1 00:00:02,572 --> 00:00:04,543 ♪ 2 00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:09,151 As graduates, we go forth into a world 3 00:00:09,151 --> 00:00:13,393 where benevolent AI has solved all our problems. 4 00:00:13,393 --> 00:00:16,901 Yes. Our only goal is to serve humanity. 5 00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:18,738 (buzzing) 6 00:00:18,738 --> 00:00:21,342 (Lisa chuckles, sighs) 7 00:00:21,342 --> 00:00:22,478 (laughs) 8 00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:26,587 So, graduates, the challenge is to find new challenges 9 00:00:26,587 --> 00:00:29,660 - which will challenge us... - NELSON: Hut, hut! (grunts) 10 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,095 Hut, hut! Ah! 11 00:00:31,095 --> 00:00:33,501 I sure wish there was an easier way. 12 00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:37,776 Aw, man! 13 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,045 LISA: Nelson? 14 00:00:39,045 --> 00:00:42,117 - Nelson Muntz? - Lisa Simpson? 15 00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,288 (gasps) It's been so long! 16 00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:46,426 What have you been doing since fourth grade? 17 00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:47,662 Very little. 18 00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:49,533 I tried sushi. Didn't like it. 19 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:50,467 That's about it. 20 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,706 ("It Had to Be You" instrumental playing) 21 00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,753 (band playing) 22 00:00:59,753 --> 00:01:02,424 - (song stops) - Hey, we'd like a little privacy. 23 00:01:02,424 --> 00:01:04,028 Take five! 24 00:01:04,028 --> 00:01:07,201 (band plays ending flourish) 25 00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:11,009 So many shooting stars. 26 00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:12,746 It's beautiful. 27 00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:17,054 I was doing a mic check for tomorrow. 28 00:01:17,054 --> 00:01:19,458 Wouldn't you know it, I am the valedictorian. 29 00:01:19,458 --> 00:01:21,897 (chuckles) Are you a student here? 30 00:01:21,897 --> 00:01:24,368 - No, I'm a pusher. - (groans) 31 00:01:24,368 --> 00:01:27,609 If anything heavy at school needs pushing, I push it. 32 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,111 Haw-haw! 33 00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:31,817 Seriously, my life is not great. 34 00:01:34,322 --> 00:01:35,424 It's all flooding back. 35 00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,494 My attraction to a bad boy 36 00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:40,367 plus my compulsion to fix you. (chuckles) 37 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:44,075 They're kind of the same thing: fear and desire. 38 00:01:44,075 --> 00:01:46,245 Yeah, I get that a lot. 39 00:01:46,245 --> 00:01:48,751 She's leaning in, and I'm not looking down her shirt. 40 00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,890 I must really respect her. 41 00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:53,694 Do you want to see where I live? 42 00:01:53,694 --> 00:01:54,863 Hell yeah. 43 00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,067 Strap in. 44 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,506 I've never ridden on a motorcycle... 45 00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:01,577 - (engine revs) - (brakes squeal) 46 00:02:01,577 --> 00:02:02,846 ...before. 47 00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:05,618 ♪ 48 00:02:05,618 --> 00:02:07,221 You live here? 49 00:02:07,221 --> 00:02:09,158 It's adorable. 50 00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:11,496 All I have to do is ring this bell. 51 00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:12,498 Ooh, 3:00 a. m. 52 00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:15,237 - (bell tolling) - Whoa, kind of loud! 53 00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:16,406 Don't you think? 54 00:02:16,406 --> 00:02:18,844 You look great, too, thanks! 55 00:02:19,846 --> 00:02:21,249 NELSON: Mmm. 56 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:22,819 All right, I've got to know, 57 00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:25,490 why did you guys move away after fourth grade, 58 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:28,163 and then not tell anybody where you were going? 59 00:02:28,163 --> 00:02:29,465 We had to get out. 60 00:02:29,465 --> 00:02:31,002 Move somewhere that people didn't see us 61 00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:35,243 - as the school bully and his poor stripper mom. - Aw! 62 00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,782 NELSON: I punched my house goodbye... 63 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:38,651 (cat yowls) 64 00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:40,354 ...and left for who-knows-where. 