1 00:00:08,023 --> 00:00:09,632 D'oh! 2 00:00:22,971 --> 00:00:24,341 Huh? 3 00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:26,214 Ay, caramba! 4 00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:30,215 ♪ The Simpsons 26x17 ♪ Waiting for Duffman Original Air Date on March 15, 2015 5 00:00:30,216 --> 00:00:36,716 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 6 00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:39,719 I haven't ridden a bike 7 00:00:39,753 --> 00:00:42,154 since Lance Armstrong was a good guy. 8 00:00:42,188 --> 00:00:45,230 Geez, Lis, you're riding the girliest bike in the world. 9 00:00:46,777 --> 00:00:48,649 Ooh, I stand corrected. 10 00:00:50,053 --> 00:00:52,020 Hey, dipwad, bikes only. 11 00:00:52,054 --> 00:00:54,653 I need to pay my water bill. 12 00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,661 Not on motorized transport, you don't. 13 00:00:56,695 --> 00:01:00,099 What you need to get is out of our way. 14 00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,340 Yeah, bikes win again! 15 00:01:02,872 --> 00:01:04,608 Trains win again! 16 00:01:04,642 --> 00:01:09,451 When will you people give up your dependence on handlebars? 17 00:01:09,485 --> 00:01:12,054 Quite a Schwinn-dig, eh? 18 00:01:12,095 --> 00:01:13,589 Shut up, biking Flanders. 19 00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:17,631 Chief, no, don't go in the doughnut shop! 20 00:01:17,665 --> 00:01:19,473 Your pants are too tight! 21 00:01:19,507 --> 00:01:21,515 Oh, I'm just gonna eat one little... 22 00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:30,600 Drinkers, if you go on the wagon, 23 00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:33,343 make sure it's the Duff Beer Wagon. 24 00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:35,416 Oh, yeah! 25 00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:39,617 Duffman, how about a 21-thrust salute 26 00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,225 to America's military? 27 00:01:41,259 --> 00:01:44,226 My hips are proud to honor our endless war. 28 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,626 One, two, three... 29 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:48,267 Ow, God! 30 00:01:48,302 --> 00:01:50,134 Something's wrong with Barry. 31 00:01:50,168 --> 00:01:52,809 Never use... my mortal name in public. 32 00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:56,247 I have very troubling news. 33 00:01:57,755 --> 00:02:00,556 Duffman is undergoing hip replacement surgery. 34 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:03,503 Now, Barry will be fine, but as of this moment 35 00:02:03,537 --> 00:02:05,336 there is no Duffman. 36 00:02:06,475 --> 00:02:08,074 They came for Joe Camel, 37 00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:09,480 and I said nothing. 38 00:02:09,514 --> 00:02:11,684 They came for the Frito Bandito, 39 00:02:11,725 --> 00:02:13,692 and still I said nothing. 40 00:02:13,726 --> 00:02:15,125 So what are you saying now? 41 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,527 About what? 42 00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:26,817 Duffman, the man, has retired. 43 00:02:26,851 --> 00:02:29,050 But Duffman, the idea, endures. 44 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,059 Authorities are unsure whether the empty bottles 45 00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:32,492 are a beautiful tribute 46 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,526 or just drunks too lazy to find a trash can. 47 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,799 Either way, the Duff Corporation announces 48 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,368 an open televised competition 49 00:02:38,402 --> 00:02:41,675 to find out who will be the next Duffman. 50 00:02:41,709 --> 00:02:44,308 In other news, the Chinese land on Mars. 51 00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:45,716 Also, no more elephants. 52 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,583 Now, for more cool, refreshing news... 53 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:53,760 Marge, what would you think if I tried out to be Duffman? 54 00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:55,761 I know why you want to be Duffman. 55 00:02:55,795 --> 00:02:59,867 It's so you can drink free beer and get shnockered all day. 56 00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:02,870 Sure, I admit I get "shnockered" once in a while. 57 00:03:02,912 --> 00:03:05,880 I might have been "lacquered" from time to time. 58 00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:09,281 I may have, how you say, had a subconjunctival hemorrhage. 59 00:03:14,432 --> 00:03:16,231 But this isn't about that. 60 00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:17,898 Then what is this about? 