1
00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:02,780
You're watching The Simpsons.
2
00:00:02,790 --> 00:00:05,790
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,790 --> 00:00:08,560
Catch all-new episodes Sundays
and check out
our other Fox programs...
4
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:11,630
Brooklyn Nine-Nine,
Bob's Burgers and Family Guy.
5
00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:14,530
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
6
00:00:14,530 --> 00:00:15,760
Only on Fox.
7
00:00:23,410 --> 00:00:25,680
Today's safety film Don't Wear
Jewelry During Sports
8
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,410
has been cancelled.
9
00:00:27,410 --> 00:00:29,840
Instead we'll watch a movie
that made me fall in love
10
00:00:29,850 --> 00:00:33,720
with showing movies
I've watched to other people.
11
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,920
(kids booing)
12
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,090
(exclaiming)
13
00:00:43,090 --> 00:00:45,250
That's right, the 1967 classic
14
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:47,420
Doctor Dolittle,
which answers the question:
15
00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:49,890
what if an elderly
unmarried doctor
16
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,500
decided to focus
his practice on animals?
17
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,260
The running time is 152 minutes!
18
00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:57,100
The running time is now!
19
00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:00,500
(grunts)
20
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:05,180
(horse neighing)
21
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:07,780
(neighing)
22
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:11,010
(neighing continues)
23
00:01:11,020 --> 00:01:12,580
(groans)
24
00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:15,530
He's been giving that horse
an eye exam forever.
25
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,760
(neighs)
MILHOUSE: It's a carrot, stupid!
26
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:24,190
Isn't it a pity you're a seal?
27
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,860
(seal grunts)
28
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,760
KIDS:
Ew!
29
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:31,800
That dude's making it
with a fish!
30
00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:36,250
I kissed a light socket once,
and I woke up in a helicopter.
31
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,820
♪ This is the world
of Dr. Dolittle ♪
32
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:44,150
♪ The wonderful world
of Dr. Dolittle... ♪
33
00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:47,150
This is Anthony Newley
at his worst.
34
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,230
(singing along):
♪ Where crocodiles talk
35
00:01:50,230 --> 00:01:52,260
♪ And elephants sing
36
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:57,160
♪ And animals
do most any old thing. ♪
37
00:01:57,170 --> 00:01:59,770
♪ My friend the doctor
38
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:02,470
♪ And me.
39
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,780
That movie was so bad,
it actually stinks.
40
00:02:07,780 --> 00:02:09,850
(sniffing)
41
00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,320
Whoa, it's not the movie.
42
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,810
It's Bart!
43
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:14,620
(kids sniffing)
44
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:17,420
(kids clamoring in disgust)
45
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,990
I don't stink.
46
00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:20,960
You're just smelling
the old boogers in your noses.
47
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,195
You got to pick those things...
It's called hygiene.
48
00:02:23,196 --> 00:02:24,620
If I may join in the mockery,
49
00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:27,430
Lisa Simpson also
has an appalling odor.
50
00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,030
(kids sniffing)
51
00:02:29,030 --> 00:02:30,590
What? (gasps)
I don't smell.
52
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,600
Girls don't smell!
53
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,330
(deep sniff)
54
00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:37,440
Sorry, girl, but you smell.
55
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,210
(singsongy):
Stink-sons! Stink-sons!
56
00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:43,210
KIDS (singsongy):
Stink-sons! Stink-sons!
57
00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:45,340
Children can be so cruel.
58
00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:47,850
ALL (singsongy):
Stink-son! Stink-son!
59
00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:49,810
Then they called me Stink-son.
60
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:51,220
That's not even my name.
61
00:02:51,220 --> 00:02:52,610
What happened?
62
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:54,550
Our family's been
ostracized for lots of things,
63
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,130
but never our hygiene.
64
00:02:57,130 --> 00:02:59,360
Rarely our hygiene.
65
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,360
Never my hygiene!
