINDER. 2215 01:29:00,683 --> 01:29:01,727 [LAUGHING] 2216 01:29:01,771 --> 01:29:04,861 [ACHMED AND EKEBEM CONTINUE BANTERING] 2217 01:29:09,605 --> 01:29:11,389 ...HOW CAN HE SEE? 2218 01:29:11,433 --> 01:29:13,696 BECAUSE HE'S A BLIND LIZARD! 2219 01:29:13,739 --> 01:29:17,177 YOU FUCKING UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS... 2220 01:29:17,221 --> 01:29:19,092 GET THE FUCK OFF MY STAGE. 2221 01:29:19,136 --> 01:29:21,007 I WANT MY FUCKING JOB BACK. 2222 01:29:21,051 --> 01:29:22,835 Woman: HEY, LOOK! THAT'S THE DEAD GUY! 2223 01:29:22,879 --> 01:29:25,490 Man: YEAH, THAT'S THE DEAD COMEDIAN. 2224 01:29:25,534 --> 01:29:27,013 HEY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. 2225 01:29:27,057 --> 01:29:29,015 DEAD? YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, 2226 01:29:29,059 --> 01:29:30,539 I'M NOT DEAD. I'M RIGHT HERE. 2227 01:29:30,582 --> 01:29:32,149 I WAS LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM, 2228 01:29:32,192 --> 01:29:33,846 YOU STUPID-- 2229 01:29:48,948 --> 01:29:54,519 YOU FUCKING HIJACKING, 2-ON-ONE CHEATERS. 2230 01:29:54,563 --> 01:29:57,000 FUCK... 2231 01:29:57,043 --> 01:29:59,132 ME! 2232 01:30:03,528 --> 01:30:06,183 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU... 2233 01:30:06,226 --> 01:30:08,794 [LAUGHING] 2234 01:30:08,838 --> 01:30:10,883 I AM TERRORIST. I'M LIKE RAMBO. 2235 01:30:10,927 --> 01:30:12,102 I AM LIKE RAMBO. 2236 01:30:12,145 --> 01:30:13,103 [GUN COCKS] 2237 01:30:13,146 --> 01:30:14,452 I AM RAMBO! 2238 01:30:14,496 --> 01:30:16,976 [GUNSHOT] 2239 01:30:17,020 --> 01:30:18,978 WELL... 2240 01:30:19,022 --> 01:30:20,284 ALL RIGHT. 2241 01:30:20,327 --> 01:30:22,939 EVERYTHING WORKED OUT JUST FINE, NOW DIDN'T IT? 2242 01:30:22,982 --> 01:30:24,157 LET'S SEE. 2243 01:30:24,201 --> 01:30:25,724 WELL, THAT ROCK STAR AND HIS SLEAZY MANAGER? 2244 01:30:25,768 --> 01:30:28,510 THEY HAVE GIRLS HANGING ALL OVER 'EM NOW. 2245 01:30:28,553 --> 01:30:31,469 AND BOB, HE HAS A GORGEOUS WIFE-TO-BE. 2246 01:30:31,513 --> 01:30:32,601 HOW HE GOT HER, I'LL NEVER KNOW, 2247 01:30:32,644 --> 01:30:34,080 BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. 2248 01:30:34,124 --> 01:30:35,038 AND EVEN THOSE TERRORISTS. 2249 01:30:35,081 --> 01:30:36,996 THEY GOT WHAT THEY WANTED-- 2250 01:30:37,040 --> 01:30:38,128 AN AUDIENCE. 2251 01:30:38,171 --> 01:30:39,303 I... 2252 01:30:39,346 --> 01:30:40,826 I GUESS I GOT WHAT I WANTED, TOO, YOU KNOW? 2253 01:30:40,870 --> 01:30:42,698 NOW, I'M A BIG, FUNNY COMEDIAN. 2254 01:30:42,741 --> 01:30:43,960 I'M EVEN A HERO, 2255 01:30:44,003 --> 01:30:45,004 BUT SOMETHING'S MISSING. 2256 01:30:45,048 --> 01:30:46,571 I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS. 2257 01:30:46,615 --> 01:30:48,530 I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 2258 01:30:48,573 --> 01:30:49,966 NEPTUNE, HOW YOU BEEN? 2259 01:30:50,009 --> 01:30:51,576 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE. 2260 01:30:51,620 --> 01:30:52,577 I'M SWELL. 