61 00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:21,307 Marge, if I died today, the obituary would read, 62 00:03:21,341 --> 00:03:25,309 "H. Simpson, father of three, extra pallbearers needed." 63 00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:28,581 Being Duffman would give me another line. 64 00:03:28,616 --> 00:03:30,750 Okay, sweetie, you can try. 65 00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:32,750 Great, but it won't be easy. 66 00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,759 I got to start practicing now. 67 00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:37,826 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ow! 68 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:47,941 Ladies and gentlemen, 69 00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:51,245 your hostess, the inescapable Cat Deeley. 70 00:03:51,279 --> 00:03:53,245 Are you ready to find out 71 00:03:53,279 --> 00:03:56,412 who will be America's next Duffman? 72 00:03:56,454 --> 00:03:57,419 Yes, Cat, yes! 73 00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,020 A million times, yes! 74 00:03:59,054 --> 00:04:01,653 America's next Duffman will be selected 75 00:04:01,687 --> 00:04:05,454 by the planet's foremost experts in the field of party starting-- 76 00:04:05,488 --> 00:04:07,988 best-selling electronica artist, 77 00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,586 Der Zip Zorp. 78 00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:13,793 Former Duff Girl and current senator from Oklahoma, 79 00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:15,793 the Honorable Missy LeBeau. 80 00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:18,759 I look reasonable, but I'm not. 81 00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:21,757 And billionaire Mumbai entrepreneur, 82 00:04:21,799 --> 00:04:23,364 Rajneesh Superstar. 83 00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:25,796 Bottle service, ballers! 84 00:04:28,364 --> 00:04:30,969 Now let's welcome the Chairman of Duff Industries, 85 00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:33,334 Mr. H.K. Duff VII. 86 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:36,966 Thank you, Cat. 87 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,608 I just want to say, 88 00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:41,009 if we can't find ourselves a Duffman out of this group, 89 00:04:41,043 --> 00:04:43,446 then maybe we'll just give up on the concept. 90 00:04:43,487 --> 00:04:44,655 Brilliant! 91 00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:47,392 Now, let's find our Duffman. 92 00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:50,128 ♪ I'm... coming up ♪ 93 00:04:50,162 --> 00:04:52,897 ♪ So you better get this party started ♪ 94 00:04:52,931 --> 00:04:57,372 ♪ I'm... coming up... ♪ 95 00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:59,004 Oh, yeah! 96 00:04:59,038 --> 00:05:01,844 My two favorite words aside from "Seacrest passed," 97 00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:03,372 can I get an "Oh, yeah"? 98 00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:06,949 Oh, ja. 99 00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:09,950 Oh, yes. 100 00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:12,852 Ach. 101 00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:14,555 Haw-haw. 102 00:05:14,589 --> 00:05:16,786 ♪ Vo-de-oh-doh-doh. ♪ 103 00:05:18,258 --> 00:05:20,287 Oh, yeah! 104 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,427 ♪ I'm... coming up ♪ 105 00:05:26,461 --> 00:05:30,592 ♪ So you better get this party started ♪ 106 00:05:30,626 --> 00:05:33,527 ♪ I'm... coming up ♪ 107 00:05:33,561 --> 00:05:34,760 ♪ So you better get... ♪ 108 00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:36,896 Did you miss me? 109 00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:39,103 Like Mexico misses California. 110 00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,535 It's down to two. 111 00:05:40,569 --> 00:05:42,935 And before revealing our results, 112 00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:47,111 former Duffman, Barry Huffman, is here to wish you luck. 113 00:05:48,976 --> 00:05:51,941 I was told there would be morphine. 114 00:05:51,975 --> 00:05:53,812 Oh, yeah. 115 00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:59,347 Homer, any last thoughts on what Duff means to you? 116 00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:01,348 Without Duff, I wouldn't have have brought 117 00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,956 three beautiful children into the world. 118 00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:04,956 That's right, man. 119 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:05,956 We're beer babies. 