1
00:00:07,723 --> 00:00:09,357
D'oh!
2
00:00:14,297 --> 00:00:15,797
Okay. Next question.
3
00:00:15,832 --> 00:00:18,266
Yes. Will there be
another Simpsons movie?
4
00:00:18,412 --> 00:00:22,412
♪ The Simpsons 25x22 ♪
The Yellow Badge of Cowardge
Original Air Date on May 18, 2014
5
00:00:22,437 --> 00:00:27,437
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
6
00:00:31,673 --> 00:00:33,974
Our Lord, Buddha, says,
7
00:00:34,009 --> 00:00:37,278
"The secret of existence
is to pass beyond fear."
8
00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:39,847
My brother is about
to meet fear...
9
00:00:39,881 --> 00:00:41,081
and as usual...
10
00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:42,650
he won't pass.
11
00:00:45,987 --> 00:00:47,821
Wake up, Lis!
It's the last day of school!
12
00:00:49,291 --> 00:00:50,291
Wake up, Maggs!
13
00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,625
It's the last day of school!
14
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,360
Last day of school!
15
00:00:53,395 --> 00:00:54,795
Last day of school!
16
00:00:54,829 --> 00:00:56,564
Found my summer hobby!
17
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,932
Banging pots together!
18
00:00:57,966 --> 00:00:58,933
Don't worry, Marge.
19
00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,201
As a favor to you,
20
00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:02,269
I'm enrolling
that precious little jerk
21
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:05,239
in this fresh air summer camp.
22
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,142
That's a prison road crew.
23
00:01:08,176 --> 00:01:09,743
I did that last summer.
24
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:10,744
I'm not allowed back.
25
00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:16,083
Good-bye forever,
multiplication!
26
00:01:18,753 --> 00:01:19,720
Uh...
27
00:01:19,754 --> 00:01:20,821
needs more numerators.
28
00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,191
Ah, "July 4th..."
29
00:01:24,226 --> 00:01:25,292
What the...?
30
00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:26,927
No fireworks?!
31
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:30,564
Can't this stupid city
entertain me one night a year?!
32
00:01:30,599 --> 00:01:32,233
The city's broke.
33
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:34,068
The fire department
has to raise money
34
00:01:34,102 --> 00:01:35,603
by delivering pizza.
35
00:01:38,106 --> 00:01:40,407
My baby!
36
00:01:40,442 --> 00:01:42,009
Back ribs!
37
00:01:42,043 --> 00:01:43,510
Marge, when you're broke,
38
00:01:43,545 --> 00:01:45,779
that's when you got to
keep up appearances.
39
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,749
The Fourth of July is the one
day a year when our city puts on
40
00:01:48,783 --> 00:01:50,251
her high heels and tube top
41
00:01:50,285 --> 00:01:52,853
and leans into
America's car window.
42
00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:54,955
God bless her.
43
00:01:56,291 --> 00:01:58,092
The last day of school.
44
00:01:58,126 --> 00:01:59,760
Field Day.
45
00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:02,062
When you learn to balance
an egg on a spoon
46
00:02:02,097 --> 00:02:03,897
and run with
your leg tied to someone
47
00:02:03,932 --> 00:02:05,799
who wouldn't
talk to you all year.
48
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:09,103
Hey! Are you coming to the
after-school pool party?
49
00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:11,238
Not now.
50
00:02:13,942 --> 00:02:15,976
Aw... no fair!
51
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,312
He actually has
three legs.
52
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,147
You lay off
my son Tripod!
53
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,249
He won fair and square,
54
00:02:22,284 --> 00:02:26,086
just like my twins
Wheel and Barrow.
55
00:02:26,121 --> 00:02:28,789
Now, take you brother
to the face painting.
56
00:02:28,823 --> 00:02:31,759
But don't make yourselves up
to look all freaky.
57
00:02:31,793 --> 00:02:34,495
One, two, three, toss.
58
00:02:36,731 --> 00:02:39,166
The eggs are supposed
to be tossed between students,
59
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,834
not at the principal.
60
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,470
Once more and hurl!
Aah!
61
00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:46,774
We will do this
until we get it right.
62
00:02:46,808 --> 00:02:50,577
Look, do you want this to be
your last school memory?
63
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,947
Pull harder!
64
00:02:53,982 --> 00:02:55,349
What is wrong with you people?!
65
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,483
Hey.
