1
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The Simpsons.

2
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Ten... Nine...

3
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Eight...

4
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Eight... Eight... Eight...

5
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Oh, will this horrible year never end?

6
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We've never lost a year before

7
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and I'll be damned if we're going to lose
one on my shift.

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Seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.

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Should auld acquaintance be forgot.

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And never la, la, la...

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Ooh, January 1.

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Better get going on those taxes, Neddy.

13
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Let's see, cash register ink.

14
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Well, that's a business
expense, isn't it... I...

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Oh, but then, I do enjoy
the smell of the stuff, don't I?

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Better not risk it.

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Daddy, what do taxes pay for?

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Oh, why, everything.

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Policemen, trees, sunshine.

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And let's not forget the folks

21
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who just don't feel like working,
God bless them.

22
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Neddy, it's 8:45.

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The post office is going
to be opening soon.

24
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8:45?

25
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Here I am yapping away like it's 8:35.

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Ooh! Can't forget the mints!

27
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Getting your taxes out of the way?

28
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No, just mailing out death certificates

29
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for holiday-related fatalities.

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All right, people, listen up.

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The harder you push,

32
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the faster we will all get out of here.

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Oh, Edna, you're certainly
looking lovely tonight.

34
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Is that a new green sweater?

35
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Until you're willing to file jointly.

36
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Back of the line, Seymour.

37
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Arrr, sometimes I wonder
why I bother plundering at all.

38
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Oh, no.

39
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No, no, I felt that.

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You didn't carry the one,
you foolish person.

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Now you'll incur the penalties

42
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with the compound interest

43
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and the wrath and the truncheons.
Ba-heyvin.

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This is Kent Brockman

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live at the Springfield
Post Office on Tax Day.

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It's literally the eleventh hour.

47
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10:00 p.m.,

48
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and tardy taxpayers are scrambling

49
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to mail their returns by midnight.

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Sir, why did you wait
until the last minute

51
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to pay your taxes?

52
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Taxes? Isn't this the line for Metallica?

53
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Sir, why did you wait
until the last minute

54
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to pay your taxes?

55
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Because I'm an idiot. Happy?

56
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Of course, not everyone is an idiot.

57
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Some of us took our receipts and pay stubs

58
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to our accountants months ago...

59
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And at the risk of sounding
a little smug...

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Oh... Help!

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Does anyone have a calculator?

62
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Myron?

63
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Will you look at those morons.

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I paid my taxes over a year ago.

65
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Dad...

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What is it, sweetie?

67
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,749
Did you see a scary picture
in your picture book?

68
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That was last year's taxes.

69
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You have to pay again this year.

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No. Because, you see, I went ahead and...

71
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Year-wise, I was counting forward

72
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from the last previous...

73
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I put the tax forms on top
of your "to do" pile a month ago.

74
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I have a "to do" pile?

75
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Marge, how many kids do we have?

76
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No time to count, I'll just estimate.

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Uh, nine.

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You know we don't have...

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Shut up! Shut up!

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If I don't hear you, it's not illegal.

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OK. I need some deductions...
deductions...

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Oh, business gifts.

83
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Here you go. Keep using nuclear power.

84
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Homer, I painted that for you.

85
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OK, Marge, if anyone asks, you require

86
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24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman,

87
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Maggie is seven people
and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

88
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Cool.

89
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You really had
a lot of talent, kid.

90
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If I don't see it,
it's not illegal.

91
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Oh, no, you don't!

92
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Come on. Get in there.

93
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Drop!

94
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Woo-hoo! D'Oh!

95
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So, Lenny, let's say

96
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you pull a thorn out of the Pope's butt

97
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and he grants you one wish. What'll it be?

98
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Hm! Only one, huh?

99
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Well, I've always wondered
what it would feel like

100
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to wear something that's been ironed.

101
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That would be sweet.

102
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What about you, Moe?