120 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,385 Aw... 121 00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:10,852 The judges are conferring. 122 00:06:12,892 --> 00:06:15,456 We have our decision. 123 00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:17,486 Karma is in the house, dawg! 124 00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:23,553 Homer, your words were beautiful. 125 00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:25,563 That is exactly why 126 00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:29,195 you're America's Next Top Duffman... 127 00:06:29,229 --> 00:06:30,194 runner-up! 128 00:06:32,835 --> 00:06:36,800 The real winner is America's new hero-- 129 00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,800 contestant number 12! 130 00:06:51,282 --> 00:06:52,682 What is it, Der Zip Zorp? 131 00:06:55,461 --> 00:06:57,259 Olde Ogdenville Ale? 132 00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,660 He drinks a competitor. 133 00:06:58,694 --> 00:06:59,694 Reverse the confetti. 134 00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:02,930 And check the fat guy for tattoos. 135 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,328 Just one that says "Marge Madness." 136 00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:09,998 These reality shows really leave you no privacy. 137 00:07:10,032 --> 00:07:12,834 Well, I guess that makes this guy Duffman. 138 00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:15,129 Ooh, ooh, ooh, do I get the confetti?! 139 00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:16,505 One confettus. 140 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:19,471 Ow! 141 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:20,471 I mean... 142 00:07:20,505 --> 00:07:21,935 I mean, oh, yeah! 143 00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:29,906 ♪ ♪ 144 00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:02,398 That's how we'll tell the trades you got the job. 145 00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,396 Seems awfully overproduced. 146 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:05,835 Just take the oath. 147 00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:12,000 Night gathers, and now my Duff watch begins. 148 00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:13,999 It shall not end until my death. 149 00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:16,733 Or my 13-week option is not picked up. 150 00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:20,473 I shall take no wife, hold no lands, and father no children, 151 00:08:20,507 --> 00:08:23,135 except for the wife and house and kids I'm already stuck with. 152 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:26,570 I shall wear no other beer's crowns. 153 00:08:26,604 --> 00:08:30,164 I am the six-pack hidden in Daddy's secret cabinet. 154 00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:32,600 I put the "fest" in Oktoberfest 155 00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:35,227 and sell for eight bucks at ballparks, 156 00:08:35,261 --> 00:08:39,064 though I have nothing to offer but my suds, head and beers, 157 00:08:39,098 --> 00:08:41,065 and promotional cozies, 158 00:08:41,099 --> 00:08:44,107 for this night and all the nights to come. 159 00:08:52,313 --> 00:08:55,275 When life looks hopeless, it's not. 160 00:08:55,309 --> 00:08:59,681 ♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪ 161 00:08:59,715 --> 00:09:03,682 ♪ Made from Canadian rain ♪ 162 00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:07,780 ♪ Tastes like nickel champagne ♪ 163 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:11,984 ♪ It will tickle your brain ♪ 164 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,988 ♪ Duff Beer, feeling no pain ♪ 165 00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:19,630 ♪ Made from Canadian rain. ♪ 166 00:09:19,664 --> 00:09:23,263 And here's a painting of my ancestor Ichabod Duff, 167 00:09:23,304 --> 00:09:25,670 crossing the Duffaware River. 168 00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:27,500 Ah, hell, this is all BS. 169 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,139 Duffman was a fascist icon my grandfather repurposed 170 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:32,768 'cause he couldn't get the damn rights to Woody Woodpecker. 171 00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:35,367 Mr. Duff, can I ask what's in this safe? 172 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,804 Little lady, inside that safe is the formula for Duff itself, 173 00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,802 known only to three people-- 174 00:09:40,836 --> 00:09:44,437 me, Condoleezza Rice, and my brother-in-law Terry. 175 00:09:44,471 --> 00:09:47,431 And the combination is not known to any human... 