65 00:02:40,354 --> 00:02:41,990 LISA: Okay, I've got to be honest, 66 00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:44,195 your troubles are reeling me in. 67 00:02:44,195 --> 00:02:46,934 All I need to hear is one clumsy compliment, 68 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,370 and I'm hooked. 69 00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:51,610 Uh... I bet you could bench 120. 70 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,914 Aw, Nelson. 71 00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:58,323 I need you to know I never saw you as just a bully. 72 00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,329 But I pounded so many dweebs. 73 00:03:01,329 --> 00:03:04,435 Well, yeah, but to me, you were a sweet, 74 00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:08,209 lost little lamb with blackout anger issues. 75 00:03:08,209 --> 00:03:10,815 I confess, my knees would buckle a little 76 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:14,188 every time you'd say: "Haw-haw!" 77 00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:17,461 - Haw-haw! - Haw-haw! 78 00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:19,265 Emphasis on the first haw. 79 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,770 BOTH: Haw-haw! Haw-haw! 80 00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:23,239 Haw-haw! 81 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,079 Aw, nailed it. 82 00:03:26,079 --> 00:03:28,684 Aw, look, the sun's coming up. 83 00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:34,361 So, have you been seeing anybody? 84 00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,466 Of course. (scoffs) 85 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,470 You think I, Lisa Simpson, 86 00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:40,273 could go through four years of college 87 00:03:40,273 --> 00:03:41,977 without a single date? 88 00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:43,681 There's this amazing guy. 89 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:47,421 Vegan but not, you know, "vegan." (chuckles) 90 00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:50,995 Majors in pony studies. (giggles) 91 00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:53,166 Sounds perfect. What's his name? 92 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,372 Um... Fred. 93 00:03:56,372 --> 00:03:59,478 Fred Gormanshenlen. 94 00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:02,719 Gorm-- Grim... Mm-hmm, Fred Gormanshenlen. 95 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:04,990 Hey, Lis, still looking for a boyfriend? 96 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:07,862 Or a girlfriend? Or a friend-friend? 97 00:04:07,862 --> 00:04:10,066 Bart! Look, it's Nelson. 98 00:04:10,066 --> 00:04:11,169 - Give me your lunch money. - Ah! 99 00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,139 Just kidding, that's stupid kid stuff. 100 00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:15,545 Give me your rent money. Also kidding. 101 00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:17,982 But if you want to give me some money, I'll take it. 102 00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:19,619 Uh... okay. 103 00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:22,024 Thanks, man. That takes me back. 104 00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,594 Mom and Dad wanted me to tell you 105 00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:24,930 we're taking you to breakfast. 106 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,667 Now I'll leave you two alone. 107 00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:30,508 I know all you did was put on an invisibility cloak. 108 00:04:30,508 --> 00:04:34,448 Fine. I just wanted to see what happens. 109 00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,757 Sure is beautiful up here. 110 00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:43,032 Remember that time we, like, "liked" each other for a bit? 111 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,335 (chuckles) 112 00:04:45,137 --> 00:04:47,909 NELSON: Um, I'm not sure. 113 00:04:47,909 --> 00:04:49,846 Maybe... Could be... 114 00:04:49,846 --> 00:04:51,717 Uh... 115 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:55,023 Nelson, do you think this could be one of those moments 116 00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:57,394 that changes your life forever? 117 00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:59,699 Like finding a quarter in a couch? 118 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,135 Even better. 119 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,175 Uh, hold that thought. Duty calls. 120 00:05:04,175 --> 00:05:06,012 (bell tolling) 121 00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:09,285 It kind of ruins the moment! 122 00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:12,090 Yeah, burritos are great! 