1 00:00:07,915 --> 00:00:09,214 D'oh! 2 00:00:22,051 --> 00:00:26,051 ♪ The Simpsons 27x11 ♪ Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles Original Air Date on January 10, 2016 3 00:00:26,075 --> 00:00:32,575 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 4 00:00:37,411 --> 00:00:39,244 ♪ Push it to the limit ♪ 5 00:00:41,348 --> 00:00:44,149 ♪ Walk along the razor's edge ♪ 6 00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:47,419 ♪ But don't look down, just keep your head ♪ 7 00:00:47,454 --> 00:00:49,588 ♪ Or you'll be finished ♪ 8 00:00:49,623 --> 00:00:53,024 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,527 ♪ Open up the limit ♪ 10 00:00:57,464 --> 00:01:00,232 ♪ Past the point of no return ♪ 11 00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,901 ♪ You've reached the top but still you gotta learn ♪ 12 00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:06,538 ♪ How to keep it ♪ 13 00:01:09,076 --> 00:01:11,910 ♪ Welcome to the limit ♪ 14 00:01:11,945 --> 00:01:13,378 ♪ The limit ♪ 15 00:01:13,413 --> 00:01:16,114 ♪ Take it maybe one step more ♪ 16 00:01:16,149 --> 00:01:18,016 ♪ The power game's still playing ♪ 17 00:01:18,051 --> 00:01:21,286 ♪ So you better push it to the limit... ♪ 18 00:01:21,321 --> 00:01:25,490 ♪ The limit, the limit, the limit. ♪ 19 00:01:26,493 --> 00:01:28,260 Damn reruns. 20 00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:45,710 "Even then, a wish, I mind its pow'r, 21 00:01:45,746 --> 00:01:48,313 "A wish that to my latest hour 22 00:01:48,348 --> 00:01:51,950 "Shall strongly heave my breast, 23 00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:57,255 That I for poor auld Scotland's sake..." 24 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,892 All right, you little monsters! 25 00:02:00,928 --> 00:02:03,895 You've awakened Scotland's shame! 26 00:02:11,038 --> 00:02:15,206 Willie, you know you can't play that torture trumpet to kids. 27 00:02:15,242 --> 00:02:17,809 I'll just use it to vape, then. 28 00:02:20,447 --> 00:02:23,915 Class, I would like you to meet your new teacher, 29 00:02:23,951 --> 00:02:27,552 retired Air Force Sergeant Ms. Berrera. 30 00:02:27,587 --> 00:02:28,587 Ay, caramba! 31 00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:30,055 Air Force? Sergeant? 32 00:02:30,090 --> 00:02:31,489 A woman? 33 00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:32,691 Good morning, crew. 34 00:02:32,726 --> 00:02:35,260 I am proud to be here educating my country. 35 00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:38,997 For you, teacher. 36 00:02:40,901 --> 00:02:43,268 Because if there's one thing I learned in combat, 37 00:02:43,303 --> 00:02:46,972 it's that the most powerful weapon is knowledge. 38 00:02:47,007 --> 00:02:49,207 What's the second most powerful weapon? 39 00:02:49,242 --> 00:02:52,210 Shoulder-mounted anti-tank missile. Duh. 40 00:02:52,245 --> 00:02:55,046 Did you ever American Sniper someone? 41 00:02:55,082 --> 00:02:59,551 Uh, that's really not appropriate for me to say. 42 00:02:59,586 --> 00:03:01,553 How many hospitals did you help build? 43 00:03:01,588 --> 00:03:03,755 Negative three. 44 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,490 Oh, my God, I've got a cool teacher. 45 00:03:05,525 --> 00:03:07,826 What am I doing? I'm sitting up straight, 46 00:03:07,861 --> 00:03:09,594 and my hands are folded like a nerd. 47 00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:11,029 I've got to fix that. 48 00:03:11,064 --> 00:03:11,830 Yes? 49 00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:14,232 Now one's up in the air. 50 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:17,435 Okay, let's show this innocent young veteran 51 00:03:17,471 --> 00:03:21,006 what happens when you call on Bart Simpson. 52 00:03:21,041 --> 00:03:23,008 Ma'am, my name is Bart, 53 00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:26,611 and I just want to say how delighted I am that you're here. 54 00:03:26,646 --> 00:03:28,413 What the hell? 55 00:03:28,448 --> 00:03:30,448 Thank you, Bart. 56 00:03:33,353 --> 00:03:34,953 A neck tat? 57 00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:36,955 Milhouse, have you ever thought a teacher was cute? 58 00:03:36,990 --> 00:03:39,524 Oh, yeah. I thought Krabappel was smokin'. 59 00:03:39,559 --> 00:03:42,827 I kept every issue of the Fourth Gradian she was in. 60 00:03:42,863 --> 00:03:44,963 Great lady. 61 00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:47,832 ♪ Pretty sober ♪ 62 00:03:47,868 --> 00:03:51,669 ♪ I've only got one beer inside me ♪ 63 00:03:51,705 --> 00:03:54,105 ♪ Pull me over ♪ 64 00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:58,843 ♪ My blood alcohol is .03 ♪ 65 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:02,947 Oh, I like it when the drivers sing their blood alcohol level. 