66
00:02:56,518 --> 00:02:59,253
I have thumbs, too.
67
00:03:06,861 --> 00:03:09,830
I like the Play-Doh
that comes out the back.
68
00:03:10,832 --> 00:03:13,334
See you next June, Macaroni.
69
00:03:20,508 --> 00:03:24,712
And now the climactic
Race around the School.
70
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,113
Previous winners include
71
00:03:26,147 --> 00:03:27,214
Sideshow Mel,
72
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,782
Señora Bumblebee Man
73
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,719
and Olympian Edwin Moses.
74
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:32,886
I'll bet your
biggest hurdle was
75
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,488
leaving your
beloved hometown.
76
00:03:34,522 --> 00:03:36,323
All hurdles
are the same size.
77
00:03:36,358 --> 00:03:38,058
Man... who is this loser?
78
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,060
I've got a secret, Bart.
79
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,362
That's good.
80
00:03:41,396 --> 00:03:42,796
Want to know what it is?
81
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:43,997
No.
82
00:03:44,032 --> 00:03:45,232
My secret is
83
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,834
I've been training
for this race
84
00:03:46,868 --> 00:03:48,335
and no one suspects.
85
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:49,403
Check it out:
86
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,238
I'm wearing a dummy tummy.
87
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,141
I'm gonna win
88
00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,243
and it'll change my life!
89
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,913
Wow!
90
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,216
Breaking that tape
cured your asthma.
91
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:03,250
Marvelous!
92
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,585
Ha-ha-ha!
93
00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:14,061
Six on Bart Simpson.
94
00:04:14,095 --> 00:04:16,096
Two on us to win.
95
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,698
$20 on Milhouse.
96
00:04:17,732 --> 00:04:19,333
Milhouse?!
97
00:04:19,367 --> 00:04:21,435
That's a thousand-to-one odds.
98
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:23,904
Perhaps I should
take my action to Willie.
99
00:04:23,938 --> 00:04:25,706
I ain't makin' book no more.
100
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,174
I lost the deed to my shack!
101
00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,109
You are late
with the rent, Willie.
102
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,111
I'll have it by Friday, Mr. U.
103
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,613
I swear.
104
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:33,914
We can handle your action.
105
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:38,118
Betting is now closed.
106
00:04:41,589 --> 00:04:43,791
And now, the 79th running
107
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,427
of the Race around the School.
108
00:04:46,461 --> 00:04:48,162
Gun in the school!
109
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,630
What the...?
110
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:53,033
Just, just go.
And they're off!
111
00:04:53,067 --> 00:04:54,935
We've got a pack of
fifth-graders on the rail,
112
00:04:54,969 --> 00:04:57,237
Simp-son holding down the center
113
00:04:57,272 --> 00:05:00,707
while Database and Cosine are
still testing the wind speed.
114
00:05:00,742 --> 00:05:02,443
As the runners go
into the first turn,
115
00:05:02,477 --> 00:05:03,811
Lewis is in the lead!
116
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,279
Followed by Lovejoy's daughter,
117
00:05:05,313 --> 00:05:06,413
Fat Tony's nephew,
118
00:05:06,448 --> 00:05:07,614
Brockman's little girl...
119
00:05:07,649 --> 00:05:09,216
...and Jailbird's kid!
120
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,551
The Frank Sinatra kid...
121
00:05:10,585 --> 00:05:12,386
well, he's doing it his way!
122
00:05:12,420 --> 00:05:15,656
Rounding out the pack are all
the kids that we never see.
123
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,124
What's this?
124
00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:19,059
Milhouse takes the lead?
125
00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:20,573
The same boy
who sprained his shoulder
126
00:05:20,595 --> 00:05:22,329
doing the Pledge of Allegiance?
127
00:05:23,798 --> 00:05:25,432
Uh-oh!
If Milhouse wins this race,
128
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:26,900
we're out a fortune.
129
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,769
Don't worry.
The race takes a turn
130
00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:30,604
through the trees
where no one can see.
131
00:05:30,638 --> 00:05:32,973
When Milhouse gets there,
you know what to do.
132
00:05:33,007 --> 00:05:35,075
Oh, yeah. Totally.
133
00:05:35,109 --> 00:05:37,110
I mean, it's so obvious.
134
00:05:37,145 --> 00:05:38,479
Just punch him!
135
00:05:38,513 --> 00:05:40,013
Exactly.
136
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,317
Right in the nnn...
fff... dee...?
