1 00:00:01,775 --> 00:00:05,775 ♪ The Simpsons 26x05 ♪ Opposites A-Frack Original Air Date on November 2, 2014 2 00:00:05,776 --> 00:00:08,181 Whoo! Pork chops with gravy! 3 00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:13,795 Wait. But today's not Pork Chop Tuesday. 4 00:00:13,829 --> 00:00:15,014 Or Gravy Thursday! 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,477 I also set up some mirrors 6 00:00:16,519 --> 00:00:19,011 so you could watch hockey fights while you eat. 7 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,049 Whoo-hoo! 8 00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:26,458 Oh, I love Canadian-on-Canadian violence. 9 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,272 Oh, baby, this is so great! 10 00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:29,444 Thank you so much. 11 00:00:29,478 --> 00:00:32,117 I'm just happy you're happy. 12 00:00:33,457 --> 00:00:36,333 Wait a minute, that's not something people really feel. 13 00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:38,201 What's going on? 14 00:00:38,243 --> 00:00:40,304 Well, I do have a favor. 15 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,642 Patty and Selma came home early from their vacation, 16 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,349 but the cleaners still haven't gotten all the black mold 17 00:00:45,383 --> 00:00:47,086 out of their apartment. 18 00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:51,053 So they need a place to stay. 19 00:00:51,088 --> 00:00:52,189 Here. 20 00:00:53,222 --> 00:00:55,124 Paris was a bust. 21 00:00:55,158 --> 00:00:57,229 They wouldn't even let us see the Mona Lisa. 22 00:00:57,263 --> 00:00:59,493 They kept yelling, "La Joconde! 23 00:00:59,535 --> 00:01:01,532 Her smile will die!" 24 00:01:01,566 --> 00:01:02,996 No, Marge, no! 25 00:01:03,037 --> 00:01:04,803 You can't invite a couple of Riddlers 26 00:01:04,837 --> 00:01:06,467 to stay in the Bat Cave! 27 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:09,139 You ate the food and looked in the mirrors. 28 00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:10,707 They're staying! 29 00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:19,413 Hmm. 30 00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:20,652 Oh, honey, 31 00:01:20,686 --> 00:01:23,020 one teensy problem with this plan. 32 00:01:23,054 --> 00:01:24,555 I'm a teensy bit concerned 33 00:01:24,589 --> 00:01:26,819 about them smoking around the children. 34 00:01:26,861 --> 00:01:29,658 You know, their lungs are so teensy. 35 00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:31,226 Mwah! Mwah! 36 00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:33,258 Hmm. He has a point. 37 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,497 No, no. No, no, we don't have to smoke. 38 00:01:35,531 --> 00:01:38,169 We can stop whenever we want. See? 39 00:01:41,539 --> 00:01:43,073 Okay, how about this-- 40 00:01:43,107 --> 00:01:45,169 if you catch us smoking in the house, 41 00:01:45,211 --> 00:01:48,409 even one time, you can throw us out on the street. 42 00:01:48,443 --> 00:01:51,912 You know what? I trust them not to smoke. 43 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,312 And if you trust them, I trust them, too. 44 00:01:58,921 --> 00:02:00,287 Safety first! 45 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,719 Screw this. We'll just go outside. 46 00:02:02,761 --> 00:02:05,127 Nature is God's ashtray. 47 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,895 Bad news, bears. 48 00:02:11,937 --> 00:02:14,703 Forecast calls for nothing but rain. 49 00:02:27,342 --> 00:02:29,747 Here we go. Problem solved. 50 00:02:29,781 --> 00:02:31,651 Electric cigarettes. 51 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,419 Choke on our harmless fumes. 52 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,125 Hmm? 53 00:02:41,157 --> 00:02:42,555 Well, if you fall asleep with them, 54 00:02:42,597 --> 00:02:44,395 will you even burn to death? 55 00:02:44,429 --> 00:02:46,459 Uh-uh. Oh. 56 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,730 They call these cigarettes? 57 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,266 They don't stain my fingers, my hair smells like hair, 58 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,802 and what do I stub out in my scrambled eggs? 59 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,674 Sure, it's got the nicotine, but where's the tar? 60 00:02:59,708 --> 00:03:01,507 Where's the stab from every breath 61 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,443 that reminds me I'm alive? 62 00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:08,115 No smoke detector! Let's roll! 63 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,598 Wait, wait. 64 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,630 Turn on the faucet so no one'll get suspicious. 