66 00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:04,682 ♪ Not so sober ♪ 67 00:04:04,718 --> 00:04:08,686 ♪ So drunk I'll eat gas station sushi. ♪ 68 00:04:08,722 --> 00:04:11,790 Homer, don't forget to pick up milk. 69 00:04:11,825 --> 00:04:14,025 Oh. And not just any milk-- 70 00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:16,694 healthy milk, without any hormones. 71 00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:19,697 I won't forget. 72 00:04:19,733 --> 00:04:23,334 Aw, they sell ads in thought bubbles now? 73 00:04:24,738 --> 00:04:26,638 I'm running a basic errand. 74 00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:30,175 Homer Simpson buying a healthy product? 75 00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:33,378 Now I have seen all of the things that there are to see. 76 00:04:34,414 --> 00:04:35,880 That will be $16. 77 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:39,084 And can I interest you in any, uh, milk insurance? 78 00:04:39,119 --> 00:04:41,019 $16?! Oof, 79 00:04:41,054 --> 00:04:44,923 another case of the rich cows stickin' it to the little guy. 80 00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:48,359 Okay, don't worry. We're going to get you into a milk today. 81 00:04:48,395 --> 00:04:52,197 Hmm. I like it's in a plastic bottle 82 00:04:52,232 --> 00:04:54,199 that'll be around for millions of years. 83 00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,201 But is it good for my kids? 84 00:04:56,236 --> 00:04:57,836 I know you have concerns. 85 00:04:57,871 --> 00:05:01,840 But this video will gloss over all of your questions. 86 00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,875 It'd better. 87 00:05:04,244 --> 00:05:05,210 Hmm. 88 00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:08,079 How's that milk, Jimmy? Boring. 89 00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:11,282 Now, we could engineer a new Jimmy who is less of a brat, 90 00:05:11,318 --> 00:05:14,786 but we'll just use science to jazz things up. 91 00:05:16,423 --> 00:05:19,290 We used to feed boring old grass to cows. 92 00:05:19,326 --> 00:05:21,793 That might have been fine for Farmer Brown. 93 00:05:21,828 --> 00:05:25,130 But we brought in a next-gen blend of phenyl ketamine, 94 00:05:25,165 --> 00:05:27,132 ketyl phenamine, and a healthy sprinkling 95 00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:30,135 of transuranic elements. But don't worry, 96 00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:34,172 we still get the milk from good old-fashioned cows. 97 00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:45,049 That's the best milk I've ever had. 98 00:05:45,085 --> 00:05:46,951 You said "milk." 99 00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:49,220 We can't, legally. 100 00:05:49,256 --> 00:05:51,556 I'm not the kind of guy advertising works on, 101 00:05:51,591 --> 00:05:54,025 but I'll take 20, no questions asked. 102 00:05:55,395 --> 00:05:57,095 Hmm? 103 00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,232 Bart, you're up already? 104 00:06:01,268 --> 00:06:02,767 Don't want to be late for school. 105 00:06:02,802 --> 00:06:05,170 Hair combed, face washed? 106 00:06:05,205 --> 00:06:06,405 I thought I'd shake things up. 107 00:06:06,439 --> 00:06:08,406 Morning, Marge. 108 00:06:08,441 --> 00:06:11,643 Morning, Bart. What the? Ooh, la, la. 109 00:06:11,678 --> 00:06:14,946 Is it a court day today? Hmm, let's see. 110 00:06:14,981 --> 00:06:17,415 Nope, today we're off. 111 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:20,818 The courthouse is closed because the judge is becoming a citizen. 112 00:06:20,854 --> 00:06:22,320 What gives, boy? 113 00:06:22,355 --> 00:06:24,155 Nothing's going on. 114 00:06:24,191 --> 00:06:25,957 Some days a boy just wants to look 115 00:06:25,992 --> 00:06:27,792 like he's going to church, okay? 116 00:06:27,827 --> 00:06:30,028 I'm the last one to breakfast? 117 00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,197 You guys are planning my birthday, right? 118 00:06:32,232 --> 00:06:34,199 'Cause last year's was kind of lonely. 119 00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:36,634 Boy, that's when I realized just how big 120 00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:39,103 a bowling alley really is. 121 00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:42,173 Can we please get a move on? I do not want to miss any school. 122 00:06:42,209 --> 00:06:45,176 Ooh, could this punctual Bart possibly be connected 123 00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:47,045 to your cute new teacher? 