176 00:09:47,465 --> 00:09:49,028 Uh, what the...? 177 00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:51,032 "Schlitz plus water." 178 00:09:51,066 --> 00:09:53,660 Why don't you kids run off and play in the bottle cap pit? 179 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,657 Don't cut yourselves! 180 00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:57,927 Mr. Duff, I want to say something. 181 00:09:57,961 --> 00:09:59,924 I'm proud of my husband, 182 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,963 but I'm not sure if this is something Homie should be doing. 183 00:10:02,997 --> 00:10:04,827 Just what do you mean? 184 00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:07,466 Well, aren't you making him a superhero 185 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,465 so that beer looks cool to kids? 186 00:10:12,138 --> 00:10:13,503 Uh, Marge, 187 00:10:13,537 --> 00:10:15,639 let me tell you a little something about beer. 188 00:10:15,673 --> 00:10:18,271 Do you know why man stopped running around, 189 00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,940 lassoing mastodons, and became civilized? 190 00:10:20,974 --> 00:10:22,139 No. 191 00:10:22,173 --> 00:10:24,538 So he could grow hops and make beer. 192 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,513 It's true. Oh. 193 00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:29,144 Our beer has helped people celebrate weddings. 194 00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:30,543 Enjoy a good game. 195 00:10:30,577 --> 00:10:32,540 Ease the pain of a lost loved one. 196 00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:35,543 That's the tradition your husband will inherit. 197 00:10:35,577 --> 00:10:38,175 Geez, now you make me want to drink it. 198 00:10:38,217 --> 00:10:40,615 Attagirl, have a designer bag. 199 00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:44,018 Now, Homer, there is one thing we needed to do in private. 200 00:10:44,052 --> 00:10:45,052 Okay, what...? 201 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,061 Ow! 202 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,463 Hey, that's not my butt! 203 00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:49,066 We've injected a chip in you 204 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,499 that detects the slightest presence 205 00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:52,142 of alcohol in your blood. 206 00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:54,480 You see, Duffman cannot drink. 207 00:10:54,514 --> 00:10:57,543 What? That's funny. 208 00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:59,984 I thought you just said that Duffman can't drink. 209 00:11:01,419 --> 00:11:03,016 But that would be crazy. 210 00:11:03,058 --> 00:11:04,752 They all fight it at first. 211 00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:09,893 You wouldn't tell Batman he couldn't eat bats. 212 00:11:09,927 --> 00:11:12,092 When you're Duffman, you're at work, Homer. 213 00:11:12,126 --> 00:11:15,195 You wouldn't go to the nuclear plant drunk, would you? 214 00:11:15,229 --> 00:11:17,193 Uh... 215 00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:19,032 Well, uh... 216 00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:21,863 My husband won't have any problem not drinking. 217 00:11:21,897 --> 00:11:23,493 Yeah... 218 00:11:23,535 --> 00:11:25,496 The only reason he wanted to become Duffman 219 00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:27,320 was to be respected and beloved. 220 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,146 Uh... 221 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,981 And what better way to do that than to be stone-cold sober? 222 00:11:34,415 --> 00:11:36,387 When my husband put on that costume, 223 00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,386 he didn't just put on a sleeveless shirt 224 00:11:38,419 --> 00:11:42,016 that says "Duff" on it and a cape for some reason, 225 00:11:42,058 --> 00:11:44,027 he put on responsibility. 226 00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:47,428 And boots that I don't think will hold up in the rain. 227 00:11:47,462 --> 00:11:50,267 But the point is-- it's not about being drunk, 228 00:11:50,301 --> 00:11:52,900 it's about being someone. 229 00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:54,900 You're right, Marge. 230 00:11:54,941 --> 00:11:59,539 I will do something no one has ever done-- be fun sober. 231 00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:01,976 What a crisp and refreshing attitude. 232 00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:07,144 Hey, this stuff is pretty good. 233 00:12:11,116 --> 00:12:13,122 Mmm, foamy Marge. 234 00:12:16,325 --> 00:12:17,723 Uh, that's the chip. 235 00:12:17,757 --> 00:12:18,891 No drinking. 