1
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,267
{\*I DO NOT HAVE THE HOTS
FOR MY MOM}
2
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,702
The D'Oh-Ghnut Team
3
00:01:21,476 --> 00:01:25,235
For he's a jolly good fellow
4
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:29,750
Which nobody can deny
5
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:33,243
Except his ex-wife.
6
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,638
So what are you going to do
without us numskulls to supervise?
7
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,802
I plan to fill the void with gardening,
early dining,
8
00:01:40,927 --> 00:01:43,666
and I've been learning
to speak Mandarin Chinese.
9
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,273
That's garbage,
that's total garbage.
10
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,444
I'm going to miss Ted.
He was a good supervisor.
11
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,905
Definitely hands-off.
He didn't mind if we punched in
12
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,488
a little late or not at all.
13
00:01:55,613 --> 00:01:58,618
Or that we made a few adjustments
to the soda machine.
14
00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:07,072
Here's to us, the unsupervisables.
15
00:02:09,443 --> 00:02:13,174
I expect you're all anxiously awaiting
my choice for your new supervisor.
16
00:02:13,564 --> 00:02:16,060
Can't we just all supervise
ourselves?
17
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,403
I win!
18
00:02:34,508 --> 00:02:38,290
In any event, much as what formerly
was my kidney is now my heart,
19
00:02:38,415 --> 00:02:40,580
I have decided
to promote from within.
20
00:02:40,705 --> 00:02:42,683
One of you will get the job.
21
00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,041
But which one?
22
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,146
Congratulations.
23
00:03:01,271 --> 00:03:03,553
I dub thee king of the morons,
24
00:03:03,678 --> 00:03:06,227
also known as supervisor
for sector 7G.
25
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,480
Here is your key
to the executive washroom.
26
00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:18,282
Our boss is our best buddy.
27
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,454
The nitwits are running
the goofhouse.
28
00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:23,892
Why aren't you high-fiving?
29
00:03:24,017 --> 00:03:27,666
I'd rather save my arm-lifting
for tapping gauges
30
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:31,085
- or filling out employee evaluations.
- We can celebrate at Moe's.
31
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,713
After work.
32
00:03:35,357 --> 00:03:37,296
And the first beer's on me.
33
00:03:38,254 --> 00:03:41,137
- You see, he hasn't changed.
- Yes, I have.
34
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,681
In ways you're only beginning
to suspect.
35
00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:47,967
I call to order this meeting
36
00:03:48,092 --> 00:03:50,521
of the Springfield charity chicks.
37
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,563
As you all know, last year's
cake and cookie sale
38
00:03:53,688 --> 00:03:56,111
raised $112
39
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,529
to fight childhood obesity.
40
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:03,970
Thank you, charity chicks.
41
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,189
Who has ideas
for this year's fundraiser?
42
00:04:10,781 --> 00:04:14,494
The police department raised money
by selling these beefcake calendars.
43
00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:16,088
That's quite a thing.
44
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,621
I have a great idea.
45
00:04:25,746 --> 00:04:27,695
Let's do what they did but with us.
46
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,727
We are a good-looking bunch.
47
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,772
We just need a theme.
48
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,776
49
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,217
How about History?
50
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,861
Then it's set.
We'll do it on the 25th of...
51
00:04:45,124 --> 00:04:46,276
Wiggum.
52
00:04:49,494 --> 00:04:52,499
Betsy ross, bring history to life.
53
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,336
I love it.
Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.
54
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,863
Stop, we got plenty.
55
00:04:56,988 --> 00:04:59,924
All right, who's my next
sexy historical lady?
56
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,134
I am.
57
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,182
The female Tiger Woods of the 1930s.
58
00:05:04,307 --> 00:05:06,513
Babe Didrikson Zaharias.
59
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,283
You know, Marge,
if you want to sell calendars,
60
00:05:09,408 --> 00:05:13,394
I'm going to need to see more "Babe"
and less "Didrikson Zaharias."
61
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:16,232
Fine, I'll take off one glove.
62
00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:22,648
You know what would look super good?
If you held this glass of red wine.
63
00:05:26,887 --> 00:05:28,369
I love this wine.
64
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,205
- It's Andalusian.
- Well, it seems real to me.
65
00:05:32,451 --> 00:05:33,867
Okay, more wine for you.
66
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,966
That's caliente, baby.