124 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,748 Oh, do I have a cute new sexy teacher? I hadn't noticed. 125 00:06:52,152 --> 00:06:53,718 ♪ Bart likes his teacher ♪ 126 00:06:53,753 --> 00:06:56,387 ♪ Bart likes his teacher. ♪ 127 00:06:56,423 --> 00:06:59,324 Hey, nothing can turn a boy's life around like a cute teacher. 128 00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:01,726 Like what Michelle Pfeiffer did for Coolio. 129 00:07:01,761 --> 00:07:04,729 In fact, to be supportive, I'll drive Bart to school. 130 00:07:04,764 --> 00:07:08,299 Are you just trying to see how cute the teacher is? 131 00:07:08,335 --> 00:07:10,702 Or how handsome he is, Marge. 132 00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:12,136 Not a he, right, boy? 133 00:07:12,172 --> 00:07:14,105 No. 134 00:07:16,409 --> 00:07:17,842 Hmm? 135 00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:20,178 Even my dad came back for this! 136 00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:22,380 That's right, son. But, uh, right after this, 137 00:07:22,415 --> 00:07:24,382 I have to go get some cigarettes. 138 00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:26,985 Last time, you never came back. 139 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,987 Oh, don't cry, Norman. 140 00:07:29,022 --> 00:07:30,488 That's not my name! 141 00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:32,890 Oh, right. That's my other abandoned son. 142 00:07:32,926 --> 00:07:34,626 I have a brother! 143 00:07:35,929 --> 00:07:38,263 And just what are you doing? 144 00:07:38,298 --> 00:07:40,098 Putting the first new coat of paint on this school 145 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,399 in 30 years. 146 00:07:41,434 --> 00:07:43,601 It's always good 147 00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,770 to have a joker in the platoon. 148 00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:47,772 Bart, according to your folder, 149 00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:49,440 you need some extra help. 150 00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,342 Can you meet me after class? 151 00:07:51,378 --> 00:07:53,911 No problemo. I can move my 3:30 freeze tag. 152 00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,781 Ugh, just cancel. 153 00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:59,517 Bart, I'm glad that you're trying, 154 00:07:59,552 --> 00:08:01,419 but I am worried that you're starting from a place 155 00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:04,389 far behind most students. 156 00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:09,193 It's because I am so troubled, ma'am. 157 00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:12,363 Vulnerable. I need a firm but pretty hand. 158 00:08:12,399 --> 00:08:15,566 Oh. Would you like Martin Prince to tutor you? 159 00:08:15,602 --> 00:08:17,635 No! Last time he was at my house, 160 00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:20,471 he talked about bird-watching all day. 161 00:08:20,507 --> 00:08:23,408 Even my mom got bored, and she loves boredom. 162 00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:27,045 Well, I guess I could see you Tuesdays after school. 163 00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:32,650 ♪ Tuesday ♪ 164 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:37,522 ♪ Afternoon ♪ 165 00:08:37,557 --> 00:08:38,690 ♪ I'm just beginning ♪ 166 00:08:38,725 --> 00:08:42,093 ♪ To see ♪ 167 00:08:42,128 --> 00:08:45,096 ♪ Now I'm on my way ♪ 168 00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:49,667 ♪ It doesn't matter to me ♪ 169 00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:54,972 ♪ Chasing the clouds away. ♪ 170 00:08:55,008 --> 00:08:57,342 Uh, Ms. Berrera? 171 00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,344 I was, uh, wondering if you needed any help, 172 00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:01,779 uh, pulling your maps. 173 00:09:01,815 --> 00:09:04,015 You have to give 'em a snap. 174 00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:07,852 Otherwise, they just get longer and longer. 175 00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:10,288 Oh, my God, he loves her, too. 176 00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:12,023 Oh, my God, he loves her, too. 177 00:09:12,058 --> 00:09:14,459 Oh, my God, they love me, too! 178 00:09:14,494 --> 00:09:16,361 That's right. In my head, I sound like this. 179 00:09:19,084 --> 00:09:21,885 No! No, no, no, no! 180 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,520 What happened? Did jazz die? 181 00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:25,155 Look at me! 182 00:09:26,892 --> 00:09:29,125 Acne? But she's only eight. 