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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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I'll have to use me explosives.
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Explosives? Great.
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If we put charges on
the load-bearing walls,
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we can blow up detention hall
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while leaving the
art room unharmed.
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Hmm? Hey, I like art, okay?
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I'm blowing up the stump,
not the school.
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Right, right.
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You never saw that.
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Well done, boy.
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Wait, here comes the "mykeeyah."
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What's a mykeeyah?
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My Kia!
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(both laughing)
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I'm laughing to fit in,
but I still don't get it.
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Miss Hoover,
what's our lesson today?
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Is it school?
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Oh, I don't know. Let's see.
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Family trees.
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Who here knows what
a family tree is?
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Oh, family trees--
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the charts representing
genealogical relationships
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in a branching structure.
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Very good, Lisa.
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Class, your assignment
over the weekend will be
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to make your own family tree,
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emphasizing any notable or
distinguished ancestors.
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I can't wait to see
what noble branches lie
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in the Simpson family foliage.
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(exclaims)
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No, this can't be right.
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Yech, they're all horrible.
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Yeah, the Simpson family is a
long line of horse thieves,
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deadbeats, horse beats,
dead thieves, and even a few...
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(whispering):...alcoholics.
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There must have been
some good ancestors.
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Grampa,
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don't you know any? Not a one.
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Maybe the nicest was
Abigail Simpson,
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who you know as the
Pittsburgh Poisoner.
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Listen, Lisa, you're going to find
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more than you bargained for.
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If I were you,
I wouldn't dig into the past.
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I lived in some of that past,
and I got out for a reason.
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I won't give up.
I have to know that somewhere
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in the muck and the mire and
the Pittsburgh Poisoners,
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this family had a noble spark,
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and I will find it, even if I
have to go back to Adam and Eve.
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Oh, you mean
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Adam and Eve Simpson,
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or as you may know them,
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
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(groans)
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(grunting)
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Ooh! Whoa!
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Well, are you going
to help me or what?
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(cracking)
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Thank you.
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So, what are you looking for?
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Family records for a school
project on genealogical...
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Hey, that's great.
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Hey, Dad's idea pad.
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Bicentennial issue of
Reader's Digest.
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Old ad for Buzz Cola.
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(gasps)
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So dusty.
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The "Diary of Eliza Simpson"?
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This entry is dated April 14, 1860.
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I warn you: I don't
know what's in there,
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but if it's about a Simpson,
you ain't gonna be proud.
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Our ancestors were
kicked out of Australia.
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Oh, stop.
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It's the journal of
a sweet little girl.
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Keep reading, honey.
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"Dearest diary,
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today I am the happiest
girl in Springfield..."
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See, all good.
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"...because tomorrow I shall
get my very first slave."
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(all gasp)
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I can't believe we're
descended from slave owners.
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Me neither.
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For once, the Simpsons
were in management.
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Homer.
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Oh, read a little more, honey.
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"Saturday, April 14, 1860.
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"Dear Diary, I must be brief,
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"for tonight is the grand ball
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at Colonel Burns's plantation."
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I shall dress myself in finery,
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like a well-to-do Southern belle.
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What's for dinner?
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Possum. Oh, can't we have opossum?
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Not on your salary.
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I can't believe I buttoned
my britches for this.
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In my elegant gown,
no one will suspect
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that I'm actually
on a mission to help
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my very first slave
escape to freedom.
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Yes! She wasn't a slave owner.
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Our family was on the
Underground Railroad.
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We ran a subway station?
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No, the Underground Railroad
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was a bunch of people who
helped slaves escape to Canada.
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There were no actual trains
and it wasn't under ground.
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Then they should've called it
the Aboveground Normal-Road.
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Good point, Bart. Absolutely.
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Hadn't thought of that before.
Very good, Bart.
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That's a great story, Lisa!
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And you should stop
reading right there.
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Wh-What are you doing?
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I want to know what happens next.
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Well, I don't.
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The motto of the Simpsons is:
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"Quit while you're ahead."
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I made it into a sampler.
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It's like when your
father and I left
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the movie Carrie right after she
was crowned prom queen.
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She was so happy.
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She had a lot of problems,
but they were all behind her.
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But, but, but-but-but...