103
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Uh, gee, I was going to say a night

104
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with Joey Heatherton,
but an ironed shirt...

105
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Damn, that's tempting.

106
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What about you, Homer?

107
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Well...

108
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Homer Simpson?

109
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United States Government.

110
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Help! Somebody!

111
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Help!

112
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So how about you, Barn?

113
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One wish.

114
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This is an egregious
miscarriagement of taxitude.

115
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Oh, this is bad, this is really bad.

116
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You work and you slave
and you steal just enough

117
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for a sweet lick of that shiny brass ring.

118
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Don't I get a lick?
Doesn't Gil get a lick?

119
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Simpson... Homer J.

120
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Hey, put in a good word
for old Gil, would ya?

121
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Mr. Simpson,
this government computer

122
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can process over nine tax returns per day.

123
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Did you really think you could fool it?

124
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No, sir. I'm really sorry, sir.

125
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An older boy told me to do it.

126
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You're looking at five years, minimum.

127
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No, sir, please.

128
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I can't go to prison.

129
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They pee in a cup and throw it on you.

130
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I saw it in a movie.

131
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You won't be seeing any prison movies

132
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where you're going... Prison.

133
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No, please! I'll do anything.

134
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Anything? Well, that's a start.

135
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Agent Johnson, FBI.

136
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I'm very happy to meet you.

137
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From now on, you're going to work for us.

138
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OK, but could you
pay me under the table?

139
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I got a little tax problem.

140
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They want you to spy on your friends?

141
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Not spy, squeal.

142
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I've got no choice.

143
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The government has no right
to use you this way.

144
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Quiet, honey, you don't know
how big this government is.

145
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It goes all the way to the President.

146
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There you go, ratboy.

147
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Does this make me look fat?

148
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No. It makes you look like a tool

149
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- of government oppression.
- But not fat.

150
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If my cover gets blown

151
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and I need help, what's the signal?

152
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Hey, I see you're watching the ball game.

153
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Looks like a good one.

154
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Any of you involved
in any illegal activity?

155
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'Cause I could sure go for some.

156
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Oh, God!

157
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How about you, Lenny?

158
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Testing, testing... Lenny?

159
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,425
You saying you
want to commit a crime, Homer?

160
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Maybe. But first I need to
hear about some other crimes

161
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to get me fired up.

162
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You mean like the time

163
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you was runnin' moonshine
out of your basement?

164
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Or that telemarketing scam you pulled?

165
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Uh, um, like those.

166
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But involving you.

167
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You mean like the time.

168
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Barney beat up George Bush.

169
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Barney? That was me!

170
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And I'd do it again.

171
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Why stop there, Homer?

172
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,325
My militia has a secret plan

173
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to beat up all sorts
of government officials.

174
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That'll teach them to drag their feet
on high-definition TV.

175
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You're under arrest for conspiracy.

176
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Hey, how did they finger Charlie?

177
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,922
Somebody must have ratted him out.

178
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:11,092
Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe.
End transmission.

179
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,598
My superiors were pleased with your work.

180
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,433
You have a flair for treachery.

181
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,519
Well, I'm just glad it's all over.

182
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,521
Oh, you're not through, Simpson.

183
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,398
We have a high-risk assignment for you.

184
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,233
Why do you keep picking on me?

185
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,944
Marge's name was on that tax return, too.

186
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,862
- Let's take a walk.
- Walk?

187
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,283
That wasn't part of the deal.

188
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,163
We're here. Get in.

189
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:45,751
Uh, m-my shirt fell off!

190
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,631
Mr. Simpson, please cover your ears

191
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,134
while I say the secret access word.

192
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Cheese.

193
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,597
Good morning, Agent Johnson.

194
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,640
The film you are about
to see is top secret

195
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,101
and contains adult situations.

196
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,729
In 1945, the people of Europe

197
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,315
struggled to rebuild following the war.

198
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,816
Losers.

199
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,651
Shut up, Simpson.