66
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,890
(groans)
I think I know
67
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,200
where the smell is coming from.
68
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,400
Mold.
(groans)
69
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:11,010
It's worse than a
Grampa hug in the summer.
70
00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:12,510
I thought smelly
clothes only happened
71
00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:15,110
to working mothers.
72
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,720
This is all the money I've found
73
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,490
in Homer's pants
pockets over the years.
74
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:27,330
I was saving it
to buy a spice rack
75
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:30,420
instead of always renting one.
76
00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:34,270
But I guess we'll have
to spend this money
77
00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:36,260
on a new washing machine.
78
00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:40,440
We cannot continue on
as the Stink-sons.
79
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,610
Oh, Stink-sons!
80
00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:45,280
(laughing)
81
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,080
Hey!
82
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,850
When I return, we will no longer
83
00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:51,250
have to wear attic clothes.
84
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,410
♪
85
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,190
(humming)
(bell dings)
86
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:03,350
Mmm...
87
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,130
smoked meat.
88
00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:08,370
Mmm!
89
00:04:08,370 --> 00:04:10,070
(sniffing)
90
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,300
(horns blaring)
Move it, fat ass!
91
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,200
I'm trying to text!
Oh, I spilled my pee jar!
92
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,460
Watch it, Stink-son!
93
00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:18,130
A roadside barbecue stand?
94
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:20,740
Everything tastes better
when it's near a road.
95
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,370
Try a taste.
96
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:24,720
Guaranteed to blow
your mouth's mind.
97
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,740
Mmm.
98
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:28,720
♪
99
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,490
(laughing)
100
00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:33,390
Oh, look at 'em go!
101
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:35,460
(laughing deliriously)
102
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:39,400
(laughing)
103
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,770
Ooh, charred and moist!
104
00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:46,370
Like Satan's burps.
105
00:04:47,670 --> 00:04:51,570
The grill marks
are shaped like a honeycomb!
106
00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:54,170
That's why I call her the Hive.
107
00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:58,320
She's been passed down through
my family for generations.
108
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,520
They say the Hive's
made from a meteor...
109
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,260
which burned off
my great-grandpappy's beard,
110
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,530
exposing his weak chin
to the entire township.
111
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:10,930
(laughter)
112
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,600
(grunts)
113
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,600
It was a gift from the heavens.
114
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,440
The perfect smoker.
115
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,630
The Hive has never
been cooled down,
116
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,340
never been cleaned.
117
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,450
Mixing meat, fat and smoke
into pure magic.
118
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:31,540
Mmm... smoked me.
119
00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:35,390
You look like a man
who needs a smoker in his life.
120
00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:37,390
It just so happens that the Hive
121
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:39,520
is available for purchase.
(gasps)
122
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,550
But why would you give up
your most prized possession?
123
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,960
That'd be like Stephen Hawking
selling his talking motorcycle.
124
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,660
My old lady and I are
saving up to live our dream
125
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:52,640
of moving further away
from our grandchildren.
126
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:53,800
(moans)
127
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,560
But if I don't come home
128
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,630
with a washing machine,
my wife will be so mad.
129
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,180
Oh, should I do the thing
I'm supposed to do
130
00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:02,580
or the thing
everybody knows I'm gonna do?
131
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:04,810
You bought a grill?!
132
00:06:04,810 --> 00:06:06,410
It's not a grill.
133
00:06:06,420 --> 00:06:07,980
It's a smoker.
134
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,750
That you can grill on.
135
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,980
That money was supposed
to de-stink our children,
136
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:14,990
and instead you bought
a... doo-hickey
137
00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:16,590
to stuff your greedy face.
138
00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:19,190
(groans angrily)
139
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,660
Don't worry, Homer.
140
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:23,830
Nothing fixes bad times
like good food.
141
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,990
Also, I died.
142
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
Hmm.
143
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:29,610
(groaning angrily)
144
00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:30,610
(sniffing)
145
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:31,780
Huh?