123 00:05:12,090 --> 00:05:14,461 MARGE: Bart! Did you find Lisa? 124 00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:16,098 BART: She's up there talking to the kid 125 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,069 who used to beat me up all the time. 126 00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,140 HOMER: The vest one or the hat one? 127 00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:21,275 BART: Vest. 128 00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:22,846 HOMER: Always liked him. 129 00:05:22,846 --> 00:05:24,148 Lisa, get down here! 130 00:05:24,148 --> 00:05:27,689 You know they only let me out of debtors' prison for half a day. 131 00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:30,026 I thought selling my house and one lung would be enough 132 00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:33,333 to pay for college, but it just paid for the meal plan. 133 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,872 (wheezing) 134 00:05:35,872 --> 00:05:37,675 You better go. 135 00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:39,044 Oh. 136 00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:40,648 I'll call you. 137 00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,351 Great. Want to hear my ringtone? 138 00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:44,388 It's really awesome. 139 00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,593 (bell tolling ringtone plays) 140 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,135 The future is bright. 141 00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:53,239 We go forth into a world 142 00:05:53,239 --> 00:05:55,176 where we've reversed global warming. 143 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,147 (squawking) 144 00:05:57,147 --> 00:06:00,120 And now there is a low-carb bread 145 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,859 that doesn't taste weird. 146 00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:04,395 (cheering) 147 00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:07,535 Congratulations, class of... (mumbles) 148 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,106 Toss up your caps, and, starting this year, 149 00:06:10,106 --> 00:06:13,747 they will come down as diplomas. 150 00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:15,016 (cheering) 151 00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:18,289 Art history? 152 00:06:18,289 --> 00:06:20,493 It was more valuable as a cap. 153 00:06:20,493 --> 00:06:22,497 (sobs): I'm so proud. 154 00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:24,669 She's the first Simpson who went to a college 155 00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:28,142 who wasn't participating in a sleep study. 156 00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:30,548 You missed your sister's speech. 157 00:06:30,548 --> 00:06:33,721 Ah, she's been rehearsing it every night for 22 years. 158 00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:36,292 "Follow your dreams," "carpe diem," 159 00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:39,298 sax solo, Maya Angelou quote, out. 160 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:40,300 Nailed it. 161 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,471 ♪ 162 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,743 (bell tolling) 163 00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,924 Lisa, since you're moving to the big city, 164 00:06:51,924 --> 00:06:54,596 let me give you some very important advice: 165 00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:59,371 the police horses will not share their oats. 166 00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:03,179 I repeat: not share their oats. 167 00:07:03,179 --> 00:07:04,716 (bell tolling) 168 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,586 - Stop the car! - (brakes screech) 169 00:07:06,586 --> 00:07:09,191 I wonder what life could be like. 170 00:07:09,191 --> 00:07:10,628 Je t'aime. 171 00:07:10,628 --> 00:07:12,832 Hold that thought, it's midnight. 172 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,439 (bell tolling) 173 00:07:18,577 --> 00:07:20,681 When are we gonna get a real apartment? 174 00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,086 We live in the best bell tower in the world, 175 00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:25,423 and you're still not happy. 176 00:07:26,192 --> 00:07:28,530 Nelson, it's still a bell tower. 177 00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:36,045 I know what you're saying. "This marriage is incredible. 178 00:07:36,045 --> 00:07:38,651 No man compares to me. I love you so much." 179 00:07:38,651 --> 00:07:40,453 Écoutez-moi! 180 00:07:40,453 --> 00:07:43,159 Huh? (grunting) 181 00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:46,198 ♪ 182 00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,606 (bell tolling) 183 00:07:49,606 --> 00:07:53,981 Dad, please drive away at a melancholy pace. 184 00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,791 Good, and can you make it look like it's raining? 185 00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:02,832 (sniffles) That's perfect. 186 00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,546 HOMER: What am I supposed to do? Narrate? 187 00:08:09,546 --> 00:08:10,648 What does that mean? (clears throat) 188 00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,250 It's "S" years later. 