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Time for bed, sweetie.
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(grunts in protest)
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ELIZA: Lisa. Lisa, it's me.
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Eliza, the one good Simpson.
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I've got so much more to tell you.
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I must know.
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(panting)
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(humming)
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You still reading that thing?
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I'm warning you: When
something goes into that vent,
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it shouldn't come out...
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ever.
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Well, I am reading it,
and when I'm finished,
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I'm going to use Eliza's diary
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for my "Black History
Month" presentation.
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Ooh, good idea.
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Bart, what are you doing
for Black History Month?
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I got an idea:
You can march to Selma,
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and tell her she's ugly!
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(laughs)
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(gags)
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Listen. "April 20, 1860.
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"A week ago, I had no idea
what the future would bring,
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"which, I guess, is always
true of everyone all the time.
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"Anyway, last Saturday night,
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I went to Colonel Burns's ball."
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("Blue Danube Waltz" playing)
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I don't like this new Viennese
dance craze, "the waltz."
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One, two, three, one, two, three...
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Where's the "four"?
All music needs a four!
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I'll have the orchestra adjust
its time signature, sir.
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See that you do.
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* *
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(whispering)
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(music switches to four-four time)
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(all clamoring)
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ELIZA: In the confusion,
I slipped out of the ball
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and made my way to the stables,
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where I was to meet Mr.
Burns's slave, Virgil.
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But when I got to the stables,
he was nowhere to be seen.
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Virgil?
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Virgil, let's go.
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(screeching)
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(screaming)
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(grunts)
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You look like you could
use a little help.
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Actually, I'm here to help you.
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Follow me north to freedom.
I don't think so.
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Why? Because I'm young
and I'm a woman?
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No, because you're pointing south.
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(sheepish chuckle)
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Oh, right, right. Sorry.
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It's my first time.
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That's all right. It's my 14th.
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As we made our way northward,
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a couple of patrollers spotted us.
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Well, well, well.
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Where do you think you're going?
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(gasps) (gasps) Run!
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After them! Obviously.
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Well, you didn't say it.
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(horses neighing)
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Hearts pounding,
we fled into the woods,
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but their horses were fast.
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(horses neighing)
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Escape seemed impossible.
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00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:14,280
(neighing)
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(crumbling)
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MARGE: What happened next?
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Uh, bu... That's all theres.
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The rest of the diary
has turned to dust.
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(sniffs, sneezes)
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(snapping)
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Oh! I'll never know if Eliza
got Virgil safely to freedom.
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Cheer up, sweetie.
195
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Maybe we can find the
answer in the library.
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To the reference desk!
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The library?
198
00:09:39,507 --> 00:09:41,941
Bart, can you believe we're
married to those nerds?
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00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:43,776
(both laugh)
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LIBRARIAN: There are no books
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about an Eliza Simpson,
but I did find this.
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MARGE: Ooh, a cookbook.
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(Marge gasps)
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That's Eliza's mother!
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Martha, you are the best!
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00:09:57,591 --> 00:09:59,959
MARGE: "Pork Butt in Cream,
" "Snout-Fried Neck,"
207
00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:02,595
"Frog-Haunch," "Hooves Au Jus,"
208
00:10:02,663 --> 00:10:04,397
"Possum Pouch Pie..."
209
00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:06,900
Please don't make those recipes.
210
00:10:06,967 --> 00:10:08,701
This one doesn't sound roadkill-y.
211
00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:10,503
And it comes with a story.
212
00:10:10,571 --> 00:10:13,339
"Many years ago,
my daughter, Eliza,
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00:10:13,407 --> 00:10:16,743
brought a runaway slave,
Virgil, to the house."
214
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:19,746
(gasps) They made it
back to the house?! How?
215
00:10:19,813 --> 00:10:24,417
MARGE: The patrollers were too
fast for Eliza and Virgil.
216
00:10:27,121 --> 00:10:29,189
(owl hooting)
217
00:10:29,256 --> 00:10:33,426
Luckily, they chanced upon a
traveling circus...
218
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:39,599
...where they were helped by a crusty,
old clown.
219
00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:42,835
A little schmutz,
a little schmear, and presto!
220
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,338
You're part of the
under-clown railroad.