146
00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:33,680
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
147
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,250
I can't believe you cooked this.
148
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,080
Well, the secret to barbecue
149
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,020
is sitting around doing nothing.
150
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,290
No wonder I'm great at it.
151
00:06:41,290 --> 00:06:44,280
Mmm... smoky carrot.
152
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,290
And, Maggie, this is for you.
153
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:49,090
(squeals)
154
00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:51,420
Come on, just one bite.
155
00:06:51,430 --> 00:06:52,600
Nah-uh!
Uh-huh.
156
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,730
Never!
Ever.
157
00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:55,630
Forget it.
Remember it.
158
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:56,530
No way, Jose!
159
00:06:56,530 --> 00:06:57,790
Sí way, Josefina.
160
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,060
Nothin' doing.
161
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,310
Everythin' undoing.
162
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:02,600
Oh, fine!
One bite.
163
00:07:02,610 --> 00:07:03,640
(gasps)
164
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,640
Ooh!
165
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,700
(laughing excitedly)
166
00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:13,040
Homie, I finally
understand gluttony.
167
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:15,890
Welcome to America, baby.
168
00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:17,990
(all chewing loudly)
169
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,380
(barking)
170
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,330
Sorry for dropping by,
171
00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:32,330
but we smelled your barbecue
and couldn't resist.
172
00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:34,340
Here's some Carl-slaw
to go with it.
173
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:37,110
I call it "Carl-slaw,"
because I bought it.
174
00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:39,240
(grunting)
175
00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:45,310
(excited chattering)
176
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,120
Look how popular we are.
177
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,120
That smoker is the best thing
that ever happened to us.
178
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,120
Thank goodness for
your selfish choices.
179
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,080
I make them all for you.
180
00:07:56,090 --> 00:07:57,920
(tires screeching,
people exclaiming)
181
00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,660
(excited chattering)
182
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:03,160
Yeah, I'm looking for a barbecue
bozo name of Homer Simpson?
183
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:06,940
Whoa, that's Chew Network's
celebrity chef Scotty Boom!
184
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,340
He's the host
of Side Dish Impossible,
185
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,710
Master Prison Chef
and Kill It, Chill It, Grill.
186
00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,110
Yeah, how you doing, everybody?
187
00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:15,710
I'm Scotty Boom,
188
00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:17,670
and I'm challenging
you to an Eat-down!
189
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,820
What's that...
Some kind of eat-down?
190
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,780
It's my new show where I use
191
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:23,780
my big-time New York
City chef skills
192
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,960
to obliterate amateur cooks.
193
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,730
Who would watch
such a one-sided farce?
194
00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:30,160
I'm in.
195
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,660
This Eat-down's
gonna throw down
196
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:34,120
at the Springfield
Barbecue Festival.
197
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:37,740
And when I'm done, you're gonna
wish you never heard of food!
198
00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:39,960
(people oohing)
Buy my cookware!
199
00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:42,540
(gasps): I'm competing
against Scotty Boom!
200
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,810
He's got what
all great chefs have...
201
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,040
Yelling.
202
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,040
ALL (chanting):
Homer! Homer! Homer!
203
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,050
You were right, greasy hobo.
204
00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:56,720
Nothing fixes bad times
like good food.
205
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,490
Up here, I can watch
206
00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:02,290
anyone in the world
take a shower.
207
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,760
(grunting)
208
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,560
Okay, pork, I'm gonna throw you
209
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,390
in that magic smoker
for 24 hours
210
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,730
and win that cook-off.
211
00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:12,860
I only wish you could be alive
to see it.
212
00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:14,205
(British accent):
Then I suppose
213
00:09:14,206 --> 00:09:16,030
this is my last chance to say
214
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,840
I love you.
215
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,510
Aw...
216
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:21,040
(gasps)
217
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,770
Oh, no!
218
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,620
Our smoker's been stolen!
219
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,250
Why?!