200
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,986
To ease this crisis,

201
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,821
President Truman promised relief.

202
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,824
American tax dollars will help our allies

203
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,620
who fought so poorly
and surrendered so readily.

204
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,999
To make good on this drunken boast,

205
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,168
Truman authorized the one-time printing

206
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,670
of the largest denomination currency ever:

207
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,130
A trillion-dollar bill.

208
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,926
Ooh, a trillion-dollar bill.

209
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,512
'Atsa spicy meatball.

210
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,685
The man chosen to deliver
this precious cargo to Europe

211
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,437
was America's wealthiest, and therefore

212
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,857
most trustworthy citizen,
C. Montgomery Burns.

213
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,993
Unfortunately, the money never arrived.

214
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,454
Well, this is a kick in the knickers.

215
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,581
Should we complain to somebody?

216
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:10,378
Non! I say we just act
snooty to Americans forever.

217
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,712
I agree!

218
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,966
This film will self-destruct...
If not properly stored.

219
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,011
We believe Burns still has that bill

220
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,471
hidden somewhere in his house.

221
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,932
But all we've ascertained
from satellite photos

222
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,725
is that it's not on the roof.

223
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,936
We're hoping that as his trusted employee,

224
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,521
you can help lead us to it.

225
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,398
But Mr. Burns gave me my job.

226
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,691
And he hasn't fired me

227
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,318
even after three meltdowns
and one China syndrome.

228
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,112
I can't betray him.

229
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,364
I'm afraid you have no choice.

230
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,615
And remember...

231
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,575
This information is highly classified.

232
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,747
Cheese!

233
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,582
Good morning, Agent Johnson.

234
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,946
The film you are about to see...

235
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,338
Here you are, sir.

236
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,049
Wild raspberry compote,
celery root remoulade

237
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,843
and pheasant under duck.

238
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,761
I hope you enjoy it.

239
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,097
Oh, stop fishing for
compliments, Smithers.

240
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,182
Go home to your can of mushroom soup.

241
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,268
Sir, a kind word now and then...

242
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,103
I'm choking it down.

243
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,646
Isn't that thanks enough?

244
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,524
Sometimes
I don't know why I bother.

245
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,487
I'm in.

246
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,416
Now what, Smithers?

247
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:32,668
I... You're not Smithers.

248
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,505
Uh, I'm Homer Simpson,
your trusted employee.

249
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,507
Employee, eh?

250
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,968
What a pleasant surprise.

251
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,804
Hmm, a pack of vicious dogs

252
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,640
should be ripping you to pieces.

253
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,350
Uh, I don't know what to tell you.

254
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,269
Very well. Come on in.

255
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,271
Perhaps I have something
I can scald you with.

256
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,110
It'll, uh, be a few minutes.

257
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,071
So, what brings you to my home?

258
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,657
Well, Mr. Burns, you always come off

259
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,827
as kind of a gruff, crotchety loner,

260
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,954
but we both know that deep down inside...

261
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,998
Ya, ha!

262
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,291
Still cold.

263
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:15,127
Hmm, well, let me get you a towel.

264
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,675
Starting search for trillion-dollar bill.

265
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,554
Come on, where are you?

266
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,931
Here, trilly, trilly...

267
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,985
What is this?

268
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,654
What are you doing?

269
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,864
Um... Er... Um...

270
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,116
Oh, I get it.

271
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,993
I'm on to you.

272
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,164
You're from Collier's Magazine,
aren't you?

273
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,667
Are you going to put me in Star Snoop?

274
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,669
Oh, yeah, sure.

275
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,420
That thing.

276
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,673
Well, I won't go without a fight.
Wink, wink.

277
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,550
Let me show you around.

278
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,885
I hope you don't mind a little walking.

279
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,098
Well, of course I didn't want a racehorse

280
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,308
in my living room, but you don't say no

281
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,685
to Spring Byington, do you?

282
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,603
No, you don't.

283
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,690
Oh, you'll find this amusing.

284
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,692
The suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.

285
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,612
Here's a scoop for your readers.

286
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,197
The hall of patriots.

287
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,701
That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather.

288
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,703
Franklin Jefferson Burns

289
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:33,122
tossing that tea without a care.

290
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,708
For what the caffeine would
do to the Fenway flounder.

291
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,252
- Is that a fish?
- It was.

292
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:39,712
Hey, that guy looks like you.

293
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,131
Ho-ho! That's me, all right.

294
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,757
Standing up against America's reckless

295
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,676
spendthrift politicians.

296
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,595
It commemorates my liberation

297
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,388
of a trillion dollars that would have been

298
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,848
foolishly squandered.

299
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,725
Let's move.

300
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,562
Is that the trillion-dollar
bill in his hand?!

301
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,649
That would be pretty
careless of me, wouldn't it?

302
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,235
I keep the real bill right here.

303
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,821
Wow.

304
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,240
That must be worth a fortune!

305
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,742
Nobody move!

306
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,743
What the...?

307
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,828
Montgomery Burns, you're under arrest

308
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,415
for grand, grand, grand, grand larceny.

309
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,167
I'm not the thief.

310
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,710
The government is.

311
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,754
Every year, you make hardworking Joes

312
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,757
like my reporter friend
here pay income taxes.

313
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,008
And for what?

314
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,260
Aid to ungrateful foreigners.

315
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,512
Do-nothing nuclear missiles.

316
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:34,141
Tomb polish for some unknown soldier.

317
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,226
Hey, he's right!

318
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,770
You crooks in Washington...

319
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:39,563
Put a sock in it, punk.

320
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,357
Ooh, you can silence me

321
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,026
but you can't silence Collier's Magazine!

322
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,737
Tell the people! Don't let the government
push you around!

323
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,781
You have a choice! Fight back!

324
00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:51,784
I'm going to write
the best darn article...

325
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,867
Oh. Wait.

326
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,998
Huh! Take that, Uncle Sam!

327
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:19,812
Faster, Simpson.

328
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,356
Those jack-booted g-men
won't be far behind.

329
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,316
We'll hide out at my place. I've got beer.

330
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,110
No! We need help.

331
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,319
There's only one man

332
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,822
who can get us out of a jam like this.

333
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:33,450
You'll be swell, you'll be great.

334
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,327
Gonna have the whole
world on a plate...

335
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,581
All right, all right.

336
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,916
Keep your top on.

337
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,378
Why, sir, what a pleasant...

338
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,758
So now our own government
is hunting us down

339
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,052
like a couple of common snow leopards.

340
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,804
It's an outrage, sir.

341
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,266
This is Agent Johnson from the FBI.

342
00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:01,770
Be on the lookout for a 1936
maroon Stutz Bearcat.

343
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:06,191
Eh, that really was more of a burgundy.

344
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,235
Oh, we're never going to make it.

345
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,713
Let's just divide up the trillion now

346
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,946
and go our separate ways.

347
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,866
Uh, I'm afraid we've got
to get out of the country.

348
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,034
Capital idea.

349
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,245
Let's blow this fascist popsicle stand.

350
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:19,888
We'll purchase a small island somewhere

351
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,457
and start our own country

352
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,835
free from the relentless
tyranny of Uncle Sam.

353
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,587
But I can't leave the country.

354
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,922
What about my wife and kids?

355
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,090
That can be shipped.

356
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,717
OK, kids,

357
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,510
I want some answers.

358
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,220
Where do you think your father would go

359
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,722
with a trillion dollars?

360
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,515
My dad has a trillion dollars?

361
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:41,769
Wow! I can buy and sell your sorry ass.

362
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:42,912
I'll give you a billion dollars

363
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,063
to empty the cat box for me.

364
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,856
No, no, Bart.

365
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,358
That money's going towards
your college education.

366
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,943
Who needs college, Mom?

367
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,445
We're trillionaires!

368
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:53,405
Let's buy dune buggies.

369
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:58,702
Contact.

370
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,164
Remove the chocks, Simpson!

371
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:04,458
Simpson?

372
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:13,050
There's soda on the plane!

373
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:17,763
Attention, fugitives.

374
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,973
You are leaving U.S. jurisdiction.

375
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,475
Turn back immediately

376
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,102
or we will be unable to prosecute you.

377
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,770
We'd better do what he says.

378
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,481
Wait. We're now over international waters.

379
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,566
Woo-hoo! We can gamble!

380
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,818
Yes!

381
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,696
Aw, nuts!

382
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:38,200
They'll be back. They'll miss American TV.

383
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:42,121
Any of these islands would
make a fine new country.

384
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,872
- I call President.
- Vice-president.

385
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,751
Ooh. There's a big one.

386
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,337
And it has "freedom" written all over it.

387
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,422
Sir, that's Cuba.

388
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,632
Cuba, eh?

389
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,384
Take her down, Smithers.

390
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,137
Uh... You're flying the plane, sir.

391
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,346
Excellent.

392
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,183
Sorry about the landing, boys.

393
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,603
This fog is so thick
I can't see my own cataracts.

394
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,775
Uh... Purpose of visit?

395
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,699
Oh, you're going to love
it in Cuba, Marge.

396
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:21,243
There's shredded pork everywhere.

397
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,162
Es carne de burro.

398
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,663
Nice to meet you.

399
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,043
Ah, the new Packard we've been hearing
so much about.

400
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:49,104
So you say Batista's gone.

401
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,565
- Did you know that?
- I had no idea.

402
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,609
In that case, just take us

403
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,277
to whoever's in charge.

404
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:57,487
Comrades,

405
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,948
our nation is completely bankrupt.

406
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,784
We have no choice but
to abandon communism.

407
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,621
I know. I know. I know.

408
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:09,333
But we all knew from day one
this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly.

409
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:13,670
I'll call Washington
and tell them they won.

410
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:17,090
But, Presidente, America
tried to kill you.

411
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,550
Ah, they're not so bad.

412
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,511
They even named a street
after me in San Francisco.

413
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,640
It's full of what?!

414
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,644
Presidente, three men are here to see you.

415
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,979
They claim to have a trillion-dollar bill.

416
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,564
Ay caramba!

417
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,442
Oh, so the island's not for sale, eh?

418
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,445
Well, will you at least permit us to live

419
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:40,447
in your socialist paradise?

420
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,449
Are you talking about Cuba?

421
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,701
Exactly. All we ask is

422
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,412
preferential treatment
because of my fabulous wealth.

423
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,538
May I see?

424
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,625
See with your eyes, not with your hands.

425
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,086
Please, we are all amigos here.

426
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:57,005
Mr. Burns, I think we can trust

427
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,341
the President of Cuba.

428
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,180
Now give it back.

429
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,556
Give what back?

430
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,938
It's hard to believe there's a place

431
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:16,149
worse than America, but we found it.

432
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,485
Yes, I, too, feel renewed appreciation

433
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,237
for the good old U.S. of A.

434
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,407
Oppression and harassment
are a small price to pay

435
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:26,034
to live in the land of the free.

436
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,744
But, uh, sir, aren't you facing

437
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,579
some serious jail time?

438
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,749
Well, if it's a crime
to love one's country,

439
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,376
then I'm guilty.

440
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:37,629
And if it's a crime to steal
a trillion dollars from our government

441
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,464
and hand it over to communist Cuba,

442
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:42,092
then I'm guilty of that, too.

443
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:44,928
And if it's a crime to bribe a jury,

444
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:49,766
then, so help me,
I'll soon be guilty of that.

445
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,519
God bless America!

446
00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:45,739
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services