183 00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:32,061 Somehow I'm becoming a squeaky-voiced teen! 184 00:09:32,097 --> 00:09:34,264 Do you want fries with that? 185 00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,932 What am I saying?! 186 00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:39,369 I, too, was visited by the Ghost of Puberty Present. 187 00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,871 I've got a starter 'stache. Next, I'm a loser, 188 00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:43,773 then I'm a creep, then I'm a perv. 189 00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,208 I've got to buy a van. 190 00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:47,777 This isn't fair. 191 00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:50,280 I'm not ready for my awkward years. 192 00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:54,117 This is my happy childhood, for crying out loud! 193 00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:55,952 Aw. Beep, bop, boop. 194 00:09:55,987 --> 00:09:58,588 Dialing for pizza. 195 00:10:00,325 --> 00:10:04,394 Somewhere, another mustache is in tremendous pain. 196 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,763 It must be precocious puberty. 197 00:10:06,798 --> 00:10:11,000 It's a thing. I just read about it in Thing Magazine. 198 00:10:11,036 --> 00:10:14,504 Homer, I'll fix Lisa up, and you teach Bart to shave. 199 00:10:14,539 --> 00:10:19,609 You got it. But there will be blood. 200 00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:21,311 And there, 201 00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:23,980 there, and there. 202 00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:27,984 The cream looks delicious, but don't eat too much. 203 00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,986 And there. See how it's done, boy? 204 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:31,454 Dad, aren't you supposed 205 00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,623 to take the little plastic thing off the blade? 206 00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:37,427 Really? I always wondered about that. 207 00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,828 Hmm. 208 00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:44,033 Well, hello, Billy Zane. 209 00:10:45,737 --> 00:10:48,004 Sweetie, every kid goes through this. 210 00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:50,440 That's why proms are dark. 211 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:55,011 Just stick some carrots in there three times a day. 212 00:10:58,083 --> 00:11:01,784 So we won't see your sweet little face for ten more years? 213 00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:07,891 Mom, the inside of this hoodie is covered in tears. 214 00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:10,827 Let me try some makeup. 215 00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:14,631 Cruelty-free? Oh, yes. 216 00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:16,566 I'll be very gentle. 217 00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:18,701 Marge? Marge, you got to see this! 218 00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:19,702 Oh, what is it? 219 00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:21,504 D'oh! 220 00:11:27,178 --> 00:11:29,646 I actually have two different PTSDs. 221 00:11:29,681 --> 00:11:31,581 The kind we combat veterans know. 222 00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:35,485 And, also, Parent- Teacher-Student Dilemmas. 223 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,587 No! 224 00:11:39,691 --> 00:11:41,257 Bart! 225 00:11:41,293 --> 00:11:42,825 Do not worry. 226 00:11:42,861 --> 00:11:45,428 I am certified as a paramedic. 227 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,168 Oh! Teacher, could you kiss my owie? 228 00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:55,071 Boy, owies can only be kissed by Willie. 229 00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:59,409 Where's the owie? I'm fine. I'm fine. 230 00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:02,912 Whoa, Lisa, you look great! 231 00:12:02,948 --> 00:12:04,948 Beautiful and mature. 232 00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:07,016 Like a sideline reporter. 233 00:12:07,052 --> 00:12:08,851 Oh. R-Really? 234 00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:11,120 Didn't know you were so cool. 235 00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:15,024 Well, um, uh, well, duh. 236 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:18,227 Oh, my God, I'm popular! 