1 00:00:06,719 --> 00:00:09,352 ♪ Your face ♪ 2 00:00:09,388 --> 00:00:13,356 ♪ Is like a song ♪ 3 00:00:13,392 --> 00:00:15,425 ♪ Your sweet eyes whisper ♪ 4 00:00:15,461 --> 00:00:18,395 ♪ And I want to sing along ♪ 5 00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,964 ♪ Your features ♪ 6 00:00:20,999 --> 00:00:25,035 ♪ Are in tune ♪ 7 00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:26,636 ♪ Let's sing together ♪ 8 00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:29,773 ♪ And turn every month to June ♪ 9 00:00:29,808 --> 00:00:33,243 ♪ Your face hums ♪ 10 00:00:33,278 --> 00:00:35,946 ♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪ 11 00:00:35,981 --> 00:00:38,915 ♪ No more ♪ 12 00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:41,718 ♪ Singin' a capella ♪ 13 00:00:41,754 --> 00:00:43,954 ♪ No ♪ 14 00:00:43,989 --> 00:00:47,157 ♪ Longer lonely ♪ 15 00:00:49,194 --> 00:00:51,928 ♪ Lovin' you only ♪ 16 00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:58,001 ♪ Your lips ♪ 17 00:00:58,036 --> 00:01:01,905 ♪ With mine will rhyme ♪ 18 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:03,907 ♪ And when they touch me ♪ 19 00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:06,943 ♪ It's a symphony divine ♪ 20 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,246 ♪ Your cheeks ♪ 21 00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:13,416 ♪ Your ears, your hair ♪ 22 00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,352 ♪ Weave me a melody ♪ 23 00:01:15,387 --> 00:01:18,622 ♪ A melody so rare ♪ 24 00:01:18,657 --> 00:01:22,092 ♪ Your face hums ♪ 25 00:01:22,127 --> 00:01:24,528 ♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪ 26 00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:27,697 ♪ No more ♪ 27 00:01:27,733 --> 00:01:30,433 ♪ Singin' a capella ♪ 28 00:01:30,469 --> 00:01:32,435 ♪ No ♪ 29 00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:35,872 ♪ Longer lonely ♪ 30 00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:42,145 ♪ Lovin' you only ♪ 31 00:01:58,363 --> 00:02:00,297 Okay, movie's over. 32 00:02:00,332 --> 00:02:02,399 The superheroes are friends again. Let's get out of here. 33 00:02:02,434 --> 00:02:04,968 We can't leave before the post-credits sequence. 34 00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:08,905 Why does Jeremy Renner need two assistants? 35 00:02:08,941 --> 00:02:11,308 Shh. Here comes the sequence. 36 00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:14,211 The Avengers were too strong for us, my Lord. 37 00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:20,517 What? Who's that? 38 00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:22,485 That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben. 39 00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:25,188 He was alive the whole time. 40 00:02:25,224 --> 00:02:26,656 And evil. 41 00:02:26,692 --> 00:02:30,560 With great power, comes no responsibility. 42 00:02:33,599 --> 00:02:34,931 Finally. 43 00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,666 What? You saw it. 44 00:02:36,702 --> 00:02:39,903 That was a mid-credit scene. There's more. 45 00:02:42,407 --> 00:02:43,773 Who the hell are you? 46 00:02:43,809 --> 00:02:45,442 I'm assembling a team of the best 47 00:02:45,477 --> 00:02:47,110 team assemblers in the world. 48 00:02:47,145 --> 00:02:51,281 And I want you to help me put together that team. 49 00:02:51,316 --> 00:02:53,817 Assemblers assemble! 50 00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:02,125 Time. To. Go. 51 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,894 But there's two more credit sequences. 52 00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:06,096 When I was a kid, movies ended when they ended. 53 00:03:06,131 --> 00:03:07,931 The only reason you stayed for the credits 54 00:03:07,966 --> 00:03:09,866 was to see who sang "The Power of Love." 55 00:03:09,902 --> 00:03:11,935 And it was usually Huey Lewis. 56 00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:14,137 I liked the first post-credit sequence the best. 57 00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:15,805 I liked the fifth. 58 00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:17,407 Pipe down. I'm trying to listen 59 00:03:17,442 --> 00:03:19,409 to preseason minor league baseball. 60 00:03:19,444 --> 00:03:20,977 And with the last 61 00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:22,479 of the Isotopes pitchers 62 00:03:22,514 --> 00:03:25,415 receiving Tommy John surgery on the mound, 63 00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:27,584 that's the ball game. Good night, everybody. 64 00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:32,188 Stupid baseball traffic. 