1 00:00:09,037 --> 00:00:11,897 Chief, there's a sniper down in the warehouse district! 2 00:00:11,939 --> 00:00:13,734 Let's roll! Sniper? 3 00:00:13,768 --> 00:00:16,753 Ah, um, well, you know how I love to roll, 4 00:00:16,787 --> 00:00:20,403 but, uh, my wife ordered a new dust ruffle for our bedroom, 5 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,583 and, uh, she had it shipped to the station. 6 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:24,592 If I'm not here to sign for it, they'll take it back 7 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,652 to the package place, and that is a whole nightmare. 8 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,558 Love you guys. 9 00:00:34,596 --> 00:00:38,596 ♪ The Simpsons 26x16 ♪ Sky Police Original Air Date on March 8, 2015 10 00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:42,097 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 11 00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:50,757 Uh, yeah, I got a delivery here for, uh, Clancy Wiggins. 12 00:00:50,791 --> 00:00:51,791 "Wiggins"? 13 00:00:51,795 --> 00:00:53,198 N-N-No, it's Wiggum. 14 00:00:53,232 --> 00:00:55,045 Wiggins? That's not even a real name. 15 00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:56,079 What's a Wiggins? 16 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,080 No, really, tell me. 17 00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,281 Wh-What is that? 18 00:00:58,315 --> 00:01:00,718 Okay, so you're not Clancy Wiggins 19 00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:04,547 who ordered this, uh, Skymaster X5000 Jet Pack. 20 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:06,961 Jet pack? 21 00:01:06,995 --> 00:01:08,795 Of course I'm Clancy Wiggins, you idiot! 22 00:01:08,829 --> 00:01:11,272 "Chief Clancy... Jetpack." 23 00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:15,676 Wow. 24 00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:18,012 Well, boys, justice has a new name-- 25 00:01:18,046 --> 00:01:19,445 up. 26 00:01:19,487 --> 00:01:20,860 Uh, Chief, it says here 27 00:01:20,894 --> 00:01:22,861 you need to take a 40-hour training course 28 00:01:22,895 --> 00:01:24,894 and get certified before you can legally... 29 00:01:26,905 --> 00:01:29,307 I'm not the police anymore. 30 00:01:29,341 --> 00:01:31,311 I'm the Sky Police. 31 00:01:33,356 --> 00:01:34,724 Okay, okay. 32 00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:36,193 I think I got it. 33 00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:46,563 No, I got it, I got it. 34 00:01:46,597 --> 00:01:49,075 ♪ Sky Police ♪ 35 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,277 ♪ Chief Clancy Wiggins is the Sky Police ♪ 36 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:54,216 ♪ A floating future cop, Sky Police ♪ 37 00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,217 ♪ Fly, police ♪ 38 00:01:56,259 --> 00:01:57,786 ♪ Squash perps on their heads ♪ 39 00:01:57,828 --> 00:01:59,396 ♪ They won't know why they're dead ♪ 40 00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:01,264 ♪ Sky Police ♪ 41 00:02:01,298 --> 00:02:05,305 ♪ In my jet pack, I'm flying high above the law ♪ 42 00:02:05,339 --> 00:02:07,872 ♪ I'm just like Superman ♪ 43 00:02:07,906 --> 00:02:09,440 ♪ Powered by great big fans ♪ 44 00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:10,871 ♪ I'll kill you all ♪ 45 00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:12,846 ♪ I'm Sky Police. ♪ 46 00:02:14,252 --> 00:02:17,052 Ugh, why don't you take that thing off, Chief? 47 00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:18,456 It's starting to smell. 48 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,902 What, so you can steal it and be Sky Police? 49 00:02:20,936 --> 00:02:22,399 Oh, no. No way. 50 00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:26,175 I'm Brigadier General Clancy Wiggins. 51 00:02:26,209 --> 00:02:28,811 Apparently a military-issue jet pack 52 00:02:28,845 --> 00:02:30,816 was mistakenly delivered here 53 00:02:30,858 --> 00:02:33,858 while I received this off-brand dust ruffle. 54 00:02:33,893 --> 00:02:35,933 Um... 55 00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:37,167 oh. 56 00:02:37,201 --> 00:02:39,704 Well, there's only one floating future cop 57 00:02:39,738 --> 00:02:41,537 who can find that missing jet pack-- 58 00:02:41,571 --> 00:02:43,176 the Sky Police. 