2261 01:30:52,621 --> 01:30:55,188 I GOT SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO MEET. 2262 01:30:55,232 --> 01:30:56,494 SLIMY! 2263 01:30:56,538 --> 01:30:57,887 SLIMY? 2264 01:30:58,801 --> 01:31:00,846 HELLO. 2265 01:31:00,890 --> 01:31:03,283 Neptune: THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, SLIMY! 2266 01:31:03,327 --> 01:31:04,981 HELLO, SLIMY. 2267 01:31:05,024 --> 01:31:06,548 MY LITTLE GUPPY'S BEEN WATCHING YOU 2268 01:31:06,591 --> 01:31:07,940 IN HER CONCH SHELL FOR A WEEK NOW, 2269 01:31:07,984 --> 01:31:09,115 AND SHE'S JUST BEEN BEGGING ME 2270 01:31:09,159 --> 01:31:10,334 TO INTRODUCE YOU. 2271 01:31:10,377 --> 01:31:12,075 YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING ME IN YOUR CONCH SHELL? 2272 01:31:12,118 --> 01:31:13,163 YES. 2273 01:31:13,206 --> 01:31:14,991 I REALLY, REALLY, WANTED TO MEET YOU. 2274 01:31:15,034 --> 01:31:17,297 WOW, SHE IS SO SWEET. 2275 01:31:17,341 --> 01:31:18,603 HEY, UM, KING NEPTUNE, 2276 01:31:18,647 --> 01:31:20,562 I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I COULD TAKE HER 2277 01:31:20,605 --> 01:31:22,172 TO THE BOW OF THE SHIP AND MAYBE GIVE HER 2278 01:31:22,215 --> 01:31:23,695 A KISS, YOU KNOW, TO CLOSE THE MOVIE. 2279 01:31:23,739 --> 01:31:24,609 IS THAT ALL RIGHT? 2280 01:31:24,653 --> 01:31:27,482 GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD. 2281 01:31:28,918 --> 01:31:30,006 ALL RIGHT... 2282 01:31:30,049 --> 01:31:33,096 BUT HAVE HER BACK AT THE REEF BY 11:00! 2283 01:31:34,576 --> 01:31:35,968 AND NO TONGUES! 2284 01:31:36,012 --> 01:31:37,622 ♪ OH, BOY 2285 01:31:37,666 --> 01:31:38,754 ♪ WHO'S THAT GIRL OVER THERE? ♪ 2286 01:31:38,797 --> 01:31:40,059 ♪ I REALLY GOT TO TALK TO THAT CHICK ♪ 2287 01:31:40,103 --> 01:31:43,628 ♪ BECAUSE THAT IS ONE COOL, SUGAR CANDY GIRL ♪ 2288 01:31:43,672 --> 01:31:45,543 ♪ SHE'S A SLICK CHICK 2289 01:31:45,587 --> 01:31:48,328 ♪ SHE'S A SLICK CHICK 2290 01:31:48,372 --> 01:31:49,982 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2291 01:31:50,026 --> 01:31:51,897 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2292 01:31:51,941 --> 01:31:53,638 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2293 01:31:53,682 --> 01:31:55,335 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2294 01:31:55,379 --> 01:31:57,207 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2295 01:31:57,250 --> 01:31:58,991 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2296 01:31:59,035 --> 01:32:00,732 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2297 01:32:00,776 --> 01:32:02,560 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2298 01:32:02,604 --> 01:32:03,953 ♪ ONCE IN THE U.S.A. 2299 01:32:03,996 --> 01:32:06,172 ♪ I WAS OUT WALKING 2300 01:32:06,216 --> 01:32:07,739 ♪ A LITTLE YOUNG GIRL 2301 01:32:07,783 --> 01:32:09,611 ♪ I WAS SEEING 2302 01:32:09,654 --> 01:32:10,699 ♪ I SEE A YOUNG GIRL 2303 01:32:10,742 --> 01:32:13,353 ♪ SHE STARTED SMILING 2304 01:32:13,397 --> 01:32:14,572 ♪ I WALK OVER 2305 01:32:14,616 --> 01:32:16,618 ♪ WE STARTED TALKING 2306 01:32:16,661 --> 01:32:17,706 ♪ I SAY, "HI, BABES" 2307 01:32:17,749 --> 01:32:20,143 ♪ SHE SAID, "HOW ARE YOU KEEPING?" ♪ 2308 01:32:20,186 --> 01:32:21,144 ♪ I SAID, "I'M COOL" 2309 01:32:21,187 --> 01:32:23,276 ♪ "I'M JUST DOING MY OWN THING" ♪ 2310 01:32:23,320 --> 01:32:26,845 ♪ SHE SAID "HEY, MAN, I HEAR YOU ARE THE IN THING" ♪ 2311 01:32:26,889 --> 01:32:31,241 ♪ YOUR KEYS ARE IVORY FROM THAT SAXON SOUND SYSTEM ♪ 2312 01:32:31,284 --> 01:32:32,285 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2313 01:32:32,329 --> 01:32:34,723 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2314 01:32:34,766 --> 01:32:35,854 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2315 01:32:35,898 --> 01:32:37,943 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2316 01:32:37,987 --> 01:32:38,857 FUCK EVERYBODY! 2317 01:32:38,901 --> 01:32:40,250 FUCK--FUCK YOU! 2318 01:32:40,293 --> 01:32:41,773 FUCK THE WATER! 2319 01:32:41,817 --> 01:32:43,862 FUCK THIS FUCKING WATER! 2320 01:32:43,906 --> 01:32:44,863 FUCK THE BOAT! 2321 01:32:44,907 --> 01:32:46,865 FUCK--FUCK NORIEGA! 2322 01:32:46,909 --> 01:32:47,736 FUCK SCHECKY! 2323 01:32:47,779 --> 01:32:49,215 FUCK EVERYBODY! 2324 01:32:49,259 --> 01:32:50,129 [LAUGHS] 2325 01:32:50,173 --> 01:32:52,218 FUCK EVERYTHING! 2326 01:32:52,262 --> 01:32:54,133 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2327 01:32:54,177 --> 01:32:55,874 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2328 01:32:55,918 --> 01:32:57,876 ♪ HELLO, DARLING 2329 01:32:57,920 --> 01:33:00,618 ♪ HELLO, GOOD-LOOKING 2330 01:33:17,330 --> 01:33:19,594 ♪ YEAH 2331 01:33:36,785 --> 01:33:38,743 ♪ AND I'M ON THE PROWL 2332 01:33:38,787 --> 01:33:40,266 ♪ GOING OUT THE CAT DOOR 2333 01:33:40,310 --> 01:33:44,749 ♪ 'CAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH A LITTLE GIRL, BOY ♪ 2334 01:33:44,793 --> 01:33:47,665 ♪ HEAR HER HOWL, LOVELY WOMAN ♪ 2335 01:33:47,709 --> 01:33:53,105 ♪ SERVING ME SOME HOT, HOT TUNA ♪ 2336 01:33:53,149 --> 01:33:54,759 ♪ YEAH 2337 01:33:54,803 --> 01:33:58,415 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2338 01:33:58,458 --> 01:34:02,027 ♪ UPSIDE HIS HEAD 2339 01:34:02,071 --> 01:34:05,944 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2340 01:34:05,988 --> 01:34:07,946 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2341 01:34:16,389 --> 01:34:18,000 ♪ WELL, I CLIMB THE WALLS 2342 01:34:18,043 --> 01:34:20,132 ♪ OVER TAIL SO FINE 2343 01:34:20,176 --> 01:34:22,221 ♪ AND MY FURRY PAWS 2344 01:34:22,265 --> 01:34:24,789 ♪ WANT YOUR BEHIND 2345 01:34:24,833 --> 01:34:27,139 ♪ ALL COME