67
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,135
Pop goes the chupacabra.
68
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,780
Look how I messed with the names
on the softball sign-up sheet.
69
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:09,994
It's delicious.
70
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,137
You know how Smitty's name
is Smitty?
71
00:06:13,015 --> 00:06:15,758
Well, not anymore.
I changed the "m" to a...
72
00:06:15,883 --> 00:06:17,084
That'll do, Homer.
73
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,950
To a "p". Spitty,
'cause he spits when he talks.
74
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,589
He have part of his tongue removed.
That's funny.
75
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,197
- Well, I didn't know that.
- Now you know.
76
00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:28,897
Quit dragging me.
77
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,813
When I grow up, I'll drag you around
and buy you clothes.
78
00:06:32,319 --> 00:06:33,905
That's wonderful.
79
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,770
What's all the hubbub-aloo?
80
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:42,266
I've been pin-upped.
81
00:06:45,386 --> 00:06:47,031
And every month is me.
82
00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:50,117
I don't remember doing this.
83
00:06:51,405 --> 00:06:55,120
I certainly don't remember
doing August.
84
00:06:55,435 --> 00:06:58,625
Hey, calendar lady,
you gonna take your clothes off?
85
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:01,879
Well, I got the next best thing.
86
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:13,849
Great safety report, Homer.
No meltdowns all week.
87
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:16,810
I'm making you
my new executive assistant.
88
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,746
Why can't I keep the job
I have now, whatever it is?
89
00:07:19,871 --> 00:07:21,338
Not an option, big fella.
90
00:07:21,463 --> 00:07:24,026
Be my assistant
or find a job elsewhere,
91
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,862
And in this economy,
elsewhere ain't hiring.
92
00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:29,520
Fine, I guess I'm at your beck.
93
00:07:29,645 --> 00:07:30,645
And call.
94
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,291
It's a big turnout at church today,
95
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,212
And the whole congregation
has seen my Scandinavian regions.
96
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,803
Here comes the woman who made February
the hottest month of the year.
97
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,415
Her shapely gams
have finally persuaded me
98
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,477
to switch from the Julian calendar
to the Gregorian.
99
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:57,603
Marge, girl,
100
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:00,062
I just heard your pants ain't hiring
101
00:08:00,187 --> 00:08:02,314
because your butt won't quit.
102
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,240
Homie, everyone loved my calendar,
103
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,496
But only you get to flip the pages.
104
00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:18,623
Calendar? My god!
I forgot to move Carl's 12:30 to 2:30.
105
00:08:19,108 --> 00:08:22,794
His astrologist will show up
at the same time as his astronomer.
106
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,913
This is not good, this is not good.
107
00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:28,633
How about a little Marge madness?
108
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,600
109
00:08:40,625 --> 00:08:42,327
Who am I kidding?
110
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,863
Would you mind if we just cuddle?
111
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,131
Cuddling's for after.
112
00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:07,421
Tomorrow, my love.
113
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,047
114
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,718
Stupid Carl.
"Update the phone list, Homer.
115
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,410
"You put my contact lenses
in backwards, Homer."
116
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,215
I'm sorry, honey.
117
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,641
Maybe this
will take your mind off work.
118
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,239
Wash my car.
Re-foam my latte.
119
00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:25,397
Book me a massage.
Shiatsu or better.
120
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,982
Leave me alone, you two!
121
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:36,074
Class, today we're gonna talk
about Washington crossing the Delaware.
122
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,952
I'd like to watch Bart's mom
washing her underwear.
123
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,079
The British were led
by general Howe.
124
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,502
I'd give Bart's mom a general "wow".
125
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:46,211
Knock it off.
That's my mom you're talking about.
126
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,003
Keep-away with Bart's mom.
127
00:09:49,202 --> 00:09:52,955
Mrs. S., you can tuck me in anytime.
128
00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:55,744
Okay, buddy, lower the eyebrows,
129
00:09:55,869 --> 00:09:57,763
Nice and easy.
130
00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:02,627
It's stuck!
131
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:06,188
I'll have a quizzical expression
for the rest of my life.
132
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,700
I'd like to get quizzical
with Bart's mom.
133
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:09,992
Shut up!
134
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,974
Standing up for yourself
to an older boy?
135
00:10:14,099 --> 00:10:16,198
We'll set up
an appointment with your parents.
136
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,968
Let me check my calendar.