59 00:02:50,225 --> 00:02:55,025 ♪ This is the end of Sky Police. ♪ 60 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,604 You were the wind beneath my ass. 61 00:03:13,103 --> 00:03:14,701 Stupid church. 62 00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:16,700 Why would Jesus want us to waste our weekend 63 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:19,108 on extra boring, no-recess, dress-up school? 64 00:03:19,142 --> 00:03:20,540 Exactly. 65 00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:22,171 The dude was a carpenter. 66 00:03:22,205 --> 00:03:24,779 And those guys like to kick back on Sundays. 67 00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,215 And I mean kick back. 68 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:30,217 Guys, church is good for your souls. 69 00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:33,163 And remember, God is listening to your prayers. 70 00:03:33,197 --> 00:03:35,532 What percentage of prayers really come true? 71 00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:37,932 Well, not all of them. 72 00:03:37,966 --> 00:03:40,406 Like, um, 90%? 73 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,935 God doesn't hear my prayers. 74 00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:44,375 If he did, I'd be at home on the couch playing video games 75 00:03:44,409 --> 00:03:46,247 in a diaper. 76 00:03:46,281 --> 00:03:47,910 Oh, God gets your prayers, 77 00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:49,910 but he just clicks delete without reading them, 78 00:03:49,944 --> 00:03:52,446 like e-mail updates from LinkedIn. 79 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,289 I hope no one was hurt. 80 00:03:56,324 --> 00:03:58,291 So no church? 81 00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,333 My prayers were answered. 82 00:04:05,272 --> 00:04:06,974 Boom. 83 00:04:07,008 --> 00:04:09,976 Don't worry, Reverend, according to your policy, 84 00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:13,577 your church is covered for everything but acts of God. 85 00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:15,080 But we believe 86 00:04:15,114 --> 00:04:18,085 everything that happens everywhere is an act of God. 87 00:04:18,119 --> 00:04:20,181 My jiminy, you're right! 88 00:04:20,215 --> 00:04:22,284 We're off the hook! Hey! 89 00:04:22,318 --> 00:04:24,286 Those Cornell men at the head office are gonna 90 00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:26,696 be doing the Saluki Strut tonight! 91 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,697 Go Southern Illinois! 92 00:04:28,731 --> 00:04:30,730 Saluki Strut! 93 00:04:35,879 --> 00:04:39,278 So we have no money to repair the church. 94 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,015 And developers are itching to build on our land. 95 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,455 Fast-casual dining downstairs, 96 00:04:44,489 --> 00:04:46,054 live-work lofts upstairs, 97 00:04:46,088 --> 00:04:47,990 and as an anchor store-- 98 00:04:48,024 --> 00:04:49,991 a chain pharmacy. 99 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,629 Why, it's a mixed-use nightmare! 100 00:04:53,663 --> 00:04:56,628 This building is the heart of our community. 101 00:04:56,662 --> 00:04:59,628 We have our weddings here, our funerals. 102 00:04:59,662 --> 00:05:02,636 Our fun runs begin and end here. 103 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,202 I will not rest until it is rebuilt. 104 00:05:05,236 --> 00:05:07,033 I can't believe it, 105 00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:10,439 but the church is going to have to ask people for money. 106 00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:17,973 Who keeps putting pickle slices in here? 107 00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:20,908 I think I can help you get the money that you need. 108 00:05:20,942 --> 00:05:22,748 But you don't go to our church. 109 00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:25,180 Granted, I do not share your faith, 110 00:05:25,214 --> 00:05:28,186 but the yahoos in this town need a church 111 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:31,816 to deliver weekly reminders not to steal-- from me. 112 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,150 And not to take a life-- my life. 113 00:05:34,184 --> 00:05:36,147 Yar, without organized religion, 114 00:05:36,189 --> 00:05:37,754 I've lost me moral compass. 