237 00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:20,430 Hope this doesn't go to my head. 238 00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:22,865 It went right to my head! Aah! 239 00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:25,535 So when you're done with this page, you will learn 240 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,738 how tectonic plates rub against each other 241 00:12:28,773 --> 00:12:31,474 till something gives deep down. 242 00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:33,876 You do not have to tutor this boy 243 00:12:33,912 --> 00:12:36,245 under the new One Child Left Behind law. 244 00:12:36,281 --> 00:12:40,116 But he needs help, and he's not going to be a child much longer. 245 00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:42,118 He's got a mustache coming in. 246 00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,786 Yeah, so beat it, bald lip. 247 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:51,461 Oh, my God, I just got invited to my first third-grade party! 248 00:12:51,496 --> 00:12:53,229 Are the parents gonna be home? 249 00:12:53,264 --> 00:12:55,264 - Yes. - Lame. 250 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,300 Guys, I need to sharpen my mustaches. 251 00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:58,768 Which is better-- 252 00:12:58,803 --> 00:13:00,403 A or B? 253 00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:02,338 A... or B? 254 00:13:02,374 --> 00:13:03,940 A or B? 255 00:13:03,975 --> 00:13:06,476 A... or B? 256 00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:08,077 B. - A. N. 257 00:13:08,113 --> 00:13:09,679 Ugh! I'm tired of my son 258 00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:12,115 having a mustache like a pool boy. 259 00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,185 Hey, those pool boys pull in some sweet jingle. 260 00:13:16,221 --> 00:13:18,187 Plus, they get to work in flip-flops. 261 00:13:18,223 --> 00:13:20,690 Homie, it's time we figured this out. 262 00:13:20,725 --> 00:13:22,792 Maybe milk will help us think. 263 00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:24,293 How would milk do that? 264 00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:26,362 It's from cows who are smart enough 265 00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:28,498 not to get turned into hamburger. 266 00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:29,999 Hmm. 267 00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:33,770 Oh. I never looked closely at this milk before. 268 00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,872 Is it made by a soda company? 269 00:13:35,907 --> 00:13:37,807 They don't just make soda, Marge. 270 00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:39,642 They also make industrial foam. 271 00:13:43,314 --> 00:13:44,914 Homer, it's the milk! 272 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:45,949 Oh. Hey. 273 00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,152 I'll call the help hotline on the carton. 274 00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:55,691 Talk to me. 275 00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,360 Yes, I need a milk refund. 276 00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,862 Right. Um, address, please? 277 00:13:59,898 --> 00:14:01,831 Wait, wait. Hold on. 278 00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:07,637 742 Nevergreen... Oh, Evergreen Terrace. 279 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:10,406 Sorry. Our system's a little slow. 280 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,045 Aw! 281 00:14:19,451 --> 00:14:22,652 Ew! I mean, cool! 282 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,221 I just turned a big corner, Bart. 283 00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:32,534 Oh, Simpson, 284 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:34,603 I called you here to gloat. 285 00:14:34,638 --> 00:14:37,539 Yeah, yeah, I know about you and Berrera. 286 00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:39,775 You know about me and Carol? 287 00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,810 You know her name? 288 00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:43,912 Oh, first and middle, and I know more. 289 00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,882 Her favorite salad bar item is little shredded cheese. 290 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,283 Pff. Everyone likes that. 291 00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:50,386 Oh, I know a lot more than that. 292 00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,254 She's never seen an episode of Friends. 293 00:14:52,289 --> 00:14:53,722 Not even "The One with..."? 