220
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:29,450
And when?!
221
00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:31,880
You didn't lock it up?
222
00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:33,520
You fat idiot!
223
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,080
I'm out of here.
224
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,090
(groans)
225
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,800
(moans)
You'll find the Hive, right?
226
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,900
Tell me you'll find my smoker!
227
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,260
Ah, don't you worry.
228
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,470
The Springfield PD
is on the case.
229
00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:51,230
Ah, yeah.
230
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,040
Uh, well, I wouldn't
get your hopes up.
231
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,270
High-end barbeques like yours
are easy pickings.
232
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,650
Smokeheads grab them at night,
clean them up.
233
00:09:57,650 --> 00:09:59,620
Next thing you know,
234
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:01,620
it's cooking
another family's hot dogs.
235
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:04,650
Humanity... what a joke.
(spits)
236
00:10:04,650 --> 00:10:05,880
So, it's gone.
237
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,890
It's really gone.
238
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:10,300
All that's left is
the smell of burning hickory
239
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,790
and three
tiny little wheel prints.
240
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,700
Good night, sweet prints.
241
00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:28,510
So you lost your grill.
242
00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:30,470
Snap out of it,
you big fat baby.
243
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,580
Son, this is so much more
244
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:34,680
than just losing
an outdoor cooking device.
245
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,280
How to explain this to a child?
246
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:39,020
This is the death of hope.
247
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:41,280
What are you talking about?
248
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:43,260
Everything good
that comes into our lives,
249
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:45,260
the universe takes away.
250
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,460
So from now on,
I'm just gonna lie here
251
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,790
and never care again.
252
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,770
Come on, you know
your life sucks.
253
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,470
Just get drunk
like you always do.
254
00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:54,940
I don't want to.
255
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,040
(gasps)
256
00:10:57,540 --> 00:10:58,810
(moans)
257
00:10:58,810 --> 00:10:59,980
Look at him.
258
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:01,510
He's lying there
like a beached whale
259
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:02,970
waiting to explode.
260
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,320
Maybe we should try to
track down that smoker.
261
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,940
I don't know.
262
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,720
The whole barbequing scene
is pretty pro-meat.
263
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,490
And all that smoke
pollutes the environment.
264
00:11:11,490 --> 00:11:13,790
This isn't about your
boyfriend, the planet.
265
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:16,030
I've never seen him
this beaten down.
266
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,500
Okay, look for clues.
267
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,870
Are there any mud
samples we can trace
268
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:23,060
to local heaths and moors?
269
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:25,500
Sorry, I've been watching
a lot of Sherlock.
270
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,160
(barking)
271
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:28,500
Knock it off, boy.
272
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,900
I don't have any meat for you.
273
00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:31,570
Get down!
Wait!
274
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:33,500
Santa's Little Helper
was in the yard last night
275
00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:35,750
when the smoker was stolen,
but he didn't make a peep.
276
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,880
Why?
277
00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:40,880
(gasps)
278
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,910
"Natural Peanut Butter."
279
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,890
What if someone
gave this to the dog
280
00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:46,760
so he'd be licking
instead of barking
281
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,830
while they took the smoker?!
282
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:50,330
(gasps)
You got a clue, boy!
283
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,530
A clue! (laughs)
284
00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:53,830
Who's a smart dog?
285
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:56,170
Who's a smart dog?
286
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:58,940
(panting)
287
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:00,540
(barking)
288
00:12:00,540 --> 00:12:01,940
(panting)
289
00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:03,240
(bell clangs)
ANNOUNCER: You're watching
290
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,370
Eat-down with Scotty Boom.
291
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,000
Come on, Homie.
292
00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:10,115
We can't let this
Empire State jabroni beat us.
293
00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,910
This week I took on the Gilbert
family of Portland, Maine.
294
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,790
They've been making clam chowder
for generations.
295
00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:18,890
How is that better than
something I spent a day on?
