1 00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,241 (EXCLAIMS) 2 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,642 (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 3 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,112 (BURPS) 4 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,147 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 5 00:00:23,182 --> 00:00:24,649 (YELLS) 6 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,154 (BEEPS) 7 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,793 ♪ 8 00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:38,698 (PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC) 9 00:00:58,138 --> 00:00:59,513 (HORN HONKS) (GRAMPA YELLS) 10 00:01:00,074 --> 00:01:01,074 (TIRES SCREECH) 11 00:01:03,365 --> 00:01:05,366 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,034 (GRUNTS) 13 00:01:07,069 --> 00:01:09,370 (ORGAN PLAYING OLD-TIMEY MUSIC) 14 00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:13,708 (♪♪♪) 15 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,735 (ORGAN PLAYING UPBEAT VERSION OF "THE SIMPSONS THEME") 16 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:56,238 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 17 00:01:57,286 --> 00:01:58,753 This is Kent Brockman on location 18 00:01:58,787 --> 00:02:00,721 among the good people of Springfield. 19 00:02:01,990 --> 00:02:03,524 - (KENT GROANS) - MAN: Coward! 20 00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,460 Because today, we celebrate beautiful Skyline Park, 21 00:02:06,495 --> 00:02:08,129 a reclamation project built atop the ruins 22 00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:10,531 of the Springfield Monorail. 23 00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:13,301 CROWD: (CHANTING) Monorail. Monorail. Monorail. Monorail. 24 00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:15,770 No, they're not building a new monorail. 25 00:02:15,804 --> 00:02:17,772 Why not? This one couldn't fail. 26 00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:19,373 (CHANTING) Couldn't fail. Couldn't fail. 27 00:02:19,408 --> 00:02:21,542 (LISPING) ♪ It's a monstrous creation ♪ 28 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,144 ♪ Of mass transportation. ♪ 29 00:02:23,178 --> 00:02:24,178 (GASPS) 30 00:02:26,815 --> 00:02:29,350 RALPH: Throw me again! (GIGGLES) 31 00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:31,652 No, we're repurposing the old monorail track 32 00:02:31,687 --> 00:02:33,788 into a completely new and original feature 33 00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:35,289 we ripped off from New York: 34 00:02:35,324 --> 00:02:39,026 the Springfield Skypark-Line. 35 00:02:39,061 --> 00:02:40,461 I love this space. 36 00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:42,296 Planters, benches, 37 00:02:42,331 --> 00:02:45,967 solar-powered talking trash cans. 38 00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:49,470 AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you for the used porn. 39 00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:51,138 (BUZZER SOUNDS) 40 00:02:51,173 --> 00:02:52,974 (HOMER HUMS, GRUNTS) 41 00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:55,209 Huh? (GRUNTS) 42 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:58,145 (GRUNTS) 43 00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,114 Uh, okay, uh, do we go, uh, 44 00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:02,650 gut to gut or, uh, butt-butt to nut? 45 00:03:02,684 --> 00:03:05,453 Don't worry, we'll use the bypass board. 46 00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,622 Okay, fatsos, suck it in. 47 00:03:08,657 --> 00:03:09,824 - Oh! - Whoa. (CHUCKLES) 48 00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:11,292 (CLOTHES SQUEAKING) 49 00:03:11,326 --> 00:03:13,294 (GRUNTS) Oh! 50 00:03:13,328 --> 00:03:16,297 (CHUCKLES) I got Homer's sandwich. 51 00:03:16,331 --> 00:03:17,965 I got Wiggum's gun. 52 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,201 And now, to culminate today's events, 53 00:03:20,235 --> 00:03:21,802 let's turn on the electricity 54 00:03:21,837 --> 00:03:24,872 that illuminates the tiny "no smoking" signs. 