65 00:03:29,346 --> 00:03:31,512 Aha! I gotcha! 66 00:03:31,547 --> 00:03:33,817 You can't resist smoking in the house 67 00:03:33,851 --> 00:03:36,321 any more than I can resist drinking in the car. 68 00:03:36,355 --> 00:03:37,889 What happened? I don't know. 69 00:03:37,923 --> 00:03:39,889 The water caught on fire. 70 00:03:41,595 --> 00:03:44,057 And now I banish you from paradise. 71 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:46,065 I'm glad I never bothered to learn 72 00:03:46,099 --> 00:03:48,065 which one of you is which. 73 00:03:48,099 --> 00:03:50,665 Please, show some compassion for two good people 74 00:03:50,699 --> 00:03:53,433 who just can't stop smoking. 75 00:03:53,475 --> 00:03:55,001 Hmm... hmm. 76 00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:57,737 I know just the place. 77 00:04:02,948 --> 00:04:04,914 Oh! 78 00:04:04,947 --> 00:04:06,954 Tobacco! 79 00:04:11,756 --> 00:04:13,723 Who needs Paris? 80 00:04:13,757 --> 00:04:16,363 This is our City of Lights! 81 00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,334 Flaming tap water. 82 00:04:25,368 --> 00:04:28,098 I saw something about that in a documentary. 83 00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:32,565 Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. 84 00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:34,363 Sad. Sad. Sad. 85 00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:35,362 Cute. 86 00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:36,929 This one! 87 00:04:36,962 --> 00:04:38,496 In this rural community, 88 00:04:38,531 --> 00:04:39,936 hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, 89 00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:41,664 was greeted as a windfall. 90 00:04:43,769 --> 00:04:45,237 By pumping high-pressure liquid 91 00:04:45,271 --> 00:04:46,772 into underground shale deposits, 92 00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:48,709 fracking releases natural gas, 93 00:04:48,743 --> 00:04:51,574 but can lead to devastating environmental consequences. 94 00:04:53,984 --> 00:04:55,414 Yep, used to be 95 00:04:55,448 --> 00:04:57,685 you could try burning your water all day 96 00:04:57,719 --> 00:04:59,117 and nothing would happen. 97 00:04:59,151 --> 00:05:00,685 Henry, did you remember 98 00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:02,549 to turn off the Slip 'N Slide? 99 00:05:06,295 --> 00:05:09,061 Well, I... reckon not. 100 00:05:09,095 --> 00:05:11,564 I think someone is fracking under our neighborhood. 101 00:05:11,598 --> 00:05:13,459 And I know who. 102 00:05:13,501 --> 00:05:16,067 It's you, Mr. Texan. Oil wasn't enough-- 103 00:05:16,101 --> 00:05:19,066 now you're going after our natural gas. 104 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,705 Aw, now, ain't nothing natural about gas. 105 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:26,073 If you can't dance in it, I ain't drilling for it. 106 00:05:26,107 --> 00:05:28,209 I don't do this for the money, 107 00:05:28,243 --> 00:05:29,641 it's the dancing. 108 00:05:29,675 --> 00:05:32,609 It's always been the dancing. 109 00:05:39,954 --> 00:05:42,183 All right! 110 00:05:42,225 --> 00:05:44,159 Oh, man. 111 00:05:44,193 --> 00:05:46,327 He made us watch him dance for three hours, 112 00:05:46,361 --> 00:05:48,095 and he really only has one move. 113 00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:50,231 If someone was fracking in our neighborhood, 114 00:05:50,265 --> 00:05:51,967 wouldn't we know it? 115 00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:54,767 Maybe a satellite picture will give us a clue. 116 00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:57,639 Hmm, this is clearly a fracking site. 117 00:05:57,673 --> 00:05:59,903 How are they keeping people away? 118 00:06:02,209 --> 00:06:03,974 Aw, it's a terrific sport... 119 00:06:04,008 --> 00:06:05,478 Shh! 120 00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:10,950 This whole building is just a facade 121 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,318 for a drilling operation. 122 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,086 Indeed it is. 123 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,423 Evergreen Terrace is built atop a massive shale deposit. 124 00:06:19,457 --> 00:06:22,431 Think of it-- all that poor natural gas 125 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,328 trapped underneath your shanties and lean-tos. 126 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,968 Smithers, give these two brats what they deserve 127 00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:30,202 for sticking their noses in my business. 128 00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:36,180 Stopping Mr. Burns may be beyond the power 129 00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:39,516 of an eight-year-old girl with a book report due on Beezus and Ramona, 130 00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:41,787 but I know someone who can help: 131 00:06:41,821 --> 00:06:45,051 the first female Speaker of the State Assembly, 132 00:06:45,093 --> 00:06:47,059 a politician who would never ignore 133 00:06:47,093 --> 00:06:48,995 a fellow environmentalist in need, 134 00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:51,996 my hero, Maxine Lombard. 135 00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:59,572 Charge the electric limo-- we're going to Springfield. 136 00:06:59,606 --> 00:07:00,908 What about your cool-down period? 137 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:02,677 What about it?! 138 00:07:04,743 --> 00:07:07,244 Lisa! Motorcade! 139 00:07:08,518 --> 00:07:10,012 Assemblywoman Lombard! 140 00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:11,482 You got my e-mails! 141 00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:13,818 I'll go anywhere, anytime, 142 00:07:13,852 --> 00:07:16,554 to defend our precious Bay Area values. 143 00:07:16,588 --> 00:07:18,587 Terrible! 144 00:07:18,622 --> 00:07:20,587 Just shocking. 145 00:07:20,629 --> 00:07:23,596 D-Does anybody have a baby we can hold near the flames? 146 00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:25,132 I guess I do. 147 00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:28,565 I'm gonna hit this Mr. Burns 148 00:07:28,599 --> 00:07:30,868 with a politician's most powerful weapon: 149 00:07:30,902 --> 00:07:34,205 an invitation to a committee hearing. 150 00:07:34,239 --> 00:07:37,846 Mr. Burns, do you admit that you illegally pump 151 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,215 toxic chemicals into the groundwater 152 00:07:40,249 --> 00:07:42,383 below Evergreen Terrace? 153 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,887 I... don't recall. 154 00:07:45,921 --> 00:07:47,255 Mr. Burns! 155 00:07:47,289 --> 00:07:49,790 Have you no regard for the life and health 156 00:07:49,824 --> 00:07:51,790 of your fellow human beings? 157 00:07:53,465 --> 00:07:55,263 I... don't recall. 158 00:07:55,297 --> 00:07:57,095 You can't drill underneath people's homes 159 00:07:57,137 --> 00:07:58,631 without their permission. 160 00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:00,870 As chairwoman of this Committee on Energy, 161 00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:03,405 Natural Resources and Blimp Safety, 162 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:07,237 your fracking operation is hereby shut down. 163 00:08:08,911 --> 00:08:10,445 I demand to see that 164 00:08:10,479 --> 00:08:14,316 capitalism-castrating suffragette this instant! 165 00:08:14,350 --> 00:08:15,948 You haven't bested me. 166 00:08:15,982 --> 00:08:18,748 I will find a way to shatter that shale. 167 00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,821 What makes men like you think you can do 168 00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:22,255 whatever you want to our planet? 169 00:08:22,289 --> 00:08:24,223 Maybe the planet wants a strong man 170 00:08:24,265 --> 00:08:26,663 to take her by the hand and lead her. 171 00:08:26,697 --> 00:08:28,495 You don't know what the planet wants. 172 00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:30,432 Oh, and I suppose you do? 173 00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:33,136 The planet wants to be protected and nourished 174 00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:35,008 and maybe even... 175 00:08:35,042 --> 00:08:36,776 Kissed. 176 00:08:38,545 --> 00:08:39,671 Mwah! 177 00:08:44,713 --> 00:08:47,583 Wait a minute, I'm not having a stroke, am I? 178 00:08:47,616 --> 00:08:49,182 No. Am I? 179 00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,821 I don't think so. 180 00:08:50,855 --> 00:08:52,189 Oh, good. 181 00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:06,387 You! Me? 182 00:09:11,533 --> 00:09:14,300 This was all a mistake-- an impulsive... 183 00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:16,204 Reckless... knee-buckling... 184 00:09:16,238 --> 00:09:19,372 spat-snapping... Spanx-shredding mistake. 185 00:09:19,406 --> 00:09:21,372 Oh, it was great. 186 00:09:21,406 --> 00:09:23,372 Best I've ever had. 187 00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,381 And that includes... 188 00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:26,846 Nellie Taft. 189 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,151 So, Monty, shall we find a way to continue this... 190 00:09:30,185 --> 00:09:32,191 purely passionate affair? 191 00:09:32,225 --> 00:09:33,959 But you're a softhearted liberal! 192 00:09:33,993 --> 00:09:36,128 And you're a hard-hearted capitalist. 193 00:09:36,162 --> 00:09:38,791 Enemies by day, lovers by night. 194 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,799 Mmm... mwah! 195 00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,798 Now, get out of my office. 196 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,062 As soon as I collect my things. 197 00:09:45,104 --> 00:09:47,333 Uh, derringer, sword cane, 198 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:49,333 derringer cane, sword derringer. 199 00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,039 All right, it's all here. 200 00:09:51,073 --> 00:09:53,312 If I want to resume fracking, 201 00:09:53,346 --> 00:09:55,081 I have to buy the mineral rights 202 00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:57,545 for every single parcel of land in Evergreen Terrace. 203 00:09:57,587 --> 00:09:59,584 To win people over, I'll need a salesman 204 00:09:59,618 --> 00:10:03,017 whose folksy facade masks a deep gusher of greed. 205 00:10:05,059 --> 00:10:07,057 Hmm? 206 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,698 Congratulations, Simpson! You're now my chief 207 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,338 energy innovation marketing officer. Whoo-hoo! 208 00:10:18,372 --> 00:10:20,402 All you've got to do is sell fracking 209 00:10:20,444 --> 00:10:22,075 to your friends and neighbors. 210 00:10:22,109 --> 00:10:23,579 Whoo-hoo? I don't know, 211 00:10:23,613 --> 00:10:26,084 "fracking" is one of those scary Lisa words. 212 00:10:26,118 --> 00:10:28,548 Bah! Fracking produces enough clean natural gas 213 00:10:28,582 --> 00:10:31,620 to make America independent of sheiks, caliphs and... 214 00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:33,018 Scandinavians. 215 00:10:33,052 --> 00:10:34,719 Not to mention, it doesn't create 216 00:10:34,753 --> 00:10:37,550 any of that awful worker-mutating nuclear waste. 217 00:10:37,584 --> 00:10:39,558 Homer, game starts in an hour. 218 00:10:39,592 --> 00:10:41,558 Don't forget to set your fantasy lineup. 219 00:10:41,592 --> 00:10:42,759 Thanks, Charlie. 220 00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:45,095 Maybe fracking isn't so bad. 221 00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:47,527 Then say yes to this raise, this promotion 222 00:10:47,569 --> 00:10:49,431 and this flannel shirt, which says: 223 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,599 "I'm not screwing you over." 224 00:10:51,633 --> 00:10:53,471 I'm not screwing you over. 225 00:10:53,505 --> 00:10:56,471 No, uh, I'm not screwing you over. 226 00:10:56,505 --> 00:10:58,775 I'm not screwing you over. 227 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,343 I'm so proud of you, Papa. 228 00:11:02,577 --> 00:11:04,912 Some folks will tell you that fracking's no good, 229 00:11:04,954 --> 00:11:06,880 but what they don't tell you is, 230 00:11:06,922 --> 00:11:09,552 hydraulic fracturing creates jobs. 231 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,488 And all those new workers are gonna want 232 00:11:11,522 --> 00:11:15,160 to spend their earnings buying what you're selling-- beer. 233 00:11:15,194 --> 00:11:16,824 Authentic Italian food. 234 00:11:16,866 --> 00:11:18,832 Useless left-handed crap. 235 00:11:18,866 --> 00:11:20,600 Magical nonsense. 236 00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:23,936 Expensive toys for grown-ups they don't open or play with. 237 00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:25,672 Pornography and nachos. 238 00:11:25,706 --> 00:11:28,472 High-quality Spanish-language programming. 239 00:11:28,506 --> 00:11:30,777 High-quality methamphetamines. 240 00:11:30,811 --> 00:11:34,145 Laundry, homework, pranks, poop, poop and poop. 241 00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:36,649 But our water was on fire. 242 00:11:36,683 --> 00:11:40,018 How could you sell fracking for Mr. Burns? 243 00:11:40,052 --> 00:11:42,018 'Cause I've never gotten a promotion before. 244 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:44,154 Once I thought I had, but it turned out 245 00:11:44,196 --> 00:11:46,362 to be a beautifully-worded firing, 246 00:11:46,396 --> 00:11:49,195 so judge me all you want. I am judging you. 247 00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:51,229 Good. Judge away. Judge, judge, judge, judge, judge. 248 00:11:51,237 --> 00:11:53,003 Don't care. Don't care. Judge, judge, judge, judge, judge, judge. 249 00:11:53,037 --> 00:11:54,539 Don't care. Don't care. Judge, judge, judge. 250 00:11:54,573 --> 00:11:55,973 Judge, judge. Don't care. Don't care. 251 00:11:56,005 --> 00:11:57,707 Pumping frack cash. 252 00:11:57,741 --> 00:12:00,307 It's a gas cash... blast? 253 00:12:00,341 --> 00:12:02,675 Residents of Evergreen Terrace are undecided 254 00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:05,781 whether to sell their mineral rights to Mr. Burns. 255 00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:10,516 Mr. Burns is a vampire sucking the lifeblood of this town 256 00:12:10,558 --> 00:12:13,388 and lining his coffin with cash. 257 00:12:13,422 --> 00:12:17,324 Oh, Maxine, no one insults me in a sound bite the way you do. 258 00:12:17,358 --> 00:12:21,365 Oh, Monty, you're such a sexy little Nosferatu. 259 00:12:21,399 --> 00:12:22,797 Same time tomorrow night? 260 00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:25,469 I'll bring the oxygen. 261 00:12:25,503 --> 00:12:26,823 Better bring two tanks. 262 00:12:26,839 --> 00:12:27,804 Hmm? 263 00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:29,140 And so, 264 00:12:29,174 --> 00:12:31,172 we see a clear correlation 265 00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:33,540 between industrial hydro compounds 266 00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:35,308 and water table contamination 267 00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:37,077 well outside the... 268 00:12:37,119 --> 00:12:39,717 margin of error. 269 00:12:41,791 --> 00:12:43,557 Mr. Simpson, rebuttal? 270 00:12:45,023 --> 00:12:46,757 Everyone who signs over their mineral rights 271 00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:49,661 to Mr. Burns gets $5,000. 272 00:12:49,695 --> 00:12:51,397 5,000 smackers?! 273 00:12:51,431 --> 00:12:53,765 Money is like a job you don't even have to do! 274 00:12:57,809 --> 00:12:59,209 Ay, dinero. 275 00:12:59,243 --> 00:13:00,243 Signing Stu. 276 00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,916 I think my arguments were more cogent-- Bo-hyvik. 277 00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:09,421 What?! 278 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,788 Cogent-- Bo-hyvik! 279 00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:15,395 Mr. Burns, we did it! 280 00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:18,899 Everyone in the neighborhood sold us their gas rights! 281 00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:21,131 Hmm. 282 00:13:21,165 --> 00:13:23,362 Excellent. 283 00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:25,633 No, no. It's excellent. It's excellent. 284 00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,465 Uh, maybe you can help me, Simpson. 285 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,641 You've had a relationship or two in your life. 286 00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:32,272 Well... one. 287 00:13:32,306 --> 00:13:35,145 I have embarked on a "beneficial friendship" 288 00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:37,778 with a woman with whom I have nothing in common. 289 00:13:37,812 --> 00:13:40,620 Her opinions are abhorrent to me, but the passion. 290 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,756 Well, look at these racy texts she sends me. 291 00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:50,057 Oh, baby. 292 00:13:50,091 --> 00:13:52,159 How long can I sustain this high-wire act 293 00:13:52,193 --> 00:13:54,895 of loathing and lust? 294 00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:57,663 Well, I'm no Carl when it comes to this stuff, 295 00:13:57,697 --> 00:13:59,431 but I ain't no Lenny, neither. 296 00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:01,103 And I would say... 297 00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:04,167 no matter how much you try to keep things casual, 298 00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:06,575 someone always gets hurt. 299 00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:11,374 Hmm. Well, then I must harden my heart against such an outcome. 300 00:14:13,681 --> 00:14:15,415 I appreciate the counsel, Simpson. 301 00:14:15,449 --> 00:14:18,455 Now, please trap-door yourself out. 302 00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,223 Glad I could be of help! 303 00:14:23,192 --> 00:14:26,190 Do you have the signed gas leases? 304 00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:29,629 Hold on. 305 00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,261 This feels light. 306 00:14:31,295 --> 00:14:34,837 Ah. One of these deeds is missing a signature. 307 00:14:34,871 --> 00:14:38,005 The gas rights transfer form for 742 Evergreen Terrace 308 00:14:38,039 --> 00:14:41,605 was never signed by... Marge Simpson. 309 00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:44,373 Marge, why didn't you sign? 310 00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:47,180 Our water was on fire! 311 00:14:47,214 --> 00:14:49,316 I'm sorry, but the law states 312 00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:52,548 that unless every single resident sells their rights, 313 00:14:52,582 --> 00:14:55,188 Burns can't frack drop one! 314 00:14:55,222 --> 00:14:57,291 Oh! 315 00:14:57,326 --> 00:14:58,723 Oh, I was counting on that money 316 00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:00,155 to pay for my other calf implant. 317 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,292 Yuck. 318 00:15:01,326 --> 00:15:03,731 I already felt the pride of energy independence. 319 00:15:05,996 --> 00:15:08,901 Marge Simpson, I'm as mad at you 320 00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:11,038 as you usually are at me! 321 00:15:11,072 --> 00:15:13,375 Hmm! 322 00:15:18,389 --> 00:15:20,084 Cheer up, Monty. 323 00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:21,884 All you lost was money, 324 00:15:21,926 --> 00:15:24,357 but what you get is... me. 325 00:15:29,464 --> 00:15:31,197 All I lost was money? 326 00:15:32,768 --> 00:15:34,838 Let me make one thing perfectly clear. 327 00:15:34,872 --> 00:15:36,838 Our dalliance meant nothing to me! 328 00:15:36,872 --> 00:15:39,878 You were but a sprig of parsley garnishing my beefsteak. 329 00:15:39,912 --> 00:15:43,279 Now I cast you aside for the busboys to gnaw upon. 330 00:15:43,313 --> 00:15:46,118 Considered this ill-conceived affair terminated! 331 00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,918 I played this just perfectly. 332 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:57,307 Oh, yeah, great. Great, Marge, great work. 333 00:15:57,308 --> 00:16:00,642 Thanks to you, Springfield will never be a natural gas boomtown, 334 00:16:00,677 --> 00:16:04,643 and like all boomtowns, it would have lasted forever. 335 00:16:04,676 --> 00:16:08,210 Oh! Our water was on fire! 336 00:16:08,252 --> 00:16:11,786 Oh! Was on fire. Was! 337 00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:13,922 I finally got a job I was good at, 338 00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:17,288 and now I have to give it up! 339 00:16:17,322 --> 00:16:20,255 So, you've come begging not to be fired? 340 00:16:20,288 --> 00:16:22,390 Smithers, turn my back on this man! 341 00:16:22,424 --> 00:16:24,896 Maximum huff! 342 00:16:24,930 --> 00:16:27,264 Wait, Mr. Burns. I'm here to man up. 343 00:16:27,298 --> 00:16:28,936 It was all my wife's fault! 344 00:16:30,466 --> 00:16:32,936 Sometimes I think she and I have nothing in common! 345 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:35,775 Nothing in common, eh? Tell me more. 346 00:16:35,809 --> 00:16:37,303 Marge likes sushi. 347 00:16:37,345 --> 00:16:39,440 I like gum that squirts in your mouth. 348 00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,112 She's into romantic comedies. 349 00:16:41,146 --> 00:16:42,576 I like movies where there's only 350 00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:44,848 one day a year when murder is legal. 351 00:16:44,882 --> 00:16:48,184 Yup, Marge and I see the world in totally different ways. 352 00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:49,983 Hmm. Different, exactly. 353 00:16:50,025 --> 00:16:53,087 That's why I had to give my woman the old heave-ho. 354 00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:55,495 So, you don't miss that politics lady at all? 355 00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:57,159 Not for one Chinese second. 356 00:16:57,193 --> 00:16:59,464 And I'm sure she's forgotten all about me. 357 00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:04,168 Killdozers. 358 00:17:04,202 --> 00:17:05,801 Whatever are you doing, man?! 359 00:17:05,842 --> 00:17:07,976 We're tearing down this place and putting up 360 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,705 a recycling center, 361 00:17:09,746 --> 00:17:11,976 slash Native American history museum, 362 00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,609 slash condor sanctuary. 363 00:17:15,316 --> 00:17:18,388 Hmm. A project this bloated and ill thought out 364 00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:20,356 could only be the work of an angry liberal. 365 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:22,124 Maxine! 366 00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,725 My ex is using the thing I hate most against me-- 367 00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:26,197 big government. 368 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:30,672 Stop this ribbon cutting! 369 00:17:30,706 --> 00:17:32,369 This is private property! 370 00:17:32,411 --> 00:17:34,241 What's the matter, Mr. Burns? 371 00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:36,713 Never heard of eminent domain? 372 00:17:36,747 --> 00:17:39,209 You're just doing this to get back at me for dumping you! 373 00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,681 That is ridiculous. 374 00:17:46,557 --> 00:17:48,828 The Antonin Scalia bedroom! 375 00:17:48,862 --> 00:17:52,061 It's a National Public Radio broadcast center now. 376 00:17:52,095 --> 00:17:53,734 Who are you? 377 00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:56,734 I'm Robert Siegel, and this is All Things Considered. 378 00:18:05,113 --> 00:18:07,047 Stop laying about, you! 379 00:18:07,081 --> 00:18:08,351 There's work to be done! 380 00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:10,447 Or Gravy Thursday. 381 00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,423 If that woman thinks she's been scorned now, 382 00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:14,823 she ain't seen nothing yet! 383 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,800 It's fracking time. 384 00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:47,252 Is one of the side effects of fracking earthquakes? 385 00:18:47,286 --> 00:18:49,156 Yes! 386 00:18:52,693 --> 00:18:54,492 What are you doing? 387 00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,428 You're destroying this neighborhood. 388 00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:59,102 Just like you destroyed my mansion. 389 00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:03,470 I don't know what I ever saw in you, you planet-ruining monster! 390 00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,838 Likewise, you planet-saving succubus! 391 00:19:09,008 --> 00:19:13,014 Homer, turn off that horrible machine! 392 00:19:13,048 --> 00:19:15,686 You don't know anything about hydraulic fracturing! 393 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,422 You've just been brainwashed by liberal TV shows 394 00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:21,118 who use fracking as an easy bad guy, 395 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,622 but it can save this country! 396 00:19:23,656 --> 00:19:26,262 Our... water... was... 397 00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:28,631 on... fire! 398 00:19:28,665 --> 00:19:31,630 Wait. I finally get what you're saying. 399 00:19:31,664 --> 00:19:34,837 Fracking is great, but the only place 400 00:19:34,871 --> 00:19:38,901 it should ever happen is in other people's towns! 401 00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:40,373 Hmm. 402 00:19:58,994 --> 00:20:02,431 You always do the right thing... sort of. 403 00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:05,631 What is he doing? 404 00:20:05,673 --> 00:20:07,753 He was furious at that woman, now he's embracing her. 405 00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:09,975 He told me himself they had nothing in common. 406 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,039 Nothing except passion. 407 00:20:12,073 --> 00:20:14,207 Mm. 408 00:20:15,944 --> 00:20:18,246 I was a fool to break up with you, Maxine. 409 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,182 I'm sorry I turned your home into a liberal paradise. 410 00:20:21,216 --> 00:20:24,021 You think we could make us work? 411 00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:26,517 I don't know. We're pretty different. 412 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:29,221 But we've got passion, and as long as we've got that, 413 00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:32,190 our lives will never get boring. 414 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,295 Mmm. 415 00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,335 Well, there's free jazz on Saturdays 416 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,903 at the art museum. 417 00:20:39,285 --> 00:20:42,515 Now they say omega-3 pills are bad for you. 418 00:20:42,557 --> 00:20:45,954 My sister's dog had puppies. 419 00:20:45,988 --> 00:20:48,793 What kind? What kind of what? 420 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,794 What kind of dog does your sister have? 421 00:20:53,345 --> 00:20:55,407 I don't know. 422 00:20:55,441 --> 00:21:01,941 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 423 00:21:06,894 --> 00:21:09,260 What color drawer pulls did you want? 424 00:21:09,284 --> 00:21:10,823 Nickel or brush nickel? 425 00:21:12,702 --> 00:21:15,435 Oh, I wish we'd bought the more expensive theater tickets. 426 00:21:15,469 --> 00:21:18,443 I'll never see anything in row BB. 427 00:21:21,191 --> 00:21:24,316 There's a sale on lawn furniture at the Lawns Plus. 428 00:21:27,907 --> 00:21:30,609 Why are all cars black or gray now? 429 00:21:30,643 --> 00:21:33,449 It's like if you see a red one, it's a big deal. 430 00:21:36,984 --> 00:21:39,518 I'm thinking about wearing a watch again. 431 00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,920 Shh!