65 00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:34,190 I'm taking a shortcut home. 66 00:03:37,229 --> 00:03:41,097 Kids, look. We used to live here before we were married. 67 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,300 It's the old Beef Rendering District. 68 00:03:43,335 --> 00:03:45,835 Ah, yes, Tallow-town. 69 00:03:45,871 --> 00:03:47,370 At the end of every factory tour, 70 00:03:47,406 --> 00:03:49,539 they gave you a free glass of blood. 71 00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:52,008 Huh, it's really gentrified. 72 00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:54,778 Oh, a store where you grind and flavor 73 00:03:54,813 --> 00:03:57,013 your own house made toothpaste. 74 00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:01,651 Ooh. Mmm. Terrible. 75 00:04:01,687 --> 00:04:04,120 There's our old building. Look. 76 00:04:06,058 --> 00:04:08,758 Our fifth floor walk-up apartment. 77 00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:12,862 Dad, you walked up five floors every day? 78 00:04:12,898 --> 00:04:14,597 No. I took the elevator 79 00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:16,232 to the top of the building next door, 80 00:04:16,268 --> 00:04:18,501 then crawled across a plank to our roof. 81 00:04:18,537 --> 00:04:21,204 Hey! I pioneered that trail! 82 00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:23,373 Yeah, great. Thank you, Kit Carson. 83 00:04:23,408 --> 00:04:25,976 Kids, you want to check out our old apartment? 84 00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:27,744 Huh? Huh? 85 00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:30,914 I can tell from your tone that we're going either way. 86 00:04:30,949 --> 00:04:32,849 I have one tone. 87 00:04:35,253 --> 00:04:38,254 Hi. You don't know me, but I'm Marge Simpson. 88 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,557 Oh, yeah, I recognize that name. 89 00:04:40,592 --> 00:04:42,459 In fact, we still get mail for you. 90 00:04:42,527 --> 00:04:43,793 Mm. 91 00:04:43,829 --> 00:04:45,028 Ooh. 92 00:04:46,732 --> 00:04:48,264 Aw. 93 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:49,566 Oh, thank God. 94 00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:52,869 A list of 101 new choking hazards. 95 00:04:52,904 --> 00:04:55,705 Pacifiers? 96 00:05:00,112 --> 00:05:02,178 No! No. 97 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,214 Maggie! 98 00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:05,715 Oh, here. 99 00:05:05,751 --> 00:05:06,916 So can I get you anything? 100 00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:08,251 Weed? Edibles? 101 00:05:08,286 --> 00:05:09,819 Pudding with a joint in the center? 102 00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:11,254 But we need you out by 7:00. 103 00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,089 We Airbnb this place every night 104 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,025 while we stay at a cheaper Airbnb. 105 00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:17,260 Mmm. Disruptive. 106 00:05:17,295 --> 00:05:21,398 Before Homer and I got married, we had amazing times here. 107 00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:23,099 Yeah, right. 108 00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:25,435 Like you could possibly ever have fun without us. 109 00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:27,270 It was a wonderful time. 110 00:05:27,305 --> 00:05:29,873 - We were living the DINK life. - Dink? 111 00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:33,309 - DINK: Dual income, no kids. - Oh, DINK. 112 00:05:33,345 --> 00:05:35,612 How come you can say dink when you're talking about your jobs, 113 00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:38,882 but I can't say dink when I'm talking about my dingus. 114 00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:41,217 Before we had you, life was a breeze. 115 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,053 We'd go to amusement parks without going 116 00:05:43,088 --> 00:05:44,888 on those stupid baby rides. 117 00:05:44,923 --> 00:05:47,223 Squeezing my butt into a little biplane 118 00:05:47,292 --> 00:05:49,225 that only goes four feet off the ground. 119 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:52,662 Actually, Dad, it's supposed to go 12 feet off the ground. 120 00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:55,231 - D'oh! - It was a great life. 121 00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,900 We were swimming in DINKs. 122 00:05:58,637 --> 00:06:01,905 See? That was the key to their happiness... no kids. 123 00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,640 We've been talking about starting a family, 124 00:06:03,675 --> 00:06:05,408 but we're just not sure we're ready. 