55 00:03:24,906 --> 00:03:25,906 (ELECTRICITY BUZZES) 56 00:03:30,045 --> 00:03:32,847 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 57 00:03:36,518 --> 00:03:38,853 Huh? Somehow the track is getting juice! 58 00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:43,924 Yes! Now to put it on power save. 59 00:03:46,028 --> 00:03:47,495 The monorail... it's alive! 60 00:03:47,529 --> 00:03:49,030 I warned you not to... 61 00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:54,735 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 62 00:04:00,008 --> 00:04:01,442 Ha-ha! 63 00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:04,512 (WILHELM SCREAM) 64 00:04:09,117 --> 00:04:11,185 AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome, senior citizen. 65 00:04:11,219 --> 00:04:13,454 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 66 00:04:19,461 --> 00:04:21,862 No more Nimoy! 67 00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:28,502 On the positive side, with this disaster, 68 00:04:28,537 --> 00:04:31,105 we have surpassed Detroit and Kabul 69 00:04:31,139 --> 00:04:33,207 as the world's most unlucky city. 70 00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,875 Er, ah, er. 71 00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:38,813 Couldn't you have at least put little wedges under the wheels? 72 00:04:38,847 --> 00:04:41,649 Er, uh, sorry, sweetheart, but running a city is 73 00:04:41,683 --> 00:04:45,319 a little more complicated than getting your nails done. 74 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:47,221 - (ANNOYED GROAN) - Don't you worry 75 00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:49,323 your pretty little head about it. 76 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,892 Mr. Mayor, that is so sexist. 77 00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:55,329 Uh-oh, sounds like someone's girdle is pinching. 78 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,331 (LAUGHTER) 79 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,833 Well, now, it's all in fun. 80 00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:00,935 No one respects you ladies more than I. 81 00:05:00,969 --> 00:05:03,270 Now if you wouldn't mind serving the coffee and cake, 82 00:05:03,305 --> 00:05:05,272 we men can get down to business. 83 00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:06,574 (MARGE MUTTERS) 84 00:05:06,608 --> 00:05:08,576 This is the last time I'm doing this. 85 00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:10,411 So I better do it perfectly. 86 00:05:10,445 --> 00:05:12,513 Here you go, Dr. Hibbert. 87 00:05:12,547 --> 00:05:14,949 (KNIFE CHOPPING) (MARGE GRUNTING) 88 00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:18,085 I can't believe Mayor Quimby talking down to me like that. 89 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,821 And by the way, women don't wear girdles anymore. 90 00:05:20,856 --> 00:05:23,491 We wear Spanx and other shapewear. 91 00:05:23,525 --> 00:05:25,025 (SCOFFS) Tell me about it. 92 00:05:29,131 --> 00:05:33,167 People think we've moved on, but this world is as sexist as ever. 93 00:05:33,201 --> 00:05:34,768 Thanks, Obama. 94 00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:36,670 What's so great about Quimby anyway? 95 00:05:36,705 --> 00:05:38,105 I could cut a ribbon. 96 00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:39,673 And I could make it curl nicely... 97 00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:42,009 using the edge of the giant scissors. 98 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:44,178 You'd be a great mayor, Mom. 99 00:05:44,212 --> 00:05:46,013 You're organized, you manage the budget, 100 00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:49,350 and thanks to Dad, you're an expert on the court system. 101 00:05:49,384 --> 00:05:51,852 Fun fact: being a defendant gets you out of jury duty. 102 00:05:51,887 --> 00:05:52,853 (CHUCKLES) 103 00:05:52,888 --> 00:05:55,189 Mom, this is our time. 104 00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:57,324 Wonder Woman showed that if you're a goddess 105 00:05:57,359 --> 00:06:00,461 with superpowers, there's no limit to what you can do. 106 00:06:00,495 --> 00:06:02,429 You could be mayor! 