221
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:47,407
So, you got any talent?
222
00:10:47,474 --> 00:10:49,709
Well, I am a bit musical.
223
00:10:49,777 --> 00:10:53,413
* The sun shines bright *
224
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,784
* On my old Kentucky home. *
225
00:10:57,851 --> 00:11:00,720
Rule number one:
never be better than me.
226
00:11:00,788 --> 00:11:02,188
And I'm pretty bad.
227
00:11:07,861 --> 00:11:09,562
Nothing to see here--
228
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:12,432
just a couple of clowns,
and the world's youngest bearded lady.
229
00:11:12,499 --> 00:11:14,334
That I is.
230
00:11:16,971 --> 00:11:20,373
Look at her any longer,
you're gonna have to pay a nickel.
231
00:11:20,441 --> 00:11:22,475
Why do I always ask for a nickel?
232
00:11:22,543 --> 00:11:24,811
That's like 20 bucks in 2010 money.
233
00:11:26,413 --> 00:11:29,115
Wait! All that was in the recipe?
234
00:11:29,183 --> 00:11:31,784
It was a footnote. See?
235
00:11:31,852 --> 00:11:35,521
"Anyway, I was very proud of Eliza,
but my husband Hiram
236
00:11:35,589 --> 00:11:37,390
had not quite caught
abolition fever."
237
00:11:37,458 --> 00:11:39,559
Uh-uh, no way.
238
00:11:39,627 --> 00:11:41,461
He'll get me in trouble.
239
00:11:41,528 --> 00:11:43,730
Maybe you'll change
your mind about me
240
00:11:43,797 --> 00:11:46,432
after you try some
of my wheel cakes.
241
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,867
Wheel cakes?
242
00:11:47,935 --> 00:11:50,370
They're just
honey-sweetened batter...
243
00:11:50,437 --> 00:11:51,504
Go on.
244
00:11:51,572 --> 00:11:53,239
...deep-fried in hog lard.
245
00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:54,774
Lard, you say.
246
00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:57,377
Then dusted with powdered sugar.
247
00:11:57,444 --> 00:11:59,345
(muffled): You can stay.
248
00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,813
You swear you'll help him?
249
00:12:00,881 --> 00:12:02,682
(gulps)
250
00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:05,418
I give you my word as
a Southern gentleman.
251
00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:06,919
Whoo! (gulps)
252
00:12:08,322 --> 00:12:11,124
So they did the right thing.
253
00:12:11,191 --> 00:12:12,725
My quest is fulfilled.
254
00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:15,261
Oufamily has heroes!
255
00:12:15,329 --> 00:12:16,496
Shh.
256
00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:18,164
(softly): Our family has heroes.
257
00:12:18,232 --> 00:12:19,632
(quiet chuckle)
258
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:26,661
Martin Luther King had a dream.
259
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,596
Dreams are where Elmo
and Toy Story
260
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:30,765
had a party and I went there.
261
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,001
Yay. My turn is over.
262
00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:34,502
One of your best, Ralph.
263
00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:36,638
Next up, we have Simpson, L.
264
00:12:36,706 --> 00:12:39,674
My Black History Month
presentation is called
265
00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:42,410
"The Simpsons:
The First Family of Freedom."
266
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,680
No, no, no, not now! Quit, quit!
267
00:12:45,748 --> 00:12:48,717
No, don't quit the program,
just the update, you stupid...
268
00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:50,919
(awkward chuckle)
269
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,887
Computers, right?
270
00:12:52,955 --> 00:12:55,857
Our story begins with a
spunky little spitfire
271
00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:57,859
named Eliza Simpson.
272
00:12:57,927 --> 00:13:00,495
The year was 1860,
and the Underground Railroad was...
273
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,297
("The Battle Hymn of
the Republic" playing)
274
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,798
...though Hiram, Mabel, and Eliza
275
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,701
are no longer among us,
their truth goes marching on.
276
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:08,403
(applause) Thank you.
277
00:13:09,972 --> 00:13:12,340
(applause stops) (one
person clapping slowly)
278
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,678
Bravo, Lisa.
279
00:13:16,746 --> 00:13:22,417
Very entertaining, but then again,
fairy tales always are.