137
00:05:43,351 --> 00:05:45,752
There is no wrong answer!
138
00:05:45,787 --> 00:05:47,754
And Milhouse,
the boy nobody loves,
139
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:49,823
is widening his lead!
140
00:05:49,858 --> 00:05:51,325
And what does he have
to jump over?
141
00:05:51,359 --> 00:05:52,693
Nothing, that's what.
142
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,261
I'm out of here.
143
00:05:56,798 --> 00:05:58,799
Good job, Edwin.
144
00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:01,802
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
145
00:06:01,836 --> 00:06:04,271
And when I win,
I'm changing my name.
146
00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:07,140
To something cool like Winnie!
147
00:06:09,811 --> 00:06:12,880
Did you come to give
me a cup of water?
148
00:06:15,383 --> 00:06:17,784
The best day of my life
149
00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:20,821
just turned into every
other day of my life.
150
00:06:23,825 --> 00:06:25,692
Bart faced a terrible choice--
151
00:06:25,727 --> 00:06:27,528
take a beating with his friend
152
00:06:27,562 --> 00:06:29,730
or slither off like a coward.
153
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,165
And like he did with every
multiple choice question
154
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,069
he ever saw, Bart chose "B."
155
00:06:44,679 --> 00:06:46,980
The winner is Bart Simpson!
156
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,515
Bart won a blue ribbon.
157
00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:49,716
But was it worth it?
158
00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:51,718
Lisa! Bath time!
159
00:06:51,753 --> 00:06:53,921
Mom! I'm narrating!
160
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,822
The water's gonna get cold!
161
00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:57,391
Fine.
162
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:04,778
As the pin on the back
of the blue ribbon made its way
163
00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:06,746
through Bart's shirt
and into its housing,
164
00:07:06,781 --> 00:07:08,748
the seeds of his comeuppance
165
00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:10,750
flew out of the woods.
166
00:07:10,785 --> 00:07:12,719
Son! What happened to you
167
00:07:12,753 --> 00:07:15,121
in the dark place
behind the school?
168
00:07:15,156 --> 00:07:16,489
Something good?
169
00:07:18,159 --> 00:07:20,727
I'm afraid I don't remember.
170
00:07:20,761 --> 00:07:22,362
Whew.
171
00:07:22,396 --> 00:07:24,396
Well, it looks like Milhouse
has traumatic amnesia.
172
00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,232
He may never remember
what happened to him.
173
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:29,970
The most important thing is, the
race results are now official.
174
00:07:30,004 --> 00:07:31,838
Now I've got to look
at some severe cases
175
00:07:31,872 --> 00:07:34,641
of ice cream headache.
176
00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:55,762
Help me, Bart!
177
00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:00,734
Help me, Bart!
178
00:08:03,304 --> 00:08:05,739
Help me, Bart!
179
00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:10,577
Why am I having nightmares?
180
00:08:10,611 --> 00:08:11,945
I'm no coward.
181
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,214
A chicken feather?
182
00:08:14,248 --> 00:08:15,749
Why would you hand this to me?
183
00:08:15,783 --> 00:08:17,450
Oh, you must've figured out
184
00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:19,285
I chickened out during the race.
185
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,788
Well, who are you to judge me?
186
00:08:22,823 --> 00:08:24,891
I suck? You suck!
187
00:08:24,925 --> 00:08:27,560
While Bart was being
outwitted by a baby,
188
00:08:27,595 --> 00:08:31,398
something was coming to a boil
in our pop's brainpan.
189
00:08:31,432 --> 00:08:34,467
Marge, if this stupid,
one-reactor town won't put on
190
00:08:34,502 --> 00:08:36,136
a fireworks show, I will.
191
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:37,737
I've mapped it out.
192
00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:39,506
Hmm?
193
00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:45,745
Maybe we should just light
sparklers in the backyard.
194
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:49,182
Eh, I've had my problems
with sparklers.
195
00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,917
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Fun! Fun! Fun!
196
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,487
But Fourth of July fireworks
197
00:08:54,522 --> 00:08:55,689
were a different story.
198
00:08:55,723 --> 00:08:57,290
They meant more to my dad
199
00:08:57,324 --> 00:08:59,125
than my Mom could ever know.
200
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,194
It was the one night
of every year
201
00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:03,763
that he couldn't hear
his parents argue.
202
00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:06,366
He figured it was because
they loved the fireworks
203
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,435
just as much as he did.