107 00:06:02,464 --> 00:06:03,831 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 108 00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:06,267 A woman prime minister, okay. 109 00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:08,169 Women Ghostbusters, cool. 110 00:06:08,203 --> 00:06:09,803 Woman head of the Federal Reserve, 111 00:06:09,838 --> 00:06:11,972 as far as I'm concerned, what's that? 112 00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:13,474 But a woman mayor? 113 00:06:13,508 --> 00:06:17,011 If Mom becomes mayor, we can get away with anything. 114 00:06:17,045 --> 00:06:18,712 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) 115 00:06:20,215 --> 00:06:22,149 Help me, Jesus! 116 00:06:22,184 --> 00:06:24,185 (HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGING) 117 00:06:27,722 --> 00:06:29,790 Pick a side. 118 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,525 (WIND WHISTLES) 119 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,961 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) 120 00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:35,362 (LAUGHS) 121 00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:37,331 Hey. Where'd everybody go? 122 00:06:37,365 --> 00:06:40,601 JULIO: Marge, this town is ready for a change. 123 00:06:40,635 --> 00:06:42,836 Quimby has been mayor, like, forever. 124 00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:44,672 You'd think he could lose that sash. 125 00:06:44,706 --> 00:06:46,774 It's like, we know, okay? 126 00:06:46,808 --> 00:06:48,108 All right now, listen. 127 00:06:48,143 --> 00:06:50,177 The key to victory is micro-targeting. 128 00:06:50,212 --> 00:06:51,545 Micro-targeting. 129 00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:53,681 Think of the voters as a pie. 130 00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:55,015 (PHONE RINGS) 131 00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:57,284 Yes, Homer, someone here said "pie." 132 00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:58,953 I know, "Mmm, pie." 133 00:06:58,987 --> 00:07:00,387 (DROOLING MOAN) 134 00:07:00,422 --> 00:07:01,789 I'm sorry, go on. 135 00:07:01,823 --> 00:07:05,559 Uh, we use data analysis to divide the pie 136 00:07:05,594 --> 00:07:07,228 into tiny little slivers 137 00:07:07,262 --> 00:07:09,663 and tailor a message to each micro-group. 138 00:07:09,698 --> 00:07:11,065 (CLEARS THROAT) 139 00:07:11,099 --> 00:07:14,235 You just tell them what they want to hear until you get 51%. 140 00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:17,238 Then you can govern like a far-right nut-job. 141 00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:20,608 MARGE: (TO "OH! SUSANNA") ♪ I'm Marge Simpson ♪ 142 00:07:20,642 --> 00:07:22,943 ♪ And won't you vote for me? ♪ 143 00:07:22,978 --> 00:07:25,613 ♪ Whatever your obsession is ♪ 144 00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:28,115 ♪ Is my priority. ♪ 145 00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:31,619 I stand with you against revenuers. 146 00:07:31,653 --> 00:07:34,288 Oh, uh, durn revenuers! 147 00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:36,957 Well, you's the new John Galt, aren't you? 148 00:07:36,992 --> 00:07:41,061 Hey, can you take a picture with our Ayn Rand scarecrow? 149 00:07:42,063 --> 00:07:44,265 (CAWING) 150 00:07:44,299 --> 00:07:47,468 CHORUS: ♪ From widows to your lunch pail Joes ♪ 151 00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:49,970 ♪ To vets of foreign wars ♪ 152 00:07:50,005 --> 00:07:52,206 ♪ There's no single-issue voter ♪ 153 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,042 ♪ My campaign will ignore. ♪ 154 00:07:55,076 --> 00:07:57,211 Marge, we really appreciate this. 155 00:07:57,245 --> 00:08:00,047 You're the first politician that's ever met with us weirdos. 156 00:08:00,081 --> 00:08:03,617 What's the biggest issue you exotic pet owners face? 157 00:08:03,652 --> 00:08:05,719 Keeping our pets from eating each other. 