115 00:05:37,788 --> 00:05:40,654 Also I've, uh, I've been addicted to Oxy 116 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:43,220 for a while now... yar. 117 00:05:43,254 --> 00:05:45,217 Yar. 118 00:05:45,251 --> 00:05:47,414 Now, this is what I have got in mind. 119 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,854 I will whisper even though we are alone. 120 00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:52,823 All right, people, Marge has brought this heathen 121 00:05:52,857 --> 00:05:55,559 to aid us in our time of need. 122 00:05:55,593 --> 00:05:57,158 Please do not call me a heathen. 123 00:05:57,192 --> 00:05:59,997 It offends Hanuman, the monkey-headed lord of winds, 124 00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:02,996 who believed the sun to be a ripe mango... 125 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,932 Okay, I get it, I get why you say it. 126 00:06:04,966 --> 00:06:07,364 Apu thinks we can get the money 127 00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:10,068 at the casino playing blackjack. 128 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,506 The casino?! 129 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,404 Blackjack's for suckers. 130 00:06:14,445 --> 00:06:15,710 My brother? 131 00:06:15,744 --> 00:06:18,414 He used to own three Arby's franchises. 132 00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:20,411 Lost 'em all at the tables 133 00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:23,419 and gave himself a shotgun tonsillectomy. 134 00:06:23,453 --> 00:06:26,419 But you told me Uncle Stevie moved to Okinawa. 135 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:30,019 What I told you was to wait in the car. 136 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,025 No, no, you can beat the house. 137 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,425 By counting cards. 138 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:34,962 I myself have done it-- 139 00:06:34,996 --> 00:06:37,099 when I was a student at MIT, 140 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:40,698 the Mumbai Institute of Tantric Sex, 141 00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:43,203 where I was recruited by a card-counting ring. 142 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,708 I won enough money to buy fake SAT scores 143 00:06:45,742 --> 00:06:47,908 I used to get into the real MIT, 144 00:06:47,942 --> 00:06:50,709 where I failed every class and was kicked out 145 00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,445 and had to move to Springfield. 146 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,479 Mm-hmm. Mmm. 147 00:06:53,487 --> 00:06:54,749 Am I hearing this right? 148 00:06:54,783 --> 00:06:57,885 Is the church council truly considering gambling? 149 00:06:57,919 --> 00:06:59,389 You know, Ned, 150 00:06:59,423 --> 00:07:02,388 the Bible never explicitly condemns gambling. 151 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,827 Biblical folks were always playing games of chance, 152 00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:08,256 like, uh, drawing lots. 153 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,463 Leviticus drew lots. 154 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,096 Joshua drew lots, Nehemiah. 155 00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:14,097 Even the apostles were lot-drawers. 156 00:07:14,131 --> 00:07:16,098 If gambling's okay, 157 00:07:16,139 --> 00:07:18,636 then I'm getting health insurance for the kids. 158 00:07:18,678 --> 00:07:20,077 Card counting is not gambling. 159 00:07:20,111 --> 00:07:21,277 It is math. 160 00:07:21,311 --> 00:07:23,108 And it's not even against the rules. 161 00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:24,947 Exactly. 162 00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:27,912 If you are caught, you cannot be charged with any crime. 163 00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,512 The worst they will do is beat you with a phone book 164 00:07:30,546 --> 00:07:31,817 or break some fingers. 165 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,817 But what is a little pain 166 00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:36,120 if your church is to be saved? 167 00:07:36,154 --> 00:07:38,055 It is all good. 168 00:07:39,629 --> 00:07:42,259 Counting cards requires absolute focus. 169 00:07:42,301 --> 00:07:45,266 You must ignore all casino distractions. 