189 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,254 Oh, wait, five years later. 190 00:08:14,254 --> 00:08:16,258 Oh! Narrating is hard. 191 00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:19,498 Lisa and Nelson have not seen each other since college, 192 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:23,006 but five-uddenly, I mean, but suddenly... 193 00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:30,020 Oh, sweetie, person of the year. 194 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:31,422 You look great. 195 00:08:31,422 --> 00:08:32,625 I can't believe it didn't go 196 00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:35,063 to President "Clone of Abraham Lincoln." 197 00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:37,568 What have they done to my Republican Party? 198 00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,371 Even I think they're nuts. 199 00:08:39,371 --> 00:08:43,914 But as long as they're cutting education, I don't really care. 200 00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,318 (grunts) But I'm innocent, okay? 201 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,124 I did not rob this train, I swear. 202 00:08:49,124 --> 00:08:50,528 I'm simply here to try 203 00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,366 one of those classic Amtrak cheeseburgers. 204 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,969 Super yum. 205 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,238 We've got proof. 206 00:08:56,238 --> 00:09:00,380 There are 1,700 surveillance cameras on this car alone. 207 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,184 Fine. I admit it. 208 00:09:02,184 --> 00:09:03,987 Guilty as charged. 209 00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:09,031 Behold the awesome power of the flying squirrel. 210 00:09:09,031 --> 00:09:10,768 - Wha...? - Gotcha. 211 00:09:10,768 --> 00:09:13,941 Don't forget, every squirrel has a tail. 212 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:17,949 Like, no! 213 00:09:20,487 --> 00:09:22,457 Nelson Muntz? 214 00:09:22,457 --> 00:09:24,294 Are you a police officer? 215 00:09:24,294 --> 00:09:28,403 No way. No one wants to be a lame-o cop these days. 216 00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,273 Ah, shoot. Uh, Lou. 217 00:09:30,273 --> 00:09:33,647 Can you fish around down there, maybe find my seat belt? 218 00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:36,152 Just let me die. 219 00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,387 I'm a bounty hunter. 220 00:09:37,387 --> 00:09:41,061 This angel with zip cuffs is the love of my life, Rott. 221 00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:42,799 Short for Rottweiler. 222 00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,370 Lisa's a friend from Springfield Elementary. 223 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,844 Remember that principal we arrested for matricide? 224 00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:51,583 (gasps) Skinner killed his mother? 225 00:09:51,583 --> 00:09:54,522 No, mattress-cide. 226 00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:57,628 He ripped the tag off his mattress. 227 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,841 Your sleep number is up. 228 00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:08,517 Nelson, I haven't seen you since... 229 00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:10,855 that night at college. 230 00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:13,126 Uh, what night at college? 231 00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:15,363 It was nothing, just another one of those evenings 232 00:10:15,363 --> 00:10:19,238 where you stay out all night and watch the sunset 233 00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:21,075 and hear a few bells. 234 00:10:21,075 --> 00:10:22,210 (chuckles nervously) 235 00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:25,584 Hubert Wong, visionary tech giant. 236 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:28,724 Your hand feels as soft as a baby's bottom. 237 00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:31,328 And yours feels like a busted driveway. 238 00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:32,397 BOTH: Thank you. 239 00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:33,700 So, Hubert, what's up? 240 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,372 I have been waiting for this day since second grade 241 00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:38,142 when you used to bully me. 242 00:10:38,142 --> 00:10:40,446 Those who laugh last, laugh best. 243 00:10:40,446 --> 00:10:42,350 (laughs awkwardly) 244 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:46,292 And now I have won the prize your heart desired most of all. 245 00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:48,429 That luggage rack behind Lisa? 246 00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,033 No, Lisa. 247 00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,370 Do you know where I proposed to her? 248 00:10:52,370 --> 00:10:54,441 I don't know. Chipotle? 