158 00:08:05,754 --> 00:08:08,255 Yes. As the owner of an impala, I... 159 00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:10,724 - Hey, where'd it go? - Oh, boy. 160 00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:13,961 ♪ From soccer moms to mafia dons ♪ 161 00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:16,764 ♪ I'll give you what you need ♪ 162 00:08:16,798 --> 00:08:19,066 MARGE AND CHORUS: ♪ I'm Marge Simpson ♪ 163 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,835 ♪ And won't you vote for me? Yeah! ♪ 164 00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,972 Why do people assume all I can do... 165 00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:28,075 is feed spaghetti to dogs that want to make out? 166 00:08:28,109 --> 00:08:29,410 What do you want to do? 167 00:08:29,444 --> 00:08:32,313 Carve a little wooden boy and make him come to life. 168 00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:33,414 Oh. 169 00:08:33,448 --> 00:08:35,449 (HOMER HUMMING) 170 00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:44,258 Now, for our third and fourth party candidates, 171 00:08:44,292 --> 00:08:47,695 I regret to say you are just shy of the polling results required, 172 00:08:47,729 --> 00:08:49,530 so you're excluded from the debate. 173 00:08:49,564 --> 00:08:51,465 Bye-bye. 174 00:08:51,499 --> 00:08:54,168 Mrs. Simpson, you've targeted small constituencies. 175 00:08:54,202 --> 00:08:56,170 Do you have any proposals that would appeal 176 00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:58,005 to every Springfielder? 177 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,308 Well, Kent, I am a mom. 178 00:09:01,343 --> 00:09:05,979 And as a mom, I want to help this town eat its vegetables. 179 00:09:06,014 --> 00:09:07,581 (ANGRY MURMURING) 180 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,650 (CHUCKLES) Vegetables, Marge? 181 00:09:09,684 --> 00:09:11,652 As moderator, it's my duty to fact check 182 00:09:11,686 --> 00:09:13,420 that many of them are yucky. 183 00:09:13,455 --> 00:09:14,988 It's a metaphor. 184 00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:16,490 Stinkin' metaphors! 185 00:09:16,524 --> 00:09:18,459 I only trust similes. 186 00:09:18,493 --> 00:09:19,960 I enjoy metaphors. 187 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,587 They're raindrops on the flower that is the ear. 188 00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:24,421 You put in a "like" or an "as," 189 00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:26,557 or so help me you are going down. 190 00:09:29,408 --> 00:09:31,042 HELEN: She's completely cooked. 191 00:09:31,077 --> 00:09:33,611 Unlike the chicken she brought to the potluck. 192 00:09:33,646 --> 00:09:35,947 LOVEJOY: Oh, Helen is as bitter as the lemonade 193 00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:37,382 she brought to the potluck. 194 00:09:37,416 --> 00:09:40,452 What a terrible potluck that was. 195 00:09:40,486 --> 00:09:42,987 SIDESHOW MEL: Why wasn't this a town hall event? 196 00:09:43,022 --> 00:09:45,924 I like to see them balance on the stools. 197 00:09:50,262 --> 00:09:51,896 You know, my entire life, 198 00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:54,566 that stupid tire fire has been burning. 199 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,468 And it's ruined our town. 200 00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:59,137 (MURMURS OF AGREEMENT) 201 00:09:59,171 --> 00:10:01,339 I promise, if you elect me, 202 00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:03,308 I'll put that fire out. 203 00:10:03,342 --> 00:10:05,977 (EXCITED CHATTER) 204 00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:07,178 No tire fire? 205 00:10:07,213 --> 00:10:08,947 Ooh, just like Zurich. 206 00:10:08,981 --> 00:10:10,048 - Mm. - Mm. 207 00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:13,500 (BELL DINGING) 208 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,034 FRINK: (SINGSONGY) Mm-hmm! 209 00:10:15,068 --> 00:10:16,817 Is that enough? 210 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,885 And with the last senior citizen gently reminded... 211 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:22,221 that they cannot vote at IHOP, the results are now final. 212 00:10:22,256 --> 00:10:23,556 History is made. 213 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,525 Marge Simpson is our new mayor. 