FOR LOVE TO ME 2346 01:34:27,183 --> 01:34:33,015 ♪ I'M SO WILD AND SO IN HEAT ♪ 2347 01:34:33,058 --> 01:34:34,930 ♪ YEAH 2348 01:34:34,973 --> 01:34:38,324 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2349 01:34:38,368 --> 01:34:41,806 ♪ UPSIDE HIS HEAD 2350 01:34:41,850 --> 01:34:45,157 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2351 01:34:45,201 --> 01:34:49,118 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2352 01:35:03,480 --> 01:35:05,961 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2353 01:35:06,004 --> 01:35:07,005 ♪ YEAH 2354 01:35:07,049 --> 01:35:09,747 ♪ GONNA SLAP HIS HEAD 2355 01:35:09,791 --> 01:35:10,835 ♪ BOOM 2356 01:35:10,879 --> 01:35:14,360 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2357 01:35:14,404 --> 01:35:17,146 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2358 01:35:17,189 --> 01:35:18,321 ♪ YEAH 2359 01:35:18,364 --> 01:35:21,063 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2360 01:35:24,066 --> 01:35:25,197 ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 2361 01:35:25,241 --> 01:35:29,201 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2362 01:35:29,245 --> 01:35:31,421 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2363 01:35:47,089 --> 01:35:49,004 ♪ AND I'M ON THE PROWL 2364 01:35:49,047 --> 01:35:50,919 ♪ GOING OUT THE CAT DOOR 2365 01:35:50,962 --> 01:35:52,355 ♪ 'CAUSE I'M IN LOVE 2366 01:35:52,398 --> 01:35:55,053 ♪ WITH A LITTLE GIRL, BOY 2367 01:35:55,097 --> 01:35:58,056 ♪ HEAR HER HOWL, LOVELY WOMAN ♪ 2368 01:35:58,100 --> 01:36:02,365 ♪ SERVING ME SOME HOT, HOT TUNA ♪ 2369 01:36:02,408 --> 01:36:03,932 ♪ YEAH 2370 01:36:03,975 --> 01:36:05,107 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2371 01:36:05,150 --> 01:36:09,024 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2372 01:36:09,067 --> 01:36:11,069 ♪ UPSIDE HIS HEAD 2373 01:36:11,113 --> 01:36:12,244 ♪ YEAH 2374 01:36:12,288 --> 01:36:16,335 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2375 01:36:16,379 --> 01:36:18,424 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2376 01:36:18,468 --> 01:36:19,512 ♪ YEAH 2377 01:36:19,556 --> 01:36:23,429 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2378 01:36:25,475 --> 01:36:26,606 ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 2379 01:36:26,650 --> 01:36:30,610 ♪ I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR CAT 2380 01:36:30,654 --> 01:36:32,787 ♪ YEAH, YEAH 2381 01:36:51,501 --> 01:36:53,459 [EXPLOSION] 2382 01:36:53,503 --> 01:36:57,072 [SCHECKY LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 2383 01:37:08,039 --> 01:37:10,520 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TRIMARK HOME VIDEO 2384 01:37:10,563 --> 01:37:15,220 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 2385 01:37:15,917 --> 01:37:19,137 [LAUGHING CONTINUES] 2386 01:37:20,922 --> 01:37:22,924 [LAUGHING STOPS]