296
00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:20,460
I win!
297
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,460
Manhattan chowder, baby!
298
00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:24,230
NYC!
299
00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:26,900
Greatest city, greatest chowder!
300
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:30,240
The Gilbert family
has learned a valuable lesson...
301
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,860
Screw everything.
302
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:35,810
Dad, we're gonna
find that smoker!
303
00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:38,470
To try is to fail!
304
00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:40,030
There's only one store in town
305
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,440
that sells
all-natural peanut butter.
306
00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:44,780
(bell dings)
307
00:12:50,490 --> 00:12:52,990
Don't worry, I know how
to talk to these people.
308
00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:55,630
Thank goodness
you have organic fennel.
309
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:59,600
The fennel at the farmer's
market is only transitional.
310
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,100
(groans)
Typical.
311
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:04,240
Small farmers ruining it
for the really small farmers.
312
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,390
So, could you maybe tell me
313
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,900
who bought this brand
of peanut butter?
314
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:10,440
Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry.
315
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,410
You want me to violate
my customers' privacy?
316
00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:14,080
Who are you working for?
317
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,810
The NSA?
Big pharma?
318
00:13:15,810 --> 00:13:17,470
Amazon Prime?
319
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,020
Tell us! Tell us!
Tell us! Tell us!
320
00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:21,020
(moans)
321
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,450
My hoops!
(grunting)
322
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:24,850
My ridiculous flesh hoops!
323
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:27,850
There!
324
00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:29,430
Someone's ringing
up peanut butter.
325
00:13:29,430 --> 00:13:31,560
(both gasp)
Nelson!
326
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:34,700
What are you playing
there, Nelson?
327
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,470
Clash of Castles?
328
00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:37,830
So what if it is?
329
00:13:37,830 --> 00:13:39,430
Your castle's
pretty well-defended.
330
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,470
Level six catapults.
331
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,000
Level seven sorcerers.
332
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,100
Maxed-out trolls.
(whistles)
333
00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:46,510
Uh, yeah, well.
(clears his throat)
334
00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:48,440
Yeah, gets the job done.
335
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,210
I tell you, those are
some nice upgrades.
336
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:53,040
Expensive upgrades.
337
00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:55,650
Upgrades like that cost gems.
338
00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:57,680
And gems cost cash.
339
00:13:57,690 --> 00:13:59,660
Expensive cash.
340
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,030
Where'd you get
the cash, Nelson?
341
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:02,220
I don't use gems!
342
00:14:02,230 --> 00:14:04,690
I'm a grinder!
A grinder!
343
00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:06,050
(grunts)
344
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:08,290
(yelling)
345
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,970
(both moaning)
346
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,040
(moaning continues)
347
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:19,880
(gasps)
348
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,140
(whimpering)
349
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,740
(both scream)
350
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,710
What are they?
351
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:26,710
They're like televisions...
352
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,090
but they just keep going!
353
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:30,890
He's meeting with someone.
354
00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:32,990
That's always a sign of guilt.
355
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,050
Hope you don't mind.
356
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:40,560
I cooked some dinner on it.
357
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,090
Mmm. (sniffs)
358
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,940
Ah, smell you later.
359
00:14:49,370 --> 00:14:52,030
("Take the A Train" by Duke
Ellington ringtone plays)
360
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,270
(phone beeps)
361
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,950
This is our chance.
362
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,910
BOTH:
Hot! Hot!
363
00:14:57,910 --> 00:14:59,270
Hot!
364
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,940
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
365
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,390
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
366
00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:03,690
(gasps)
367
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,090
(tires squealing)
368
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:08,960
(crickets chirping)
369
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,030
(groans)
370
00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,060
(both groan)
371
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:13,960
The universe does hate us.
372
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,090
It feels good to surrender.
373
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,970
(all groan)
374
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:19,770
Good girl, Maggie.
375
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,740
Give up young.