280
00:13:22,485 --> 00:13:23,651
(all gasping)
281
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,520
What are you talking about?
282
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:28,790
I hold in my hand another diary.
283
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:31,760
That of my great-great-great...
284
00:13:31,827 --> 00:13:33,428
(takes hit from inhaler)
285
00:13:33,496 --> 00:13:37,232
...great-great grandfafa,
Milford van Houten.
286
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:38,600
(audience murmurs)
287
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:41,269
"April 22nd, 1860..."
288
00:13:41,337 --> 00:13:44,873
(strong Southern accent): I was reclining
beneath a sarsaparilla tree,
289
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:46,608
reading about one
290
00:13:46,675 --> 00:13:49,711
of Mr. Thomas Jefferson's
marvelous inventions.
291
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:52,614
when suddenly I heard
quite a commotion
292
00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:53,915
coming from the Simpson residence.
293
00:13:53,983 --> 00:13:55,116
BURNS: You're lying!
294
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:57,485
BURNS: Leave me alone!
I have sells to crop.
295
00:13:57,553 --> 00:14:00,722
That's one of Virgil's
sugar-sprinkled cake rings.
296
00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:02,924
Now, where is he?
297
00:14:02,992 --> 00:14:05,827
I don't have to answer
to some weak old man
298
00:14:05,895 --> 00:14:07,362
with a walking stick.
299
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,663
Ahh! A beating stick!
300
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:09,697
Brigand.
301
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,399
(screams) Dastard.
302
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:12,634
Renegade.
303
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:14,102
Mooncalf.
304
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:17,439
I can't tell you where he is-
I swore an oath.
305
00:14:17,506 --> 00:14:19,707
I see.
306
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:23,778
You know, Simpson,
every man has his price.
307
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:27,415
No one is better at determining
said price than yours truly.
308
00:14:36,525 --> 00:14:38,760
I would say your price is...
309
00:14:38,828 --> 00:14:40,962
a pleasant surprise.
310
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:43,298
That's exactly my price.
311
00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:44,699
Your man Virgil is...
312
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:45,867
in...
313
00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:46,868
Father, no!
314
00:14:46,936 --> 00:14:48,603
Eliza, hold your tongue!
315
00:14:48,671 --> 00:14:50,872
Don't worry, I'll handle this one.
316
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:53,708
Young lady, in this day and age,
317
00:14:53,776 --> 00:14:56,044
women only express their
opinions in diaries
318
00:14:56,111 --> 00:14:58,413
to be found long
after they're gone.
319
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,548
From the day you were born,
you were brought up
320
00:15:00,616 --> 00:15:03,117
to crave the approval of a man.
321
00:15:03,185 --> 00:15:05,720
And I know you really
want to be a good girl,
322
00:15:05,788 --> 00:15:08,857
and good girls are
seen and not heard.
323
00:15:10,025 --> 00:15:11,326
(stifled protest)
324
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:13,962
Yes, sir.
325
00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:15,296
That-a-girl.
326
00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:18,366
Now, where's my man?
327
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:19,334
In the turnip shed.
328
00:15:19,401 --> 00:15:20,602
Now, what's my surprise?
329
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,438
Your surprise is a
new pair of shoes.
330
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,741
Oh, my God, that
surprise is so pleasant.
331
00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:30,678
(sobbing)
332
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,747
MILFORD (with Southern accent):
After that fateful day,
333
00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:37,552
(normal voice): "I could never
even look at Eliza again."
334
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:39,053
It didn't help that the next day,
335
00:15:39,121 --> 00:15:41,089
he drank bad well
water and went blind.
336
00:15:41,156 --> 00:15:42,490
No! You lie!
337
00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:45,560
Eliza Simpson can't be a coward.
338
00:15:45,628 --> 00:15:47,896
(voice breaking): She's the
only decent ancestor I have.
339
00:15:47,963 --> 00:15:50,632
Ach. Take it outside, lassie.
340
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,734
We've still got three
"Jackie Robinsons"
341
00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:55,403
and a "Tuskegee Airmen" to go.
342
00:15:55,471 --> 00:15:57,138
(crying) And so many Obamas.
343
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,373
(all impersonating
Obama) Yes, we can.