204
00:09:08,469 --> 00:09:10,503
I want to take a class!
205
00:09:10,538 --> 00:09:13,873
Why can't you be happy
ironing my shirts?!
206
00:09:13,908 --> 00:09:15,475
I need space!
207
00:09:15,509 --> 00:09:18,912
Then close your eyes
and go to Hawaii!
208
00:09:18,946 --> 00:09:22,115
With his mom gone,
Homer needed a hero,
209
00:09:22,149 --> 00:09:25,185
and no one was a bigger hero
210
00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:26,853
than the magical little man
211
00:09:26,887 --> 00:09:27,887
behind the controls.
212
00:09:29,423 --> 00:09:30,957
Are you God?
213
00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:32,792
No, no.
214
00:09:32,827 --> 00:09:36,329
But I shoot rockets
into his a-face.
215
00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:37,864
Here's-a my card.
216
00:09:37,898 --> 00:09:41,501
Don't forget to treasure it.
217
00:09:41,535 --> 00:09:43,470
Hmm.
218
00:09:43,504 --> 00:09:44,671
Now let's see.
219
00:09:44,705 --> 00:09:46,372
Which pants have that card?
220
00:09:46,407 --> 00:09:48,308
Board shorts, interested shorts.
221
00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:50,844
Here we are.
222
00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:52,779
Kaboom.
223
00:09:54,281 --> 00:09:57,016
Giuseppe, I want you
to come out of retirement
224
00:09:57,051 --> 00:10:00,019
for the greatest fireworks show
of your career.
225
00:10:00,054 --> 00:10:03,056
Why do you come here and remind
me of a time in my life
226
00:10:03,090 --> 00:10:06,826
when I made a-tons of money
doing a-what I love?
227
00:10:06,861 --> 00:10:09,229
If the Expendables movies
have taught us anything,
228
00:10:09,263 --> 00:10:11,431
it's that people
do their best work
229
00:10:11,465 --> 00:10:13,833
after they're old
and forgotten.
230
00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:17,771
Well, I am younger
than Sylvester Stallone.
231
00:10:17,805 --> 00:10:19,639
I will do it!
232
00:10:23,778 --> 00:10:25,078
Hey, buddy.
233
00:10:25,112 --> 00:10:27,680
Bart, my truest friend.
234
00:10:27,715 --> 00:10:29,149
I brought you a cake.
235
00:10:29,183 --> 00:10:30,717
Read it.
236
00:10:30,751 --> 00:10:32,619
That's an odd message.
237
00:10:32,653 --> 00:10:34,788
But who am I to
argue with icing?
238
00:10:34,822 --> 00:10:37,757
Will you watch Cassidy
the Crocodile with me?
239
00:10:37,792 --> 00:10:40,527
Um, that's kind
of a baby show.
240
00:10:40,561 --> 00:10:42,195
It's all I can handle now.
241
00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:47,133
Henrietta Kitten?
242
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:48,768
Will you marry me?
243
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,770
Meow, meow, maybe.
244
00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,438
Why would a kitten
marry a crocodile?
245
00:10:52,473 --> 00:10:53,740
Wouldn't it eat her?
246
00:10:54,909 --> 00:10:57,310
Suspension of disbelief.
247
00:10:57,344 --> 00:11:00,146
Friends help
friends in trouble.
248
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,147
No! Turn it off!
249
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,882
It's too intense for me!
250
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:06,386
Some guys just can't
handle crocodiles.
251
00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,921
Is it over yet?
252
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:10,456
And if you're dissatisfied
253
00:11:10,491 --> 00:11:11,891
for any reason,
254
00:11:11,926 --> 00:11:13,593
I will refund your money
255
00:11:13,627 --> 00:11:15,762
in the form of acorns.
256
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:23,770
Hey, this gunpowder,
it has a-crystal meth in it.
257
00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:25,572
Crystal meth?
Then what the heck
258
00:11:25,606 --> 00:11:28,341
did I sell
to them Colombian drug lords?
259
00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:30,977
Brandine!
260
00:11:31,011 --> 00:11:33,913
We're feuding
with the Escobars again!
261
00:11:33,948 --> 00:11:36,616
Does that mean
I ain't talking to Maria?
262
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,451
Duh! Yes.
263
00:11:38,485 --> 00:11:39,519
Homer, we will get
264
00:11:39,553 --> 00:11:42,522
the fireworks someplace else.