214 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:29,062 The first woman and the second to pee sitting down. 215 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,397 CROWD: (CHANTING) Marge! Marge! Marge! 216 00:10:31,432 --> 00:10:32,932 Thank you. 217 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,136 Homie, you want to make out with the mayor? 218 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:39,739 What? No! Ew! 219 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,908 Oh, you mean you. 220 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,911 (BOTH LAUGHING) 221 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,079 Okay. 222 00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:48,379 Now I really wish I'd voted. 223 00:10:55,316 --> 00:10:57,477 Whee! Whee! 224 00:10:57,477 --> 00:10:59,812 Look at me! I'm a public servant! 225 00:10:59,846 --> 00:11:01,213 Woo-hoo! 226 00:11:01,247 --> 00:11:04,383 KENT: And so our new mayor is doing what was unthinkable 227 00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:06,985 in the Quimby Regime: something. 228 00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:09,254 Roll the 'dozers! 229 00:11:11,424 --> 00:11:13,258 (CROWD CHEERING) 230 00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:17,572 (CROWD GASPS) 231 00:11:17,572 --> 00:11:19,064 Well, sorry, 232 00:11:19,098 --> 00:11:22,534 but I-I can't let you put me out of business. 233 00:11:22,569 --> 00:11:24,236 (CHUCKLES) 234 00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:29,074 You'd ruin the air for the whole town just to sell knickknacks? 235 00:11:29,108 --> 00:11:30,242 Knickknacks? 236 00:11:30,276 --> 00:11:32,077 They-they may be to you, 237 00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:35,247 but, uh, they put my son through med school. 238 00:11:35,281 --> 00:11:38,383 He named, um, uh, a-a stammer after me. 239 00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:40,886 (STAMMERS) 240 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,054 You know. 241 00:11:42,088 --> 00:11:43,789 (CROWD AAHS) 242 00:11:43,823 --> 00:11:44,957 I failed. 243 00:11:44,991 --> 00:11:47,059 I failed on my one promise. 244 00:11:47,093 --> 00:11:49,561 (SIGHS) Oh. 245 00:11:49,596 --> 00:11:51,797 And so, Marge Simpson is already a failure. 246 00:11:51,831 --> 00:11:54,566 The fastest fall from grace since Mamie Eisenhower 247 00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:57,336 destroyed a piano store on inauguration day. 248 00:12:00,907 --> 00:12:02,708 Hey, Mom, want to get some lunch? 249 00:12:02,742 --> 00:12:04,343 I'd love a lunch break, 250 00:12:04,377 --> 00:12:07,412 but I've got to get that tire fire out first. 251 00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:10,515 Already neglecting your family, Madam Mayor? 252 00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:13,051 Why you little! Don't embarrass your mother! 253 00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:16,922 (HOMER AND BART GRUNTING) 254 00:12:16,956 --> 00:12:18,757 (LAUGHS) 255 00:12:23,296 --> 00:12:26,632 (BOTH LAUGHING) 256 00:12:29,302 --> 00:12:30,903 Guys, guys, stop! 257 00:12:30,937 --> 00:12:32,070 I'm the mayor. 258 00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:34,172 Everything you do reflects on me. 259 00:12:34,207 --> 00:12:35,507 Of course, honey. 260 00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:37,342 It's just hard to restrain yourself 261 00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:39,011 when you're above the law. 262 00:12:39,045 --> 00:12:40,846 We're not above the law. 263 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,415 Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it. 264 00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:45,417 Hmm? 265 00:12:45,451 --> 00:12:46,852 I want you to promise me. 266 00:12:46,886 --> 00:12:50,355 Can you both behave like Lisa, just for a little bit? 267 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:53,759 BOTH: (HIGH-PITCHED) "I'm Lisa. I'm Lisa." 268 00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:55,794 "I like music." 269 00:12:55,828 --> 00:12:58,397 "My boyfriend is broccoli." 