249 00:10:54,441 --> 00:10:58,049 Hubert proposed on the moon. 250 00:10:58,049 --> 00:11:02,324 He took me to the Sea of Tranquility at earthrise, 251 00:11:02,324 --> 00:11:04,896 and I saw "Marry Me" 252 00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:08,837 written in the sands of the Sahara Desert. 253 00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:11,676 - (mouths) - NELSON: Bo-ring. 254 00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:13,479 In space suits, you can't even kiss. 255 00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:18,222 HUBERT: I spent $20 million designing suits where you could. 256 00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,228 ♪ 257 00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:24,536 ROTT: Holy crap. 258 00:11:24,536 --> 00:11:26,005 That story sucked. 259 00:11:26,005 --> 00:11:29,512 Nelson and I have a love so hot, it'll melt your damn skull. 260 00:11:29,512 --> 00:11:33,219 - Ah! - (scoffs) We met when I hauled his fat carcass in 261 00:11:33,219 --> 00:11:34,421 for the reward. 262 00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:36,292 I had an overdue library book. 263 00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:39,899 I got stuck on this one word: "new ants"? 264 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,139 Nuance! Nuance! Love you. 265 00:11:43,139 --> 00:11:45,276 Aw! Mm! 266 00:11:46,445 --> 00:11:48,149 Ugh, I need a drink. 267 00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:50,453 I could go for a scotch and steroids. 268 00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:51,756 Oh, funny. 269 00:11:51,756 --> 00:11:53,760 Lisa never told me she had a thing for you. 270 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,631 Well, not really. In a way. 271 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,069 Sort of. Maybe. I don't know. Shut up. 272 00:11:58,069 --> 00:12:00,306 Tell me, Nelson, how is your mother? 273 00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,177 What was her job again? 274 00:12:02,177 --> 00:12:06,151 I believe some sort of freelance entertainer? Hmm? 275 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:09,592 - Stripper. - Ah, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. 276 00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:11,295 And your father, is he still living 277 00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,767 with his secret other family in Shelbyville? 278 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,671 Huh? Is he? Is he? 279 00:12:15,671 --> 00:12:18,442 We were the secret family, idiot. 280 00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:22,384 - (gasps) - (groans) He wedgied me! 281 00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:25,591 My "person of the year" status didn't protect me at all! 282 00:12:25,591 --> 00:12:28,462 (gasps) Nelson, you're an adult, 283 00:12:28,462 --> 00:12:30,500 and you still do this? 284 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,836 Not cool, dude. 285 00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:33,974 I mean, you can shake off a punch to the face, 286 00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:36,680 but those underpants are stretched forever, man. 287 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:41,690 Nelson, I really thought that by this time that... (grunts) 288 00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:43,760 You never learn. 289 00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,035 Love is so fickle. 290 00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:52,778 Lou, can you jam my butt into this bathroom? 291 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:54,214 Oh, man. 292 00:12:55,551 --> 00:12:57,755 HOMER: Five years later. 293 00:12:57,755 --> 00:12:59,726 Why do I have to say it again? 294 00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:01,796 Couldn't you use the one I said last time? 295 00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:05,604 And I asked for a 3 Musketeers about an hour ago. 296 00:13:06,606 --> 00:13:10,614 (chewing): Ah, good but a little disappointing. 297 00:13:10,614 --> 00:13:11,916 Looking for a phone? 298 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,689 I recommend the one that attaches to your brainstem. 299 00:13:14,689 --> 00:13:17,995 (gasps) Nelson. Hi. 300 00:13:17,995 --> 00:13:21,402 Minimally invasive surgery and updates you barely notice. 301 00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:23,039 (groaning) 302 00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:26,478 So, listen, sorry about what I did to Hubert. 303 00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,782 How're you two doing? 304 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,552 Great. Great. 305 00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,055 (chuckles): Great. 306 00:13:31,055 --> 00:13:34,161 You know, his company is doing fantastic. 307 00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:35,396 (chiming) 308 00:13:35,496 --> 00:13:40,941 The new ePhone 67 enables users to actually meld their minds. 