265
00:11:42,556 --> 00:11:45,859
The pig's been eating
the C-4 blocks again!
266
00:11:50,397 --> 00:11:54,300
We've invited a new athlete to
join our do-gooding dream team.
267
00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:57,537
Please welcome fleet-footed
phenom, Bart Simpson.
268
00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:02,342
Hey, everyone.
I sure got a lot of attention
269
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:04,544
for winning this year's
Race around the School.
270
00:12:06,413 --> 00:12:08,314
Completely deserved!
271
00:12:08,349 --> 00:12:09,782
Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Mel.
272
00:12:09,817 --> 00:12:12,218
But I am not here
to talk about myself.
273
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:15,154
Milhouse, would you
join me at the podium?
274
00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:17,223
What's going on?
275
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,791
Seriously, what-what's
transpiring?
276
00:12:18,826 --> 00:12:20,493
I've got to set things straight.
277
00:12:20,527 --> 00:12:22,996
During that same race, my friend
Milhouse was in the lead,
278
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:25,665
when something
horrible happened!
279
00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:29,202
Bart knew the worst thing to do
280
00:12:29,236 --> 00:12:31,371
was pile lie upon lie.
281
00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:33,406
And that's exactly what he did.
282
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,908
Rather than try to figure
out what happened,
283
00:12:34,942 --> 00:12:36,476
Milhouse had the
courage to move on.
284
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,311
To me, that's a hero.
285
00:12:39,713 --> 00:12:41,147
Nicely done.
286
00:12:41,181 --> 00:12:43,182
Now we will give out
free rubber bracelets.
287
00:12:43,217 --> 00:12:44,817
Do not wear them to bed.
288
00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:46,219
They smell like truck tires.
289
00:12:46,253 --> 00:12:47,420
They're disgusting.
290
00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:52,992
Crotch or forehead?
291
00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:55,194
Uh, forehead for once.
292
00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,597
Wha...?
293
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,376
Bart Simpson!
294
00:13:10,411 --> 00:13:13,179
You ran away
when I was getting beat up!
295
00:13:14,548 --> 00:13:15,748
Bart's a coward!
296
00:13:15,783 --> 00:13:16,950
He lied to us!
297
00:13:16,984 --> 00:13:19,419
Stop the tattoo!
298
00:13:19,453 --> 00:13:22,255
Uh, I could make it
a bag of groceries.
299
00:13:22,289 --> 00:13:24,390
All right, make sure there's
some French bread sticking out.
300
00:13:24,425 --> 00:13:27,427
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!
301
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:37,286
Look how he runs now!
302
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,954
So Bart was revealed
as a coward.
303
00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:42,190
And now it seemed
like the whole world
304
00:13:42,225 --> 00:13:43,859
was against him.
305
00:13:47,063 --> 00:13:49,364
Have you ever considered
a reverse-equity mortgage?
306
00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:51,400
That's what put
me in this dump!
307
00:13:51,434 --> 00:13:54,236
Grampa, everyone's
calling me a coward.
308
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:56,104
Well, join the club.
309
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:59,608
Anyone who makes it to old age
has got to be part-coward.
310
00:13:59,642 --> 00:14:01,944
Come on, you were
in World War II.
311
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:04,346
Do you know
how I survived D-Day?
312
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:09,785
Don't worry--
just a day at the beach.
313
00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:17,726
I'll be back around 1946!
314
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,828
But don't people hate cowards?
315
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:20,896
Sure do.
316
00:14:20,930 --> 00:14:22,664
But we outlive the brave.
317
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:26,301
Leaving us cowards to make time
with the heroes' widows.
318
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:29,204
After Korea,
I was drowning in boobies.
319
00:14:29,238 --> 00:14:31,773
Wow, that sounds pretty sweet.
320
00:14:31,808 --> 00:14:33,575
Well, there is a price.
321
00:14:33,610 --> 00:14:36,778
Do you wake up sweating
in the middle of the night?
322
00:14:36,813 --> 00:14:37,779
Yes.
323
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,114
So do I.
324
00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:40,248
But I get back to sleep
325
00:14:40,283 --> 00:14:42,050
by counting the men I let down.
326
00:14:42,085 --> 00:14:44,620
There's Jerry, Izzy, Brooklyn,
327
00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:48,557
the O'Donnell boys,
the lost ship PT-108,
328
00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:50,559
the Poor Buggers
of Meatloaf Ridge,
329
00:14:50,593 --> 00:14:52,227
the Andrew sisters...
330
00:15:02,872 --> 00:15:04,006
I understand.
331
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,508
You have standards.
332
00:15:08,711 --> 00:15:11,146
This is an angry sleepover.
333
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,882
I'm only doing it
'cause it was on the books.
334
00:15:15,151 --> 00:15:16,232
LISA
While Bart was in hell,
335
00:15:16,252 --> 00:15:17,552
Homer was happily surrounded
336
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:19,755
by fire and brimstone.
337
00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:23,458
Okay, let's make some fireworks.
338
00:15:23,493 --> 00:15:25,827
Now drive slowly
and a-carefully
339
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,796
to my workshop.
340
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:31,033
It's in-a the Cobblestone
a-District.
341
00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:36,872
Oh, thank God--
a rickety bridge.
342
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:42,978
Don't worry.
343
00:15:43,012 --> 00:15:46,048
We'll be safe
in the Gas a-Lamp a-District.
344
00:16:13,042 --> 00:16:14,176
Can I pitch something?
345
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:15,277
Go ahead.
346
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:16,778
Boom! Biddy bom-bom boom!
347
00:16:16,813 --> 00:16:18,613
Biddy bom bow! Ba-dip-boo!
348
00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:20,015
Boom! Boom!
349
00:16:20,049 --> 00:16:22,818
That's-a nice.
350
00:16:22,852 --> 00:16:25,520
♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪
351
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:29,291
♪ The honesty's too much... ♪
352
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,528
Wrong holiday, Charlie Brown.
353
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,367
Yoink. Ha-haw!
354
00:16:39,402 --> 00:16:40,902
We're on it, ma'am!
355
00:16:40,937 --> 00:16:43,405
Okay, coarse gunpowder,
get the ball in there,
356
00:16:43,439 --> 00:16:46,074
don't forget the wadding,
tamp, tamp, tamp,
357
00:16:46,109 --> 00:16:47,876
fine gunpowder in the pan,
358
00:16:47,910 --> 00:16:50,712
firing stance, take
careful aim and...
359
00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:54,149
Uh, yeah,
not enough tamping, Chief.
360
00:16:54,183 --> 00:16:55,751
Coarse gunpowder,
ball, wadding,
361
00:16:55,785 --> 00:16:57,185
tamp, tamp, tamp,
tamp, tamp, tamp,
362
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:58,820
fine gunpowder in the pan.
363
00:16:58,855 --> 00:16:59,955
Come on...
364
00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:07,095
Aw, my boy's having a bad night.
365
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:08,697
We should get
this show on the road.
366
00:17:08,731 --> 00:17:10,832
No, the time is not yet right.
367
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:13,502
When they look
at their watches and mutter,
368
00:17:13,536 --> 00:17:16,338
"Hey, when are these a-jerks
going to a-start?"
369
00:17:16,372 --> 00:17:19,841
That's when they're ready
to be enchanted.
370
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:21,209
Come on, let's go!
371
00:17:21,244 --> 00:17:23,078
I can't stand to see
my family unhappy
372
00:17:23,112 --> 00:17:25,447
on America's holiest day.
373
00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:28,083
Actually, July 2 is
374
00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:31,052
when congress declared
independence,
375
00:17:31,087 --> 00:17:34,422
the date that-a
should be celebrated.
376
00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:35,757
Hey, Super Mario.
377
00:17:35,792 --> 00:17:38,026
Don't you tell me about America!
378
00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:39,895
Idiot! I'm-a right!
379
00:17:39,929 --> 00:17:41,196
No, you're a-wrong!
380
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:43,932
"July 2"--
I am quoting John Adams!
381
00:17:43,966 --> 00:17:45,467
Who the hell is that?
382
00:17:49,305 --> 00:17:51,640
Oh, dear.
The term "target audience"
383
00:17:51,674 --> 00:17:54,342
is taking
on a sinister connotation.
384
00:17:58,581 --> 00:18:00,982
Milhouse, this is my chance
to make things right.
385
00:18:01,017 --> 00:18:03,218
What are you up to now?
386
00:18:03,252 --> 00:18:06,087
Get on that bus! I'll explain
during the explosions!
387
00:18:06,122 --> 00:18:08,089
Don't a-panic! We'll be okay
388
00:18:08,124 --> 00:18:11,226
as long as the sequence
doesn't a-start.