170 00:07:49,945 --> 00:07:51,913 And beware of cocktail waitresses 171 00:07:51,947 --> 00:07:54,379 with free drinks and eyeball-height cleavage. 172 00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:57,588 They're not attractive, but you cannot look away. 173 00:07:57,622 --> 00:07:58,754 Freshen your drink, hon? 174 00:07:58,789 --> 00:08:00,218 Who had the Scotch and soda? 175 00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:02,123 Cocktails. Cocktails. 176 00:08:02,157 --> 00:08:04,228 Another one, hon? You, what is the count?! 177 00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:09,396 Get your head in the game, Mel! 178 00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:13,034 Now remember, for this legal- but-frowned-upon scheme to work, 179 00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,034 we must have complete secrecy. 180 00:08:15,069 --> 00:08:17,601 Do not tell anyone what you are doing. 181 00:08:17,643 --> 00:08:19,038 Not even Homer? 182 00:08:19,072 --> 00:08:20,972 Homer is many things 183 00:08:21,006 --> 00:08:22,941 but not a good accomplice. 184 00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:25,374 If he gets involved and this scheme fails, 185 00:08:25,408 --> 00:08:27,308 what happens to our church? 186 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,943 Oh, even I saw that. 187 00:08:36,985 --> 00:08:39,080 I guess I can't tell Homer. 188 00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:43,056 I'm leaving for my fund-raising meeting. 189 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,456 Don't wait up. 190 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:47,086 Why are you church-Os getting together so late? 191 00:08:47,128 --> 00:08:50,158 I'm asking because I'm supposed to care about things. 192 00:08:50,192 --> 00:08:53,165 Well, to raise money, we're... 193 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,932 putting on a revue. 194 00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:56,933 Well, you can't go wrong with a revue. 195 00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:58,334 Skits and songs? 196 00:08:59,608 --> 00:09:01,404 I'm entertained already. 197 00:09:01,438 --> 00:09:03,003 Yeah, so, uh... 198 00:09:03,037 --> 00:09:04,803 I'm going out to rehearse... 199 00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:05,803 the revue. 200 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,837 Go. 201 00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:07,811 Go make magic. 202 00:09:07,845 --> 00:09:08,811 You just go. 203 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,550 Revue. 204 00:09:21,964 --> 00:09:23,762 Card counting is simple. 205 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:26,171 All sit at different tables, betting low, 206 00:09:26,205 --> 00:09:27,803 playing hand after hand, 207 00:09:27,837 --> 00:09:30,373 counting in your head how many high cards 208 00:09:30,407 --> 00:09:32,312 are left in the deck. 209 00:09:33,618 --> 00:09:35,081 Ignore all distractions. 210 00:09:41,094 --> 00:09:43,997 When the count is high, you have a "hot deck," 211 00:09:44,031 --> 00:09:45,829 and the odds are in your favor. 212 00:09:45,863 --> 00:09:49,803 Then you use a secret signal to call in "the Closer." 213 00:09:49,837 --> 00:09:52,498 The Closer bets big, wins bigger, 214 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:56,369 and the casino never suspects that it has been the victim 215 00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:59,306 of a morally acceptable screw job. 216 00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:02,348 But use caution-- there are eyes everywhere. 217 00:10:02,383 --> 00:10:05,722 Sooner or later, the casino will catch on. 218 00:10:05,756 --> 00:10:09,199 And that is when you must flash the "get the hell out" signal. 219 00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:22,550 What a haul. 220 00:10:23,752 --> 00:10:24,718 Ooh. 221 00:10:24,752 --> 00:10:26,119 One more night like this, 222 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,592 and we'll be able to fix the church in style. 223 00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,202 What a rush-- it got my blood pumping 224 00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:34,804 in a way I thought only quiet reflection could. 225 00:10:34,838 --> 00:10:36,437 Fizzy water for everyone. 