236 00:12:18,925 --> 00:12:21,730 I was licking my wife. 237 00:12:21,764 --> 00:12:24,731 Can you believe they put a chip in my arm, 238 00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:26,130 and I can't drink beer? 239 00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:28,370 Ah. Ah, gee, tough break. 240 00:12:28,404 --> 00:12:30,371 Maybe Moe could dig it out with a corkscrew. 241 00:12:30,405 --> 00:12:31,769 Yeah. 242 00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,608 Oh, I would love that, Homer, I really would. 243 00:12:33,642 --> 00:12:36,039 But then Duff might take away my neon sign, 244 00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,439 and, uh, it's the only thing lighting the bar. 245 00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,246 Whoa, creepy. 246 00:12:43,677 --> 00:12:46,315 Stop shooting those at each other. 247 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,787 Relax, honey, no one's ever been killed by a T-shirt cannon. 248 00:12:57,999 --> 00:13:01,962 Oh, no, it's the 5:00 blahs. 249 00:13:01,996 --> 00:13:04,958 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 250 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:07,429 Help us, Duffman! 251 00:13:09,463 --> 00:13:11,429 Drink Duff! 252 00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:15,327 Care to team up with Fruit Batman? 253 00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:18,428 I'm thinking of dumping Kid Sourpuss here. 254 00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,627 I'm a hero. 255 00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:22,299 Oh, I can see my obituary now. 256 00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:25,938 Wow. Wow. 257 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,141 Watkins putting for the championship. 258 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,582 It's breaking towards the hole. 259 00:13:32,616 --> 00:13:36,181 Time to move from the links to the drinks! 260 00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:49,663 Well, if you guys like commercials, 261 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:51,306 you're gonna love this. 262 00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,771 Wait, we never said we liked commercials. 263 00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,475 ♪ Drink, drink ♪ 264 00:13:55,509 --> 00:13:57,347 ♪ Let the toast start ♪ 265 00:13:57,381 --> 00:14:00,042 ♪ May young hearts never part ♪ 266 00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:02,144 ♪ Drink, drink, drink ♪ 267 00:14:02,178 --> 00:14:05,048 ♪ Let every true lover salute his sweetheart... ♪ 268 00:14:05,082 --> 00:14:08,820 ♪ Drink, drink, drink to... ♪ 269 00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:14,063 H.K., this new Duffman is driving sales straight up. 270 00:14:14,097 --> 00:14:16,303 Turns out, men like men who look worse than them 271 00:14:16,337 --> 00:14:17,902 selling them beer. 272 00:14:17,937 --> 00:14:21,574 Why did it take us 142 years to discover this? 273 00:14:21,608 --> 00:14:24,237 Because executives are incompetent, sir? 274 00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:26,172 Well, then why do I have so many? 275 00:14:26,206 --> 00:14:28,811 Studies show when a decision is made by a group, 276 00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:30,411 everyone feels more confident, 277 00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:32,841 even though the decision could be incredibly stupid. 278 00:14:32,883 --> 00:14:34,049 Is this true? 279 00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:36,680 Can't argue with that. 280 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:37,716 What do you guys think? 281 00:14:39,726 --> 00:14:42,524 Did I hear a no from section C-72? 282 00:14:42,558 --> 00:14:45,152 Oh, uh, no, that was a, uh, "whoa!" 283 00:14:45,193 --> 00:14:46,559 Oh. 284 00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:48,221 Give the whole lower bowl a raise. 285 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,687 Uh, welcome aboard, Duffman. 286 00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:54,686 Fair warning now-- at the end, 287 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,690 I just might ask for an autograph for my son. 288 00:14:57,724 --> 00:14:59,521 Here you go-- they're all pre-signed. 289 00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:00,519 With nicknames. 290 00:15:00,553 --> 00:15:02,852 Buddy, Sport, Tiger, Red. 291 00:15:02,886 --> 00:15:04,490 Uh, give me a "Red." 292 00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:05,889 I'll start calling him that now, 293 00:15:05,923 --> 00:15:07,889 and then give it to him on his birthday. 294 00:15:07,922 --> 00:15:09,888 Now, where to, sir? 295 00:15:09,922 --> 00:15:11,528 Oh, this is a romantic night. 