294 00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,124 No, not one. 295 00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:57,126 And she has a cat with different color eyes. 296 00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,561 His name is Bowie. 297 00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:01,563 No! 298 00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:04,166 Face it, Simpson: you can't compete with me. 299 00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:05,934 I can rent a car. 300 00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:09,838 How can I derail his happiness? 301 00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:12,574 I got a delivery of live class pets here. 302 00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:15,310 Interesting. Excuse me. I have one question. 303 00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,179 Yes. 304 00:15:17,214 --> 00:15:20,749 When you're in the shower, do you shampoo your mustache? 305 00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:23,085 Of course. It's a must-stache, 306 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,287 not an if-you-feel-like-it-stache. 307 00:15:25,322 --> 00:15:26,955 All right, have a good day. 308 00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:27,956 Dickory doo. 309 00:15:31,162 --> 00:15:32,795 I brought you some candy, Carol. 310 00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:35,097 Not from CVS, not from Walgreens. 311 00:15:35,132 --> 00:15:36,865 From the airport. 312 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,801 And I wasn't even going anywhere. 313 00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:40,202 Oh! Ah. 314 00:15:40,237 --> 00:15:42,538 Your candy's filled with chupacabras. 315 00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:45,507 We've been pranked or possibly punked. 316 00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:47,376 I know who your prankster is. 317 00:15:47,411 --> 00:15:49,044 The Simpson lad. 318 00:15:49,079 --> 00:15:51,213 Were you watching us make out? 319 00:15:51,248 --> 00:15:52,815 I was watching you try. 320 00:15:55,419 --> 00:15:58,620 Mom, could you please, please, please 321 00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:00,722 stay within the lip liner? 322 00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,559 A week ago, you'd never even worn makeup. 323 00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:05,794 Now you're an expert like Ace Frehley. 324 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,663 Aah! 325 00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:15,904 Sherri. Terri. 326 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,807 I usually don't see double until an hour into the party. 327 00:16:22,179 --> 00:16:23,645 It's going to rain, 328 00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,147 and rain washes off makeup, 329 00:16:25,182 --> 00:16:27,382 and then they will see me as I truly am-- 330 00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:29,518 imperfect, blemished, 331 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,687 a social mess in a lampshade dress. 332 00:16:33,357 --> 00:16:35,357 Okay, all right. 333 00:16:35,392 --> 00:16:37,059 Lisa, you were never popular, 334 00:16:37,094 --> 00:16:38,894 so you're playing with the house's money. 335 00:16:38,929 --> 00:16:40,996 Attention, party! 336 00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:43,832 I'm not like you. 337 00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:47,603 What I'm saying is, I gave my Christmas money to NPR. 338 00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:50,239 I have a chemistry set... that I've used! 339 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,707 Is there a point to this? 340 00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:53,542 And beneath all this makeup, 341 00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,944 I have... problem skin. 342 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,080 Ew! 343 00:17:00,651 --> 00:17:02,618 What are you talking about? 344 00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:04,620 Your skin is fin 345 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:07,389 Really? The bad milk wore off. 346 00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:10,259 So, uh, admitting you're not cool is probably 347 00:17:10,294 --> 00:17:12,427 the coolest thing you can do, right? 348 00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:17,165 I will see myself out. 349 00:17:20,337 --> 00:17:22,704 You look ba-lonely. 350 00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:24,139 I feel ba-lonely. 