270 00:12:58,431 --> 00:12:59,564 (KISSING NOISES) 271 00:12:59,599 --> 00:13:00,732 Hey! 272 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,335 We're here to buy your stand. 273 00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:05,671 Yeah, well, it's not for sale. 274 00:13:05,705 --> 00:13:08,407 (GROANS) All I want to do is help this city, 275 00:13:08,441 --> 00:13:10,909 and I can't because of this ding-dong. 276 00:13:10,944 --> 00:13:11,910 (CROWD GASPS) 277 00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:14,513 How dare you insult me like that? 278 00:13:14,547 --> 00:13:15,847 I was there! 279 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,250 What? What, what, what, what, what? 280 00:13:18,284 --> 00:13:19,985 Clyde's a Vietnam vet, 281 00:13:20,019 --> 00:13:22,354 a survivor of the Battle of Dhing Dhong. 282 00:13:22,388 --> 00:13:23,422 Thank you. 283 00:13:23,456 --> 00:13:25,324 Than Kyu was his best friend. 284 00:13:25,358 --> 00:13:28,160 Stepped on a land mine in the battle of One Pun Too Many. 285 00:13:28,194 --> 00:13:30,362 This is not good, Marge. Not good. 286 00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:31,863 (SIGHS) Oh. 287 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,032 Marge's beehive of activity has become... 288 00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,834 a hornet's nest of trouble. 289 00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:38,737 Also, our news broadcasts have been reduced to two sentences. 290 00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:39,905 Good night. 291 00:13:39,939 --> 00:13:41,239 There's only one way out. 292 00:13:41,274 --> 00:13:42,638 You're gonna have to do a live, 293 00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:45,107 completely unscripted heart-to-heart with the voters. 294 00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,442 - Here's your script. - I don't want a script. 295 00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:48,710 Are you nuts? 296 00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:51,146 Good evening. 297 00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:53,682 I'm here to talk to you, one-on-one, 298 00:13:53,716 --> 00:13:56,885 just an ordinary mom sitting in her kitchen. 299 00:13:58,488 --> 00:13:59,788 This is a disaster. 300 00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,890 I've seen counterclockwise knob turning before, 301 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,258 but not like this. 302 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,262 Marge, what time is dinner ready? 303 00:14:07,296 --> 00:14:09,231 I'm in the middle of a speech. 304 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,732 So, 6:00? 305 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,400 You'll get it when you get it. 306 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,803 Wait a minute. Something's turning them around. 307 00:14:14,837 --> 00:14:18,306 Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer? 308 00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:20,308 (GROANS) Homer Simpson, 309 00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:23,612 the only time you shut your mouth is to keep food inside. 310 00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:25,514 (GASPS, STAMMERS) 311 00:14:25,548 --> 00:14:28,183 (LAUGHTER) 312 00:14:28,217 --> 00:14:29,284 That's it. 313 00:14:29,318 --> 00:14:30,852 She's turned a gaffe-making tubby 314 00:14:30,887 --> 00:14:32,287 into a laugh-yielding hubby. 315 00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:33,855 Does that work? 316 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:35,857 FRINK: (MUMBLES) Let's see, the subter-hand is all right. 317 00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:38,026 The math checks out. 318 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,162 I'll be the Kellyanne Conway of this thing. 319 00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:41,463 Kellyanne Conway? 320 00:14:41,497 --> 00:14:43,965 I like how she always looks like she just woke up. 321 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,036 I think it's inspiring how now a woman can be Joseph Goebbels. 322 00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,539 (MURMURS OF AGREEMENT) 323 00:14:52,074 --> 00:14:53,708 Marge, do we have any bread? 