296 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,160 How about everywhere? 297 00:15:13,194 --> 00:15:14,561 All right. 298 00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:17,201 Navigator, set a course for everywhere. 299 00:15:17,235 --> 00:15:18,369 Where the hell is that? 300 00:15:18,403 --> 00:15:19,968 I said everywhere! 301 00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:23,702 Now, Homer, look through the beeriscope, 302 00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:25,704 and gaze upon the wonderful world 303 00:15:25,738 --> 00:15:28,242 that you and Duff have created. 304 00:15:43,791 --> 00:15:46,386 Captain, it never dawned on me 305 00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:48,385 beer could have such a dark side. 306 00:15:48,427 --> 00:15:51,119 You must be talking about new Duff Stout. 307 00:15:51,161 --> 00:15:52,126 Take us down. 308 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,758 I have to think. 309 00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:56,389 To be honest, you said you wanted to go everywhere. 310 00:15:56,431 --> 00:15:59,028 So we ran out of fuel an hour ago, 311 00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:01,027 but I didn't want to disappoint you, 312 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,594 so I will toss down a tow rope. 313 00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:08,903 Hey, come here. Man... 314 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,474 Uh... this is not good. 315 00:16:14,757 --> 00:16:16,355 Marge, do you ever worry 316 00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:19,260 that you made a giant mistake in your life? 317 00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:21,259 Oh, um... 318 00:16:21,293 --> 00:16:23,025 I need a little context. 319 00:16:23,059 --> 00:16:26,031 Not drinking beer has given me the clearness of mind 320 00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:29,029 to realize drinking beer is bad. 321 00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:31,099 I've got to undo what I've done. 322 00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,232 Hey, how you doing? 323 00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:41,099 Is this the most outrageous party you've ever been to? 324 00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:44,568 Well, guess what. 325 00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:48,427 You've all been served nothing but nonalcoholic Duff. 326 00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:52,765 Then why am I throwing up right now? 327 00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:54,427 As Duffman, I had the power 328 00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:57,095 to switch the beer trucks working this race. 329 00:17:04,301 --> 00:17:07,901 So you see, you don't need beer to have a good time. 330 00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:10,540 Join Duffman today in saying, 331 00:17:10,574 --> 00:17:14,738 "I've had enough of that life-ruining Duff!" 332 00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:16,746 Why the hell did you do this? 333 00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,378 Because Duffman is a hero. 334 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:21,209 And with great taste comes great responsibility. 335 00:17:21,251 --> 00:17:23,982 Well, "hero," here come your fans. 336 00:17:27,182 --> 00:17:29,221 So long, suckers! 337 00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,728 What the...?! 338 00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:38,329 So long, suckers! 339 00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:42,137 What the...?! 340 00:17:42,171 --> 00:17:43,569 It's a circle. 341 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:45,738 So the answer is-- go in reverse. 342 00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,338 So long, suckers. 343 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:49,746 What the...?! 344 00:17:49,780 --> 00:17:51,748 I'm not sure how many more times 345 00:17:51,782 --> 00:17:54,749 we can watch Dad chased down by an angry crowd 346 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,588 before it affects us psychologically. 347 00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:58,588 As a family therapist, I can assure you 348 00:17:58,622 --> 00:18:00,863 that you have all the coping skills you need. 349 00:18:00,897 --> 00:18:03,099 Why is Lisa talking to an empty seat? 350 00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:05,100 See you next Tuesday, Dr. Schulman. 351 00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:06,134 Oh, right. 352 00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:07,868 You're in Maui. 353 00:18:08,975 --> 00:18:10,448 Hey, my beer. 354 00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:18,721 Get him back in uniform. 