125 00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:07,977 We can't even agree on what to name our ferret. 126 00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:09,679 Yeah, we both like Caitlin, 127 00:06:09,714 --> 00:06:12,248 but we just, we can't agree on the spelling. 128 00:06:14,386 --> 00:06:16,920 Well, we used to be just like you. 129 00:06:16,955 --> 00:06:20,156 Childless and partying every night. 130 00:06:29,134 --> 00:06:33,369 Hey, check out who crashed the party, Kent Brockman. 131 00:06:33,405 --> 00:06:37,874 Ooh, he does the animal adoption segment on Thursday mornings. 132 00:06:37,909 --> 00:06:39,943 Eh? Eh? 133 00:06:39,978 --> 00:06:41,478 Yes, the biggest problem with winning 134 00:06:41,513 --> 00:06:43,313 a local Humane Society Golden Pig Ear 135 00:06:43,348 --> 00:06:45,815 is just staying humble. 136 00:06:45,851 --> 00:06:47,951 This celebrity sighting will be the lede 137 00:06:47,986 --> 00:06:50,954 for my gossip column, "Marge Madness." 138 00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:53,690 - Hmm. - Ow. What are you doing? 139 00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,558 There isn't even a dartboard. 140 00:06:55,594 --> 00:06:56,860 You're Marge Bouvier? 141 00:06:56,895 --> 00:06:58,495 Oh, I read your listings every week... 142 00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:01,197 correct dates, very few typos, professional stuff. 143 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,532 - Mm. - Just steer clear 144 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:05,068 of pet shelters and fun runs, those are my beat. 145 00:07:05,103 --> 00:07:07,537 Mr. Brockman, you're hurting my arm. 146 00:07:07,572 --> 00:07:09,172 Oh, I'm sorry. 147 00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:12,208 I just care about soft news so much. 148 00:07:12,244 --> 00:07:14,744 I had a job at a cutting edge new company 149 00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:16,412 that would change the world. 150 00:07:16,448 --> 00:07:19,015 Homer, next week we finally take our revolutionary 151 00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:20,650 teeth whitening strips to market. 152 00:07:20,685 --> 00:07:22,085 I couldn't have done it without you, man. 153 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,220 Together, we make an amazing team. 154 00:07:24,256 --> 00:07:26,856 Me, with my advanced degrees in medicine, chemistry 155 00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:29,859 and business, and you, with your gentle good humor. 156 00:07:29,895 --> 00:07:31,661 I hear that. 157 00:07:31,696 --> 00:07:33,096 I love it. 158 00:07:33,131 --> 00:07:34,564 It's like I know you're not listening to me, 159 00:07:34,599 --> 00:07:35,865 but I'm not mad at you. 160 00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:37,433 - I'm sorry, what? - Exactly. 161 00:07:37,469 --> 00:07:39,869 Buddy, whatever I make, you get a piece of. 162 00:07:39,905 --> 00:07:42,939 I hear that. I mean, I really hear that. 163 00:07:44,943 --> 00:07:48,278 Homer took me to the hippest spots in town. 164 00:08:02,661 --> 00:08:04,260 Oh, Homie. 165 00:08:04,296 --> 00:08:07,697 This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. 166 00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:09,199 Hold onto it, Marge. 167 00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:11,034 Hold on and never let go. 168 00:08:11,069 --> 00:08:13,069 - The moment? - No, the rail! 169 00:08:30,388 --> 00:08:33,489 Oh, quit resting. 170 00:08:33,525 --> 00:08:36,426 We'd see classic movies whenever we wanted. 171 00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:13,963 Hey, some of us are trying to enjoy the movie. 172 00:09:13,999 --> 00:09:15,531 No, none of us are. 173 00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:20,970 At least I died before I'm 30! 174 00:09:22,407 --> 00:09:25,508 Yes, he was 47 when he made this film. 175 00:09:27,145 --> 00:09:28,611 Did you two lovebirds-a know 176 00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:30,380 there's a meteor shower tonight? 177 00:09:30,415 --> 00:09:33,516 Homie. We should drive to the desert and watch it. 178 00:09:33,551 --> 00:09:36,953 What about the kids? Oh, right, we have none. 179 00:09:45,697 --> 00:09:47,730 So why can't you do stuff like that now? 180 00:09:47,766 --> 00:09:49,065 Why do you think? 181 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,000 It couldn't be me, Booze 'n' snooze. 182 00:09:51,036 --> 00:09:52,568 Why you little... 183 00:09:52,604 --> 00:09:55,305 Marge! 184 00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:58,074 Pick up the narrative! 185 00:09:58,109 --> 00:10:01,210 We were having the time of our lives. 