351 00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:26,542 You want to be friends? I do. 352 00:17:26,577 --> 00:17:28,610 Um, how clean is that hand? 353 00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,212 Mmm... mah! 354 00:17:30,247 --> 00:17:31,813 Cleaner now. 355 00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:33,215 Okay. 356 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,317 A fish says, "Moo!" 357 00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:37,553 This isn't gonna last long. 358 00:17:37,588 --> 00:17:39,588 I still take baths in the sink. 359 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,824 Okay, it's over. Sorry, Ralph. 360 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,661 I'll be eating crayons for one. 361 00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:52,301 Oh, the plan is perfect! 362 00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:54,570 I just have to get Skinner to hold still 363 00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:56,572 while I slip a firecracker in his butt. 364 00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,140 Come on, give it up. 365 00:17:58,175 --> 00:18:00,609 Bart, I realized what's been going on. 366 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:03,579 We've been operating under the influence of hormones. 367 00:18:03,614 --> 00:18:05,981 Hormones? Sounds far-fetched. 368 00:18:06,016 --> 00:18:07,583 Very far-fetched. 369 00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,152 Well, it's true, so give Skinner a shot. 370 00:18:10,187 --> 00:18:12,187 Everyone deserves happiness. 371 00:18:12,222 --> 00:18:14,656 Even wieners. 372 00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:21,330 Hey, Dad, how much does the Mustache Fairy pay? 373 00:18:21,365 --> 00:18:23,799 Hmm, three bucks. 374 00:18:27,905 --> 00:18:31,440 When you asked me to go skating, I really thought you knew how. 375 00:18:31,475 --> 00:18:36,044 Uh, I thought I could learn by watching YouTubes this morning. 376 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,213 All right, Simpson, I'm here. 377 00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:40,549 Do what you do best-- your worst. 378 00:18:40,584 --> 00:18:42,784 Look, Seymour, I'm not gonna do a thing. 379 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,520 Carol, he's all yours. 380 00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:47,356 Wow. The first war I've won. 381 00:18:47,391 --> 00:18:50,158 Uh, Carol, all that's left is for you to meet my mother, 382 00:18:50,194 --> 00:18:52,027 and, uh, up she skates now. 383 00:18:52,062 --> 00:18:56,565 My son, I just want to say, I wish the four of you the best. 384 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,300 Four of us? 385 00:18:58,335 --> 00:19:02,404 You, her, your model planes and nudie books. 386 00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:03,972 Sorry, Seymour. 387 00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:07,009 Now I can't look at you without picturing it. 388 00:19:07,044 --> 00:19:08,644 Oh, my room's not that bad. 389 00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:10,879 I'm talking about your mother. 390 00:19:14,084 --> 00:19:16,818 Hey, listen, want to roast marshmallows? 391 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:19,221 I'd like that. Great, man, great. 392 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:21,623 You're buying. 393 00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:26,762 Thank you, Simpson. 394 00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:28,497 That does feel better. 395 00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:30,932 Fire looks like it's dying down. 396 00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:35,103 Thanks, man. 397 00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:37,239 Well, I guess a lot of women leave their men 398 00:19:37,274 --> 00:19:38,774 to go back and serve in Afghanistan. 399 00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:40,709 No one drives 'em away like you, Seymour. 400 00:19:47,301 --> 00:19:50,646 Well, no more makeup for me. Ever! 401 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,280 What about when 402 00:19:52,315 --> 00:19:53,670 you're blowing your stupid horn at Carnegie Hall? 403 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:57,171 If you say it out loud, it won't come true! 404 00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:59,106 Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. 405 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,580 Looks like someone's still drinking the milk. 406 00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:15,451 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 407 00:20:55,002 --> 00:20:56,969 Shh!