226 00:10:36,471 --> 00:10:40,449 I think we can do something a little harder than that. 227 00:10:42,557 --> 00:10:43,955 Mmm! 228 00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:48,355 Now, that's a marshmallow-y s'more-garita. 229 00:10:49,662 --> 00:10:52,828 Homer, Homer, we did it. 230 00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,966 Wh-What'd you do? 231 00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,969 We're going to save the church. 232 00:10:57,012 --> 00:10:59,477 I feel like celebrating. 233 00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:01,718 B-But... but it's not on the calendar. 234 00:11:03,019 --> 00:11:05,625 Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow, 235 00:11:05,659 --> 00:11:07,660 I get to tell everyone why. 236 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,103 Oh, boy, oh, boy. 237 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:13,472 1:00 a.m. loving and 2:00 a.m. steak? 238 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,779 Night-marriage rules! 239 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,549 I guess nothing gets the heart pumping 240 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:19,781 like a church revue. 241 00:11:19,815 --> 00:11:20,815 Huh? 242 00:11:20,816 --> 00:11:21,816 Oh, yeah. 243 00:11:21,824 --> 00:11:22,885 Yeah, yeah, the revue. 244 00:11:22,919 --> 00:11:24,885 Oh, I got so many questions. 245 00:11:24,919 --> 00:11:26,452 What are the skits about? 246 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,457 Uh, pop culture and current events. 247 00:11:29,491 --> 00:11:31,655 How do you transition between scenes? 248 00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,854 Hard blackouts or spotlight fades? 249 00:11:33,888 --> 00:11:36,062 Uh, both. Nice. 250 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,062 You know, it wouldn't be a revue without songs. 251 00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:39,462 Tell me about one. 252 00:11:39,496 --> 00:11:43,061 Okay, uh, there's a song about, um... 253 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:47,068 how Democrats and Republicans can't get along. 254 00:11:47,102 --> 00:11:49,897 It's called, "Cats and Dogs." 255 00:11:55,703 --> 00:11:57,070 Oh. 256 00:11:57,104 --> 00:11:59,373 You got yourself one hell of a show, Marge. 257 00:11:59,407 --> 00:12:01,875 One hell of a show. 258 00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:07,813 Okay, okay, don't get cocky, 259 00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:09,815 you rapture-waiting baby-baptizers. 260 00:12:09,857 --> 00:12:13,222 You had one good night, but now the casino is on to you. 261 00:12:13,256 --> 00:12:14,654 They're not going to let you 262 00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:17,759 anywhere near those blackjack tables, 263 00:12:17,793 --> 00:12:19,432 unless you wear these. 264 00:12:19,466 --> 00:12:20,865 Disguises? 265 00:12:20,899 --> 00:12:23,501 I'm worried our scam is becoming dishonest. 266 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,509 Relax, Marge. 267 00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:27,909 If God lets the Jews have Sunday on a Saturday, 268 00:12:27,943 --> 00:12:29,341 he'll be cool with this. 269 00:12:29,383 --> 00:12:31,348 Why, I bet the Lord is pleased as punch 270 00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:32,947 that we're using that dirty casino money 271 00:12:32,981 --> 00:12:34,580 to rebuild his temple. 272 00:12:34,614 --> 00:12:36,588 Our mission is 100% pure. 273 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,790 Where has this been all my life? 274 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:44,863 I could be Sideshow... anyone. 275 00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,235 I'm telling Mom about how the school freezer broke, 276 00:12:47,269 --> 00:12:49,067 and they had to cook all the Tater Tots, 277 00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:51,205 and the teachers took the extra Tots home in manila envelopes. 278 00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:52,205 I'm telling her! 279 00:12:52,247 --> 00:12:53,908 You never let me tell. 280 00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:55,612 Mom, the freezer broke and... 281 00:12:55,646 --> 00:12:56,844 Cooked all the Tater Tots, Cooked all the Tater Tots. 282 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:58,047 and there were too many Tots, Too many Tots. 283 00:12:58,089 --> 00:12:59,088 and there were manila envelopes, Manila envelopes. 