186 00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:12,801 And then it came. 187 00:10:13,725 --> 00:10:15,091 Have some num-num. 188 00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:16,526 Who likes num-num? 189 00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:17,894 You like num-num? 190 00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:20,863 Oh, there's a meteor shower tonight. 191 00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:22,265 We'll do the next one. 192 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,001 It's in 187 years. 193 00:10:25,036 --> 00:10:27,236 Where are they coming from, outer space? 194 00:10:27,272 --> 00:10:28,604 Have some num-num. 195 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,381 Who likes num-num? You like num-num? 196 00:10:33,914 --> 00:10:36,912 Where did this beautiful man go? 197 00:10:36,947 --> 00:10:38,180 Dad, 198 00:10:38,215 --> 00:10:40,349 I know it was fun to be young and free, 199 00:10:40,384 --> 00:10:43,385 but how could you ever replace us? 200 00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,355 Pool table, jukebox, and a vacation to Bermuda. 201 00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:48,157 Dad! Can you please get to the part 202 00:10:48,192 --> 00:10:51,026 where you reassure us how glad you are we're here? 203 00:10:51,061 --> 00:10:53,562 Hey, as long as I'm the pool table, I'm cool. 204 00:10:53,597 --> 00:10:55,097 Sweetie, I treasure you. 205 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,365 But before you kids, 206 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,867 I used to know the names of people in bands! 207 00:10:58,903 --> 00:11:01,570 And not just the singer, but the guitar guy! 208 00:11:01,605 --> 00:11:06,074 And baby Bart was the worst son of a bitch you could imagine. 209 00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,844 We were the first of our friends to have a baby, 210 00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:10,879 so we got lots of attention. 211 00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:12,881 - Aw. - Aw. 212 00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:15,851 Aw, hey, little man. Up high. 213 00:11:15,886 --> 00:11:17,586 Down low. Too slow. 214 00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,691 Again! 215 00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,793 All right. Up high. 216 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,297 Oh! Ow! What was that?! 217 00:11:28,332 --> 00:11:30,265 Oh, that's tangelo! Come on! 218 00:11:30,301 --> 00:11:33,302 That's the most acidic of all the citrus fruits! 219 00:11:33,337 --> 00:11:36,471 I see now that even babies don't respect you. 220 00:11:36,507 --> 00:11:39,942 Were you planning on bringing this brat to board game night? 221 00:11:39,977 --> 00:11:41,310 Oh, sea salt! 222 00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:43,512 The biggest crystals of all! 223 00:11:44,548 --> 00:11:46,048 We don't have a sitter. 224 00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:47,916 Invitation rescinded! 225 00:11:47,952 --> 00:11:50,619 Next, baby Bart ruined my one shot at success, 226 00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:53,322 my only fast pass to cash mountain. 227 00:11:53,357 --> 00:11:54,990 Yes, thank you. You won't be sorry. 228 00:11:55,025 --> 00:11:56,325 We're goin' places, Homer. 229 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,060 Soon you'll be in a higher tax bracket. 230 00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:00,729 D'oh! 231 00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,898 What's that thing on your shoulder? 232 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,633 Uh, my son. 233 00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:06,101 You can't have a kid. 234 00:12:06,136 --> 00:12:08,537 But I have a kid. 235 00:12:08,572 --> 00:12:11,073 A kid indicates you took time away from me to conceive. 236 00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:12,875 It's like a virus. It starts spreading, 237 00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,843 and suddenly everyone's getting married 238 00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:15,978 when they should be working. 239 00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,446 Working. Always working. 240 00:12:17,481 --> 00:12:18,647 Ooh. 241 00:12:18,682 --> 00:12:20,782 I have a difficult choice here. 242 00:12:20,818 --> 00:12:23,819 You chose me over money? 243 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:26,355 Ooh! I deserved that. 244 00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:28,690 And that. Now he's worth $10 billion. 