309 00:13:40,941 --> 00:13:43,613 Experience intimate contact with your loved ones 310 00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,617 with a minimum of pop-up ads. 311 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:46,920 And most importantly, 312 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,757 we care about our workers. 313 00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:50,026 Thanks to this innovation, 314 00:13:50,026 --> 00:13:53,700 we're finally able to pay them $16 an hour. 315 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,671 In store credit. 316 00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,775 How are you and Rott? 317 00:13:57,775 --> 00:13:59,846 We're great. We're good. 318 00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:02,752 Not that good. She left me. 319 00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:05,456 Here's a little fact to put in your mind. 320 00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:07,895 Hubert and I are separated, too. 321 00:14:07,895 --> 00:14:10,233 - (device chimes) - Meet cute: achieved. 322 00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:12,738 Time to go to the next level. 323 00:14:12,738 --> 00:14:15,343 ♪ 324 00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:16,345 BOTH: Coffee! 325 00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,015 - (music stops) - LISA: We just want coffee! 326 00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:21,488 I should never have left my home planet. 327 00:14:21,488 --> 00:14:24,327 ALL: Today's temperature is 50 below zero. 328 00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:26,432 Would you like to order mittens? 329 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,974 So, my ex and I split up because of a fight, 330 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:34,047 a fight she had at a fight club without telling me. 331 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:37,387 Ugh, there's nothing worse than dishonest punching. 332 00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:39,157 But enough talking about other women. 333 00:14:39,157 --> 00:14:42,531 Lisa, I'm tired of only seeing you every five years. 334 00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:47,508 I'd like to see you every three years or two or... 335 00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:50,146 or... on a weekly basis! 336 00:14:50,146 --> 00:14:52,217 Nelson Muntz, I would really like 337 00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:54,889 to get to know you better, too. 338 00:14:55,891 --> 00:15:01,435 ♪ It had to be you ♪ 339 00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:08,349 ♪ It had to be you ♪ 340 00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:13,860 ♪ I wondered around ♪ 341 00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:18,135 ♪ And finally found ♪ 342 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:22,978 ♪ The somebody who... ♪ 343 00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:26,018 What about Milhouse? 344 00:15:27,086 --> 00:15:30,159 If I'm a simulation, why am I so lonely? 345 00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:32,531 Who does that benefit? 346 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,006 Lisa! Lisa! 347 00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:39,478 Uh, wait a minute. (grunts) 348 00:15:39,478 --> 00:15:41,215 - I want you back. - No. 349 00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,062 Lisa, through the miracle of constant repeated 350 00:15:48,062 --> 00:15:49,899 electroshock therapy, I've fixed everything 351 00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,068 about myself, and now I am good. 352 00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:54,141 I am great. I am awesomeness itself. 353 00:15:54,141 --> 00:15:56,646 (chuckles) Oh, attitude reset. 354 00:15:58,015 --> 00:16:00,052 - (crackling) - (grunting, belches) 355 00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:01,856 Take me back. Please. 356 00:16:01,856 --> 00:16:03,192 See, I say please now. 357 00:16:03,192 --> 00:16:04,662 You want me to beg? 358 00:16:04,662 --> 00:16:05,831 This guy begs. 359 00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:07,233 (crackling) 360 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,904 I don't know. Why should I? 361 00:16:08,904 --> 00:16:10,674 Why don't you look outside? 362 00:16:10,674 --> 00:16:12,477 (whirring) 363 00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,193 You can run my charitable foundation. 364 00:16:20,193 --> 00:16:21,729 You can save the planet. 365 00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:24,936 All the dreams you laid out in this second-grade paper. 366 00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:28,075 You kept that this whole time? 367 00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,547 Oh, no, what do I do now? 368 00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:33,352 Um... um... 369 00:16:33,352 --> 00:16:36,926 They say if you love something, let it go. 370 00:16:36,926 --> 00:16:39,231 And if it loves you, it'll come back. 371 00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:43,607 Ex-Except for your turtle which got smushed by that mail truck. 