137
00:10:20,476 --> 00:10:24,471
I'm suddenly feeling
un-administrative feelings.
138
00:10:32,119 --> 00:10:34,795
Honey, I know
it's been a rough couple of weeks,
139
00:10:35,022 --> 00:10:39,023
but I booked us a night this Saturday
at a very romantic hotel.
140
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,499
Garden view?
141
00:10:40,624 --> 00:10:43,379
Ocean view, obstructed.
142
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,033
All right,
I put in a hundred-hour work week,
143
00:10:52,158 --> 00:10:54,112
but I took a nap
while I was driving us here
144
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,571
and now I'm rarin' to go.
145
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:59,892
Well, I brought a few items
to make our night extra special...
146
00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:03,989
Massage oil, some lingerie
from the Horny Hubby,
147
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:05,958
And snuggle dice.
148
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,835
This one has an action
and this one has a body part. See?
149
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,379
"Nuzzle... neck."
150
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,321
With pleasure!
151
00:11:14,446 --> 00:11:15,494
Let me try.
152
00:11:16,738 --> 00:11:17,925
"Lick... eyes."
153
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,553
I'll try again.
154
00:11:20,923 --> 00:11:22,389
"Spank... hair"?
155
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,632
What the...?
156
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:28,937
"Whisper into ass"?
This game sucks!
157
00:11:29,782 --> 00:11:32,441
Why don't you just roll me?
158
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:37,070
We're gonna be...
snore in the morning.
159
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,865
Damn it, why won't you touch me?
160
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,208
Kiss me, baby!
Kiss me like a frog in a fairy tale!
161
00:11:57,296 --> 00:11:58,300
Great news!
162
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:02,055
I've been invited to the annual
nuclear-power expo in Paris, France.
163
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,715
That's right,
we're going to fission week!
164
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,527
Book me a room at the Ritz,
with a view of Jim Morrison's grave,
165
00:12:09,652 --> 00:12:11,223
and book me dinner at that place.
166
00:12:11,348 --> 00:12:14,149
You know, the one Lenny's mom
read about two years ago.
167
00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:19,838
168
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,741
I'll make it up to you,
Marge, I swear.
169
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,081
Last night
was the making it up to me!
170
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:27,430
The most intimate moment
we shared this week
171
00:12:27,555 --> 00:12:29,247
was my ironing your shirts!
172
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,066
Actually, those were Carl's shirts.
173
00:12:32,094 --> 00:12:35,341
I can't believe you're gonna spend
another weekend with him.
174
00:12:35,898 --> 00:12:37,422
It's not like I wanna go.
175
00:12:45,548 --> 00:12:46,548
Diddily...
176
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,859
Okay, fission week
kicks off on Monday
177
00:12:57,984 --> 00:13:00,987
with a reception
by the international proton council.
178
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,241
Word is, protons
are the new electrons.
179
00:13:05,504 --> 00:13:09,043
When I was your age, it was the future,
'cause I'm younger than you.
180
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:12,290
- Just something to think about.
- I will. Edamame?
181
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,459
I don't have time for peeling.
Squirt them.
182
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,471
Well, boys,
daddy's back on the beam,
183
00:13:20,596 --> 00:13:23,301
thanks to Christian prayer
and Dr. Sheldon Lowenstein.
184
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,011
We thought you were gonna die.
185
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:27,276
And then uncle Kevin
would have to raise us.
186
00:13:27,401 --> 00:13:29,224
With his funny friend, David.
187
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,906
I'd put rocks into your pockets
188
00:13:31,031 --> 00:13:33,038
and walk you out to sea
before that happened.
189
00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:37,739
Ned, to make up for what happened,
190
00:13:37,864 --> 00:13:40,777
I want to invite you and the boys
over to dinner tomorrow night.
191
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,656
Okily-dokily, but I'm warning you,
192
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,128
You're gonna see America's number one
dishwashing crew!
193
00:13:45,253 --> 00:13:47,267
- I wash!
- And I dry!
194
00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:50,787
Then I give 'em the squeak test
and into the dishwasher they go.
195
00:14:18,851 --> 00:14:21,435
Carl Carlson,
it is good to meet you.
196
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:22,945
Thank you...
197
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,699
French nuclear commissioner,
Etienne Ducharme.
198
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,058
Commissioner Ducharme,
199
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:29,175
I trust that your wife is...