324 00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:55,043 Check your chest. 325 00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:57,546 (LAUGHTER) 326 00:14:57,954 --> 00:14:59,314 Woo-hoo! 327 00:14:59,888 --> 00:15:01,022 Oh, my God. 328 00:15:01,056 --> 00:15:02,545 Those are the highest approval ratings... 329 00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:05,547 I've ever seen for an incumbent: 53%! 330 00:15:11,641 --> 00:15:14,067 Marge, your numbers are simply fantastic. 331 00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:17,003 And all you had to do was throw your husband under the bus. 332 00:15:18,071 --> 00:15:19,372 Well, don't tell me you're sad 333 00:15:19,406 --> 00:15:21,040 about throwing your husband under the bus. 334 00:15:21,074 --> 00:15:23,542 I'm happy if he can fit under a bus. 335 00:15:23,577 --> 00:15:24,710 Zing! 336 00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:27,346 Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Zing. 337 00:15:29,082 --> 00:15:32,718 Mr. Simpson, we're naming a sandwich after you. 338 00:15:32,753 --> 00:15:35,221 (GASPS) My lifelong dream has come true. 339 00:15:35,255 --> 00:15:36,655 I've got this all planned. 340 00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:39,425 Start with a full Reuben with all the fixin's. 341 00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,227 Put a club sandwich on top. 342 00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:43,262 The bottom bun is, at first glance, 343 00:15:43,296 --> 00:15:45,331 a chicken-fried steak. 344 00:15:45,365 --> 00:15:47,199 But it's worth a closer look, because... 345 00:15:47,234 --> 00:15:49,769 Sir, sir, sir. We've already made it. 346 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:53,272 The Open-Mouthed Turkey Goofball? 347 00:15:53,306 --> 00:15:55,775 That is so not me. 348 00:15:55,809 --> 00:15:57,810 But I'll take six. 349 00:15:57,844 --> 00:16:00,479 We're honored to have with us the mayor... 350 00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:02,214 (CROWD CHEERING) 351 00:16:02,249 --> 00:16:04,984 ...and First Doofus Homer Simpson. 352 00:16:05,018 --> 00:16:06,552 (LAUGHTER) 353 00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:11,123 Homer's made Marge happy more times than he can count: three! 354 00:16:11,158 --> 00:16:12,491 (MARGE CHUCKLES) 355 00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:15,327 And we're here for a very, very serious charity: 356 00:16:15,362 --> 00:16:16,829 Save the Whales. 357 00:16:16,863 --> 00:16:18,964 All right, that's it! 358 00:16:18,999 --> 00:16:21,233 No. That's really why we're here! 359 00:16:21,268 --> 00:16:23,235 (KRUSTY SOBS) 360 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:24,470 I am not a whale! 361 00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:27,840 I am a man with blubber and several harpoon scars! 362 00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:30,476 (HOMER SCREAMS) 363 00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:32,511 (WHALE-LIKE GROANING) 364 00:16:37,551 --> 00:16:39,852 (CONCERNED GROAN) 365 00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:42,188 What a day for this town. 366 00:16:42,222 --> 00:16:45,157 We've made a deal with the librarians' union. 367 00:16:45,192 --> 00:16:46,192 Shh. 368 00:16:46,226 --> 00:16:47,359 Homer would've been here, 369 00:16:47,394 --> 00:16:49,328 but he backed out when he heard the library 370 00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:51,030 didn't have any pop-up books. 371 00:16:51,064 --> 00:16:53,566 (LAUGHTER) 372 00:16:55,102 --> 00:16:57,103 (CROWD CHEERING) 373 00:17:01,508 --> 00:17:03,476 Great news, Marge. You've tapped into something 374 00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:07,146 women and men can agree on: husbands are idiots. 375 00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,514 Yeah, I guess. 376 00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:10,149 While you're guessing, I'm running with this. 377 00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:11,851 Take a look at the balloon we've made... 378 00:17:11,885 --> 00:17:13,185 for the Thanksgiving parade. 