245 00:12:28,726 --> 00:12:31,260 I still have his phone number, but I've never called it. 246 00:12:31,295 --> 00:12:32,361 Well, why not? 247 00:12:32,396 --> 00:12:33,495 He loved you before. 248 00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,030 You're the same guy. 249 00:12:35,065 --> 00:12:36,131 Yeah! 250 00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:38,600 Homer Simpson? 251 00:12:38,636 --> 00:12:40,135 Buddy, is that you? 252 00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,504 I've been expecting this call for years. 253 00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:44,039 You remember me? 254 00:12:44,074 --> 00:12:46,808 Of course. I've been waiting to say something to you. 255 00:12:46,844 --> 00:12:47,943 Are you ready? 256 00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:49,311 I sure am. 257 00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,647 Good-bye 258 00:12:51,682 --> 00:12:54,283 forever. 259 00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:57,696 Oh. 260 00:13:00,090 --> 00:13:02,624 Closure is supposed to be a good thing. 261 00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:06,962 Also, I'm afraid, a newborn and a journalism career did not mix. 262 00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:09,665 This is terrible! I wanted quotes from the swing set, 263 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,199 not price quotes on swing sets. 264 00:13:13,003 --> 00:13:14,336 Party pics, not potty tips. 265 00:13:14,371 --> 00:13:16,138 Glitterati, not babysitterati. 266 00:13:16,173 --> 00:13:18,240 Are you getting my drift or should I throw you an oar? 267 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,376 It's important for new parents to know this stuff. 268 00:13:21,412 --> 00:13:22,678 New parents? Eh. 269 00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:24,012 They're not the audience for the Leisure Section. 270 00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:25,347 All they care about are babies. 271 00:13:25,382 --> 00:13:27,149 Babies are boring. I'd rather talk about soccer. 272 00:13:27,184 --> 00:13:28,184 And I hate soccer! 273 00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:29,751 Marge, do you like bacon? 274 00:13:29,787 --> 00:13:30,986 Yes, ac... 275 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,554 Well, you got one last chance to save yours. 276 00:13:32,589 --> 00:13:34,356 Get me a good nightlife story, or I'm replacing you 277 00:13:34,391 --> 00:13:36,992 with someone with a nightlife, Barbara Rellalinsky! 278 00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:39,528 I will get the scoop. 279 00:13:39,563 --> 00:13:41,196 So, 280 00:13:41,231 --> 00:13:44,199 you've moved into painting giant schnozzes. 281 00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,668 Marge, the mouth has had its say. 282 00:13:46,704 --> 00:13:50,005 Now it's time to find out what the nose knows. 283 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,507 That's a pull-quote, if ever I heard one. 284 00:13:52,543 --> 00:13:55,043 Pretty much everything I say is quotable. 285 00:13:55,079 --> 00:13:57,179 Well, not that. 286 00:13:58,515 --> 00:14:00,148 What are you doing here? 287 00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:01,683 I'm so sorry, sweetie. 288 00:14:01,719 --> 00:14:03,218 I know it's my night to watch Bart, 289 00:14:03,253 --> 00:14:04,920 but he just won't stop fussing. 290 00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:07,723 Did you try driving around to make him fall asleep? 291 00:14:07,758 --> 00:14:09,491 It only worked on me. 292 00:14:14,898 --> 00:14:18,100 Next stop: Somali Pirate Island. 293 00:14:18,135 --> 00:14:19,201 D'oh! 294 00:14:22,773 --> 00:14:25,107 Bunny! 295 00:14:35,652 --> 00:14:37,619 It's not art anymore! 296 00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:40,155 It's a misshapen lump on the floor! 297 00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,824 Not like this masterpiece! 298 00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,262 Marge, this photo is dynamite! 299 00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:48,331 Thank you! 300 00:14:48,332 --> 00:14:49,631 Dynamite kills people! 301 00:14:49,666 --> 00:14:52,100 Thanks to your kid, we just lost all our art advertising, 302 00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:54,302 the art gallery and Art's Deli, which catered the event. 303 00:14:54,338 --> 00:14:56,304 You're fired! Turn in your press card and your fedora! 304 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,106 And I'm gonna erase your name from this birthday card 305 00:14:58,142 --> 00:15:00,042 we got for Doris. 