355 00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,258 Hmm. 356 00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:23,658 Homer, now, listen to me. 357 00:18:23,692 --> 00:18:26,100 You're in a stadium surrounded by people 358 00:18:26,134 --> 00:18:27,500 who want to kill you. 359 00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:29,636 They don't have the guts. 360 00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:31,063 Ow. 361 00:18:31,097 --> 00:18:33,459 Now, there's one way out of your hell. 362 00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,897 Prove you still love beer. 363 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,897 Drink this with gusto. 364 00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:39,432 B-But the chip. 365 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:40,767 There never was a chip. 366 00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:43,000 It was all the power of suggestion. 367 00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:44,438 You tricked me! 368 00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,835 And I trusted you after you snuck up 369 00:18:46,869 --> 00:18:49,466 and injected me without my consent. 370 00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,474 Just drink the beer, pretty boy. 371 00:18:51,508 --> 00:18:54,778 Whatever you do, you'll be my hero. 372 00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:58,178 Now you're pushing it. 373 00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:02,018 Homie, it's time to go. 374 00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:03,450 Come on, come on. 375 00:19:03,484 --> 00:19:05,489 Give me the beer inside you! 376 00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:11,932 This place seems even sadder than before. 377 00:19:11,966 --> 00:19:13,933 Uh, yeah, well, I kind of gloomed it up a little 378 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:14,967 while you were gone. 379 00:19:16,168 --> 00:19:18,302 Nothing to see here, sunshine. 380 00:19:19,737 --> 00:19:22,709 H-Hey, y-you used to be Duffman. 381 00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:24,340 Can I get a picture with you? 382 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,778 I finally made it. 383 00:19:26,812 --> 00:19:28,707 I'm a has-been. 384 00:19:28,749 --> 00:19:30,716 Yeah, I guess you're right. 385 00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,749 Ah, let's make it official, eh? 386 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,957 Aw... 387 00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,242 Oh, yeah. 388 00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:44,241 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 389 00:19:44,275 --> 00:19:46,649 Sir, may I interest you in a French hazelnut latte 390 00:19:46,683 --> 00:19:48,281 and an Iggy Azalea CD? 391 00:19:48,315 --> 00:19:50,679 I'm not here for three-buck coffee. 392 00:19:50,713 --> 00:19:53,685 I'm here to ask you to be Duffman again. 393 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,516 And to use the bathroom. 394 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,147 I don't know what you're talking about, sir. 395 00:19:57,189 --> 00:19:59,983 Fine, can you tell me where your travel mugs are? 396 00:20:00,017 --> 00:20:01,183 Yeah, over there. 397 00:20:01,217 --> 00:20:04,022 Come on, Barry, I know it's you. 398 00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:06,452 Sorry, H.K., I traded in my beer goggles 399 00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:08,252 for coffee-grinding pince-Nez. 400 00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:11,090 Are you telling me you don't miss the big time? 401 00:20:11,124 --> 00:20:13,689 The girls on the side, the corporate jet? 402 00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:16,256 There's talk of an animated series. 403 00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:19,865 Duffman would like a job where he could phone it in. 404 00:20:19,899 --> 00:20:22,168 You just called yourself Duffman. 405 00:20:22,202 --> 00:20:25,164 Duffman never took off his tights! 406 00:20:25,198 --> 00:20:26,963 Let's go, girls! 407 00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,105 But we're managers here. 408 00:20:29,105 --> 00:20:32,315 They learned the register better than me! Oh, yeah! 409 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,281 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 410 00:20:37,534 --> 00:20:40,880 I see it as kind of a-a triumph of-of doing your work 411 00:20:40,881 --> 00:20:43,183 from that very pure place 412 00:20:43,217 --> 00:20:47,746 of-of just doing stuff that you, uh, personally enjoy. 413 00:21:33,477 --> 00:21:35,473 Shh!