344
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,375
Audacity of hope. Let me be clear.
345
00:16:03,116 --> 00:16:05,417
As I told you,
we don't have any books
346
00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:07,553
pertaining to Eliza Simpson.
347
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:09,621
But I need to prove
that my ancestor
348
00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:11,623
couldn't have backed
down to Colonel Burns.
349
00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:13,158
Colonel Burns?
350
00:16:13,226 --> 00:16:15,360
Why, I haven't heard my
father's name in years.
351
00:16:15,428 --> 00:16:17,629
(sobbing)
352
00:16:17,697 --> 00:16:20,299
You know, you could
try our film vault.
353
00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:21,400
Huh?
354
00:16:21,468 --> 00:16:23,402
We have a film vault?
355
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:25,604
It's where we hooked up
during the Christmas party.
356
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:27,072
Oh.
357
00:16:31,744 --> 00:16:32,811
INTERVIEWER (on film): So,
Miss Eliza, I understand
358
00:16:32,879 --> 00:16:34,947
you just turned 100.
359
00:16:35,014 --> 00:16:37,549
It's been quite a life.
360
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:38,784
Any regrets?
361
00:16:38,852 --> 00:16:40,352
Just one.
362
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,222
When I was a girl,
I witnessed a grave injustice,
363
00:16:43,289 --> 00:16:44,790
but I held my tongue.
364
00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:47,626
That pat on my head
from a wicked man
365
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,728
has haunted me to this day.
366
00:16:52,532 --> 00:16:54,399
(sobbing)
367
00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:57,436
There's no noble Simpson.
368
00:16:57,504 --> 00:17:00,672
Oh, you were right, Dad.
369
00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:02,674
I should have quit
while I was ahead
370
00:17:02,742 --> 00:17:04,243
instead of learning
the horrible truth
371
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:05,577
about our family and Virgil.
372
00:17:08,314 --> 00:17:10,716
Aw, don't cry, meat pie.
373
00:17:10,783 --> 00:17:13,352
Things worked out pretty
well for Virgil in the end.
374
00:17:13,419 --> 00:17:14,953
What are you talking about?
375
00:17:15,021 --> 00:17:16,522
Is there something
you know about Virgil
376
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:17,956
that you haven't told us?
377
00:17:18,024 --> 00:17:20,292
I'll take that secret to my grave--
378
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,995
or urn, or medical
school dissecting table,
379
00:17:23,062 --> 00:17:24,096
or wherever you're dumping me.
380
00:17:24,164 --> 00:17:26,165
Listen, Wrinkles,
381
00:17:26,232 --> 00:17:27,599
if you know something that'll
cheer up my little girl,
382
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,234
you'd better spill it.
383
00:17:29,302 --> 00:17:32,838
Or I can make things very
uncomfortable for you.
384
00:17:32,906 --> 00:17:34,840
That enough?
385
00:17:34,908 --> 00:17:37,376
Ah! Okay, I'll talk.
386
00:17:37,443 --> 00:17:40,412
D-Day is June 6th.
Repeat: June 6th.
387
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,282
Allied forces will land
on the beaches of Normandy
388
00:17:43,349 --> 00:17:46,218
in the following order-- Utah,
Omaha, Gold, Juno.
389
00:17:46,286 --> 00:17:47,653
Are you writing this down, Fritz?
390
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,954
About Virgil.
391
00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:50,222
Oh, right.
392
00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:52,991
Well, Lisa, Mabel
knew her husband well,
393
00:17:53,059 --> 00:17:56,662
so she cooked up a little
payback pie.
394
00:17:57,864 --> 00:17:58,897
(gasps)
395
00:17:58,965 --> 00:18:01,233
Get off my property, Colonel Burns.
396
00:18:01,301 --> 00:18:03,435
And if I ever see you
in these parts again...
397
00:18:03,503 --> 00:18:04,703
(shotgun cocking)
398
00:18:04,771 --> 00:18:06,271
...you're gonna be a Memphis belle.
399
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:11,009
Very well. You may
have won this round,
400
00:18:11,077 --> 00:18:13,412
but someday my history will be told
401
00:18:13,479 --> 00:18:15,747
by my descendants
Ken and Ric Burns.