306 00:15:00,077 --> 00:15:02,411 See? It's gone! She won't miss it. She never liked you. 307 00:15:02,446 --> 00:15:04,613 But I still had the greatest job in the world, 308 00:15:04,648 --> 00:15:07,049 I thought: Being a mom. 309 00:15:11,822 --> 00:15:13,155 Boy, if it wasn't for naptime, 310 00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:15,824 we'd have all been dead from the stress years ago. 311 00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,999 I didn't do it. 312 00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:26,668 You are banned forever from Gymdandee; 313 00:15:26,703 --> 00:15:29,471 Our sister shops, Swimdandee and Violindandee; 314 00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:31,673 And all other Kid Kennel enrichment centers 315 00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:32,841 and baby prisons. 316 00:15:34,645 --> 00:15:36,344 Hey, Homer. 317 00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,013 Haven't seen you in a while. 318 00:15:38,048 --> 00:15:39,514 I switched to donuts. 319 00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,016 Oy. 320 00:15:41,051 --> 00:15:42,717 Our dream life crumbling, 321 00:15:42,753 --> 00:15:45,520 Homie and I sought counseling at the church. 322 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:50,292 You were so very wise to bring your problems here. 323 00:15:50,327 --> 00:15:52,294 Now, won't you bow your heads 324 00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:54,362 and watch this video. 325 00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:03,105 Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom, 326 00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:07,042 author of Fractured Families and How to Heal Them. 327 00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:10,545 I think we all know who Professor Thernstrom is. 328 00:16:10,581 --> 00:16:12,447 Play the video. 329 00:16:12,483 --> 00:16:14,382 Jane was an only child. 330 00:16:14,418 --> 00:16:16,718 And science has proven that only children 331 00:16:16,753 --> 00:16:18,186 are lonely children 332 00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:21,289 and lonely children are evil children. 333 00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:29,397 Jane's problems became the family's problems. 334 00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:37,906 They came to see me, and, nine months later, 335 00:16:37,941 --> 00:16:40,175 Joe was born, and all was well. 336 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,843 Do not undertake procreation alone. 337 00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:43,778 Warning: Second child may cause loss of money, 338 00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:45,313 limited vacations, and reduced sleep. 339 00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,048 Do not have a second child if you have heart problems, 340 00:16:47,084 --> 00:16:48,850 are pregnant, or want to keep your spare bedroom. 341 00:16:48,886 --> 00:16:51,586 In rare cases, sibling rivalry may occur. 342 00:16:54,558 --> 00:16:55,790 That's it, Homie! 343 00:16:55,826 --> 00:16:57,192 That's the answer! 344 00:16:57,227 --> 00:16:59,194 We're having another child. 345 00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,462 But just the one. 346 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,097 We're not Catholics. 347 00:17:02,132 --> 00:17:04,633 And so we decided to have Lisa. 348 00:17:04,668 --> 00:17:06,301 That's what this was building to? 349 00:17:06,336 --> 00:17:08,970 I thought this was the story of how we got our furnace. 350 00:17:09,006 --> 00:17:11,506 Who would care how we got the furnace? 351 00:17:11,542 --> 00:17:12,542 I would care. 352 00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:13,842 It came with the house. 353 00:17:13,877 --> 00:17:15,744 Mystery solved! 354 00:17:25,283 --> 00:17:27,250 Finally, he's asleep. Let's make another. 355 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:29,252 - Mmm, mmm. - No. Oh, not here. 356 00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:32,122 He might wake up. The only safe place is out on the fire escape. 357 00:17:32,157 --> 00:17:33,723 What if firemen need it? 358 00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,725 I'll be quick. 359 00:17:36,828 --> 00:17:40,363 Now Mother Nature does the rest. 360 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,000 Hmm... 361 00:17:46,571 --> 00:17:49,139 Duh, girls don't like me. 362 00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:58,248 Hey! No fair! 363 00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:00,250 Hey, where did he get those glasses? 