376
00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:24,110
(panting, barking)
377
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:31,310
(all groaning)
378
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:33,210
Get up off that floor!
379
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:35,220
We are on
a head-to-head cook-off
380
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,620
that'll be shown on TV
and probably some planes.
381
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:40,620
We don't have the smoker.
382
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:42,980
Just let us forfeit
with dignity.
383
00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:44,790
We still have to try.
384
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:47,220
This isn't a family of quitters.
385
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:48,560
Sure we are.
386
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,960
We always have been
and more so now.
387
00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,600
I'm a quitter.
388
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,230
And I'll back down to anyone
who says I'm not.
389
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,840
Come on,
Buddhists aren't quitters.
390
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,440
Actually, Mom,
Buddhism is really
391
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,570
just quitting in yoga pants.
392
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,280
This is a Live Strong bracelet.
393
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,250
Lance Armstrong never quit.
394
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:06,820
He never quit
the Tour de France.
395
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:09,690
He never quit lying
about his steroid use.
396
00:16:09,690 --> 00:16:11,590
And he still hasn't
totally come clean.
397
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:14,120
Now get in the car!
398
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:15,250
(lively chatter)
399
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:18,530
MOE:
Eat-down! Eat-down! Eat-down!
Yee-haw!
400
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:22,690
I can handle this
barbeque competition.
401
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:26,270
All I need is a little
help from an old friend.
402
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,130
I'm Alton Brown
403
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:32,040
and welcome to Eat-down!
404
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,270
Today Scotty Boom
takes on the Simpsons in...
405
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,650
(bell clanging)
406
00:16:37,650 --> 00:16:39,880
And I can tell you this...
It will be edited
407
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,280
to be dramatic.
408
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,280
Marge, do you think your meat
409
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:46,290
has what it takes
to win this Eat-down?
410
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,120
It sure does.
411
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,820
Homer, what about you?
412
00:16:49,830 --> 00:16:51,230
No way in hell.
413
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:52,660
What about you kids?
414
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,220
Are you pumped up
to beat Scotty Boom?
415
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,030
Happiness is an illusion.
416
00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:58,390
What she said.
417
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,630
Looks like the Simpsons
are playing
418
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,405
mind games with you, Scotty.
419
00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:03,200
Are you feeling the pressure?
420
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:04,640
No pressure.
421
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,880
I'm throwing down
the taste of New York.
422
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,210
My recipe's infused with
Times Square, the Bronx Zoo
423
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,510
and the Sex and the City
walking tour.
424
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,320
The Simpsons better
bring their A game.
425
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,490
HOMER:
F! F game!
426
00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:21,260
I call this my
Never-Give-Up Brisket.
427
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:25,330
The secret ingredient is hope.
428
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,330
Mm?
429
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,330
(spits)
430
00:17:28,330 --> 00:17:30,570
How many spices
did you put in this?
431
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:32,200
All of them.
432
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,260
(all groaning)
433
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:38,510
(audience oohing)
434
00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:42,180
I've never seen such
unusual grill marks.
435
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:45,280
This pattern looks
like a honeycomb.
436
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,670
What?
437
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,910
That meat was cooked
on the Hive!
438
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,350
This garlic-sucking tunnel trash
stole our smoker!
439
00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:54,020
Ah, this little flyover's crazy.
440
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,750
I cooked that meat myself
right here over here.
441
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,200
The grill marks don't match.
442
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,600
Dead meat doesn't lie.
443
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,370
(audience gasping)
444
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:07,400
(gasping)
445
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,560
Scotty Boom, you are
hereby banned
446
00:18:09,570 --> 00:18:11,370
from the Chew Network.
447
00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,800
You are no longer
a celebrity chef.
448
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,610
You're just a chef.
449
00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:16,940
Take him away, Chief.
450
00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:18,980
Grand theft smoker.
451
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:20,440
Sounds like a crime to me.
452
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,160
Apparently,
the winner of the Eat-down
453
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,160
is the Simpsons.