402
00:18:18,117 --> 00:18:20,185
I knew you'd break your promise.
403
00:18:20,253 --> 00:18:22,120
Now I'm taking Virgil to freedom.
404
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:24,923
You defied your husband for me?
405
00:18:24,991 --> 00:18:26,892
Man, this is the '60s.
406
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,694
Now let's take you to a place
407
00:18:28,761 --> 00:18:31,730
where a black man can
blend in-- Canada.
408
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,100
GRAMPA: So, with those words,
409
00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,536
Mabel and Virgil headed north,
410
00:18:37,604 --> 00:18:40,105
but their journey was
fraught with peril.
411
00:18:40,173 --> 00:18:41,173
(gasps)
412
00:18:42,575 --> 00:18:43,775
Hmm...
413
00:18:47,013 --> 00:18:50,482
Mabel, why don't I go on alone,
and you go back to Hiram?
414
00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:51,550
No.
415
00:18:51,618 --> 00:18:53,352
There's no life for me with him.
416
00:18:53,419 --> 00:18:54,853
I just need to disguise my hair.
417
00:18:54,921 --> 00:18:55,887
But how?
418
00:18:55,955 --> 00:18:57,990
May I be of assistance?
419
00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:00,492
Abraham Lincoln?! (gasps)
420
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,195
Perhaps this hat will
help disguise your hair.
421
00:19:03,263 --> 00:19:04,663
Thank you.
422
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,300
How's it look?
423
00:19:08,368 --> 00:19:10,469
It makes you look like a
potbellied stove. (annoyed grunt)
424
00:19:10,536 --> 00:19:12,471
Hey, hey, "Honest Abe."
425
00:19:12,538 --> 00:19:14,940
(laughs) Oh, I'm a riot.
426
00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:18,076
GRAMPA: As the border drew close,
so did Virgil and Mabel.
427
00:19:18,144 --> 00:19:19,878
After you.
428
00:19:19,946 --> 00:19:23,782
By the time they crossed into Canada,
things had changed.
429
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:28,186
(theme from Ken Burns's The
Civil War playing)
430
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,188
Mabel she divorced Hiram
431
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,124
and got one of his shoes
in the settlement.
432
00:19:35,728 --> 00:19:40,098
Mabel and Virgil lived out the
rest of their days in peace.
433
00:19:40,166 --> 00:19:43,035
They got married, and since
Virgil had no last name,
434
00:19:43,102 --> 00:19:44,936
they both took the name Simpson
435
00:19:45,004 --> 00:19:46,438
so that Mabel could keep
436
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:49,107
all her monogrammed table linens.
437
00:19:49,175 --> 00:19:52,577
And their son, Abraham Simpson,
438
00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:54,780
was my great-grandfather.
439
00:19:58,918 --> 00:20:02,888
So you're actually descended
from Virgil, not Hiram.
440
00:20:02,955 --> 00:20:04,423
Are ya happy?
441
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,191
Yes. I'm thrilled.
442
00:20:06,259 --> 00:20:08,593
We've regained our family honor,
443
00:20:08,661 --> 00:20:11,129
and we're 1/64th black.
444
00:20:11,197 --> 00:20:13,598
So that's why I'm so cool.
445
00:20:13,666 --> 00:20:15,834
That's why my jazz is so smooth.
446
00:20:15,902 --> 00:20:18,837
And that's why I earn less
than my white co-workers.
447
00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:20,339
Grampa, why'd you try to
448
00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,140
keep us from finding this out?
449
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:25,110
Well, it's hard to explain
this to a young person,
450
00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:29,047
but people of my
generation are, you know...
451
00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:30,882
Racists? That's it.
452
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:33,051
I don't know what the big deal is.
453
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,221
I mean, it never bothered any
of you that my father's French.
454
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:38,123
You know, Bouvier?
455
00:20:38,191 --> 00:20:40,726
So that's why I love
drinking so much.
456
00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:42,594
I'm French, not you.
457
00:20:42,662 --> 00:20:44,863
C'est la vie, baby.
458
00:20:44,931 --> 00:20:46,865
("Marseillaise" playing)
459
00:20:46,933 --> 00:20:48,700
(guzzling)
460
00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:59,371
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