389
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:13,829
Hit Bart's dad in the butt!
390
00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:15,230
Roger that.
391
00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:16,665
Did you factor in the wind?
392
00:18:16,699 --> 00:18:19,835
No.
393
00:18:19,869 --> 00:18:22,571
♪ Sometimes when we touch. ♪
394
00:18:22,605 --> 00:18:25,273
♪ The honesty's too much... ♪
395
00:18:25,308 --> 00:18:26,641
Don't worry, boys!
396
00:18:26,676 --> 00:18:29,177
I'll be with you
all the way to Berlin.
397
00:18:39,155 --> 00:18:40,322
So, who is our hero?
398
00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:41,656
I hope it's Carl.
399
00:18:41,691 --> 00:18:43,258
Nah, no such luck.
400
00:18:43,292 --> 00:18:44,452
I was just Tweeting a picture
401
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:46,328
of what I thought
was my last meal.
402
00:18:46,362 --> 00:18:48,296
Hot dog and French fries!
403
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:57,339
Milhouse is our unlikely savior!
404
00:18:57,373 --> 00:19:00,542
Quit explaining everything,
let him talk.
405
00:19:00,576 --> 00:19:02,010
Well, it wasn't me.
406
00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:03,178
It was Bart who...
407
00:19:03,212 --> 00:19:05,213
Saw everything you did.
408
00:19:05,248 --> 00:19:07,015
Milhouse is the hero.
409
00:19:07,049 --> 00:19:09,951
Take it from me, the boy
who's lied throughout.
410
00:19:09,986 --> 00:19:12,621
Milhouse! Milhouse!
411
00:19:12,655 --> 00:19:13,889
Oh, I get it now.
412
00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:16,558
Thanks, Bart.
413
00:19:16,592 --> 00:19:19,828
So Milhouse got the redemption
he deserved,
414
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:22,731
and so, in a way, did Bart.
415
00:19:22,765 --> 00:19:25,467
Coward! Coward! Coward!
416
00:19:25,501 --> 00:19:27,736
Which meant that, at long last,
417
00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:30,972
my brother could get
a good night's sleep.
418
00:19:40,349 --> 00:19:42,550
Oh, enough doom and gloom!
419
00:19:58,694 --> 00:20:00,828
Look, Maggie, I undid my deed.
420
00:20:00,862 --> 00:20:04,231
So I'm just gonna take
your feather and say good night.
421
00:20:04,266 --> 00:20:06,600
Oh, where are these coming from?
422
00:20:08,003 --> 00:20:09,570
Oh, I see.
423
00:20:09,604 --> 00:20:13,407
That's all you wanted.
424
00:20:13,442 --> 00:20:15,643
How's that, kiddo?
425
00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:22,446
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
426
00:20:23,339 --> 00:20:26,146
♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪
427
00:20:26,362 --> 00:20:29,932
♪ The honesty,
she's-a too much ♪
428
00:20:29,966 --> 00:20:35,537
♪ And I have
to close my eyes and hide ♪
429
00:20:35,572 --> 00:20:39,174
♪ I wanna
hold you till I die... ♪
430
00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:40,275
One more year, tops.
431
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:41,343
I live-a longer than you.
432
00:20:41,377 --> 00:20:43,512
I take a senior spin class.
433
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,681
Always I'm increasing
the tension.
434
00:20:45,715 --> 00:20:46,782
Then, burn on you
435
00:20:46,816 --> 00:20:47,850
'cause you'll be holding
436
00:20:47,884 --> 00:20:48,951
onto a dead guy.
437
00:20:48,985 --> 00:20:51,120
♪ I wanna hold you ♪
438
00:20:51,154 --> 00:20:54,356
♪ A-till the fear
in me subsides... ♪
439
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:55,457
Believe me, if you're holding
440
00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,593
onto a 300-pound dead guy,
441
00:20:57,627 --> 00:20:59,761
fear is not gonna be
your problem.
442
00:20:59,796 --> 00:21:01,930
Congratulations, you
have ruined a beautiful song.
443
00:21:01,965 --> 00:21:04,099
It's a song?
I thought we were just riffing.
444
00:21:04,134 --> 00:21:06,268
I apologize to Dan Hill
445
00:21:06,302 --> 00:21:07,336
and all of our viewers.
446
00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:08,804
I don't!
Shh!
447
00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:11,791
Usher, will you stop
that person who's shushing?