454
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,230
(cheering)
455
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:31,830
Isn't this a little too easy?
456
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:34,400
Why would a professional
chef cheat?
457
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,400
And how does Nelson fit in?
458
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,830
And where the heck
is our smoker?
459
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:41,830
("Take the A Train" by Duke
Ellington ringtone plays)
460
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,170
(phone beeps)
461
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:46,630
That's the ringtone
from the scrapyard!
462
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,070
LISA:
Get him!
463
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,770
Bones! Bones!
464
00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:55,580
I'm covered in death!
465
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:56,840
(gasps)
466
00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,820
My hoops!
467
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:02,420
Dad, stop him!
468
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:04,250
I'm done trying.
469
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,200
Dad, please!
No one's asking you to care.
470
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,200
Just trip a stranger!
471
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,270
(grumbles)
472
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:20,780
A kid?
473
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,345
Why'd you steal our smoker?
474
00:19:22,346 --> 00:19:24,270
Why'd you frame Scotty Boom?
475
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,220
'Cause he's my dad.
476
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,780
I'm Tyler Boom.
Huh?
477
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:31,980
My dad is so busy
shooting his TV shows
478
00:19:31,990 --> 00:19:33,890
and going to the openings
and closings
479
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,890
of his restaurants...
480
00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:37,550
I never see him.
481
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,460
You destroyed your Dad's career
482
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,660
so he'd spend
more time with you?
483
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,460
Aw...
484
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,000
I met this kid Nelson
485
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,140
playing Clash of Castles online.
486
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:49,670
You know, I knew my dad
was coming to your town,
487
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:52,500
so I hired Nelson
to take your smoker.
488
00:19:52,510 --> 00:19:55,080
And then my nanny
cooked some meat on it
489
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,580
and switched it so it looked
like my dad cheated.
490
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:01,010
This was the only way.
491
00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,420
The only way I thought of.
492
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:06,260
Son, why didn't you tell me
I was a terrible father?
493
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:07,860
Because I'm from New York.
494
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,330
We don't talk about
our feelings, huh?
495
00:20:09,330 --> 00:20:11,060
Yeah, I understand, son.
496
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,430
I'm from New York, too.
497
00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:13,860
FDR Drive.
498
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:16,090
The West Side Highway.
499
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,430
Investment banking.
500
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:19,060
The gallery scene.
501
00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:20,440
Knicks suck.
502
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,070
(crying):
Oh, Papa!
503
00:20:22,070 --> 00:20:23,860
They suck so hard!
504
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,430
One more thing, Tyler.
505
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,270
Where's the Hive?
506
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,580
(gasping)
507
00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:31,340
Oh...
508
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,250
(sizzling)
509
00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:39,180
You're always so much hotter
than I think you're gonna be.
510
00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:42,430
Thanks, guys, for not giving up,
then giving up,
511
00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:47,120
then not giving up again,
then I forget.
512
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,860
BBQ is like family...
513
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:51,460
The cheap cuts of meat
that nobody wants.
514
00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:52,900
But if you treat them right,
515
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,730
they turn into
the best thing in the world.
516
00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:57,940
Yeah, barbecue's yummy.
517
00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:00,140
Chinese is pretty good, too.
518
00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:01,600
Meh, it depends on the place.
519
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,560
♪ From the dusty mesa
520
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,460
♪ Her looming shadow grows
521
00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:24,660
♪ Hidden in the branches
522
00:21:24,670 --> 00:21:28,470
♪ Of the poison creosote
523
00:21:30,570 --> 00:21:34,670
♪ She twines
her spines up slowly ♪
524
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:38,250
♪ Towards the boiling sun
525
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:42,150
♪ And when I touched her skin
526
00:21:42,150 --> 00:21:46,480
♪ My fingers ran with blood.
527
00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:55,320
PIT MASTER:
I'm out of here.
528
00:21:58,170 --> 00:22:00,240
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH