1 00:00:09,888 --> 00:00:12,123 Hello, darkness. 2 00:00:16,128 --> 00:00:17,895 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:20,566 --> 00:00:21,833 Barney: Morning! 4 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:23,601 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:23,669 --> 00:00:26,504 (yells) 6 00:00:29,575 --> 00:00:31,008 (beeping) 7 00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:38,549 (playing the blues) 8 00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:43,321 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:43,389 --> 00:00:45,690 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:45,758 --> 00:00:47,125 D'oh! 11 00:00:47,192 --> 00:00:48,526 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:48,594 --> 00:00:50,061 (grunts) 13 00:00:52,898 --> 00:01:02,334 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 14 00:01:05,844 --> 00:01:08,913 (explosion) ha! Ha! 15 00:01:14,921 --> 00:01:16,955 Moe: Springfield, U.S.A. 16 00:01:17,023 --> 00:01:19,091 A town where everyone's got a story. 17 00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:20,893 I moved here 'cause on a calculator, 18 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,661 The zip code spells "boobs." 19 00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:24,830 It's a town filled with winners 20 00:01:24,898 --> 00:01:26,231 And skinners. 21 00:01:26,299 --> 00:01:27,800 Why couldn't you have died 22 00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:29,501 Instead of the car? 23 00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:33,172 Moe: But everybody comes to Moe's. 24 00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:35,908 (people chattering) 25 00:01:35,975 --> 00:01:37,843 (homer laughing, crowd cheering) 26 00:01:37,911 --> 00:01:39,745 (Barney snarling) 27 00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:45,684 (crowd exclaims) 28 00:01:45,752 --> 00:01:46,985 (Barney snarling) 29 00:01:47,053 --> 00:01:49,354 (Lenny shouting) 30 00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:51,990 (Barney snarling) 31 00:01:52,058 --> 00:01:55,961 Moe: Moe's tavern, presided over by Moe Szyslak-- 32 00:01:56,029 --> 00:01:58,697 Handsome, suave, debonair. 33 00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,165 (sneezes) 34 00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:02,034 Hey, get the camera off of me. 35 00:02:02,101 --> 00:02:03,702 I'm narrating here. 36 00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:06,104 Moe: Anyway, here's my little tale. 37 00:02:06,172 --> 00:02:09,541 As the town's bartender, I know everyone's problems. 38 00:02:09,609 --> 00:02:15,047 And everyone's got problems, especially the married ones. 39 00:02:15,114 --> 00:02:16,748 Be they bible-thumper... 40 00:02:16,816 --> 00:02:19,618 Timothy, I finished saying my prayers. 41 00:02:19,686 --> 00:02:21,220 Not now, Helen. 42 00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:22,788 Today's the day I paint moustaches 43 00:02:22,856 --> 00:02:24,089 On my Pullman porters. 44 00:02:25,758 --> 00:02:27,526 Mmm... 45 00:02:27,594 --> 00:02:29,027 Moe: ...Or jerky jockey. 46 00:02:29,095 --> 00:02:31,096 * go to sleep, sleepy head * 47 00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:33,065 * may a cloud be your... * 48 00:02:33,132 --> 00:02:34,633 Where did we get this dreck? 49 00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,802 Oof. Typical. 50 00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:40,706 Here's the kind of lullaby my sweet mother sang to me. 51 00:02:40,773 --> 00:02:43,509 (woman singing loudly in Hindu, babies crying) 52 00:02:43,576 --> 00:02:45,344 Oh! 53 00:02:45,411 --> 00:02:49,548 Why do you always change it to Sanskrit 93.7: The dot? 54 00:02:49,616 --> 00:02:52,551 I like rajiv, rubaba and big brahmin in the morning! 55 00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:55,687 No caste is safe from their merry japes! 56 00:02:55,755 --> 00:02:59,157 Having a ma-hot-ma or man-not-ma contest is not a jape. 57 00:02:59,225 --> 00:03:00,893 It is sexist sacrilege! 58 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,327 I hate that channel! 59 00:03:02,395 --> 00:03:04,663 But you have so much in common with them-- 60 00:03:04,731 --> 00:03:06,031 Nonstop chatter during drive time! 61 00:03:06,099 --> 00:03:07,466 Take it back. 62 00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:09,368 I take it back. 63 00:03:09,435 --> 00:03:11,203 Moe: And now you're probably wondering, 64 00:03:11,271 --> 00:03:13,372 What's this all building to? 65 00:03:13,439 --> 00:03:14,940 It's a timeless tale of... 66 00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:16,875 Hello! 67 00:03:16,943 --> 00:03:19,177 Are you seein' what I'm seein' here? Ooh! 68 00:03:19,245 --> 00:03:20,913 This omniscient point of view 69 00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:22,681 Has got some surprising bonuses! 70 00:03:22,749 --> 00:03:23,982 Yeah. 71 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:26,585 Aw. No! No! No! Oh! 72 00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:28,353 What the hell was I talking about? 73 00:03:28,421 --> 00:03:30,088 Oh, yeah. It was just before mother's day. 74 00:03:30,156 --> 00:03:34,426 I destroyed my body to give birth to you?! 75 00:03:34,494 --> 00:03:37,362 (sentimental tune plays) 76 00:03:37,430 --> 00:03:40,365 Kids, this mother's day, 77 00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,935 Why don't you give your mom what she really wants: 78 00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:44,836 A break from you? 79 00:03:44,904 --> 00:03:47,139 Have your dads take all you annoying kids 80 00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:49,908 On a krusty krustival kruiseline day-kruise 81 00:03:49,976 --> 00:03:51,877 To historic weasel island, 82 00:03:51,945 --> 00:03:54,479 One of America's ten roundest islands. 83 00:03:54,547 --> 00:03:58,150 Explore a dark, dark weasel cave. 84 00:03:58,217 --> 00:04:00,018 Tour the historic civil war prison, 85 00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:01,787 And picnic where the bodies 86 00:04:01,854 --> 00:04:03,855 Were once stacked like cordwood. 87 00:04:03,923 --> 00:04:05,824 Plus some kind of amusement park! 88 00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:07,726 Announcer: Warning: You may not be amused. 89 00:04:07,794 --> 00:04:09,328 You guys should go on that cruise. 90 00:04:09,395 --> 00:04:11,096 You'll have a great time, 91 00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:13,865 And you kids can spend the day getting to know your father. 92 00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:17,502 I like beer, hot dogs, and long blackouts on the beach. 93 00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:20,572 And I can spend my mother's day taking care of something 94 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,975 I've been putting off for a long time. 95 00:04:23,042 --> 00:04:24,910 Cleaning the gutters? 96 00:04:24,978 --> 00:04:26,678 That's something you've been putting off. 97 00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:28,947 (gasps) cartoons! Everybody, be quiet! 98 00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:31,516 (ragtime piano playing) 99 00:04:46,733 --> 00:04:48,033 (moaning) 100 00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:04,616 * * 101 00:05:09,022 --> 00:05:10,656 (laughter) 102 00:05:10,723 --> 00:05:12,424 So, Marge, what were we talking about? 103 00:05:12,492 --> 00:05:13,959 (sighs) 104 00:05:14,027 --> 00:05:15,427 Why do I waste my breath? 105 00:05:15,495 --> 00:05:16,995 Sorry, honey. I wasn't listening, 106 00:05:17,063 --> 00:05:18,630 And I won't be listening now. 107 00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:23,902 Hey, Homer, what do you think mom meant by 108 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,671 "taking care of something"? 109 00:05:25,738 --> 00:05:28,473 Son, I'm a bit of an expert on the female gender, 110 00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:32,711 And I can tell you, women don't mean anything by anything. 111 00:05:32,779 --> 00:05:34,479 Dad, that's a dangerous attitude 112 00:05:34,547 --> 00:05:36,314 For you to take towards your wife. 113 00:05:36,382 --> 00:05:38,150 I hear what you're saying, Lisa. 114 00:05:38,217 --> 00:05:39,584 (whispers loudly): Nothing. 115 00:05:42,822 --> 00:05:44,423 Into the playpen, sweetie. 116 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,725 And if you get hungry, there's lobster. 117 00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:53,231 (boat horn blows) 118 00:05:53,299 --> 00:05:55,567 (bicycle bell dings) 119 00:05:55,635 --> 00:05:57,269 Special delivery letter 120 00:05:57,336 --> 00:05:59,805 For misters Simpson, Lovejoy and Nahasapeemapetilon. 121 00:05:59,872 --> 00:06:01,106 (grunts) 122 00:06:01,174 --> 00:06:02,340 (yells) 123 00:06:02,408 --> 00:06:04,076 Apu: It's going to drop. 124 00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:09,114 What? 125 00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:15,754 It's from Moe. 126 00:06:15,822 --> 00:06:18,457 Moe: "dear friends, I have some news that is doubly sad. 127 00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,792 "first off, I am leaving town forever. 128 00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:23,261 "and my going away present? 129 00:06:23,329 --> 00:06:25,530 One of your wives is running off with me." 130 00:06:25,598 --> 00:06:27,733 One of our wives is leaving us for Moe?! 131 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,868 Moe's leaving town?! 132 00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:31,937 Moe: "perhaps I should've told you in person, 133 00:06:32,004 --> 00:06:34,539 "but there's no easy way to say good-bye forever. 134 00:06:34,607 --> 00:06:37,008 "so I'll say it the hardest way I can: In mandarin Chinese. 135 00:06:37,076 --> 00:06:38,410 Zai jian Yong yuan!" 136 00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:40,479 (all gasp) 137 00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:42,280 Moe: And now, as our teakettle starts to toot, 138 00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:44,316 I'm gonna take a little break. 139 00:06:44,383 --> 00:06:46,318 (clears throat): Boy, this voice-over thing is killin' me. 140 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:49,488 Whatever that don Pardo gets paid, it ain't enough. 141 00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:51,656 Don Pardo: I make more than you can possibly imagine. 142 00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:53,725 And I'm making it right now. 143 00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:54,793 (gull screeches) Moe: Where are you? 144 00:06:57,124 --> 00:07:00,460 Moe is running off with one of our wives?! 145 00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:02,095 Well, the stationery's legit. 146 00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:04,331 It's got the Moe watermark. 147 00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:06,166 So I guess the question is, 148 00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:09,002 Which one of our wives got Moe-jacked? 149 00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:10,804 Well, I will end this suspense 150 00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:13,440 With a simple cellular phone call to Manjula. 151 00:07:13,507 --> 00:07:15,175 (beep) 152 00:07:15,243 --> 00:07:17,410 No signal?! No battery?! 153 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,179 I got Marge! Marge (staticky): Homer? 154 00:07:19,247 --> 00:07:20,814 Marge, are you running off with Moe? 155 00:07:20,882 --> 00:07:22,849 Homer? I'm... You! 156 00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:25,252 You're losing me, or you're leaving me?! 157 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,887 We're breaking up! 158 00:07:26,954 --> 00:07:28,955 (phone beeps) aw, damn it! 159 00:07:29,023 --> 00:07:30,290 (grunts) 160 00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:31,558 Homer? 161 00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:33,460 Ooh, can't talk. Must text. 162 00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:38,331 Marge, have you left me for...? 163 00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:40,634 (anguished moan) 164 00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:43,069 We needed that pole to hook the dock. 165 00:07:43,137 --> 00:07:44,604 (people screaming) 166 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:47,340 (explosion) 167 00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:49,342 Most of our cargo is explosives. 168 00:07:53,281 --> 00:07:55,115 (weasels chittering) 169 00:07:58,185 --> 00:07:59,986 You rebel scum make me sick. 170 00:08:00,054 --> 00:08:01,855 This is sweet justice 171 00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:04,324 For how you greybacks treated our boys at Andersonville! 172 00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:06,326 (grunting) 173 00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:09,529 When there's cruelty involved, Bart sure knows his history. 174 00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:12,165 Well, if Moe were leaving with one of our wives, 175 00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:13,833 It wouldn't be my Helen. 176 00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:16,369 We just started a new jigsaw puzzle last week. 177 00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:18,038 We're still on the edges. 178 00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:20,874 Well, Marge and I don't have any problems. 179 00:08:20,942 --> 00:08:22,776 We never even fight anymore. 180 00:08:22,843 --> 00:08:25,111 What? 181 00:08:25,179 --> 00:08:27,047 When a woman is peaceful and content, 182 00:08:27,114 --> 00:08:29,549 That means all hell is about to break loose. 183 00:08:29,617 --> 00:08:31,251 Think back, Homer. 184 00:08:31,319 --> 00:08:33,520 When did you first realize Marge was checked out 185 00:08:33,587 --> 00:08:35,956 Like a Harry Potter book at the public library? 186 00:08:36,023 --> 00:08:37,557 Think back, 187 00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,459 Think back, think back... 188 00:08:39,527 --> 00:08:41,995 (rattling) 189 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,297 Not that far back. 190 00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:49,402 Homer, my mother's party's starting any minute. Get busy. 191 00:08:51,939 --> 00:08:54,374 Moe, my in-laws are coming. 192 00:08:54,442 --> 00:08:57,344 I need something strong enough that I forget I hate them, 193 00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,180 But not so strong that I tell them I love them. 194 00:09:00,247 --> 00:09:02,582 Sorry, Homer, I ain't serving no liquor. 195 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,918 Just o'glums non-alcohol beer. 196 00:09:04,986 --> 00:09:06,953 Marge, this is crazy! 197 00:09:07,021 --> 00:09:09,089 This is my mother's 80th birthday party, 198 00:09:09,156 --> 00:09:10,790 And you're not ruining it. 199 00:09:10,858 --> 00:09:12,592 Oh, you'll have a good time. 200 00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:14,361 I invited a friend for you. 201 00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:17,630 Knock-a-doodle-you! Flanders?! 202 00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:19,032 Neighbor Marge invited me over 203 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,767 To be the little angel on your shoulder, 204 00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:23,103 So you wouldn't listen to the 400 devils on the other. 205 00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:24,571 D'oh! 206 00:09:24,638 --> 00:09:26,773 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 207 00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:29,275 * * 208 00:09:32,179 --> 00:09:34,381 Hey, chunky with the pants of meatballs. 209 00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,216 Take our picture. 210 00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:37,951 All right. 211 00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:38,752 I wasn't smiling! 212 00:09:38,819 --> 00:09:39,919 What the... 213 00:09:39,987 --> 00:09:41,021 I had something in my teeth. 214 00:09:41,088 --> 00:09:42,188 Why you... 215 00:09:42,256 --> 00:09:43,223 My eyes were shut. 216 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:44,791 Lousy... 217 00:09:44,859 --> 00:09:46,893 My sweater's on backwards! (groans) 218 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,695 He can't do anything right. 219 00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:50,930 Except setting off car alarms with his big fat footsteps. 220 00:09:50,998 --> 00:09:52,665 You take that back! 221 00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:54,834 (Homer grunts and stomps, car alarms sound) 222 00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:58,905 (both laughing) 223 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,673 Go ugly up someone else's house, 224 00:10:00,741 --> 00:10:03,076 You penis-curling she-devils! 225 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,644 Ah, you got it. 226 00:10:04,712 --> 00:10:06,413 We're not staying where we're not wanted. 227 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,747 Every time I plan something 228 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:11,351 That means something to me, you somehow mess it up. 229 00:10:12,553 --> 00:10:14,387 (snapping) 230 00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:17,724 (snapping) 231 00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:20,026 I need some cash, man. 232 00:10:22,696 --> 00:10:24,931 "you will lose all your money." 233 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,200 (scoffs) we'll see about that. 234 00:10:34,587 --> 00:10:36,688 One, please. 235 00:10:36,756 --> 00:10:38,690 You had that scar before you got on. 236 00:10:38,758 --> 00:10:40,759 What scar? Oh, you'll find out. 237 00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:44,296 Oh, I like keeping, I like keeping records of myself. 238 00:10:44,363 --> 00:10:47,065 Oh. Ah, man, do I make the soup. 239 00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:48,900 My goodness, do I make the soup. 240 00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:50,602 Oh, I'm doomed! 241 00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:52,871 Now, we don't know for sure it's your wife. 242 00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:54,272 It could be yours. 243 00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:55,640 Oh, no, sir. 244 00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:57,242 My marriage is solid. 245 00:10:57,310 --> 00:11:00,045 Manjula would never cheat on me like I cheated on... 246 00:11:00,112 --> 00:11:02,047 Oh, boy. That's right. 247 00:11:02,114 --> 00:11:04,082 Now, was there ever a time 248 00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,384 When your wife might have found comfort 249 00:11:06,452 --> 00:11:08,753 In Moe's hairy arms? 250 00:11:08,821 --> 00:11:10,388 Think back, apu. 251 00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:12,090 Think back, apu... 252 00:11:12,158 --> 00:11:13,858 (Ralph yelps) 253 00:11:13,926 --> 00:11:15,627 (thunder crashing) 254 00:11:17,797 --> 00:11:19,464 May we use your restroom 255 00:11:19,532 --> 00:11:21,366 To change our kids out of their cricket uniforms? 256 00:11:21,434 --> 00:11:22,867 We got caught in the rain 257 00:11:22,935 --> 00:11:26,638 Because someone wouldn't use international short form rules. 258 00:11:26,706 --> 00:11:29,074 All right, calm down there, 'Pu and she-Pu. 259 00:11:29,141 --> 00:11:30,942 You can use the restroom. (sighs) 260 00:11:31,010 --> 00:11:32,911 My one day off and it is miserable. 261 00:11:32,979 --> 00:11:35,347 This is my day every day. 262 00:11:35,414 --> 00:11:36,615 You see this? 263 00:11:36,682 --> 00:11:39,017 I'm playing the world's smallest sitar for you. 264 00:11:39,085 --> 00:11:40,085 (thunder crashing) 265 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,823 One, two, three, four, five, six... 266 00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:46,124 (gasps, screams) 267 00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:47,626 We are missing a tuplet! 268 00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:49,794 We must have left it at that godforsaken pub! 269 00:11:49,862 --> 00:11:51,997 How could you forget your own child? 270 00:11:52,064 --> 00:11:53,698 How could you forget your own child?! 271 00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,767 Oh, I can't believe I married you. 272 00:11:55,835 --> 00:11:58,336 What my grandfather saw in your grandfather, 273 00:11:58,404 --> 00:12:00,171 I will never know. (phone beeps) 274 00:12:01,574 --> 00:12:03,041 Moe: Uh, hey, 'Pu. 275 00:12:03,109 --> 00:12:05,377 I just want you to know that I got one of your kids here. 276 00:12:05,444 --> 00:12:07,145 This ain't a kidnapping thing, 277 00:12:07,213 --> 00:12:09,114 But if you're in the mood to give me a million dollars, 278 00:12:09,181 --> 00:12:10,348 That's cool. 279 00:12:10,416 --> 00:12:11,916 This should not be interpreted 280 00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:13,885 By federal agents as a threat. 281 00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:16,588 Once again, uh, no threat, but will take the dough. 282 00:12:16,656 --> 00:12:19,057 Well, one of us has to go back to Moe's. 283 00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:21,760 Maybe have a beer or two, shoot a game of pool, 284 00:12:21,827 --> 00:12:24,162 And if I win, I have to play the challenger, 285 00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:25,964 Such are the customs of billiards. 286 00:12:26,032 --> 00:12:27,399 (tires squealing) 287 00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:31,236 What a great father, I say sarcastically! 288 00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:35,073 If only that mark on your forehead was an off button! 289 00:12:35,141 --> 00:12:37,075 Hours later, she returned-- 290 00:12:37,143 --> 00:12:39,010 Smelling of beer and pickled eggs. 291 00:12:39,078 --> 00:12:40,245 I know no more. 292 00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:42,113 Uh... I do. 293 00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:43,481 You do?! Tell me! 294 00:12:43,549 --> 00:12:45,884 I was there when your wife got to Moe's, 295 00:12:45,951 --> 00:12:48,720 Being my usual effervescent self. 296 00:12:48,788 --> 00:12:50,989 (snoring) 297 00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:52,991 (giggling) (gargling) 298 00:12:53,059 --> 00:12:56,695 Oh, thank you for saving my precious... 299 00:12:57,897 --> 00:12:59,764 ...Gheet! (sighs) 300 00:12:59,832 --> 00:13:01,900 Sounds like you had a rough day. 301 00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,301 It's true. 302 00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:07,038 My eyes have more bags than the Darjeeling limited. 303 00:13:07,106 --> 00:13:09,307 (laughs) yeah, that's-that's probably a good one. 304 00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:11,676 Here, I got somethin' that might cheer ya up. 305 00:13:11,744 --> 00:13:13,611 I got this for women that came to the bar, 306 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:16,347 And, uh, low-blow boxing for the guys. 307 00:13:16,415 --> 00:13:18,917 My nards! My nards! My nards! 308 00:13:18,984 --> 00:13:20,819 So, uh, would you like to cut one? 309 00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:22,220 I mean a rug. 310 00:13:22,288 --> 00:13:23,922 Oh, God, I always say the wrong thing. 311 00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:30,361 * red one, konvict gaga... * 312 00:13:30,429 --> 00:13:32,897 You said you'd be home by 7:00 313 00:13:32,965 --> 00:13:34,632 To help with my mother's birthday! 314 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,601 (Marge grunting, Homer groaning) 315 00:13:36,669 --> 00:13:38,303 Then what happened? I don't know. 316 00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:39,471 (children moaning) 317 00:13:39,538 --> 00:13:41,606 Teacup? How'd that get in there? 318 00:13:41,674 --> 00:13:44,209 Question me, you little rutabaga brain, 319 00:13:44,276 --> 00:13:46,811 I'll take your eyeball and make soup out of it. 320 00:13:46,879 --> 00:13:48,913 Well, how can you be sure your wife is not the putty 321 00:13:48,981 --> 00:13:50,281 In the bartender's hands? 322 00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:51,616 Yeah, padre. 323 00:13:51,684 --> 00:13:54,152 How innocuous are your flashbacks? 324 00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,187 Well, I, uh... 325 00:13:56,255 --> 00:13:58,256 (ferry horn honking) 326 00:13:58,324 --> 00:14:00,959 The ferry will be back in ten minutes. 327 00:14:01,026 --> 00:14:04,863 It'll take us home to find out the truth. 328 00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,731 The truth. The roof. 329 00:14:06,799 --> 00:14:08,733 (honking continues) 330 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:11,236 (car horns honking) 331 00:14:11,303 --> 00:14:13,538 I'm still mad at you from last night. 332 00:14:13,606 --> 00:14:16,574 Today's the first, which means it was last month, 333 00:14:16,642 --> 00:14:18,843 Which means you're being ridiculous. 334 00:14:18,911 --> 00:14:21,780 Hmm, I'm glad we never argue like that. 335 00:14:21,847 --> 00:14:25,250 Yes, to argue, you have to actually talk to each other. 336 00:14:25,317 --> 00:14:27,552 Way to bitch up the conversation, Helen. 337 00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:29,087 (grunts) 338 00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:30,822 Oh, Tim. 339 00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:32,657 As your spiritual advisor, 340 00:14:32,725 --> 00:14:35,560 I'm afraid you two have a b-b-b-big problem. 341 00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:36,995 Me and Helen? 342 00:14:37,062 --> 00:14:39,030 Why, we're as happy as Adam and eve 343 00:14:39,098 --> 00:14:41,533 Before eve munched us all to hell. 344 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,134 Mm-mm-mmm. 345 00:14:43,202 --> 00:14:45,003 I'm gonna let you in on a little trick 346 00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:46,771 They taught us in divinity school. 347 00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,439 Now take a look at Helen over there. 348 00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:50,708 She seems happy as a clam, am I right? 349 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:52,177 Lovejoy: Oh, happier. 350 00:14:52,244 --> 00:14:56,014 Where a clam has only one pearl, she has many. 351 00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:58,349 Now, don't you jive me, Tim. 352 00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:01,686 Just take your thumb and put it over her mouth. 353 00:15:05,357 --> 00:15:06,457 (growling) 354 00:15:06,525 --> 00:15:07,826 See? 355 00:15:07,893 --> 00:15:10,695 Looks like that she-cano is about to blow! 356 00:15:10,763 --> 00:15:13,565 * Krakatoa, East of Java * 357 00:15:13,632 --> 00:15:15,567 * never spewed a hotter lava * 358 00:15:15,634 --> 00:15:19,237 * than a mount Saint Helen who's mad at you * 359 00:15:19,305 --> 00:15:21,940 * Kilauea or you will pay her... * 360 00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:24,876 (both scatting) 361 00:15:28,247 --> 00:15:30,014 Is the preacher here? 362 00:15:30,082 --> 00:15:32,350 'cause there's somethin' I gotta get off of my chest. 363 00:15:32,418 --> 00:15:34,285 Somethin' more suited for the town gossip 364 00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:35,954 Than the minister's wife. 365 00:15:36,021 --> 00:15:37,522 Do tell. 366 00:15:37,590 --> 00:15:40,859 Uh... Well, there's this married woman 367 00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:42,961 That I have feelings for. 368 00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:45,663 And her husband don't realize how upset she is with him. 369 00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:47,098 Do I know her? 370 00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:49,701 I'm, uh... I'm sure you do. 371 00:15:49,768 --> 00:15:51,603 Oh. (giggles) 372 00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,238 What's so damn funny? 373 00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:54,706 I mean... (chuckles) 374 00:15:54,773 --> 00:15:56,708 Oh. 375 00:15:58,477 --> 00:16:00,111 That's right. 376 00:16:00,179 --> 00:16:02,313 She touched his knee. 377 00:16:02,381 --> 00:16:04,716 His knee. Lisa: Dad, 378 00:16:04,783 --> 00:16:07,552 I'm gonna need some help getting this off. 379 00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:09,420 (Lisa grunting, metallic squeaking) 380 00:16:12,862 --> 00:16:15,864 Otto, you got to get us back to town. 381 00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:19,067 Oh, nobody told me I had to drive the bus back. 382 00:16:19,135 --> 00:16:21,937 (grunts) I've mistimed some substances! 383 00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:23,839 (metallic snapping) 384 00:16:29,479 --> 00:16:30,546 Here it comes, 385 00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:31,713 The moment of truth. 386 00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:37,753 (gasps): She's packing her bag. 387 00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,821 So it is you, Mr. Homer. 388 00:16:39,889 --> 00:16:41,256 But let's be honest. 389 00:16:41,324 --> 00:16:43,859 A woman her age married to a man of-- 390 00:16:43,927 --> 00:16:45,661 How old are you, 65? 391 00:16:45,728 --> 00:16:47,429 Thirty-nine. 392 00:16:47,497 --> 00:16:50,299 Dear God, this day gets more and more disturbing. 393 00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:52,301 (Homer moaning) 394 00:16:52,368 --> 00:16:53,802 (gasping) 395 00:16:53,870 --> 00:16:55,671 Marge! No! Stop packing your... 396 00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:57,039 Painting supplies?! 397 00:16:57,106 --> 00:16:58,473 Bart and Lisa: Grandma?! 398 00:16:58,541 --> 00:17:00,509 What do you think? 399 00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:02,611 You're not leaving me? 400 00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:04,146 My mother explained 401 00:17:04,213 --> 00:17:06,515 That what happened at the party wasn't your fault. 402 00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:08,450 It's that Patty and Selma. 403 00:17:08,518 --> 00:17:10,319 There's something evil about them. 404 00:17:10,386 --> 00:17:12,721 Did you know they smoked when I was pregnant? 405 00:17:12,789 --> 00:17:14,756 Oh, Marge, you're not leaving with Moe 406 00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:18,627 Is the best thing that never happened to me. 407 00:17:18,695 --> 00:17:19,895 (Marge moans) 408 00:17:19,963 --> 00:17:21,129 Otto: Okay, reverend, 409 00:17:21,197 --> 00:17:22,431 Your place is next. 410 00:17:22,498 --> 00:17:24,900 Actually, milhouse and I are next. 411 00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:26,835 Huh. There's no suspense at your place. 412 00:17:26,903 --> 00:17:28,270 Even I've hooked up with your old lady. 413 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:29,638 Sorry, kid. 414 00:17:29,706 --> 00:17:32,641 You were my favorite Uncle, Uncle Otto. 415 00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,954 Two tickets to Istanbul? 416 00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:47,356 That's right, Tim. 417 00:17:47,423 --> 00:17:49,858 I'm taking these bags, and I'm walking out that door. 418 00:17:49,926 --> 00:17:51,860 Meanwhile, you'll be setting the alarm, 419 00:17:51,928 --> 00:17:53,595 And then you'll join me in the cab. 420 00:17:53,663 --> 00:17:56,131 You're leaving... With me? 421 00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:58,066 Would you rather I bring someone else 422 00:17:58,134 --> 00:18:01,870 On the world's most romantic train? 423 00:18:01,938 --> 00:18:03,672 Oh, Helen. 424 00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:05,340 (moans) 425 00:18:05,408 --> 00:18:06,942 Is that a train in your pocket 426 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,443 Or are you just happy to see me? 427 00:18:08,511 --> 00:18:09,611 Both. 428 00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,948 And so it is me. 429 00:18:13,016 --> 00:18:14,449 (sad melody plays) 430 00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:29,164 I feel the pain of a thousand squishee headaches. 431 00:18:34,037 --> 00:18:37,139 My worst fears are confirmed. 432 00:18:37,206 --> 00:18:39,007 Apu, this man has come here to convince me 433 00:18:39,075 --> 00:18:41,009 To do something I never thought I would do... 434 00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:42,544 Stay with you. 435 00:18:42,612 --> 00:18:44,446 (gasps): You mean you are not leaving me for him? 436 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,448 (laughs) don't be ridiculous. 437 00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,483 What am I, blind and noseless? 438 00:18:48,551 --> 00:18:49,718 Hey, hey, I'm right here. 439 00:18:49,786 --> 00:18:51,853 Believe me, I know. 440 00:18:51,921 --> 00:18:54,456 Apu, our marriage will never be easy. 441 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,858 But nothing worth doing is ever easy. 442 00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:58,160 It is true. 443 00:18:58,227 --> 00:19:00,929 The tastiest ice cream is the hardest to scoop. 444 00:19:00,997 --> 00:19:03,131 But if you wrap something warm around it... 445 00:19:03,199 --> 00:19:04,399 Oh. 446 00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:05,701 Very nice. 447 00:19:05,768 --> 00:19:07,102 Well all's well that ends well, huh? 448 00:19:07,170 --> 00:19:08,770 Yes, except for... 449 00:19:08,838 --> 00:19:11,006 Why did you write that horrible letter?! 450 00:19:11,074 --> 00:19:13,709 When I saw how much trouble your marriages were in... 451 00:19:15,211 --> 00:19:17,979 ...I knew I had to act fast. 452 00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,082 I got Marge's mother to go to Marge, 453 00:19:20,149 --> 00:19:21,383 Convinced Helen to ride the rails of romance 454 00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,185 With the padre, 455 00:19:23,252 --> 00:19:25,721 Then I bought some roadside corn, ate it raw, 456 00:19:25,788 --> 00:19:28,757 Got a kernel in my teeth, flossed with the corn silk, 457 00:19:28,825 --> 00:19:30,859 And then I came over to fix things with manjula. 458 00:19:30,927 --> 00:19:33,829 And I wrote that letter so you three chumps would realize 459 00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:37,399 That you have not been treatin' your wives the way they deserve. 460 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,967 Think of it as a wake-up call 461 00:19:39,035 --> 00:19:41,603 From a man who ain't got nothin' but a blow-up doll. 462 00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:43,205 And even she left me. 463 00:19:43,272 --> 00:19:44,906 Should not have used helium. 464 00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:48,176 Moe, I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you. 465 00:19:48,244 --> 00:19:49,778 So I'm gonna do both. 466 00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:50,912 (grunts) (groans) 467 00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,347 Yeck. 468 00:19:52,415 --> 00:19:54,216 Moe: So all you mugs out there, 469 00:19:54,283 --> 00:19:57,686 Be sure you don't take for granted the woman you love. 470 00:19:57,754 --> 00:20:00,655 Oh, and it's mother's day, so call your ma. 471 00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:03,191 Take her down to the diner at the department store there. 472 00:20:03,259 --> 00:20:05,127 Get her a roast beef on rye. 473 00:20:05,194 --> 00:20:07,496 Oh, and make sure she gets a fruit cup on the side. 474 00:20:07,563 --> 00:20:09,164 She's worth it. 475 00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:19,865 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com