284 00:12:59,122 --> 00:13:00,089 and the teachers took them home... 285 00:13:00,123 --> 00:13:01,089 I hate you! 286 00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:02,153 Okay, Mel. 287 00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:03,793 I'll be at the casino by 10:00. 288 00:13:03,827 --> 00:13:06,824 Meet me at the lounge by the J. Geils cover band. 289 00:13:08,129 --> 00:13:10,493 Mom, why are you going to a casino? 290 00:13:10,527 --> 00:13:13,162 Are you... a hostess? 291 00:13:13,197 --> 00:13:17,164 Actually, my friends and I are using a system 292 00:13:17,198 --> 00:13:19,637 to win money to save the church. 293 00:13:19,671 --> 00:13:22,144 I can't believe you're gambling. 294 00:13:22,179 --> 00:13:23,777 It's not gambling. 295 00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:24,975 It's math. 296 00:13:25,009 --> 00:13:26,613 Is Dad in on this takedown? 297 00:13:26,647 --> 00:13:28,614 It's not a takedown. 298 00:13:28,648 --> 00:13:31,014 And I haven't told him about it. Yet. 299 00:13:31,048 --> 00:13:33,456 But it's okay for you guys to know 300 00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:35,457 because you're finally grown-up enough 301 00:13:35,491 --> 00:13:38,624 to be trusted with adult information. 302 00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:40,262 Yeah, we are grown-up. 303 00:13:40,296 --> 00:13:42,263 I know how much to tip a waiter. 304 00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:43,664 I go on hikes with my friends 305 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,097 where we talk about our problems. 306 00:13:45,139 --> 00:13:46,937 I'll tell your dad everything 307 00:13:46,971 --> 00:13:48,536 in the morning when we have the money. 308 00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:50,535 But until then, I appreciate 309 00:13:50,569 --> 00:13:54,205 you keeping this very grown-up secret. 310 00:13:57,647 --> 00:14:00,112 ♪ ♪ 311 00:14:26,211 --> 00:14:28,008 Dump that money on the bed. 312 00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:30,047 I'm taking a Franklin bath. 313 00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:37,890 Yeah... 314 00:14:39,554 --> 00:14:41,919 Dear Lord, thank you for granting us the gift 315 00:14:41,961 --> 00:14:45,560 of rationalization to allow us to scheme and swindle 316 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:46,993 so that we might honor you. 317 00:14:47,035 --> 00:14:48,236 Amen. 318 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,574 Homie. 319 00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:51,208 Homie, I can finally tell you 320 00:14:51,242 --> 00:14:53,207 how we really got the money. 321 00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:54,606 Homie? 322 00:14:56,614 --> 00:14:58,012 Uh, Marge? 323 00:14:58,045 --> 00:14:59,674 Some casino guys have me, 324 00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,708 and they want the money you took from them or else. 325 00:15:02,713 --> 00:15:04,412 This is all my fault. 326 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,610 Just tell me one thing, Marge. 327 00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:09,070 Why did you lose faith in the revue? 328 00:15:09,111 --> 00:15:11,509 I mean, "Cats and Dogs" writes itself. 329 00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:14,105 ♪ Cats and dogs on Capitol Hill ♪ 330 00:15:14,139 --> 00:15:16,608 ♪ They don't get along and never will ♪ 331 00:15:16,642 --> 00:15:19,045 ♪ Cats and dogs, squabbles never ending ♪ 332 00:15:19,079 --> 00:15:24,399 ♪ Even with so much legislation pending. ♪ 333 00:15:24,772 --> 00:15:27,866 Homie, how did you end up at the casino? 334 00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:29,466 Well, I was taking a moment 335 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,507 to enjoy my after-dinner night cap... 336 00:15:33,541 --> 00:15:35,937 Dad, Mom trusted us with a secret. 337 00:15:35,979 --> 00:15:37,345 But she hasn't come home yet, 338 00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:39,146 and we're worried she's in trouble. 339 00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,546 What?! 340 00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,186 Mom's counting cards at the casino! 