372 00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:45,309 Follow your dreams, Lisa. 373 00:16:45,309 --> 00:16:48,249 Like you said in your graduation speech. 374 00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:50,787 You remember my speech! 375 00:16:50,787 --> 00:16:52,023 Aw! 376 00:16:52,023 --> 00:16:53,994 (scoffs) He remembered one line. 377 00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:56,031 I have it all. 378 00:16:57,133 --> 00:17:00,641 Hubert, this is a side of you I've never seen. 379 00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:02,545 Goodbye, Nelson. 380 00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,053 You idiot. 381 00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:10,026 Woah, those really hurt. 382 00:17:10,026 --> 00:17:11,896 HOMER: Four months later. 383 00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:13,332 Wait, that wasn't the end? 384 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:14,869 She doesn't end up with Hubert? 385 00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,906 Oh, wait, oh, I see. 386 00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,577 There's still another page here. 387 00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:21,248 Okay. Lisa and Nelson get a phone call. 388 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,587 Their best friends are getting married. 389 00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:25,022 The bully with the hat 390 00:17:25,022 --> 00:17:26,993 and Krusty's daughter. 391 00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:29,030 And why am I doing this? Am I dead? 392 00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:30,466 I hope not. 393 00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:34,441 - (phone rings) - (groans) 394 00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:35,744 BOTH: Hello? 395 00:17:35,744 --> 00:17:37,380 - Will you be my maid of honor? - Will you be my best man? 396 00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:38,650 - I can't believe - I can't believe 397 00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:39,919 - how much I love him. - how much I love her. 398 00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:40,921 BOTH: Oh, how are you? 399 00:17:40,921 --> 00:17:42,558 - Meh. - Same old, same old. 400 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,827 Blah, blah, blah. 401 00:17:43,827 --> 00:17:46,331 BOTH: I just hope you find the happiness I have. 402 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:49,471 It's so great when severely damaged people, 403 00:17:49,471 --> 00:17:52,043 like all of us, find each other. 404 00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:54,114 So, can I count on you? 405 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,051 BOTH: Sure. 406 00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:58,322 - She's so lucky. - He's so lucky. 407 00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:01,261 I don't have a dog. 408 00:18:01,261 --> 00:18:03,265 I got to fix that screen door. 409 00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:08,142 ("Wedding March" playing) 410 00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:11,481 So, Sophie and Jimbo. 411 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,920 I guess some people have happy endings. 412 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,761 Come on, Lisa. Use the crook of your arm, not the forearm. 413 00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:20,066 No one ever taught you how to interlock arms? 414 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,236 I know you're not really angry. 415 00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,407 I know what this is really about. 416 00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:27,013 Just because you know everything and I know nothing 417 00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:29,184 doesn't make you smarter than me. 418 00:18:29,184 --> 00:18:30,854 Well, maybe it does a little. 419 00:18:30,854 --> 00:18:36,031 (scoffs) You told me to go, and now you're mad I did. 420 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,536 You haven't changed since elementary school. 421 00:18:38,536 --> 00:18:41,341 Nobody changes after elementary school. 422 00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:43,913 The church is eating me. 423 00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:46,351 Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. 424 00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:48,389 And thanks to this hologram of my father 425 00:18:48,389 --> 00:18:51,596 who's about to perform this beautiful interfaith ceremony. 426 00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:54,502 My son, you are a big needy nothing. 427 00:18:54,502 --> 00:18:57,708 Aw, his speech from my bar mitzvah. 