379 00:17:15,021 --> 00:17:16,555 I don't care what people say. 380 00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:19,859 My Homie makes one sexy blimp. 381 00:17:22,062 --> 00:17:24,096 I need to talk to somebody. 382 00:17:31,238 --> 00:17:32,404 Mayor Quimby? 383 00:17:32,439 --> 00:17:35,708 No, just ordinary Diamond Joe. 384 00:17:35,742 --> 00:17:37,209 Uh-oh, I know that look. 385 00:17:37,244 --> 00:17:40,379 That's a mayor on the ropes or a wife who wants a divorce. 386 00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:41,847 I'm familiar with both. 387 00:17:41,882 --> 00:17:43,349 Er, uh, indeed. 388 00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:47,052 Joe, is it possible to have a decent family life 389 00:17:47,087 --> 00:17:49,221 and be a good political leader? 390 00:17:49,256 --> 00:17:51,423 Marge, I don't want to talk about that anymore, 391 00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:54,426 but I'll tell you this: retirement agrees with me. 392 00:17:54,461 --> 00:17:55,928 The first night out of office, 393 00:17:55,962 --> 00:17:58,364 I noticed a gorgeous woman lying next to me, 394 00:17:58,398 --> 00:18:01,534 and I said, "Holy crap, I'm married to her." 395 00:18:01,568 --> 00:18:03,536 Go long, boys. (GRUNTS) 396 00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:06,572 BOTH: (SEAL-LIKE BARKING) Er, ah, er, ah, er, ah, er... 397 00:18:08,575 --> 00:18:11,777 Marge, there's no "mayor" in marriage. 398 00:18:11,811 --> 00:18:13,879 There almost is. It's really close. 399 00:18:13,914 --> 00:18:15,214 But I'm afraid not. 400 00:18:15,248 --> 00:18:16,382 (GRUNTS, CHUCKLES) 401 00:18:16,416 --> 00:18:17,683 Meet you in the boathouse later? 402 00:18:17,717 --> 00:18:18,684 (CHUCKLES) 403 00:18:18,718 --> 00:18:20,686 Oh, Marge, I want to thank you 404 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,454 for giving me back my Joseph. 405 00:18:22,489 --> 00:18:23,556 Will you stay? 406 00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:25,858 I just made a giant pitcher of gimlets, 407 00:18:25,892 --> 00:18:28,127 but I can make a second one if you're staying. 408 00:18:28,161 --> 00:18:29,695 No, I have to get back. 409 00:18:29,729 --> 00:18:33,065 We're christening a new manhole cover on 4th Street. 410 00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,567 (GULPING) 411 00:18:34,601 --> 00:18:35,568 So sad. 412 00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:36,969 Can't you stay for a bit? 413 00:18:37,003 --> 00:18:39,972 Uh, we need some help serving coffee and cake. 414 00:18:40,006 --> 00:18:42,741 I swear this is the last time. 415 00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,777 There's more where that came from! 416 00:18:47,614 --> 00:18:50,983 Thank you. I couldn't be here without my husband. 417 00:18:51,017 --> 00:18:52,918 (LAUGHTER) 418 00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:54,820 He's a big supporter. 419 00:18:54,854 --> 00:18:56,255 So big... 420 00:18:56,289 --> 00:18:57,790 (LAUGHTER) 421 00:19:02,495 --> 00:19:04,296 (GROANS) 422 00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:10,636 So big, I wish all of you could 423 00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,638 know the love in his heart. 424 00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:13,939 (CROWD GASPS) 425 00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,808 Everyone, look inside yourself 426 00:19:15,842 --> 00:19:19,111 and find your Homer Simpson. 427 00:19:19,145 --> 00:19:21,013 BOTH: Mwah! 428 00:19:23,516 --> 00:19:25,651 (CROWD MURMURING) 429 00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:31,023 (GASPS) It's so beautiful. 430 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,061 We make the magic happen, baby. 431 00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:46,679 (♪♪♪) 432 00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:58,295 Can we just skip that one? 433 00:19:58,325 --> 00:20:00,326 I would, but you have to walk through it... 434 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,827 to get to the cafeteria. 435 00:20:01,862 --> 00:20:03,529 Oh. Okay. 436 00:20:06,678 --> 00:20:13,491 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com -