341 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,187 Oh, if anything happens to Marge, 342 00:15:45,221 --> 00:15:47,155 we'll all be orphans! 343 00:15:48,494 --> 00:15:50,389 I'm coming for you, baby. 344 00:15:50,431 --> 00:15:51,660 Have you seen this woman? 345 00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:52,660 Have you? 346 00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:53,892 Have you seen my wife? 347 00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:56,070 This is your wife? 348 00:15:56,104 --> 00:15:57,503 Do you know where she is? 349 00:15:57,538 --> 00:16:00,338 Uh, we'd like to ask you some questions 350 00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:01,749 in our "beating room." 351 00:16:01,783 --> 00:16:05,652 All right, as long as it's just questions. 352 00:16:05,686 --> 00:16:07,254 Reverend! Reverend! 353 00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,255 They took Homer! 354 00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:11,255 Why are you still dressed like that? 355 00:16:11,289 --> 00:16:13,692 Um, well... 356 00:16:13,725 --> 00:16:16,225 Oh, Asphodel... 357 00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,926 Your corpse bride is getting cold. 358 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,923 Uh, one second, Belladonna. 359 00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:22,555 Helen and I have found that, uh, 360 00:16:22,589 --> 00:16:25,488 these new personas have been quite liberating. 361 00:16:25,522 --> 00:16:27,487 Was that a woman's voice? 362 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,095 Send her in. 363 00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:33,660 If we don't give back the money we won counting cards, 364 00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:36,260 the casino people are going to hurt Homer. 365 00:16:36,302 --> 00:16:37,700 Okay, uh... 366 00:16:37,734 --> 00:16:39,332 Tiny snafu. 367 00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:42,339 I've already given the money to the contractor. 368 00:16:42,373 --> 00:16:44,338 Then we'll just have to ask that contractor 369 00:16:44,372 --> 00:16:45,738 to give the money back. 370 00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:48,777 Give the money back? 371 00:16:50,811 --> 00:16:53,777 Hey, Jerry, Th-they want the money back. 372 00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:56,785 La dama azul quiere devolver El dinero. 373 00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:03,292 Are you gonna put my head in a vice? 374 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,524 We don't do that-- we don't even have a vice. 375 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,730 We just want the money your wife stole from us. 376 00:17:08,764 --> 00:17:11,035 Stole? How is counting cards stealing? 377 00:17:11,069 --> 00:17:13,266 Well, it's not really stealing. 378 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,634 Is it even cheating? 379 00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:17,200 No, but it's just not allowed. 380 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:18,798 I don't get it. 381 00:17:18,832 --> 00:17:20,437 Football players can do the quarterback sneak 382 00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:22,436 and baseball players can steal bases. 383 00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:24,436 Why can't I just remember which cards have been played? 384 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:26,107 I can't take any more of this guy. 385 00:17:26,141 --> 00:17:27,107 Get the vice! 386 00:17:27,141 --> 00:17:28,539 I knew you had a vice. 387 00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:29,939 I knew it. 388 00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:31,579 I knew it. 389 00:17:31,613 --> 00:17:33,641 I... knew it. 390 00:17:35,114 --> 00:17:36,711 I'm sorry, Marge. 391 00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:40,317 Maybe your husband's suffering was all part of God's plan. 392 00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,084 God's plan? 393 00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:45,083 God isn't some video gamer up there controlling us 394 00:17:45,117 --> 00:17:47,912 like we were Pac-Men and Dig Dugs. 395 00:17:47,954 --> 00:17:50,118 God isn't Sky Police. 396 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,748 God didn't do this. 397 00:17:51,782 --> 00:17:53,588 I lied to my husband. 