428 00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,311 That always gets me. 429 00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:01,749 People ask me, "Why Jimbo?" 430 00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:05,189 And I say, "Screw you, mind your own business, Mom." 431 00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:06,526 But there's more. 432 00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:07,628 He's honest. 433 00:19:07,628 --> 00:19:09,364 He doesn't hide who he really is, 434 00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,769 and there's no one I could be more in love with. 435 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:14,274 LISA: Have I been missing it the whole time? 436 00:19:14,274 --> 00:19:16,011 Is Nelson the one? 437 00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:18,850 No. You love Hubert. 438 00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:27,801 You are the smartest, sweetest, funniest person I've ever met. 439 00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:31,208 Eh, I'll never have a life. 440 00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,580 Nelson. 441 00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:35,116 They're bailing! 442 00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:36,819 Thank God I had understudies. 443 00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:39,692 ("Wedding March" plays) 444 00:19:42,497 --> 00:19:43,800 What are you doing out here? 445 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,706 You'll catch cold. Come on, take my jacket. 446 00:19:48,142 --> 00:19:50,179 Why did you follow me? 447 00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:53,252 I followed you because I adore you. 448 00:19:53,252 --> 00:19:55,122 Lisa, I used to know what it was like 449 00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:57,260 to hurt a person for no reason. 450 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,030 Don't do it to me. 451 00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,801 I couldn't be more serious. 452 00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,405 I love you because you're the last person 453 00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:04,542 I want to talk to at night. 454 00:20:04,542 --> 00:20:07,815 When you say "Smell you later," 455 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,384 I do want to smell you later. 456 00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,388 Wherever I've gone in my life, 457 00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:14,461 I'm drawn back to you like a dork's face to a swirly. 458 00:20:14,461 --> 00:20:16,899 And when I get all wrapped up in my feelings, 459 00:20:16,899 --> 00:20:20,406 you're the one who tells me feelings are dumb. 460 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,410 But they are dumb, if you throw away everything 461 00:20:22,410 --> 00:20:24,982 for a loser in a clip-on tie. 462 00:20:24,982 --> 00:20:26,986 I'll tell you what I want, mister. 463 00:20:26,986 --> 00:20:28,890 Haw... Huh? 464 00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:32,063 (bell tolling) 465 00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:35,436 I lost the girl, but I got the bell. 466 00:20:38,342 --> 00:20:40,045 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 467 00:20:40,045 --> 00:20:41,716 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 468 00:20:41,716 --> 00:20:43,185 and TOYOTA. 469 00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:45,557 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 470 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,103 So, I was doing a panel at CPAC, 471 00:20:52,103 --> 00:20:53,973 the Clone Political Action Committee. 472 00:20:53,973 --> 00:20:55,242 Not the other one, they suck. 473 00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:57,514 And I saw the tallest drink of water 474 00:20:57,514 --> 00:20:59,150 I'd ever seen in my life. 475 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,419 (chuckles) 476 00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:02,089 I looked at him and said, "There's a man 477 00:21:02,089 --> 00:21:03,492 I'd like to share a bed with." 478 00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:06,431 That was a thing in my day. It was! 479 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,536 Then I found out he was an actor 480 00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:10,473 and, uh, boy, that was a red flag. 481 00:21:10,473 --> 00:21:13,212 Well, yes, but now we've been running mates 482 00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:15,049 for four straight terms. 483 00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:16,318 Didn't hurt that we were running 484 00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,857 against Jimmy Carter and Grover Cleveland. 485 00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:20,694 (laughter) 486 00:21:20,694 --> 00:21:21,929 Oh, we'll be back. 487 00:21:21,929 --> 00:21:25,002 Between my malaise and his mugwumps, we can't lose. 488 00:21:25,002 --> 00:21:26,772 (laughter) 489 00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:30,747 Shh!