200
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,161
still dead?
201
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,446
Yes, thank you for asking.
202
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:40,337
Monsieur Carlson,
what have you enjoyed most about Paris?
203
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,805
I really love...
204
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:43,709
the Louvre.
205
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,734
Everything about it is so...
206
00:14:46,606 --> 00:14:47,971
closed on Mondays.
207
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,187
You are clearly a man of the world.
208
00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:53,350
- May I have your card?
- My assistant will give you that.
209
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,918
- Can we meet for lunch?
- My assistant will set that up.
210
00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:57,613
I want to make love, now!
211
00:14:57,738 --> 00:15:01,265
My assistant will do a sensual dance
for your arousal.
212
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,485
Come on, sensual dance.
Chop, chop.
213
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,667
I love Paris.
The women, the wine!
214
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,503
Everything except their lame-o version
of rock and roll.
215
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,596
When we get back to the hotel,
I want you to extend our stay.
216
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,349
- Indefinitely.
- But I have to get back to Marge.
217
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:38,479
We are this close to selling our power
in Paris, Milan, Dubai,
218
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,439
everywhere people
know good electricity.
219
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:42,066
But we gotta focus!
220
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,779
Let us stroll down
main street Euro-Disney!
221
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,660
Le sexy rock and roll,
the films of Claude Chabrol
222
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,954
Oh la la, c'est dommage.
Everybody eat fromage!
223
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,907
You two are going out?
224
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:35,577
I thought I told you the Flanderses
were coming over to dinner.
225
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,913
Sorry,
I have a tea party at Janey's.
226
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,666
And I'm having a stink bomb party
at the house next to Janey's.
227
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,834
No connection.
228
00:16:43,418 --> 00:16:45,879
I guess
it'll just be dinner for four.
229
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,844
- Where are the boys?
- They're grounded.
230
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,097
Rod watched a commercial
for Grey's Anatomy,
231
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,765
and Todd took a day to tell me.
232
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,276
It's fun to cook dinner together.
233
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:10,028
Homer and I never do it anymore.
234
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,489
Cook together, that is.
235
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,743
What's the next task
on the old I-dinnerary?
236
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,953
You could wash this iceberg lettuce.
237
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,773
- Gosh, what a hunk!
- I'm not thinking straight.
238
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,067
Why did I drink that wine
cooler last month?
239
00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:52,153
Dinner's ready!
240
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,864
Saved by the bell
from eternity in hell.
241
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,790
Homer, there is a moth in my room!
Where are you?
242
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,667
Where I should've been all along.
243
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:07,961
- In Springfield.
- What?
244
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:12,215
Return to the immortal city of light
at once, or you're fired!
245
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,009
I don't think so.
246
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,511
That woman you've been playing
"hide the baguette" with?
247
00:18:16,636 --> 00:18:19,347
She's the first lady of France,
Carla Bruni!
248
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,185
If you fire me,
I'll call president Sarkozy,
249
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,562
and he'll be all over you
like Truffaut on Hitchcock.
250
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,564
You wouldn't dare!
251
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,941
Wouldn't I?
Just listen.
252
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:38,074
Hello, you are getting cozy
with Sarkozy.
253
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,911
Okay, you win.
Give my best to Marge.
254
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:45,791
I sure will.
But only after I give her mine.
255
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,716
Nuclear secrets, pictures of Lenny.
256
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,176
Everything I need for my plan!
257
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,596
Marge, that dinner was a winner!
258
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,265
- What's for dessert?
- Nothing fancy.
259
00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:04,434
Just strawberries and whipped cream.
260
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,793
Ned, you got whipped cream
in your mustache.
261
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:33,505
Your perfectly trimmed mustache.
262
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,555
There's only one man
I should be eating whipped cream with.
263
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,432
I never thought otherwise.
264
00:19:45,892 --> 00:19:47,686
See you around the mailbox, Marge.
265
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,899
My wife?
And my worst friend?
266
00:19:53,316 --> 00:19:54,484
Could it be?
267
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:01,032
Homie, you're back!
268
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:07,372
Marge, I believe
we have a little unfinished business.
269
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,498
Come with me!
270
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,336
Baby!
271
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,649
Boy, that was worth the wait.
272
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:37,360
Now, it's my turn to roll the dice!
273
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:39,988
Want to kiss them for me?
274
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,449
Classic.
275
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,415
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