398 00:17:53,622 --> 00:17:55,418 And made my kids lie, too. 399 00:17:55,452 --> 00:17:56,751 We did this. 400 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,086 She's right. 401 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,055 We thought we could enter the den of sin 402 00:18:00,089 --> 00:18:01,054 and emerge unscathed, 403 00:18:01,088 --> 00:18:02,654 but we were scathed. 404 00:18:02,688 --> 00:18:05,293 Those free ginger ales at the casino, 405 00:18:05,327 --> 00:18:08,292 I-I didn't declare them on my taxes. 406 00:18:09,662 --> 00:18:11,060 I'm going to do 407 00:18:11,095 --> 00:18:13,460 what I should have done in the first place. 408 00:18:13,502 --> 00:18:16,129 Put on a revue? 409 00:18:18,835 --> 00:18:21,802 Dear Lord, I don't have anywhere to pray anymore, 410 00:18:21,836 --> 00:18:24,810 so I've come to your new temple-- here. 411 00:18:24,844 --> 00:18:27,812 Um, I don't know if you watch us all the time, 412 00:18:27,846 --> 00:18:30,811 or if we're just like an ant farm you got for your birthday 413 00:18:30,845 --> 00:18:33,450 and left on the shelf, and every once in a while, 414 00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:36,418 you check out what kind of crazy tunnels we've built. 415 00:18:36,452 --> 00:18:38,417 Maybe we got it all wrong, 416 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,024 praying for you to give us things we selfishly want. 417 00:18:41,058 --> 00:18:45,023 Maybe prayer is just taking a moment to tell yourself 418 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,295 that there is good in the universe. 419 00:18:47,329 --> 00:18:50,693 And I'm going to sit here and focus on that good, 420 00:18:50,727 --> 00:18:54,696 and maybe, just maybe, I'll get my husband back. 421 00:19:05,191 --> 00:19:06,597 I'm Doug Blattner, 422 00:19:06,631 --> 00:19:08,167 COO of the gaming and resorts division 423 00:19:08,201 --> 00:19:10,033 of Stuffers Italian Foods. 424 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,202 My family loves your microwave lasagnas. 425 00:19:13,244 --> 00:19:16,208 It's not my division, but I'll tell Bill Kelley you said so. 426 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,638 Your unsanctioned religious gathering has caused 427 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,047 a marked decrease in gambling activities. 428 00:19:21,081 --> 00:19:23,677 HPMs are down... that's hands per minute. 429 00:19:23,711 --> 00:19:27,114 IAMs, GDCs-- they're all down. 430 00:19:27,148 --> 00:19:29,145 I want my husband back. 431 00:19:29,179 --> 00:19:31,143 Hmm, let me run it by Jennifer Yang. 432 00:19:31,184 --> 00:19:33,150 Oh, wait, she's on maternity leave. 433 00:19:33,184 --> 00:19:36,013 Don't worry-- I'm sure Chuck Bennett will sign off on it. 434 00:19:37,317 --> 00:19:39,280 We are going to release your husband. 435 00:19:39,314 --> 00:19:42,685 See, Marge, someone up in the sky did hear your prayers. 436 00:19:42,719 --> 00:19:46,186 They sure did-- casino management. 437 00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:49,618 You are free to leave 438 00:19:49,653 --> 00:19:52,220 as long as your faith-based card-counting group 439 00:19:52,262 --> 00:19:56,287 never return to this or any other river or maritime casino. 440 00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,123 No deal! But we don't need to come back. 441 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:00,953 We saved the church. 442 00:20:00,987 --> 00:20:04,560 No! An injustice has gone on here for too long! 443 00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:06,560 I'm not leaving this casino 444 00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:09,729 until you stop punishing people for counting cards. 445 00:20:09,762 --> 00:20:11,729 They're just playing the game 446 00:20:11,771 --> 00:20:13,369 by the rules. 447 00:20:19,712 --> 00:20:23,320 Homie, after all this, do you still believe in God? 448 00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:25,918 On a beautiful night like tonight, 449 00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:27,989 how could I not? 450 00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:37,322 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 451 00:20:42,383 --> 00:20:44,513 Next week on Sky Police... 452 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:58,665 ♪ ♪ 453 00:21:15,819 --> 00:21:17,319 "Sky police" 454 00:21:23,363 --> 00:21:24,863 Shh!