364 00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:02,819 The saxophone makes sense, but the glasses don't? 365 00:18:02,854 --> 00:18:04,354 Shut up, you! 366 00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:06,356 Shut up! 367 00:18:10,028 --> 00:18:13,129 And so after a lot of late-night ice cream 368 00:18:13,165 --> 00:18:14,393 and pickles, 369 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,732 Lisa was born. 370 00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:17,200 And the best part was 371 00:18:17,235 --> 00:18:20,403 Bart became the calmest boy in the whole world. 372 00:18:20,438 --> 00:18:21,871 More or less. 373 00:18:21,907 --> 00:18:23,206 Why, you... 374 00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:26,676 You delightful little blessing. 375 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,648 Someone's gonna need four months of rehab. 376 00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:33,583 Not covered by insurance. 377 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:38,254 So a family with kids is a different kind of happy, 378 00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:39,923 but still happy. 379 00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,525 Wow. Just, uh... wow. 380 00:18:42,561 --> 00:18:43,927 Hey, where's your wife? 381 00:18:43,962 --> 00:18:46,262 Uh, she left me forever during your story. 382 00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:48,531 If you look out the window, you can probably see her. 383 00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:49,933 Oh. 384 00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:51,467 Why did you leave?! 385 00:18:51,503 --> 00:18:54,137 Because I never want to be stuck with people like you 386 00:18:54,172 --> 00:18:57,841 who stunt each other's growth with your rampant dysfunction! 387 00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:01,744 Quick. Family smile. 388 00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,246 Our lives are great! 389 00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:06,850 We left out the happy parts because they were boring! 390 00:19:06,918 --> 00:19:09,219 Nothing wrong with this picture. 391 00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:14,891 Get over here, Lisa. 392 00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:16,392 The only way humanity survives 393 00:19:16,428 --> 00:19:19,796 is if people perpetuate this lie. 394 00:19:19,831 --> 00:19:21,264 Well, why is she frowning? 395 00:19:21,299 --> 00:19:23,399 Is there some unhappiness you're hiding? 396 00:19:23,435 --> 00:19:24,901 Um... 397 00:19:24,936 --> 00:19:27,804 I'm gonna stake my whole marriage on what you do next! 398 00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:29,772 Smile. Don't be a dink. 399 00:19:29,841 --> 00:19:31,107 Mm... 400 00:19:33,245 --> 00:19:35,812 I love you, Miles! 401 00:19:39,618 --> 00:19:40,917 You did it, sweetie. 402 00:19:40,952 --> 00:19:42,785 You saved two bad marriages. 403 00:19:42,821 --> 00:19:45,121 What's the first bad marriage? 404 00:19:45,156 --> 00:19:46,389 Uh, I miscounted. 405 00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:48,224 You saved one bad marriage. Just one. 406 00:19:49,328 --> 00:19:51,862 Aw, reminds me of the first time we hugged. 407 00:19:51,863 --> 00:19:52,897 Great story. 408 00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:54,230 Get out. 409 00:19:54,266 --> 00:19:56,399 Well, we may not be ethical, 410 00:19:56,434 --> 00:19:58,134 but we're a great team. 411 00:19:58,169 --> 00:20:00,470 Just like Fred and Ethical. 412 00:20:00,505 --> 00:20:02,005 Want to tell us how Maggie was born? 413 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,473 We told you that story. 414 00:20:03,508 --> 00:20:05,808 - And how we got the dog? - Found him at Christmas. 415 00:20:05,844 --> 00:20:08,677 - And the origin of the cat? - Nobody cares. 416 00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:13,087 This was a nice idea, Homie. 417 00:20:13,317 --> 00:20:14,817 I'm glad we came back here. 418 00:20:14,852 --> 00:20:16,085 Just the two of us. 419 00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,522 Just imagine what they'd do 420 00:20:20,558 --> 00:20:22,591 if Grampa wasn't watching them. 421 00:20:22,626 --> 00:20:24,860 I wish I'd never had kids. 422 00:20:24,895 --> 00:20:27,863 Thank God there's no munitions left in the factory. 423 00:20:27,898 --> 00:20:29,198 Never too late for another! 424 00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,467 No one's made it out in a half century! 425 00:20:31,502 --> 00:20:33,502 I didn't even know there were five of us! 426 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:40,476 Make room! What the...? 427 00:20:40,511 --> 00:20:42,144 How did you get in here? 428 00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,779 Mind your own business.